Author's Note: Here we go!
Jake doesn't know what to do with himself. He was brought out to a bathing pool that the Omatikaya use. Jake didn't so much mind it, he felt disgusting. Even though he wasn't sure how long he was going to remain in the avatar but if he was going to spend any more time in it, he needed it to at least be clean. Or, cleaner than it feels, at least.
Mo'at seemed to realize that Jake's brain was starting to shut down. He couldn't handle having everyone stare at him anymore. Have them all hanging off of his word - "mighty" - to describe the heartbeat of their goddess. They draw closer, whispering words he doesn't understand. They look at him as if they see him as more than what he is. Some even held their hand out toward him, and that's when he started to panic, more atokirina fluttering around him. Mo'at just pulled him close, though, her grip tight on his hands.
"Let's get you cleaned up," she says, glancing over at Tsu'tey. He nods, also looking over at Tsyeyk and waving for him to follow, gently. "Will speak more when you get back."
Jake didn't argue. He didn't think he had it in himself to even speak, his entire body seeming to shut down. He just nodded mutely as the atokirina that was in his hand flutters up into the air. It's in that moment that a zipping pain shoots down his arms and up to his shoulders from where Mo'at was holding his hands. He yanks them back, flinching and then shaking to try and dislodge the feeling.
Mo'at's eyes follow the movement, before she folds her hands neatly to her stomach, looking past Jake to the man in red for a long moment, communicating with her eyes before addressing Jake and Tsu'tey again. "Go, JakeSuli. Will speak more in a bit."
Mutely, Jake nods, lowering his eyes to the dirt at their feet and following after Tsu'tey, avoiding the gazes of all of the Omatikaya as the slips past.
Tsu'tey led him to the pool and offered him supplies to clean himself with. Then he was kind enough to sit with his back to Jake about a foot from the pool to keep him company, which Jake was thankful for, as he wasn't so sure he would be able to find his way back on his own. He uses the oils to wash his hair, being careful not to mess up the braid for his queue more than it already is. He then uses the sweet-smelling berries against his skin, after some prompting from Tsu'tey, rubbing them carefully until suds spread out over his skin from them.
He thought it would leave a waxy feeling after he washed it off, but his skin ended up smooth and refreshing feeling. It was nice, and did serve to make him feel better, even if only a little bit. He had been so wound up in Hometree and the walk here that he hadn't been able to utter a word, but now that he's here, he's able to decompress. He feels better now that he was able to get away and tend to himself for a bit.
Something he's not likely to do on his own. He has to be basically stiff-armed in terror for it, but it does have good results. He's feeling somewhat better.
His skin was still too sensitive, but the water and the clean feeling was nice. Other than instructions with the oils and a little bit of idle chat, he just sits quietly with his back to Jake. His tail taps against the ground softly as he stares out at the forest around them, still respectfully not looking at Jake. The older Sully twin is not exactly self-conscious of his body, especially not his Na'vi body, but he appreciates the respect. Even though, honestly, what did he care what it looked like? It wasn't his real body, and it was just going to die out here unless Mo'at changes her mind and lets Jake bring it back to Hell's Gate.
But it was still nice. It was so par for Tsu'tey and somehow made it all that much harder. He could tell him now, try to explain why it was that they wouldn't ever see each other again, but it felt too cowardly. Less than Tsu'tey deserved. He was being respectful in not looking at Jake, and while that makes it easier for him to say what he has to because he won't have to look into the other teen's eyes, it wasn't right. He couldn't do that. Not to Tsu'tey, even if he wanted to.
"Need to wash more?"
Jake perks up at Tsu'tey's voice. He looks over at the older teen, seeing his head tilted to the side so that his ear is pointed towards Jake without actually looking at him. Still being respectful.
"What?" Jake asks, realizing that Tsu'tey was waiting for him to acknowledge his words. "You need to wash too?"
