-JWF Day 16-
Katie woke to a thought splintering ray of sunlight that cut deeply across her face, making her eyes burn. Shifting so that she was out of the solar body's line of fire the woman rubbed her eyes hard as she came into herself. Her shoulders felt sunken into the couch, and as a consequence she regretted the pillow which now forced her chin into her chest. Her neck was stiff and her feet were freezing, but it had worked. She was awake, ready to function, and knew exactly where she was, and what was going on.
Swinging her legs off of the arm of the couch Katie stamped her booted feet lightly on the floor to return some warmth, and a more even blood flow to her extremities. This had been one of the hardest things to learn in basic, the eight minute nap. She'd slept much longer than eight, but the principle remained the same; sleeping with your legs elevated meant more blood flow for your vitals, and your brain. The only thing that left her feeling even the slightest bit disoriented was the asset that trotted over and sat at her feet expectantly.
These kids really were something else, the woman thought as she stared at the animal, and the animal stared back. Bumpy, she thought they called it cocked its head to the side and gave a tiny honk.
Reaching out Katie scratched Bumpy lightly around its horn-beds, and beneath its chin, like she would have King, her sister's spinger spaniel, rough horns in place of soft, fluffy ears. The little animal seemed to appreciate the affection and nudged Katie for more. That was when she noticed the relatively fresh wound to the ankylosaurus' mouth. Heaving a sigh the medic swung her pack from the floor and into her lap where she began digging.
There, beneath all of the painkillers, the antibiotics, the fluids, and even the candy stash that had slipped free from its many liner pockets was the ointment she'd been looking for.
"Now, don't bite me." Katie murmured, using her finger to apply cream to the wound as gently as possible. Bumpy was a model patient, at first. Then Katie must of touched a tender spot because the ankylosaurus hooted angrily, pulled away, and rubbed its face with aggravation against the carpet.
"Sorry!" the woman, startled by this reaction apologized. "I'm sorry. I was-"
Her words were cut short by a dull flare of pain in her shin when the juvenile animal clubbed her with its stump of a tail. Angrily Katie set her foot against the animal's rump and shoved it away. Giving her one last chirp of insult Bumpy fled into the bedrooms.
"Everyone hates the doctor." Katie rolled her eyes as she inspected the damage to her leg. It was definitely going to bruise, but it could have been worse. A lot worse.
A shuddering breath hissed through Katie's teeth as she unintentionally conjured up the memory of Colton Smith's untimely, and very gruesome demise. Eyes squeezed shut she could see him, running towards her. He'd known what was coming, had been covered in what was left of the doctors, the wisened fear of his own mortality etched so deeply into his face that the expression lived on in the woman's mind as some grim reminder of the inevitable that awaited them all.
It was like watching someone get hit by a car. One minute he was there, the next he was just a smattering of gore across the soil.
He'd been saying something, Katie recalled, a final command maybe? A word for his family? The woman wasn't sure, and that haunted her.
They all haunted her.
Everyone she'd ever failed to save.
Dust watered her eyes in a far away desert, grit in her teeth. She'd been riding in a convoy, as at ease as you got over there. That was when the first truck hit the landmine. In the firefight that ensued the woman couldn't save the private, the one with the lisp. He'd been like her, signed up to have an opportunity to get an education. Instead he'd received a war, and a hero's welcome beneath the red, white, and blue.
Some reward.
There were others, of course there were others, and they each stood out in their own, gruesome way. The interpreter, caught in the crossfire. The CO everyone hated, who took his own life. The woman who'd been burned, Katie had never gotten her story but the pleading eyes that shown beneath the waxy glint of ruined flesh told a harrowing tale all their own. The girl who had been carried to Katie, a river of blood where her legs once were. The jar-head who had taught her how to play poker, and had entrusted her with his final letter back home.
Then there was Rasul, the little boy from the village she'd befriended. He'd only ever deserved the opportunity to be a child. It was a chance he'd never get. He'd been deeply fond of chocolate.
Letting out a wavering breath Katie re-examined the contents of her backpack. Everything left a wound, a mark on your soul, and this, she thought, jiggling the pack so more candy slid into view was Rasul's mark. His way of making sure these kids got a little taste of something close to childhood, like she'd given him so long ago.
Katie shook her head to forget his baby toothed smile, and to drive away the past. To bury it, back down where it needed to be, where scars were scars but the wounds remained closed.
Getting up the woman moved sluggishly to the bathroom where she relieved herself. Afterwards she stretched, earning tight, but no less satisfying pops and cracks from her back and neck. She was going to be stiff and sore all day, Katie realized as she turned her head from side to side and rotated her shoulders forwards, then backwards. It wasn't ideal, but she could live with it.
Letting out a breath she put on a brave face, and braced herself for the day.
Making for the bedrooms Katie went to check in on her young, slumbering wards. She stopped short in surprise, taking in the humbling and chaotic disarray that stretched before her. Everywhere she turned was the touch of these young survivors trying their best to make a home. From the half collapsed tent three of the boys dozed under, to the drawings strewn across the floor, and even the drawers stacked together to make stairs for the asset to climb onto the beds their influence on the space was everywhere.
A contrite smile crossed her lips as Katie continued to edge her way inside before turning left and heading into the bunk room. Sammy slept heavily on the bottom bunk, shoes notably still on her feet. Ready to run at a moments notice, Katie thought. She felt for the girl, and everything she had been through. She'd been so scared when the girls had been lost that night in the park, the scratches on her face evidence of whatever quarrel had happened between the teenagers as they struggled to remain hidden.
Glancing about to be sure but, Brooklynn was, presumably, she decided, was the one curled in the corner of the top bunk, beneath a mountain of blankets and pillows. Only the faint rise and fall of her breathing was visible beneath the downy fortress she had erected to defend herself. On the bed beside her someone had placed a letter, and a pen. Stomach clenching Katie tiptoed forward. Squinting hard she tried to make out what it said, hoping whatever it was, it wouldn't be upsetting.
Brooklynn had been through more than any of them and it would take time, healing aways did, she thought recalling her older sister Ji Woo. In the halls of her battered heart Katie wished there was something she could do to make it better, to ease her pain, to ensure her safety, but there wasn't. That was what scared Katie, and hurt her the most.
Dry cereal crunched under the woman's boot, and starting at the sound she froze. She didn't want to disturb them, they more than the others deserved to sleep in. Backing out of the room the woman trusted the kids to their common sense and though she still held doubt, decided to leave the matter alone, for now.
At the nearest bed Katie peered beneath the caved in roof of the makeshift tent to see Kenji walled off by a stack of pillows snoring loudly in spite of the little foot resting atop the side of his face. The little boy to whom the foot belonged, the kids had nicknamed "Chase," a far more merciful name that the Unit had given him. He was upside-down, arms wrapped tightly around Darius' midsection, as the older boy sagged towards the floor, one leg dangling off the bed as he struggled to fit on the mattress' edge.
It was a bewildering scene to see the trio surrounded by crayons, markers, pens, and park maps. All sprawled out in the playful bliss of a slumber party. It truly gave her pause.
They were sweet, she thought at last, before ducking back out. Katie was bemused by the impression that somehow they'd found a refuge all their own, a playful counterpart to the doom and dismay of the girl's room. She hoped they could keep their spirits high, it was definitely key to making it in situations like these.
Leaving them the woman made her way to where Ben and Yasmina slept. There she was flooded through with an immense sense of pride. She hadn't even thought to ask Yasmina to annotate the times she'd changed the bags, and yet there, written on the wall beside the sconce the times stood. The empty bags were wrapped neatly on the dresser and the last 50mls of saline were dripping down now. Yasmina had done phenomenally.
The girl in question slept with her leg elevated, one hand loosely around the boy's wrist, and the other, the one bearing the watch, tucked awkwardly by her head. Wondering if she'd set an alarm Katie carefully made her way to Yasmina's side. Mentally re-orientating herself with the digital clock's face, she reached out and hit the buttons she knew by heart to cancel any such alarm. The teenager had more than earned her rest, Katie mused, looking down at the girl who's face seemed forever contorted with some sense of dismay. She was relieved to find serenity in her slumber.
