The titular chapter!
Chapter Seventeen
A Burnt Marshmallow
"You don't have to be here, you know," Lily said to me worriedly.
We stood in the classroom the MAC rehearsals were always held in, loitering until the last stragglers showed up and we could begin. This was the first rehearsal I had attended since Hogsmeade, having been in the hospital wing for last week's, but I was determined to get my life back on track.
"I'm fine, Lily, seriously," I said to her beseeching stare. "I'm never going to get my part down unless I rehearse."
"We can always find another Titania if you're not ready—"
"Like who? I'm the only one good enough for the part." I grinned cheekily when she sighed. "Look, Lily, I appreciate your concern, but the last thing I need is to retreat in fear," I said earnestly. "Yeah, boohoo, I got my shit lit up by some Death Eater scum, but trust me, I got off easy compared to others. You know that."
Her face darkened, but she knew I was right. We were both Muggle-borns, both targets, but there were a lot more people like us who had been murdered for their blood status – and those were just the ones we knew about from the papers.
"You're right," she said finally. "It's just...scary. It's so easy to pretend like everything is all right while we're in school, but what happened to you really hit home for a lot of people, including me."
I bumped her shoulder with mine. "Well, at least I'll know I'm safe next year while Lily Evans takes on Death Eaters with the Order. You should get tattoos or something. Like, one for every duel you win—"
She laughed, though I could tell she was thinking about her promise of fighting for the Order of the Phoenix next year once she graduated by the tightness in her eyes.
"We'll see," she said amusedly, her gaze skimming the crowd before landing on something interesting. "Oh, good, Remus is here."
I whipped my head around, indeed seeing that Remus had just arrived with the other Marauders. He looked fit that night, sporting a black shirt and dark trousers, and I'm pretty sure there was drool in my mouth.
I hadn't told him about any of the weird stuff that had happened last week, particularly the incident in the hospital wing with him, ah, sniffing me. I guess that had been more Moony than him, but still. He didn't mention anything about it if he even remembered, so I kept my lips sealed, not wanting to make things awkward between us. I also had yet to tell him about my strange meeting with Regulus Black, and I assumed James and Sirius were waiting for me to tell him myself, as they hadn't said anything to him on their own. Even I was having a hard time coming to terms with it, though. My sole purpose had been to get Regulus to stay away from Archie, but his comment about me not being the only one who cared about my brother had rattled me, which I'm sure had been his intent. Still, I had to wonder if something was going on between Archie and Regulus that I wasn't aware of.
Not that I could get an answer out of my brother, either. He had been studiously avoiding me ever since I had gotten out of the hospital wing, and normally I would've dragged him into an empty classroom kicking and screaming at this point to get some answers, but something James had said about not knowing the whole story was keeping me on the fence. There had to be more to the notion of Archie wanting to join the Death Eaters besides writing him off as a stupid, impressionable kid. I just had to plan out how I was going to get him alone and trust me enough to want to tell me. And that was a different kind of battle altogether.
"All right, everybody, let's get to work," Remus said over the chattering club members, clapping his hands together. "We have a little over a month to get this thing polished and performance ready. Let's take it from the top."
Yes, sir, I thought as I went to take my place. You can order me around anytime.
"Watch out, Pipes," James said teasingly as he passed me. "You have a little drool on your chin."
I refrained from shoving him off the stage as he continued walking, chuckling under his breath, and I knew with some resign that he would never stop tormenting me about fancying Remus until I did something about it. And I knew I had to do something, fast, because his bum in those trousers was wearing down my resolve even more.
As if he could hear my thoughts, Remus turned from where he was helping a first-year with his lines and locked eyes with me across the room, and the smile he sent me nearly brought me to my knees. I grinned back nervously before turning away quickly, my smile turning into a grimace.
Yeah, it's definitely time to do something about this.
Later that night, I stood in front of the full-length mirror in our dormitory, plucking my eyebrows with tweezers and cursing at each hair I pulled.
"Piper, do you really have to do that in here?" Emmeline asked, a faintly disgusted expression on her face as she watched me tackle another hair. "The bathroom's right there."
"This mirror is better," I countered, wincing as I ripped another hair out.
Emmeline just shook her head and went back to the quiz she was doing with Becca from the new issue of Witch Weekly.
"Next, pick a drink," she said. "Butterbeer, firewhiskey, gillywater, or spiced pumpkin juice."
"What does my choice of drink have to do with what kind of bloke I'm attracted to?" Becca said, wrinkling her nose.
