Chapter Eight: THE GREATEST

"I, I loved you and I still do

Just wanted passion from you

Just wanted what I gave you

I waited and waited"

Severus P.O.V.

"Clearly…" I scanned the classroom taking in the faces of the students who either dared to look at me with anxious anticipation, knew better than to look at me at all, or the few who knew my words weren't meant for them. "... some of you lacked concentration today. Let's see if we can't get you back on track with an essay on the importance of today's potions lesson in addition to your previously stated homework." Several groans were scattered around, the obvious displeasure of needing to re-educate themselves on their work only brought annoyance. Their one-sided grievances were lost to the fact I had to now grade more homework thanks to the lack of commitment to their potion assignments. The school bell's loud ringing may have just spared them any more extra work just based on their reluctant attitude.

Students hurried out and with a quick wave of my wand the bottled assignments started to filter their way to my desk. The mutterings of the children were mostly disguised amongst themselves, but barely to my surprise, one voice seemed to make it a point to be heard.

"You'd think the old bat of a man would've considered other people's time; as if we don't already have so much work. It's not like I didn't know all of it anyway."

The entitlement of this particular student was becoming tiresome to deal with, and I knew if I hadn't put an end to it now, I'd have further nurtured such an attitude. Regardless of the potential repercussions from her guardians.

"Miss Beaumont!" I called out, eyes on the back of the dark-haired Slytherin girl who whipped around at the sound of her name being called. The three Gryffindors joined her, looking just as surprised as their friend. I lifted a finger to beckon her to me. The teenager sighed while mumbling something to her friends before slowly making her way to stand in front of me. "Since it's such an inconvenience for you to accomplish a task as simple as writing you already know, then perhaps for your benefit… your extracurricular assignments can be forfeited as of this moment."

There was some satisfaction from seeing the bulging brown eyes and gaping mouth that stammered to try and find the right words, but I wouldn't allow her the courtesy. "You should find it easier to focus on your current schoolwork, in fact, to allow you some fresh air, it might be beneficial for you to spend the next three weeks in detention with our groundskeeper." With scarlet cheeks, a tightly clenched jaw, and a livid glare Elowyn said nothing as the corner of my lips curled. "You may leave."

She quickly marched her way out of the empty classroom, huffing as her potion supplies clattered about her in a rushed pursuit. The door closed and silence found its way once more in my presence. It was uncanny how her demeanor reenacted that of one particular guardian, just as much as her catty attitude toward authority figures. I bit the inside of my cheek as a flash of her with a sly smile, the mischief in her her eyes came over me. Closing my eyes I turned around to sit at my desk, doing my best to avoid thinking of her.

It had been three long weeks since the Yule Ball catastrophe, but it felt much longer in comparison to not speaking with Selini. I don't think I could've faced her anyway after listening to the sounds of her cries outside of my door. The detestable way I spoke to her was to only drive a wedge between us, and it wasn't out of just the inevitable rejection I knew loomed over us.

'It had to be done… I could never live with myself if something happened to her…'

Igor Karkaroff's claims of the Dark Lord returning were amplified by my own mark. I knew what he said to be true; something was stirring and it was no coincidence for this to be happening during this blasted tournament and Potter's name somehow being called forth. Igor's manic speeches were projections of his fear; something I was sure would be addressed if the Dark Lord did rise.

I squeezed my left arm, feeling the impression of the Dark Mark that was seared into the flesh. After years of having it, I had gotten used to the tender skin rubbing against the fabric of my sleeves, but now it prickled more painful even when I'd allow the bare skin to be exposed within my privacy. This was a warning to us all, a foretelling of a past coming to life once more within my lifetime.

I grabbed my quill while waving my wand to levitate each vial that the students had concocted of their latest, and most miserably prepared, potions assignment; examining them in an attempt to take me away from the idea that war would be upon us. The thought of having to once again put myself in danger at the risk of helping Dumbledore in whatever he needed from me. Once again to risk my life for the greater good, to repay a silent and harbored debt that could never be fully repaid. Another year older and the notion that there was never such a thing as comforting safety or tranquil peace, but constant vigilance and staying on guard was something I had accepted many years ago. It didn't dissipate the exhaustion of covering my tracks, however.