Looking at, but not touching, Katie spared a moment for the girl's deeply bruised knee, which, all things considered appeared to be on the slow road to recovery. Then she moved, at last, to Ben. Mindful of his state of undress the medic checked the boy over, pleasantly surprised to find the towels folded beneath him to be wet. It was a good sign, a very good sign. He was definitely going to need a sponge bath soon, and a good shower if he woke up, but for now changing the towels would suffice.
Retrieving some of the fresh linens stored nearby the woman, disgruntled by the angry hoots thrown at her from the asset that had clamored onto the boy's stomach, got to work.
"Ben?" Yasmina sat up with a frightened gasp, her eyes wide when Katie rolled him.
"Just me." Katie whispered from where she crouched, yanking out the soiled linens.
"Is- What's happening?" the girl asked, half asleep and rather disoriented she immediately began tucking her friend in again, hampering Katie's work.
"Nothing happened, I'm just checking on him." Katie assured as she rolled Ben back onto the fresh towels. "Things are looking good, and you've done very, very well."
"Is Ben alright?" Yasmina asked, repositioning his arm onto a pillow.
Katie's heart felt troubled at just how young Yasmina looked then, face painted with worry, and burden, a burden Katie had added to out of desperation. The pride she'd felt moments ago was now tainted with the bitterness of such a hardship. She should have never asked the girl for help, Katie thought, mentally berating herself.
Asking kids to grow up before their time, and making them shoulder burdens that were to heavy to bear, weren't those things she had resented in her own parents? Wasn't that something she had vowed never to do herself? It was a loathsome reality to be forced to take responsibility for circumstances out of your control. A reality that had thrust her sister out into a cold, cruel world unprepared, and had seen Katie rebel in the turbulence of her late teens.
"He'll be alright." Katie assured with as much hope and confidence as she could muster though deep down it felt as though her heart was breaking. "You should rest now, though. I've got it from here."
Bundling the soiled bedding away Katie watched as the self-proclaimed "runner, and nothing else" tenderly fussed over her friend like a fretful mother before settling back down to sleep.
In what was now her room Katie stashed the towels in a trash bag near the door. Washing them was an egregious waste of resources, but leaving urine soaked calling cards of tasty little human morsels strewn across the pavement outside the hotel was far from the best idea either. Not to mention the potential risk of bio-contamination, she thought as she made her way to the bathroom to wash her hands. The last thing they needed was to usher in some terrible illness because of a lack of proper hygienic practices.
Glancing up Katie caught sight of herself in the mirror. God, she looked tired. Two weeks or so in a war zone would do that to you. No, she shook her head, it was selfish and obscene to compare what they were going through here to a war zone. War zones were the tattered remains of broken lives, and the hollowed out hopes of those who had no choice but to call such places "home." This, this was something wholly different, and a hell all its own, but it wasn't a war zone.
Splashing cool water onto her face Katie tried to muster a sense of confidence, and ease. She'd never been penned down with children before, and somehow that made all of this so much harder. She wasn't sure of what to do, or how to help them cope with everything they'd been through. Hell, being trusted to take care of kids was a daunting task in and of itself, life-threatening injuries, deeply traumatic experiences, and man-eating dinosaurs aside.
Katie was so far out of her element that it wasn't even funny. She'd never wanted kids, never wanted to repeat the same mistakes her parents, and their parents, and probably even their parents at that, had made. She didn't know what to do.
The woman stood, gripping the edge of the sink until her hands hurt as she tried to find the resolve to continue on. She thought she could do this, but she couldn't, she thought she could be strong and put on a brave face, but Yasmina's fear cut her to the core. It wasn't fair, not to her, but most especially not to them. How was she supposed to do it? How was she supposed to keep them going? How was she supposed to help them? Hell, how was she supposed to protect them if she'd already failed at that most basic of tasks?
"'Ten and two.'" she heard Steele's voice echo through her skull, as a faint aura began to develop around edges of her vision. "'You need to keep those girls at ten and two, ya hear?'"
It was so simple, all she had to do was keep an eye on them, and Katie hadn't been able to do that much. It gutted her. She could still see Brooklynn, frozen with fear, trembling, bruised, and left exposed from her ruined shirt as she cowered beneath Steele's rage. Katie's heart had leapt into her throat, a nauseating anger brewing in her stomach she'd almost gone for the man in a rage of her own. Until, she remembered he couldn't have been the one who'd hurt her when Katie herself had been on the man's heels after he'd raise the alarm that Brooklynn was missing and unaccounted for.
Had that been how Ji Woo stood beneath the wrath of their parents as they blamed her for what had happened? Had she stood wide eyed and full of terror as they reminded her that they'd told her no boys, no parties, no matter what? Had it been that moment that stole her sister, turned runaway from her for so long? Katie knew, in her soul that the answers to all these questions were a resounding "yes."
Katie cried, then. Her entire body felt heavy, and her chest quivered with her attempts to stay quiet, a hand smothering her wretching and sobbing. She mourned for her sister whom she wouldn't reconnect with until adulthood. She mourned for Brooklynn, and all other souls like her. And she mourned the death of the man who had tried to alert her, in his own way, to the danger.
He'd known, the woman thought distantly. Somehow, Terry Steele had known.
How, Katie wondered could someone like Reed slip past her radar? Past everyone's radar? There was something off-putting about him sure, but she'd never have guessed, but Terry did. Terry knew. Katie hated herself for her ignorance. She hated the dead man for his ambiguity when the situation couldn't have been more black and white. But most of all she hated Reed for everything he'd done, everything he was, and everything people like him represented.
It was common to speak of evil like it could never happen, but it was the Reeds of the world that proved evil was inevitable.
Evil was inevitable, the only thing that mattered was how you faced it when it came for you, she thought rather poetically. Evil had come. Evil was here. How, Katie asked herself finding her resolve, did she plan to face it?
"With everything I've got." she muttered to herself, fists still clenching porcelain.
No, she'd never wanted kids, but that wasn't how the universe conspired against her. Because now, now she had kids, seven of them, and somehow she had to keep them all safe, healthy, fed, clothed, and even mentally stable in an environment that was conducive to none of these things.
Katie remembered the humble woman that had been Rasul's mother, then. A bitter smile came to her. It was possible, she reminded herself, hard, but possible, for a time at least. All those poor people making a home for themselves out of war had shown her how. Now, no matter what time they had left, she was determined to give it her all.
Washing her face again Katie worked the handsoap vigorously into her face with her fingertips. Rinsing she looked up and saw not the frightened, and exhausted victim of circumstance that stood before her minutes ago. Now stood the fighter, the warrior she'd always been, long before the military broke her down so it could build her back up in its own image. Only, one thing was missing. Reaching up Katie worked at the ties and Bobby pins until, in a cascading black curtain the woman's hair fell around her shoulders.
Better, she thought, running her fingers though it. Somehow, Katie always felt stronger with her hair down. Now she was ready.
Moving out into the main living space of the hotel room Katie buckled down and got to work. Quickly, quietly, and efficiently she cleaned the room. Left mostly abandoned by the kids it had become a cluttered disarray of dirty clothes, gutted luggage bags, and discarded food containers. Where the bedrooms had become their home, the living room was their garbage dump.
Katie couldn't exactly blame any of them for wanting to stick close together, but after thrusting her hands beneath an unassuming pile of clothes and right into the asset's dung heap Katie really wished she could just yell at them. Teeth gritted with anger and disgust the medic made quick work of tossing everything out a window, her earlier concerns be damned. She wasn't about to live in that thing's litter box. It would be house broken, or it would be outside, she fumed, scrubbing and scouring her hands in the sink.
Katie made mental notes to aquire the proper materials for a deep clean, including a carpet shampooer, and a steam cleaner, if possible. It was sometime after uncovering the coffee table, but before realizing that the couch was also a pullout bed that the campers one by one, slowly started to get up. The woman took this as her opportunity to use the vacuum.
"Morning." Darius mumbled groggily from the door when she'd finished, "Chase" resting on his right hip.
"Good morning." Katie smiled as she wound the cord.
"Um, maybe next time-" Darius had begun, but more than a little frustrated with herself for losing track of time the woman made quick work of stowing the machine before squeezing past the boys with a rushed "Excuse me." to check on Ben.
Katie was immediately dismayed to find that Yasmina had beaten her to it, and that the spent fluids bag was resting neatly beside the others.
"That was some fucking wake up." Kenji grumbled irritability as he dug his fists into his eyes beneath the now ruined tent.
"Sure was." Sammy agreed with melancholy from where she sat on her bunk, fists clenching her pant legs.
