Chapter 3: Offer of a Way Out

Sitting in the Porsche that they had borrowed from Ross, Monica reached across the console, her fingers reaching, fishing. They finally groped into finding Rachel's fingers, which she laced with her own and gave a loving squeeze.

"What if they don't approve?" Rachel turned to her lover, stricken.

Monica swallowed, leaning in to press a furtive and chaste kiss across Rachel's lips. She couldn't lie to her love. Their parents probably wouldn't approve, neither hers nor Rachel's. But Monica at least thought that Jack and Judy might be a little more understanding. …. OK, probably just Dad would be a little more understanding; she could hear her mother now, thinking her daughter falling in love with a woman, following her ex-daughter-in-law also falling in love with a woman, was just proof that Monica couldn't land a man. Find a suitable match.

She didn't even know what Dr. and Mrs. Green would think, except that she had always thought her best friend (now lover's) parents to be even more conservative than her own parents.

Monica and Rachel were careful not to touch each other as they approached the Geller house. Ringing the doorbell, Monica was still debating with herself how exactly they should break the news that she and Rachel were together, or even if they should break the news at all. The Gellers and Greens had become close friends, thanks in part to their respective daughters' friendship in high school, and had remained close even during those years when Rachel and Monica had seen less of each other, before Rachel had run out on her wedding and moved in.

Judy's smile was sweetly saccharine as she answered the door and greeted her daughter warmly – with unusual warmth, to Monica's mind. It made her suspicious that something was going on.

Her suspicions were confirmed when she saw eight plates set out upon the dining room table, rather than six. Dr. Leonard Green seemed pompous as he embraced his eldest daughter, puffing out his chest like a peacock.

Then, a mustachioed gentleman whom Monica knew all too well stepped out from the kitchen, smiling at her winningly.

"Monica…. it's good to see you again."

In the nearly three years since she had last seen him, Monica had spent a period mourning their relationship. She had moved on to Pete, which had soured even worse though had involved far less grieving following the break-up. Then a year of being attached to no one before going to London, getting drunk and leaping into bed with Rachel. Monica's smile was weak and tight, and her eyes darted to her mother. All the beautiful chef wanted to do was remove herself from this situation.

Her discomfort was nothing compared to Rachel's, however, who was now forced to confront the man she had been minutes away from marrying. Barry had married Rachel's old bridesmaid, Mindy, but the union had recently ended in divorce.

Now all seated awkwardly at the dining room table, Rachel and Monica were horrified to learn that Richard and Barry had gone to their respective parents and asked for their daughters' hands in marriage…. apparently before asking the girls themselves, or even before trying to get back together with them.

"Monica…. I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you."

It was the exact thing Monica had wanted Richard to say…. Three years ago, ironically during Barry's wedding reception to Mindy. But now, staring at her old flame from across the table, Monica felt absolutely nothing. Stealing a glance out of the corner of her eye, she could tell her secret girlfriend possessed the same apathy when regarding Barry.

"Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a double wedding?" Judy was murmuring to Sandra.

"It would certainly cut down on costs…." Leonard was postulating, apparently quite serious.

Rachel leaned in to her lover. "It's not that we have dowries… we are the dowries!"

"Yeah, what is this, feudal times?" Monica hissed back. Meanwhile, her brain was whirring, trying to think of a way – any way – out of this scheme their parents were foisting on them, apparently in some desperate gambit to see their daughters married off, all for the sake of…. what? Image?

A thought surrounding her best friend fell into her head just then. A memory, of Chandler once making her an offer. A pact, really, and Monica seized on it.

"Actually, Mom, I'm already engaged!"

Everyone turned to stare at her in shock, even Rachel, and Monica pleaded through her peripheral vision for Rachel to play along. Rachel must have thought that by 'engaged,' Monica was going to announce that they were the ones getting married…. before even coming out to their parents.

"Really?" Judy looked stunned, yet also hopeful. "To who?"

"Chandler!" Monica blurted out.

Now Judy looked horrified; Richard appeared more bemused. Monica couldn't look at Richard, but from what she could tell, he appeared crestfallen.

"Well…. congratulations…." Judy managed to get out. Her gaze dipped towards her daughter's hands, a frown of disapproval twisting onto her face. "If you're engaged, is the boy so insensitive that he hasn't given you a ring?"

Monica thought fast. She couldn't say that Chandler couldn't afford one – her parents knew the kind of high-paying job he held. "Oh, he gave me a ring!" she assured. "But it was too big! We had to send it in to get resized!" Beside her, Rachel was starting to get it, nodding and playing along.

"I'm involved with someone too!" Rachel now threw out there. Monica resisted the urge to turn and stare at her, knowing that Rachel wouldn't ruin the yarn by outing their relationship and yet counter-intuitively still terrified the blonde was about to do just that. "And we're having a baby!"

Leonard's face now turned bright red. "A baby?!" he spluttered. His expression darkened, roiling. "And just who is the father?"

"Ross," Rachel supplied readily. At least that lie was somewhat more plausible, given that Rachel and Ross had at one point been together, whereas Chandler and Monica had never before been romantically associated with each other in their lives.

