Chapter 25 Childish

Lemmy opened his eyes, feeling a little squirmy as he did. He saw his bedroom ceiling (he would recognize those cracks and sparkles anywhere). He stayed still for a minute, trying to recall what happened. It was so fuzzy; it was like he was trying to recall a memory from his childhood as opposed to one that happened earlier today. He could remember a blaze of rainbow light and a lot of warmth washing over him. Recalling that made him feel good, although it confused him as well. What was that? Did that actually happen, or was that something his imagination cooked up?

"Good. You're awake."

Lemmy turned his head, noticing Ludwig sitting by the bed. The eldest Koopaling's brow was furrowed in a way that was much deeper and more concerned than the usual furrowed brow. Lemmy frowned while looking at it. He didn't say anything, just continued looking at Ludwig and taking in his appearance for the better part of two minutes.

"Ludwig," Lemmy finally managed to say. "What happened?"

Ludwig cringed. "Well…"

With that, he jumped right into explaining. As Ludwig revealed each detail to Lemmy, his memory was restored. He remembered everything from the bandit saying he needed to grow up, to Tack and Tillie helping put Benson in jail, to losing the ring, and… and…

Oh, dear God.

"I…" Tears welled in Lemmy's eyes. "I…" he sniffled, sitting up as he dried his face. "I'm so sorry Ludwig."

"It's okay, Lemmy," Ludwig said with a quiet gentle tone.

"No! It's not!" Lemmy looked Ludwig right in the eye. "I allowed myself to go down that road again! I shouldn't have! I should've known what the triggers are! I should've known to not put on the costume. I… I…" Lemmy couldn't even finish his sentence. He began crying all over again. Based on how loud and how heavy the cries were, one would think that Lemmy just lost a limb.

"Lemmy, stop." Ludwig stood up from the chair, came over, and put his hand on Lemmy's shoulder. "Lemmy, try to calm down."

"I… I can't." Lemmy cried some more. "I forced you guys to go through that again! I… I… I hurt you!" Lemmy's eyes stung at this point. "I'm so sorry! I'm…" he hiccupped. "I'm so sorry…"

Thinking back on these events, Lemmy really felt like scum. What would've happened if Ludwig didn't make Kamek step in when he did? Would Lemmy have killed someone? Would he have made life objectively worse for everyone he came across? How long would he have stayed in the Shellock state? Would he have come around on his own, or would he stay that way forever? Lemmy honestly couldn't say which of those two possibilities was more terrifying.

"It's okay," Ludwig repeated. He wrapped Lemmy in a hug, the tears staining his cloak. "We all make mistakes."

"We do," Lemmy said. "But we don't make the same mistake twice." He cringed as another sob came out. "Only foolish people do that."

"Lemmy…"

Lemmy didn't even bother allowing Ludwig to finish that sentence, as a thought occurred to him. Ludwig wasn't the only one who he needed to apologize to. He needed to apologize to everyone! To his siblings, to Kamek, to anybody who had seen what he had become and gotten scared because of it.

He hopped out of bed. Ignoring Ludwig asking him what he was doing, Lemmy walked out into the hallway. He stopped by Iggy's door, first and foremost, as Iggy had been there when Kamek had used the purification spell. Battling the urge to break down crying yet again when he opened the door, he took multiple deep breaths. Iggy, who had been sitting on the bed reading a book, looked at his older brother with an interested look.

"Oh! It's nice to see you awake, Lemonade."

Lemmy bit his lip. "Iggy… I'm so sorry." He stepped a bit further into the room. "I acted out of order. I allowed myself to go down a path that I shouldn't have, which ultimately put you and everyone I care about in danger."

"In danger?" Iggy raised an eyebrow. "Lemmy, I do not believe your episode was that bad. Sure, you weren't acting like yourself, but unlike last time, you didn't go out of your way to do something that could hurt someone." Iggy put on a tiny smile. "You were just a little extra stubborn. I don't think that's so bad."

Thankfully for the smallest Koopaling, there was a sliver of comfort to be found in those words; the smallest iota. Thinking about them, Lemmy was able to realize that what Iggy said was true. He really didn't try anything too stupid; he was just really dedicated to the case. That much was fact, but even still…

"I know, I know. But what would've happened if I wasn't purified? I probably would've gotten to that point!"

Iggy chuckled. "I highly doubt that."

"Except I very well could!" Lemmy looked Iggy right in the eye. "And if I did, I…" He started crying all over again. Iggy stared at him, possibly trying to piece together what to say next. To be frank, Lemmy didn't even know if there was something to say. Last night, as well as most of this morning, had been a disaster. It really had been.

"Lemmy?"

Lemmy turned toward Iggy's door. He saw the four other present Koopalings standing there, with Ludwig at the front of the pack. With the same furrowed brow as before, he stepped into the room. All the other Koopalings kept his eyes on him, almost like he was taking center stage with a spotlight directly on him.

"Lemmy, it really is okay," Ludwig said.

"No, it's not!"

"Yes, it is!" Ludwig walked up and placed both his hands on Lemmy's shoulders. He got down in a kneeling position so that their eyes were level. "Lemmy, listen to me. Yes, there was a risk. Yes, what happened was scary. But you're here now. You're you, you're here, and you're fine." Ludwig smiled. "From my perspective, there really was no harm done."

"I feel the same way," Wendy said. She took a step forward. "I mean, let's be real. Any sin you committed with the Shellock persona is way less horrible than the person who attacked Roy and Celia."

"Or who summoned the phantoms, or whoever might've taken the ring back," said Larry. He wore a grin so goofy that it really only could've been worn by him. "You're definitely not the worst of the worst."

