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Souls of The Night – Vol3

45.

When I opened the door, more than thirty pairs of human eyes turned in my direction. Most of them looked tired, frustrated, even desperate. At least you could tell they were all fed up and really needed a break from this meeting and their boss. The air in here was like in a cougar cage, the ventilation system unable to filter out so much negative emotion in the form of odors.

Even though Lexington was standing with his back to everyone, grumbling incomprehensibly and writing mathematical formulas that were miles too high for me on a large whiteboard wall which was in turn low enough for him, you could see that he was completely in his maniacal genius mode. After two or three seconds, in which the many horrified looks and the atmosphere in the room overwhelmed me and pinned me to the floor, I managed to close the door.

I drove the quietly jolting trolley across the room past the huge conference table, which was almost buried under papers, apart from a few glasses of drinks. Lavonne and Ali, who were sitting next to each other, made perplexed, questioning gestures, their mouths forming wordless sentences like `What are you doing here?` and `Are you crazy?`. I smiled and made a placating motion and began to hand out the quietly clinking teacups and saucers, gesturing to the people to pass them on.

All without a word and all with my boss, our boss, behind me. I heard him growl softly and mutter something under his breath like "Insufficient" and some of the people sitting closest to his part of the room stiffened. An older man, probably the head of some technical department, wiped sweat from his brow. It wasn't hot in here, not even warm. But thirty people cooped up here for three hours and a grumbling gargoyle inducing a sweat of fear - that was a combination that made the air in here suffocating. I no longer had a gargoyle nose, but I remembered what the emotions hanging in the air smelled like. Bitter bile.

It all made me smirk. I handed out all but one of the coffee and tea pots. I felt sorry for the humans, including Ali and Lavonne. But they just didn't know Lex well enough to know that he wasn't a danger even when he was this bitchy and frustrated. They had never seen a truly angry gargoyle before. Never heard the hissing or the shrill, yowling or roaring bellows that were supposed to cause terror and announce battle. Okay, Lexington's posture and the vibe he gave off weren't conciliatory and his grumbling wasn't really the gargoyle equivalent of a purring kitten. But I had seen him like this before.

I had filled a tea egg with leaves from one of the tins after smelling it and recognizing the scent with approval. Lex made a noise that could only be described as snarky, clicked his tongue in displeasure and when I turned around I saw his glowing eyes in the frosted reflection of the whiteboard. Okay, that was creepy (and adorable. Since when did I think such a sight was cute?).

Of course, I knew that this was not the behavior of a good, composed boss. He was almost a genius at his resorts but mainly a lone wolf. He enjoyed working with kindred spirits, but this was something else. I realized for the first time that being "the boss" was not his dream job. He was a do-it-yourself kind of guy who liked to tinker and puzzle himself and was unhappy to assign tasks to others that he couldn't be 100% involved in simply because he couldn't focus his attention on so many projects at once. The role of Lexington Wyvern 2023 had been gradually pushed onto him and since he had not resisted it but had seen the benefits for society, clan and further acceptance of the Gargoyle race as equal, he had committed himself to the role even though it did not fulfill him.

Now here he was, ironing out mistakes in projects that might never have come up if he had been directly involved. This situation almost bordered on abuse for EVERYONE involved, although it was very different from what I had experienced. The thought made me want to stroke him over the head to comfort him. But my boyfriend was so totally in The Zone that he didn't notice what was going on behind him. Presumably the thoughts and complex thought processes in his head were racing at 300 miles an hour and if he emerged from his trance, he would probably politely point out their mistakes to the team whose project he was taking apart not with claws and fangs but with logic and brilliance. But the whole atmosphere here was upsetting for the humans. And I would try to pull everyone out of here. That was ambitious, to say the least. But it would work. Lex wasn't going to throw me out of here with a kick in the ass. Not after the flowers. Not after the letter. The thought made me smile and probably all the people who could do nothing but suffer silently and watch me thought I was nuts because there was nothing to smile about here.

