This chapter is based on "Operation: C.A.N.N.O.N." (the third episode to air, and the fifth to be produced). This marks the first of several things in no particular order-the first appearance of Count (or, in this case, Countess) Spankulot, who makes a minor appearance before his (or her) first major appearance in "Operation: S.P.A.N.K." (the chapter based on which is the third one of Series 2, which will be coming to you as soon as I can get it up); the first (and arguably only major, or the closest appearance they had to major) appearance of the Proper Patrol (who make cameos in five more episodes); the first time Mrs. Uno's (or her counterpart Mr. Uno's) voice is heard; the first time Father (or Mother) is mentioned before (s)he properly appears in "Operation: G.R.O.W.-U.P." (the two chapters based on which will be the last of Series 1, and up and going as soon as I can post them). This and the previous episode are paired together on various platforms, with the next two following suit, and the next two after those also following suit, and so on and so forth (sans the specials, which take up one entire episode); and the first time the carnival is seen; among others. I first got the name and design for Countess Spankulot from a DeviantArt picture by toxicanvil243 (see the URL for this picture at the end of the chapter), which also has the names and the designs I was inspired by for Papa Stuffum (Gramma Stuffum's counterpart, who will appear in the next chapter "Operation: N.O.-P.O.W.U.H.") and Ms. Fizz (Mr. Fizz's counterpart, who will appear in "Operation: P.O.P.," the second chapter of Series 2, which I also plan to get up as soon as possible), and I also made up Mr. Uno and the genderbent Proper Patrol myself. That being said, let's get reading this chapter!
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Kids Next Door Mission
Operation
C.A.N.N.O.N.
Cannon
And
Nap-time
Not
Occurring
Normally
Numbuh 1 and her team's treehouse stood majestically over the neighborhood on another sunny day, awaiting another exciting mission its operatives would undertake.
Inside the briefing room, Numbuh 1 stood at the podium with a suitcase to her left, making an important announcement to her team. "My fellow Kids Next Door," she began, "I'm afraid I must leave on a top-secret mission." She pointed to herself with her thumb. "I, Numbuh 1, will singlehandedly infiltrate a massive adult torture facility," she continued, walking to her right, throwing her fists in the air, and making powerful movements with them, "filled with monstrous mechanical devices designed to make children vomit..." She demonstrated vomiting. "...uncontrollably."
"Eeeewww..." Numbuhs 2 and 4 said disgustedly, looking down at the hologram machine.
But Numbuhs 3 and 5 were more mesmerized. "Wow..." they said, ready to see more of their bald-spotted leader's demonstration.
"And that's not all..." Nicole continued, but just then, a voice called from below the treehouse.
"Nicole dear, come along!" her father Mr. Uno called to his daughter. "You don't want to be late to our trip to Hap-Happy Land!"
The last three words made Nicole smile sheepishly to her team, who stared at her unimpressed. Hap-Happy Land. The amusement park where everyone—kids, teens, and adults alike—found all the heart-rising games from Ka-Pow! and Test Your Strength to the Shooting Gallery and Balloon Pop fun; enjoyed all the speedy roller coasters, dizzying spinning cup and airplane rides, and melodic Ferris wheels; munched on pleasant-smelling and appetizing popcorn, cotton candy, ice cream, corn dogs, pretzels, caramel apples, and more; wanted to take happy pictures next to the mascots; and all-around loved having a fun experience there. But Numbuh 1 wasn't one to go there when there was KND business about-especially not when adults were planning to lure the children of the world there to mind-control them! "Uhhh...gotta run!" she yelled, picking up her suitcase and disappearing out the door.
"It's relaxing time!" Numbuh 5 said in his usual laid-back manner.
"Yay!" Numbuh 3 agreed as the whole team went to sleep.
But little did they know something was going to upend their perfect nap, and they'd have to work all day and night to get rid of it.
Something sinister was brewing outside the briefing room, waiting outside one of the doorways to get some naughty children and punish them for whatever they had done to breach the rules, sneaking up on them when they least suspected it. The coast was clear, with none of the security enabled to stop it, and the children here were all fast asleep. Seeing the perfect opportunity to strike, the evil busted through the doorway, leaving smoke and debris in its wake. Numbuhs 2-5 were shocked awake, gasping at what they saw.
A shadowy figure stood in the doorway, seeing its helpless prey ready to be singlehandedly taken down. "Those who do not pay their library fines shall incur the stingy wrath of..." it began, emerging from the wreckage, advancing upon the numbuhs, and finally flying in the air, "Countess Spankulot!" That figure was revealed to be a pale-skinned vampire with long black hair and a fancy outfit—a black suit jacket, a frilly white dress shirt with a purple neck ribbon, a black skirt, a pair of black pump shoes with white tights, a pair of white gloves, a cape that looked like like bat wings, and prominently a lilac-colored medallion with a purple ribbon and an emblazoned purple letter S—who was ready to command her scare-'em-straight attitude toward them and strike terror in their hearts by smacking their posteriors with her hands. Feeling their adrenaline rush and grip their hearts, the operatives all turned their heads toward her and gasped and screamed in horror as she swooped down upon them.