I knew what was at stake—no, who was at stake. A child with eyes that will beleaguer my conscience till my last breath, an obligation that no matter what I did could never wash away the blood on my hands. It would make it less of a pain if he didn't act like his swine of a father, or even look more like him than he did Lily. Now, there was another I had to protect and accomplish just that the only way that I knew; push her away to ensure she wanted nothing to do with me. Like cutting down a blooming and budding tree that's only just begun to flourish, or throwing a barely written journal in the fire, I had to snuff the entirety of 'us' out.

I focused more on the work in front of me, realizing what little attention I was giving to their assignments. I needed this distraction in order to retain what maddening ideas that occurred at the thought of being discovered as the snake within the hen house, no those I could only entertain for so long before carrying on as normal, but the thoughts of Selini paying the price for my choices on the sole purpose of her association to me was not something I could ever handle.

I barely upheld myself when Lily's death occurred, and I could not withstand the idea of Selini's tortuous end. This was the best protection I could offer her; hurt her to save her. Having her so close within my grasp only to shove her away was a sick game that fate must've wanted for entertainment. How could our paths cross just for another circumstance to forbid any union between us? The sounds of her crying, begging, and pleading for my presence echoed through my thoughts, gripping tightly the quill with such strain my hand was aching before scolding myself back into concentration on the project at hand.

Even as I carried on I still thought of her cries, her whimpers of pain, and how I had only heard it once before. It was the type of wailing that held suffering in every tear, something that I had heard often when I was younger from my mother. The mirroring of anguish was unmistakable, and though I had been accustomed to it, it never eased the wrongfulness or indignity I felt when I witnessed such a display of pain.

I had wandered back to Godrics Hollow not long after I was told that they were buried there, and wanted to see her resting place in order to pay my respects.

'How laughable, as if she were to ever want me anywhere near her, alive or dead.' The bitter words I thought caused my throat to constrict, breath hitching my chest before I cleared my throat. Trying to ease the building tension within my body, and mind. Regardless of how hard I was trying to avoid the memories, they seemed to will themselves to be reminisced upon.

I had noticed a figure, cloaked in red, moving within the shadows of the snowy night heading toward the same destination I was venturing to. This figure didn't seem to notice me when I held back, the black of my clothing hiding me exceptionally well. I watched the lithe movements of this figure stop short at the now infamous home located in Godrics Hollow. This person lingered for longer than I would assume anyone scuttling about the little village would normally do. I remember standing watching them pull themselves away and hurry out of sight toward the graveyard that was located relatively close by.

Catching up to the figure I kept myself hidden behind any tree, or tombstone but it seemed insignificant as the person was standing at the familiar grave of those I had condemned to them. I remember the moment before realizing who they could've been, the way she had lifted her hood off to allow the dark, nearly ebony hair to fall around her face. I watched her drop to her knees, more heartache, remorse, and disgrace flooded over me as I imagined what she would've felt and thought in that moment.

When was the last time the two women had seen each other? Was their bond as strong as it always had been? Did they leave each other with warm goodbyes or had they just fought and never mended the disagreement? I hadn't seen her since she had attempted to visit me in Spinner's End; she looked more grown when I watched her from a distance that day. I could still see the youth in her soft and round cheeks, her eyes smeared with black liner but nonetheless looked as angelic as I remembered. When I had seen her once more that night in Godrics Hollow, maneuvering around and keeping a safe distance from being spotted I had noticed she looked worse than I had known she was capable of being.

She looked as if she hadn't slept in so long, her hair looking a ratted mess, eyes with dark circles unbeknownst from the signature smeared makeup or the lack of sleep. Her skin was so pale she looked like she belonged next to her friend in that grave. I had never seen Selini Maeve Thorne look so diminished and broken the way she did. The worst was yet to come as the small whimpers turned into sobbing and soon weeping in front of the grave. I won't forget the sounds of her cries. I couldn't watch her anymore, knowing that a great cause of this tremendous agony had come from me. To break one of the strongest women I had known down into rubble made me nauseous.

