This chapter, and a future chapter, are dedicated to Reggie Grover, otherwise known as 'Slick Goku'. Rest In Peace, and know that you will always be Slick.

It was a calm day, a bit of a lazy day actually. Goku and Vegeta were busy beating the crap out of each other while the others were doing their own things. Eventually, they left the training room, only to see the Battle Box spark to life, and this time, it spat out a VHS tape which skidded across the ground. By the time Goku had picked it up, Piccolo had arrived on the scene, sensing something was amiss with a sudden surge in power. It was a black rectangle, with 'DAU: The Perfect Jigglypuff' written crudely on the label. Looking the tape over, a 'Be Kind, Rewind' sticker was on it, as well as a sticker for some place called 'Blockbreaker Entertainment'.

"Anyone have any idea what this is?" Goku asked aloud, looking from Vegeta, to Piccolo, to Master Roshi and Krillin, who were also in the building and had picked up on something happening nearby.

"You mean aside from a video tape?" Roshi asked, semi-sarcastically. "DAU… that sounds familiar, but I can't say where. It ain't somethin' I think we need to be afraid of." He noticed something stuck to the back of the tape and pulled it off, opening the note and scanning it.

This tape is a 'saga' a series of shorts created by the YouTuber of D-Zero known as 'DevilArtemis'. They're a 3D-Animator who became known for their series of 'Cell Vs.' shorts where they played a parody of Perfect Cell. Over the past many years, they have gained a following for their animation, humor and bizarre take on everything. Cell has taken on hundreds of foes, many of which would show up in Death Battle, but that's not my point.

Cell also has a sidekick/friend, Kermit the Frog, a character from a long-running kids' series, 'The Muppets'. Neither of them acts like they normally do, but who cares? Here's a collection of shorts you guys should get a kick out of.

Profiler

"…wait, didn't we see a few of these?" Krillin remarked, remembering something back when Cell had actually been here. "With Spider-Frog?"

"Hey, yeah! We did!" Goku snapped his fingers, the shorts coming back to him now. "Those were weird, but pretty funny!" He'd be down to watch these, maybe there was something about fighting, or they were just funny!

"Really? This is what the box sends us?" Vegeta scoffed, disappointed. It had shown such potential, and then… this?"

"P.S. if Vegeta is there he's probably gonna complain about this, so just tell him he can go brood about it in his high chair." Roshi read the bottom of the letter, then failed to hold back a laugh. Vegeta scowled, snatching the letter from the old turtle hermit and reading it, crushing it in frustration.

"How dare…" He sighed, and caught his breath, refusing to let this get to him. "Fine. Whatever."

"Hey, if it's making fun of Cell, I'd be interested in seeing it." Piccolo commented, not knowing how he was also represented in the DAU…

HOW TO CATCH A POKÉMON

"Cell, it takes ten minutes." Kermit began, this clearly having been a conversation he had been having or had already had with the Android.

"I don't need one." Cell snapped back, annoyed.

"Everyone needs a pokémon at least once in their life!" Kermit protested.

"Why would that idiot think CELL needs a pokémon?" Vegeta asked, bluntly.

"Hey, they're friends, maybe he's trying to help!" Goku remarked with a shrug. It was weird seeing Cell like this, but he was wondering where it would go. The pokémon they'd seen on DB (and the Squirtle which was helping around the farm) were interesting, so maybe they'd see more of it!

"Didn't they say pokémon training was like a rite of passage in their world?" Roshi mused. He had no idea why CELL would need to do this, but hey. It was what it was.

"Okay fine! …so how does this work?" Cell groaned, clearly worn down enough to give this a chance.

"First, you beat the shit out of them until they stop resisting." Kermit remarked. The music stopped as everyone (Cell included) stared at Kermit in disbelief.

"Wh-what-"

"Did he just say what I think he said?!"

"That's horrible! How can people be okay with this?!"

Roshi… was trying not to laugh out of shock at the sudden turn in everything.

"I mean, these creatures seem to like fighting, maybe this is normal in their world." Piccolo commented. He had been curious how the whole 'Pokémon' thing worked, and when Skorch had described it to him, it seemed like animal abuse. But, upon trying it, he had seen that it wasn't as black and white as that.

