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"I'm bored and I want to kill something."
"Go fight Grimm," Ruby suggested.
"Where's the sport? I meant somebody. The most dangerous game."
"Other hunters…" Weiss interpreted.
"I used to be bloodthirsty. What happened to me? I'm domesticated."
"Is this really a bad thing? I mean… you're not killing people now. Isn't that good? Isn't that what we want?" Ruby asked.
I waggled a hand. "I wish I could tear things up. You know what I mean? I want to almost die and I want to hurt somebody. I miss that. I miss the power I had over life and death. I want to rip somebody apart and I want them to try their best to stop me and I want to watch them fail."
"You're a little sick…" Ruby trailed.
"I… you… I have told you this. Multiple times. I've seriously let you know I'm a monster."
"Have you talked to your therapist about this? What was her name again?" Weiss wondered. She loomed by the sink in our enormous kitchen that I was the only one in this household who knew how to actually use. Ruby could only make cookies and brownies. I was on dinner duty every night. Weiss was awful at cooking. As in she was literally the worst.
"Amy. And she tells me to enter some tournaments. Says that might scratch that itch. She doesn't understand. I want to spill blood. I'm hoping the Vale council gets tired of waiting. I mean, how long is protocol? They have to let it settle before they ask me to do anything. But maybe them or Atlas will come for me soon and I'll see some real action again. There has to be somebody worth killing on this stupid planet. I mean, besides my family."
"Have you talked to Amy about how matricidal and patricidal you are?" Weiss asked.
"I mean, a little. She says everyone wants to kill their family. Everybody wants to kill their dad. Everyone wants to kill their mom. I'm not special."
Weiss gave this sort of dainty bobbing nod. Ruby took a seat in the dining room set. "I don't want to kill my family. Am I a lunatic because I like my dad."
"I think it's a guy thing. I think it's a guy thing to want to kill your dad and usually to fuck your mom. That's classical psychology."
"And that works on you?" Weiss asked.
"I mean, killing my dad for sure. The bastard. And I don't want to have sex with my mom. I want to kill her so there's that. I guess I'm special."
"Well we knew that."
"Why am I supposed to want have sex with my mom?" Ruby asked.
"No, that's also a guy thing, Ruby. For girls it's about finding a guy that reminds them of their dad," Weiss said.
"Oh my gods I totally see that. Well, I mean, he also reminds me of Qrow a little."
"Don't look at me. Cloud definitely doesn't remind me of my father. And I think it's just any male figure you spent your formative years with. Someone you spent a bunch of time with and look up to."
"But then… of course they remind me of each other. Both my dad and Qrow. I spent so much time with them so I know so much about them. And with you, Cloud. So which came first? Is it because I know them super well or because they remind me of one another. And Cloud isn't that much like my dad. More like my uncle. This conversation is gross and I don't like it."
"Again. I found a guy who was nothing like my own father. But that's also the same effect. I was so repulsed by my father I wanted somebody nothing like him. I wanted somebody with a warm heart."
"Like your butler? What's his name? The guy walking you down the aisle?" I pressed.
"Oh my gods, no…" Weiss muttered. "I totally see it! I wanted somebody soft centered and trustworthy. Oh my gods no. I want to have sex with Klein!"
"No you don't! And I don't want to sleep with my dad or my uncle. You're just seeing these traits because you're looking for them."
"Maybe…" Weiss trailed. "I hear that. But I also see it. I can't unsee it now. Eugh!"
"If it makes you feel any better you… oh no, you remind me of the fake memories I have of my Mother. She was always baking cookies for us and wearing dresses and skirts. And I totally let you both mind control me."
"It isn't mind control."
"It's not not mind control," Weiss palmed outwards from her crossed arms. "Oh my gods I can't unsee it now."
"So…" I muttered dryly. "Anybody want to bang?"
"No."
"Not at all."
"Yeah, me neither. I sort of gross myself out."
"But…" Weiss tried. "But does it have to be like this?"
"I have no idea. Maybe this is just how people are," I admitted. "And maybe not. I mean. We could just be picking and choosing and now that we're looking for it we find it. Humans are great at finding patterns even when there are none. Once we start looking we find them."
"That's what I mean! I don't want to fuck my dad. I didn't want to kill my mom. This is a crock of crap!" Ruby exclaimed.
"Then why does it upset you so much?" Weiss wondered.
"Because I don't want to fuck my dad and I don't like the implication that I do?" Ruby shot back.