Tsu'tey's tail flicks, his shoulders pulling together tightly. He turns more, almost to look at him, but stops himself, turning away again. His tail flicks again but he says, slowly, "Kuru, Jake. Need to clean and... and..." he makes a motion with his hands, not sure of the word.
"Ku...ru?" Jake echoes, frowning.
Tsu'tey reaches over his shoulder and grabs onto his queue resting down the length of his spine, holding it up a bit. "Kuru," he says. "Clean and make again." For not looking at him he sure does have a keen sense of Jake's ability to neglect what is no doubt a very important washing step. He did everything else; he thinks. His hair, his body. Even went through the somewhat embarrassing act of cleaning the outside of the sheath between his legs, yet he didn't even consider the neuro connecter. The queue, or kuru, he supposed. He just figured it was important that he leave it alone as it was supposedly something sacred or whatever.
Jake reaches over his shoulder to grab at his own, going through the long, arduous process of undoing his braid all the way up to the base of his skull. He washes the hair and then runs the berries over the queue until it is all sudsy. Washing it off he decides it's time to get out, lest he take more time to take the coward's way out and keep avoiding talking to Tsu'tey.
Once it's all clean, Jake finally pulls himself out of the water, realizing too late that there wasn't anything else for him to change into aside from his old pants, so he does, using the hole for his tail and a grip around the loose fabric at his hips is the only thing keeping the pants up. He's going to have to find out where they put his belt if he's going to spend any more time in this body. He's... not sure how long he's going to be in it today, but he should at least try to be a little comfortable. Well, as comfortable as he can be.
Not that he should be comfortable with what he's going to have to do.
"Tsu'tey..." Jake says slowly, walking over to the older teen, his pants already getting soaked from his wet hair and skin, seeing as towels weren't a thing either it seems. "I don't know how to braid."
Tsu'tey casts a careful look, as if worried that he would still be naked, but frowns at the sight of his pants, glancing around as if also realizing that he didn't have anything else to wear. He blinks, though, and looks at Jake's long, wet hair, making note of his unprotected queue. He has never used it for its intended purpose, but he does know that it is incredibly important to the Na'vi. It's like... how they connect to stuff. And... stuff.
Okay, he doesn't really know it's intended purpose beyond that. If there is any.
But he does know enough to know that he can't be walking around with it undone lest he like... insult them or something. Aside from it just looking wrong.
Tsu'tey gives him a look that he doesn't know how to interpret. Then he motions for Jake to sit on the rock in front of him, reaching into the bag that he had gathered before they left with almost everything that he would need for this bath and pulling out a comb. Jake gives it a long look before obeying. Jake sits down with his back to Tsu'tey, his shoulders pulling together tightly, feeling exposed. Tsu'tey carefully pulls his hair over his shoulders, running the comb through it softly, working out any knots that he comes across.
"I'm sorry..." Jake murmurs after a few minutes of silence as Tsu'tey gently combs through his hair. His skull, neck and shoulders tingle. "I don't... usually take care of the avatar's appearance."
Tsu'tey's hands gently run over his shoulder, making his skin tingle more but... somehow it's not as bad. It still hurts, enough for him to tense up, but it's not as physically unbearable as he remembers. But then again, he was able to get used to it again, but it's probably that. He watches as a few atokirina float around him, bobbing and dancing in the air.
Tsu'tey lightly pushes more hair over Jake's shoulder, considering something for a moment before softly saying, "I'll... take care of you."
Jake tenses up more, turning to glance over his shoulder at the other teen. Tsu'tey is staring at him with wide gold eyes, as if surprised that he had said it despite having carefully thought of the words. Tsu'tey's eyes track his profile, his forehead, his eye, his nose, his parted lips, his chin. Jake's ears twitch, which draws his eyes back up to them.
"You've been doing that this whole time," Jake says slowly, realizing that it was true. Tsu'tey has always been coming to see him without fail since the day they met, and it hadn't been for himself, had it? At least, not entirely.
