Chapter Three:
As he sat there in the dirt, Jimmy's head swam with confusion and hurt. He probably should have expected that type of reaction, but he had been wholly unprepared for the coldness in Lou's response to him. It left him feeling shaken and disoriented.
The only rational thing to do in this moment would be to heed her warning, mount Sundance, and ride out. But Jimmy guessed he had never been the most sensible of men, and he had too much to lose to turn tail and run now. Seeing Lou again had reminded him of that much.
Instead, he took Sundance by the reins and led her into the barn in the deepening darkness. After seeing to her needs, he went in search of the tack room that Teaspoon had called home for the duration of their time at the Sweetwater station. In the dim light that remained, he found it much as he imagined Teaspoon had left it. A few layers of dust had minimal effect on the already primitive space. There was no longer a mattress on the bunk, but Jimmy gave it little thought. He was suddenly too exhausted to care much for where he laid his head for the night, and he had certainly had worse accommodations over the years. He grabbed an old saddle blanket that had been discarded in the corner, laid down on the roughhewn wood, and fell immediately into a fitful sleep.
When he awoke the next morning, Jimmy was disoriented, and it took him a moment to get his bearings. Once he did, he was consumed by a looming sense of dread. Perhaps if he could get to Kid, they could hash things out between them. Even when they had come to blows in the past, they had always been able to shake hands in the end and move past their differences. He knew those differences were weightier now than they had been when they were younger, but surely they weren't insurmountable.
As he left the barn in the early morning light, he found Lou feeding and watering the horses in the corral. He saw that she had brought Sundance from her stall and allowed her to mingle with Lightning and Katy. Sundance nickered softly and stuck her nose over the fence in response to his appearance. Jimmy absently stroked her muzzle as he appraised the situation. Lou did not look up from her task when he approached.
"You're still here." It wasn't a question.
"Lou, please. Just let me…"
"I got nothin' to say to you that you want to hear. I'm not askin'. I want you gone."
"Lou, let me talk to Kid. We can work this out. We've all been through so much together. Faced down worse odds than this. I care about both of you too much to just walk away." He hated himself for the desperate pleading that he couldn't keep out of his voice.
"I'm afraid that's not possible."
"He can't just refuse to see me. He's not that much of a coward. Make him come out and talk to me, Lou. Please."
"You can't talk to him, because he ain't here." Her tone was hollow and distant.
At this, Jimmy's head came up, and she met his eyes with a defiant stare.
"What do you mean, Lou?"
"You heard me. He ain't here. Now, please, just go."
She turned to walk away, but he grabbed her arm. "What do you mean, he ain't here? Lou, if that bastard took you away from us and then left you, I swear to God that I'll..."
She wrenched her arm from his grasp and whirled on him with anger humming in her veins.
"How dare you speak to me that way!" she spat. "He ain't here because he's dead! Satisfied?"
Jimmy rocked back as if he'd been punched in the gut. The realization was like a lightning bolt through his body. It had never even occurred to him that Lou could be there without Kid. The two had been such a force, a matched pair almost from the beginning.
The reality of her words was more painful than he could imagine. Kid was gone. Jimmy would never have a chance to make amends, to repair the breach that had opened up between them. His grief would pale in comparison to what Lou was feeling. And she had borne it all alone, behind enemy lines and far away from the only family she knew.
His heart broke for her and her shattered dreams. All he had ever wanted was for her to be happy, and she stood before him now, cold and angry.
"I ain't leavin' you, Lou. I don't care what you say. You can't rebuild this place alone. I'm stayin'."
"Suit yourself. But stay outta my way. I didn't ask for your help, and I don't need it. I don't need anybody!" With that, she turned and stalked into the barn, leaving him alone at the fence rail.
Jimmy steeled himself for what was to come. He wouldn't abandon her again, not now. No matter how much she raged. A more stubborn woman he'd never met, so he knew it would be a long road to regaining her trust, to tearing down the walls of resentment she had built.
But he knew she was worth the effort. And perhaps there would be healing in it for him too. Only time would tell.