Chapter Sixteen

I Guess I'm Into Bestiality Now

In my dream, I was back in the alley with Rabastan Lestrange standing over me. He kept chanting, "Sing, little lark, sing!" and even though I knew I was dreaming, every cast of the Cruciatus felt real. The worst part, however, was not reliving my torture, but when Rabastan's face kept flickering and changing: One minute it was him standing over me; the next it was Bertram Aubrey's smug grin and glittering blue eyes; and then it was Sirius, then James, then Dorcas, then Regulus, Archie, on and on until…Remus.

Watching him torture dream-me was a feeling I had never experienced before, and I knew then without a doubt that I would take a hundred more Crucios if it meant I would never feel that way again. Getting tortured was one thing – but getting tortured by the man you loved was infinitely worse, even if it wasn't real.

I woke with a start, shaking uncontrollably and still hearing the chants of "Sing, little lark, sing!" in my ears. The bedsheets of the hospital cot I slept in were damp with sweat, and my pajamas were sticking to my skin uncomfortably.

A soft snort from my right made me leap about a foot in the air, and my head snapped toward the sound, my eyes widening when I saw a figure asleep in the chair next to my cot.

"Remus?" I whispered incredulously.

He snorted again, his eyes opening blearily, but he jumped when he saw me staring at him.

"Shit," he mumbled, struggling to sit up. I noticed he was wearing hospital-issued pajamas like I was, and I became even more confused.

"What are you doing in here?" I asked. "I told you yesterday I would only be in here for a couple more days—"

I paused upon realizing how pale and weak he looked, hunched over in the chair with dark shadows under his eyes, and I turned to peer out of the high windows of the hospital wing. Though the sky was lightening to an iron grey with the approach of dawn, the silhouette of the full moon was still visible behind the wispy clouds.

"Remus, go back to bed!" I whirled on him. "You just had a transformation! You should be resting!"

"Couldn't," he said, rubbing his eyes and shaking his head. "You were crying out in your sleep…"

I blushed furiously, cringing. Great. As if I needed more pity in my life.

I had been in the hospital wing for three days, which meant three days of visitors swarming me and fussing over me because I was the poor little girl who had gotten tortured. I don't even know how people had found out, but I suspected it had something to do with the Slytherins. Only Rabastan Lestrange had been present, and I knew some Slytherins had Death Eater ties from their parents or siblings, so it wasn't hard to figure it out. Still, the pity and the worry were almost worse than the torture.

Dorcas, Becca, and Emmeline had been distraught when they had visited me after my talk with Alastor Moody, and it had taken an hour to get through their hysterics and calm them down. JJ and Alfie had only stood stoically while Dom burst into tears at the sight of me (which was terrifying since he was so big, but not surprising because he also happened to be the world's biggest teddy bear), and Benjy had ranted about revenge until Madam Pomfrey had to give him a dose of Draught of Peace to get him to stop.

James, Sirius, and Peter had come with Remus not long after. James and Sirius had tried to treat me as normally as possible, for which I was grateful. Peter had looked almost gleeful at my predicament, which was unexpected; I mean, I knew he still disliked me and didn't want me back in their friend group, but did he really hate me that much? The thought was disconcerting, but it was a problem to be solved another time. Even Lily, Alice, Marlene, and Mary had stopped by to bring me flowers and express their sympathy, but Lily was the only one who had sounded sincere. Or maybe I was still biased. After all, Alice had brought me a stack of Witch Weekly that I hadn't read yet, and Mary had hugged me. Marlene, I wasn't so sure about, but there was time for me to warm up to her.

The only person who had been noticeably absent was Archie. That had hurt a lot more than it should have, now that I knew my brother wanted to be a Death Eater with his new pal Regulus. I had been agonizing over that for days, but the real problem was trying to work out what I would say to Mum.

It had taken a lot of begging and pleading to Dumbledore and McGonagall to not write my parents about what had happened. I had convinced them to let me write my parents and explain everything, but how could I even begin to tell my mum that her daughter had been tortured at the hands of a person who hated Muggle-borns and that her son wanted to join those same people? I couldn't explain that. There was no way.

I cleared my throat, ripping myself out of my thoughts and capturing Remus's attention again.

"Yeah, er, sorry about that," I said. "Bad dream."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He looked haunted, and even though I wanted nothing more than to talk about it, I didn't want to worry him any more than I already had.

So instead I shook my head and gave him a small smile. "No, it was just a dream. I'll be all right." Before he could argue, I continued. "What about you? How are you feeling?"

He winced as if my question had pained him. "I've been better." He shook his head, letting out a weary sigh. "Not gonna lie, Pipes, this transformation was terrible. The worst one I've had in years."

"How come?" I was genuinely curious. Remus never went into detail about his transformations, but it seemed that tonight he had let his guard down a little bit.