"I'm sorry?" Katie laughed with confusion and offense.
"It sounded just like the wind when we jumped from the monorail." Yasmina murmured as she repositioned Ben to his left side.
"Yes it fucking did!" Kenji shouted. "Now stop talking about it!"
Katie felt chilled with shock at this new revelation. She hadn't meant to, hadn't thought, or even realized that certain things would be upsetting for the kids. Now, it couldn't be more obvious that there were bound to be a lot of things to go over with them, and that moving forward certain actions to be avoided.
"I'm sorry." Katie said again, more earnestly than before. "I didn't even think about it. I know you've vacuumed, so I didn't think there was-"
"We were all awake and knew what was happening!" the oldest boy continued. "Fuck! That scared the shit out me!" he exclaimed, still rubbing his eyes in what Katie now recognized as an attempt to hide his tears.
"I realize that now, I won't make that mistake again. I'm sorry." Katie apologized feeling that she'd done something unforgivable as the kids all waited in stunned silence for something to happen.
"'T's all right." Sammy smiled getting up and walking across the room to where Yasmina stood with the asset murmuring at her feet.
"Yeah," Darius smiled weakly as he came to stand next to the woman. "Accidents happen."
Katie was getting ready to thank them for understanding her mistake when in a pink flash Brooklynn shoved her way between them.
"Ow!" Darius yelped. Caught off balance between the surprise, and the weight of the little boy he staggered a bit. Then his breath caught, and a tiny, muted smile tugged at his lips. "Good morning, Brooklynn." He called to the girl who made her way to the bathroom.
"Whatever." she grumbled, without turning to look at any of them. Still, her callous nature did nothing to perturb the boy who kept his smile.
That was when Katie noticed the note he clutched in his hand. Worry still painted the halls of Katie's heart, but she hoped this little back and forth was a good sign, and that it gave Brooklynn someone to talk to, and a chance to start healing.
Still feeling guilty, and out of place after the rude awakening she'd given the children whose space she'd invaded, though not without reason, the woman watched as they all quietly meandered to the own tasks or conversations. She had the nagging feeling that she had to remedy the situation, somehow, and nothing made for a better apology than chocolate.
"I'll be right back." she excused herself to fetch her backpack. Bending over she was struck with a wave of dizziness that almost brought her to the ground. Pushing it, and the mounting pressure in her skull away she stood up, gave herself a minute and then walked back into the rooms, trying her best to ignore the growing aura.
"I have something for you guys." the medic smiled hopefully through her pain as she swung the pack onto the foot of Kenji's bed and began to unload all of her pilfered candy.
The kids reactions varied as they all turned and stared quietly at the slowly growing mountain of sugar. Katie looked around the room, not a one said anything, or made a move. The feeling that she'd done something wrong again settled all around Katie as she stood beneath their silent deliberation. It gave the woman an uncanny sense of stage-fright.
Then Kenji scooted forward and was the first one to nab a bar. Though, much to her surprise he didn't immediately begin to eat. Instead he turned the candy bar around and started scrutinizing the ingredients list.
"Dairy." He announced tossing it to the side.
Sammy and Yasmina followed suit. "Eggs." Sammy called.
"What's the stance on honey?" Yasmina rolled her eyes with annoyance.
"No go." Darius shook his head, coming to join them after pocketing the paper he'd been reading.
Katie watched the bizarre ritual as the kids sorted and two distinct piles began to form. A part of her worried that something biased, or unfair was going to come from giving them everything all at once. She was thinking about intervening, when the kids seemed to remember she was there.
"Ben's vegan." Darius smiled up at her, when he realized Katie was watching them.
"Wait y'all!" Sammy said freezing everyone in their tracks. "We need to make sure Ch-" the girl stopped short, guilt written across her face. She cleared her throat and went on. "Chase doesn't get anything with nuts, just in case."
"Guess, I'm on pile three duty then." Yasmina intoned slapping down a pack of licorice in front of her. Quickly candies changed hands, and the kids found a rhythm.
It was surreal to watch them selflessly taking the time to be so considerate towards one another when most grown ass adults weren't even capable of anything close to this. What's more, they were doing it all without any debate, any arguing, and for the benefit of someone who wasn't even conscious. No, Katie had never wanted children, but if her future, imaginary, kids were anything like these ones, maybe it would be worth a few mistakes along the way.
Katie couldn't help but smile.
Brooklynn had been coming out of the bathroom when there was a brisk knock at the front door, and the pink haired girl quickly shut herself back in. Pulse racing, and anxiety flushing her cheeks Katie ran to her weapon.
"Napier." Napier announced herself, just as Katie shouldered the rifle and took aim. "Got chow."
Slowly, the woman who locked eyes with Katie allowed herself in. Seeing that she was alone Katie lowered her weapon, but not her guard. Weighed down by duty, and lightheaded with the dreadful anticipation of pulling the trigger Katie let out a sigh of relief, knowing that this time, she didn't have to.
Peyton Napier watched the whole thing with a look of indifference, her pokerface never faltering in the least. The black woman chose to ignore the medic as she walked the cart straight to the bedrooms, cool as she ever was. That was where Napier paused, staring at the children, and the candy, while the children stared back.
There was a quiet sort of stalemate as Napier seemed to think things over. Katie hated that she had never been able to read the other woman. Napier always played things close to the chest, and rarely gave anything away that she didn't want to. Then after an uncomfortable amount of time Napier snaked a Snickers bar, and a Milkyway. The kids didn't argue, object, or fight. Seemingly they all knew better, though truthfully Katie didn't know what Peyton's reaction would have been either way if they had.
"I need to see you after breakfast." Napier said to Katie, and with that she left, the air a little bit cooler than what it had been when she'd first arrived.
Feeling her shoulders sag at the relief of all her pent energy draining out of her Katie set the gun down, flashed an awkward smile, and moved towards the food tray.
"Breakfast?" she asked.
"So, is Katie like, your real name, or just your American name?" the question came as the group was milling through their granola, and the strawberry yogurt that was clearly on its last leg.
Her brow arching Katie would have called the question downright offensive, and possibly even racist if it hadn't come from Kenji. From him, however, it felt judgemental, unnecessarily rude, and still possibly racist. Even then, she was shocked. After seeing the way the kids had respected one another so deeply, a part of her couldn't even believe that one of them had asked that at all.
"Why?" she asked chewing her food thoughtfully.
"Nevermind." he snapped.
"No." Katie swallowed hard, turning fully towards the young man, treading carefully into the waters he had chosen to test. "Why do you want to know?"
Kenji half shrugged, it looked like the motion was a sore one. "I dunno..." he sighed, quiet for a long while as he toyed with his food. "My dad's name is Xi, but he goes by Josiah... I've never asked why. I just, I dunno. Wanted to know if you picked it, and why. Sorry."
Humbled yet again Katie couldn't help but feel shity at how she'd reacted. "No, I'm sorry. And you know, it's actually kind of both."
"Really?" Kenji grinned into his bowl. There was a distance to his gaze, one of longing, and the woman knew he'd much rather be asking his dad these questions.
"How?" Darius piped up from his space on the floor.
Looking around Katie found that once again she had an audience as everyone but Brooklynn who ate in bed watched her.
"Well, its not that interesting a story, really." she blushed lightly as she reflected fondly on being that braces wearing, skinned kneed, little kid of yesteryear. "My given name is Tae-Ki. Family name, personal name." she explained.
Across the room where the Yasmina and Sammy sat bumping elbows the Texan seemed to take a second for some mental mathematics before nodding, and Katie continued.
"But in America, and many other English speaking countries they go personal name, family name. So: Ki Tae." she smirked when a few of them seemed to figure out where she was going with this. "With teachers doing roll call kind of slurring everything together, and classmates struggling, I just decided to go with Katie. It already sounded like what everyone was saying, and it was a name so- I guess I just rolled with the punches." she surmised.
"Tae-Ki." Kenji tried under his breath. "It's pretty. What's it mean?'
"'Tae' means greatness, and 'Ki' means arisen. So, Arisen from greatness." Katie quirked a grin.
"Kenji means 'intelligent second son; strong and virtuous." Kenji announced.
"Second son?" Sammy perked up with interest. "You have a big brother?"
Kenji looked uncomfortable for a moment, as though he regretted bringing any of this up. "Sort of. I think it was a miscarriage or something... They didn't talk about it."