Her distressed and disheveled appearance was evident anytime I had caught a small glimpse of her appearance during these past few weeks, reminding me of this scene that played in my mind when I could catch sight of her. Though she was nowhere near the same state as that night, it was noticeable that the once well-dressed and groomed woman put little effort into what she wore and cared even less if anyone noticed. She rarely came to the staff table for meals, and the few times I had seen her she seemed paler, devoid of any light around her. She and that ditzy woman, Aurora Ramsey, made it a point to sit on the farthest side of the High Table. This decision had left Igor Karkaroff no choice but to sit in the available seats next to me, a further disgruntling issue other than the one purposefully avoiding me. From the hallways of gossip and rumors, it was apparent that her mood was reflective of how she was keeping Filch busy with detentions she sentenced to unsuspecting students. I had to admit that our ways of handling our personal lives were oddly similar.

"Damn…" Hissing, I had marked the correct question wrong thanks to my memory distraction. Letting my breath go in order to simmer my frustration I flicked my wand to erase what I had done and started again before finishing the paper and setting my quill down. It seemed that no matter what I did I simply couldn't concentrate on these assignments and could only divulge myself in today's set of regrets and pains.

I couldn't stand the thought of creating any more pain in her life, regardless of what I believed to be better for her protection, and remembered a time when all I wanted was a chance to create that bewitching smile on her lips; to make sure it was because of me and no one or anything else. Ever since we were children and discovered each other within our neighborhood and found someone who displayed magical abilities. When I saw her smile after sharing our birth dates, she had been so elated to have parties between Lily and me to celebrate all of us. I had only ever known my mother to try and celebrate my birthday any way she could, normally without the company of presents but gentle gestures and a hug.

On an unsuspecting day I hadn't thought much of the date, nor did I want to. A day before my birthday, the two small girls had coaxed me out of my home in order to present me with pastries and presents. I remember the embarrassment, even anger, of not having anything to give them, of the vexation my small body could muster together at this kind notion. As if I needed a reminder of just how well off those two were compared to me. Selini and Lily assured me they didn't want anything in return, that they wanted me to keep what they brought for me. Selini's stubbornness wouldn't let me say otherwise, and after explaining they didn't spend money on these gifts it somehow made it better to know that these items were handmade or somehow a hand-me-down. The shame had melted away and the guilt only dissipated slightly. If only I had the resources to give them more than they ever wanted.

I kept the pair of gloves that Lily had given me for years. They were a dark verdant green that was faded with impressions around the knuckles from usage. They currently are stored away safely within my home. I can only bear to look at them from time to time; even I wasn't immune to the longing of nostalgic times. Selini had fashioned some paper to look like a butterfly and was able to enchant it even at such a young age to flutter about. That paper was kept with the pair of gloves. They were small, but the most precious gifts I had received in my life, accompanied by the bright and vibrant smiles of my closest friends.

Yes, instead of fighting and taking out our frustrations on each other, we would seek comfort. We would do what we could to try and alleviate each other's pain, especially between me and Selini.

I rubbed my face with my hands, leaning on my right hand to press into my forehead, closing my eyes for a moment at the assault of memories coming forth. Was it a curse from Lily to add more torment and conflict to my life? Was it some personal demon of mine that took joy from the fact that I had trouble at times countering these violent attacks on my brain and heart? Whatever the case may be, sometimes it was better to let the beast continue its rampage before it settled once more. A potion or two to help me sleep and ease my mind would certainly be in my future.

If only I hadn't succumbed to the Fire Whiskey's persuasive nature, I might possibly still have her. If I had just controlled myself better, then I wouldn't have spent nearly two decades of my life battling with myself. That wouldn't have stopped her though; the ever-tiring game of wanting everything to do with me before running off to get more from Sirius Black was as disgusting as the mess of using Flobberworms as an ingredient. I was devastated that she would even agree to be his, and more so conflicted with how she couldn't have chosen me.

'Is it truly hard to believe that? Come now, we've gone over this before…' I thought with a snarl and pushed myself away from my desk, leaning back into my chair as my chest rose and faltered with the quickened pace of my heart rate. She had even said it herself; I was unworthy of anything involving myself with her, in not so many words. I had to let her sever the tie between us or I'd follow her until the very end with nothing but hope and disappointment. Life carried on in a blur of painful distaste for someone I would've given my life for had she asked. I did my best to steer clear of her and Black but with similar classes it wasn't easy. Lily had done her best between the two of us but even she fell short, and not long after my falling out with Selini did the wretched day of torture from James Potter and Sirius Black did I lose Lily Evans as well.