"It says that if you like butterbeer, you like blokes that are warm and sweet; firewhiskey is rebellious and a bad boy; gillywater is for loyal and committed blokes; and spiced pumpkin juice means you're attracted to blokes who are witty and good in bed."
"Oh, then I'll take spiced pumpkin juice," Becca said, grinning mischievously as Emmeline checked it off. "What about you, Pipes? I know you have a thing for firewhiskey types."
I snorted, finishing my brows and coming to sit with them on Becca's bed. "If I liked firewhiskey types, I would've shagged Sirius Black by now. Put me down for butterbeer."
"Hm," Emmeline said, marking me off. "Remus Lupin seems pretty butterbeer to me. Good choice, Piper."
"Not you, too," I groaned as she and Becca snickered.
"Piper, anyone with eyes can see that you fancy him," said Becca sympathetically, patting my hand.
"And he has them for you, too," Emmeline agreed.
I whirled on her, eyes wide. "What?"
Becca laughed incredulously. "You can't be that dense, honey."
Emmeline stared at me as if I were mad. "You really haven't noticed?" she said. "This whole time I thought you were just tormenting the poor bloke! Merlin, Piper, you're oblivious."
I was spared from having to answer, trying to wrap my head around this new development, when the dormitory door opened and Dorcas waltzed in, waving four envelopes in her hand.
"Evening, ladies," she said, tossing the envelopes on the bed and draping herself across Emmeline's lap as she joined us.
"What are these?" Becca asked, picking up one of the envelopes.
"Invitations," she replied breezily. "Mary just gave them to me on my way up. They're for the Marauders' Halloween party this Friday. She said that we were all invited."
"Wicked," Emmeline said, snatching up her own and reading the invitation inside. "I've never been to one of their parties before."
I winced, knowing that it was because of me that they hadn't been invited in the past. I glanced over my own invitation, which was decorated with dancing skeletons and laughing pumpkins, reading:
THE MARAUDERS' LAST ANNUAL HALLOWEEN BASH
When: Friday, 31 October 1977
Where: Gryffindor Common Room
What: Come celebrate the last Marauders' Halloween Bash in style. Costumes required. Food and beverages will be served. Feel free to bring own.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN
"Damn," Becca said. "I guess we should come up with costume ideas, then."
I didn't respond, my mind working quickly. A party! It was brilliant. The Marauders' parties were famous for alcohol, and liquid courage was exactly what I needed to spill my guts to Remus. And if he reacted terribly, I could just blame it on being drunk. It really was too perfect.
Little did I know, the universe had other plans for me.
The day before the Marauders' Halloween party would go down as the longest day in history – at least, in my mind.
After spending Wednesday night debating costume ideas, Dorcas, Becca, Emmeline, and I had finally agreed on what to go as, and I had to say, I was eager to debut our costumes (not to impress Remus Lupin, mind you).
Actually, fuck it. Yeah, it was.
"Miss Everlark, if I catch you doodling on your parchment again when you're supposed to be taking notes, it's detention."
Professor McGonagall eyed me sternly from where she had been teaching at the blackboard when I looked up. I grimaced, muttering, "Sorry, Professor," before opening up the proper page in my Transfiguration book to follow along with the lesson.
A few snickers floated around the room after McGonagall's callout, but the classroom fell silent again as she went on teaching. When her back was turned, Benjy leaned over to me and whispered out of the corner of his mouth.
"Since when do you draw cute little hearts and flowers?" he said.
I glowered at him, shoving the parchment under my book. "Since today."
He snorted. "Usually, you draw stick people getting various limbs torn off," he pointed out.
"Well, getting tortured changes you," I whispered back, and I sighed when he looked at me in alarm. "It was just a joke, Benj. Calm down."
"You shouldn't joke about that, Piper," he said angrily. "We were all worried about you—"
"And I appreciate the concern," I reassured him, "but Christ, Benj, I don't have to let it scare me."
He still looked unhappy, but at least he dropped it. "I guess you're right. Sorry, Pipes."
I blew him a kiss. "Love you, Benjy."
"Love you, too, psycho."
The lesson droned on after that, but I was thankful Benjy hadn't asked me again about the doodles. Admitting that I was thinking about ways to tell Remus that I fancied the hell out of him would've earned me an earful of jokes and innuendos, and the last thing I needed was to back out of my commitment to telling a certain werewolf how I felt about him.
When the bell rang throughout the castle, I gathered my stuff and walked with Benjy to the door of the classroom, ignoring the irritating flip of my stomach when I saw Remus standing with the other Marauders in the corridor.
"Ah, our two favorite sixth-years!" James said loudly, breezing over to us and slinging his arms around our shoulders. "How goes it, my little children?"