After a few minutes of silence the room started to feel cold. Troubled by this, the woman wanted to break the fresh ice and return the favor with a question of her own. "Anyone ever struggle with your name?"
"Had a friend who kept calling me 'Ken.'" he said. "But I didn't like it, so I hit him until he stopped."
"Oh," Katie laughed nervously. "Playground rules huh?"
Kenji shot her a look of confusion. "No, it was last year. He was just an asshole."
"Oh. What about you Yasmina, Darius? Your names are unique, any problems?" Katie tried to move the subject along.
"A little." the girl nodded.
"All the time, teachers are totally the worst about it!" Darius exploded. "'Dur-I-ass, Dar-wesse, Der-I-US, Dre-Us,' I've pretty much heard every combination you can think of."
"Dur-I-ass!" Kenji snorted a laugh.
"Ken!" Darius retorted.
The kids all started laughing, it was one of those good hearty laughs that spread throughout the room and filled it to the brim. Katie was warmed by their bond, and the way the found a joy of their own. But, eventually, the laugher started to go on just a little too long until it became uncomfortable, and strained as they used it to hide everything they weren't talking about.
"You kids alright?" Katie asked as she moved to gather bowls.
"We're good." Yasmina lied stacking her bowl inside of Sammy's and handing them over.
"You're sure?" Katie probed.
"Peaches and cream." Kenji said settling back onto his pillows.
Reluctantly Katie left it at that.
Once everything was loaded onto the cart and her rifle was looped securely over one shoulder Katie hesitated. Her stomach had twisted itself into knots, and a cold pit had formed in the center of her chest. Her palms were sweaty, and brightly colored orbs had begun to dart across her vision while the aura only grew. Katie's head was pounding, and it felt like her skull was too tight a fit for her brain. The woman knew that the migraine that had been building all morning was finally here. Stress brought them out, and right now the thought of coming face to face with Reed, or worse, Reed making his way in here with the kids while she was gone brought one out big time.
"Sammy." she called leaning on the cart, eyes closed as she tried to force it away.
"Are you alright?" Sammy asked, reaching to put a hand on Katie's arm.
"I will be. I just have headache, is all." Katie replied. Standing herself up straight she looked the girl over, knowing she'd promised herself not to ask anymore of these kids.
It couldn't be helped though, she realized, and maybe that's where she'd been wrong. They did have to grow up, and fast, but in some ways, the ways she would protect they could still be children. Taking her sidearm from her hip Katie put it into the teen's hand. The two locked eyes with tense purpose and meaning for a long sobering minute before the woman let go.
"Keep it under your shirt." Katie commanded. "Use it if you have to, but only if you have to. I'm trusting you."
"Yes ma'am." Sammy nodded with a grave understanding of her duty to her friends.
Turning back to the cart Katie was still troubled.
"Let Brooklynn know you have it." she sighed. "I don't want her to feel vulnerable, and unprotected while I'm gone. I don't want any of you to feel that way, or to be afraid, but being afraid is a way of life now. So, we have to be prepared too. You understand?"
"Yes ma'am." Sammy nodded again as Katie made to take her leave.
"Katie?" Sammy called then.
Turning back the woman was almost knocked off her feet by the Texas sized hug the girl wrapped her in.
"Thanks for trusting me." Sammy whispered into the trembling embrace.
Katie had to push the girl away to keep from crying, it was too much. It was just all too much. Her head was killing her, her neck was sore, and the medic felt compressed by the pressures she was under. Hugs were not the correct prescription at the moment, so she held Sammy at arm's length.
"You're welcome. Just, stay safe. I'll be back." Katie assured.
In the main hall the hotel felt strangely cold and lifeless. A foreboding sense of doom seemed to permeate every atom within the building. Glancing towards the elevators and then back behind her Katie made contact with Matt Howe and gingerly nodded her throbbing head in his direction. The man returned the gesture, stood, and moved his chair closer to the kids' room.
"I'll be right back." she said.
"And I'll be here." Matt, who desperately needed some sleep and someone to relieve him of watch, yawned.
Debriefing yesterday had been short and heated. A literal he said, she said as the medic had squared off against Reed. The verdict had been less than satisfactory: survival came first, civility second. They'd lost too many men already, and Reed could shoot, so, there was nothing to do on the matter until they got stateside when they could bring him up on charges. It was an all too familiar story. One as old as the very concept of a military itself. That was when Katie packed her shit and moved in with the kids.
As she made her way to the elevators the woman tried hard not to think less of Purdy for his decision, because as disgusting as it was he had a point, and both Purdy and Reed were well aware of it. Reed had even spelled out as they had huddled against the rain in that dilapidated theater. Like it or not they needed someone with his skills.
Besides Purdy had been in a state himself when they'd gotten back. They'd lost Lawrence, and he wasn't about to throw Reed to the lions over what he considered to be hearsay and speculation. Brooklynn wouldn't talk about what had happened, and Katie hadn't actually seen him in the room with her. Still, the decision sat poorly with Katie, and trust was lost between the two, and she'd made damn sure Purdy knew it.
It was Howe who'd listened. It was Howe who'd expressed his remorse, and concerns. It was Howe who'd told her what really happened to Lawrence, in the end. It was Howe that Katie trusted.
After she'd said everything there was to say Matt swore to keep an eye on Reed. Then without mincing his words he'd asked Katie to uphold her duty and look into Purdy's mental state. Slightly offended that the man thought she would let personal differences keep her from doing her job Katie agreed. Their alliance was formed.
Darting from the lobby to the kitchens Katie squinted against the harsh florescent lights that flared brightly throughout her vision as she entered. After adjusting, she found Napier at the sinks, wrist deep in hot water as she cleaned up from breakfast.
"Gonna give Howe a break after this, make a late lunch." Napier called over her shoulder. She seemed perfectly at ease there, positioned unarmed, and alone.
"If you're taking suggestions-" Katie started.
"I am not." Napier cut in. "There's a strict inventory, and goods about to expire."
"Ah, I see." Katie replied flatly as she plopped the dirty dishes she had brought with her into the sink.
The women past a look between one another. Katie wasn't sure how to interpret it, she never was with Napier who always seemed to stand in the median between annoyance and passive acceptance regardless of the situation. Like someone who always expected the worst, and was rarely disappointed.
"I need you to distribute those for me." Napier motioned to several neat and orderly backpacks positioned on a nearby counter.
It was clear that the bags had been tactically repurposed from various hotel rooms as they varied in size, style, and even target demographic. In spite of this they all had that boot camp readiness to them, as though the drill sergeant might walk in at any moment to declare them gear adrift and mete out one form of punishment or another.
"One a person."
"What are they?" Katie asked, pressing hard against her temples in an attempt to alleviate the attack.
"Bug out bags. Low odor foods: rice, dried legumes, dehydrated fruits and nuts, water." Napier explained. "Flashlights, and an allotment of basic medical supplies."
"Jesus Napier, you're a goddamn boyscout." Katie laughed dryly.
"No." the woman said, her voice hard. "I'm a marine."
Katie knew she'd touched a nerve there and waited reluctantly for the chance to talk about everything that had been troubling her, a chance she had now, likely ruined. A drum beating at the base of her skull Katie looked around the kitchen through glare blinded eyes. She needed Tylenol and caffeine.
"I wanted to talk to you." the marine said turning away from the sink to look at her. Katie felt herself wobble as she turned a little too quickly to look back. "Debriefing yesterday was a cluster-fuck."
"You can say that again." Katie muttered.
"I don't have a beef with Reed, never have. He's a good guy, never gave me any trouble." Napier observed evenly. Katie's heart started to race. "As far as I can tell he's a good man, just has a few quirks."
The medic opened her mouth the argue but Peyton held up a hand for silence.
"But that doesn't mean I'm stupid, or naive enough to believe that that's all there is to the story. There's lots of good men in the world who do very bad things." she went on thoughtfully. "You tell those kids I've got their six. Just know, he hasn't ever done wrong by me, and that Purdy is my CO, what he says goes."
Katie listened, trying hard to sift through the other woman's words for deeper meaning. "Understood." was all she could get out in response.
"Now, what the hell is wrong with you? You look like shit." Napier snapped.
"Migraine." Katie winced, clutching the back of her neck.
"You've got the drugs, do something about it."