I couldn't have either of them around me, I couldn't count on them like I had once thought. It was better to be with those who would welcome me, even if it meant petty comradery than actual friendship. If I could've stopped my younger self from walking into the devil's den, and just think instead of pursuing associations and a life that I knew didn't fair well, knew that was trouble, then perhaps things could be so very different now. Instead, I chose wrong. I chose an allegiance that shamefully put me in a position where those two girls would've despised me more than they already did.

So, of course, I couldn't let Selini see me. I wanted nothing more than to throw that door open and look at her face to face, but how could I stand before her as a young man that I knew she'd barely recognize? She'd had left quicker than when she came back.

A small, soft knock had broken me out of my concentration, and usually, this would be a great annoyance, but I was almost glad that something was pulling me away from my distressing thoughts. However, an unscheduled appearance during this free period usually meant only one person would make her way to see me. Was she here to avenge her ward's distress from their encounter with me? Yell at me for how I treated her and forced our friendship back? I couldn't disguise the hopefulness I had felt, regardless of how hypocritical it was to wish such a thing. A deep sigh and an inexpressive look fixed upon my face before deciding to allow this force of a woman to tear me down even more. It's what I deserved, anyway.

I said nothing as I used my wand to open the door, returning to grading the vials at hand and making notes. I heard the soft and slow patter of shoes making their way to my desk, but I did not look up from my desk as I spoke. "If you're here about Miss Beaumont, I'm afraid there's nothing further to discuss–" Once I glanced up I was shocked this time; that uppity woman that clings to Selini more than Elowyn Beaumont or Harry Potter was standing in front of me. Her arms crossed and looked rather timid, shifting her weight from one side to the other.

"I'm afraid this has nothing to do with Elowyn, this time, at least." She answered while biting her lip before taking a step further. "So… H-how've you been?"

Her American accent only made sense with how silly the rest of her was; her usual chipper demeanor wasn't as escalated, but the air about her seemed melancholy. Even with the disguise of pleasantries, there was something different about her I couldn't quite decipher. It was quite preposterous of how she started off

"...That was possibly the most foolish greeting I've ever had the displeasure of bearing witness to." I didn't hide my annoyance or uninterested view of her or whatever she may have to say. I'd most certainly want to take Selini or even an evening with Potter before wanting to speak with Ramsey.

Her shoulders slacked as she glanced away, huffing and licking her lips before holding her hands up and looking at me once again, her eyes about as lively as dried bark. "Alright, fair enough. I'm just gonna cut to the chase of it; I need you to speak to Maeve… like, yesterday." Her tone did dip showing the seriousness of her words only amplified by her hands resting on her hips.

I didn't react, concealing the wave of nerves, and steeled myself to make sure I wouldn't break. Scanning her body language and her face I didn't see anything showing the usual signs of prying or lies from her. I waved, once again, to stop the levitation from the student's vials and pushed up on my desk to stand and lean over slowly before staring into the woman's eyes. "I don't see how that's any of your business… Ramsey."

"Oh, now we're interested, aren't we?" She countered without changing her position. "It wasn't any of my business until it started affecting her everyday life and spilled into her work. I've seen Maeve deal some harsh punishments before, but this is getting out of hand. She just gave a second year two months detention because they made an inappropriate joke! Stuff like that usually earns them just an evening, or something smaller… Point is this has gone on far enough—"

"And just what exactly do you think I can do?" I had enough.

Cutting off her rambling seemed to diminish a bit of her confident stance. "You clearly have no idea what you're talking about, and I refuse to entertain whatever asinine idea about what you might think is salvageable. Leave, Ramsey." Settling back into my chair I waited for her to exit without wavering of my eye contact.

She ran a hand through her hair before bringing both hands together as if in prayer, and rested her forehead on them, taking a deep breath before pointing both hands to me. It seemed like she wasn't going to be easy to get rid of at this rate.

"You're right, I don't have the whole story, and you know why?" She took this moment to walk up to the front of my desk, sitting down on it without any acknowledgment of the look of bewilderment I gave her. "Anytime she's tried to tell she turns into a mess, or quickly leaves and makes up some ridiculous excuse, or spends most of her time locked away! Whatever happened at the Yule Ball has turned her into someone I thought I'd never see again—it took me years to watch her get better and a few more before she could explain what her problem was!" For such a tiny woman her voice carried strong, firmer than I had experienced while she taught here. I wouldn't have guessed her voice had such a strong pitch had I not witnessed it.

