AN: Another Cyber Cookie goes to Cerberusx for his LoTR callout. It was in fact a reference to a line uttered by Frodo.

Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

One Knuckleheaded Glutton

Righteous Side of Hell

Naruto pressed his head into Loona's as they laid together in bed, half watching a video on her phone with her. Not that he had much of an option, given how they were tied and had been for the past ten minutes. Loona had grown to love the 'mandatory cuddle sessions', if not become addicted to them; she insisted over the last week each night ended with them tying together. Their last round the last night, had been a very enthusiastic hellcowgirl ride. That may be their favorite position yet, given the sight he got from it and the control she could have with it.

The past week had been quite taxing on his stamina, but managed to succeed in keeping his girlfriend satisfied and happy — A feat not many could claim; there was an alarming amount of cheating in Hell, which was surprising given the sheer number of polygamists that were down Here. He nuzzled his brow into her cheek, closed his eyes and let his rumble flow through him as he tasted the delicious vibes that were in the air. She sighed as a pop up message cut into the show she was watching.

"Bee wants to know 'How much longer?'"

Ah, yes. They had just tied when Bee sent them a five minute warning. It was super awkward to explain why that wasn't going to work, but Bee just rolled with it.

"Oh sure, Bee does." He chuckled and kissed her neck up to her cheek. She hummed and leaned into his affection, her cute tail swoosh-swoosh-swooshed beneath the covers. "Are you sick of me already? Ouch, Loon. Feelings are hurt."

"You'll live." She nuzzled back into him. She lowered her phone and cupped his chin to pull him into a Boop. They growled – well, she growled and he rumbled, really – and smiled before the Boop turned into a kiss. Loona sighed as it broke and nipped at his chin. "Don't tell anyone I said this: I'm gonna miss you."

The vibes soured so fast and a soft whine left his girlfriend's mouth.

"Aw, Loon." He gave her another kiss and tightened his arms around her. "I'll miss you, too. At least it's just a month."

"Naruto, we just spent an entire week fucking. Shit, Blitzø and the wonder losers left four days ago."

"I was wondering why I wasn't getting memories of the evil eye following me around every corner." He furrowed his brow. His smile grew as she snorted and planted another kiss on his jaw. The Rumble deepened as they shared a moment of blissful silence. Before it became awkward, he kissed her notched ear and muttered into it, "You gonna be okay?"

"Without my boyfriend? I'll manage. I guess." She huffed. "It's the lack of Boops that might kill me."

"...I didn't even consider that." Naruto mumbled, staring at a fixed point in the ceiling. His eye twitched. "This might actually be worse than the Vore Timeout of '13."

"...The what?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"I feel like we need to talk about it."

"Really, Loon, let's just drop–"

A wet 'thulck' reached their ears before both of them shuddered. The sensation of the knot's deflation was always a weird one. Loona moaned as she pulled her hips away and rose off of his softened cock. She shifted to lay atop his right shoulder, while the bed quickly became drenched in his essence as whatever didn't make it to her core leaked out of her in a slow and steady dribble.

"Oh, darn, we're separate. Looks like we'll have to get dressed before I get sent to Wrath. Let's finish this conversation, never." Naruto said, rolling out from under Loona to sit on the side of the bed. He stretched his arms up and yawned as the fatigue from their activities struck. His left arm slipped behind his head and grabbed the right tricep, holding it in place as he stretched until something in his upper back popped. Lithe arms wound around his waist and a shorter muzzle nosed into his shoulder as his arms fell.

"I could just ask Bee." She growled in her alluring not-angry way. He gently held onto her hands and tilted his head to rub it against hers. His tail went nuts on its wriggle and hers wagged. The bed was quiet as he brought one of her hands to his mouth and kissed it before he chuckled.

"Be my fucking guest, Loon."

"I just want to state, again, that this is a terrible idea."

"It's a great idea. I would know, it was mine."

"Was it, though? There's a fucking alarming lack of ducks."

"...You will all rue the day when the ducks topple your empires."

"Bee, don't antagonize the Boss just because Naru-Baby's got you miffed." Ozzie sighed as he followed his friend and his boss into an office. Seven chairs were arranged around a rectangular table, the one at the head had a seven pointed star carved into the seat. He and Bee took their respective seats across from one another while Lucifer claimed the head.

