Jennie

I'm anxious. It's only been a few weeks and I already feel like I'm falling behind in my classes. I'm more overwhelmed than I thought I'd be. I can't afford to fail anything. If I don't keep my GPA up, I'll lose my scholarship. If I'm already struggling now, then how much more difficult is everything going to get?

I carry my heavy bag to the library, my shoulder aching. I miss having a locker. I wish I could've done what Rosé did and just buy all the e-books instead, but my scholarship provided me with the physical books, so I have to suck it up and lug this heavy bag around campus.

I glance up when I hear a familiar voice and find Lisa standing by the library entrance. She's standing next to a girl, and the way she's touching her arm and pushing her breasts in her face tells me they're either intimately acquainted, or she'd like them to be. I take in her long blonde hair and the sweet smile on her face. I know this girl. It's Sana. The girl Lisa keeps being tagged in photos with. The one I've seen photos of for years now. I may or may not have done some Facebook stalking, and I may or may not know more about her than I should. I know she's a cheerleader — a very good one. On top of that, she's an engineering major, just like Lisa. They look good together and they must have so much more in common than she and I ever did.

My heart twists painfully. Just seeing her with someone else still makes me jealous. I can't help but wonder if she's the one that put those kiss marks on her, and if by now she knows her body better than I do. It's been two years since she and I were together, so why do I still feel this way? I can't go down this road with her. I still can't be around her without wanting her.

It doesn't help that she seems to be everywhere. And each time I run into her, she's got another girl on her arm. It's painful and it's weird. She never used to be like that in high school. But then again, she never slept with anyone before me. I guess it's different now.

Lisa spots me before I can walk past her and immediately approaches, leaving Sana staring after her in surprise. She follows with a confused expression on her face, and I'm already done with this shit. I don't ever want to have to compete for someone's attention.

"Jennie," Lisa says, smiling. My heart skips a beat at the way she looks at me. She looks like she's actually happy to see me. How can my heart feel so full, yet ache at the same time? Lisa catches up to us and smiles at me — it's one of those genuine smiles that make you want to smile back and I hate her all the more for it. I nod at the two of them politely and move to walk past, but Lisa throws her arm around my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks.

"You're going to the library to study? We were just headed that way," she murmurs. She grabs my bag and throws it over her shoulder. "Fucking hell, Jennie. What are you carrying in here? Bricks?"

The edges of my lips turn up and I shake my head. "I can carry it, Lisa. You don't need to do that. I also really need to study. I don't have time to mess around with you."

Sana chuckles and holds her hand out for me. "I'm Sana," she says. "You have no idea how excited I am to finally meet the infamous Jennie. Lisa told me about some of the pranks you two have pulled on each other and that shit is lit."

I shake her hand awkwardly and smile. What am I supposed to say to that? Yeah, I know all about you too, but that's because I stalked you on Facebook?

"Lisa and I need to study too. Let's go together," Sana says. Lisa nods as though she genuinely doesn't mind, and I suddenly feel conflicted. I'm hesitant and tug on my bag, but Lisa is holding it hostage. Eventually I give up and walk to the small secluded study corner that I've been using. Lisa and Sana follow and sit down opposite me. Much to my surprise, both of them actually grab their bags and take out their laptops and books. They're so in sync that it's obvious this is their usual routine, and I'm oddly jealous. I've never felt like an outsider in Lisa's presence. Even long before she and I were anything but friends, we were each other's person. Now it seems like my role in her life belongs to someone else.

"What?" Lisa says, smiling. "I have a partial academic scholarship, remember? I have no choice but to keep my GPA up."

I nod and stare at her in disbelief as she pulls out her tablet and starts drawing up complicated equations. Sana glances at Lisa with such a sweet smile that I'm hit with an instant possessiveness that I'm not entitled to. "No choice, huh? Keeping her GPA up is effortless for her. I swear she's the smartest person I know."

