"Thinking back on what went wrong,
everything had clearly been my fault,
But I could never say the words I wanted to say,
that I have always, always been thinking of you,"
-sister, Eve
Two of the rooms were full of contributions.
Padded boxes full of vials that Sasori would've liked. Nets with still-alive animals in them.
Crabs, Naga had told me, then got exasperated when I wouldn't call them that.
And then the boat had lurched and it made him sick. Yahiko was probably still laughing at him.
Mei, Chojuro, and Ao had wordlessly separated into the other room.
The third room we weren't supposed to use, because it'd only be empty until they stopped again.
Hidan was inside, using a bar on the wall to do pull-ups.
I closed the door, looking at his cloak and headband, left on a heap on the floor.
He didn't acknowledge me, and I walked to the small, round window on the other side of the room.
It was day, but it was impossible to tell through the mist.
"It's weird, you being quiet," I thought aloud.
He didn't answer, covered in sweat, and I watched water drown the view as the boat cut through a wave. It didn't bob as much as a small boat—
And even small didn't seem like a small enough word compared to this boat.
—but when it lurched, you could feel it all the way down to your feet.
It was why Yahiko wasn't sick, but Naga was.
I still thought small boats were worse.
"Are there red-lantern places like that in Yugakure?" I asked.
No answer. The water was so blue that it made the waters around Fire seem green.
"Or in warm water," I said.
Hidan stopped, hanging for another second before he dropped down.
"Fuck that island and fuck that place."
It had a name, maybe, but Hidan would probably throw himself off the boat sooner than he'd say it.
"I was waiting," he began, running his hand through his hair. "For that bitch to ask me what she asked that red-headed bastard, so I had an excuse to slit her throat."
"What makes her one?"
It was a few seconds before he said, "You don't put a price on people. Even suggesting that shit pisses me off."
I looked back at him. He was looking away.
"Did they put a price on you in warm water?" I asked.
"What? Fuck no."
"Your mom?"
Hidan didn't answer. He glared at the wall.
I fully turned around. "Did they want to put a price on you?"
"Shut up," he said, "How the fuck would I know? I'm not thinking about that. Didn't matter after the demon shit, anyway." He grinned at me, wry and a little too-wide, but I didn't smile back, and he lost it.
"Your dad?" I asked.
"Warm water only ever got me to give a shit about one person. Made it easy, since I took after her," he said, then added, "I wasn't born in a place like that. She didn't want that for me. But we still needed money, and her knee got fucked up on some mission that forced her to retire."
I watched him grin again, watched him wipe sweat off his face, staring at the wall.
"Her body got fucked up for that shithole, and those heathens didn't help her once. They deserved every bit of their holy slaughter."
I hummed.
there was a price and she paid it, because she was dead.
"Is Takkao your dad?" I asked.
Hidan stopped, hand in his hair, looking at me like I'd lost my mind. He came closer and asked, "When did you meet Takkao?"
"He wouldn't let us into Yugakure," I answered. "But he didn't call you a demon."
Hidan looked quickly away, releasing a breath through his teeth like what I'd said annoyed him. He stopped in front of me and said, "He's not my fucking dad. But—" he stopped, scrubbing his hair harder. "That shithead worked with him. Until he went and died while I was fucking around in Suisai."
I looked at him and couldn't tell how he felt about it.
"They said I was MIA because I was gone for so long, the bastards," he said like I'd asked, leaning on the wall, still not looking at me.
And then—
And then he leaned down and kissed me.
He pulled back a second later, finally looking at me, seeing my non-reaction, and his pupils shrunk.
"Fuck," he said.
He'd tasted like salt.
He turned away, dragging his hands down his face. "Fuck," he said again, and I didn't tell him that I'd never kissed anyone before, or that I never learned what to do when anyone did.
Hidan tilted his head back, hands over his face again, and I didn't tell him that his lips had been warm.
I turned around, watching water splash the window as Hidan hissed curses through his teeth and I asked my reflection, "What if I don't know what to do next?"
Hidan stopped. He came back, studying me as he leaned on the wall again. I didn't look at him, and he seemed to realize something.