"We're a year below you, James, not five," I said, rolling my eyes. "And we're fine, thank you."
"Did you get our invitations for tomorrow?" he asked, ignoring me. "It's gonna be the party of the century. People will be talking about it for years to come. We'll be legends."
"Yeah, we'll be there," Benjy said, sounding quite breathless at having been included by the Marauders.
"Don't forget your costumes," Sirius added, pushing back his hair and almost causing some poor girl behind him to collapse. "What are you wearing, Pipes? Something revealing, I hope?"
"You wish," I retorted. "And I'm not telling you. Dorcas would kill me if I spoiled the surprise."
"Speaking of surprises," said Remus, chiming in, "wait 'til you see what we have in store for tomorrow."
I looked at him as neutrally as I could, raising my brows. "If it's anything less than hags performing burlesque, I'm not coming."
He laughed, and my stomach did the weird flip-flop thing again. I tried to write it off as indigestion, but when he looked at me with his dimples and crinkly eyes, I knew it was my dumb feelings making themselves known.
"Trust me, it's better than that," he said, winking at me, and I probably would've jumped him on the spot if James hadn't purposefully stomped on my foot.
"Ow!" I cried, pushing him off and holding my foot up gingerly. "Watch where you're stepping, you git!"
"Sorry," he said, not sounding sorry at all, but his eyes conveyed I just saved your pride and reputation, Everlark, so shut the bloody hell up. "You know what they say about big feet, though, right?"
"Not around the children, Prongs," Sirius said, clapping a hand over his mate's mouth before ushering him into the classroom with muffled protests as Peter tripped on their heels in his haste to follow.
Remus turned back to me before following his friends in. "See you at the party?"
"Wouldn't miss it for the world," I replied easily and tossed my hair for good measure.
He seemed stumped for a moment before Sirius yelled for him to get his ass into the classroom, quickly followed by a sharp reproach from McGonagall for his language. He shook his head, only grinning at me and saying "Good" before heading into the room.
"Shit," Benjy muttered beside me, and I looked up at him quizzically as he shook his head. "I hate betting against Dorcas. I owe her five Galleons now."
"For what?"
"Oh, nothing," he replied airily, instead looping my arm through his as we headed down the corridor. "Just a little wager we had going on. No need to worry about it."
Something told me I should be worried about it, but I didn't press him, instead thinking back to our short interaction with the Marauders, and wondering if I'd only imagined the way Remus had looked at me.
She knows. Fucking hell, she knows.
This was Remus's only thought as he took his seat in McGonagall's class, remembering the way he'd openly stared as Piper brushed her hair over her shoulder before she'd turned back, catching him in the act when he'd been momentarily speechless.
I'm an idiot. She's my friend, and after everything she's been through, I'm fucking ogling at her and making her uncomfortable. I'm such an insensitive prick.
And to think he'd been doing so well, he thought bitterly. He'd tried his best to be there for her after what had happened to her in Hogsmeade, to be the supportive friend he hadn't been in years, and just when he thought he was finally doing right by her, he learned what Aubrey had done.
He'd never felt so helpless. All he could think about after she'd told him were all the times he had stood back while his friends taunted her and insulted her and done nothing in her defense. He was useless. Back then and now. And his increased infatuation with her was certainly not helping in the slightest.
She'd always been cute, and he'd watched her grow more attractive every year, but now she was downright bloody gorgeous, and he could barely speak to her anymore without making a fool out of himself.
He didn't even know where this infatuation had come from. Yes, he'd had a crush on her when they were children, but whatever he was feeling now was definitely not just a schoolboy crush. He often found himself lying awake at night, hearing Sirius come in after he was done with whoever he had chosen to shag that week, unable to help himself from thinking if he were the one stumbling into the dorm at ungodly hours of the night after being locked away in a broom cupboard with Piper Everlark.
Remus clutched the quill in his hand tightly, willing away the unbidden images of Piper straddling his lap in an empty classroom before they could stick in his mind.
You're her friend, he reminded himself savagely. And she deserves someone better than a monster.
"Moony, stop dominating your quill," Sirius said from beside him, ripping Remus out of his thoughts. "It's been screaming its safe word for the last five minutes."
Remus relaxed his grip on his quill, shooting Sirius a dry look. "Better?"
Sirius pretended to listen carefully, lips pursed, before nodding. "The quill says thank you. It also told me to tell you that it wants to try anal next."
Remus disguised his snort as a cough when McGonagall glanced warningly in their direction.
"Merlin, Pads, you're a perv," he said, and Sirius grinned.
