He'd messed up badly, and he knew it. Jack sat in his kitchen, stewing over a lukewarm cup of coffee having completed the morning chores. He was hot, tired, and quite frankly, had been miserable all morning.
"Dad," he heard and turned his head. Marion had come in and was seated in the entryway taking off her boots. "Dad, are you okay?"
"Yeah, fine," he waved from the table, frowning into his cup. He sipped at it and instantly made a face, coughing from his sip. Jack stood and poured it into the sink.
"What's wrong?" Marion asked. "I made a fresh pot about an hour ago."
He narrowed his eyes at her and gestured to the small table, "Apparently, I was distracted and put salt in my coffee."
Marion burst out laughing, and Jack threw an annoyed wave at her as he made a fresh cup. He held the pot up to Marion, and she made a face.
"No thanks, had enough. I'm hot and am going to get a glass of juice. How you can drink coffee no matter the time, the temperature," she shook her head at him and added, "I don't know."
"Right now, I need some energy. Didn't sleep well last night."
Marion frowned as she joined him at the table with her juice, "You've not been sleeping well for a few nights, yes?"
"Ahh, it was getting better, just a really rough evening last night." Jack didn't want to tell Marion about his restless night, the cause of it. He knew very well the cause of it-Lisa Stillman. He'd had a really good time with her, and things had been going so well, but then he had to open his big mouth and turn into the idiot he could be. It wasn't wrong to talk about their age difference, but like he'd always told Marion-sometimes it's not what you say, but how you say it. He really had thought Lisa was ONLY 15 years younger than he, ONLY, as if that was nothing. He knew that was a significant age gap as it was, but it definitely sounded better, at least to him, than 25 years. Good grief. He supposed it helped that she was 40, not something like 20 with him being 45. That just seemed too big for those ages, but she was at least mature and not some young 20-something. She could be his daughter. She was younger than his daughter, but it was undeniable that he really enjoyed her company and saw something very special in her. She lit a spark in him that he hadn't felt in a very, very long time, maybe ever, different than Lyndy, not in a good or bad way, just different. He couldn't explain it, and he'd spent all night trying to rationalize his thoughts and feelings.
"Dad?" Jack looked up and saw Marion looking at him again, clearly worried. "Did you hear me?"
"I'm sorry, Honey. What did you say? I'm just struggling today, really tired."
"Perhaps you should lie down, which isn't what I was just saying now."
"I'll be fine," he waved her off. "What did you say that I missed?"
"Oh, Amy's back to school night where she meets her teachers is the same night as your birthday next week. The school is also having that charity fundraiser. I don't suppose you want to go?"
"No, ma'am," he said with a firm nod. "Don't you worry about my birthday. It's no big deal."
"Well," she frowned, "I feel badly. We usually have steaks, and I make you a cake. I suppose we could do that at lunch, but oh," she made a face, "I'm supposed to help setup things at the school."
"Marion," he leaned toward her, "I've had 65 birthdays. I'm fine without any fuss. I can manage. You and Amy enjoy those back to school activities. I can take care of myself, but thank you for the concern."
"If you're sure," Marion stood and walked over to give Jack a hug there at this side, "but know you are always welcome to come with us. Maybe we can do something that weekend after your birthday, grill out?"
"Fine," he nodded with a tight smile. He did like to grill out, and he also knew his daughter wouldn't let him get away without some sort of birthday celebration.
"Okay, great. Well, let me know if you want to invite anyone. I know you enjoy Stumpy's company. Really, Dad, I'm happy to cook for your friends." She hooked her hand over her shoulder, "I'm going to go and find Amy and Sorayah. They went out on a trail ride about an hour ago, and I will try to link up with them."
"Enjoy your ride and make sure to water those horses. It's hot," he nodded to her. She grinned with a nod in return, almost feeling like she was still a young girl with Jack reminding her to take care of the animals.
Once Marion left, Jack felt like it was safe to sulk again. He'd really slept terribly, feeling awful with how things had been left with Lisa. The rodeo had been great. She was fun and told him she'd had a great time. She asked questions and enjoyed the events. He enjoyed spending time with her, and maybe it was her youthfulness that he liked, but he sure had one of the best days he'd ever had, just doing something he loved, something so simple for him as going to the rodeo.