"You're more fucked in the head than me," he said, like it seriously concerned him.
I watched the ocean, unable to look him in the eye. "You're still hiding your headband," I pointed out.
He tapped his knuckles on the wall. "I don't fucking know either," he answered, ignoring what I'd said.
I still didn't look at him as I asked, "Do you still want to kiss me?"
Hidan ignored that too. It was silent, until he eventually asked, "Where the fuck did that scar on your arm come from?"
It was hidden by my sleeve, but obvious when I wore anything shorter, starting from the bottom of my palm to my elbow. It was a faded pink, not as angry or as big as when Hanako saw it, but I didn't think it would get smaller. It looked like a burn, like the jagged edges were from water hastily being thrown on skin that was on fire, with only the thought of putting it out and not being careful about it, like it meant I'd fought outside my village like Hidan had.
When people saw it, they probably didn't think that it was a burn that first started under my skin. They probably saw the unblemished skin of the back of my hand and arm and thought, she got lucky.
"Are you fucking daydreaming?" Hidan asked, squinting at me.
They couldn't tell or see that when I pushed or pulled for too long, my hand went numb.
"Someone took pity on me once and he died for it," I finally said, looking at the scar.
Hidan eyed me and said, "Some cloud bastard got me good in the back way before I proved myself to Lord Jashin—" he gestured with his other hand at the lower part of his back covered by his pants, "—and the scar still itches when I think that those heathens might not have been given to some other god yet—"
"Hidan."
He looked at me.
"Shut up."
He blinked. "Screw you," he said incredulously, but didn't move away.
言葉
300168
Maho of Iwagakure, Black Hands Maho
IW-06465. approx. 147 cm at time of registration.
The sketch Konohagakure had for him was old and faded. He looked around eleven or twelve. His brown hair was long, pulled into a tight ponytail, and he was expressionless.
known skill in fire-style ninjutsu.
He never grew his hair longer than his ears, and now I knew why.
B-rank.
In his picture his freckles were tiny dots on his nose and hadn't spread to his cheeks yet.
70,000,000 bounty; condition: alive, limbs intact.
A crate filled with oil bottles from Kobutsu rattled a little as the boat bobbed through a wave. Another, carried on the day before from Muki, was tightly packed with newly made shuriken, kunai, and senbon.
Yahiko, on the floor between the crates and the wall, idly threw a wallet up and caught it, watching a lantern on a hook on the ceiling tilt with the boat. "Did you know Gushiken's first name is Yamamori?"
I hummed to show I'd heard him, leaning on the wall in the corner by his feet, and turned the page.
000000-299999 weren't in the bingo book.
They were in another, probably, for only leaf-nin and their missing-nin.
300398.
Hidan of Yugakure, Demon of Hot Water
approx. 176 cm.
He was drawn with a wide grin.
known skill in kenjutsu.
S rank.
Yahiko pulled a card from the wallet and held it above him. "According to his registration card, he's a patrol-nin stationed in Nankai. Makes you wonder how long it takes to become one."
20,508,113 bounty.
"He could've been promoted during the war, then sent there after his eye," I pointed out. "No one asked what happened to it."
Yahiko stuffed it and the wallet in his pouch and laced his hands behind his head. "How they did it and what they did to do it doesn't mean much. I was hoping it'd give me a hint on how long they were planning this," he said. "If you're looking for Mamoru-sensei he's five-hundred-thousand ninety-six."
I looked.
The 500,000's started at 500,028, and skipped a number or two, or sometimes four and five, holes between entries where the dead had been.
500,063
Etsudo of Amegakure, Red Water Etsudo.
approx. 173 cm.
Her picture was at least fifteen or twenty years old and faded like Maho's. She had a long dark braid over her shoulder and pointed at her headband with her thumb.
If I were a leaf-nin, it'd tell me about her personality and the pride she used to have in her village.
known skill in water-style ninjutsu, taijutsu.
Now, she only kept her hair long enough to tie out of her face.
Her drawing was lightly colored in, and she didn't have tired bags under her eyes.
A rank.
11,000,000 bounty.