Numbuh 5 tried to run to the left of an open doorway to the left-hand side of the staircase leading to the elevator, but Countess Spankulot grabbed the back of his shirt and dragged him toward her, proceeding to pick him up and spank him, and laughing evilly as he screamed in pain. The same thing happened with Numbuh 2 (who tried to escape across the control panel before Countess Spankulot got a hold of her right leg, and then tried to grab the floor to get herself free), Numbuh 3 (who was making a run for the busted doorway before the vampire grabbed the back of his shirt), and Numbuh 4 (who attempted to run upstairs to the elevator before Countess Spankulot got the back of her hood and said "Hey!" before she set her down). When this was done, the vampire looked at the kids and said, "There. All paid up," before laughing maniacally again and teleporting away in a cloud of dark purple smoke as they rubbed their painful butts.
"All right!" Numbuh 4 said angrily as Hillary walked toward the roundtable. "Who forgot to turn on the spanker-spotter defense grid?!"
Numbuh 5 shrugged his shoulders and said, "Uhhh...", while Numbuh 3 responded with a confused "I don't know!" and Numbuh 2 laid down with her eyes closed and her finger pointing up and added, "I think Numbuh 1 usually turns on the spanky-spotty thing," before falling asleep and snoring.
"Ugh!" Numbuh 4 facepalmed before two more evildoers broke through the ceiling.
These two were a woman with straight black hair and a man with curly auburn hair; who both wore green military uniforms with brown combat boots, black belts dotted with pouches, and helmets with insignia and lights that looked like those on headlamps; and flew in on jetpacks with black levers ending in red buttons to fire weapons. The woman's helmet had two chevrons and obscured her eyes, while the man wore sunglasses under his helmet that had three chevrons like his shirt's sleeves (the woman's sleeves didn't have chevrons). Both of them had their sights set on their prey, their hands sweating intensely on the levers, ready to deliver them a word of hurt with their lasers to force them to behave like they wanted them to. "Nice explosives work, Sergeant Sensible!" the man said to the woman. "Now let's make these kids presentable!"
"Yes, Major Mr. Manners, sir!" the woman said as if saluting the man without her hands.
Back on the floor, the operatives were surprised at the new threat facing them, Numbuh 2 even having woken up to look at their adversaries. "It's the Proper Patrol!" she yelled as she got up to escape again.
The villainous duo began pressing the buttons and firing green lasers at her and the other operatives from their helmets, destroying the floor and scaring the numbuhs. "Hahaha!" Major Mr. Manners laughed, "Yee-haw!"
At that exact moment, Numbuh 2 was running across the controls again, barely avoiding one of the lasers that gave off a sudden increase of heat in the air. A few moments after that; another laser hit her squarely on the top of her head; giving her a sensation as if she were being electrocuted, sending this electricity throughout her body, and causing her to scream loudly as she was enveloped in a blast of yellow and green with her body appearing with a yellow outline and black dots. A few seconds after that, she came out without her helmet and goggles, and in their place stood a full head of brown hair with her pigtails standing up with pink bows; while she wore a matching pink dress with white puffy sleeves, a pair of white frilly socks, and a pair of matching pink sandals. "Huh?" she asked, looking at herself.
Elsewhere, in the hallways, Numbuhs 4 and 5 were trying to escape Sergeant Sensible, who continued firing her lasers. They too were hit, their clothes transformed into "proper" clothes—Willie's into an outfit similar to Hillary's, but with long sleeves, non-frilly socks, blue sandals, and her braids perfectly brushed and tied with yellow bows; and Alberto's into a sailor suit with a blue short-sleeved shirt and blue shorts, a huge white hat with blue lining, tan shoes, and also his hair was perfectly straight as well. The two grumpily muttered to themselves as they fumed over their outfit changes, with Numbuh 5 saying, "I cannot believe this."
Back in the briefing room, Numbuh 3 was screaming and running across the control panel on the opposite side from where Numbuh 2 had been running, but Major Mr. Manners hit him with a laser and changed his outfit to a similar sailor suit to Numbuh 5 with a white jacket and without a hat.