He realized that his question or accusation, had not only insulted her age, but it had ruined their date. He never intended to insinuate she looked old or older, as in 50, and he knew how he'd come across thinking that. What beautiful woman, or any woman, would want to be mistaken for being 10 years older than they already were? Nothing he could say after that, at least last night, could fix things. He had insulted Lisa, and their date was done. Thinking back to it, he dropped his head and sighed.
"Listen, I'm sorry," Jack looked over at Lisa. As he replayed it, though, he'd not said what he was sorry about-the fact that it couldn't work with their ages, the fact that he'd insulted her, the fact he'd ruined their date-no, he'd offered a generic apology, and that had been part of the problem. Today, it did surprise him that he wasn't as bothered by the age difference, but again, that was probably due to the fact he'd had a really great time with her. Jack had not been one for town gossip, but he also knew that if they did purse things, this would be the talk of the town. Who cares, though, right? It wasn't anyone else's business. Certainly no other women in town had caught his eye over all these years, and the joke was on him that the one who did was a much younger, beautiful, accomplished, fiercely independent woman. Well, those were all qualities he really liked, sought out even, except for the younger part, but maybe a younger woman was perfect for him. No, he couldn't just use that. Maybe Lisa was right for him because she held all of those qualities, and he almost wanted to keep up with her youthfulness. Really, through his almost completely sleepless night, Jack realized that he liked Lisa Stillman and would and could put the age thing aside. Sure, it would be discussed, but he would be an even bigger idiot to walk away from someone who really had lit a fire inside of him in ways he couldn't voice to anyone else, well, other than Lisa, if she would even listen to him.
"Ahh, I suppose that you should just take me home," she had looked over to him there. Her eyes gave away her hurt. She waved her hand, "You can't change how you feel, and if it's too much, it's too much," she stated in a very flat tone. Jack shifted to say more, but decided to just keep his mouth shut. He put the truck in gear, and the ride back to Fairfield had been the polar opposite of their drive to the rodeo. Now, it was silent and awkward, when before they'd been nervous, yes, but had enjoyed talking and getting to know one another. He'd opened his mouth, hadn't thought about what he was saying, and he's ruined things.
Really, what he knew he needed to do was to go over there and apologize, grovel, and see if he could have a do-over on a date. He definitely wanted to talk to her about their age difference, but he did not plan to accuse her of being too young for him again. If she wasn't right for him, it needed to be for actual reasons and not just an age. That had just taken him by surprise, and really, in his defense, it was a lot. Who wouldn't at least question that? He was a man of convictions and did not want anyone thinking improper thoughts. He wasn't interested in Lisa for her money. Truth be told, that was almost a strike against her. He wasn't just after her because she was young. Plenty of men in the mid-life crisis did that, not that he was even close tot that age range anymore, but even in late in life stages, plenty of men went after much younger woman for well, the thrill of it and more. Perhaps he could talk to Lisa about all of that, that he liked her for her, not for some ulterior motives or for some knockout on his arm. He frowned as he thought about that one. He'd have to rephrase because that sounded badly too. She was a knockout, and he would be honored to have her on his arm, but well, he wasn't after her as some cheap woman who was there only for his physical pleasures or a romp in the hay. Oh geeez. He felt his face reddening as he sat alone in his kitchen. He'd really have to work on his delivery of whatever it was he was trying to say there. He liked Lisa for her intellect and of course looks, not just as some, some-he couldn't even voice it, whatever he wanted to say.
Jack stood from the small table and threw down his napkin. He hastily cleaned up his coffee cup and decided then and there that yes, he would go and grovel. It was all he had left. He needed to give Lisa a proper apology because what he had said had come out wrong. Yes, age was something to discuss, but being horrified at her because she was significantly younger than what he thought seemed appropriate-that wasn't her fault and wasn't fair to her. The more and more he went over it in his mind, he just wanted to tell her that he was sorry and that he did really like her.
Jack grabbed his keys from the table and started to the door, but then he paused. He couldn't go like this. Lisa deserved better than this version of Jack-he was hot, sweaty, and needed a shower after the day's chores. He'd shower, make himself presentable, and yes, he decided he'd even take her some flowers this time. The cowboy hat had been a good choice, the perfect choice. She had liked it; he could see that, but if he had any chance to try again, he needed to grovel with the best of them. He had to make Lisa understand he was not embarrassed by her or their age difference. If anything, he should wonder what Lisa saw in him-an old, washed up, broken down cowboy. Well, maybe the two of them needed to go ahead and talk about a few things, not maybe-they did need to talk if there was any chance of a second date or possibly anything more.