"Hey, honey, what ya cookin'?" I ask, walking into the kitchen to say my goodbyes to my family before work.
"Huevos rancheros, you want some?" Jacqueline asks from the stove where she's preparing the food.
"Afraid not, I gotta get to work," I murmur apologetically, giving her a kiss on the cheek. She frowns in response.
"Come on, you never sit down and eat breakfast with us," Georgia pleads. "I don't get enough time with my biological mother. No offense, Mam, you're great, but I did not come out of you."
Jacqueline smiles and rolls her eyes.
I pause for a moment. The kid has a point. I'm always too busy in the mornings to sit down and eat breakfast with my family. I'm always either on the way to work or on the way to fix a problem that Sheldon's having, which is work. Maybe I should take a moment to just be with my family.
"I guess you're right," I concede.
"I doubt Liam will care if you're a little late. Sit down, love," Jacqueline insists, gesturing to one of our dining chairs.
"Why can't we have eggs benny?" Georgia whines.
"You'll have eggs benny when you deserve eggs benny," Jacqueline responds patiently.
"What did Georgia do to not deserve eggs benny?" I ask curiously, my eyes flickering between the two.
"She's had an attitude all morning, so she gets huevos like the rest of us commoners," Jacqueline informs me half-teasingly.
"It's 'we commoners' " Georgia corrects.
"See?" Jacqueline scoffs to me, gesturing to our daughter.
"You be nice to your Mam," I scold gently, "and it's 'us commoners'."
"I'll ask uncle Sheldon," Georgia responds smugly.
"And he'll tell you the same," I respond, scoffing a little at our daughter's audacity.
"Why don't I ever see him, anyway?" Georgia asks, happy to direct the conversation away from her own behaviour.
"He associates with unsavory people," I respond as Jacqueline begins to serve the food.
"Like, thugs?" Georgia asks with a raised brow.
Jacqueline laughs. I stifle laughter, myself.
"Like nerdy manchildren," I clarify, beginning to eat my breakfast.
"I feel you may need to adjust your standards," Georgia says, "I mean, are they the kind of nerdy manchildren who stay in their mother's basement all day and don't wear deodorant?"
"No," I shake my head. "Sheldon wouldn't be around them if they were. He thinks he's better than that."
"Then what kind are they?" Georgia asks.
"They all have doctorates and jobs and socialise," Jacqueline says.
"Which doesn't make them good people. And one of them doesn't have a doctorate," I correct, Jacqueline rolls her eyes good-naturedly.
"Fine, then why doesn't he come here?" Georgia suggests.
"Well, your uncle doesn't do things he has no desire to and one of those things he has no desire to do is come to Encino," I grouse, continuing to eat my food.
"We're not that far from Pasadena," Georgia says with a furrowed brow. "Only like, 22 miles."
"No, but it's 40+ minutes with traffic." Jacqueline says.
"And that's a problem for him?" Georgia asks, confused. "We're all from Texas. We drove farther than that for nothing when we were there."
"Many things are a problem for your uncle that shouldn't be, believe me," Jacqueline snorts, familiar with my brother's eccentricities. Jacqueline and I have been around each other since 1980, which is when Sheldon was born, so she's known him his whole life just as I have. Georgia's still kind of new to this whole thing.
"Sounds like a real brat to me," Georgia comments snarkily. "Also, if I don't get eggs benny tomorrow, I'm going to throw a fit."
Jacqueline and I give each other a knowing grin, and the three of us continue our breakfast chatter.
…
I'm at work when Marc appears in my doorway.
"Miss Cooper, you have a visitor," he informs me.
"A visitor? Do they bring coffee?" I ask, holding my head.
"Yes, your favourite," Penny appears in the doorway, coffee in hand.
"Oh, hey Penny, how'd your date with Leonard go?" I wave her over to my desk to give me the coffee.
"Oh…" she pauses for a bit, seeming unsure about how to continue. She brings the coffee to my desk and sets it down gingerly in front of me.
"What is it?" I ask.
"Well, you know how Leonard is like…super smart?" she starts, hesitant.
"I do know that people say he is, yes." I say, taking a sip of the coffee.
"Well, come on, he's smart, he has a PhD," Penny reasons, but I'm dissatisfied.
"Leonard is very booksmart, but when it comes to anything that truly matters, he's in pre-K," I scoff, knowing I'm right.
"Maybe he deserves more credit?" she offers. I shake my head.
"I'll decide that. Why are you here?" I question, enjoying more of my coffee.
"So, I felt so intimidated by him and all his intelligence that I lied to him about finishing community college," Penny confesses.
"You did what? Why would you do such a thing…start a relationship on a lie?"
"Didn't you and Jacqueline start out thinking the other was straight?" Penny points out.
"How many hoops did you jump through just to fall out that window?" I raise an eyebrow. "Jacqueline and I started our relationship knowing we were gay. Leonard doesn't know you're a dropout."
"So, I asked Sheldon to keep it a secret."
"You…you asked Sheldon to keep a secret?" I sigh, knowing what that means.
"Yeah, was that a bad idea?" Penny asks, confused.
"God, yes."
"Oh, god, do you think he's going to tell Leonard?"
"Do you one better, I know he's going to tell Leonard," I say, "you made a mistake."
"Oh, my god," she says, putting her face in her hands.
"I would advise you to tell him first," I continue.
"I can't do that, then he'll know I lied," she whines, but I shrug in response.
"You told Sheldon. He's gonna know anyway."
"Okay, but what if I don't tell Leonard first and then when Sheldon tells him, I tell him he's lying?"
"Sheldon can't lie. He gets tics," I explain.
"Can you get Sheldon to not tell him?" Penny requests.
"I can get Sheldon to do or not do most things," I confirm with a hint of teasing in my tone. "The question is if I want to."