Tsu'tey tilts his head slightly, pushing the last of Jake's hair over his shoulder as gently as possible, before carefully starting on the long hair that wraps around his queue, glancing between Jake and his own working hands. He hasn't told him about his skin, not really, but maybe he was noticing how tenderly he's been with touching things, especially himself. Or... maybe he's just that conscious of him. Enough to not be so touchy feely with him. Because Jake's seen the way the other Omatikaya hang off of each other and he's hoping that it really is just a close relationship between them and not because Na'vi are more touch oriented than humans are.
"I will," Tsu'tey finally says. "Always for you."
Jake stares at the older teen from over his shoulder. "Why?"
This look that Jake doesn't understand flickers across Tsu'tey's face. He feels Tsu'tey's gently fingers ghost over his shoulders, not really touching it, but his skin feels electrified by it. He shivers skin pimpling at the sensation, ears pressing back. Tsu'tey's eyes flicker to his shoulders, scanning his flesh, making note of the reaction before he very softly says, "Will be kind. With respect."
Jake's tail loops around his ankles as he pulls his knees to his chest. His toes curl a bit as he nods, not really sure why Tsu'tey would say that, but obviously it's important to him. Tsu'tey swallows, eyeing Jake's back as Jake turns away leaning forward to rest his cheek onto his knee and his arms around his legs. Jake's not sure why he's suddenly so nervous - maybe because Tsu'tey seems like he's nervous - but he also recognizes that this is very strange for him too. He's exposed, his back unprotected, yet he's not afraid.
Well, no, he is. He doesn't like this, but he knows that Tsu'tey is going to hurt him. His movements are slow, voice soft and raspy, and he's so... gentle. Like Jake is frail or breakable. No one has ever treated him this gently before. It makes him uncomfortable. But also warm.
And it makes this all the harder still. Is this what it's like to have a friend? Jake has no idea. He's only ever had Tommy.
Carefully, slowly, Tsu'tey gets to work on his queue. Jake sits there for a few minutes, his queue tingling sharply at every light touch by Tsu'tey. It zips down to the end of his queue warm and strange from an appendage that he's never used before and mostly forgot existed, but it also went up into his skull and then down his spine. The feeling is very unusual. But it's not the agony that the rest of his skin feels, thankfully. Although it is sharp, unfamiliar, uncomfortable. It's not bad, though. At least, he doesn't think that it is.
After a few minutes of silence, Tsu'tey sucks in a slow breath before saying, "Jake, hair. It is very beautiful."
Jake frowns at that. He's never been told that before. "Thanks..."
Once Tsu'tey is done with Jake's queue, he grabs out another oil from his bag and generously coats the braid, still as gentle as ever and Jake is thankful for it. How is he supposed to say goodbye to someone who is so... kind. So thoughtful. What is he going to do?
"We go, okay?" Tsu'tey says, putting everything into his back carefully. "To Hometree, Jake."
Jake nods, feeling better after washing, like he was finally able to decompress. At least he's back to being able to mimic being able to be a person for the time being. He follows Tsu'tey back to Hometree, listening to Tsu'tey trying to work through what he was trying to say in English. It took Jake a few minutes of quietly listening - seeing as Tsu'tey thankfully remembered that Jake wasn't much of a talker anyway, so he didn't mind holding up the conversation - to realize he was telling Jake about the day he got attacked.
Complete with hand movements and all.
He was out with a hunting party; they had stopped to rest. It had been an accident. One of the younger hunters spooked... something. Jake has no idea what Tsu'tey called it, and he was too busy trying to piece together Tsu'tey's broken English to really analyze the name of the animal. Whatever the hunter spooked went array in their hunting party, and in an attempt to get the young hunter to safety, Tsu'tey made a mistake and they both ended up getting trampled. He got a few bumps and scratches on the rest of him, but his chest got the brunt of scrambling claws.
"Okay," he says, pointing to himself as he catches Jake's nervous glance down at the leaves on his chest. "Me, okay."
Jake nods, following a few more steps in silence, before asking, quietly, "Does it still hurt? Your chest?" He gestures, not sure if Tsu'tey knew the word.