"What's on your mind, Moony?" he said, plucking Remus's quill out of his hand and twirling it around his fingers.
"Nothing," Remus said. "Give that back; I have to take notes for the both of us, seeing as you're not going to do yours."
"Don't lie to me, Moony," he said, relinquishing his hold on Remus's quill. "I can always tell when you're overthinking something."
"I'm overthinking our Transfiguration homework we have to do tonight," he retorted.
There was a sudden scrape of a chair behind them, and Remus looked over his shoulder to see that James had pushed his desk closer, glancing between them expectantly. "What are we whispering about?" Peter was now eavesdropping, as well, though not as openly as James, and Remus sighed.
"Nothing, Prongs," he said at the same time that Sirius whispered, "Moony's brooding again."
Remus shook his head, exasperated. "I don't brood."
"Yes, you do," James said, dismissing him easily. "Whatchu thinkin' about?"
"How I'm going to jinx you all if you don't stop pestering me."
"Hmm, touchy and moody," said James, scrutinizing him carefully.
"Deflecting questions," added Sirius.
"Growing annoyance and agitation," mused Peter.
"You've definitely got something on your mind," concluded James.
"Fine, you wankers, I'm worried about Piper," he snapped. It wasn't technically a lie; of course, he was worried about her after everything that's happened – they just didn't need to know the nature of what he was thinking about her.
"She's fine, Moony," Sirius said. "We were with her when she got out of the hospital wing, and trust me, she was looking for a fight when we went to the Slytherin common room—"
James smacked his forehead as Remus whirled on him. "What?"
Sirius immediately cowed, looking to James for support. "Er, Prongs and I just happened to be in the area…when she, uh, broke into the Slytherin common room to throttle my shit of a little brother…"
"What Sirius is trying to say," James broke in as Remus stared, outraged, "is that Piper asked us to come with her as backup while… Actually, yeah, Sirius has it right about the whole breaking in and throttling thing – except it was more threatening and less throttling—"
"And you thought it was a good idea to let her waltz in there after what Rabastan Lestrange did to her?" Remus demanded. "Do you idiots realize that Lestrange was a Slytherin, and he no doubt has any number of allies in that house who would be happy to continue where he left off on her?"
"She wasn't alone," Sirius said hastily. "We were with her the whole time."
"And that's supposed to make it all right?" he hissed. "After everything that Lestrange did, after all this shit with Aubrey? Do you even care?"
"Of course, we care," Sirius said coldly.
"Piper's a smart girl, Moony," said James defensively. "And she's not a little firsty anymore. In fact, I'd say she's kind of a badass now."
Sirius watched him. "She's our friend, too, you know. And you know better than any of us that what Piper wants, Piper gets."
Remus expelled a long breath. "You're right," he said wearily. "Just…let me know next time, all right?"
James clasped his shoulder from behind. "'Course, Moony."
"And don't worry about Piper," said Sirius. "She's strong."
Remus nodded before going back to his notes. He knew Piper was strong – probably stronger than any of them.
And he also knew that he wouldn't be able to keep his feelings hidden forever when it came to her.
"Piper, quit sulking. You look fine."
I frowned at myself in the mirror, picking at a loose thread on the dress that consisted of my costume. The dress itself was gorgeous, a gauzy, pale blue number that matched my eyes and left nothing to the imagination, held in place with expensive-looking seashell pins. A crown of roses rested atop my curls, completing the image of the goddess Aphrodite, but I felt nothing like a goddess – even less the goddess of love.
My stomach had been in knots all day, half-anticipating, half-dreading the party, and seeing my reflection in the mirror – a little girl pretending to be a woman, anxious and queasy – was making me rethink everything.
How could Remus fancy someone like me? He was responsible, sensible, and far too kind for his own good, while I was the epitome of screwed up. I'd built myself back up as best I could, but I was still the helpless girl in the library, the broken girl lying in the alleyway of Hogsmeade, the wretched girl who'd torn apart her family, whose brother hated her, who'd started a war with the Marauders because she'd hated them for abandoning her. I was still Pimply, and he was everything good and light in the world, and I was afraid of tainting that – tainting him.
My ruminations were interrupted when a shoe hit me in the back of the head, skewing my rose crown and ruining the carefully crafted hairstyle I'd labored over for hours (okay, twenty minutes, but still). I turned to see Dorcas, Becca, and Emmeline waiting impatiently for me by the door to our dormitory, and by Becca's bare right foot, I figured she was the shoe-chucker.