I stared at her wide-eyed to take in all of her words about the current well-being of Selini. If this was the beating while I was already crumbling it wasn't what I expected and stung more than I anticipated coming from the woman before me. I gathered myself, looking down for a moment before swallowing and looking back to her, a hardened look on my face as I kept my tone low. "And you expect me to just walk up to her and fix her just so she what, shows up to dinner and slacks on her punishments?"

"No, I expect you to be the childhood friend that she told me about. You know, the one that she went out of her way for to try and make up for her mistakes, and even apologize, but denied her the chance? The one that could… get her to speak about the issues that go on within her head. What a privilege that must be, I wouldn't know or else I'd be with her now." Her tone had lowered with each sentence to match mine. There was no way to mistake the light jealousy in the way she narrowed her eyes, but I could see most of the animosity was coming from my lack of understanding of her reasoning.

I tapped my desk once, twice, thrice before stepping up and rounding the desk to stand in front of her, staring at her unwavering gaze as she followed mine. "Why does she not… open up to you?"

The woman's demeanor changed, softened even as she leaned forward off of the desk and jumped down. "My guess?... I think a lot of it comes from the fear of losing people." She moved past me to create enough space between us, leaning against the first row of desks while turning to me. "I mean, from what little I understand she just can't take the idea of losing anyone. You know more than I do about her youth, but the one thing that I say affected her was the death of Lily."

Hearing this woman speak Lily's name left a foreign feeling within my chest, as if secretive information had just been revealed. I grappled with the idea of what Ramsey was speaking about. She had people around her at Hogwarts, but her home life had seen devastation thanks in all parts to her mother's infidelity, and from Selini's point of view, had been the beginning of the destruction between her mother and father. Perhaps I had missed more than intended, but Selini had a rather stubborn habit of telling others she was fine when she was hiding something. I remember when she informed me within those months of reconnection that both her parents had passed, both incidents were never explained fully, but the words she told me left much to be understood.

'Someone put my mother in the grave, and that put my father down with her.' Remembering her words I could only had a few ideas since that conversation, none worth asking any further or needing to. The hurt was still present in her face as she had changed the subject.

'They're gone, Lily's gone, I hadn't heard her speak of Lupin nor Black since being here… and me. Gone.' The pieces formed as I held the woman's stare, watching as she investigated my face, but I said nothing for her to continue.

"That's what I mean by her finally opening up a little to me. Told me she lost her two best friends, one by circumstances of life and the other by death. That's all she told me at the time, and then we got here, and you all had that weird… reuniting and she finally told me everything. I didn't say this to her but it made sense why she was so closed up for so long…"

What Aurora Ramsey didn't realize was she knew even less if that were the case, and only put more of an emphasis on what I'd just connected. I watched the way with each sentence she had devolved into that timider nature she had when walking in. Her words seemed to suggest an uneasiness to reveal this to me, inclining that she was explaining too much.

"I just…" She started once more, lifting from her spot to stand tall in front of me. "... watched her become livelier once you came back into the picture. I watched while she held you in high regard, how it made her feel when you both shared something, or just the general uplifted spirits she had when she would come back from visiting you… Not to mention her joy of going to a ball with you, Christ." Ramsey chuckled to herself before shaking her head and started to walk to the door. "You changed her for the better, and now I'm seeing shit that I don't want to see, so maybe just do what you can to fix it." she turned around just before she got to the door, putting her hands on her hips before finishing. "Because I know she still gives a fuck about you. She always has and this only proves it."

"And if I can't?" I could've let her leave, I should've even, but her involvement only solidified the need to satiate my curiosity and revive the ever necromantic idea of hope. I couldn't take it back now. "If I can't fix it?"

She raised her eyebrows and looked at me before smirking, a deviousness in her expression I hadn't seen before. "It's you, Severus Snape. An apology can go a long way you know, and besides if she can't completely open up to me, she deserves someone around where she feels safe enough to do so... Keep in mind you aren't just some 'blook frum douwn thu street'." She giggled at her horrible impression and straightened back up when she spotted my unamused expression. "Whatever, you get what I'm saying. Just, eventually, please talk to her." Professor Ramsey turned after a pause and exited my classroom.