"I'll be alright, I've gotta save the medication." Katie objected.
"Fucking medics!" Napier exclaimed as she rushed past. Acquiring a tall chair she pushed it towards Katie as she continued to mutter. "With their holier than thou complexes, walking around like their shit don't smell."
With that the irate woman stormed out of the kitchens, leaving Katie to slowly sink into the chair. Napier appeared a few minutes later with a coke, and a bottle of aspirin.
"Thank you." Katie murmured, downing everything as quickly as possible.
"I think you mean 'I apologize.'" Peyton said as she returned to the sink.
"Apologize for what?"
"Being shit at your job."
Wounded, and confused Katie stared.
"Don't be mad at me." Napier shrugged lightly as she finished up the washing. "You're the one who thinks she can take care of everyone without taking care of herself first."
She did have a point Katie conceded, as eyes closed she nursed the last bit of soda in the can. It was quiet for a few minutes, save for the occasional clang of two objects striking each other in the sink. Katie took the opportunity to just rest. It wasn't a long rest, but it had to do.
"Hey, Kate." Napier interrupted the woman's solitude. "Don't forget, need you to deliver the bags ASAP."
Irritable from the pain, and the disorientation of opening her eyes Katie snapped, "If you're so worried you do it."
"No." Napier said. "You're the medic. You are taking those bags and delivering them. One a piece-"
Katie tried to argue.
"One a piece!" Napier yelled, her voice echoing in the empty kitchen and reverberating through Katie's skull. "And when you do, you're gonna talk to those people. You're gonna check in on them. And you're gonna make sure we don't have any more quitters."
Katie stopped and stared in shock at what looked like tears welling in Napier's eyes.
"And if we got anyone fixing to quit you're gonna make sure they don't. Because that's your job, and I am done helping Purdy haul bodies to the top floor on some hypothetical of getting them home and buried proper." Now it was Napier's turn to stare, angry, and judgmental.
Maybe she did give a damn, in her own way, Katie thought.
"I'm going to relieve Howe." she excused herself, collecting her gun and leaving Katie to her thoughts.
Katie took a few minutes to collect herself before she moved to the counter and began loading a cart. The packs, she found, were deceptively heavy. After piling a few on top curiosity got the better of the woman and she snuck a peak. There, in the bag were two items that Napier had neglected to mention, a Bible taken from one of the rooms, and a novel. Scouting out a few other bags she found much of the same. There was no rhyme or reason behind which bag got which type of novel, but each and every one contained a book and a Bible, both of which seemed strangely out of place.
No, it was something for the survivors to escape in, and something for them to build a foundation upon, she reasoned against her initial skepticism. It was a thoughtful gesture, though one that seemed uncharacteristic for Napier.
Katie brought the densely packed cart upstairs and started her deliveries, and assessments with Trish and her daughter. The mother was standoff-ish and aloof, her clothes were unkempt, and her hair was a tangled mass of knots. The little girl on the other hand was well tended to, clean, hair in curly little pigtails, and she was sporting a new dress as she slept in front of a quiet television.
Katie explained the supplies and their purpose but Trish seemed distracted, chewing on her nails, giving brief nods, and little "Uh huhs," in place of reciprocating conversation. The room though generally tidy was ravaged by crayons and markers scribbled across all of the the walls, and various stains adorned the carpet.
"Is there anything you need?" Katie asked when she couldn't seem to make any headway.
"No, I'm fine." Trish said dismissively.
"What about Ivy, does she need anything?"
"Yes, actually." Trish said, alive for the first time since Katie had begun speaking to her. "Diapers, pull-ups, even, wipes, diaper cream, snacks, a fucking iPad, toys, something, anything!" she railed. "We're trapped in here in this room, she's scared, she's bored, she's hungry and picky eater, and are you people even trying to get us off this fucking island anymore?" she shrilled, her voice breaking.
Caught of guard, head throbbing, the medic was quick to try and remember to empathize and respond instead of simply reacting.
"I know it must be very frustrating, and frightening for the both of you." Katie mediated. "I will look around and grab you whatever I can find to help. We are definitely still trying to get out of here. I promise to keep you up to date and informed as to our progress."
Trish snorted, turning away, eyes aflutter.
"I'm sorry I can't give you anything more solid than that." Katie apologized. "Is there anything else you need?"
"It's fine, whatever, get out." Trish rolled her eyes as she moved to walk Katie to the door.
Outside Katie took a deep breath. Trish was detaching from everything, everything but her child. At least that was a silver lining, a slim one, but it was there. Katie had to remember not only to gather the necessary supplies, but to check in, to validate Trish's feelings, and support her as the mother of a small child in a survival situation. With that in mind she moved to the next room.
In stark contrast to Trish, Josh, the twenty-something ride operator wouldn't shut up. He rattled off an endless slew of anxiety driven questions, proposed likely answers to said questions, and then proceed to bombard the woman with even more inquiries all while refusing to give her the opportunity to speak.
"Are you alright?" Katie asked, brows raised in stunned silence when at last he'd finished.
"Yeah." the young man sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "It was a summer job, you know?" he laughed. "Seemed like the dream. Yeah the people sucked, but that's customer service for you. I'd have had the same luck in retail. Only I got to see the dinosaurs and go on all the rides when my shift was over. Don't get that working at Wal-Mart. I should have gotten a job there. It would have been better if I'd worked there. It was my burnout year though. College, burnout. Not drugs. I'm not a burn out. I mean, I smoke pot with my friends, but, like, I needed a break from school."
"Ok." Katie smiled, trying to separate herself from his overwhelming, and downright infectious amount of sheer dread.
"We're, we're getting outta here right?" Josh asked, ringing his hands together.
"With any luck." Katie said optimistically.
"Yeah, yeah, ok good." Josh nodded as he paced in front of her. "And this lockdown shit is bullshit. No offense. I mean, I'm going crazy in here by myself. Like, isn't this cruel and unusual punishment? Like, I didn't break any laws. I'm not in jail. Why am I in solitary confinement? And why is solitary confinement even a legal form of punishment? Did you know solitary was invented by the Quakers in, like, the 1800s? But even they thought it was too inhumane."
"I did not know that." Katie confessed, looking around at the chaotic disarray of the room, one that reflected the young man's frantic state of mind.
"So then, like, why?" he asked on the verge of tears. "Just, why?"
"I don't know." Katie said full of remorse. "I'll see what I can do, and I'll try to visit more often."
"You're leaving?" Josh's eyes went wide.
"I am." Katie winced. "There's other people I need to check on."
Josh sat heavily on his bed. He stared vacantly at the wall across from him for a long, hard minute. It didn't seem like he was there anymore 1,000 yard stare glossing over his eyes.
"Promise you'll come back?" he whispered.
Walking over Katie gave him a squeeze on the shoulder. "I promise." she vowed.
In the hall, the woman hesitated just outside his door. He was in a bad way, and the isolation was definitely making it worse. She couldn't remember, but it didn't seem like anyone had bypassed his TV, either. He'd literally been locked in there alone without any for of escapism, or communication. It was little wonder he was climbing at the walls and was so desperate for conversation. If they weren't careful they were going to lose him too, she thought.
Pete, who stood in the doorway, quietly inspected his supplies before offering up a half smile. "Mahalo, thanks."
"You're welcome." Katie said leaning around him to inspect his living space. The room appeared clean, but very lived in. "Is there anything else you need?"
"Nah. Dem kids gonna be alright?" the man questioned as placed his bag just inside the door. "Der were a lot of dem. Gotta be scared."
"They're hanging in there." Katie said.
"Good. Hate seeing kieki scared l'dat." Pete looked the woman over as if appraising her and much as she was him. "You kuleana, for dem?"
"What?" Katie puzzled, trying to piece together what he was saying. He spoke with a relaxed sense of ease in spite of how guarded he was around her.
"Kuleana, responsible. You der aunty?" he asked.
"Yes, I guess I am." she shrugged with a helpless smile.
"Good, dey need dat."
"Are you sure you don't need anything?"
"Nah, I'm good." Pete said as he closed the door. "Thank you."
After Pete Katie found herself lingering outside of room 611, her rage bubbling to the surface as she glared at the wooden panel that sperated her from Isaac Reed. He'd been moved there in the interest of peaceful cohabitation, it was Purdy's means of a compromise. The woman dropped the bag on the floor and turned away without any further ceremony. Peyton who watched her from Matt's chair didn't say a word.