Sana's eyes are sparkling with admiration and affection, and I feel like the third wheel here. This is exactly why I've been trying to avoid Lisa. I've been clinging to the memory of what we used to be to each other, and every time I see her, I'm hit with the realization that everything has changed. I'm no longer the person who knows her best. I'm not the girl she reaches out to. And I'm definitely not the girl she holds in her arms — not anymore.

Lisa smiles at Sana and drops her arm to the back of her chair. "Says the girl that keeps beating my test scores."

The familiarity and mutual respect between them is obvious, and it's painful. I don't know why I expected her to be mean or… I don't know. I guess it would've been easier. It would've fit the image I built of her in my head so much better.

Sana smiles at me and then puts in her earphones, tuning us out and focusing on her textbook completely. She and Lisa work in tandem, the two of them exchanging notes.

I tear my eyes away from them and blink at my own textbook. I don't understand what's happening in my statistics assignment at all. I glare at it and drop my forehead to the table, beyond frustrated. I'm going to have to get a tutor and my scholarship won't cover that. I feel so stupid and so out of my depth.

Lisa chuckles and rises from her seat. She drags her chair to mine and sits down next to me. She leans back and grabs my assignment brief, reading through it patiently. Then she laughs again and shakes her head.

"Minx, this is basic stats," she says. My heart skips a beat. I'm no longer used to her calling me Minx, and what used to be a regular nickname now feels like something intimate. I blush and shake my head.

"It's not," I argue petulantly. "Basic stats is about marbles and shit. This is torture. I don't understand why I need to know this."

Lisa grins and puts her arm around my shoulder. I peek at Sana, but she hasn't so much as looked up at us. I want to know what's going on between them. They're acting like they're just friends, but some of the photos I've seen of the two of them made it look like they were definitely more than that. At least she hasn't introduced Sana as her girlfriend. What would I have done if she did?

"Come on. I'll explain it to you," she murmurs, and I snap out of my thoughts.

Lisa leans in and proceeds to break down every single step of the calculations. She's far more patient than I ever would've expected. She's serious and she doesn't joke around at all. She's explained things to me before back in high school, but it's different this time. I always knew she was ridiculously smart, but I'm impressed nonetheless.

Lisa makes up a few examples and hands me her tablet. "Now you try," she tells me. I nod and get to work. Lisa returns to her own stuff and occasionally checks in with me to point me in the right direction.

"Shit. I think I get it," I whisper.

Lisa chuckles. "If you're struggling with this, then you should probably know it's only going to get harder, Jennie."

I nod and bite down on my lip. I really am going to need a tutor to get through this. There's no way I'll be able to do it otherwise.

"I'll do it," Lisa says. I frown at her and tilt my head in question. "I'll be your tutor."

I blink at her in disbelief. "I do need a tutor, but I think I'll try learning by myself first. I don't think I can afford one anyway," I murmur. I'll never get over all these feelings that have resurfaced if she tutors me. We'll be too close too often.

Lisa grins and grabs my chin. She turns my face toward her and I scowl at her. Her eyes drop to my lips, where they linger, until she pulls away.

"Hmm, Minx. You don't have to pay me in cash. You can pay me with your body."

I look at her with wide eyes, and she bursts out laughing. "You can cook for me, Jennie. Cook for me in return for tutoring. I'm happy to get you the ingredients too. Jaehyun and I built some apps that are bringing in a decent amount of cash, but you know I can't cook for shit. I miss the food Mom and you used to make. It'd be nice to have that as a treat every once in a while."

I'm not used to this flirty version of Lisa. When we were younger, she was often sweet rather than flirty, and I'm a little thrown off. I hesitate and end up nodding against my better judgement. I know she and I shouldn't spend more time together. The more I find myself alone with her, the harder it gets to resist her. We've finally found ourselves at a stage where we can actually be friends again. I can't mess that up by falling for her all over again.

"Okay," I whisper, unable to resist. "Yeah, I guess that might work."