"Kisame Hoshigaki, huh?" he thought aloud, just to fill the silence. "He has a lot of nicknames. Too many if you ask me—"
"If you picked up genjutsu again, I think you'd be good at it," I told him.
Yahiko paused but didn't say anything.
I didn't remember the excuse he'd given, but no matter what it was, he'd really moved on from genjutsu because Konan loved genjutsu.
He'd loved her, even then, and hadn't wanted to compete with her. He'd already been better at ninjutsu, kenjutsu, and taijutsu.
"I know," he eventually said, waving a hand vaguely at me. "But I'm not the only one. You know, you stopped having an excuse a long time ago too."
Naga had senjutsu and chakra and power, but I'd picked up things quickly. I would've passed her in ninjutsu eventually, because I had the chakra for it, and the way she fought with her paper was to avoid being hit, not to trade blows.
I'd copied Naga without ever knowing it back then, convincing myself that I didn't have the control to do it like he said he didn't.
Even though he was a medic-nin. Even though he had the control to master Sage Mode before he was fifteen.
I only smiled and said, "You'd use it more tactically than I would."
"I don't think Mamoru-sensei has time between all his new students," he said back, laying the nagamaki across his lap. "He told me about the two with missing fingers you dumped on him. And the little girl from the hideout Hidan cleared out. If I add myself to that list, we'll never be able to ask him for anything again."
I lowered the bingo book to look at him. He hadn't needed Mamoru-sensei for a long time.
But his feelings about genjutsu, about Konan, were his own.
And I thought I knew how he felt. It wasn't grief, but some feeling that said it didn't belong to me, but her, and always would.
I was still making excuses on why I couldn't too, after all. I leaned back, holding the book in my lap, and went to another page.
500,096
Mamoru of Amegakure, Illusive Mamoru.
He was older than Etsudo had looked, in his late teens, and half-smiling.
approx. 178 cm.
His black hair was short, like it still was, but he didn't have tired lines around his nose like he did now.
known proficiency in genjutsu.
"Why didn't you steal from Mei, Ao, and Chojuro too?" I asked.
A rank.
8,000,000 bounty.
Yahiko waved a dismissive hand. "Mei, Ao, and Chojuro didn't bump into me," he said, "And I only did it for information, not because I wanted to collect their ninja cards."
"Sure."
"I was out of practice. Haven't done it in years. You should be impressed instead of asking why I didn't rob our clients blind."
I hummed vaguely, closing the book. I couldn't find Joji, but then if I did he wouldn't be a very good assassin.
"Hey, Yahiko?" I asked.
He tilted his head.
"How do you know if you like someone or not?"
Yahiko blinked once, twice, and then unsheathed the nagamaki. "I need to know more before I decide whether to throw Hidan overboard or not."
Was it that obvious?
I laughed.
.
.
.
Standing next to Yahiko, I watched him pull two senbon from his pouch and kneel in front of the cabin door.
The hallway around us was empty.
Still, "If we get caught, I'm blaming you," I told him.
"They're all on Shirubāshī. Now is the only chance I'll have to teach you before we get to Kirigakure," he dismissed, fitting the first senbon in the lock. "Now come down here."
I crouched, watching him insert the second senbon at an angle right below the first.
"First lesson, only use senbon when you don't have another option," he said, wiggling the second senbon as he slowly turned the first. "The locks I'm used to were used on the crates that came from Rice Country. They used pins that—"
"Pins," I repeated.
He paused, then shuffled over. "Here," he said, angling the senbon at me. "This isn't the same type of lock, but it has pins you can feel. It's better to make your own lockpicks out of metal with curved ends than to use these."
I didn't take them, but mused, "If you taught Naga, who taught you?"
Yahiko adjusted his hold, making more room for me to grab them without pricking myself before he said, "My granny. Twenty years or so before I was born, she was a kunoichi," he said. "But, counter-question, have you thought about how you felt since, you know?"
I looked at him.
"Since—" he pulled the first senbon out and waved it wildly at me.
I blinked.