The villains regrouped at the bottom of the staircase near the doorway that Countess Spankulot had busted, their mission successfully accomplished. "Good work!" Major Mr. Manners said triumphantly. "Now let's get back to base and hang those new laced curtains!" He flew out of the hole they had made in the ceiling, with Sergeant Sensible not far behind (though not without some trouble with starting her jetpack). Immediately after, the KND operatives, who were watching them (Numbuh 5 holding a French horn), looked down at their "proper" outfits in disgust, saying "Eeewwww!" in unison. They ran off to change into their normal clothes (they each had a lot of spare outfits on hand) and style their hair back to normal, and then came back as soon as they were done, Numbuh 5 kicking the brass instrument away.
"So what the crud is going on here?!" Numbuh 4 asked furiously, holding her hands out in front of her. "Where were our super-powered anti-adult air-attack missiles?!" she continued, throwing her fists in the air, before noticing something happening at a table elsewhere in the room.
Numbuh 3 was seated at the table with two of these missiles; which were dressed like a woman with a green dress, a yellow necklace, a brown sunhat with pink feathers, and a short brown mustache; and a man with a red suit jacket, a white dress shirt, a light blue tie, a white bowler hat, and a monocle on one "eye." He held a teacup full of glowing green uranium to the one with the red suit, supporting it with a saucer on the bottom. "Ahem, more uranium, Mr. Missile?" he asked, ready to pour some of this uranium in another teacup at this missile's place.
"WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?!" Numbuh 4 screamed as a drill came smashing loudly through the floor to her right, which churned her insides and threw her heart in the wringer of terror. She gasped as it continued moving up, trying to maintain her balance on the ground. Then suddenly the drill knocked her back across the room, causing her to scream "Whoa!", and sending her flying a short distance and landing on her back.
The drill reached its full diameter and broke through the hole, rising slightly upward to allow two arms to go through. The arms touched the ground; pushing the rest of the contraption through; which consisted of a pod with glass walls that encased someone so important the public wouldn't have easy access to them, a pedestal supporting that pod to demonstrate their high horse, metal walls surrounding that pod on all sides but the front to ensure maximum protection, ten front-facing spikes (five on on either side) that struck terror in the hearts of even the bravest KND operatives, a claw below the drill that was ready for the recipients of that someone's sentences, and finally a red light above the pod on the right-hand side to alert the commoners of the so-very-very-very-important person's (or people's) presence, as well as the drill. The claw extended outward, looking for the recipients of the judgement, while Numbuh 4 held her right hand up as she looked up in terror, then it changed course and picked up the blonde-haired Australian girl, who screamed in terror at the thought of what her punishment might be.
Numbuh 3, still oblivious to the situation, continued his and the missile's discussion over tea at the table. "How is Mr. Meltdown?" she asked the missile in the green dress, just as the arm destroyed his fantasy, broke the table, knocked the missiles to the ground, and grabbed him as well. Both of the operatives screamed as the claw continued its search of the briefing room floor and found Numbuhs 2 and 5 sleeping at the roundtable (shocking them awake as it grabbed them as well).
The four numbuhs all screamed as the arm finally brought them before the someone in the pod—none other than the Delightful Children From Down The Lane, who were back for revenge for what happened to their and the Ice Cream Women's party. "Good evening, Kids Next Door," they began, their milky blue eyes producing an eerie fire that spread despair to all who looked into it. "Is your leader away? Too bad she'll miss your utter destruc...what?!" They were cut off by an alarm beeping inside the pod, which made the light bulb above them flash red. "Curses! That curfew alert! Ummm..." they continued, eerily smiling as Lyla grabbed the golden tassel head to her left that was suspended by a red cord. "We have to leave now, or Mother will be..." the DCFDTL went on as Lyla pulled the cord which releasing the numbuhs, "positively FURIOUS!"
The five sinister children left through the hole they had made in the floor as Numbuhs 3-5 sat up and Numbuh 2 went back to sleep. "I don't BELIEVE THIS!" Numbuh 4 shouted furiously, standing up with flat hands above her head. "Numbuh 1 leaves for two minutes," she continued, holding two fingers up and waving her fists in the air, "and everyone and their grandma attacks us!" Then she held her flat hands in front of her as Numbuh 5 rubbed his head and continued, "We're the Kids Next Door! We're supposed to be ready for anything!" Finally she pointed at Numbuh 2 and finished with, "But just look at Numbuh 2—she's asleep!" before performing an airborne elbow drop on Hillary and waking her up.
"Hey, what'd you do that for?" Numbuh 2 asked, irritated at her nap having been interrupted.
"You're SLEEPING!" Numbuh 4 fumed as she pointed her finger at her teammate and then turned it to the sky. "You wouldn't be sleeping if Numbuh 1 was here! If Numbuh 1 was here, we'd be optimizing our defenses!" Willie continued, waving her flat hands in front of her.
"Yeah," Numbuh 5 said as he looked away, "by building some kind of cannon that shoots clams or something." Numbuh 3 giggled at his idea.
