Bulletproof Love - Pierce The Veil

I breathe you in with smoke

In the backyard lights (backyard lights)

We used to laugh until we choked

Into the wasted nights (wasted nights)

It was the best time of my life

But now I sleep alone

So don't, don't, don't wake me up

'Cause my thrill is gone

And the sunsets turning red behind the smoke

Forever and alone

.

.

.

I grunt in disgust as I lift my head from the deers neck. Foul blood. I could be drinking from my sweet angel but instead I'm back to vegetarianism shit.

"Oh stop it. You'll get used to it in no time!" Alice cheers.

"While I am fully on board with this diet..I promise you that no blood will ever match to that of a human. Especially Bella's if your behavior is anything to go by."

I side eye Jasper but he is studiously ignoring me this hunting trip. If anyone would understand my struggle it would be him. I wish I could talk to him about it more but the pixie is always around. So is Bella. And I don't want either of them to know just how badly I'm struggling.

"This is fucking bullshit." I huff, kicking the carcass away from me.

"Are you even trying Edward? Like at this point I'm ready to whisk Bella away and be done with you."

"Bella would be better off, clearly he doesn't want this."

"Touch her and I'll kill the fucking both of you before either of you can blink." I hiss savagely.

"Alice, be easy on him. He's trying but it's been 7 years. He will struggle. If we don't show him patience he might revert back." Jasper croons to her.

"You need to chill and go be with your mate."

"With pleasure." I huff, pretending I didn't hear that cursed word.

I dart off before either of them can say another word to me. I've been agitated as of late. It's been a week of me trying, with all my might, to switch my diet. The lack of Bella's blood or her body have me ready to scream. The animal blood does nothing for me. It's abhorrent.

"Hey that was quick!" Bella says with surprise as I slam through the door.

"I hate this shit. Animal blood tastes like shit. I don't want to go back with you to that stupid town. I want to stay right fucking here and drain you dry." Great! Word vomit.

I freeze instantly as Bella sucks in a breath.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry." I drop to my knees in front of her.

I feel her fingers running through my hair before I look up at her through my lashes.

"Its ok."

She forgives me so easily. I don't deserve it.

"It's not ok. Why would you say that? I'm a piece of shit."

"Jasper and Alice warned me this would be hard for you. That you might lash out. I wish I could help but I don't know how."

I slide on the couch next to her, laying my head in her lap.

"I'm trying. I really don't want to do this. But I would do anything you ask of me." I confess.

She doesn't say anything, instead she continues playing with my hair.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything you know this."

"Why?"

I sit up, confused. "Why? Why are you still intent on staying by my side? You don't have to anymore." Her voice is shy.

"This may be a cop out but I seriously don't know how to answer that right now. But what I can say is I'm trying my best.."

"I think we should head to Forks tomorrow." Alice bursts through the door, promptly ending our conversation.

I growl low in annoyance.

"Edward." Bella's warns softly.

The growling stops but I still shoot Alice the evil eye.

"Amazing how she's able to calm you."

"I'll see about having Carlisle check her over when we get to Forks to make sure she has no lasting…physical…damage."

"Why the hurry?" I sneer, ignoring Alice's thoughts.

"I think Carlisle is better equipped to help you than we are honestly. I wanted to wait until your eyes weren't blood red, but this brownish orange color will have to do."

Bella looks at me with concern. I mouth the word anything to her, letting her know that what I said earlier still stands. We spent the rest of the day packing everything Bella wanted. I haven't cared about material possessions in a long time. So it doesn't occur to me to pack anything for myself.

"If we're all packed we could possibly head out now."

"The sooner Carlisle can help him the better."

I stand outside looking at our cabin, my cold heart twisting up with sorrow. I don't want to leave but what choice do I have. I could have fought to stay, potentially destroying Bella or my siblings in the process. Something I know I wouldn't have been able to live with.