None of the staff had taken coffee and no one looked like they were getting anything down in this room. It was time for my intervention. I took another deep breath - and immediately regretted it because of the stuffy air. Then I picked up the saucer on which the cup of fragrant tea had been placed and approached Lexington Wyvern.

I heard warning hisses or horrified sounds in the room. The herd warning its wayward member of the apex predator on whose snout it was about to dance. I never felt safer than when I was near Lexington.

"Tea, Mr. Wyvern?" I asked casually and even rather chipper.

Lex whirled around and despite the general gasp from the people, I was quite proud of myself for managing to keep my saucer and teacup straight and my smile friendly and professional, even though I wanted to grin broadly. The way Lexington's glowing eyes faded, his pupils reappeared and his mouth hung open as his gaze went from me to the cup and back was hilarious. You could literally see - even though he didn't have a single hair on his body - how his previously bristling fur smoothed out. I bit my lip to stop myself from snorting.

"Tea?" I repeated.

"Tea?" parroted the usually eloquent, smart-mouthed, know-it-all, witty gargoyle that I loved and who probably unconsciously terrified the people here.

I walked away from Lex, made a show of turning my back on him and putting his teacup down at the head of the table. I added another teacup, a plate of cookies and two apple turnovers, which I knew he liked, as well as the basket of assorted teas, one of the hot water pots and napkins. I spoke as I did so.

"Such meetings are very demanding and exhausting for everyone involved. There is no doubt that you, Mr. Wyvern, have already done your duty and deserve a tea break. And the people should also benefit from half an hour's time out. Maybe getting some fresh air outside, stretching their legs, a trip to the cafeteria." I stepped back from the table, took another concentrated survey of the utensils I had set up, trying to ignore the people staring at me (us), then turned back to him. He had stepped up next to me, looking at the dishes like a doused poodle.

He cleared his throat ... skimmed with a newly applied poker face over the other people who were all waiting for his judgment or his outburst, then he looked at me, the hint of a cheeky smile at the corner of his mouth.

"Is that Moroccan green tea?" he asked and I wanted to pinch his cute nose, which twitched a little.

"With Nana mint. What a good eye you have for it, Mr. Wyvern," I said with a beaming smile. "But ... I can also make you something else. I have five varieties here. The black tea tastes fantastic with the brown sugar," I assured him and the boss nodded approvingly.

"I'll need some advice on the tea selection," he remarked thoughtfully.

"Then I'll stay here so that you can sample the different varieties," I replied sympathetically.

Lex raised his head to his employees.

"An one-hour break, then back here more relaxed and recharged," he announced, and the people went into overdrive with little comments expressing their approval of their boss's idea before nearly fleeing collectively. I pressed the tray with the sandwiches into the hands of the sweaty leader of one of the development departments as an unmistakable request to take them with him. Another person was given the cookies and another the plate of pastries. Ali and Lavonne were almost overrun and both stared at me, a little lost but smiling.

"I'll join you guys for the break again tomorrow," I said and Lavonne gave me both thumbs up and then dragged Ali outside where I heard the "WOHOOO" of Chad and Anthony. Then the door slammed shut and me and Lex were alone.

Lex was on me faster than I could look.

"I'm sorry!" he sputtered, clutching my jacket. "I was an idiot, and stoneheaded and fuck, I wish I had-"

I grabbed him by the upper arms (knowing that as a human I couldn't possibly hurt him physically) and pulled him far enough away from me to press my lips against his. Three seconds passed, during which Lex had to process my approach. Then he opened his mouth and granted my tongue access. No idea how much time passed, but when we broke away from each other, my lips pleasantly moist and tingling, we were both gasping for breath.

"Can I ... can I have another sample?" he asked, throaty and blissfully flustered. I kissed him again, slowly, gently and with relish.

"I'll forgive you if you forgive me too. I had actually forgiven you before the wisteria, the chocolate and that fantastic love letter," I said, gently stroking his bare head and then caressing one of his cheeks. He lay into the touch and it was simply enchanting how the tension fell away from him.