"That's it!" Numbuh 4 said, having an epiphany. "Why didn't I think of it before? We'll build a giant clam cannon!"
"Uh," Numbuh 5 replied unenthusiastically, standing up and dusting his hands, "Numbuh 5 was joking when he said 'clam canno-'"
"Building a clam cannon is no joke!" Numbuh 4 cut him off, pointing her finger at the sky. "So," she began, pointing to herself with her thumb and shaking her fists, "I hereby declare myself temporary Numbuh-1's-Not-Here leader to make sure that we build it right!"
But the other three blew her off, leaving the room to attend to their own entertainment wants. "Don't hold your breath," Numbuh 5 chuckled, while Numbuh 3 elatedly burst out, "Yay, playtime!" and Numbuh 2 yawned out an exhausted "See you later."
"Hey, where are you guys going?" asked Numbuh 4, waving her arms. "You'd build the clam cannon if Numbuh 1 was here!"
At Hap-Happy Land, Nicole was standing near the prize booth with a bag of popcorn in her right hand, unamused at the chaos and laughter happening around her. She stared off into the distance through her sunglasses, wishing these slightly darker times would be over and she could get back to the treehouse her team occupied, while a lion mascot came up to her and started poking her with her finger. "Who's a happy girl?", she asked, trying to get a smile out of the bald-spotted sunglasses-wearing British girl, but Numbuh 1 ignored her and continued staring off into space, getting annoyed by this. But the mascot didn't seem to read her body language or the look on her face, as she kept poking her and repeating "Who's a happy girl?" like a broken record player for hours, continuing long into the night and making Nicole wish her parents would end the trip sooner so she could get out of this "adult torture facility" to get back in action with her team.
Meanwhile, back at the treehouse, the numbuhs were all sleeping soundly except Numbuh 4, who wanted everyone to get going on that clam cannon as soon as possible. She was irritated with the villain invasion from yesterday, especially the Delightful Children who had mentioned a "Mother" who would be "positively furious" if they broke curfew (and whom she suspected was helping them with their latest dastardly deeds). She wanted to get out there and infiltrate the mansion to confront them all herself (with the aid of her team, of course), but that wasn't the top priority at the moment. The DCFDTL were planning another invasion without their accursed curfew alert, and they had to be as prepared as possible for this. For now, it was time to build that clam cannon, and ensure the safety of the Kids Next Door.
She went into Numbuh 3's room first, where he was dreaming of befriending Rainbow Monkeys in a far-off land and having fun with his friends, surrounded by legions of stuffed animals lying around on the floor. Sneaking up on the room like a thied in the night, Numbuh 4 stopped in front of the curtain and pulled it up, careful not to wake up Numbuh 3 before he could process through it, and especially trying to avoid being detected in the middle of the night. She slunk through a path of stuffed animals, ruffling and jostling them around, in an effort to get to her teammate in as quiet a manner as possible. She eventually reached Kenji's bedside, proud of her stealth (which wasn't as good as Numbuh 5's, but still it was good enough to reach the bedside undetected), and then climbed up onto the covers.
"Numbuh 3!" Willie said excitedly, as if greeting her teammate in the morning. "Numbuh 3!" Kenji opened his eyes drowsily, finding a strangely cheery Numbuh 4 on top. "Hey, let's get cracking on that clam cannon!" the Australian girl shouted, hoping to get the Japanese boy on the road toward completing the new project. But instead, this ignited the latter's wrath.
He started fighting with Numbuh 4, trying to get her out of his room, but she stood her ground. She tried fighting back briefly, but she was eventually overpowered by Numbuh 3's moves and plush ammunition. "Ow! Hey, hey, hey!" she yelled, running back toward the curtain to the safety of the hallway as Numbuh 3 continued to pelt her with his stuffed animals. "OK, OK, I'll come back later," she shot back at him as she continued walking down the hallway and shielding herself from the flying plushies.
Meanwhile, Numbuh 2 was hiding under the covers of her plane bed, engrossedly reading an issue of Yipper comics by her flashlight, with a dozen or so other issues stacked near her right foot and another book near her left. The book she was holding had a yellow dog on the cover against a green background, which also had a whitish blue box with a black question mark on the top left corner and the word YIPI written in huge red letters across the top to the right of that box. The book also told of the exploits of the main characters, a team of canine aviators called the Yippers, defeating various villains and keeping the skies of their home country and beyond safe (in this case, they were fighting a group of goons hired by a traitorous former officer of their country's air force), and gave the readers an endless supply of laughs and suspense in the process. The Yippers were beginning to take down the enemy defenses and shoot down the goons who spotted them, while something else lurked in the shadows outside their universe, ready to throw down the hurt on their reader.