"So, this is something Frieza would be into." Vegeta scowled.

"If you wanna be pedantic about it, isn't it what he did with the Frieza Force?" Krillin asked, half-joking, half serious. "Take a bunch of living beings, make em' fight one another and capture the strongest ones?"

"Krillin, I hope you realized you just reffered to billions of other species as nothing more than animals." Master Roshi commented, and Krillin sweat-dropped not need to see Vegeta's look to know he had screwed up here.

"Uh, never mind!"

"And then, you trap them for eternal servitude in these balls." Kermit commented, holding up a PokéBall.

"Holy crap that sounds horrible!" Cell exclaimed, and the Z-Fighters didn't wanna admit they kind of agreed with him on that one.

"I know! And children love it!" Kermit remarked as if nothing was wrong with what he said. "Look over there, I'll catch you that innocent looking Jigglypuff." The duo looked at a small pink puffball that looked kinda like Kirby.

"Odd choice, I wonder if it has some sort of secret skill or-" Goku began.

"Jigglypuff!" It shouted in a much deeper voice than expected.

"Okay. Wasn't expecting that."

"Right…" Cell muttered.

"Now, you want to take the pokémon into consideration, Cell. Jigglypuff isn't that strong of a pokémon, so we can just take it easy and use something basic." Kermit remarked, until a tall, bi-pedal purple cat-thing that looked a bit similar to Beerus appeared. "Like Mewtwo."

"Whoa! It's Lord Beerus!" Goku exclaimed.

"No, you idiot, that's not- that looks VERY similar to Lord Beerus." Vegeta began but cut himself off.

"That… is overkill." Piccolo remarked, knowing a little about Mewtwo, mostly that he was considered EXTREMELY powerful! He had expected something like a Poochyena or a Cubone… not… Mewtwo.

"What the F**K!?" Cell exclaimed.

"USE AURA SPHERE!" Kermit ordered, and Mewtwo summoned a ball of energy faster than the Z-Fighters thought possible! But, Mewtwo didn't scream for ten minutes or go on and on about their plans, so maybe that was on them/Frieza. Mewtwo shouted something and then fired the blast, causing a sizeable explosion and sending Jigglypuff to the shadow realm, only to come crashing back down, crying out in pain.

"I CAN'T FEEL MY F**KIN' LEGS!" Jigglypuff screamed. Those watching winced slightly, feeling like this wasn't what Jigglypuff was supposed to go through…

"C-can they always talk?" Krillin winced.

"No, they usually don't." Piccolo commented.

"I… guess that's good?" Goku muttered.

"Why didn't he dodge that?" Vegeta asked, and Piccolo felt like that was something he should be saying, but he kept such thoughts to himself.

"Well, pain is the best teacher." Roshi hissed, taking a sip from his hard lemonade. "Still, that seems like an advanced lesson, maybe they should try something simpler."

"PLEASE. PLEASE SHOW MERCY!" The Jigglypuff kept begging while Kermit seemed apathetic, and Cell seemed uncharacteristically disturbed by these actions.

"All righty~! Now that we broke its legs, it's time to capture it and take it away from its family!" Kermit remarked, seeming more depraved than Cell was!

"Uhhh…" As if to prove their point, Cell was clearly not cool with this.

"Remember Cell, this is the most important part. Make sure you look into his eyes before you assert your dominance."

That… got a laugh out of everyone. Mostly because it was so unexpected, and they weren't sure what else to say. It was clear this was a parody of sorts, so maybe they should stop taking it so seriously.

"Yes, like any good warrior!" Vegeta said, jokingly, while everyone else seemed to recoil in horror. "…what?"

"You- you made a joke." Krillin finally managed to get out.

"Yes, I had to work for it, unlike some who make one simply by living." He commented, and Piccolo couldn't help but laugh. It wasn't even that funny, it was just unexpected.

"Please! I got a family man, let me go! You'll never see me again! I promise!" The Jigglypuff kept begging while Cell slowly looked up and at the viewers/readers. It wasn't clear if he was asserting his perfect dominance, or was asking what was happening.

The scene then cut to what looked like some sort of laboratory or maybe a hospital? Upbeat music played as Kermit and Cell were standing in the centre of the centre.

"All right, we're finally here! The Pokémon Center!" Kermit declared, triumphantly.