He looked down at his hands, and I noticed they had bruises and cuts all over them. His fingers tangled together anxiously, and I slipped out of the bed to sit cross-legged before him on the floor, reaching up and putting my hands over his. He stilled at my touch, and I looked up at him, silently urging him to speak.

"Moony…" He inhaled sharply, his eyes downcast, focused on our hands. "I guess I should explain that first. Lycanthropy…it's like having two different consciousnesses. They don't necessarily battle for dominance; it's more like coexistence. There's me – Remus - and there's the wolf – Moony. Moony is dormant most of the time, except for when the full moon comes around and he takes over – when I transform.

"The thing about Moony is that he's not human." His face darkened, and I squeezed his hands reassuringly. "Werewolf rights activists argue that they are human – and they are, on every other night besides the full moon. I'm not human when I transform, Piper, that's the thing. And I know that I'm not human when that happens."

He paused, seeming to gather himself before continuing. "Since werewolves aren't human anymore when they transform, all the things that make me human become compressed. Moony can't handle complex emotions because he's not human – he's a wolf, and so he thinks as a wolf thinks. So, everything I was feeling when I was human – all the worry, anger, and guilt – became a confusing mess of emotions Moony isn't equipped to handle. And when that happens, he gets a little…wild."

I nodded. "You know, that actually makes sense."

He stared at me. "Really?"

"Yeah." I shrugged. "It's about different instincts in each of you. Two different sets of wants and needs. And they may overlap sometimes, but from what I'm understanding, it's distinct to you. You can tell who's thinking what."

I couldn't explain how I could understand that, but it was a welcome distraction from everything else that was weighing on my mind. It was like my brain was searching for something to occupy it instead of the constant fear and anxiety I had been experiencing for the last several days, and it had decided that the inner mechanisms of lycanthropy were a good option.

"That's the first time I ever talked about that," Remus admitted quietly.

I grinned. "Well, I do have a talent for getting people to talk about their deepest, darkest secrets."

He cracked a smile. "You always were persuasive."

I squeezed his hands again. "Thank you for telling me, Remus. I know it's not something you like to talk about, but I appreciate it."

"'Course, Pipes," he said, stifling a yawn, but I was instantly on my feet, pulling him up with me.

"Now, c'mon, off to bed."

"Yes, ma'am," he mumbled, stumbling when he stood up, his eyes already drooping shut. In the next instant, he had passed out, and I nearly buckled under his weight.

"Shit," I said. I looked around and saw that his cot was on the other side of the room, and I cursed again. There was no way I would be able to make it over there with him unconscious – my shoulders were already starting to ache just from holding him up.

My best bet was to let him sleep in my cot while I took over his, so I dragged him toward my bed, grunting with the effort. Remus sure weighed a ton for a lanky piece of straw, and it took all my strength to heave him onto the mattress.

I collapsed over his upper body, panting, trying to regain my energy so I could lift his legs into the cot, but I froze when I noticed that his eyes were open and gazing right at me – except they weren't his eyes, not entirely.

I knew the exact shade of green of his eyes by heart, but this was different. While his irises were still the same color, they were now ringed with gold, and there was a strange backlight to them that made them reflect the faint moonlight streaming in through the windows. His pupils were blown wide, as well, almost swallowing the green, and I knew some part of me should be uneasy, but I wasn't.

"Remus?" I said softly. He made no sign of acknowledgment, and I hesitated. "Moony?"

Slowly, he blinked up at me, and my heart jumped. I had always wondered how lycanthropy worked – were they a werewolf only when the moon was at its peak? What if clouds hid it? Did they only show symptoms on that one night, or however long the moon appeared to be full? – and it seemed that now I was getting some answers.

I reached my hand up as slowly as possible. His eyes followed the movement warily, but also with something that I dared to describe as curiosity. Wavering only a bit, I placed my hand on his clammy cheek, his skin feverish against mine. Moony looked back at me, and Remus's chest began heaving with faster breaths as if he had been running.

Suddenly, his hand shot out and gripped my other wrist, yanking me down until we were nose-to-nose, and I froze, hardly daring to breathe. Moony was using Remus's nose to inhale deeply now, and I realized with a flare of shock that he was scenting me. I refused to move a muscle, torn between morbid fascination and nervous apprehension as I heard something akin to a rumbling growl deep within Remus's chest.

Without warning, he released me, and I stumbled back, surprised. Moony was still watching me, and I realized almost instinctively that he had been approving me, deciding if I was worthy or not. I guessed that meant I had passed the test, because in the next moment, Remus's eyes had closed again, and he was fast asleep, Moony lying dormant once more.

I stood, dumbfounded, until I had regained enough sense to cross over to Remus's vacant cot and lie down on it. I couldn't believe that just happened. I pinched my arm, hard, to ensure I wasn't still dreaming, but when my skin stung and a dot of blood appeared, I knew it had all been real.