"Oh, yeah, get 'em, Yippers!" Hillary said excitedly as she continued reading, just as her red blanket was pulled off of her. "What the...?!" she yelled, shocked at what was happening around her—a torrent of black clams rained on top of her, disrupting her reading and possibly putting the Yippers' objective in jeopardy. It was Numbuh 4, standing on top a ladder leading up to the bed and pouring a bucket of clams she had compiled for their objective, trying to get Numbuh 2 to join her.
"Come on, Numbuh 2!" Willie said excitedly, getting down to her last few clams. "Clam cannons don't build themselves, you know," she continued, shaking them out of her bucket. However, this only succeeded in ushering in the same outcome as had happened with Kenji. Hillary pushed the ladder from her bed, wanting some peace and quiet from all the villain attacks that had happened in the daylight. Willie screamed as she fell to the floor, her adrenaline rush hindering her from trying to regain her grip, and she landed on the ground with a giant thud and minimal injuries. "You'll be jealous when Numbuh 5 gets all the credit for helping me!", she shouted back at an annoyed and clam-covered Numbuh 2, getting up and going to Alberto's room to check on him.
Numbuh 5 was standing on the football field rug where his bed and nightstand stood, drowsily tying his blue bathrobe, and sensing something uncomfortable in his bladder that pushed it to the last few seconds before its explosion. "Oh, man," he said, walking toward the bathroom in his room, "Numbuh 5 has got to stop drinking a billion gallons of soda before bed."
But just as he opened the bathroom door, he saw Numbuh 4 standing inside, who was hoping she could recruit him for her clam cannon-building operation. "Hi," she said, "wanna check out your clam cannon work schedule?" But she got the same response she had gotten from Numbuhs 3 and 2—Numbuh 5 furiously beat her up and threw her out of there with a plunger on her face, Numbuh 4 screaming all the while and ricocheting off the wall a few times before she landed on her butt. "OK, I'll see you upstairs later then," she said, her words muffled by the rubber.
Numbuh 4 had failed to get the operatives to build her dream cannon, but she was determined to get them to do so, no matter the cost. Maybe it was time for a change in tune, she thought, going back to her room to draw up the plans for the weapon to take down any villains who might sneak up on them (especially the DCFDTL and the myserious "Mother" whom she suspected they were receiving backing from).
The next morning, the sun rose high in the sky, touching the treehouse with its rays and beckoning it to greet the happy day ahead and listen to the chirping birds flying around. Hearing this treehouse was ready to withstand another day of attacks by the DCFDTL, Countess Spankulot, the Proper Patrol, this "Mother," or any other villain who might be attacking it today. But inside, it was a whole different story.
Numbuhs 2, 3, and 5 were all tired from an insufficient amount of sleep last night; their hair messed up; and they were feeling miserable at the task that Numbuh 4 had planned out for them. They wanted to get some breakfast to energize them, but little did they know that that wasn't in their new temporary leader's plans.
"Ooooh...my head hurts," Numubh 3 groaned, rubbing his head with his right hand as he reached the top of the stairs.
"Numbuh 5 is wiped out," Numbuh 5 agreed, following his friend into the kitchen.
Numbuh 4 was standing by the semi truck that doubled as their refrigerator, waiting for the rest of the team to enter. "Finally! There you are!" she yelled at them as the rest entered the kitchen, waving her hands and making fists as Numbuh 3 walked drowsily toward the fridge. "OK, you wasted the whole night sleeping. We can't change that, but we can make up time if we focus on our clam cannon," she continued as her green sweater-wearing Japanese teammate opened the door and rummaged around for some milk.
She continued talking, but Numbuhs 2 and 5, who were already seated at the table with yellow bowls for cereal, ignored her. "Whatever," Numbuh 2 said with a yawn, grabbing and shaking the cereal box. "I'll just focus on my cereal." But when she tilted the box, a hammer and several nails fell out, shattering her bowl and startling her.
"A strong leader makes a strong clam cannon, and a strong clam cannon makes a strong leader," Numbuh 4 continued, as Numbuh 3, who had gotten out a milk carton and a glass, arrived at the table. He started pouring some milk in his glass, but black clams came out instead, overflowing it and causing some of the clams to fall onto the table. "Awww..." he complained, "But I want breakfast!"
Hearing this, Numbuh 4 furiously slammed her fist on the table. "No breakfast!", she shouted. "As permanent-temporary interim leader," she continued, pointing to herself with her thumb and banging her fist again, "I, Numbuh 4, command you to begin construction ON...MY...CANNON!"
The other operatives just looked at her dozily, moaning and putting their heads on the table (or, in Numbuh 5's case, facepalming) at the overly productive day they had ahead of them.
