This is the end… part 16

Monday and no word from the New York group when Walter checked mail. A message from Richard that the testing of the booster modifications were stellar so will be incorporated in the next rocket. He wanted Walter to discuss patent for the design with the legal division. There was also a message from Ralph he was hesitant to open. The confrontation at the garage last Saturday was sure to be another fire storm of his inept handling of a situation and he was just not in the correct frame of mind to deal with it. He continued to sit at the kitchen counter looking at the screen and sipping his coffee thinking. Why is it with these people he has known for years he was always so unsure of himself, so hesitant to voice an opinion, yet with so many people he has met lately, people of consequence, MIT professors, JPL and NASA scientists they look to him to voice his opinion, treat him with respect as an equal. The basic difference was subject matter- solid, factual, provable science as opposed to undefined, emotional human feelings and actions that have no actual reasoning behind them. Why, why, why keeps running through his mind every time the former Scorpion team is brought up. He took a deep breath and opened Ralph's message.

Walter- You upset everyone. Mom was crying, Happy was angry, Toby threw his hat, Sly was crying like mom, and Cabe just left. They really wanted to mend fences as Toby put it. Why did you leave? Where did you go? Can't it be like it used to be? I miss you and want everything like it was. Ralph

Walter rose from the computer and walked out onto the patio, then walked around the yard to come back to the patio with Rex following. He sat down on a patio chair. "You look at me like they used to, Rex. They waited for me to form the plan, come up with the answers, solve the problem… while you just want a cookie," he said to the dog. "Here I am pathetically talking to a dog, again."

"Talking to dogs can be very therapeutic, you know" Adam said coming onto the patio to join Walter. "I wanted to thank you for putting up a bunch of the guys Saturday night. Opening your house to so many strangers- very kind of you."

They sat quietly for a few minutes. Adam looked over at Walter to say, "Sue said you had a bit of a problem before coming home to a pack of people having a party. Anything we can help you with…. need to talk with someone other than Rex?" He said with a smirk. "Rex is a smart though goofy dog, but rather lacking in being able to discuss people's problems, and you seem in need of getting things off your mind."

"I would not even know where to start," Walter said. "The issues had been years in the making; was ended in one fell swoop of a blow-up. Then everyone showed up Saturday like all was as normal. But, things never were normal, and would never again be like it was. The wounds are so deep they still bleed….. may never stop bleeding."

Adam sat silent for a while. "People, when they get so close- they know each other and exactly where the barbs will hurt the most, sorry to say. When insecurities are struck, people lash out without thinking of consequences. Sometimes, the cuts are so deep they never will heal. All you can do is bind the wound and push on. By the time one meets their Maker, there are a lot of open, bleeding wounds, scabs, scars, and bruises. Such is life, just have to live it. Some people are worth forgiving and hope it does not happen again, some people are just too damned toxic and not fit to be around even though you want to be with them. Only you can decide whether they are worth the effort, or if it is too destructive. Sorry, I do not pontificate very well- better than Rex, though," He said as he got up to leave. "Again, thanks for opening your house, was appreciated by all."

Walter continued to sit for a few minutes with Rex's head on his knee, then patted him on the head and went into the house, gave Rex a cookie, sat at the computer and hit reply:

Ralph- Will see you Saturday. Better to talk in person than write. See you then? Walter

The next few days Walter rechecked the New York job just in case, but found no problem. He started on putting together a handout of the Reinler solution geared toward students rather than the scientific based information of the original submission aimed at already steeped in the sciences professors and scientists. He contacted USC and University of Florida about scheduling speaking engagements so available dates were necessary to coordinate with his schedule over the next few months.

Walter was checking mail and a message from Richard said the New York group was pleased with the financial program and its built-in security. They were ready to launch and Richard wanted to be on hand and invited Walter to join him the coming Monday. If Walter was up to another jaunt to New York, a car would pick him up at nine Monday morning so Walter hit confirm, see you then.

Friday night as per usual, Walter drove to the garage to get things set up for Ralph. Entering the garage, again he had no pangs of memory, it was just a place to use to further Ralph's education. Ralph himself was most near and dear to Walter's heart so that fence was in dire need of mending. Ralph was fourteen, now, had to come to the realization, just like Walter had, that, no matter how much you may want something, when other people are involved there is no guarantee you will get what you want. It would be a difficult but much needed discussion.

At ten Saturday morning a car pulled up and a moment later Ralph came in, "Walter!"

"Hey, buddy, ready for some new equations? And the sky is supposed to be clear tonight so some good scope time."

"Walter, we were supposed to have a talk, remember?"

"Yes, I was just hoping you wouldn't."

"So, why did you leave?"

"Because everyone acted like we could go back to the way things were, and we can't."

"Why not? Families have arguments, fights, even physical altercations, but are still a family, look out for each other, be together."