"What?" I huffed, tilting my crown back in place and fixing my hair as she came over to retrieve her shoe, her green-and-gold dress swishing like swaying grass with every movement, a symbolic costume for Demeter. Our costumes, of course, had been courtesy of Becca's filthy rich mother, who'd immediately sent half her closet to us once Becca had written her about our Greek goddess idea. It explained why I was clothed in a fabric I'd never felt before in my life (and probably never would again) and why Becca treated it like it was nothing.
Bloody pure-bloods.
"You're fussing over nothing," Emmeline said. She was dressed in a gown of deep blue and silver plating that looked like armor to represent Athena, and I wondered if I shouldn't ask her to switch costumes – wits and battle strategy were both things I could use tonight. "The party's already started; let's go."
"I'll be down in a moment," I insisted. "Go grab some drinks or something. Don't wait on me."
Becca and Emmeline exchanged a look before shrugging and departing the dormitory, but to my resignation, Dorcas stayed behind. She was stunning tonight; she'd let her hair down in golden ripples, and the white dress decorated in peacock feathers created a beautiful contrast to her brown skin. She looked every bit like the Queen of the Gods, and it was hard not to imagine her as Hera herself as she came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders.
"You're anxious," she said, reading me like she always could – or perhaps she just felt the tension in my shoulders. "Is this about Lupin?"
I sighed, dropping the charade now that it was just us. For all our differences, Dorcas had always been my closest friend, and I knew there would be no use in lying to her.
"I can't tell him how I feel," I said, realizing that this was the first time I was admitting my feelings for him out loud. "Dorcas, we just became friends again. I don't want to scare him away."
"Who says he'll be scared?" she countered, running her hands soothingly down my back. "Piper, I've seen the way he looks at you. There's no way he could reject you."
He will if he thinks he's a monster, I answered in my head. He will if he's afraid of breaking me any more than I've already been broken.
"He's going to fight once he graduates," I said instead. "He won't want to start anything if he's only going to leave in a few months' time."
"You don't know that," she said. "Maybe that'll just incentivize him to be with you more." When I didn't answer, she sighed, patting my shoulders. "You don't even have to tell him tonight if you don't want to. Just come down when you're ready, all right? Please have some fun. You deserve it."
She left me alone at the mirror, still searching for the girl I wanted to be.
Remus was disappointed – yet again – when he saw Dorcas come down the girls' staircase with no Piper in sight. Emmeline and Becca had joined the party several minutes ago, but Piper was yet to be seen, and he swallowed the bitterness in his mouth along with a shot of firewhiskey.
"Slow down, Moony," said Peter, eyeing his friend warily as Remus filled another glass and downed it in one gulp. "That's the fourth shot I've seen you take in the last fifteen minutes."
"Sod off, Wormtail," he said, his voice raspy from the scorching alcohol. "It's a party; I'm having fun."
Peter held up his hands in defense, the wreath of grapevines on his brow wobbling dangerously from where it sat precariously upon his too-large head. Sirius thought it would be a brilliant idea for them to go as Greek gods, which resulted in Peter taking on the role of Dionysus while Sirius and James were Zeus and Apollo, respectively. James had tried to wrangle Remus into being either Poseidon or Ares, but Remus had neglected the Greek gods entirely and decided to be Remus, one of the founders of Rome, as a sort of personal joke to himself.
"Damn," Peter said, following Remus's gaze to the staircase where Dorcas was descending. "A shame she's into other birds; Meadowes looks fit as hell in that."
"Go drool somewhere else, Pete," Remus said irritably. "Didn't you say you were going to try and shag Susan Crowley tonight, anyway?"
"Right you are, mate," he said cheerfully, grabbing two bottles of butterbeer from the makeshift bar Sirius and James had set up near the windows where Remus was sulking. "Wish me luck."
He winked before wading into the growing crowd of partygoers, but Remus's attention was already back on the staircase.
"Mind if I join you?" Sirius said, sidling up next to him and filling his own glass with firewhiskey. "James is caught up with Lily and Marlene keeps trying to corner me for a dance – stubborn woman. I ended things with her weeks ago, how can she not take a hint?"
Remus grunted in lieu of responding, but this seemed acceptable to Sirius, who only tossed back a shot without so much as a grimace. Their little spot was garnering the attention of several people, mostly girls, who were eyeing Sirius appreciatively, but it was a small wonder. Sirius had always been the most handsome, and the black sheet he'd decorated with lightning bolts and tied around himself only enhanced his lordly features and toned physique. Remus turned away from the stares, glancing back up to the staircase and choking on his firewhiskey when he saw Piper.