"Not too much? I was really worried the letter was too much," he asked insecurely, as if he was much younger and not the co-owner of a company worth half a billion.

I shook my head, chuckling. "Not too much. Just right and better than I could ever have dreamed of."

I maneuvered Lex to his chair at the head of the table and pulled one up for myself. I poured myself a cup of water and made myself a black tea. Lex smiled contentedly as he picked up one of the remaining saucers and placed the second apple turnover on it, clearly happy that I would be spending his break with him. This conversation wasn't going to be pleasant in every regard. But we had to have it and we both knew it. But first, something easy.

"How long did you work on those lines?"

"Almost all last night after I left the meeting I hijacked at Davis'. At the supermarket where I bought the candy bars, they looked at me like I was an alien," Lex admitted with a grimace and I kissed him again for his troubles and because he was speculating a little on pity.

"So much sacrifice for me," I whispered softly.

"Speaking of sacrifice. Brave of you in turn to hijack our team meeting. You never cease to amaze me, Nathaniel. I really love that."

"I surprise myself at points like this."

Lex grinned and ran his fingers over my hand. It wasn't quite as obvious as the deep kisses we'd just shared. But we were sitting so close to each other, shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip, his tail a curling presence around my leg, that we were almost on top of each other. If someone came in now, our cover would be as good as blown unless the person who barged in was extremely dense. And I realized at that moment ... I wasn't overly repulsed by the idea.

We both ate a few bites and drank some tea, but everything we did only delayed what was to come.

I cleared my throat.

"About Saturday night," I began, looking to the side. He too had turned his head.

"You don't have to force yourself to explain. You're a free person and I love you no matter what... or why..."

He averted his eyes and bit his lip. He had no idea how to finish the sentence. I could almost see the gears turning behind his brow. I could see that he was juggling two opposing concepts. The almost one hundred percent knowledge that my words, my pleas for him to hurt me, for him to rake his claws over my flesh, were not how I really wanted our physical relationship to go. The hope that I didn't have someone "on the side" who fulfilled these needs. And the fear that both fantasies might be true after all. Lex knew me better than anyone else ever had. But that doubt that there were aspects of my mind that were too dark for me to share with him - that still lingered.

"I love you, Lexington," I said slowly. I didn't want to fall into a frenzy and stutter, I wanted to be the master of my feelings and thoughts.

"When I was a gargoyle... I already felt the full moon and avoided it at Tachi's advice. Avoided looking at it and fixing my gaze on it. I never thought I'd have to keep doing that as a human. My mind just whites out. It was... I don't know what it was. You're right. I'm human, I shouldn't have reacted like that on the full moon. But I did it anyway. And what I said, albeit in arousal - and boy, was I aroused - that was disgusting and unforgivable. But ... I don't have anybody who hurts me and I don't want someone. I really don't. I'm not like that, please believe me."

He bumped his head against my shoulder and rubbed his brow against it.

"I believe you! I believe you, Nathaniel. I wasn't thinking, I just heard your words and together with the state of your body... it brought back memories. How I found you half dead in your bathtub. And how I saw your back in the hospital. I could have cried in horror but instead I chose resentment and said horrible things to you that I am SO ashamed of. I shouldn't have just assumed that the echoes couldn't affect you like that. I acted like a scumbag."

"You were hurt. You felt betrayed and I was in no shape to explain myself. If I saw you covered in bruises, I would want to know immediately what had happened too."

"But I didn't want that!" Lexington said hatefully, but the hate seemed to be directed at himself. "The first thing that went through my mind - and I hate myself for this, I really hate myself for this - was that someone hurt you. Someone who didn't do it against your will because you didn't smell like a tortured human being. I know you wouldn't cheat on me, that you wouldn't find a new - fuck, I don't have another word for it - that you wouldn't find a new master or Dom or whatever after what Jussuf did to you. But still! I basically referred you to Jussuf. That was ... really future tense Lex-like," he finished, whispering. His voice dripped with disgust and I couldn't help but ask.

