Too late

Bridgerton Season 3

Polin

Penelope and Colin Kiss, she tells him she is LW, and then he dreams of all the ways she could marry someone else, all the ways he could lose her and be too late. Some of the chapters will be borderline ridiculous, but they are nightmares, not meant to be reality.

I should warn you, Colin will suffer in those dreams.

You will know he is dreaming because he goes to bed before (it is mentioned) and it is mentioned when he wakes up.

Some of them will be shorter than others, but I will try my best to make it good. I hope you will like it.

Colin was standing in front of Penelope and he was amazed at how beautiful she looked in the moon light. He waited until Rae, her maid, left them alone and he explained that he had paid her so that she'd leave them alone. Then he told Penelope the truth: that he was worried for her after reading the latest Lady Whistledown issue and that he wanted to check on her.

"She's beastly to write such things." he shook his head, angry at the author and he watched Pen smile sadly, shaking her head.

"No, she is not. It is her job to report on what everyone is saying. She did not have a choice but to write it."

"Even if that is true, she did not have to be so mean about it! The things she wrote!" He shook his head again, showing his anger.

"It is what everyone thinks and believe Colin. Cressida, my own mother, my sisters, Eloise, the entire ton thinks that I am a sad, stupid, pathetic girl for thinking I could ever find love. An insipid wallflower who should have stayed on the wall. I had no choice but to print it." She replied, suddenly realizing what she had said.

"You?" he asked, looking her in the eyes, not hiding his surprise.

"I might as well tell you everything, it is not like I have much to lose now. Yes, Colin, I am Lady Whistledown." She replied softly, waiting for his anger.

Of course Colin wanted to let his anger explode but Penelope looked so defeated, so sad. She truly believed that she had nothing left to lose, she he braced himself and tried to hold his anger back.

"But... All the things you wrote about yourself, about Miss Tompson, Eloise... Me?" he asked.

His voice let a bit of his anger out, but he did his best to reign it in and it made Penelope smile at him.

"I can explain everything. What I wrote about you at the beginning of the season... You have to admit that you were behaving very differently from your usual self. I just wanted you back. The Colin that I know and love. Kind, sweet, sometimes excitable Colin. Not this cold and stoic version of yourself who seemed to care for no one and need nothing. I was just trying to show you that the real you was better than what you were showing. I was trying to subtly let you know that you do not have to change yourself to fit into what you think society expects you to be. Being yourself is good enough for the people that count in your life. Being truly yourself is always the best you can be."

She did not give him time to answer or react to the part where she admitted to loving him, she kept on talking.

"As for Eloise, well, she got herself in trouble with the Queen and printing this was the only way to protect her and your whole family. You see, the Queen saw her leaving your brother's failed wedding and she was followed to the printer's shop. The Queen concluded that Eloise had to be Lady Whistledown and she was angry because just the year before Eloise told the queen that she could not find out who the Author was. The Queen believed Eloise had betrayed her, lied to her. She was already angry at your family because of Anthony and that fact that the wedding did not happen when she had organized everything, she took that as a personal failure... So she threatened your entire family. Eloise kept the secret, never telling anyone in your family. Even then, she kept on going to see Mister Sharpe. I did consider going to see the Queen, to tell her that I was Lady Whistledown but she would not have believed me. I was Eloise's best friend, she would have just believed that I was trying to protect my friend and any evidence I brought I could have taken from Eloise. I did not have time to find another solution. It was the only way I had to protect your entire family. And writing that she was going for Mister Sharpe's radical publications was far less damning to her than writing that she was going for the writer himself. She's furious at me because of this, was very cruel to me in voicing her anger, but she does not realize that if someone like Cressida Cowper had been Lady Whistledown, she would have gone further and described the numerous times Eloise went to see him unchaperoned and stayed with him. Then she'd still be shamed and her sisters would have been ruined along with her. I did what I had to in order to protect your family, and I lost my only and best friend in the process." Penelope explained.

Colin's anger calmed down. Of course. Penelope had protected his family. Unlike Penelope, he did not think that Eloise was angry at what had been written but rather at the fact that Penelope proved that she was smarter than her, more talented and much braver.