I could let her go. I should let her go. The sharp pang in my chest tells me thats not a remotely viable option. If what Jasper says is true, if she is my mate, we are now bound for eternity. I would never voluntarily leave her side. The awareness shakes me. I never once thought about having a mate. I was content being alone, falling into whatever woman I could find, human or vampire. Why the fuck did this happen to me?

"I know you don't want to go Edward. You don't have to. You can stay here." Bella's voice comes from behind me.

I turn my head to look down at her irately, my eyes narrow to slits.

"Are you trying to leave me Isabella?" My voice is dark.

She takes a cautious step back, her head shaking wildly. "No, I just want to give you an out!"

"I'll have an out when you die. Until then you're stuck with me." I hiss.

Her eyes widen at my declaration, but I go back to my musings.

"I'm sorry. I tried to get her to wait longer, but she misses the family. She also thinks Bella needs serious distance from you."

I tip my head in his direction, acknowledging the apology. We both knew there was no stopping Alice when she wanted something.

I let Jasper drive while I sit in the back with Bella, preferring to spend the trip touching her skin hungrily.

"So Bella are you excited to be back home with your dad?" Alice sing songs innocently.

I go ridged, my hands stiffening into claws. Bella gives me an uneasy look before turning to Alice.

"Yes and no. I know he's gunna go protective mode. I just want to be at peace and not get any attention."

"That's totally understandable. You've been through a lot and need time to process it."

No one says anything again. Bella burrows herself into my side before falling asleep. I lean back and pull her down so she's laying in my lap. I smirk at the fact that she never wakes up. I try to ignore Alice and Jasper's thoughts as we speed down the highway.

We make it to forks in a days time, having only stopped once for Bella. I'm tense when we pull up to a white 2 story house.

"Are you ready?" Alice turns in the front seat to look at Bella with concern.

"As ready as I'll ever be." She lets out a gust of air.

She climbs out of the car and I follow her without hesitation. She glances at me but says nothing.

"Are you sure you should be near her? I think you should stay in the car."

I let out a low menacing growl at Alice, too low for Bella to hear. But I lean against the car, letting Bella lead. She suddenly rushes up to the door before pounding frantically. The door swings open, a stout man with a thick mustache appearing. I watch as a myriad of emotions flash across his face prior to him pulling her into a tight hug.

"Bella, my sweet Bella." He cries.

Bella just sobs in his arms and my body jerks with the abrupt need to comfort her. I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn to see Jasper lightly holding me back.

"Where have you been Bells? We looked everywhere for you. It's like you vanished without a trace."

"I'm so sorry. I don't want to talk about it but I'm safe now." She wails.

Her father finally notices my siblings and I standing by our car.

"Calm Edward."

"Try not to lose it ok."

"Uh dad this is Edward, Alice, and Jasper."

"Hello." Alice greets cheerily.

Jasper tilts his head in greeting. I just stare at Bella's father. His eyes narrow as he sizes me up. My chest rumbles at the challenge. I take an aggressive step forward as her dad walks down the driveway to us.

Jasper immediately hits me with fatigue as his hand clamps down on my shoulder. I sway under his influence but the rumbling grows louder.

Bellas panicked eyes meet mine as the sound meets her ears. "Please." She whispers lowly, only for me to hear.

I clench my jaw as her dad stands in front of us.

"How do you kids know my daughter?" His voice is gruff.

"We've been traveling a bit between semesters. I noticed Bella at one of our stops. She looked like she needed serious help. I approached her while she was alone to see if she was in danger. She said she needed to get home and was lost. My brother and boyfriend didn't mind deviating from our route to bring her back." Alice explains morosely.

we all look at her with shocked expressions. "Thank you. Thank you for bringing back my daughter."

I strain to hear his mind, finding it difficult to navigate. His thoughts are not lost to me like his daughters more so it feels like swimming through a viscous liquid.

"Come on Bells." Her dad calls gently.

"No." I snarl.

She's leaving. She's leaving.

My siblings look horrified.

"Edward, you need to cool off right now." Alice jeers quietly.

"Give me a second dad."