"Future tense Lex? What's that supposed to be?"

He turned to his plate, shaking his head and pulling apart his apple turnover. "That was - is - a person the Timedancers met in the future. A ... very evil, physically and mentally perverted version of me. And Goliath got a pretty similar version foisted on him by Puck back then. A psychopath, a mass murderer who wants to subjugate the world for whatever reason... every time I fuck up I have to think of this person ... and wonder if I'm becoming him."

I was completely repulsed that he could think that about himself and really hoped Davis would work through it with him.

"Subjugate? By Allah- Lex! Nothing about you is evil. You're good and protective and generous and gentle. Yes, you overstep the mark sometimes but no one is without flaws and we are all made up of dark and bright facets."

"I know. But ... we don't know what the future holds."

He pulled up his snot and didn't look at me when I hugged him with as much strength as I could muster. Only when he was buried in the crook of my neck did he allow himself a shaky breath. I rubbed his back comfortingly. "Don't cry, Lex. You don't cry in good tea," I tried to loosen him up and he chuckled the shadow of a laugh.

"You're comforting me?" he croaked

"Well, we're both the men in this relationship. You comfort me when I need it and I comfort you."

"I was a dirty ass."

"And I've been hiding things from you again."

"We're both failing boyfriend school."

"We're not." I pushed Lex away from me and rubbed a tear from his cheek, smiling at him.

"We won't. We both have to go to summer school, but we're not failing."

"Summer school with you sounds really good," Lex admitted. I kissed him, gently, reveling in the moment without letting it get too heated. I kept talking, his head in the crook of my neck again.

"I'm not an expert on this ... multiverse thing or whatever Marvel is trying to sell us. But what Brooklyn, Katana and Nash saw was maybe ONE version of ONE future. One that will NEVER happen because way too much has happened since their Timedancer adventures for this Future Tense Lexington to happen."

"How can you be so sure? Who's to say that everything that's happened so far won't lead to this version of me that everyone and I are afraid of. I remember how the clan was around me when there was a threat of me losing you. Their looks said it. That they were wondering if these events would be the beginning of my downfall."

"But they weren't. They are not. If for no other reason than that I will be there to keep you on the good side. You will not go Darth Vader as long as I am there!" I hit the table so hard that the dishes rattled and shook my bruised hand immediately afterwards.

"'Ouch, so much for the theatrical effect."

Lex laughed out loud. And so did I, and we both kept on infecting each other with our laughter. In the end, we were lying in each other's arms and nuzzling each other.

"You know... you just promised me the rest of your life," Lex murmured with half-lidded eyes that threatened to inflame my excitement. The presence inside me made itself strongly known at that point, obviously loving the thought of spending my life (their life? our life?) with Lex. And as happy as the thought made me (us), the mere fact that there was an US, that I felt the wind entity inside me, forced me to reject this template for a conversation that could flow into much more romantic realms. I still had issues. I was not alone in myself. Maybe I would be again when the echoes passed. Or never. But I couldn't fully and confidently pursue the lure of a future with Lex when there were still so many loose ends inside and around me. It wasn't fair to me, to him, to the clan, to everyone around us. Lexington's gaze had become more alert, his smile thinned because he sensed my uncertainty and he must have thought it was because of his words. But it wasn't and I would come back to it. But there were still things to clear up. And Lexington seemed to sense that here too.

"Do you want to talk about it? I'm listening," he offered.

I nodded.

"I inflicted these wounds on myself. And I removed all the hair on my body except for my head," I said, knowing that a better opening to this topic would have been nicer. But I wasn't a great linguistic genius, I often just said what was on my mind.

"Why did you do that to you?" asked Lex gently. No pressure. He didn't make it clear if my change of subject bothered him.

"It ... just felt right. More right than ... I am now. It was ... not a conscious decision. I just did it. And didn't stop until ... it was bad. And at the same time it didn't feel bad at all, I was pleased with the sight. I couldn't get the whole package but I could change this. It was somehow ... some sort of empowerment."