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Yes?"
"What is wrong with your family?"
"I don't think you're at liberty to ask that question since you've come to my work to ask me to help keep my brother quiet about you lying to a person you're seeing about your academic achievements," I point out, looking over my paperwork.
"So, you're not gonna do it?" Penny asks.
"No."
"But aren't we gal pals?"
I blink at her. "You realise that term means something completely different to me than it does to you, Miss Heterosexual?"
Liam walks in as I say that. "Callie, there's a - oh, hi," he says, noticing Penny. "I don't believe we've met, but I'm to assume you're straight?" he asks, amused, and holds his hand out for her to shake. She meets it, giving him a polite handshake.
"Liam, this is my friend, Penny. She's Sheldon's neighbour. Penny, this is Liam, the bringer of my demon child," I say dramatically, to which Liam scoffs.
"Ain't she a trip?" Liam chuckles. "Nice to meet you, Penny."
"Nice to meet you," she responds.
"Anyway, Callie, there's a few of us going to lunch together here in a little while if you would like to join," Liam informs me with a smile.
"I would," I say, "be right out."
Liam exits the office. Penny looks after him and back at me. "You know he's definitely still into you, right?"
I raise an eyebrow. "Excuse me? You're talking about Liam?"
"Yeah, you can just tell by the way he looks at you," Penny giggles. Right. This is why I usually don't befriend 20 year olds.
"Not only are you lying to Leonard, you're lying to me too?" I ask in disbelief. "It's been 14 years since he and I broke up. There's no way he carries any feelings."
"Whatever you say," she says with a smirk.
I glare at her. "Let me work."
She chuckles, leaving my office. I roll my eyes. Sometimes young adults can be so annoying.
…
After work, I'm at Sheldon and Leonard's apartment. Sheldon opens the door. "Oh, it's you again."
"That does tend to be the case, doesn't it?"
He steps aside to let me in. "To what do I owe this visit?"
"Is Leonard here?" I ask, looking around the apartment to make sure I don't see Leonard. He doesn't need to hear our conversation.
"No, why?" He eyes me suspiciously, clearly mildly frustrated at not getting a straight answer to his question.
"Well, Penny came to visit me at work today, and she asked me to speak with you about keeping her secret," I explain.
"Ah, yes, her not graduating from community college. I'm not sure what's more embarrassing, the fact that she went to community college or the fact that she didn't graduate," Sheldon says with a smug expression.
"I'd say both," I say, if only to stir the pot a little.
"You have no room to speak. You did not attend college," Sheldon points out, causing me to roll my eyes at him.
"And yet I still make more money than you," I retort. "I wouldn't need a roommate if I chose to live in one of these apartments."
"Touche. Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I can keep this secret. It's eating me alive," Sheldon complains dramatically.
"Stop the theatrics, it's not eating you alive," I roll my eyes again.
"Tell that to my stomach, it feels like there's a parasite in there," Sheldon says, putting a hand on his belly to serve his point.
"Probably is," I say, grinning. I love messing with him.
"You're a terrible person," he says in an attempt to shame me.
"I already know that," I say unapologetically, " and you have to keep this secret."
"Why? Shouldn't Leonard know his potential mate is lying to him?" Sheldon asks, looking more confused than ever.
"It's not up to you to tell him."
"Maybe it's not up to me, but that can't stop me from doing it."
"Sheldon, don't make me use my old ways," I threaten him, giving him a withering glare.
"Your old way- oh," Sheldon's face sours in recognition, remembering how I used to sit on his back when we were kids if he didn't do what I wanted. "Fine, I won't tell him."
"There's a good Shelly," I say, ignoring the glare he gives me at the nickname.
"But if this blows up in our faces - and it will - you're dealing with it too," Sheldon says, pointing a finger at me.
"Guaranteed, I wouldn't expect anything else."
"Now, is there anything else you must bother me with?" Sheldon asks, a hint of annoyance in his tone.
"Well, Georgia would like you to come visit us in Encino sometime," I say.
Sheldon scoffs. "I've told you, it's a long drive and I would have to find someone to drive me."
"I'm right here," I say, gesturing to myself. Sheldon might not be able to drive, but I can.
"Oh, please. Like I have any desire to sit with you in your Escalade through Los Angeles traffic for 22 miles. No thanks," Sheldon says in disgust.
"Love you too, Shelly," I say, scoffing. "But seriously, your niece wants to know you. Besides, she wants to be an engineer."
"And why would that make me want to spend time with her, may I ask? I dislike engineers."
I think for a moment, trying to think of something that will convince him. "That's the thing. She's still young. Maybe you can steer her in the right direction? Towards physics, maybe?"
Sheldon perks up at the idea, clearly considering my words. "Steer her towards physics, you say?"
I nod.
"Well," he continues contemplatively, "physics is far more superior to engineering."
"Isn't it?" I agree, though I don't. "And I only want my daughter pursuing things that are worthwhile. Don't think of it as just 'visiting your niece'. Think of it as taking the weight off of a young, burdened mother's shoulders."
"Weight off your shoulders, you say?" he asks, clearly intrigued. It's clear that I've got him where I want him now.
"Absolutely," I smile. "So will you help me?"
"I guess I can endure a trip to Encino to help out a young scientist," Sheldon concedes grudgingly.
"You absolutely can," I say, preparing to leave. "It's a noble gesture. Next time I come over, I'll bring my planner and we can work out the details of the visit."
"I look forward to it," he says, though he's mostly just being polite.
"Me too. Bye, Shelly," I say.
I can't help but smile mischievously as I exit the apartment, satisfied with my ability to manipulate my brother once again, as I have so many times over the past 27 years. But this time, it's for my daughter, so it's okay. Mom can't scold me for this one.