"Okay, but there's a little bit of truth to it. Isn't there?" Weiss compounded. "Admit he reminds you a little of the formative male figures in your life."
"Well… yeah. A little. But everyone would. Everyone who I spend time with would remind me of them. Ren reminded me of them sometimes too."
"But not as much. Did he?" Weiss continued. Her face was scrunched up in resigned disgust.
"Well… no. But that doesn't mean I want to have sex with my dad and uncle."
"But the traits you find appealing you learned to find appealing from them," Weiss continued. "That's why we say you want to have sex with them. Not because you're actually interested."
"But that would be true for anyone! It just happens that kids spend time with their parents and family. Should that come as a surprise?"
"It's not surprising Rubes. It's just a little gross is all. When you think about it really hard isn't sex kinda gross in general?" I wondered.
"Sex beautiful!"
"No, Cloud's right. It's a little gross when you think about it hard enough."
"But so is eating, then!"
"Yeah. Maybe," I agreed. "Being a human... It's kinda gross. My literal humanity disgusts me. Are you guys sure you won't let me kill myself."
"Cloud…"
"Yeah. Pretty sure. Give it up Cloud. You're not going to talk us into letting you unmake yourself."
"You make it sound so appealing though!" I protested. "'Unmake myself.' That sounds awesome. Let's do that!"
"No," Ruby leveraged.
"Go to therapy," Weiss coupled. "Join a tournament. No random killings. No more talking about how we remind you of Salem."
"The fake memories she gave me are super pleasant," I defended.
"Yeah but then you mentioned that you let us control you like her and that's hurtful even if it's true," Weiss folded her arms again.
"And what? I'm supposed to take the thought that I'm like Taiyang sitting down? Or Klein?"
"You don't remind me of my fucking dad!" Ruby shouted. "Quit saying it or there will be dire consequences. There will be consequences and they will be dire. Please don't make me think of any. I'm so grossed out by this conversation I'm going to be sick. And, Weiss, think about it harder. There are more differences between Cloud and Klein than similarities. You admit that to me."
"Well… physically. But the things that really matter…"
"Is Klein also a bloodthirsty, murder maniac?" I asked. "Is that why you're attracted to me?"
Weiss hit me in a darling fashion. Yeah, drink it up.
"No. He isn't. He's kind. And honest. And he's soft hearted underneath a bold rigid exterior."
"...you're talking about me, aren't you?" I interpreted.
"You're not a murder maniac, Cloud! You're sweet. And you're so honest it makes me wonder if it's possible to be too honest. That's what Klein is really like."
"But it makes sense that you would be attracted to things like honesty, and kindness, and being smart, and hardworking. Those are things that people like!" Ruby protested. "What's not to like? I certainly don't like substance abuse but my uncle abused substances. There are things I don't like about my uncle and dad that I don't want in a member of this trio."
"Didn't your dad have two wives? Within a few years of each other?" Weiss pressed.
"I'm not saying there's no similarities. I'm saying of course there are similarities. And that doesn't mean I want to be like my mom. Though maybe I do… but that doesn't mean I want to bang my uncle or my dad."
"Sure Rubes."
"Maybe that's true for you," Weiss admitted.
"You guys don't believe me…"
"Sure I do," I disagreed.
"I'm saying that even if you don't see it, then I still see parts of Klein in Cloud. I see my own… what's the opposite of triggers? My attractors. The things that I was looking for in a man and a woman were in Klein and that's where I first saw them."
"Well, that's because he raised you. Not because you want to sleep with him. Whoever came up with this theory of psychology was on serious drugs," Ruby boldly claimed. "No sane person wants to kill or sleep with their family members. That's not true."
"I'm not sane, am I, though," I traded easily. "I am a lunatic. So there's that. You might not, Ruby. You really might not. But I want to kill my whole family and Weiss sees the 'attractors' she likes in Klein."
"Really? Ruby? You don't see any similarities between Cloud and your formative male figures?"
"Of course I do. But I was bound to find those once I started looking. Personalities are huge and complex. I was bound to find facets of Cloud in them if I searched for a second. You guys are underestimating how large a personality really is. They're huge. People say all the time that they have more than one personality or a different personality for each group of friends but they really just have one big one with many faces at all times."
"Sounds like accounts of angels…" I muttered. "What do I really look like? A wheel made of fire with a thousand eyes?"
"Something like that. But something still human. Everyone is a jagged, twisted, multidimensional object. You get what I mean?" Ruby asked.