That pretty much left Matt, Purdy, and the kids, Katie realized. Bracing herself to face her CO, the woman shouldered two packs, and walked into the room. The living room was a mass of what Intel and supplies they could gather. A row of walkie-talkies were lined up on chargers against the north wall, each set to a different channel. Paperwork, workers handbooks, the hotel's evacuation plans, and the like were cluttered along the table and sofa, their weapons stockpile, or what was left of it was lined up nearby.
Walking further into the base of operations Katie eyed the bunk room door. She had been staying there previously. It had been where she tended to the now dead Lawrence. A vice squeezed her heart.
In conflict with herself Kaite was unsure of where she stood on the subject of the mercy killing. She knew from experience what a stomach wound could do to someone, how long, and agonizing a death it could be. She knew that a nicked bowel meant sepsis. And she knew that it wouldn't have been a decision that Purdy would have made in the heat of the moment, nor was it one that he would have taken lightly. The medic just couldn't bring herself to reconcile with the fact that in her absence it had gotten to the point of no return, and therein lie her ethical dilemma.
Nothing was ever simple in life, she realized with a sigh, everything had to have such nuance to it. She hated living in a world of such varied grays, but that's just how life went, she guessed.
Matt was asleep on the bed nearest the door. That was where she gently deposited his pack. Even in sleep he looked spent. It was good he was getting sleep when and where he could.
Outside, on the balcony, the woman saw Prudy taking a long drag from a cigarette. A turbulent blend of lingering anger, fresh nerves, and deeply rooted doubts and confusion mingled within her soul. Sliding open the door she stepped outside and joined the man where he leaned against the railing. They stood without speaking for a long while as Katie breathed in the noxious, yet enjoyably ticklish fumes of his second hand smoke.
She missed cigarettes. She missed beer. She missed a lot of things. But she didn't miss who she had become after discharge. She was better now. Her sister had helped her get better. Katie loved her for that.
"It's too God damn beautiful here." Purdy thought aloud, breaking the silence between them. "I've always thought so."
Katie squinted out, across the cold unfeeling concrete, steel, and glass of the park and towards the mountain and into that deep impenetrable green. A breeze moved through the dense foliage in the far distance, bending, and bowing the trees, first one way, then the other. It was like nature's ballet as they danced beneath a peerless blue sky, not a cloud in site. If she got higher, the woman thought, she might even be able to catch sight of the ocean, even just a sliver of it. Breathing in the humid late-morning air, she had to admit that there really was something enchanting about this place. In its own, very complicated, way.
"That's what's so dangerous about places like this. You get five, maybe ten minutes of peace, you look around yourself and see paradise, and you forget where you really are, and what you're really dealing with." the man went on. "It's what I'm willing to bet happened with the asset, the one that breached containment. What, by the sounds of it, happened to Colton."
Katie's brow knit angrily and she started to object, but Purdy kept going.
"It's not incompetence, and it's not arrogance either. It's just human nature. No one ever truly believes that they're going to die, even when staring death straight in the eye." he paused to take another drag. "But death comes for us all sooner or later. Even here, in paradise."
"I have to ask, about Lawrence." Katie prodded after a while.
The man stared hard at the horizon, but nodded his head as if he'd expected such a line of questioning. "Yeah." he hissed the smoke between his teeth. "He was already going, started hallucinating, wasn't making much since, crying. He was in pain. I did what I had to do, the only thing I could do."
Katie listened gravely as she tried to put aside her arrogant notions that she could have saved the man's life. Purdy was right, it sounded like there really wasn't anything left to do for him. Infection, septic infection in particular spread like wildfire and it was hell in heels to try and stop it.
"I know," she said. "I just needed to hear it from you."
"I suppose you did."
"I've been seeing to the others," Katie went on. "And I think this lockdown has gone on for far too long. Some of them desperately need some socialization, or we're going to lose them, just like the suicide in 611."
Purdy seemed to give it some thought.
"All I'm asking is that you at least let them have free reign of the sixth floor!" she said with exasperation when the man didn't seem inclined to answer her.
"Everyone?" he asked in monotone as he continued to stare at the jungle.
Katie's heart skipped a beat, and the spots in her vision flared. "Everyone but Reed."
"I'll take your advice into consideration." he said in concession.
"He did it, Luis. He hurt that girl, and I think he killed Terry because Terry wouldn't stand for it." Katie said through grit teeth, voice hard and angry even as the tears slipped out.
The man turned to look at her for the first time since they'd begun to speak. "I know." he murmured. "But we need him. We don't know how long we're going to be stuck here, or if there's any other way off the island other than sitting on our hands and waiting to be rescued. Like I tried to tell you yesterday, that means that until there's a better solution, and until we can get him before a judge, that's just the way things are going to have to be."
Katie glowered at him in a hard scowl, hatred and distain for a man she once respected growing.
"You don't have to like it. I don't like it. It's just the way things have got to be, for now." Purdy reiterated.
There was a stretch of uneasy quiet before the CO began again. "You say you've looked in on the others?"
"I have."
"What's the status, other than a touch of cabin fever." he questioned, flicking away his spent cigarette butt, fidgeting for a moment and with an agitated sigh lit another.
"Trish is hanging on by a thread. The only thing that's kept her grounded is her daughter." Katie responded, as she reflected on the woman, and the state of her room. "She can't be left alone with Chase-"
"Chase?"
"The little black boy. I'm not calling him CB. It was a sick idea to begin with, but now that the kids have come up with something better the moniker 'Compy Bait,' dies here." Katie said hotly.
"Chase. Fine. Why not?"
"Trish was taking her anger and frustration out on him, physically, verbally, it got bad. I'm surprised you hadn't noticed." Katie kept going, she didn't even give the man time to formulate an argument or an excuse. "Josh, the park employee, seems to be in the worst shape. Crawling up the walls, trashed his space, but not with any sort of malice, he's just scared and alone. He'll be the first one to go if we don't ease up a bit. The kids- I don't even know where to begin with the kids. One minute they're all dust in the wind, the next they're more calm and collected than I am."
"Hmm."
"I'm going to try talking to them one on one." Katie thought aloud. "Get a feel for them away from the group."
"Good idea." Purdy agreed.
"Pete's a hard read, tight lipped, standoff-ish. We can thank Colton for that." Katie mused as she watched one of the flyers soar into the distance. "Speaking of difficult reads, Napier's got a handle on the situation, but, I don't know..."
"What don't you know?" the man asked.
"Have you ever known her to be particularly religious?" Katie countered with a question of her own.
"Not explicitly, no. Why?"
Katie shrugged, a thoughtful line creasing her forehead. "She packed Bibles in the bug out bags. There's one in all the rooms, but, now they're in all the bags too."
"Is that a problem?" Purdy muttered.
"No, its just, I didn't think-" Katie shrugged and left it at that. "Matt's, Matt, I don't think we'll ever know if he's cracking until he's good and shattered. Reed can go to hell for all I care. I'm fine. And you?"
Purdy took a long drag, let the smoke curl slowly from his lips and smiled, "You're 'fine.' Then so am I."
Katie glared. "I'm managing."
"So am I."
"They're kids!" she snapped. "They shouldn't be getting put through the meat grinder!"
"And Lawrence was my friend, and I shouldn't have had to do what I did." Purdy looked at her again, this time with tears in his eyes. "So, how're you doing?"
"I'm just about spent." Katie murmured in shock.
Purdy smiled as he started to cry. "Me too."
Katie stood rubbing the man's back as he leaned against the safety rail and, crying, recounted his each and every regret. It was, in a humbling way, bizarre to see the man wailing out his sorrows and remorse, the woman thought. She'd never seen him lose his composure before, not even in anger. He had always been the calm, level-headed anchor that kept the unit on task. Turning him towards her and enveloping him in an embrace Katie did her best to be of comfort. Angry as she was, he was still her friend and she wasn't about to leave him like that.
The whole ordeal of checking in on everyone, and gathering the items requested by Trish, had taken much longer than Katie had expected, and she was glad she'd armed Sammy beforehand.
"I'm taking a nap." the woman explained to the kids from where she checked Ben over when she'd gotten back.
"You doing alright?" Sammy asked with worry.
"Still just that darn headache." Katie assured. "The bags are by the door, one each, in case of emergency evacuation. See you in an hour or so."