"Aw, great… what's this place for?" Cell sighed, clearly knowing Kermit was up to shenanigans again.

"Well, I taught you how to catch a pokémon, and how to battle pokémon, but it's very important that you HEAL your pokémon after every battle, Cell." Kermit remarked.

"That seems too nice of him. He's up to something." Piccolo said immediately.

"Wonder how much they charge for that… no way a health system can be totally free and not cave in on itself, especially one catering to animals instead of people…" Roshi mused, while 'O, Canada' began to quietly play elsewhere.

"So you brought me here to heal pokémon? Kermit, we haven't even battled today. Jigglypuff's fine!" Cell commented.

"Yeah bro, I'm chillin'." Jigglypuff commented calmly.

Without warning, Kermit smashed the small pokémon with a baseball bat, this sudden action made a number of the fighters jump in shock.

"What the hell is wrong with this guy?!" Goku shouted.

"He's making CELL look like the good guy!" Krillin exclaimed, unable to comprehend that those words had just left his mouth.

"KERMIT WHAT THE HELL!?" Cell demanded, angry… but not doing anything about it.

"Relax Cell, he'll be fine. It builds character." Kermit remarked dismissively, wheeling back while Jigglypuff kept crying.

"Please, man! Why you always gotta do this man?!"

Kermit struck the pokémon again. In a twisted way, it was kinda funny, but also horrific.

"I CAN'T FEEL MY F**KIN' LEGS!"

Kermit looked right at the viewer, clearly challenging them to do something while Cell seemed… disturbed, but still did nothing.

"A few moments later…"

"See, Cell? He's good as new!" Kermit remarked as Jigglypuff glared at him with a black eye. "It's important you heal your pokémon Cell, it helps you bond with them."

"I hope you burn in hell!" Jigglypuff snapped.

"I gotta give him that one." Piccolo coughed.

"Yeah, because that Jigglypuff just loves you." Cell said, dead-panned.

"Yup." Kermit said, then pulled out a gun. "Now let me show you how to get one to evolve."

"Aw, shit! He's packin' heat!"

"Is- is that-" Krillin laughed, feeling bad for doing so.

"No, usually they evolve through training or items." Piccolo explained.

"I hope so!"

The scene cut to the two outside, Cell wearing a hat for some reason.

"Kermit, I think I've learned all I need to know about pokémon. I'm ready to take on the gym leader." Cell remarked.

"What are gym leaders? Can we fight them!?" Goku exclaimed, excitedly.

"Eh, kinda?" Piccolo shrugged. "Different cities have a gym where a Gym Leader challenges those who are going through their journey. Each one specializes in a specific type of pokémon. Fire, Water, Grass, Bug, Dark and so on."

"Oh, so you don't fight the Gym Leader?"

"No, not in the way you're thinking."

"Aww…" Goku deflated somewhat.

"Whoa now, Cell. We've only just begun! Your Jigglypuff hasn't even evolved yet!" Kermit said, slowing Cell's roll down.

"Yeah, because you keep torturing it instead of training it!" Vegeta scoffed, dismissively in annoyance. How this… frog could think he was anything other than an absolute joke was beyond him!

"Well maybe I have FAITH that my Jigglypuff can handle the Gym Leader!" Cell retorted, sounding WAAAAY off from the one they dreaded and didn't tolerate.

"Man, where's THIS Cell?!" Krillin grumbled. "This would've been SO much better to deal with than the one we had!"

"He's letting Kermit break the pokémon's legs over and over."

"Never said he was perfect."

"But he did. All the time."

"Damn. You hear that?! That's called TRUST motherf**ka!" Jigglypuff snapped, standing up for himself, only for Kermit to grab a bat and bash him with it. "MY F**KIN' LEGS! Not again! AW, S**T!"

"And that is called character development." Kermit mused.

"Kermit!" Cell groaned.

"Look Cell, if your Jigglypuff can't handle my bat breaking his legs for three episodes, I don't think he's- One sec." Kermit grabbed a nail-filled bat and bashed Jigglypuff with it. Jigglypuff kept screaming.

"Is this actually helping? Or is this just for some other reason?" Vegeta asked.

"I have no idea." Piccolo admitted.