"You sound like a lunatic," Weiss claimed. "And you don't even have Salem in your head to back up why you sound crazy."
"I'm not crazy."
"Out of context, if you describe people like that, you sound crazy, Sweetheart."
"Ugh!" Ruby threw her hands up. "What is a person then? Let's hear what you think people are? I think people are beautiful and otherworldly."
"I think people are ugly and made out of the world…" I trailed. "It's like being trapped in flypaper. Except you are made out of the flypaper too. You're stuck in it and you are it."
"You two are so extreme. Isn't it enough to just say people are rational animals and featherless bipeds?" Weiss wondered.
"If I plucked a chicken and taught it to do math it wouldn't be a person," I pointed out.
"You can't teach math to a chicken," Weiss laughed.
"Why the hell not?" I wondered. "How hard are addition and subtraction really? Is that too abstract? Or would I need to teach it hard logic? Birds can do logic. Crow's set fire to forests to catch prey. I once saw an experiment where a corvid needed to get a drink of water from a tall pitcher but it couldn't reach. So it just added small stones until the water level rose and it could drink. Is that not rational behavior? It's not not rational."
"Yeah but you make people into disgusting monsters and Ruby makes them into angels. Isn't it possible that they're just something in between? Why does it have to be something extreme."
"A person is the human part of a demigod," I claimed.
"I have no context for what a demigod is," Weiss pointed out. "Except maybe you and Oscar but you two are too different for it to be describing the same thing."
"I'm not a demigod. I would know if I were a demigod. If you have to ask if you're part god, you're not part god."
"Says who?" Ruby asked. "You're the most powerful person on the planet. Except for those people who you might say have an actual case for godhood."
"Salem isn't a goddess. I have the power to even ask if she is a goddess. Therefore she isn't a goddess. If she were a goddess I would know."
"But what about your power? It's godlike. You have extreme power for a person. More than any normal person by leaps and bounds and more than even other hunters by a full head. You're probably a demigod, Cloud."
I shook my head.
"I think I would know."
"Your children will be one quarter god. You're absolutely part god. You're way too far above normal hunters to be anything else," Ruby pressed.
"I really do think I would know. You know what I mean?"
"You're a poor judge of yourself. You're blind to your own abilities. In just three years you surpassed every other hunter on the planet. Other people trained for years and years and you passed them. You should have had no chance to catch up just through hard work. Though you also worked hard. I don't discount that. But it should have been impossible for you to catch up so thoroughly and even pass us. Ruby was a prodigy with a powerful semblance and natural talent and she practiced. And you passed her."
"But…"
"Face it Cloud, you're a demigod. Or the closest thing there is to one on this planet."
"I think Salem is… she's trying to fool me into thinking she's a goddess. I can't give her that."
"So you're a quarter god. Now you're arguing semantics. If someone says 'you're half god,' and you say 'no, I'm a quarter god,' you may as well say you're a demigod," Weiss continued.
"But I'm able to question it. If I were a demigod it should be unquestionable."
"It's pretty unquestionable from our perspective. You can question it," Ruby explained. "But then you are a demigod. Of course you can question it. Of course you have the power and you lack the perspective. Just because you're powerful doesn't mean you're able to answer the big questions and see the real answers. You're still human. But… you're also sort of not. You're very inhuman at times. And it shows. Sometimes you just cruise through problems other people would struggle with and sometimes you struggle with things regular people would find easy to manage."
"Maybe I'm just schizoaffective."
"Yeah, maybe. Or not," Weiss disagreed. "You are godlike at times. When you fight it is divine. You can use your movement to win battles before they even start. You get advantages over your opponents without even throwing an attack. It's godlike and it's not something regular people or even your typical hunter can do."
"Face it, Cloud. You're a demigod. You always say you would put the moon back together if we asked but you realize you very well might be able to. For most people it's hyperbole but for you, you really could do it if we asked you to. For you it's in the realm of possibility but for all other hunters on the planet it isn't. It is for you and it isn't for most people and it's the sort of task you'd say only a god could do. And you can."
"So...? Where does that leave me?" I wondered. "What does that make my enemies?"
"Well how should we know?" Ruby shot back. "We're just telling you how it looks from our point of view."
"I don't know…" I trailed. "Again, I feel like I would know."
"Most people don't have to sit around and ask, 'am I a demigod? I don't think I'm technically a demigod.' You do. So there's that," Weiss blitzed.
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-WG