Lexington picked up his teacup again and I mirrored him (a gargoyle quirk).

"The whole package. A blue skin color. Do you miss being a gargoyle?"

I puffed deeply and pretended I was just cooling my tea with the act. "Yes and no. I really wanted to be human again. I never felt like this heroic brave gargoyle that you had to be to do the job."

"We're all scared. All the time. That's part of it."

"Yes, I know. But beyond that, I've always caused problems for the clan. I mean ... this example alone. You let your company slide because of the hassle with me."

"It wasn't all trouble."

"No, it wasn't. But ... there were so many incidents where I tied up your attention and resources. I know- in a family, in a clan, you take care of each other. I love that, I appreciate that. But every time I had the feeling that I would be much ... less ... work as a human. In my old body. But it doesn't feel like my old body and I don't know what echoes are or what ... a new mental illness or - I don't know. And now? ... even as a human being I am more worry and hurt than help. And I know it's pathological and problematic on so many levels but I can't get into my human skin at all. Everything feels fake ... everything but pain. Oh God, that sounds so disgusting. And I wanted to tell you but that would be like admitting again that I'm completely swamped with life, as a human, as a gargoyle, then now as a human again. I hate getting pity, I really hate it but how could you or the others not feel sorry for me when I'm such a pathetic worm and psycho."

Lex put his teacup down with a clink. Not an aggressive gesture or a loud sound, but I winced nonetheless.

"Nate, come here," he ordered and I was in his web wing hug, both of our armrests pressing into our sides before I knew it.

"This... is not a pity hug," Lex stated. "This is a, `I'm-here-for-you hug. It doesn't take away from your strength. It adds to it. I want you to remember this, okay?"

"Okay."

He rubbed big circles over my back and automatically tears came because it felt so nice and loving but at the same time I felt the prickling that meant arousal for adult Backwing Gargoyles between my shoulder blades from which no more wings sprouted.

"I feel it now. Right this second, Lex. My wings. And it's not just what I feel, it's what I see. When I close my eyes, I see Manhattan passing beneath me like I'm gliding, and I see things that make me doubt what little sanity I thought I had. What I see in your eyes, in almost every reflective surface ... that's me and not me."

"What do you see?"

"Me ... as a gargoyle. When I blink, it's gone. Mostly just out of the corner of my eye- the flash of horns, blue skin, my ears... Wings rising above me. In ANY reflective surface, even in your eyes when they mirror the light in some way. Or in the window in your office and last night under the full moon I was SO very gargoyle and not at the same time and I was so confused and wanted to feel something real. That's why I wanted you to hurt me. How can I be in one body and in a completely different one at the same time, even one that absolutely jeopardizes my human body in the process. I sleepwalked and woke up on my roof, a second away from jumping into the air current."

Lex broke away from me and looked at me in horror. I averted my eyes, a faint smile tugging at my mouth but the bitter feeling in my throat almost hurt.

"I tie my leg to the bed frame every day when I go to sleep. To keep from sleepwalking or... floating away because hey- I obviously do that sometimes and something stayed inside me when Alex pulled fire and gargoyle out of me. Something supernatural is in me and I keep feeling it inside me like a second self. A being of wind and air, not flames and fire, and things happen all the time, even at work, that never let me forget that I'm his - I don't know - host maybe? It's not ... destructive per se and it's kind of comforting to not be alone in my head but - nothing weird ever happens when someone is watching and I know if I told someone about it, it would sound like I'm going crazy again - this time in a different way than before. I'm scared Lex. Depression... it's familiar waters - I don't know, but it's less threatening than other things. Things in my head."

I took a deep breath, myself mentally exhausted from my rambling but now I had started and couldn't stop until it was all out.

"I'm more terrified it was too much for my little head first to become gargoyle, then to become human again - like a system overload. I think I'm becoming schizophrenic, but even Davis said it was probably just echoes. I'm scared and weak once again. It's always like ... as if when one weakness fades into the background, two more weaknesses, fears, neuroses come along. Damn, I have a weakness hydra, one head is cut off and two grow back, the thought is insane, isn't it? Everything around me is madness!"