"Is there going to be a wedding?" Leonard pressed. Neither he nor anyone else seemed to notice Barry, who appeared as dejected as Richard had been to learn of Monica's 'engagement.' "Rachel Karen Green, tell me there's going to be a wedding!"

"There is," Rachel nodded, her chin wobbling like a bobble-head toy. "We just…. haven't set a date yet." She smiled nervously.

Jack turned to his little girl, trying to remain diplomatic. "And you, Monica? Have you and Chandler…?" (Judy appeared faint at the thought of her son's odd turkey of a college roommate one day becoming her son-in-law). "…. Decided on a wedding date?"

"No, Daddy. We're just starting to sift through venues…" Monica fibbed.

The girls later dragged themselves into Apartment 20 later that night, exhausted. And also nervous. They had managed to extricate themselves out of a trap involving practically arranged marriages with their respective exes, only to dig themselves further into a hole by claiming engagements and a pregnancy involving Monica's best friend as well as her brother.

The two secretly-in-love women fell into each other's arms, embraced and kissed.

"What are we…. Mmm…. Going to do….?" Rachel moaned as she combed her fingers through Monica's midnight tresses.

"I don't know…." Monica sighed into her girlfriend's lips, spinning them both in the passionate embrace. "But we'll figure something out…."

The door to the apartment opened behind them without warning, admitting Chandler and Ross.

There was no time to push Rachel away. No way to explain away the compromising position Monica now found herself in. No way to make it seem like she and Rachel hadn't been doing exactly what they were doing.

It was only small consolation to know that Chandler already knew all about them, and not for the first time, Monica was so grateful to her best friend…. and she guessed now faux-fiancé. Regardless of what finding Monica and Rachel together was doing to his heart, Chandler had kept their London secret. He could have outed her and Rachel at any point, even just to Monica's brother, and yet he hadn't.

It was difficult to gauge Ross's reaction, considering his history when it came to lesbians. The shock was a little delayed getting onto his face, but once it did, he gawped at Rachel as if he had never seen her before, stunned and hurt.

Gulping, Monica stared down her brother, lacing her fingers through Rachel's. She swallowed. "Yes…."

"How….? When?!" Ross spluttered.

"…. It happened in London…."

"In London?!" Ross yelped, his voice sounding pitchier than a kicked dog's. The girls and Chandler all frantically shushed him; noticing this, Ross rounded on his best friend.

"…. You knew about this!... You already knew and you didn't tell me?!"

Chandler hung his head guiltily.

"…. I was worried about you. I didn't know how you were going to react!" The data analyst tried to explain. "Plus, it wasn't my news to tell." He sent a supportive look Monica's way; she beamed at him gratefully.

Rachel winced. "That's not the only news we have…." she mumbled. "My parents and your parents tried to marry us off to our exes tonight at dinner, so…. congratulations, honey! We're now having a baby!"

"Oh, and we're engaged," Monica pointed between herself and Chandler.

Ross's jaw was nearly on the floor. Chandler cringed.

"Next time, maybe tell me before making such an impulsive decision!" Monica sent her 'fiancé' a jeer, but it lacked any malice.

Chandler thought for a minute. "Ross, Rachel: give us a minute."

Rachel and Ross looked at each other, then trudged from the room out into the hall.

Drifting into Monica, Chandler took her hand.

"Your mom and dad were really going to set you up with… Richard?..."

Monica nodded, chuffing bitterly. Chandler's smile was weak, hopeful.

"Well, one good thing can be said out of you and Rachel having the sex: at least you're over the big tree!"

Monica choked out a laugh – one that might have covered for a sob. She buried her face in her hands. "What are we going to do?..."

Chandler smiled. "Well…. I can think of one thing…."

Monica lifted her head, staring at him and the intensely loving look he bestowed on her. Her sapphire eyes went wide as she gathered his meaning.

"Oh, no…. no…. Chandler, don't…."

He stepped into her, drew her close and kissed her. Monica held the kiss, a whimper bubbling up into the back of her throat and turning into a murmur. She couldn't bear to push him away, so she simply waited until they broke apart, gasping.

"Chandler….!" she cried, breathless, glancing down between them. Her eyes focused in on his expansive chest as she attempted to center herself, gather her thoughts. "We have to talk about this reasonably…"

Chandler's expression was lovesick and hopeful. "I have loved you from the first moment I laid eyes on you, that second Thanksgiving I spent at your folks," he whispered earnestly. "What could be more reasonable than to marry you?"

Monica blinked at him, astonished. "…. We'd kill each other!" she spluttered.

"Nonsense!" Chandler laughed.

Monica was bewildered. Was her best friend really proposing marriage to her? On substance, his proposal was little better than the way one Richard had attempted on her tonight at dinner. "We're best friends! Neither of us has ever tried for anything more! …. We're both stupidly stubborn – especially you! We'd only quarrel….!"

"I wouldn't!" Chandler insisted, almost to the point of whining.

Monica couldn't help but giggle, staring up at him in amusement. "…. You can't even propose without quarreling…." In a way, it was actually quite adorable.