"I can't say it," he said, staring at the ceiling. "I'm trying to give you brotherly advice about a certain Janshinist, while keeping it from Naga, who's better at dealing with his sister who enjoys his suffering—"
"No," I finally admitted, reaching for the senbon—
"W-What are you doing?" Chojuro shouted.
I stopped. I hadn't heard him come down.
He was frozen on the last step, eyes wide. He had Namekuji over his shoulder, and he tried not to show it, but he tensed as Namekuji moved.
No one said anything.
"They stole all the time in Amegakure," Namekuji said helpfully.
Chojuro made a high-pitched noise in his throat.
"I want to keep him," Namekuji told me.
I stood and asked, "Why are you with him?"
Chojuro looked nervous but met my gaze. "I wanted to talk to, um, to ask Nagato about what he said on Nankai," he answered nervously before Namekuji could. "But even though we're stopped, it didn't make him feel better. He gave it, him, Namekuji, to me. I don't know why. I think he went to lay down? He didn't tell me..."
Yahiko quietly disappeared the senbon back in his pouch.
"...but that's not important right now! What were you trying to do?"
"What were we trying to do, Yahiko?" I asked, crossing my arms.
Yahiko scratched his cheek for a while. "I'm fifteen," he finally said.
"What does that have to do with this?" Chojuro spluttered.
"I'm also not a leader of Amegakure, because adults like that don't do this," he said, still scratching his cheek. "I'm a chunin. I'm only here for backup."
I waited, but he didn't say anything else, and I dropped my arms.
"Naga is the real Taiyokage," I told Chojuro. "That's what Mei wanted to know, right?"
Chojuro's eyes widened, but he hesitated, looking between us and the door. "She did, but—"
"What else do you want to know?" I prompted.
Chojuro looked unsure, but couldn't hide his interest. "Fine, I-I can't keep this from Lady Terumi, but I'll try to convince her not to tell Ao. He wouldn't let it go as easily," he explained. "I want to know why your village turned away one of the legendary sanin. Deal?"
Yahiko and I went silent.
"Deal," I eventually said, "But you won't be happy with the truth. The rumors are always better."
言わない
The mist looked heavier at night, like clouds right before it rained.
If I looked behind me, I'd see Naga with his head on his arms on the opposite rail. Next to him, Ao spoke in a voice too low to hear, then, when Naga didn't respond, awkwardly patted his back a few times.
"Couldn't sleep?" Mei asked, coming closer and leaning on the rail next to me. "That seems to be the common theme of the night."
I looked further out, but there was nothing but the faint yellow glow from the lantern. "Something like that."
Mei raised her head to look where I was and said, "Within the village, the mist is thinner. Out here, it's mostly manufactured. It's what makes our hunter-nin so effective at what they do."
"Manufactured?"
Mei paused, glancing at me. "You've never met a mist-nin before, have you?" she asked. She smiled, shoulders shaking with laughter as she covered her mouth. "And you seemed so put-together before."
"We're allies," I told her. "I don't need to talk to you like we're not anymore."
Her smile dimmed slightly. She looked out again, "How lucky you are to have that freedom. To be able to show weakness even in casual conversation with a foreign-nin."
"It's not weakness," I denied, turning to her. "If you admit to something you don't know to foreign-nin, it either means you're confident enough to think that it wouldn't change how they see you, or you don't need their opinion."
"And which are you?"
I only gave her a small smile.
She'd seemed older before. Older than Yahiko, Matsu, and maybe even Ren. But now, with her makeup faded and her shoulders slumped, she seemed so young.
"It's manufactured in that the mist around the village is almost completely the Hiding in Mist jutsu," Mei explained. "This mist, made of chakra as it is, make sensor-nin useless. Especially with mist this thick, which have to be a dozen or so signatures."
I watched water lap at the side of the boat, musing over what it must've been like for Naga.
"Did you come up with a plan?" I asked.
Mei looked out at the mist and didn't answer at first. "No," she finally said. "Hoshigaki, he has a blade called Samehada. It can track chakra and is attracted to unusual signatures. That's why, if Nagato were anyone but an Uzumaki, bypassing it would be as simple as blending in with the crowd."