Lemmy thought about this. "I… I mean, that is true, but it was still a sin. And a sin is a sin no matter what."

"I know." Ludwig smiled at Lemmy. "Of course a sin is a sin. But you know what they say about sins?" Lemmy blinked and looked into Ludwig's glimmering eyes. "They are all forgivable."

A warmth filled Lemmy. He cried more tears, but these ones were different (if only slightly). The warmth spread through him as he dried his eyes, as he thought about these words.

"You guys are amazing. You know that, right?"

"We do," Iggy said as he got up from the bed. "Believe me, we do."

"Some more than others," Larry said with a snort as he looked at Iggy. That comment got a good elbowing from Morton.

"And honestly, Lemmy, the actual acts you committed aren't what's bothering us, at least not completely." Ludwig frowned. "If anything, we're more concerned as to why you went into Shellock mode. Obviously, something had to have happened; you wouldn't go into that state of mind just because."

Lemmy let out a breath. "No. You're right, I wouldn't." He thought back to the triggering event, which made his heart sink. "Uh… this might sound silly, but… the reason why I did was because… a bandit whose house I wanted to search turned me away and told me to grow up."

A silence filled the room. "That's it?" Morton asked with a blink.

Lemmy cringed. "I know, I know, it's stupid. But…" he wiped his nose again. "When I heard that, everything just came crashing down." He swallowed a lump. "Growing up is… I don't even know." He gripped his hand into a fist as he shook his head. "I know it's inevitable, but… if it means I can't play with toys anymore… if it means I can't have fun anymore… if it… if it means that I'm going to become cynical and mean and not the same person that you all know me as…" He sighed. "I hate the thought of it. I love who I am. I love being a clown, I love playing with my toys, and I love having fun with my siblings. Will I have to give that up in order to be 'grown up?'" He whimpered. "Cause if I do… if I am a completely different person… a person who isn't allowed to have fun when life throws hardship after hardship in my direction…" He started sobbing all over again.

Thankfully for him, his siblings were there, and they all surrounded him. "Lemmy," Wendy said. She stepped towards him, her already soft, soothing voice sounding much more soft than before. "Lemmy, that's… you don't have to worry about that."

Lemmy sniffled. "You think so?"

"Of course!" Wendy smiled. "Growing up doesn't mean you can't have fun!"

"Indeed," said Iggy as he adjusted his glasses and stepped forward. "On top of that, growing older doesn't mean you have to grow more cynical either." He grinned. "In my honest opinion, I think holding onto your innocence is an amazing thing! Looking at life from a positive viewpoint as an adult will not only help you get through those hardships, but it will also inspire others! A smile does go a long way, after all!"

"Yeah," said Ludwig. He looked Lemmy right in the eye. "And since when does being an adult mean you can't play with toys?" Ludwig chuckled. "Sure, some people might 'grow out' of playing with toys, but that doesn't mean you have to! If it gives you joy and pleasure, then I say do it! Who cares what people might think; it's something you love to do!"

Lemmy thought about these words. "Yeah, but… it'd still be childish."

Morton of all people chuckled. "Lemmy…" he stepped further into the room. "Believe it or not, I've heard of a real-world author who talks about this sort of thing. His name is C.S Lewis; very good author. And he said something that has really stuck with me. 'When I became a man, I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.'"

Lemmy sniffled. "That…" he smiled. "That's really cool."

"It is," said Ludwig. "And you know what? I think that C.S. Lewis guy has a point." Ludwig chuckled. "So many people nowadays have such a skewed view of reality. In order to be mature, you must be negative and a bore. You must do what society says are mature things, all while forgetting about the positives." Ludwig laughed. "It's so backwards. And honestly? If being positive and happy is 'childish…' well then, let me be childish! Who cares what others might think? It's already bad enough that life throws all sorts of horrible things at you; I don't need to have a bad attitude to make all those things worse!"

Lemmy chuckled. "That's…" He thought about these words some more, and as he did, a new emotion awoke in him. He didn't know what it was, but it was so warm. So calming, so soothing, so… good.

As such, he smiled as more tears formed in his eyes. "Thank you, guys." He chortled. "I think you're right. Growing up… it's still scary, but… you're right. I don't have to let it put me in a state of despair."

"Exactly." Iggy came up and wrapped his arms around Lemmy. "There's no worries there."

"There isn't," said Wendy. She came up and joined in on the hug. "And even though growing up is scary, you won't have to go through it alone."

"Yeah," said Morton. He and Larry joined in on the hug, as did Ludwig. "We'll be with you every step of the way."

With all five of his present siblings hugging him, Lemmy couldn't help but let out a breath of relief. Wow. This…. He felt so much better. Not perfect, of course, but… they were right. They were absolutely right. The Koopalings would always have each other. Not even a sick, twisted criminal beating attacking them from being siblings. Sure, such a thing occurring was still scary. But now that Lemmy was with his siblings, and now that he felt better about the whole ordeal of getting older…

"Thank you, guys." Lemmy hugged his siblings back, squeezing them extra hard. When they all let him go, Lemmy smiled. "I really appreciate it." He put a serious face back on. "But with that said… we still need to solve the case of what happened to the ring." He frowned, shaking his head as he did. "I still don't know how I lost it. I had it right in my pocket!"

"Yeah," Ludwig said with a nod. "Well, we'll help you find it. We'll all go down to that house you were at and trying to see if you dropped it somewhere."

"I second that motion," Iggy said. "And hopefully we can find out the mystery of the phantoms while we're at it too."

"Yeah." Lemmy let out a breath and stood up to his full height. "Well… let's a go."