Tsu'tey pauses his step just enough for Jake to step beside him for the hundredth time, as Jake tends to lag behind the person that he's walking with. Tsu'tey has to keep slowing or stopping all together until he catches up. Tsu'tey doesn't say that he minds, but he keeps doing it despite Jake falling behind a few steps later. It's got to be getting annoying despite the native teen not making it seem so.
"No hurt," he says. He gestures to his chest a few times, struggling for the word. "Sore," he decides on. "Not hurt."
Jake nods, looking down at his feet. A minute more of silence before Jake whispers, "I'm sorry, Tsu'tey."
"Why this? Why this, Jake?" Tsu'tey asks, frowning. He says something in his song-tongue before carefully translating, "Not right, me. What I do. Make not right."
"It was an accident," Jake amends for him. "But you were tired because you had to keep coming out to Hell's Gate to see me. It's my fault for not making you go back without me. You were up so late..."
Tsu'tey, still frowning, stops and turns to him. He looks down at Jake's hands, as if to touch him, but thankfully he doesn't. He sees the way that Jake tenses, kneading his hands to his stomach. He looks down at his loose pants, uncomfortable, before using one of his tingling hands to hold his waist band closed.
"Me. I did," Tsu'tey says, placing a hand to his chest. "No Jake. Me. No sorry. No Jake." He leans down a bit to try and meet Jake's eyes.
Jake's lashes flutter a bit, shaking his head. "I'm..."
Tsu'tey leans in close, hands folded behind his back, which makes the corner of Jake's mouth quirk up a bit. Tsu'tey catches the tiny upturn and his tail twirls as he grins crookedly. "No sad, Jake. Okay. Me. I'm okay."
Jake lets out a little sigh, tilting his head a bit to look away. Tsu'tey steps about as close as he can get without touching him, grinning a touch wider. Jake meets his eyes for just a moment, long enough to see something warm and kind there, before looking away. He hesitates for a split second, before reaching out with one of his hands to lightly press against his face and push him away, not nearly hard enough to actually push him, but Tsu'tey allows it to move him, laughing deep in his throat.
Tsu'tey takes mercy on Jake and continues on, saying something about changing but Jake was too flushed to focus on it. Thankfully, the rest of the trek back is in blissful, albeit apprehensive silence.
Tsu'tey brought Jake back to the healer's hut and told him to stay before heading out. He reappeared a few minutes later with a... loincloth? Jake didn't understand for a moment.
"Wear," Tsu'tey says helpfully, then, "Food." He points out in the direction of the firepit where most of the clan as settled in to eat. While they were talking back in, Jake heard the male in red talking to the clan about something. Jake had no idea what it was, but it drew quite the murmurings of the Omatikaya, but that wasn't any of Jake's business, so he let it be.
And as helpful as that was, Jake was left alone with a piece of cloth and absolutely no idea how to maneuver it onto his body. But respectful as he is, Tsu'tey left before Jake could take his pants off, let alone even find a way to ask how the hell he was supposed to put this on. It took an embarrassing long amount of time for him to figure it out, but once he did, Jake felt like a fool.
God, his avatar was just... so hard to look at. Thankfully there is no mirrors here, so he doesn't have to look at it. So long as he doesn't look down, he won't have to notice anything beyond on his arms and maybe his legs.
After a few minutes of adjusting and readjusting the loincloth a few times, before he gives up. It doesn't really matter how he looks; he's never really cared before. He just has to get out there and talk to Tsu'tey and Mo'at. But as soon as he made it to the firepit, there was so many Omatikaya. They were all sitting around, chatting. The male in red is sitting off by Mo'at speaking to her while they eat. Her eyes are bright, and she keeps reaching out to touch his arm. Tsu'tey is a few feet away, talking to Sylwanin and her sister. His back is to Jake, so he can't see his expression, but his tail keeps twirling.