I knew I should be frightened, or freaked out, at the least, but all I felt was exhilaration and even a little bit…aroused?

My brain slammed on the brakes. Hold up. Did I really just come face-to-face with the werewolf living inside my best friend and crush and have my response be "Damn, that's pretty hot"?

Well, I thought to myself, I guess I'm into bestiality now.

The thought did nothing to make me feel any saner.

"Get me out of here before I blow my brains out."

Sirius chuckled, but James shot me an unamused glare.

"Don't joke about stuff like that, Piper," he admonished, and I rolled my eyes.

"God, when did you turn into such a mum, Potter?" I whined, throwing my head back on my pillows and groaning. "I just want to leave already. I'm going crazy in here!"

"Don't worry, Pipes, we'll get you out," said Sirius, winking, but James crossed his arms.

"She'll get out when Madam Pomfrey tells her she can leave—"

Sirius and I both groaned.

"Evans must really have you whipped," Sirius said sadly, shaking his head. "Acting like a real Head Boy and everything—"

"James Fleamont Potter," I lamented. "Gone too soon from this world. May his rule-abiding, responsible soul find peace in the afterlife of losers—"

"I knew there was a reason why I hated you two being friends," he said, scowling. "You were always the ones to gang up on me."

Sirius and I exchanged a high-five, and James looked as if he had aged ten years in one day.

"Seriously, though," I said, sitting up in my cot and stretching. "I've been here nearly a week! You'd think they were worried about Lestrange coming to finish the job or something."

"Well, you were tortured," Sirius pointed out, shrugging. "They just wanted to be sure you hadn't suffered any extensive damage."

"The only person who's going to suffer extensive damage is your brother once I get out of here," I said. "Uh, no offense."

I had filled in James and Sirius on the intricacies of what had led to my encounter with Rabastan, but Sirius looked wholly unruffled at me mentioning suffering and his brother in the same sentence.

"Goody," he said, leaning back in his chair and tossing his hair out of his eyes. "I'll hold him from behind while you throw the punches."

I grinned, but James looked disapproving. "Look, Pipes, I dunno what's going on between Regulus and your brother, but shouldn't you talk to Archie before going to Regulus? Maybe he could explain—"

"Explain what?" I said coldly. "How he wants to join the Death Eaters and turn on Muggle-borns, people just like him?" I shook my head. "I knew Archie hated being a wizard, but I didn't know his hatred would grow into something like this. And if I can get Regulus to understand how bad recruiting Archie would be, then maybe that would knock some sense into my brother and make him realize that no matter his beliefs, he would never be accepted by those who think he's lesser because of his blood."

James still looked uneasy. "There may be more to the story, Piper—"

"Oh, give it a rest, James," said Sirius. "If Regulus is trying to get Archie recruited, then how deep do you imagine Regulus is in himself already?"

James said nothing to that, fortunately, for just then Madam Pomfrey bustled over, eyeing me critically.

"How are you feeling, Miss Everlark?" she asked, waving her wand in what I had learned meant she was running diagnostic spells.

"Right as rain," I said, chipper. "Can I go now? Please?"

She clucked her tongue, looking as if she wanted to say no, but she nodded once. "Yes, you may leave today. But if anything feels off, even slightly—"

"—Then I know who to come to," I finished, bouncing to my feet. "Got it, Pom-Pom."

"Please don't call me that."

With the matron signing off my formal discharge, I nearly skipped out of the hospital wing with James and Sirius. The two boys had come at my request after Dorcas had brought me a change of clothes the night before and I asked her to tell them to meet me the next morning, without telling Remus and Peter. She had been wary when I told her, but I knew she would come through.

"So, remind me again why we're here?" asked James as we headed toward the Great Hall, gesturing between him and Sirius. The castle was empty, as most everyone was in class, and our footsteps echoed loudly on the stone floors.

I shrugged, not turning around. "You're both intimidating and skilled in dueling. I need friends who will have my back if something goes south."

Sirius spoke up next, sounding less confident than he had before. "What does that mean?"

I shrugged again, not answering, and even though I could feel them exchanging a glance behind my back, they kept following me.

We jogged down the marble staircase that led into the entrance hall, but they stopped walking when I turned toward the dungeons.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," James said, his eyes widening comically behind his glasses. "You're not about to go in the Slytherin common room, are you?"

"Of course not," I said. "We are."

Sirius, though not nearly as uneasy as James, still looked confused. "It's guarded by a password, though, isn't it?"

"Yep."

"Then how do we get in?"

"We speak the password."

He and James swapped another glance. "Do you know the password?"

"We wouldn't be going to the common room if I didn't," I said.

James was gobsmacked. "How do you know the Slytherin password?"