Yep, still hilarious to see him just barely reaching eye level with the table. The King of Hell's eye twitched.

"Who fucked with my chair?"

"First three guesses don't count." Ozzie smirked Bee's way and she scoffed. Two hands waved dismissively while another hand made a bag of trail mix for her to munch on.

"That's Baby Bro's area of expertise. I throw parties, not humiliate Luci."

"So, I should add another month to his stay in Wrath?" Lucifer asked flatly. Bee almost choked on the handful she'd tossed in her mouth, but recovered. Her ears went flat and she glared at their King.

"I didn't say he did it!"

"But you have an idea?"

"Well, four people aren't showing up, and only one is supposed to be here, because it's his fucking Ring."

"...Stupid fucking lizard." Lucifer growled and snapped his fingers. The seat fixed itself and he sat at eye level with them once more. "He's lucky his representative will be here."

"Which one?" Ozzie asked flatly. As horny and erotic he was, he didn't have the body count that Satan did. Some attributed it - incorrectly - to their placement in the Sin hierarchy, and others had the audacity to accuse Asmodeus of being in a monogamous relationship - the fucking nerve of some people! - when he clearly had a pet-er...a personal sexual assistant! Yes, that's how he saw his Froggy-er, Fizzaroli. Meanwhile, Satan ran around overcompensating for his microdick and closeted sexuality by boning and marrying as many demons as he could. Most of his lieutenants only became such because of his 'marriages' to them.

"The thicc one." Lucifer rolled his hand and played with his cane. "Wasshername? Fia? Maria? The one whose name sounds like mine but worse?"

"Lucia's going to be here?" Bee perked up. She grinned. "Fucking awesome, free show at a boring meeting."

"Down, Bee." Ozzie manifested a water bottle and spritzed her with it. She growled at him and covered her trail mix. He dismissed the construct and looked at his boss. "When should we expect-?"

The doors slammed open and a giant, thicc pale-red dragoness could be seen on the other side.

"I'd say nowish."

Ozzie gave the smirking King of Hell a flat stare.

The dragoness ducked her head and torso - Sweet fuck, those were some massive mammaries; like damn, Ozzie knew sexual organs got ridiculous down Here, and these were proportionally appropriate for this creature, but...just Damn. - under the door frame as she walked in. She stood at the end of the table and set a folder down. Angry red eyes burned as they scanned over the three Sins.

"...Goddammit, Satan lied to me."

"Told you he'd be here?" Bee asked, her eyes roaming the nude creature before her. Ozzie flicked a conjured little candy dick at her and she ate it out of the air. Well, at least she was paying attention to her surroundings.

"No, he told me Mammon would." Ozzie and Bee exchanged looks. Lucifer arched his eyebrow. The dragoness crossed her arms over her bountiful bust. "Sonovabitch owes me four hundred thousand in gold, but I know I'll never see it. I've been trying to negotiate alternatives and he always fucking assumes I want his money or his pitiful dick."

"...Mammon has a dick?" Ozzie asked. This was news to him. The dragoness snorted smoke.

"Why do you think he owes me money?"

"...Lucky motherfucker." Bee grumbled and angrily chowed on her trail mix.

"Yes, well, ahem, as unfortunate as it is to be snubbed by our...Greedy associate," Lucifer said as he interlaced his fingers in front of him. "I take it that everything I've asked for is ready?"

"There's been a few hiccups." The dragoness picked up the file she'd set down and went through it.

"Such as?" Ooh, that was a tight smile. The Boss was not happy his wishes weren't being met.

"For starters, the fire Hezrou breed have been endangered for four hundred years and are now protected by 'Satan's Wrath' for three centuries, so we couldn't get one, let alone a dozen." Lucia put a set of cheaters - arguably the most in terms of accessories or even clothes Ozzie has ever seen on her - and flipped through a small (for her) set of papers. "Glaberzu are extinct; lost them at the turn of the first millennium Post Christ. The Abyssal Maw are in hibernation for the season, so it's not even worth trying to get one. The Armanite clans still won't talk to us after the last time we used one of their warriors to punish someone—"

"Thanks, Asmodeus." Lucifer glared at him and Ozzie crossed his arms.

"Look, it's not my fault they were all talk about taking any cock size!"

"It is your fault he died mid-fuck!"

"I never denied that! Shit all they asked for in return was a sample of my seed and I supplied it!"