But he was on the other side of the crowd, and they were all packed in tight. No way was Jake going to walk through all of those people. He stood there for a few beats, wondering if Tsu'tey would turn to look at him, but he doesn't. Too engrossed in what he's talking to Sylwanin and her sister. Which, of course, is fair. Jake is an intruder in their home. He's not a priority and just because Tsu'tey is a little nice to him doesn't mean anything. Jake's just lucky that Tsu'tey is nice to him at all.
Too anxious, Jake's throat clamps shut and all he can do is lower down, folding as small as he can to wait. Once everyone is done eating and gone their separate ways, then Jake will go see Tsu'tey. He can wait. It's not like he's excited about saying goodbye. He can just sit here and... just be.
He has to adjust a bit, but he manages to sit at the edge of the crowd with eyes on Tsu'tey. He checks, Tsu'tey does. He looks around every ten seconds, back the way that Jake came from. Looking for him. But Jake is scared. He doesn't want them to look at them. He doesn't want them to see him. It's too scary. They are too intense for him. He's scared of what they will do when they look at him. Humans don't notice him because he's nothing, but the atokirina keep fluttering around him and even Jake is smart enough to know that that means something.
No idea what, though, outside of it being grossly unwelcome.
Jake's not sure how long he sat there, too scared to move, but content to just watch Tsu'tey, even as the other teen's face morphed more and more in concern as it took longer for Jake to come back. Jake wanted to call out to him, to just let him know that he was okay, that he was just there, waiting and would be okay when he was ready, but he was scared. He was scared to draw Tsu'tey's attention and risk everyone staring at him, staring through him. Asking him for things. Trying to pick apart his mind for what else he could be hearing from their goddess and he just... can't. He can't do that.
So, he sits, curled up as small as he can make himself.
It probably took two or three minutes before Tsu'tey's eyes land right on him and he blinks rapidly. He's up on his feet in a second, drifting through the crowd on deft feet, passing through them like a ghost, until he's knelt by Jake's side. He takes a moment to look at him, folded as small as he can make himself.
"Come," Tsu'tey says, waving for him to follow. "Food, okay?"
Jake opens his mouth to protest, but no words come out, just a little breathless squeak. Tsu'tey waves for him to come along before straightening up. All eyes are turned to him, and Jake immediately feels ill. He scrambles to his feet, reaching out to clutch at Tsu'tey's hand, not caring how the spike in intense sensation zips up his arms and down his sides as one hand wraps around Tsu'tey's and the other grips his inner elbow.
Tsu'tey appears surprised, looking down at his arm with a perk of his ears and a flick of his tail, then at Jake's own tail curling around him, his own ears pressed back, and his face twisted in fear. He's glancing around at all of the eyes of the Omatikaya staring back at him, and Tsu'tey thankfully seems to understand.
"I am sorry, Jake," Tsu'tey says softly, squeezing his hand a little bit before pulling Jake along. He steps on someone's tail almost immediately and when they hissed at him, Jake just about pissed himself, pressing into Tsu'tey's side, not caring how it hurts his skin. Tsu'tey twists to meet their hiss with his own while pulling Jake close to him, saying something in Na'vi that immediately makes them back down, casting wide eyes at Jake.
Jake follows so close, his forehead keeps bumping into Tsu'tey's shoulder, sending a shockwave through his face that makes his ears tingle. Tsu'tey doesn't complain about the death-grip that Jake has on his hand and arm. Once they make it back to Tsu'tey's spot with the sisters, Jake practically falls into his side, trembling with his tail digging into his hip bones.
"Food..?" Tsu'tey asks softly, pushing a leaf with something that Jake can barely see with how fast his eyes are darting around closer to him.
Jake doesn't respond. He just presses close to Tsu'tey and stares into the fire, willing the panic swelling in his chest to settle. He pulls his knees up, trapping Tsu'tey' arm, and unfurling his tail from around his waist enough to encircle it around his ankles, folding as small as he can. The aching, tingling sensation of his body melts away, slowly but surely. Just enough to be bearable.