Chandler stepped into Monica, tenderly cradling her face in his palms. "Mon…. My love…" He kissed her again, on the lips. Then on her face. On her cheeks, her nose, on her mouth once more. "My love… My dear Monica… I swear…. I'll be a saint…. I'll let you win…. Every argument…. I'll take care of you – and your family… You don't even have to sleep with me – unless you want to…." A beat, and then: "And if you and Rache have…. urges…. I won't stop you. Call it an…. open marriage…"

Monica cocked a skeptical eyebrow. "So, you'd basically be my beard?" At his nervous nod, she sighed. "Well, it's a better deal than I would have gotten if Joey proposed to me…." They both shared a chuckle at this.

"I want…. you…." Chandler framed her face again. Monica stared up at him, choking up, emotional.

"Chandler…. oh, honey, please don't ask me…." she warbled. She turned her head and pressed a fierce and grateful kiss into his palm, moved by his caring, but also not wanting to enter into something that would only lead to breaking his heart more than she already had. And yet… marrying Chandler, agreeing to be his wife, allowed for her to stay in his life. Stay in Rachel's life…..

Monica could feel the man who loved her searching her eyes. "So….. you'll do it?" Chandler asked, hopeful while also hardly daring to believe it.

Monica nodded, looping her arms around his neck. "All right then…. yes!" Beaming, elated, Chandler leaned in and kissed her again, which Monica chastely accepted. He wasn't a bad kisser, on the whole. She could endure kissing someone like him for the rest of her life. There were worse things than being married to your best friend – your best platonic friend.

Chandler and Monica's embrace was interrupted by Ross stomping back into the room.

"I can't believe you told your dad that you were pregnant! And claimed I was the father!"

"Ross…"

"How are we supposed to keep that up, Rache? Huh? You tell me!"

Before a stuttering and wounded Rachel could answer, Chandler moved between them, his voice soft and firm. "You and Rachel will get engaged…. At some point later on, we can claim that Rachel suffered a miscarriage."

Rachel stared. "But once I do, my parents will assume there will be no reason to continue with the engagement, and they'll try to marry me off to Barry again!" The thought disgusted her.

"You and Ross would still get married," Chandler explained.

"Fake get married or for real?" Rachel lifted an eyebrow. At Chandler's telling silence, she staggered back, a crazed laugh escaping around her gawking mouth. "Oh, no, no…. not happening!"

"Rachel: Chandler and I are engaged! Actually engaged," Monica stepped forward, lacing her fingers through Chandler's. "If we get married and you and my brother get married, then you and I…. we can still find ways to be together! Chandler…. Chandler's promised to support us. He wants to help us." And she sent Chandler a grateful and even loving stare.

Ross was gawking at Chandler. "…. How could you do this to me….? How could…?"

Chandler pursed his lips in a tight grin. "Ross, can I talk to you for a sec…? – Ross, can I talk to you for second?!..." He muscled and manhandled a babbling Ross out of the apartment and into the hallway.

"So, after I suffer a bitter and emotional divorce from my lesbian ex-wife, you're expecting me to marry another lesbian so we can protect the secret that the love of my life is sleeping with my sister!" Ross was beside himself with rage and self-pity, at the perceived injustice of it all.

Chandler took a deep and patient breath through his nose. "It's the only way they can be together, and be reasonably happy – at least reasonably happy with us. And it's better than them being married off to the dentist and the old eye doctor dude!" He laid a hand on his best friend's shoulder. "Besides, we'd be brothers-in-law. Family, along with Rachel. That doesn't seem so bad. Please, Ross. Say you'll help me." When Ross still looked unsure, Chandler sighed. "If you won't do it for me, then do it for Rachel. You love her!"

A long pause, and then Ross nodded. He eyed Chandler hard. "You'll do right by my sister?"

"I promise," Chandler nodded. They shook hands on it.

"How long would this be….?"

"Let's assume, for the moment, forever."

Ross cracked a weak yet hopeful smile at the thought of being with his true love forever…. No matter if she was using his own sister to keep herself satisfied. "I can live with that."

"Good. Now get in there and ask that woman to marry you, for the sake of the baby you're definitely not having!"

Ross strode into the apartment. Monica and Rachel paused in their low and intimate whispering to watch as the paleontologist took a knee, kneeling before Rachel.

"Rachel…." Ross almost whimpered it, emotional. "I love you with all that I am, and I'll love you your whole life if you will let me. …. Will you marry me?"

He took her hand in his. Eyes big as saucers, Rachel glanced to Monica once, who nodded encouragingly.

Taking a deep breath, Rachel gazed down at her dear friend, and decided, if he wanted her, she would give herself to him: a good and decent man who loved her.

…. Even if she loved somebody else. But so long as Ross understood that, accepted her, accepted her being with his sister and wanted to help them be together, together as they could be anyway…. Then, Rachel supposed, she could live with that.

Squeezing his hand, Rachel knelt down opposite Ross. Cupping his face in her hands, she kissed him earnestly, deeply.

When they broke apart, Rachel whispered:

"Yes, Ross, I will."