He had to do a double-take, for surely the woman he was seeing couldn't be real, but she was, and she was unmistakably Piper. The slip of a dress she wore was the same shade as her eyes, but the material was so light and thin that he could see the color of her skin underneath, and he suddenly felt quite hot. Her black curls were twisted elegantly down her back and a crown of roses rested on her brow, giving her a heavenly appearance, and what liquid courage he'd had before vanished at the sight of her.
Sirius was staring at her, as well, his expression amused, but there was a look in his eye Remus had seen many times before as he called out to her. "Looks like my wish was granted, after all, Everlark!"
Piper looked around, her eyes scanning the crowd before landing on Remus and Sirius by the bar. Remus hastily grabbed a bottle of butterbeer and began drinking it as she approached them, gazing at Sirius wryly.
"Put your eyes back in your sockets, Sirius," she said. "And get me a drink while you're at it."
Sirius smirked, busying himself with getting her a drink, and Piper turned to Remus, smiling.
"Let me guess," she said, her stare traveling up and down his body while he did the same to her, his gaze lingering on the area between her stomach and collarbone before he looked away just as she met his eyes. "Either you're a very boring god or not one at all," she concluded, and he chuckled.
"I'm Remus," he admitted, and she laughed.
"Like the founder of Rome?" she asked, and she snorted when he nodded. "Very original."
"I thought so," he said as she accepted the goblet of firewhiskey from Sirius and took a hearty gulp, shuddering at the taste before nodding in approval.
"You ready for a dance, Pipes?" Sirius asked her, and she grinned.
"Only if Remus joins us," she said wickedly. "You in?"
Remus thought that he would gladly do anything for her if she kept looking at him that way, but before he could articulate a reply, she had already swept him off to the area that was serving as a makeshift dance floor, and he only hoped he'd gotten enough to drink as they joined the crowd.
I felt like I'd been dancing for hours, but in reality, we'd only gotten through four or five songs that had been playing on the wireless. I wasn't nearly as drunk as I wanted to be, but I'd kept dancing for Remus, who was sufficiently buzzed and currently seemed to be having the time of his life.
He and Sirius had dominated the dance floor, jumping around and slamming into each other and singing horribly off-key to every song that came on, but watching them be complete idiots had lightened my mood considerably since I'd joined the party. Dorcas, Becca, Emmeline, Peter, James, Lily, and the other girls had found their way over to us as the music went on, but finally, I had to break away from the crowd and stumble to the bar, sweaty and disheveled but happier than I'd been in weeks.
It was wonderful to forget about my train wreck of a life, if only for a little while. I'd kept an eye out for Archie, but I knew it'd be a slim chance of finding him at the party. He'd always been a bit of a recluse, and crowds weren't his thing. I mulled over another glass of firewhiskey, debating if I should slip away upstairs and see if he was hiding in his dorm, but before I could make up my mind, Remus was leaning on the bar beside me, reaching for another bottle of butterbeer.
"You all right?" I asked as he fumbled with the top, but he only shot me a grin that had me pushing away all thoughts of Archie.
"Never been better," he replied. "You?"
I dangled my glass in front of me, letting the firewhiskey slosh against the sides tantalizingly. "A couple more of these bad boys and I reckon I'll feel greater than I ever have."
He threw his head back and laughed, and my eyebrows shot up at how loud it was as several people turned in our direction. I couldn't help smiling, though; seeing Remus Lupin tipsy was probably in my top five Favorite Things of All Time list.
"I've missed you, Pipes," he said, slinging an arm around my shoulders and pulling me into his side. My heart skipped several beats, but I only smiled up at him indulgently. "Oh?"
He nodded, taking another swig of butterbeer and leaning closer so I could hear him over the music. "Best friends forever," he said solemnly. "That's what we are."
"Er, yeah." I tried not to read too much into that, but it was hard. "Best friends forever."
He squinted at me, and I chugged some more firewhiskey to escape his scrutiny.
"You're like a burnt marshmallow, y'know?" he said suddenly. "Unappealing and scary on the outside, but soft and gooey on the inside?"
I stared at him, not knowing whether I should be flattered or offended, or if he was just drunk.
"Well, I'll give you this, Lupin," I said finally, opting for my safest bet of sarcasm and praying he was just joking. "You sure know how to charm the ladies."
He grinned, and a jolt of energy jumped down my spine as I realized this was it. This was the moment I could spill it all to him and put my heart out on the table. I opened my mouth, hoping I wouldn't throw up as he looked at me expectantly.
"Remus, I—"
"OI, MOONY!"
James's shout from the dance floor drowned out my voice, and we both turned to see the bespectacled boy waving at us.