"In what, a few dozen sippy cups?" Bee asked with a smirk. Ozzie flipped her off. She blew him a kiss. Fuckin' teasing bitch.

"And the Demogorgon is still missing in action." Lucia, who'd ignored the Sins' byplay as most professionals did, tossed the cheaters aside, dropped the packet on the table and crossed her arms. "But the Pit is ready for whatever poor soul you wanted to send there. We have several talented volunteers eager to get blood on their hands, claws, tentacles and any other extremities."

"Tch, man, no De-Gorg? Shit, I wanted to see one of those flower-faces get splattered..." Lucifer groaned. Bee growled at him and he scoffed. "Oh, what? The brat could take one of those fuckers! He took on fucking Raquel, didn't he?"

"Who was, according to the report," Ozzie looked at his phone's notes. Blessed be his sweet Froggy-Er, Fizzaroili who was his platonic and personal sexual assistant that summarized that report for him. "Approximately twenty inches long, account for a swollen base— whoops! Sorry, wrong notes."

"...What notes were that for?" Lucia asked. He glanced at her, three brows arched. A deeper glance and-ah, a size kink. In the other way? Interesting! She shifted and glared at him. "You don't have to fucking answer, but stop fucking staring at me."

"Don't advertise freely then. It's just for a new product that's hitting the market soon from my Toys and Aides department." Ozzie waved the drake off and snapped his fingers. "Oh, speaking of: Bee, I need to revisit our terms and agreements in regards to your house's likeness policy."

"...When and how did you get a measurement of Baby Bro's dick?" Bee asked lowly. Ozzie stared at her. Was she being serious? She growled and set her trail mix down — so okay, yes. She was being serious. He stalled a possible outburst with a raised hand.

"When he brought his...girlfriend," he shuddered. Ugh, such a gross and limiting phrase that escaped his mouth! "To my club. They got dosed with Pheromo–Didn't he tell you this?"

"Whoo, he must've had a great night." Lucifer chuckled as he leaned back in his seat. Likely thinking about the times he and Lilith partook in some of Ozzie's experimental ingestibles.

"Fucking-! The little shit doesn't tell me anything unless I scratch or Vibe Check him!" Bee pouted and crossed her arms. "Used to tell me everything all the fucking time, like a little annoying but cute Queef, and now he figured out how to shut up."

"Are you sure you didn't just miss something in one of his conversations? He might not trust you if you don't show that you listen," Lucia said, kneeling beside the table. Ozzie and Lucifer stared at her and she scowled. "What? My own daughter is starting to get rebellious, so I've been reading online–"

What?!

"Satan has a kid?!" Lucifer gasped, beating Bee and Ozzie to the punch. "And he didn't tell me?! Our girls could be besties!"

"She's not Satan's." Lucia scoffed. She glanced at the burn around her left middle claw. "Fucked that asshole once and he put a ring on it then floundered to the next hole. At least he didn't cheap out and I could pawn it."

"One and done, hm? Are we sure he's not the Sin of Lust?"

"I will fuck you, Boss. Do not tempt me." Ozzie glared at the smirking King of Hell.

"I'd pay to watch that." Bee smirked then gasped and slammed her four hands on the table as she leaned over towards him. "Wait, Oz, you said that Baby Bro got hit with Pheromo, right?! Did you get any footage of him and Pretty Pup's first time?!"

"Not their first time. They managed to hold out past the strongest peak of the drug." Ozzie shook his head with a sigh. She slumped back in her seat and whined. Ozzie smirked, he loved jerking Bee around. He played with his dick a bit as he leaned back and inspected the nails on his other hand. "But, I got good footage of him giving that cute little hound a very intimate throat fuck."

"..How, uh..?" Lucifer drummed his fingers on the table. Ozzie almost chuckled, his Boss had such a kink for domination play. The King of Hell gulped. "How hot are we talking?"

"He snapped her collar." Ah, the Lust that filled the air was mag-fucking-nificent.

"Send me that copy!" Bee shot from her seat to grab his lapels as a bit of drool fell from her lips. Ozzie's brows all shot up in surprise, and both Lucia and Lucifer gave her looks. The Queen Bee quickly realized her position and returned to her seat. She put a handful of trail mix in her mouth, as if that would make them forget the reaction she had. "What?! You've all seen the Pretty Pup and my Baby Bro is a cute little stud! It's gonna be so fucking hot—I need to put the best parts in his b-day collab vid!"