I grinned, tapping my temple. "That's for me to know, and you to never find out."

Honestly, it had been pretty simple. Since the house-elves brought me my meals, it had been easy to pull one aside and act like I was a worried Slytherin student that had forgotten the password to the common room because my torture had affected my memory. The small house-elf had been horrified and sympathetic to my desperate, tearful plight, and she had given me the password without hesitation.

I traipsed down the stairs leading to the dungeons, James and Sirius following behind cautiously. I had only glimpsed the secret entrance to the Slytherin common room once a few years ago when I had hooked up with a Slytherin bloke, but I could still recall how to get there. I marched up to the entrance, and without hesitation, said "Ouroboros."

"Really?" Sirius scoffed as the stone wall began to grind open, allowing us entry. "That's their password?"

"A bit too on the nose," James agreed. "What tossers."

I stepped inside the common room without waiting for them, blinking as my eyes adjusted to the dim, greenish light. The room was long and low, with glowing braziers of green flames and tapestries of silver and emerald. Huge windows spanned across one wall, and I blinked, shocked; I'd heard rumors of the Slytherin common room being located under the Black Lake, but I didn't think it was true until I saw it for myself.

The common room was mostly empty as James and Sirius followed me inside, except for a small group of fifth-years that included Regulus Black seated at one of the tables by the windows, just as I had counted on, thanks to knowing Archie's schedule and pinpointing which block all the fifth-years had free.

There was a heartbeat of silence before there was a sudden scraping of chairs, all the Slytherins except Regulus getting to their feet and drawing their wands. Sirius and James did the same behind me, but I only faced Regulus calmly.

"C'mon, Reggie, there's no need for a fight," I said. "I just came to chat."

He remained expressionless, the perfect picture of pure-blood refinement, and it was eerie how closely he resembled Sirius. However, at my words, he raised a hand, signaling for the other Slytherins to stop advancing.

"Go," he told them in a bored tone.

"Reg," a raven-haired girl hissed, but she wilted when Regulus glared at her.

"I said, go," he repeated, and his tone was so dangerous that even I wavered for a moment.

Reluctantly, the Slytherins shuffled toward the common room door, throwing us spiteful looks and promising retribution, which was quite cute coming from a bunch of fifteen-year-olds with acne and cracking voices.

When they had gone, Regulus gestured for me to sit. I took the seat across from him while Sirius and James flanked me, their wands lowered, but still in their hands. Regulus gave Sirius a lazy smile.

"Long time, no see, brother," he said. "I see you're still mucking around in the filth with your little blood traitor and Mudblood friends here."

"I think you've been sucking at Mum's tit for too long, Reg," said Sirius, sneering. "You're starting to sound just like her."

A flicker of anger passed over Regulus's face, but it was gone when he turned back to me. "And what does a Mudblood want from me? Was Rabastan Lestrange not enough to satisfy you?"

I ignored him. "Leave my brother alone, you piece of shit, or what Rabastan did to me will be nothing compared to what I do to you."

"Ah, yes." He chuckled, sitting back. "Archie warned me about you. You see, he was worried that Rabastan had gone after you because of our meeting in Hogsmeade, but according to Rabastan, you were the one who sought him out. Not that I can blame you, Everlark – all the girls still talk about him and how good of a fuck he is—"

"I'm not here to make conversation about Rabastan's cock, Black," I said. "Leave. Archie. Alone."

"Your brother came to me," he said, his lip curling. "At first, I thought the Mudblood was joking when he said he wanted to join up with the Dark Lord, but when I realized he was serious…" He chuckled. "Well, who was I to say no?"

"I don't think you're hearing me properly." I leaned forward. "Leave Archie out of whatever you're doing, or else I'm going to Dumbledore."

"You have no proof," he said, smirking. "Keep making your empty threats, Everlark, they'll do you no good."

I lunged for him before he could blink. He toppled out of his chair, rolling across the plush carpet before I hauled him up by the neck of his robes and slammed him into the window, the inky expanse of the lake yawning behind him. My wand pressed against his chest, over his heart, and he yelped when it burned a hole through his robes.

"Then think of this as a promise," I snarled, staring dead into his eyes and feeling satisfied when I saw a glimmer of fear in them. "If you lead Archie down this path, then nothing in this world will stop me from getting to you, do you understand? I don't care who or what stands in my path – I will see you destroyed."

I dug my wand deeper, and he gasped. "Is that enough of a threat for you, Black?"

He nodded reluctantly, but his gaze was baleful as I released him and backed away.

"Don't make the mistake of thinking you're the only one who cares about Archie!" he snapped, but before I could ask what he meant, he had already disappeared up one of the staircases, leaving me, James, and Sirius to stand uncertainly in the common room, trading a nervous glance.

And here I thought that my biggest worry for the year was having to work on a play with Remus Lupin.