"Get over here!" he called. "Lily's gonna show us this song called Prancing Queen – it's a Muggle thing—"
"It's Dancing Queen, idiot," I muttered under my breath, annoyed that he had interrupted us, but Remus turned back to me excitedly.
"Wanna go?" he said, gesturing to the dance floor, but I shook my head, suddenly not in the mood to dance.
"I need a few more drinks in my system before anyone can get me to dance to ABBA," I said, forcing a smile.
He seemed disappointed for a brief moment, but when I blinked, it was gone. He set down his bottle and waded back into the crowd, shouting, "I'll see you later!"
I waved half-heartedly before downing the rest of my firewhiskey and his butterbeer for good measure. I was just reaching for an unopened bottle of firewhiskey when Sirius materialized before me, his face and exposed chest shining with sweat and lending him an ethereal glow, which I found quite ironic.
"Save some for the rest of us, Pipes," he teased, snagging the bottle from my fingers and opening it with a small pop. "There're some thirsty people tonight."
"I'm not drunk enough," I said, holding out my hand expectantly as he poured me another drink and handed me the glass.
He grinned, topping off his own before leaning on the bar next to me. "That's my motto every day," he quipped.
I didn't answer him, knocking back as much of the firewhiskey as I could without gagging. It was nasty stuff, but it did the job, and I'd rather forget about what I had just tried to tell Remus than sip on butterbeer like some sissy.
"You're awfully quiet tonight," he said, bumping my shoulder with his. "What's wrong?"
"What's not wrong?" I said sarcastically, though my eyes sought Remus in the throng of dancers, finding him dancing with Lily, James, and Marlene McKinnon.
Sirius followed my gaze, and I cringed as his eyes lit up in understanding. "Ah. Trying to gather up the courage to tell our furry friend how you really feel about him?" When I started speaking, he cut me off. "Don't try and deny it, Piper. James told me everything already."
I gave him a disgusted look. "Is there anything you two don't share?"
He sipped from his drink, pondering. "Girls. Underwear. Shampoo. But that's about it."
I shook my head, glaring down at my drink. "I don't know what I'm doing, Sirius."
"Talk to him," he urged. "Nothing's ever going to happen if you don't tell him how you—"
His last words were drowned out as a rousing cheer came from the dance floor, and we looked to find the absolute last thing I'd ever wanted to see.
Marlene McKinnon was wrapped around Remus, snogging him as if her life depended on it while everyone around them cheered and whistled. I tore my eyes away from the dreadful scene, feeling like I'd just been sucker punched. I looked at Sirius, but his expression was stony as he stared at the snogging pair, and a muscle in his jaw was twitching. At my gaze, however, he grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the boys' staircase.
Everyone was too transfixed on Remus and Marlene to pay us any attention, and Sirius practically yanked me up the stairs and through a door until we were standing in the semi-silence of what I presumed to be the Marauders' dormitory. The music sounded half a world away up here, and it wasn't until all the people and noise were removed that I realized I was crying.
"I'm sorry, Piper," Sirius said, looking at me pityingly. "It's my fault you had to see that – I broke things off with Marlene a few weeks ago and this must've been her way of getting back at me – trying to hurt me—" He scoffed, shaking his head and running a hand through his hair in agitation.
"I was going to tell him tonight," I said in disbelief. "I was going to tell him how I felt, Sirius. But he – he kissed her back."
I clamped my mouth shut, knowing if I said anything more I'd probably break down completely. Sirius was upset as he looked back at me, but I realized he was upset for me, not for himself.
I felt strangely empty now, and there was a buzzing in my head that could be contributed to either alcohol or shock at what I'd just witnessed – or both. I shook my head, leaning back against the footboard of one of their beds; most likely Sirius's, going off all the posters of Muggle girls plastered around the headboard.
"Why'd you bring me here?" I asked, tracing my fingers over the scarlet duvet and trying to distract myself from having to think about Remus and Marlene's lips locked together.
He shrugged, coming over and sitting beside me. "It was the first place I could think of to get you away from all that. Sorry; I should've thought this through a bit more."
"You're fine," I said, keeping my eyes on his bed and not letting them stray to the others – to Remus's. "Thank you. For, ah, helping me escape, I guess."
He chuckled softly, patting my knee. "Don't worry about it. Feel free to stay for as long as you'd like."
I didn't answer, focused on the hand that was on my knee. The initial shock at what I'd seen was subsiding into anger, a sudden urge to make Remus hurt as badly as I was. Sirius made to move his hand and stand up, but I reached out and kept him there, the buzzing in my head growing louder and shriller all the while.