A few minutes later, they all got to work. Numbuhs 2 and 5 grabbed two hammers and began hammering nails (or, rather, hammering everywhere but the nails as well as hitting them clumsily) onto a wooden plank, most of the nails crooked and a small percentage of the way in. Numbuh 2 was hammering a nail that was in crooked, hitting it twice before it flew out, and then continuing to hammer the space where it had been driven in without going to retrieve it. "Ugh, stupid clam cannon!" she griped at Numbuh 5, who was hammering a space to the right of the plank while he held it with his hand. "Why couldn't you have suggested we make clam chowder?"
"Huh," said an equally dozy Numbuh 5 in response, too deprived of sleep to care where he was hitting his hammer, "how was I supposed to know he'd go all crazy on us?"
Numbuh 4 was patrolling the worksite and walking past some clam buckets when she heard snoring coming from one on her right. Suspicious, she prepared herself for an attack, and then jumped in the air with a wrestling yell as she did an elbow dive, which spilled a very tired Numbuh 3 out with all the clams. "Owww!" he yelled, landing flat on his stomach and putting his right hand on his head.
"Come on, people, we're behind schedule!" Willie yelled at her teammates, who were walking around to find a place to sleep. "Work faster! Work harder!"
Alberto was walking by a control panel, where he heard snoring inside. Seeing this as an opportunity to escape his Australian teammate's yelling, he entered and saw Hillary sleeping inside, leaned up against a wall. "Hey, what you doing in here?" he asked, shocking his goggles-wearing Jewish-American teammate awake.
"W-well..." she stammered, pointing her right finger in the air, "I-I was just..."
"Move over," the French/African-American boy interrupted, crawling beside his teammate and snoring alongside her.
"We've got to put together that clam cannon! We've got to do it right, so we'll have to work double time!" Numbuh 4 continued yelling, walking around the worksite. She looked inside the control panel and noticed Numbuhs 2 and 5 napping. "AND THIS IS NOT DOUBLE TIME!" she erupted, startling both of them awake.
The team continued working clumsily on the clam cannon as Willie kept pacing around and screaming at them. "No more breaks!" she shouted as they cobbled together some materials and started hammering, sawing, pushing these materials, falling over, and falling asleep. "If you want to build a clam cannon, you can't take breaks, and you can't have cake! Can you build a clam cannon while eating cake on your break? HA! It can't be done! I'd love to see those Delightful Children try to take our cake! They want cake? We'll give 'em clams, lots of clams! The fact is, you guys need a leader, a real leader!" She pulled out a pair of sunglasses that looked similar to Nicole's and put them on her face. "A leader...like me."
Numbuh 1 was still having the time (or rather, the most boring, painful, and torturous time) of her life at Hap-Happy Land, where she was on the front seat of a roller coaster, with the mascot still poking her and repeating "Who's a happy girl?" over eleventy billion times. She tried to scream in exasperation, but her stomach was feeling uncomfortable with the fast motion that was hampering its ability to digest the food she had eaten earlier that day, so she put her finger on her mouth and tried to hold it in, but she ultimately lost the battle and was forced to open the floodgates of her mouth. She leaned over to her right, releasing a torrent of icky green-colored vomit that fell to the sidewalk and a few other amusement parkgoers, while the mascot remained oblivious to her body language and continued trying to pique her happiness, strengthening Nicole's desire to return to the treehouse and escape this adult torture facility to defeat the DCFDTL and other villains.
Around the same time, the sleep-deprived operatives were still working on the clam cannon, miserable at Numbuh 4's furious attitude toward them. They continued to work the whole day until night fell with the full moon, hoping they could finally get some sleep, but Numbuh 4 denied them that right as they continued trudging through their intensive labor, desperate for a break that remained out of reach, and groaning lethargically throughout the entire process. "Let's go, come on!" Numbuh 4 raged, still pacing back and forth. "We can't waste this precious moonlight! Don't get a full moon every night, you know! Let's go, go, go!" she yelled at her teammates, who reluctantly complied, their energy intensely burned out as they shuffled on the floor like zombies who were constantly hearing alarm clocks ring throughout their nights and days with no time to themselves.
The morning sun arose, trumpeting the happiness the new day promised to bring ahead upon the treehouse and its four occupants, which only Numbuh 4 seemed to receive while the rest kept moaning and groaning at their lack of sleep. "Finally!" she stated, as happy as ever to use the new weapon on whatever enemies might be coming to attack that day. "I've done it!" She gazed upon their newly built clam cannon ready to defend them at their word, having put on the sunglasses, Numbuh 1's spare clothes, a bald cap that she managed to hide her braids under, and a short dark brown wig with a huge bald spot in the middle. "I've accomplished what no other leader has ever dreamed of doing..." she continued, indicating the clam cannon with her hand as the others continued to halfheartedly use their tools, "the perfect defense system, the ultimate clam cannon!"