Tsu'tey is saying something softly to him, Sylwanin too, but his eyes have latched onto the fire, using its warmth and hypnotizing motion to try and settle his frayed nerves. He's not going to pass out again. He's not going to do it. He needs to talk to Tsu'tey. And Mo'at. He just... he feels like his tongue has filled his mouth. His tongue feels huge, swollen, and numb.
It's not, he rationally knows, but his brain offers it as a reason to not speak.
"JakeSuli?" Mo'at calls gently, lowering to his side.
Jake hears her but doesn't respond. He just stares into the fire. In the corner of his eye, he can see atokirina settling around him, on his shoulders, a tickle on his forehead, and one settles, slowly onto the top of his knee, flaring out its tendrils to loosely wrap around him. Jake pulls his eyes from the fire to look at the atokirina on his knee, taking a moment to realize that those bioluminescent that line his arms and legs are lit up, even in the daytime. The whole point is that they aren't supposed to do that during the day, right? Just at night?
"This body is broken..." Jake mumbles, drawing his eyes over to Mo'at, finally acknowledging her presence.
Mo'at carefully looks at the atokirina resting on him with bright eyes. "How so?" She finally asks, looking at him. After a beat, she carefully reaches out to wrap a hand around the spot just under his knee on his shin.
"I'm glowing. That's not supposed to happen until nighttime or at least the dark, right?" Jake asks, ears pressing back.
Mo'at nods slowly. "Usually." Her eyes skim across Jake's skin, curiously before meeting his eyes as much as he would allow. "But the Great Mother calling out to you. It shows that you are connected strongly to her. Very strongly."
The long way, it - she - whispers in a hazy reminder, the long way.
Jake feels a chill pass over him, but he shakes it away. "Why?" He asks softly, curling up tighter into a little ball. "Why would Eywa be reaching out for me? I'm not Na'vi. I'm not even from this planet..." He frowns, shaking his head.
Mo'at shakes her head. "I do not know," she admits. "All that I know is that the Great Mother is reaching out for you. Wants you to be here with us so that we may help teach you, Great Mother does."
Jake meets her eyes for just a moment before sighing, feeling like they were talking in circles. He looks down at his lap, just between his chest and thighs, seeing Tsu'tey's hand trapped there. Jake pulls his hands back, straightening up and looking away. "I...I'm sorry." As he straightens his legs, the action jolted the atokirina that was resting on his knee, making it float and flutter about in front of him.
"Jake... if..." Tsu'tey's words draw his eyes over to the other male. He seems to struggle to find the words. After a moment, he offers his hand for Jake to take but Jake shakes his head, curling up again to make himself as small as possible. Tsu'tey's shoulders droop, pulling his hand back to his lap. He looks down, frowning.
"This avatar is broken, Mo'at. Can you just... tell Eywa that?" Jake says, waving his hand a little bit before gripping his arm around his legs again.
Mo'at laughs, it's low and throaty. She squeezes his leg, which thankfully doesn't hurt as much. It's just a dull throbbing with a touch of oversensitivity, but nothing that he can't handle. He wished that she would pull her hand away too, like Tsu'tey had - especially since Tsu'tey was glancing at her hand, frowning more with his ears pressing back a bit.
"It's not like that," she says slowly. "Great Mother... does. All I can do is interpret what she shows. We learn together." She gestures between Jake and herself. "Great Mother will show."
Jake closes his eyes, feeling the atokirina float down to rest on his elbow this time. "I can't stay here," he says. "I just came back to say goodbye." He jolts, realizing his words, before carefully unraveling enough to look over at Tsu'tey's pained face. "I'm sorry, I didn't..." he stops, struggling to find the words, unable to look at the other teen's face, he looks away. "I'm sorry, Tsu'tey. But... I can't do this."
"Help," Tsu'tey says, shifting until he's sitting on one ankle with one of his knees up for him to lean on. "I do this. I do help. Please, Jake. Be Hometree with me." He wants to reach out for him, Jake can see it, but he doesn't. Thankfully.