Her dad walks back up to the house but doesn't move from the door way, he just stands there watching his daughter intensely.

"Edward you have to go right now." She retorts distraughtly.

"You said you wouldn't leave. You fucking lied. I'll… I'll fucking kill him. He can't have you." I snarl.

"Happening over there." Her father's choppy thoughts reach me.

My gaze meets her father's. I smile threateningly at the sound of his pounding heart. Bella and her father had similarities but this was not one. Her father's instincts were appropriate. He knew something was off about me. He fears me. Alice and Jasper spent most of their time around humans. They had assimilated, knew how to act natural amongst them. I've been isolated for a decade. Only coming into contact with humans when needing to kill them. My humanity was holding on by a weak thread. I was feral and it showed.

"You stop this right now." Bella cries softly, trying her hardest to not tip her dad off.

Little did she know her father, Charlie I surmised was his name from his murky thoughts, was ready to separate us. He could sense the tension from where he stood.

"I told you I would end your life before I let you go." I hum softly.

"I think you should leave." Charlie says gruffly.

"It's ok dad. Edward was just about to head out." She glares at me.

"We'll be back to check on you soon Bella!" Alice tries to cut the tension.

"I'm not fucking going anywhere." I growl darkly.

"Now listen here son-"

I stand to my full height, towering over him. The bloodlust had fully taken over me. Unfortunately Bella's father would die at my hands. Before I could take a step Bella flings herself into my arms.

"Don't, please don't." She clutches my shirt in desperation.

I glare down at her. Tears are spilling out of those chocolate pools.

"I won't leave you. I won't. I won't." She babbles.

"What the hell is going on?" Charlie yells.

I ignore him, focusing my attention on the crying girl clinging to me. I cock my head at her silently.

"You said you would give me anything. You said!"

"I'd give you my life."

"Then give me this. Let me be here with my father."

My eyes harden as I take her in. "You want me to leave?" My tone is dead.

"Yes but not permanently. Never that. I just need to be with him. Reassure him. Please. I'm asking you for this Edward. You said anything."

I growl as I pull away from her. She doesn't want me. She lies. But if she wants me gone….

"If this is what you want."

"Thank you." Her voice is breathy and full of relief. She sealed our fates.

"What did you just decided!" Alice shrieks in her mind.

At the same time Jasper's thoughts are also hitting me. "All your emotions just disappeared."

I detach myself, let go of this silly obsession I have with this meaningless girl. I'm better than this. I do not love and I do not get attached. She will never see me again.

"Edward!" Alice's mental voice is full of distress.

Bella whispers word of reassurance to her father, letting him know she's safe. She promises I won't hurt her and that I haven't hurt her while she was gone. She doesn't even turn back. She doesn't know that our path has changed irrevocably.

I don't answer Alice. I wait. Wait for the click of Bella's front door. When I hear it I run. I dart into the woods knowing my family would never be able to catch up.

I smash through a tree with a roar. Letting go of everything. Of the anguish, the rage, the care I had for her. She didn't want it and I will never put myself in this position again. No one would ever have me the way Bella has…had. It's not until hours later when my siblings find me. This time it's Jasper and Emmett.

"You didn't need to bring muscle with you. There's no need. I'll be leaving town soon." I say indifferently.

"You know you can't leave your mate Edward."

"SHE'S NO MATE OF MINE." I roar.

They say nothing. What would be the point.

"Alice says that your future shifted, that you truly decided to leave."

"That is correct."

"Why? You know that being apart from her will kill you."

"Let it."

"Do you think dying will help? You're driving through life without purpose. You finally find it and you run?"

"What would be my reason to stay? She doesn't want shit to do with me." Not that I blame her.

"Still the same emo Edward even after all these years." Emmetts mentally sighs. I don't even acknowledge his thoughts.

"I think you should come back with us. Being alone isn't good for you."

I shrug noncommittally. At this point I had nothing left to lose. Bella decided my future for me. There was no motivation to exist, let alone go back to my life.