I started to giggle without being able to do anything to stop it.

Lexington gripped my trembling hands. Not hard enough to hurt me, but enough to ground me without pain. I stopped laughing and took a few deep breaths in unison with my friend. Then we both smiled, pleased to have avoided a small panic attack. I had known that it would be difficult to lift all the veils of my issues. But now that everything was out... I felt... okay? My friend looked at me seriously and it probably took all his mental strength not to look horrified OR pitying.

"Deduction, Nathaniel," he said firmly, emphasizing it with a gentle tug on my hands.

"Deduction?"

He nodded with that gorgeous determined overbite smile complete with fang flashes.

"Deduction ... against madness. You said things are happening in the company. Tell me where. There must be a camera somewhere recording something."

.

Five minutes later, Lex had reviewed the recording on his laptop - even zoomed in - of how my pen had performed its ballerina dance and then been violently yanked aside. I had been so worried that there was nothing to see in the recording, that I had imagined everything, but the recording proved that there was "something". In me. I felt this entity inside me even now and it didn't give me a serene or light feeling but the impression of a lump of stone in my stomach. It hated being captured on film but didn't engage in an even more revealing mini hurricane to make its displeasure known. However, it did seem to ... think.

Lex watched the recording over and over again in a continuous loop and we both finished our apple turnover and drank our respective teas before he closed his laptop after a few clicks in which he probably isolated and saved the file.

"None of this is insane, Nate," he said calmly and reassuringly, and his confirmation alone eased some of the tension in my shoulders. "They're not just echoes. They can't just be. We're going to Alex, we... I want him to fish these magical remnants out of you."

I cleared my throat and wiped my fingers clean with a napkin, then handed it to Lex.

"What... if-," I began and then bit my lower lip.

"What, tell me. Don't be afraid of the truth, okay? I promise I'll keep calm and we'll sort this out."

"What ... if I want to keep it."

"The ... being in you?" My friend was probably struggling not to look completely repulsed.

I nodded and placed a hand on my chest. As if the remaining entity appreciated the gesture and my words, something inside me tapped against a brain coil that communicated amazement but also affection. I had to smile at that.

"It- it's a part of me. Maybe it's always been a part of me. It doesn't work like a part of my body that I can always control at will, but it's not my enemy and it's not a tumor that should be cut out. Maybe it was wrong from the beginning that I didn't see it the same way with the fire creature. Maybe my wrong decisions have now led to me being so ... torn. Besides, Alexander is sick. He has the flu, he said. What if he ... blows away what little sanity I have left with a magical fey sneeze."

"Yeah...that's another thing," Lexington muttered thoughtfully as if there was more to it and he just didn't want to burden me with it right now. And I didn't want to be burdened with it.

"I ... don't know what to make of it," my beloved returned after a few seconds of thought, over which we could only hear the ventilation system struggling to filter out the last traces of scent from thirty stressed humans in the room.

"You hinted that this being, or this force within you, could be responsible for the incidents that endanger you. Like the sleepwalking. I'm worried about you. Can we agree ... that when Alexander is better, we'll discuss the matter with him? And until then, I'll get you an alarm system that will wake you up if the pressure on your mattress reduces while you're sleeping. Somehow I don't want to entrust your physical integrity to a piece of cloth that you use to tie yourself to the bedpost. Would that be okay for you? I'd feel more comfortable with it."

I nodded thoughtfully and we both knew he was manipulating me again. But I'd feel more comfortable with it myself, and Lexington sighed and leaned back in his chair.

"Fine. I want you to be you again, but on your terms. Magic is tricky. It plays with your head and your senses."

"I'm sorry I was ... so out of control. What I asked you to do. I'm really sorry. I like it when you're gentle with me. I really do."