"As for Marina... Had my wish been to ruin her, I would have written it much sooner, as soon as my mama told everyone that she had taken ill. You know, I was her only friend in that house, the only one to be kind to her, I brought her cake and sweets when my mama isolated her. I pleaded with her times and times again not to use you, especially if she did not love you, because you deserved to be with someone who loved you. Truly. She mocked me and my feelings for you. Calling them a childish unrequited fantasy. Still I did not print it, because I am used to being mocked and humiliated in my own home. Even when you got engaged, I did not print it. I pleaded with her one more time, and she still refused to tell you the truth, instead she tried to push the wedding closer. Then I tried to talk to you, remember? At the engagement party. I started telling you about her love, George, but you did not let me finish. And then you were let her convince you that running away with her to get married sooner was the best option. I knew that I would not be able to speak to you again about this, and even if I did, you would not hear me. Lady Whistledown was my only way to be heard by you. Lady Whistledown is the only way I have to truly have a voice, to be heard, to feel like I have value and that I am more than an insipid wallflower." She explained.

"You must not call yourself that!" He shook his head.

"Why not? Eloise did." Penelope replied, making him frown.

"You know, your letters where always the ones I was most eager to read... now that I think about it... yes... it makes sense. But why do you write so many bad things about your family?" he added, not showing any sign of anger.

"Because it is the only way for me to have a voice, to tell my mother what I cannot tell her otherwise. This is why I started Lady Whistledown, because living in this house, I do not feel like I have worth, I do not have a voice... I am always mocked, for everything. You know that I have no memory of my mother ever hugging me or telling me that she loves me? She is capable of it, I saw her say and do it with my sisters, but not me. making me feel my entire life like I was truly unlovable... Even in my friendship with Eloise I never truly had a voice... My thoughts never mattered, it was always all about hers. Her opinion, her ideas... I never had a voice with her either and she never noticed anything important about me, never noticed when i was sad or had a problem unless I actually told her in obvious words... Lady Whistledown is my way of expressing myself, and protecting myself from my mother... My mother and sisters do not love me, I know that, they have never shown any kind of love or respect for me, but at least they do not take it too far for fear of Whistledown finding out about it. She protects me." Penelope replied.

"I am sorry, Pen... I wish there was something I could do to help you." he whispered, desperate to do anything to help her, in any way.

"Would you kiss me?" She asked him in a voice so quiet he was not sure he had heard her well.

"What?" He asked, surprised.

He had definitely not been expecting this. This was something he had forced himself not to think about, because she was his friend and one should not think this way of a friend, right? Anthony certainly never dreamt of kissing his best friend, but then again, Anthony's best friend was Simon, Duc of Hastings.

"It would not have to mean anything, but I am nearly on the shelf and I have never been kissed. I do not think I ever will be now and I do not want to die without having ever been kissed." She explained, desperation in her voice.

"Pen..." he replied, trying to find arguments as to why they could not, but unable to voice any.

"Please." She pleaded and he nodded, Unable to resist her plea.

He walked closer and, softly, they exchanged a kiss.

At first it was just a peck on the lips, their lips brushing softly and she looked up into his eyes after. They were still so close to each other and it was not enough for Colin, who pulled her in for a second, deeper kiss. It was everything he had wanted his entire life. A deep connection, the softness of her lips, feeling so perfect against his. His hand went to brush the skin of her cheek softly and, all too soon, they pulled apart.

Penelope did not look into his eyes this time, instead she pulled away, letting his hand fall from her cheek as she slowly pulled away.

"Thank you." She whispered in a small voice before she ran away inside her house.

Colin watched her run away, not quite understanding how everything could have been so perfect one minute and so empty the next.

He slowly walked back to his own house, thinking about what had happened. Penelope was Lady Whistledown. She had feelings for him at some point but he did not know if she still had them. He definitely had feelings for her but he was not sure what they were. he felt protective of her, of course, but that always been. he found her extremely pretty, of course, and now he also found that he wanted to kiss her again.

Also he was confused about other aspect of their friendship now. She was a published writer, renown all over Mayfair. He only dreamt of being published one day but did not feel like it would ever happen. Pen had complimented his writing before but now he felt unworthy because she was the greatest Author of the Ton. And he was envious of her success and talent.

"Colin? Is everything alright, dearest?" His mother asked him when he walked back home.

She was still up, Eloise by her side.

"Yes, I am fine. I just went to see Penelope." he nodded.

"At this hour?" Eloise exclaimed in a judging tone and Colin only glared at her, not answering.

"How is she doing?" Their mother asked him, concerned.

"Not too well for now, but she will be fine, she always is." Colin replied, still glaring at Eloise.

"It was not my fault!" Eloise exclaimed.