"You want to watch it for the collab vid. Riiiight." Lucifer smirked and tilted his head to avoid a pelting of the snacks to the face.

"Nuh-uh, sorry Bee. They're legally independent; I need to get them on contract before I can release that footage to anyone." Ozzie shook his head. A guesstimate of a dick for a toy was one thing, but video releases? Nope, that's something he'd get fucked by in the worst way. Not to mention he didn't even have a chance to tell them that he had it yet. He was still going over it. Personally...With Fizzaroli's help. For editorial notes on the toy.

"Fucking bullshit." Bee snarled and shoved her whole bag of snacks into her mouth. She swallowed and slumped back in her seat. "Who the fuck decided twenty-something's were legally independent? Most of the Hellborn live well into the fucking hundreds! And they're all idiots until at least the first century!"

"As Above, So Below. Those are the terms we agreed to so as to keep E-Day out of your Rings." Lucifer reminded her. Which, yeah, fair. Ozzie was fine with enforcing legal ages for Lustful activities. The underdeveloped needed to blossom and mature before they could be enjoyed, by all parties involved. Bee might have a harder time enforcing her sect of laws, considering...well, that she's Bee.

"Wrathions welcome the challenge." Lucia smirked as she inspected her nails. "But I believe this meeting has gotten off track. Is there a soul to be deposited, or not?"

"There is." Lucifer straightened up and grinned sharply. "Bee-Lzebub, summon him."

"Hang on." Bee typed on her phone. "...Alright, he'll be here in fifteen minutes."

"...Bee-Lzebub."

"He's fucking knotted to the Pretty Pup, asshole! I'm not putting her through that trauma!" Bee scoffed and sat back while Lucifer's form shifted to and fro. Ozzie's six brows went up. Without prompting, the Sin of Gluttony elaborated. "Poor thing's already gotta be left with that inane fucker that tried to blow up Baby Bro, I'm not going to force her to expose herself to you shitheads - no offense, Oz, Lucia."

Lucifer looked just slightly offended as he settled on his 'friendly' appearance. Bee ignored him and grinned at Ozzie.

"So, about those measurements you have. Is it for a dildo or a vibrator? Because I have suggestions."

Red eyes opened slowly as someone stepped onto his plane, but no further. His chosen hovel, his sanctuary. At the crux of a black hole, where time was meaningless, and the sciences of Man couldn't comprehend.

"Michael."

"Raquel."

The Archangel warrior of YHWH stood at the entrance. He was a handsome creation, Sasuke would admit, with cheeks chiseled from stone and a hawkish nose. Clad in the armored robes that resembled a church long since separated and absorbed by others. One hand rested on the hilt of his sword, sheathed at his hip, and the other remained at his side, loose. Ready.

"Did you come to kill me for what I did to the First Man?"

"Adam's mistakes are and have always been his own fault. This is the beauty of Man." The Archangel shook his head, dark locks shifted from one side to the next. "No, I wished to ask about the demon."

Glass shattered and repaired around the hovel simultaneously. Memories of years centuries millennia ago flashed to the forefront of his mind. He scowled, not a new expression, and sat upright in his chair.

"His name is Naruto."

"...My apologies." Michael put a hand at his sternum and bowed slightly. He stood again. "May I come in?"

Sasuke considered it. He nodded.

"Thank you, Brother." Michael stepped in and examined the area. "Quaint. Spartan. Very...you."

"I recall you saying the same thing the last time you stepped into my room." Sasuke sighed and rubbed his face. "If you are here to try again-"

"Then Raphael would be sad, and I cannot bear to make him such." Michael chuckled. "No, I remember your answer then, and while the pain is there, it is numb."

"Good." Kaleidoscopes spun and shifted. "What do you want?"

"I wish to know this foe of ours-"

"Aside from his cursed form, Naruto is not Heaven's enemy." Sasuke poured the contents of a kettle into a cup. He glanced at Michael, who held a hand up, and then set the kettle aside. He sipped the warm brew and sighed. "If anything, he is the epitome of what Heaven's forces should be."

"Powerful? Monstrous?"

"Unwavering. Unyielding." Sasuke smirked as he thought of their recent clash. "Indomitable."