"And I have no influence over when Hoshigaki will or won't receive a mission. Hyousuke will do all the tiny favors I ask of him, but asking such a thing of him, having him owe anything to the Fourth by asking him to manipulate things—it's overstepping. If we wait, if I make you wait for too long, you'll leave on your own, and I have a feeling I won't get another chance like this for a long time, if ever."
I watched her lean down, almost tucking her chin in her elbow, and then she started laughing. "Of all the clans. What are the chances that Amegakure would have not one, but two Uzumaki hidden away? And what are the odds that you'd both answer my petition?"
She covered her eyes with her hand and breathed in. "For now, until Ao and I locate Hoshigaki and Hozuki, you'll stay hidden in Minakami. As long as you keep to yourselves, the people there will too busy with their own lives to bother with you."
"Minakami?"
She blinked at me, then shook her head. "Right. What you need to know is that the village, since its founding, has been split into three castes. Byakuren, the first, is lived in by clans that helped form and fund the village. The second, Gengetsu, are most of the ninja clans who willingly pledged allegiance to the Land of Water. It's where most of our bloodline users come from. Minakami was established for clans who rebelled in the past, or were prisoners during the war and forced to pledge their loyalty after it ended or be killed."
She looked out again and said, "My clan, when they were still around, had been encouraged to relocate to Minakami."
"The bloodline hunts?" I asked.
"The war," she said, smiling humorlessly. "But after hearing all of that you might be surprised to hear that when I dream, it's not of Kirigakure's future, raising the status of my clan, or even becoming Mizukage. Most often, I dream of being married. Isn't that silly? I'm planning a coup, carrying the lives of my comrades on my shoulders, and I can't stop being a silly woman."
I hummed. "It's not silly if it keeps you going."
Mei stared at me for a second, and then she ducked her head again, laughing softly. "This is refreshing. Ao and Chojuro and Gushiken are fine enough, but they'd balk if I mentioned marriage outside of politics. I can't imagine what they'd say," she said, propping her chin on her palm. "Do you have a silly dream, or a not so silly one?"
I saw the shape of a skyscraper in the mist. It was pointed at the top like a crooked spire and had twisting pipes running down the side.
The boat bounced through a wave and it was swallowed by clouds.
"My dream?" I eventually asked, leaning on the rail. "I want to see Amegakure as it always should've been."
"And that means?"
"Back in the village most of the buildings, the towers, are unfinished. But I know what they'll look like."
"You made the designs for them?"
"No," I answered, but didn't know how to explain what I meant. Instead, I glanced at her and said, "You should pick one of the crew to die."
Mei tilted her head my way, eyebrows furrowed.
"I'm giving you that choice because if you don't, Hidan will. And we don't know who your spy is," I explained.
The change was immediate. Mei drew back and crossed her arms, gazing critically at the mist.
"No one is dying," she finally said. "Our futures hold enough death. He can wait until then. Even the worst of us are disciplined enough to restrain themselves when the mission calls for discreetness outside of combat."
She stood in cold silence as I thought of explaining Jashinism, explaining that Hidan would send them to Jashin because they were afraid to die and that he'd be quicker than he usually was because we were on a mission.
I thought to tell her about the short war we waged in Amegakure. Naga and Ao might come over, and I might make her smile again.
I stared up at where the moon should be, but there was only mist. "If he goes and does it anyway, what happens? You need us," I said. "You said so. Someone here will die, and you're going to choose who, because you love Kirigakure."
Mei was silent. Then, without another word, she turned and left.
And, as I watched her stride away, I thought that she was the lucky one.
Lucky that she could think sacrifice needed a point.
Ao had stepped away from Naga, eyeing Mei, and then me, some accusation there.
I only looked back out and thought that for a brief, infinite second, it had almost felt like we were friends.
A/N: 言葉- Words, 言わない - Unsaid
Ao: you won't tell anyone about my eye, right?
Nagato: *pukes*
Ao: ...
Ao: right?
/
20,508,113 ryo is roughly, and I mean roughly, 323,890 USD.
70,000,000 is 1,105,618 USD.
For reference, Asuma's 35,000,000 bounty was 552,710 USD.