"You are the one who befriended Cressida Cowper and thought that you could trust her in the first place, Eloise. Without your intervention the story of me helping Pen would have never gone out and she would be happier. It is your fault Eloise. And you have NO REASON to be angry at Penelope. I know the full truth of what happened between you two, she has told me everything. Admit it, you are only jealous of her, of her talent, of her courage." Colin snapped at his sister.

"What is going on with you two?" Violet asked and Eloise did not answer.

Colin did.

He guided his mother, who pulled Eloise along with her, to his study, and once there, with the door closed, he told her about Penelope being Lady Whistledown and why she had written what she did about Eloise the previous year. Of course Violet was shocked. Shocked, but not angry at Penelope. Eloise is the one she was angry about, because, why did she not warn them? How could she be so careless and not tell her family about the danger from the Queen's threats? How dare she blame Penelope for her own mistakes and carelessness?

Colin smiled when his mother stated that they were lucky that Penelope intervened and saved them, because those the Queen get angry at rarely make it back into society.

"Pen does not know that I told you, mother, I..." Colin declared, looking for his words.

"Do not worry, Colin dearest, I will not tell anyone and I will not tell her that I know until she tells me. She's an amazing young woman, Penelope. I do hope she finds the happiness she is looking for." Violet replied with a smile.

"Seriously? She a vile person, writing trash about everyone." Eloise protested.

"I believe you are just jealous of her talent, of the bravery she has shown by doing this on her own, without the help of anyone. She only writes what everyone is talking about, even when it is about her or her own family. She actually shields our family whenever she can and you know that. And you might be too stuck in your own head to realize it, but she helps change things. When she write about how someone fired their staff for a silly reason, she exposes it and others try not to do it, because they do not want to feel the shame of it. Maybe you should start thinking about other people instead of being concentrated on yourself only. The very fact that you befriended this vile Miss Cowper is proof that you wanted to hurt Pen and I will never forgive you for this." Colin snapped.

"Eloise, you will go to your room and think about this. And try to imagine what someone like your new friend Miss Cowper would have written about you last season instead of Penelope, then maybe you will understand how lucky you were that she cared about you." Violet snapped before Eloise stormed off.

Violet hugged her son and left him to his thoughts with a smile.

Colin went to bed that night, happy and confident that things would go well from now on. Of course he was envious of Penelope's talent and of her success and it was easier to be angry at Eloise than it was to face the truth, but he would face the truth eventually. He would accept it.

.

That night, Colin dreamt of Penelope, her hair down, in the moonlight, waiting for him in a beautiful nightgown. She was waiting for him to join her and he truly tried, but he could never reach her. He tried screaming that he was coming, that he would be right there, but no voice was coming out of his mouth. He could see Penelope growing sad, thinking that he had lied, that he was abandoning her.

So he tried to run faster and faster but he never moved even an inch. He tried pulling his arms out in front of him to grab her, give her a sign, but they would not move.

Then, after what felt like hours of trying to reach her, she shook her head and, as she turned away, sad, he could see tears running down her cheeks. He had made her sad again.

"Goodbye, Mister Bridgerton." She stated in a broken voice, looking at him.

"Wait for me, Pen, I am coming!" he managed to pleaded.

"It is far too late now." She replied before she closed the door in his face.

Then he was back into Pen's first season out, at the dinner to celebrate his engagement to Marina and he was forced to see, now more clearly than ever, how sad Penelope had been.

And then Marina and Penelope were alone in a room and he heard Marina telling Penelope horrible things, mocking her and he was standing there, unable to defend her, fight for her.

The next moment he was announcing his engagement to Marina and he was forced to see Penelope's face fall, sadness taking it over while Marina smiled triumphantly.

Scene after scene unfolding in front of him, Colin saw how much he had hurt Penelope, made her suffer many times. Each time he tried to make it better but there was nothing that he could do.

Colin woke up in his bed, in sweats, feeling like he had spent all night running after Penelope. It took him a minute to remember that it had all been just a dream and that none of it had happened.

Except it did happen, he had hurt her when he got engaged to Marina and that was not only part of a dream, this was reality. She believed that she was unlovable, because of her mother, sure, but he certainly did not help prevent it either. He had to find a way to show her that she was, indeed, loveable.

Here is the first chapter, I hope you liked it. Each chapter, in each bad dreams he has, I will try to teach him a lesson, or use it to make him understand something. And if we can have fun doing it, while not?

Review please, I try to answer to all of them.

I will update once I receive a few review.

Lorelei Candice Black