"Quite the praise for the D" A glare, and the Archangel paused. "...the one that tried to kill you."

"He had good reason. He will be more understanding next time." Sasuke huffed. He was under no delusion of how the first reunion was to go; there was always to be a heated fight the first time. It's just how their dynamic worked.

"Will he?"

"He will."

"...This is the one, isn't it? The one you spoke of then." Michael smiled, his eyes shone. He tightened his grip on the hilt of his sword. "Your fallen rival."

"He is." Sasuke nodded.

"...I await my chance to face him in combat."

Sasuke sipped from his cup, drained it and then set the cup down on the table beside him.

"He will be dead before you can."

There were a lot of things that were expected when he arrived in the Ring of Wrath. The Sins all gathered and eager to see the result of his latest fuck-up; it'd been a while since the last one — four years, new record! — and he was certain they'd show in droves if possible. Furious guards were eager to rip him to shreds. Imps that ran amuck unsupervised and killed each other with reckless abandon. Even Satan himself, with another fuck-off set of weights set up for a rematch of his lift challenge — which he would accept on the fucking spot; he wanted another lay-z day workout shirt, dammit, Loona kept taking his favorite ones — was expected to greet him.

Naruto did not expect a large dragoness who was buck ass naked to be the thing that greeted him to the Ring.

"...Yeah, I guess he's a little cute." The dragon said as she squinted down at him. She shrugged and then grabbed him by—Fuck! No! Not cool! Not okay!

"You fat fuck-! Lemme go! Bitch!" He twisted and snarled as he was hoisted off of the ground by his scruff.

"Careful, he's–" Oh, of fucking course the Douchifer was watching him suffer. Sadistic motherfucker! Naruto just needed a good angle and—Aha! Victory was his! Chomp! ...Ow, this floor was rough.

"Gah, you little shit!" Choke on a radioactive cock, ya scruff-pulling Nudist!

"I was going to say, he's a biter." Douchifer finished lamely.

"Yeah, word of advice? Don't grab the scruff." Oh, hey, Oz was here, too? Huh, weird, they're four Sins short. Naruto already knew Bee was here because one: she brought him here and two—

"Baby Bro!"

She glomped on to him after his rough landing. The happy vibes she had would be nice if he could enjoy them. Unfortunately...

"Hurk! Choking! Air! Bee!" Naruto tugged at the arms that were wrapped around his neck and ribs. Nope, she was in one of her 'homicidal hug' moods again. Weird, she normally saved that for a mid-party high. Or if one of them reached some sort of mile...stone.

Fuck.

She knew he had sex.

"You and Pretty Pup's gram is goin off!" Or...that. Sure, yeah, focus on social media, not his sex life...or the life you're taking – Air! Glorious air! Naruto greedily sucked in what he could before his face was cupped by two hands and – ...Is...Is Bee giving him a Boop? That's...that's weird, right? ...Yeah, he thought so, too.

"What are you doing?" he asked, eye twitching. It was bad enough he had to go a month without a Boop, but now his last memory of one was going to be tainted by Bee's impulsiveness.

"Tch, guess it really is your thing. Still fuckin cute, tho," Bee said with a grin. She scratched his Spot – dick move, Bee – and cooed at him. "Don't worry about the Pretty Pup, I'll be stealing her this month for as many parties as I can muster!"

"Two parties." Naruto deadpanned. Loona was not a social animal without a proper filter to help her navigate those murky waters. He blamed that on the orphanage...and to a lesser extent, Blitzø, but mostly the orphanage. Bee's smile tightened and she dug her claws into his Spot. Ow! OW!

"All the parties! She'll have so much fun!"

Okay, no. He was not letting his sister traumatize his girlfriend because she thought she knew best.

"Two!" Naruto growled as he grabbed the arms attached to the hands that were assaulting him. He pulled them off and then let Bee take them back. She scowled at him as he got to his feet and crossed his arms. "Vore-Tex can't make clones to clean up your house."

"...Shit, I forgot about that." Bee blinked as she hovered back to the air. She looked at the Short King Wannabe and raised her right hands. "Uh, Luci, I have new complaints about this month-long punishment!"

"Then you should have stopped him BEFORE Sera found out about his existence." The King of Hell snapped and then smiled at her. Bee grumbled under her breath, but lowered to land beside him. He rested on his cane and grinned at Naruto, foul Vibes just filling the room. "So, kiddo, ready to know your punishment for being so reckless around Char-Char?"