The cannon was shoddily crafted and wasn't anywhere near good shape for combat, but that didn't deter Numbuh 4, who proudly gazed upon it in all its glory. "I hereby declare myself permanent team leader...FOR-EVER!"
The others were too burned out to agree with her excitement, as they had been denied anything except demanding jobs for the last 24 hours or so. Numbuh 3 lethargically swung his hammer at the boat at the bottom as Numbuh 4 continued bragging about herself and her leadership. "My leadership will inspire generations of new Kids Next Door!" she continued as Numbuh 3 walked up towards Numbuh 5, who was hitting himself in the head with his hammer in a similar manner to a zombie whose brain was removed. "That Numbuh 1 ain't so hot! Where's her clam cannon? I don't see her clam cannon!" Numbuh 2 stood on a metal plank protruding from a weapon, using her saw like a hammer on an imaginary nail, and snoring all the while. She walked backward off the plank, screaming as she fell and hit the floor hard on her back. "You can't be a great leader without a clam cannon, can you?" Numbuh 4 continued as Numbuhs 3 and 5 sluggishly groaned and carried their hammers across the work area. "No, you can't! This is a new age...a new age for the Kids Next...Four!" Her sleep-deprived zombie teammates walked towards her, carrying their tools and moaning all the way.
But just as they were halfway there, the floor started rumbling again. The sound of mechanical whirring could be heard below, and it was growing louder by the second, which shocked Numbuh 4 and prompted her to brace for another attack (her teammates too weary and wrapped in their desires for their robbed sleep to hear or care about what was going on). Numbuh 2 was knocked forward by a huge pointy piece of metal that broke through the floor, landing flat on her stomach with her saw not far from her. The piece of metal stopped spinning, revealing its true shape as two mechanical arms arrived and pulled the rest of the contraption up. This could only mean one thing, as Numbuh 4 said:
"It's the Delightful Children again!" she shouted, gasping at the sight. "Kids Next Door, battle stations! Load the clams! Load the clams!" she continued screaming, but the others were too weary and exhausted to do anything but stand around sluggishly.
"Hello again, Kids Next Door," the DCFDTL greeted their adversaries. "Sorry we had to cut our last visit short, but this time..." they continued as they activated the mechanical arm, "I'm prepared to spend plenty of quality time with you." The claw picked up Numbuh 2 without effort, whisking her across the area toward the cockpit.
Numbuh 4 furiously pointed at the DCFDTL in response and yelled, "You're no match for my clam cannon, Delightful li-", but she was cut off by the claw grabbing her and the other two operatives.
"A cannon?" the DCFDTL challenged, grinning smugly. "You have a cannon?" The eerie blue-eyed children looked at the incapacitated numbuhs, eager to exploit any flaws in their new defense mechanism.
The operatives were stuffed into their cannon's muzzle, lethargically groaning (or, in Numbuh 4's case, straining and futilely struggling to get free) and waiting for the DCFDTL's attack to be over. They stared off into space (or where they would soon be launched), longing for their leader's return from that "adult torture facility" and further directions for how to improve their defense systems (with the exception of Numbuh 4, who believed that would be the perfect weapon to finally achieve victory over the DCFDTL and their mysterious employer "Mother" once and for all). While they were waiting to be fired, Numbuh 4 piped up, hoping to get her teammates into action to defeat the Delightful Children despite their heavy exhaustion that prevented them from doing anything. "Come on, gang!" she sputtered out, anxious about what would happen in this battle. "We've got 'em on the ropes!"
But before any of them had time to respond, the DCFDTL moved their mechanical claw close to the pull cord on the activation mechanism. "So, Kids Next Door," they began to taunt, moving the drill's arm into a better position to fire the weapon, "what do you say to a trip to Pluto?" They grinned smugly, gleefully anticipating the humiliating defeat they were about to hand the KND operatives (or so they thought, given the cannon's shoddy craftsmanship). "Have a...delightful flight!", they finished, chuckling evilly as they controlled the claw toward the cord and pulled it backward. With that, the weapon prepared to fire its human ammunition into space.
The clam cannon started rumbling as the operatives continued trying to get free or staring off into space, shaking as it struggled to get its barrel into the correct position to fire, and trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling bubbling up inside its body. The 120° elbow joint with a red valve blew off the plate held tight by four screws, while the engine pipes belched fire and smoke, as did the short tailpipe and a few other spots that broke open with the tedious preparation. Everybody in the worksite sensed the danger about to befall them, bracing for the impact they would feel when they were launched to the far-off dwarf planet beyond the Kuiper Belt. "Uh-oh," said the DCFDTL in unison, worried about the KND's plan (which they'd expected to backfire on the operatives at this point) working in its planners' favor and backfiring on them instead.