Lunch, as Peyton had said it would be, was late, but by the time it arrived the migraine had passed. Sammy and Darius were quick to help hand out the bowls of beef heavy chili. The boy in question grabbed one and headed straight to the bunk room, trying hard to conceal the note he palmed at the base of the vessel as he went. Katie and her wards ate clustered around the television.
After cleaning up from their meal was when Katie announced, "I'd like to see each of you one on one to go over a few things. How you're doing, food allergies, and other basic medical history, and stuff. Nothing too personal, I promise. I just need something to work off of."
"Why?" Kenji questioned.
"Because, I need to know these things." Katie countered matching his tone.
"Why?"
"Because I'm the closest thing we have to a doctor here." Katie elaborated.
"But why can't we just answer your dumb questions in here?" the boy argued.
"Because what if there's something you don't want everyone else knowing. Or something you're embarrassed about." Katie said trying her best to remain cool tempered.
"Just knock your shit off asshat!" Yasmina shouted, clearly having had enough. Katie bristled at the blatant hostility and was getting ready to reprimand her when the kids moved the conversation along completely unphased.
"Yeah, quit giving Katie a hard time!" Sammy added.
After a minute Katie asked, "Now, who wants to go first?"
The room was suddenly very, very quiet.
"Well damn y'all!" Sammy laughed nervously. "Guess it's me, then."
Getting up Katie led the way outside. The medic gave Matt, who was back at with sentry duty, a nod and he respectfully picked up his chair and moved further down the hall.
"Did you tell Brooklynn about what I gave you?" Katie started out in a whisper.
"Yeah, here-" Sammy nodded, reaching towards her waistband.
"Keep it. Just promise you'll be responsible with it." Katie instructed.
"I swear." Sammy said earnestly.
"Did knowing help Brooklynn at all?"
Sammy shrugged. "I dunno, I think so. I hope so."
"Me too." Katie lamented in agreement. "Did it help you?"
"Yeah, it really, really did."
"Good. Did you tell anyone about... what happened?" Katie asked as gingerly, and tactfully as she could.
"No." Sammy shook her head. "I promised I wouldn't."
"Maybe you should tell Yasmin-"
"No!" Sammy snapped. "I promised, and you can't say nothing either!"
"Ok, ok. I'm sorry." Katie was quick to apologize, and try to make things right, though she thought it was better that they all be prepared, just in case. "I'm sorry."
"It's fine. What now?" Sammy, who started picking at her nail beds, asked anxiously.
"Now? Now you just talk to me like I'm your doctor." Katie stated. "Any allergies?"
"None that I can think of."
"Any illnesses or anything?" the medic who was nervous about how to approach the upcoming, and very uncomfortable topic of Sammy's secret, asked.
"When I was little I had asthma, but I grew out of it."
"Your head alright? What about the scratches?" Katie pointed first at Sammy's face, then motioned over her shoulder towards her back.
Sammy looked perplexed, reached up and touched her face with caution. "Um, no." she said in confusion. "All good."
"Anything, um, else, that I should know about?" Katie asked dragging it out.
"Not really." Sammy whispered, avoiding eye contact.
Katie pinched the bridge of her nose, as she flushed with embarrassment. "Sammy, I had your six on bathroom trips for three days. I know that you've got- that you're a-."
Sammy went bright red, she started shuffling her feet, and couldn't look at Katie anymore.
"I'm sorry." Katie apologized, feeling as though her headache was going to make a come back. "I don't know what the right words are. I've never met someone like- you..."
"The word is 'trans.' I'm trans." Sammy grit.
Katie smoothed a hand through her hair, pressing forward uncomfortably. "I have to ask though, what does that mean in this kind of situation?"
"What do you mean, 'what does it mean?'" the girl roared in tearful anger. "It doesn't mean anything! I'm still just me! I'm- I'm just-"
"Not what I meant!" Katie rushed out hands held in surrender. "Not at all what I meant."
Sammy stared at the woman full of hurt.
"Medically speaking, what does it mean? Like are you OK? Were you on hormones?" Katie cringed at herself.
"Oh." the girl said with lingering bitterness in her tone. "I haven't had any of my HRT since, well, since all this happened. So... no testosterone blockers, or estrogen, or anything like that."
"So, your testosterone will come back?"
"Yeah, like... puberty."
"So we should watch for mood swings, change in apetite... general puberty ...stuff. Anything else?" Katie tried, struggling to get a look at the girl's face. "Sammy, are you alright."
The girl sniffed her nose, "No. It's just not fair. None of its fair! Dinosaurs, Reed, dead people everywhere, I'm scared! And now this on top of it all? I don't want... I don't want to be off my HRT. I don't like myself without it. I don't feel like myself without it! And now I'm stuck here on Killer Dinosaur Island and I can't even feel right in my own skin!" she sobbed, heartbroken and afraid.
"I'm sorry, I really am." Katie said, trying to sympathize, but it was like the girl was speaking a foreign language.
Katie watched as she dissolved into a fit of, in Katie's opinion, unwarranted tears. There were much bigger things at stake than whatever this- this bizarre type of vanity was. The woman found herself staring in profound awe, and wondering what was wrong with this kid?
Empathize and respond, the medic told herself firmly, don't react, don't let your own feelings and opinions rob her of the help she so badly needs. Katie pulled Sammy into a hug and let her cry.
"This situation is hard enough as it is." Katie murmured into the girl's hair. "I can't imagine going through it, and all of these hormonal shifts, and all the emotions you must be experiencing. My headache alone just about knocked me out of my boots today, you must be in headache city, huh?"
Sammy nodded.
"Do any of your friends know?" Katie asked.
"I told Yaz and- Ugh!" Sammy covered her face with her hands and let out a whimper. "Darius walked in on me a few days ago. I don't know what he saw but, ugh! And if you know, Brooklynn knows! I fucking hate this!"
"It's ok." Katie hugged the girl closer. Her mind however, was whirling with concern and wouldn't let her leave it there. "Just keep it to yourself, as much as you can ok? I don't- I don't want anyone to- I don't know... I just don't know how they'd react. Just don't tell anyone."
"I won't." Sammy trembled into the embrace. "I won't!"
They stood like that for a long time, before with a final reassuring squeeze she sent Sammy to call for the next patient. Katie let out a held breath as she waited. Sammy was strong, but only on the outside, she realized, only for the people who needed her. The woman had suspected as much, after the night the girls had been lost, but this confirmed it. Katie knew now that she was going to have to keep a close eye on the girl, on all of them, if things shook out the way she expected them to.
"You made Sammy cry." Kenji glowered at the woman as he stiffly shuffled out the door. "Why?"
"I didn't mean to, we were just talking." Katie sighed. "I'm sorry."
"You say that, a lot." he spat with irritation.
"I mean it, a lot." the medic raised her eye brows in surprise at the venom he spoke with.
"Do you?" the boy glared.
"I do."
"If you say so." he muttered.
There was a tense standoff as they sized each other up like combatants, before Katie, doubtful of herself started in with the questions. "Do you have any allergies or medical problems that I should know about?"
"No."
"How are your ribs?"
"Broken." he said with dry sarcasm, testing her patience.
"How are you feeling about all of this?" Katie gave a tight-lipped smile, trying to maintain her composure with the teen.
"Just another day in paradise!" he smiled back. The expression had an uncomfortable amount of warmth to it, especially given how upset he clearly was.
"Kenji, please. It's my job to try and keep everyone together and in a good place. Just tell me, honestly, how are you feeling?" the woman pried.
"How do you think I'm feeling?" he laughed in bitter disbelief. "It feels like we're all going to die here and there's nothing anyone, not even you, can do about it."
They stood staring at one another as Kenji's first quiet tears fell.
"It feels like why even bother?" he went on. "Like nothing matters. But then, if nothing matters why am I so scared? Why am I so worried for everyone? Why do I care if Chase is getting knocked around? I mean we're all going to die anyway, so why do I care when Darius gets his stupid feelings hurt? Why does it kill me to know that Ben's dying? Or- or that- that he's dying- he's-"
Katie reached out to put a hand on his shoulder but the young man pulled away. Kenji tipped his head back then and closed his eyes, "Stop being such a pussy! Man up!" he muttered angrily towards the ceiling.
"Just, fix Ben... nothing else matters. Just fix him ok?" he demanded, pridefully wiping away his tears.