"You just said–"

"Your punishment for the aforementioned failure, Bee-Lzebub, is to have no access to your free, onsite clean up crew."

"Jokes on you, I haven't actually been home in like...huh, is it three months now?" Naruto asked, looking at his sister. Bee counted on one set of hands while the other scratched her chin and rested on her hip.

"...That's why Tex complained about the smell…"

"Sis." Naruto deadpanned. She blinked at him and he groaned into his hand. "I swear, it's like you do this on purpose."

"What? Party in my house as weekly as possible to make sure half-dressed cuties clean it where I can record and watch? No, that's not like me at all." Bee scoffed and investigated her nails. Naruto squinted at her. She arched a brow. "What? Do you think I do that on purpose?"

"I didn't think it was, but now I'm starting to suspect it might have been, y'know." He opened his mouth to say more when a large red scaled claw wrapped around his neck and hoisted him into the air. Both of his hands went to the one around his throat. It wasn't blocking the airway, but, y'know, around the throat. "Okay! This is preferable to both Bee's Homicide Hug–"

"Hey! I don't try to kill you every time I hug you."

"–and the Scruff Grab!"

"Learned something kinky about Naru-Baby today."

"You see this finger, Oz? You see it? Because I mean it!"

"This is why no one takes the Seven Deadly Sins seriously." The Naked Dragoness deadpanned. "Lord Lucifer, can you put the limiter on so we can get on with our day? I'm pretty sure my finger is infected with Hellbies."

"Hey, I've had my shots!"

"Not all of the ones we mean." Douchifer chuckled as he walked along the top of the table and poked Naruto's stomach with his cane. Oh, fuck. He knew that feeling of ice coursing through his body. He just had his magic blocked. "Now, the rules are simple. There's three in total. Rule number One! You cannot go into your True Demonic Form."

...Oh, that bodes so poorly.

"Rule number Two! No magic or whatever else it is that you use."

...Bodes less poorly, and now he's intrigued.

"And Rule number Three!" Douchifer grinned and poked him in the chest. "Don't die."

...He knows exactly where he's going. Fuck, he was getting excited.

Don't wriggle.

Swoosh-swish!

Do not wriggle.

Swoosh-swish!

Do not wriggle!

Swoosh-swish! Swoosh-swish!

"Lucia, open a portal to The Pit." The King of Hell ordered. A portal opened beneath him and–Fuck, yes. He was being sent to The Pit of Wrath! Naruto's body is ready for this.

Tail, now you may wriggle.

Swoosh-swish! Swoosh-swish! Swoosh-swish!

Much to Bee's disapproval, Luci demanded that they watch the first few minutes of his punishment. Baby Bro was dropped into a free-for-all amongst The Pit's participants and pretty much disappeared into the fray of flesh and blood. And then, fifteen minutes after that, he took center stage and started to rip through all of his opposition. Forty minutes after he arrived, the second block of participants replaced the first that he'd already decimated.

Bee tried to warn Luci, but he just kept having the hottie Lucia send wave after wave of souls in. They were on wave sixty-nine – nice – and down to the last three participants.

"Come on, tons of fun! Let's boogie!" Baby Bro jeered as he threw himself at a giant Wrathborn known as a Rager – not at all what she thought the name meant, by the way. – and started beating the fifteen-foot-tall beast into the dirt. With the arm of another Wrathborn. Bee wasn't an expert, but she's pretty sure that the arm belonged to the brother of the one that was being beaten.

"...It's only been three hours, right?" Luci asked.

"Yep." Bee drawled boredly as she tossed some caramel chicken legs into her mouth. At least Baby Bro was having fun.

"Fuck." Ozzie gagged as one of the other two surviving Hounds – Bee seriously needed to send memos out to the few merc squads and outland packs that listened to her and remind them that initiations via The Pit were forbidden; she's pretty sure those two blooded boys were trying to join The Hunters – was kicked off of Baby Bro into a spinning fan. Bee reached over and held Ozzie's hair as he dumped his face into a bucket.

"Okay, just...fucking how?" Luci asked as the other Hellhound got its lower jaw punched off. Bee winced, she doubted that was planned. Baby Bro looked surprised and apologetic, before the glory-glutton came back.