"It was the moon. It was the echoes or that thing that's still inside you. And honestly, if I had pulled my head out of my ass yesterday, I would have noticed your distress underneath your arousal. I was just so ... I wanted you. You're sexy whether you're a gargoyle or a human. And I wasn't sure if you would still want me as a human like you did as a gargoyle. And you've also experienced ... frightening things. Is ... I mean, I could understand ... if I reminded you of that night and of him."

I blinked, bewildered.

"Of who?"

Lexington's look was so sad and bitter at the same time as he made a circling gesture around his face. I shook my head in horror.

"OH! No! Not because of Brentwood. That little ... scum. It was never about him." I grabbed his hand and kissed it before glancing up at Lex through my lashes, hoping it looked less stupid than sensual. "Just because I'm human doesn't make me find you any less attractive, Lex," I murmured and he smirked, preening slightly under the praise.

I couldn't help but kiss him again, even though the threat of one of the humans bursting in because the break would soon be over made me shudder. "I refuse to give him or anyone else that power over me and us. If the two of us are together ... physically ... then it should just be the two of us. I'll avoid the full moon and next time it'll just be you and me, both aware of ourselves."

"That's a good resolution. I'll have to write it behind my own ears," Lex said and stroked my cheek.

"Lex?" I searched for his gaze where he was trying to avert it and gently put my hand under his chin.

"Honesty?" I prompted. "I'll listen, I'll listen to the end so you can explain your thoughts to me and then we'll sort it all out."

He sighed softly as if sharing his revelation was a feat of strength. "What you did to me in my office - even if you were moonstruck - that was ... incredibly good. You were ... phenomenal. And just before I came, I thought about how you were so good at it because someone else forced you to do that thing for years. You learned this ... skill as a survival mechanism. I didn't mean to but I thought about Jussuf before I came in your mouth and I was so angry and horrified. About him and me and that I couldn't appreciate the moment and that you wanted to do this with me. And then I saw your bruises and was thrown back to the desperate helplessness I felt in the hospital when they showed me your back.

We had agreed that we would be more honest with each other. We had set rules. We were both cerebral nerds but the most important rule hadn't work at all. Honesty. And I was so terrified of the truth. I know it was completely irrational and neurotic but what if you had said, `Hey Lex, I hated Jussuf (because I never doubted that) but the spanking he gave me was awesome. Please the same for takeaway thanks.` I suddenly felt so lost. And a thousand years old. What if I couldn't be what you really needed? You had been so content in your last weeks as a gargoyle. I had also satisfied you sexually. I mean, you always came several times and told me that you loved it. But when I saw you yesterday, I was scared. What ... if this human body was wired differently? If I couldn't give you what you thought you wanted? It felt like Jussuf was in the room with us and that tainted the whole thing."

I let out a breath and could tell from the rapid pounding in my ears and the heat of my head that I must be red with shame. And I could tell by Lex's expression that he hated having brought up this memory. That he hated even thinking about it.

He clutched my hand with both of his and rushed to say. "I am ashamed. For my thoughts and for my words. But then I realized that it doesn't matter what you went through with Jussuf. Not that it didn't matter at all, but it didn't matter to you and me in those situations. Because I'm not him and you're not the same person he beat into shape. You are better, stronger, even if you don't feel like it but everyone around you realizes it and you didn't do it out of fear or pressure or ... habit to avoid something bad but because you wanted to and you like me. Isn't that right? That's how it is."

I rubbed the back of my hand over my nose and nodded with a bashful smile. Lexington had never looked more relieved, pressing his forehead against mine.

"We don't give him power. Not Masoud. Not Brentwood. And in time, their shadows will fade and only we will remain."

"That sounds nice," I said in a shaky voice, but I wasn't crying. Not now. Lex and I were in agreement. We had both shared shameful things. We had never been more equal. My friend laughed softly.

"The location and timing and even your impetus hadn't been ideal ... but okay - we ... could cross workplace sex off our list."

"Without penetration? You cheater," I said, making him grin.

"Oh, that sounds like you're planning on seducing me in my own company," Lex scoffed back and now I was blushing for other reasons, which probably encouraged him to continue teasing.