I stood there letting the words absorb the weight of what they carried in my mind unleashing the full force of the headache that threatened to arrive, and the gripping sensation of my chest for my heart. That ridiculous woman had a horrible way with words, and I honestly couldn't understand why Selini kept her around with how she acted. I couldn't deny that her words didn't affect me so.

With the threat of danger on the horizon and the fear of feeling completely lost and turned away from her once more, it was easier for me to lock up what I felt about Selini Thorne and let the chest drop into the bottom of the ocean. Just when I thought those memories, those feelings, were lost the chest would come back ashore like today. I remember a time when I wasn't plagued by her memories, and how I almost forgot what color of her eyes. If it weren't for her vivacious reputation which she built her wandless abilities, along with a profession as a very strict professor, I'd like to believe I could've let her be lost. Yet ever since she returned it was like she found that chest herself and broke the lock and ripped open the top, allowing everything I had felt and remembered to run rampant across my mind and my heart. She walked through those doors with two others, but I didn't register them, nor did I want to. The closer she had gotten all of what I repressed started to consume me.

She had swept into her adult features and figure with such grace, the way she has blossomed left me nearly speechless, to say the least. Her hair wasn't the dark main that she incessantly kept colored, but in fact, the natural auburn I once knew her with. Her eyes were what captivated me the most, and always had; venomous green eyes as bright as the moon when it was full, inviting as a werewolf's call to its pack. No makeup was smeared over her eyes and were neatly lined which made her eyes the most notable feature on her face. A face only men had mentioned fighting wars for in any poetic literature I had read. A woman you could ever be so lucky and humbled to know in twenty lifetimes.

Those eyes had transfixed me for years. When time weathered the vibrancy of them it didn't eradicate how they made me, or completely lose the idea of how they looked. In the beginning, as much as I protested with myself, I didn't care to admit to myself now that I still only wanted her full attention. Aggravating her in the beginning, seeing her fiercely protective nature over the two children she kept by her most of the time, all worthwhile just to see her react to me, to speak to me. I was certain I had pushed her too far until she finally started to acknowledge me again, as casually as she could feign. I let her carry on before finally breaking myself on the pretense of not wanting her to give up on me. It created this strange relationship that I wasn't sure what to call other than acquaintances.

As much as I wanted to be closer to her, I was convinced that at the time there was no possible way that I could just erase what had happened between us, and though I pulled away each time it was like she knew what to do to counteract all of the moves. Even the way she looked at me, the way she spoke to me, had grown to be more than just friendly. Her actions centered around the Yule Ball had proved me wrong; I couldn't deny that she was gravitating to me. That this pull between us wasn't what I had known before, but something more.

Mutual, maybe?

I slowly walked back to sit at my desk and steadied myself to sit down. I was far too tense after flashes of our dancing spun through my mind. We were bound to linger within some type of cycle that wasn't finished and would yet cease. Even in this separation, I knew it couldn't possibly be over, even with my guilt and shame something wasn't over yet.

I couldn't let her get wrapped up in my world with how dangerous it was, I would never forgive myself if she were gone from this world, but I couldn't deny that I yearned for someone so selfishly I would've put her at risk all for just one night with her. To hold her in many ways, to show her all of my love for her as much as I could muster knowing it wouldn't be enough.

'But I'd never subject her, would I?'

No, there was no way. I'd have to accommodate her well-being before putting my egotistical desires into play. She brought so much peace to my universe that the least I could do was push her away so she might one day find it again.

A/N: I know, I know, I said I'd take a break to fix up the other chapters buuut I couldn't help myself. Reviews really do help inspire me to keep going, and are lovely to receive! This chapter may be shorter, but it was almost easier to write within a day, and I felt like we needed this. I hope it captures the disarray of Severus' mind to show his conflicted feelings for her, and what Maeve means to him. I wanted it to flow a certain way, and I hope that it wasn't too hard to follow. Also, give it up for bestie of the year, Miss Aurora Dawn Ramsey! I should have the next chapter up at some point, we'll be able to take a look at how Maeve is doing, a scene with Moody and hopefully what you all would consider a bit of comedic relief before a show down between our two favorite Slytherins.

Much thanks and love,

TJ