"Baby Bro spent a day training with Cerb, Herb and Russ two weeks ago."

"...Your brother trains with Cerberus? The original Cerberus?" Lucia asked. Her eyes hadn't left the screen since it was turned on.

"No, the one from Envy–Yes, duh." Bee rolled her eyes. "Jerks keep trying to sneak him out of my house. Thirty-percent sure it's Cerb's idea to get back at me for my one fuckup."

"You fucked a Balrog on their bed." Ozzie reminded her.

"Yeah, and it wasn't even worth it. Pussy only managed two rounds." Bee scoffed bitterly. "Wasn't worth losing the Trio of Talented Tongues..."

"You fucked Cerberus? What's that like?" Lucia asked.

"Eh, depends on which head I focused on."

"Oh, come on, you're five times his size! Fuck! Someone fucking gut this brat already!" Luci snapped with a scowl. Bee growled at him, but he ignored her. He pointed at the sexy naked dragon in the room. Shit, Bee wanted her to sit on her; she was so thicc. "Send in the next wave! And one of the special breeds!"

"Alright. We have a Flesh Render–"

"Send it! Fucking send it!" Luci grinned. Lucia shrugged and the King of Hell cackled...until the render took out half of the opposing force while Baby Bro mopped up the rest and then snapped the Render's arm off to then use as his own weapon. "I just–How...Bee?"

"Yeah, Luci?"

"You raised him. You, I presume, didn't train him to do that." Luci gestured at the screen, where Baby Bro was now wielding the arm he'd snapped off the Flesh Render as a fucking sword against...huh, Samurai Imp, that's new. "The fuck is wrong with this kid?!"

"Nothing's wrong with Baby Bro!" Bee scowled. The fucking nerve! "He's just glory-gluttonous."

"Do you mean...Battle hungry?" Lucia asked.

"I would say, blood lusting." Ozzie smirked. That fucker–! He knows how Bee feels about people trying to take her shit!

"Glory-Gluttonous!" Bee snarled at the two. Their vibes were way too amused for her liking. She crossed two arms and munched on another leg. "He likes winning. It lets him brag and quote 'prove his awesomeness to nonbelievers'."

"...Damn, Boss, maybe you should've adopted him. Then lil' Char-Baby would've had a brother–"

"Oz/Ozzie, shut the fuck up." Bee and Luci growled at the Sin of Lust.

"...We may need to send him down a few levels." Lucia hummed. She wrote down something on a notepad meant for someone of her size – where it came from, Bee hadn't a fucking clue. Maybe she stored it in her cooch? ...Cloaca? ...Cooch-aca? Cooch-aca. – and put the pen to her lips. Sweet, supple lips. Bee was going to need some time with Vortex later. "...Maybe we can send him to Elysium?"

Annnd now Bee didn't need to go see Vortex. She looked at Luci, who leaned forward and rested his chin on his cane. He closed his eyes. Bee met Ozzie's gaze while Luci was thinking. The Sin of Lust shrugged – useless rooster. Thanks for the help, dickhead. – and she slumped in her seat.

Elysium was the most dangerous level of The Pit, named after a long abandoned glorious afterlife because it was ironically the opposite of that. Elysium would either prove you were one of the baddest of the bad motherfuckers in Hell...or you were all talk.

Honestly, without any of that Fuckwad's shit, his disaster magic or his True Form accessible to him, Bee didn't have high hopes of seeing him after the month ended.

"Do it."

"Yes, Lord Lucifer."

Bee reluctantly held her tongue and morosely swallowed another chicken leg–nope, that was the bucket. Now, she wanted some time with Vortex just to cuddle. ...Maybe a quickie. Mostly cuddle, tho.

AN: And so our challenge begins!

I'd just like to take this moment to point out, to those of you with technical difficulties on reading chapters or the site or the app...TAKE IT UP WITH THE FUCKING HELP DESK! I'm not I.T.!

And to you math fanatics out there...Thank you for the rough estimate to give to Ozzie. And Steve. Steve really appreciated that estimate. Now I have to stop him from following the path of Mr. Hands, and if you don't know who that is: DO NOT GOOGLE IT! I am protecting your search history and your virgin eyes!

Remember...It's fun and games until the NSA gets involved! ...wassat, Steve? ...Oh, right.

It's just fucking Fan-fiction