"I'm... I'm not... I can't..." Jake stammers. "I can't do this." He's not exactly sure what 'this' is, but he knows he's not built for it. He's struggling enough just to find the words. How is he supposed to do literally anything else. It's not right.
"Yes!" Tsu'tey says, ears perked. "I do this! I help."
Jake shakes his head. "No, I just... I'm not... I can't..."
Tsu'tey scoots closer until he's almost touching him, but thankfully doesn't. He says something, softly to him, something that makes his expression appear tender, kind, almost... loving. And it doesn't make any sense. Why would Tsu'tey look at him like that? Is he confusing him? Or, maybe he's just being... Tsu'tey. Sweet, gentle, kind. He was like that, those lunch hours. He was so... kind.
The three females around him all stare at Tsu'tey, Mo'at tilting her head slightly, but he doesn't spare any of them a look. His sole focus is on Jake. Jake who has absolutely no idea what he just said.
Tsu'tey presses his hands to his chest, looking into Jake's eyes so intensely that Jake feels his heart pounding in his chest. "I will be... with you, Jake." His face contorts slightly, as if wondering if he said it right. Then he straightens his spine as if to accept his fate. "Help, Jake. I help... you."
Overwhelmed, Jake looks away, lips pressed together. He shouldn't. He should just say goodbye and let that be the end of it. He shouldn't even really bother to ask Mo'at once more if he can take the avatar. There just doesn't seem to be a point. He just can't wrap his mind around any of this. Why would they want him there? To learn their ways? Because of the Great Mother, for some reason, wanting Jake there? But why? Why him? Has she mistaken him for Tommy? That would make more sense. But him?
And Tsu'tey. Why couldn't Tsu'tey be like Tommy described him? Why couldn't he be scary? Intimidating? Had that been the case, Jake would have been able to fully shut down and never would have let the door to his heart crack open the smallest of slivers. Small enough for someone like Tsu'tey to be able to reach inside. At least enough to put him in this position. He never should have given Tsu'tey a moment more of his time.
Now he doesn't know how to let go.
Yet still, Jake doesn't know what to do. He can't live like this in the avatar. He could stand it for a time, but now? Well, now he's going to have to be doing more than tending to the school. That was easy, mind-numbing work. This is, what? Learning an entirely foreign culture. He can't do this. He's not built for it.
Despite his worries, a tiny, traitorous part of him doesn't want to walk away. It wants him to try. Like a little voice in the back of his head wondering if maybe he was built for this. If perhaps the reason why he never fit in anywhere on Earth was because... well... maybe he wasn't supposed to be there. What if... somehow... Pandora was where he was meant to be all along?
It's crazy. Absolutely crazy. He's human. He was born on Earth to human parents. He has a human brother. He wasn't meant for Pandora. He wasn't built for this horribly inhospitable place. He's crazy for giving himself so much credit. Absolutely crazy. He's crazy enough to think that he belonged anywhere. Especially Pandora of all places.
...wasn't he?
A kernel of doubt must have appeared in his eyes because Tsu'tey smiles softly, leaning close so that their foreheads are nearly touching, close enough for Jake's skin to feel electrified as the atokirina float off and his skin dims once more.
"You, Jake," Tsu'tey says, his voice so soft, but firm, as if speaking the absolute truth, "belong here."
Jake stares at him in trepidation, wanting to deny it, but this feeling keeps swelling in his chest, and it scares him. He's not sure what it was, and he wanted to run from it, but he feels stuck in place, forced to acknowledge that there is something in there. Something that's pulling at his ribcage, pushing as his spine, begging to be let out. He doesn't know the word for it though, or maybe he does but he can't say it. Can't put it into the universe.
But in his racing heart, he repeats Tsu'tey's words. "You belong here." Over and over and over again, like a mantra. It scares him, but also brings him a sense of... comfort? Peace? He's not sure. But those words echo in his mind, bounce around his breast plate. They won't leave him.
And God be damned if that small, traitorous part of him, did not make him wish it were true.