"This ain't like no training I've ever heard of!" Roshi added. His training could be odd, but this wasn't it.

"I don't think he's ready to face the gym leader." Kermit concluded.

Cell seemed to consider something, then seemed to have had enough. "Kermit, don't you think you're going a little bit… I dunno…"

"What, is this too gentle?" Kermit asked, and those watching just laughed. This should've been expected… Honestly, after the initial shock, this was pretty amusing! To further compound the weirdness of this, Kermit pulled out a gun, cocked it, and then shot Jigglypuff twice.

There was a long silence as even the music stopped, no one saying a word. Cell seemed horrified, and Kermit eventually looked up.

"Well, that was productive." He commented. "Welp, see you tomorrow, Cell!"

"Why are these two friends!?" Krillin finally asked. Sure, he had seen some odd friend pairs, just look at him and Goku!

"Most likely they're the only friends they have." Piccolo reasoned. Then shot a look to Goku and Vegeta.

The scene cut again to Kermit and Cell in a field, seemingly ready to finally have a pokémon battle.

"All right! It's time to see how far your training has come, Cell!" Kermit declared as battle music began, getting those watching invested.

"Jigglypuff! You ready?!"

"Jigglypuff!" Jigglypuff declared.

"I'm surprised that thing stuck with Cell after all that's happened." Goku commented, thinking it over. "Like, Cell never really stuck up for him, are they really bound to those pokéball things?!" He said, a bit concerned with those implications.

"Goku, y'might be overthinking this." Roshi said.

"I mean, he's not wrong." Piccolo added.

"Glockachu! Are you ready?!" Kermit asked, a Pikachu looked over, then picked up a glock.

"…that is so dumb. I hate admitting I found that amusing." Vegeta muttered.

"Oh, c'mon!" Cell shouted.

"Is that- no, that can't be real." Krillin began but shook his head, remembering Pikachu from Death Battle.

"Glockachu! Pop a cap in his ass!" Kermit ordered. Glockachu fired, and was sent flying. Again, it was stupid, but it got a laugh from those watching.

"Jigglypuff, dodge!" Cell ordered, and Jigglypuff seemed to use instant transmission.

"Okay, so it can do that now."

"I mean, why not?"

"…I'm not answering that."

"Shit! He's too fast!" Kermit shouted, over-dramatically.

"That's right! My Jigglypuff is fast enough to dodge bullets! That's right, your guns won't do any good!" Cell gloated.

"Eh, they don't really do anything against us." Goku shrugged. "I've seen Master Roshi grab bullets mid-air… They're painful, but they're more annoying than anything to me."

Krillin chose to remain silent, being probably the most easily affected by them…

"Oh yeah?! Glockachu! Use Intimidation!" Kermit ordered.

Glockachu turned his gun sideways.

"OH, SHIT! HE TURNED HIS GUN SIDEWAYS!" Cell screamed in his mind.

"Why is that an issue?"

"Some people think it's cool." Krillin shrugged.

"Does it make the gun fire better?"

"No, actually. It doesn't." Krillin sighed, having seen too many wanna-be gangsters try this. "If anything, it's more likely to make you miss your shot, or have the gun jam, or a whole bunch of other issues. The only real benefit is in some cases it can make it easier to aim, but even then, that's negligible."

"Huh, so why would someone do that?"

"Again, they think it looks cool, and some people don't know better." Krillin shrugged.

"Ey, yo man. This shit just got real! Pass the piece!" Jigglypuff called, and the music suddenly stopped. Cell just looked at him awkwardly. "Please tell me you have a piece."

"Uhhh…" Cell flashed Jigglypuff the 'peace' sign, then teleported out of there.

"Ha! Fleeing like the coward he is!" Vegeta laughed.

"You fought well, Jigglypuff. But unfortunately, now you must face my two legendaries." Kermit said somberly.

"They're gonna be guns, calling it now." Piccolo said.

"My AK-47 with extendo mags." Kermit said, proving Piccolo's point.

"Called it."

"Aw, man! Not the fuckin' extendo mags!"

"You have any last words before I end this pokémon battle?" Kermit asked.

"Man, the poor dude got the raw end through and through." Roshi blew out his breath. "Hopefully he can settle the score at some point."