"Ralph, for almost five years we all worked together- even longer for Toby, Happy, Sylvester and me- yet they just walked away. The forming of the team, bringing each into the fold, yet it all meant so little when push came to shove. Their decision. To be honest, the strain was building to a breaking point before then, so in hindsight, the blow-up shouldn't have been a surprise. The strain of the Homeland jobs- jumping out of burning planes, jumping off buildings, Chernobyl, nuclear reactors, Collin's fiascoes, blown up subs, spies, Interpol, Bosnia, on and on. We were never military trained- none of us even fired a gun yet bullets were flying, in some cases- people died. People cannot live under such strain for so long a time without its taking a toll. Add in the interpersonal emotional upheavals and it is a wonder it lasted as long as it did. Everyone has a better, easier, safer life now. Steady income from Richard, a more normal existence. None of us are getting any younger. Just can't keep up the pace of jumping out of planes, off tall buildings, and having rockets fired at us. Believe me, we are all better off and we will probably live a lot longer as the team was on borrowed time for quite a while. That kind of madness can't be sustained for so long without some impact on mind and body."

"But you and mom, you do love each other."

"That is even harder to explain," Walter said. "There are many kinds of love. I love you like you were my own son. We are very much alike, though you will surpass me in time, primarily due to your mother's influence. Had my parents given me the 'human factor' in my formative years as you mother has given you, maybe I could have been the man your mother wants, needs, and deserves. But, such is not the case. I am incapable of fulfilling her needs of human understanding, compassion, and love on her terms. It isn't a failure of your mother, she tried to instill those 'human' qualities, but such are not learned qualities, it is either there or not… and it isn't in me. The best we can do is find someone who CAN fulfill those needs each of us has. There is too much of a difference- in four years of trying to make it work, it finally should be apparent to us it won't work, no matter the chemistry- it will combust and we both get hurt. You are well aware of the insanity of doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result- it is insanity. I know you would like us to get together as a family and live happily ever after, but, in reality, that is never going to happen. I lost my love, my friends, my business- I do not want to lose you, too, but if that is what it takes to get your mother and me out of this self-destructive cycle, so be it. You are no longer a child though young, your intellect will only grow, your 'social skills' will be there when you find that woman you love. You will be fully formed, not 'half baked' as Cabe said of me."

"So Scorpion will never form again?"

"Ralph, I am thirty-four years old, Cabe should be happily retired living easy with Allie. Toby and Happy want to adopt and have a family. Such lives cannot happen with a dangerous, case by case job like we had with Homeland. Rather than doing death defying craziness I am designing rocket boosters, coding financial security systems and giving lectures at MIT and other institutions. Now, my intellect is furthering science, space exploration, security- of much more value in the long run than catching criminals for Homeland."

"Why did you give everyone the money if you didn't want to get back together?"

"As I said- appreciation for past associations. The job I pushed to have us rescue Richard's daughter- that was one of MANY instances where I made decisions that put every one of us at risk. Just one example where I failed miserably in acknowledging the abilities, insights, and capabilities of the others. Too many times I failed to appreciate everyone else's actions that culminated in a positive outcome- often despite my decisions. We were a good and effective team but its time has passed. What each of us needs now is stability and a safe path forward to what happiness in life is attainable. I sincerely hope your mother finds someone who gives her the love and happiness she so very much deserves. I sincerely hope Toby and Happy have a loving family as they desire. I truly hope Sylvester finds the woman to make him happy, and I sincerely hope Cabe and Allie live a long and happy life together. And I sincerely hope in the fullness of time you come to understand the situation and no matter what you decide about the present circumstances, you, too, will attain happiness in your life."

Ralph sat for a few minutes pondering what Walter had said. "Amazing" he said.

Walter frowned looking at him then asked: "What is amazing?"

"The words are different, but what you say is pretty much what mom said. She said she hopes you find some satisfaction if not happiness as she hopes she will in time. She is tired of crying and being unhappy."

Walter nodded. "I wish only the best for all of them, but that means a different path for each of us, without anger, resentment, or bad feelings- that is why I shared the Reinler funds." Rising to end the conversation, he said "Pizza should be arriving soon and we have a lot of board work to go through."

"Yup, let's get to it."

Sunday evening the Proton Arnold competition was in full force. Last game, Ralph was again within three hundred points of Walter's high score. A lot of noise from the console and talking between them they did not notice the time or hear the car pull up to the garage or the door open. Walter and Ralph turned together to see Paige standing there. Walter's eyes widened, his right hand clenched at his chest and his left felt for the desk to lean on as his knees threatened to buckle.

Paige stepped forward then stopped seeing Walter's stricken look. "I just wanted to say thank you, Walter. For all you have done for Ralph and me. I am so sorry for the heartache, the fights, the lost time, the failure. Be well, and again, thank you. Let's go Ralph." She turned and left.

Walter lowered himself to sit on the desk, closed his eyes to regain his composure. After a few minutes, he took a deep shaky breath, rose and started the Sunday night ritual of powering down, locking up and setting the security system. He drove the long way to the house then showered and went to bed… Rex had to wake him up at four-thirty. He stayed up as the car would be picking him up at nine for the flight to New York.

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