He looked down at me, questioning, but when I moved his hand to rest on my thigh, he understood my intentions clearly.
"Piper," he said, clearing his throat. "I don't think…ah…" He trailed off, glancing between my face and my hand doubtfully, but the buzzing continued, drowning out all other thoughts as I pushed his hand higher, his fingers grazing my upper thigh.
"Are you sure?" he said tightly. "After everything…Aubrey…"
"I'm tired," I said, keeping my hand on his and my gaze locked on his face. "I'm tired of being the weak little girl who gets pushed around by other people. I'm tired of seeing myself as a shell of someone I used to know. If this is a step toward reclaiming myself, then so be it."
His throat bobbed, but I knew I had him hooked just from the way his eyes roved over me hungrily.
"But Remus—" he said, already leaning closer.
"—Doesn't have to know," I finished before closing the rest of the distance between us.
It was shocking, how easy it was to fall into him. Sirius was solid and sturdy and obviously experienced from the way his lips assumed control over mine, pushing his tongue past them and capturing me in a sweltering wave as he pressed me back onto his bed. I sucked on his tongue when it reentered my mouth, biting down lightly and mentally patting myself on the back when he groaned, digging his hips into mine and filling me with a surge of heat I hadn't experienced in months.
I'd forgotten how good it felt to be touched, when permission was given, when it was consensual, and I clung to him tighter, savoring this feeling, reveling in the notion that this was my body, that this was my choice, that I finally felt in control of myself again. I was no longer spiraling, falling freely through empty air – I was grounded in myself, in the knowledge that I was real, in the sense of self I'd been looking for, for so long.
Sirius moved from my mouth to my neck, his lips leaving a tingling pattern of warmth as he continued down between my breasts, over my stomach. The sheer material of my dress meant I could feel his breath on my skin, hot and heavy, as he went further still, and I arched my back as his hands began to push my dress up, his fingers skimming over my calves, my thighs, my hips, until his head was between my legs, and I shivered when his breath hit me, for I hadn't bothered to put on panties before the party, hoping that I would be in this same position, but with someone else entirely.
When Sirius didn't immediately dive in, I squirmed on the bed, looking down and seeing him staring at me already. His eyes were dark with lust, only making me wetter, but there was a strange expression on his face.
"What?" I demanded.
His eyes flicked between mine and the vagina that was quite literally staring him in the face before he let go of my legs and sat back, sighing.
"This was a bad idea, Pipes," he said, shaking his head. "It's not right. I won't do anything with you when you have feelings for Remus. He's our friend, no matter how stupid he is sometimes."
I scrambled into a sitting position, yanking my dress back down and glaring at him, but he continued before I could say anything.
"I won't let you use me to give you another reason to hate yourself – trust me, I know how that feels," he said, chuckling darkly, and I gaped at him, feeling like I'd been punched in the gut for the second time that night. "You're strong, Piper. You'll find a way to overcome everything. You always do." He smiled sadly. "I'm not the one you need, much less want."
He slipped off the bed while I stared at him, stunned into silence. He opened his trunk and grabbed something out of it before tossing it to me. I caught it, dazed, and unfolded an old Pink Floyd shirt.
"You can sleep in here tonight," he said, shutting his trunk and seemingly unfazed that moments ago he had been ready to eat me out. "I'll try to keep everyone from bothering you, so you can have some time to think."
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"Back to the party." He smirked. "Sorry, Pipes; as much as I'd have loved to, I'm loyal to Remus first. Plus, I'd hate to steal you away from him – women tend to fall for me once they've experienced a night in bed with me, and we can't have that."
He winked, and just like that, he was gone, leaving me alone in the Marauders' dormitory.
I sat for a long time before even attempting to move, and when I did, it felt like I was in someone else's skin. I shed the crown and dress and pulled on Sirius's shirt before crawling under his sheets, bewildered by everything that had happened in the last thirty minutes. I almost fucked Sirius Black. I'd been willing to sleep with him because Remus had snogged another girl, and suddenly I was disgusted with myself. Not only did I not see Sirius in that way at all, but I'd let Remus get to my head when I shouldn't have. I was Piper fucking Everlark. I did not pine after men, and I most certainly did not sleep with my crush's best friend like some petty bitch because I hadn't gotten what I wanted.
If Remus didn't want me, that was fine. But Merlin smite me on the spot if I ever degraded myself like that again.
It was a good thought process, in my opinion, but it still didn't keep me from bawling myself to sleep that night.
As always, let me know what you thought!
Until next time!