"Huh, I didn't think you were someone who would preach the values of revnge." Vegeta commented, looking to the old Hermit.

"I ain't. But in a case like this? Why not." Roshi shrugged.

"Uhh, Star Platinum?" Jigglypuff said, seemingly throwing everything on one last hail mary, or hail Mightyena.

"What? Not gonna lie, those are some pretty stupid last-" Kermit began, but everyone was left in genuine shocked silence as a purple human figure appeared and began attacking with more fists than anyone thought possible! Some sort of energy radiated off of him and it seemed like nothing could stop him! Kermit was unable to do anything as he was wailed on by the attack.

"ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA-" The screen suddenly cut to 'Please Stand By'. Here was silence, then there was laughter at Kermit's comeuppance, then there was confusion and shock about what they had seen.

"What was that?!"

"That's… unlike anything I've ever seen!"

"What kind of power could that possibly be?!" Vegeta asked aloud, caught off-guard by what he saw. It looked… he didn't know how to explain it. But, he wanted to learn it.

Piccolo thought it over, then said the most sensible thing. "I don't know what that is." He paused, then added: "But I have a real good feeling we're going to see it on Death Battle at some point." The others wanted to know what it was, but had to admit, the Namekian made a good point.

"Well, that was one hell of a plot twist." Cell remarked, seemingly dismissing what just happened. "But, at least we won."

"You right, man! We wasted that muthafukka!" Jigglypuff nodded.

"Yeah, not gonna lie though, wasn't expecting you to have a Stand." Cell muttered, naming what the fighters were questioning.

"So, it's called a 'Stand'… interesting."

"We've gotta ask Skorch about this after!" Goku nodded. "Er, where is he?"

"I think Gohan asked him to watch Pan." Piccolo remarked.

"You seriously trust that guy with a baby?" Vegeta asked, raising a brow.

"Honestly? Yes." Piccolo nodded. "And more importantly, Gohan and Videl do as well. There's no chance he'd be near her if Videl wasn't sure it was safe."

"I don't wanna stop here man, I wanna keep training! I wanna become stronger!" Jigglypuff declared, sounding like some of those watching this video. Master Roshi smirked, remembering both Goku and Krillin saying something similar to him at one point… "And I promise you… I'm gonna evolve, motherfucka!"

"Then let's do it together, Puff Daddy!" Cell nodded, seeming oddly friendly to the Pokémon.

"Again, where was THIS Cell!?"

"You damn right…" Jigglypuff sniffed, fighting back tears. Then, he held up a baseball bat to Cell. "Would you do the honors?"

"Wait, so they're sticking to that training plan!? Goku exclaimed.

"Guess if it works…" Roshi scratched his beard.

"It'd be my fuckin' privilege!" Cell managed to get out through tears.

"Why do I like this? I genuinely feel for these two…" Krillin asked aloud, and no one had an answer. It was weird.

"With new goals set in their hearts, our heroes continue onward to the path of evolution. Where will their crazy adventures take them next? Stay tuned! Join us next time for another exciting episode of the Perfect Pokémon Trainer!" Kermit declared as the camera panned across the sunset, his voice closing out the short. It was honestly a nice ending…

WHAM

"AAAH MY FUCKIN' LEGS!"

"And they ruined it." Piccolo grinned.

The scene cut to them in a pokémon stadium, Cell with Jigglypuff and Kermit with a Pikachu wearing a luchador outfit.

"Uh…"

"Don't ask." Roshi said dismissively, no longer questioning things.

"All right, Cell! It's time to test everything you've learned!" Kermit called.

"All right, let's do this! Jigglypuff! You ready?!"

"Jigglypuff!"

"I feel like he's gonna die in one hit." Goku commented.

"What do you mean feel? Of course, he is." Vegeta smirked.

"Juan, are you ready?"

"Si!" The Luchador-Pikachu exclaimed. No one questioned it, there was no point. Just accept it.

"All right, Jigglypuff! Use MEGA KICK!" Cell ordered, Jigglypuff disappeared, then came rocketing down from the sky.

"YEEEEEAH!" He shouted in the thrill of the fight.

"Juan! Dodge and use Latino Thunder!"

Sike, Pendejo! PikaCHUU!" Juan laughed, jumping back and discharging his attack. Jigglypuff yelled and then fell to the ground, still.