"I'm doing my best." Katie said softly. "And I'm-"
"Let me guess, you're fucking 'sorry?'" Kenji snapped casting her a final angry glance before heading back into the room. Behind the half closed door the young man let out a howl of pain and frustration, that made the woman jump.
"Everyone good down there?" Matt called to Katie.
"5 by 5." she called back.
Kenji was a loose cannon, the woman thought, a danger to himself, and possibly even others with his self-destructive nature. Getting him alone, and away from the group had revealed just how much he'd been hiding. Katie wasn't sure how to deal with the boy, and her heart was racing as she tried to puzzle out a solution. He was clearly anxious, and deeply depressed, but also strangely codependent on the others. She couldn't help but feel that of any of them were to meet their untimely end here on this island that it wasn't a question as to if, but when that reality would kill Kenji too.
Yasmina appeared, interrupting the woman's train of thought a few minutes later. Before Katie could even say hello she cut in with an inquiry of her own. "What'd you say to them?"
"We just talked about being here and how they're feeling about it."
"That was a stupid thing to do." Yasmina scoffed hard, like she had something caught in her throat.
"I'm starting to realize that." Katie agreed.
"I tore my ACL before, this feels a lot like that, I'm allergic to dogs, and I was born with a heart murmur, but that hasn't slowed me down yet." Yasmina summarized her medical history in a breath. "As far as being here, I'm trying my best not to think long term, just day by day. I think in a way we all are. Anything else hurts too bad. When are we hooking Ben up to fluids again?"
She was so strong, Katie thought looking the girl up and down, but she needed to be kept from pushing herself too far because breaking points were a lot closer than most people realized.
"How have things been with the girls since they've been back?" Katie asked, testing the subject.
"Fine." Yasmina shrugged. "Brooklynn's back to being a 'super star' which means being a super bitch, so, par for the course I guess..." the girl stopped and stared at the floor, she heaved a sigh.
"I've been trying to remind myself that Denali is no Everest, but it's no joke either." she muttered deep in thought. "Brooklynn's done a lot for us too. I've just been trying to remind myself of that, but 'giving grace' isn't exactly my greatest strength." the teenager shrugged.
"Sounds like you're doing great to me." Katie observed.
"Yeah, well, it sucks. I'd rather just be mad." Yasmina grumbled.
"Why?"
"Because that way at least I'd be right."
"How so?" Katie asked quizzically.
"Because she's acting like a bitch, so I should be able to treat her like one. Instead I've got to check myself, and now it's my problem, and I'm wrong for treating her like that." the girl explained with some very circular logic.
"Sammy's right though." Yasmina shrugged. "Whatever they went through, it was a lot. I need to just give them time... So, Ben?"
Katie smiled with an exhausted sense of approval, "I'll get him set up soon as we're done here."
"Cool." with that, Yasmina turned and left before anything else could be said.
"No, Bumpy, stay!" Darius scolded as he tried to squeeze his frame through a gap he'd made in the doorway. The asset hooted loudly as it tried to follow him out. "Sorry." the boy grinned once he was standing in front of the medic.
"How are you doing?" Katie cut to the chase.
"Fine, I guess." he said. "I'm better now."
"What do you mean now?" Katie asked.
Darius shrugged. "I was kinda out of it, while the team was missing. I dunno how to explain it. Autopilot or something. I got like that after my dad died. I'm better now though."
Stunned Katie just watched the boy, and all his minute nervous movements for a good long while, until he said something. "I've had my tonsils taken out." he piped up.
"What?"
"I've had my tonsils taken out." he said again. "I dislocated my shoulder a couple times since, well, Indominus, but other than that I think I'm good. Hypertension and diabetes run in the family though, but I don't think we really have to worry about that yet."
Darius seemed a little too at ease, she thought. Then his gaze flickered to something behind her, before shifting towards something on her left, and back again. Katie followed his look to Matt, then the door to the Command Center. His smile seemed to hold an uneasy waver to it, after she had taken note.
"Do you want to talk about what happened with Lawrence and Purdy?" the woman asked in a soft, forgiving tone.
Darius shook his head, eyes wide with fright.
"Ok. Um, how are you feeling, in general?"
"Just, really scared." he said, eyebrows coming together. "I mean, how am I supposed to feel?"
"There's no right or wrong answer to that."
"Oh, ok. I'm just scared, and really, really worried about my friends."
"That's natural, and its clear that you care about them very much." Katie breathed.
"I do." he was quick to agree. "Is um, is that all?"
"It can be. If you want it to be." Katie assured.
Darius turned to go back when he stopped and began to fidget.
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah." he sighed as if admitting defeat to something. "Can I tell you something? I think it's important?"
Katie's heart leapt. She wondered if it had anything to do with Brooklynn, and the letters the two had been exchanging off and on throughout the day.
"Sure." she smiled.
"It's going to sound bad." he mumbled.
"You can tell me."
"We were all friends at Camp Cretaceous, right?" he started rattling out a story. "Like we used to do all these things together, you know? And it was fun, and it was good, but Roxie made sure we all knew we were in charge of our own laundry. There was a chore chart and everything, but we had to make sure we got our own laundry to the laundry room, right?"
"Ok?" the woman nodded though she couldn't tell where this was going.
"Well, I was hyped about everything, and seeing the dinosaurs, and just everything was so fun and exciting, and who has time for laundry, you know?" he said, pacing a little bit in front of the door now. "I wasn't always the best and remembering my laundry, neither was Kenji. So, I kept reusing my socks, but after a while, they started to get really ripe, you know? So- this is bad!" he stopped his story.
"This is going to sound so bad!" he said anxiously. "It kind of important, though, and I'm really worried that- I don't know. It's just bad."
"It's fine. Whatever it is, just tell me." Katie said with gentle authority.
"Well, Ben's always been so neat, and he had plenty of socks, so I thought I'd just borrow a pair of his, just for the day, but -" Darius winced. "I wasn't snooping or going through his things, I swear to God!" he exclaimed earnestly.
"I believe you!"
"He um... he had a bottle of pills wrapped in his socks..." Darius mumbled. "I wasn't snooping, but, Roxie and Dave were in charge of getting Brooklynn and Sammy their medicine, and everything. I wondered why he was hiding his. So, I looked at the bottle."
"What was it?" Katie asked, knowing now the importance of his story.
Darius' brow creased in concentration, "I don't know, it had a weird name, like Vanilla Fox or something."
Katie stared, trying hard to figure out what he meant. She wasn't the best with drug names, but something about it sounded vaguely familiar. "Vanilla fox?" she muttered. "Vanilla fox... venlafaxine?"
"I think so." Darius nodded, his eyes troubled. "I wasn't snooping, but... there were other bottles, too... is he like, sick, sick?"
"No." Katie shook her head. "But, he might have been a little depressed."
"Oh."
"He'll be alright. I used to be a vanilla fox, too." she winked, trying to make at least one of these kids smile.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." Katie hugged him, but this news was far less than good.Knowing that Ben, whom she'd never officially met had preexisting metal health problems, made things a whole lot more complicated. Knowing from her own experience with the drug that venlafaxine could be used for anything from depression to PTSD, and even certain types of chronic pain she didn't even know where to start with this kid. Her mind was wrestling with so much when, suddenly, a question rose to the surface.
"What medicine was Brooklynn on?" Katie asked then as an afterthought.
"I never asked." Darius admitted. "But, if I had to guess," he paused to lean in close to whisper. "Don't tell anyone, but, she has an eating disorder. I think it was for that."
Katie squeezed her eyes shut at the memory of the girl in a tattered shirt. Katie knew that Brooklynn was all skin and bones beneath her layers. "I won't. Thank you for watching out for them, Darius. You're a good friend."
"I don't feel like it." he muttered, betrayal and disappointment in his tone.
Brooklynn didn't come to see Katie. The medic hadn't exactly expected her to, but she'd hoped.
That night, Katie sat toying with her food as they all watched a movie. If anyone had said anything to her, she hadn't noticed. Buried too deeply in her thoughts, the woman was busy trying to find a way to rally her troops, and keep their spirits alive. There were a lot of things to consider, and she hadn't even thought to ask about what she could do to make things better for them, like avoiding the vacuum. She was just beginning to formulate a plan when the lights flickered, and went out.
Everything was panic as throughout the hotel people, scared, and alone were thrust into the darkness...