"No? No more sex in the company? Then I'll have to have the huge box of lube I ordered at the company's expense rewritten."

"I ... know an accountant who could help you with that," I said with a bashfully lowered gaze but with a smile that probably looked like promising mischief.

"Somehow ... I'm glad," I said with a sigh after a few seconds and leaned back in my chair.

"About what?"

"That you have just as crazy, far-fetched fantasies about how your counterpart might act as I do. I've been thinking all morning about whether the company security would even let me in. Or whether ... you would have put me on the unwelcome list."

"You are NEVER unwelcome, Nathaniel. I want to see you all the time. You ground me. And ... I want to try to ground you so that you don't hurt yourself anymore until this is resolved. The mere fact that you crashed this meeting was ... wonderful. Unexpected but wonderful. No matter how precise my or Xanatos' instructions are, the teams do their own thing when they get stuck somewhere instead of consulting me and everything takes ten times as long. God, I needed a break - these meetings are so awful."

"Not just for you! Lex, you should definitely build breaks into these meetings. People were at their wits end."

My friend screwed up his face into an expression of genuine remorse. "I know that. I can smell it. But ... I get annoyed at mistakes they make. Just that behind me." We both turned our heads.

"It's a formula for a light-, pressure- and temperature-stable lubricant to be pressed between two panes of a new kind of glass. Like a new kind of double or triple laminated glass. We are working on a safety glass that can be used in the future of deep-sea and space exploration, in the speed of sound flight and also in the construction of shelters on inhospitable foreign planets. At some point, LeXa ltd will build a huge dome somewhere in the world as a test center - maybe the North Pole or the South Pole. A dome in which day and night rhythms for gargoyles can be simulated and which maintains a constant temperature."

I patted his hand. "That sounds fantastic, Lex. I believe in you and that your teams can do it. But science is trial and error."

"Yes - but before you present something to your boss, you should have the trial and error phase behind you and have something solid to show... But ... I understand what you mean. I ... should work on not showing my frustration about it like that. I don't want to scare my employees. I don't think that's a good working environment."

"You'd need something to cushion your impact on the teams that don't know you," I suggested.

Lex leaned forward in his executive chair and tilted his head.

"YOU would cushion my impact quite a bit."

I laughed. "I was thinking more along the lines of an anti-stress ball to squeeze or a company dog. You guys are discussing things way over my security clearance here."

"I'm the boss, I could level you up."

"Not without it looking suspicious."

We both laughed exuberantly again, the burden not just of the last 24 hours lifted but of the last few weeks. I longed to pull him into another kiss when someone dared to knock on the door. Lex and I both looked up but neither thought to slide away from the other when Lex said, "Just come in," and Lavonne stuck her afro head in as the vanguard. For a moment, her expression was very puzzled. But I smiled and saw that Lex was smiling too.

"Shall we continue?" she asked and Lex glanced at me briefly, a look that included question, invitation and the possibility of refusal. I nodded and moved my chair a little away from him, but remained seated at the table while the other people streamed back in.

Great - Nate is Lexington's anti-stess ball so he's not a bitch around his employees. Hopefully he doesn't let him squeak in front of people. This chapter was a monster. I love my two gaylords but until they've chewed through their fee-fees - it's agonizing. I enjoy my other pairings in this regard more - less blah blah blah and more sex. From now on, the events will speed up - I promise.

P.S.: Have you read the twelfth issue of Dynamite Comics Gargoyles? Dino Dracon ended up in the river after an explosion and was never seen again. Just like my story Brood of the New Age - rad! But apart from that NOTHING else was the same (Coldstone! What the fuck! - can I include that? There are so many years between what will happen in 1997 and in my later stories- by then he might have rehabilitated himself). It always gives me such a kick when the comics don't contradict my story or I can adapt my story to them but if they don't, we all have to live with it. Well ... I just blame other stuff on divergence and the multiverse. That's how we get away with everything - thanks DC and Marvel.

Thanks for reading, Q.T.