"Wow. That was just sad." Goku said.

"That- that was embarrassing to watch." Piccolo winced.

"Did their training do ANYTHING?!" Vegeta demanded.

"Okay, seriously? That was pathetic." Kermit said. Those watching had to agree. "Have you learned nothing?"

The music grew sad as the camera turned to the defeated Jigglypuff, despite all he had done, it wasn't enough… the fighters could relate to that soul-crushing feeling.

"Why can't I evolve man?! I've done all the fuckin' training! It's been like… two months!" He bemoaned.

"I mean, you can't expect perfection in two months, but maybe it's different for pokémon." Roshi conceded.

"I respect the drive to improve, but there's clearly a better way." Vegeta said, then looked to Piccolo. "Didn't you say that these creatures can evolve through items as well?"

"Yeah, but I don't know about this one." The Namekian answered.

"Maybe we're not hitting hard enough?" Cell asked.

"THAT sounds like Cell." Goku nodded.

"Get the bat, Cell."

"Got it!" Cell nodded before he began beating up Jigglypuff.

Juan watched the macabre scene before finally breaking his silence.

"I'm sorry, amigo. But I must ask… why the bat?"

"How is a Spanish Pikachu the sanest one in this series!?"

"He just is, I guess."

"That's not a satisfying answer.

"Your face isn't a satisfying answer!"

"What?!"

"Here's the thing, Juan. Kermit found the secret to cheating the system!" Cell explained. "It's all about how pokémon work, baby! Think about it. Really think about it! You either kick someone's ass, or you get your ass kicked! And after all that damaged, where do you go? That's right, you go to the pokémon centre and repeat until you evolve!" He declared. "But this new process is a whole lot faster thanks to the brilliant mind of Kermit the Frog!"

"Wait a second…" Piccolo blinked, something dawning on him.

"What?"

"N-nothing…"

"That, and I hit WAY harder." Cell concluded.

"Ah, yes, this is true! But… he is a Jigglypuff, yes? And Jigglypuffs use Moon Stones to Evolve, no?"

The silence that fell through the room was deafening as Piccolo's thoughts were confirmed, and everyone else stared in shock, before they burst out laughing. It was horrible, yes, but at the same time, it was so dumb! They couldn't help but laugh.

"ALL THIS TIME! AND IT WAS FOR NOTHING!"

"HOW DID THEY NOT KNOW!?" Vegeta howled.

"I shouldn't be laughin', but dang it, I'm laughin'!" Roshi cackled.

Cell froze mid-swing. Then, Jigglypuff looked up.

"I'm sorry. WHAT." He demanded.

"…Well, see you tomorrow Cell!" Kermit declared as he left.

"And he just gets away?!" Krillin laughed. "That's horrible! But I kinda dig it…"

Suddenly, the credits rolled as a calming hip hop beat played. 'Cross Your Mind – Produced By Melv' appeared in the corner.

"Huh, I like this." Roshi mused, nodding along to the song.

"Well, that was something." Piccolo commented, still laughing slightly. "I don't know why I enjoyed that as much as I did…"

"It was dumb, I won't lie, but it did have its charm." Vegeta nodded, he didn't like saying anything Cell was a part of was good, but this might be an acceptation… maybe.

Krillin looked over, seeing another tape appear from it. "Oh, neat! You guys wanna watch some more?"

"…sure." Was the general consensus.

(Yes, I know there's one more segment in this Saga, but dang it, I have to update this story.)

So… I need to apologize. I was supposed to have this story updated over a year ago. It was supposed to be a chapter focusing on Jackass, but every time I sat down to write it, I wasn't happy, I didn't like it. It just didn't work. Today, I sat down, scrapped Jackass, and wrote this entire chapter in a DAY. I promise there won't be another year-long wait for an update. I'm sorry this happened.

If you want to stay updated or talk with me or other cool folks, come join my Discord server! Look for it in the profile page of my account, or add me SkorchNTorch number 5152 and I'll add you. There's chat, updates, previews of upcoming chapters, weekly updates on the status of stories, and even some contests!

Also, I changed one line, because someone told me how to spell the JoJo line. It's "Oraoraoraora" not "Odododododo" my bad.