This firing preparation and under-the-weather rumbling continued for about half a minute, more spots busting open and scraps coming off, until it began to inflate and reach its breaking point faster from all the unberable pressure inside. The cannon blew up, which sent the operatives to the ground and the DCFDTL flying, their drill breaking apart and the explosion propelling all its parts forward (the cockpit speeding the fastest). The eerie blue-eyed children screamed as they all flew toward Pluto, their flight taking a nosedive as they reached a point a few blocks above the street, which cut any extraterrestrial fun they had in mind very short, and flew them toward a point in the distant countryside past a few fields. What the DCFDTL had been fearing came true: the plan they wanted to backfire on the operatives had instead backfired on them, leaving them with no choice but to think up a new scheme, lest they face "Mother's" wrath one more time.
Numbuhs 2-5 lay in the wreckage of the clam cannon, with smoke surrounding them, having succeeded in accomplishing their mission (albeit not in the way they intended), but only Numbuh 4 having the energy to celebrate. They were all exhausted from many hard hours of backbreaking labor and supervision, and they were certainly not in shape to be dealing with another villain attack that might happen today, longing for their leader's return from Hap-Happy Land, which could happen any minute now.
Sure enough, the door to the worksite opened as the smoke faded away. "Hello, I'm back!" said the person who opened it, who walked through. It was Numbuh 1—the person the rest of the team had been expecting—who was wearing a hat shaped like the Hap-Happy Land lion's head. She turned around and saw the destroyed weapon and four bodies (still alive) lying around. "Wha...?" she asked, confused, taking off her hat. "Wow...A clam cannon," she said, observing this amazing sight from top to bottom, surprised at the success it managed to get. Then she thought about it for a moment, seeing how it could be useful to her and her team's defense systems, and then a smile born from a combination of excitement and ambition spread across her face. "Yeah!" she shouted, enthusiastically pumping her fist in the air and walking toward the wreckage. "Home sweet home." She victoriously approached her teammates and threw her hands in the air, ready to congratulate them on a job well done. "Great job, team!" she began her address, forming her hands into fists and moving them around happily. "A clam cannon is exactly the type of defensive mechanism we need!"
"Numbuh 1!" shouted Numbuh 2 excitedly, snapping out of her lethargy and emerging from a pile of clams.
"Yay!" Numbuh 3 added, perking up from the umbrella he was sitting on.
"It's about time!" Numbuh 5 finished, recovering and crawling out from under the metal plank and a pile of wood scraps.
"But this cannon will never fire right," Numbuh 1 continued, her excitement replaced by concern as she indicated the cannon, everyone except Numbuh 4 got up, Numbuhs 3 and 5 walked towards her, and Numbuh 2 dusted herself off, "the design is all wrong." She thought about it for a moment, putting her chin in her head, then continued addressing her team. "We could make some modifications, and if we work throughout the night, we could have it done by morning," she added, hitting her left hand with her right fist.
"Yeah!" Hillary excitedly shouted, putting her flat hands together, ready to work on the clam cannon with a much more respectful schedule.
"Yay!" Kenji elatedly said in agreement, jumping up and down, excited to finally have breakfast again after having been denied the previous two mornings.
"Alright!" Alberto finished, doing a thumbs-up at the others, smiling at the things looking up for him and the others.
"Let's go!" Hillary shouted to Kenji as the two went off to get the materials they needed for the modifications.
"Work, work, work!" Willie complained, having finally snapped out of her delusions. Her bald cap was on crooked, some of her hair was sticking out of the holes, her wig had been tilted sideways, and her sunglasses had been blown off. "Can't a girl get any rest around here?!" she yelled, waving her fists in the air for a few seconds before collapsing in exhaustion.
"What's his problem?" Nicole asked, turning toward Alberto. But Alberto just shrugged, not ready to share the long story of the clam cannon and the wreckage to their leader. They all went to work on the cannon, ready to make proper preparations for their weapon that had saved them (albeit in a more destructive way than they'd hoped), and to defend the treehouse from any villains who might sneak up on them. This day would be theirs with all of its challenges to come, and they would be virtually unstoppable with that cannon at their disposal.
End Transmission
And that's the end of that chapter! I apologize for the delay between it and "Operation: I.-S.C.R.E.A.M.!" The fourth chapter, "Operation: N.O.-P.O.W.U.H.," will be coming up as soon as I finish it (I hope it will appear within the next 2-4 weeks). For now, be on the lookout for when it comes up!
DeviantArt picture of these genderbent villains: toxicanvil243/art/Some-genderbent-KND-villains-685203041