Penacony. Land of Dreams. As the distance between you and the planet turned prison (turned paradise turned almost-prison turned tentative-paradise-again) grows, the fog that once clouded your mind recedes. Like sunrise and morning dew, a bright chill is the antidote to a warm, dark dream. You shake your head and breathe deeply. The Astral Express is passing another star, burning a bright, bold red-orange. Beams of yellow slant through the slats of the blinds on the windows. Penacony was dreamy darkness, like the vast abyss of space in which the star hung.
The star itself, meanwhile, was the antithesis, illuminating the shadows with all its power and might. Like a lone firefly flickering… fleeting, but fierce, you think. A symbol of ever-present, ever-burning hope… Truly, she was the girl who made you smile. From the moment you two met, never before had anyone made you feel the way she had. When did the fearless Trailblazer discover what it means to be afraid?
It was the worst nightmare you'd ever had. But all nightmares—like dreams—ended eventually. You awoke to the blazing light of day. In a hail of fireworks, a flaming suit carried you through the shining sky. The daydream was even sweeter than the finest night dreams of Penacony. Even now, you smile at the mere memory of her. She was kind, gentle, beautiful, soft-spoken, wise, caring.
She was an adventurer, traveler, and dreamer, just like you. Both of you were pawns, created for a game you never wanted to play, in the hands of a distant King and Queen you knew next to nothing about. Even though she was but one of millions, and you one of a kind, you understood each other, and the endless thirst for freedom and meaning you both sought so desperately to satiate.
It made your soul smile, not just your face, to know that there were others like you. And perhaps it was a fitting end, albeit not one you or Firefly desired, but when your time at Penacony was over, so too was your time with her. Like all dreams, you had to wake up… The path of a Trailblazer was oft a lonely one. So seldom did good companions stick around. And she had other scripts to fulfill first. Even so, you saluted one another farewell, certain your paths and stars would cross again someday or night. You, and the girl who made you smile so brightly…
ooo
"Hey, you! Hellooooo? Sleepyhead?! You look like you're asleep with your eyes open! It's kinda creepy!" A pale hand clad in a black archer's glove waves in front of your face. A familiar, grating voice assaults your ears. "C'mon, silly! We're on the Astral Express again! Not the Land of Dreams!" March continues, and you scoff, shaking your head, abruptly jerked back to reality again.
"Well, excuse you for being more tired, but I seem to remember carrying a lot more weight in the final battle," you tease, smirking wickedly.
"Wha-? Hey! I was busy shielding everyone!" March rears back, indignant, hands flying to her hips as she pouts at you. "We can't all get cool upgrades every time we level up like you, ya know?!" She sighs and shakes her head before muttering to herself. "First you get Destruction, then Preservation, then Harmony…! And Dan Heng is Imbibitor Lunae! Gosh… I can't wait 'til I get a cool alt!" July 31st can't get here fast enough!
You can't help but laugh. March is just too easy to tease! You have your moments of seriousness, at least more so than March, but in all the time you've spent together, whether on the Astral Express or roaming new planets, you've come to enjoy the banter. Sometimes, you even outdo her. You've got a sense of humor, and you know the best way to show is not to overuse it like March, but sprinkle it in every once in a while and be even zanier than her! You're a Trailblazer, after all. Travel and adventure are in your blood! Humor keeps the mood light on your long, harsh journeys.
"Ugh, well, at least you seem to be waking up again!" March sighs as you cross your arms, bemused.
"I was never asleep to begin with, March, I was just thinking," you say as you continue to smirk.
"Ah…" It was one of March's rare moments of seriousness. "Her…?" And a chill runs through your stomach too.
"Well…" The word is out of your mouth before you even have a chance think. "Yes, and… no…"
You were thinking of Penacony as a whole, not just Firefly. The Land of Dreams… Clockie's emotional manipulation powers… The memoria and Black Swan… Sparkle and her pranks and shapeshifting… The secretive Family… You couldn't trust a single thing on that planet, not even your own perceptions, whether in the waking world or the dreaming. Misha, Acheron, Dormancy, taught you that too. Then there was Firefly. Even if her heart and intentions were pure, she was also guilty of lying. On the Astral Express, though…?
You pass another star. Just like waking up… Then it hits you. "I feel… different…"
"You look different." March nods, resting a hand on her chin, though she can't quite place why…
"What's that supposed to mean?" you ask, half joking and half serious. You know she isn't trying to tease you. In fact, the answer is slowly spelling itself out in your head now. Penacony. Land of Dreams. World of fantasy, stories, and wishes come true. From the moment you set foot on that planet, no matter if it was day or night, you were falling right into a script, the perfect plot, a sweet-dream storyline. That didn't mean every second of the dream was sweet, but ultimately, it was a marvelous adventure with a satisfying conclusion, yet just enough to leave you wanting more…
You think about your fateful first encounter with Firefly. The meet-cute. The instant, mutual attraction. The first-day date. Other people mistaking your relationship. The secret location. The romantic sunset. The selfie, which you actually declined out of suspicion over how well it was going. It was the closest you could get to your free will, trying to keep as much emotional distance as you could from Firefly. Not that it mattered.
As you so loved to say, rules were made to be broken, so you weren't necessarily a devout follower of law, but when the stowaway was able to charm her way past you and the Bloodhound so easily, an alarm triggered deep within you. That instinct was quickly quashed down at the time, and only the intensity of your despair at Firefly's "death" acted as another clue.
The longer you were awake, though, the clearer everything was becoming… "I—March…"
"Yeah…?" The icy archer tilts her head and ponders you. Hmmm, maybe the Trailblazer's still half asleep after all! … Would a pinch help?
"I think I finally know what happened…" you breathe softly. Your fond feelings for Firefly weren't entirely false, but they were fictionalized and fabricated. Not by her or Elio, but Penacony itself. The Land of Dreams. It wanted to create the perfect story for you, and perhaps a cliché romance was part of the plot. Once again, you and her are eerily perfect parallels. On both sides, even if neither of you meant to or wanted it, there was dishonesty. And that instinct you quashed down while still in the Dream World…?
As good of a companion as Firefly was, that was all she was. A guest. A temporary fellow traveler. But the Astral Express was your found family, fellow Trailblazers. Who was the one there from the beginning? Who was the one you took time to develop feelings for, rather than having them shoved at you by the hands of fate? There was another pale-haired, kind-hearted girl you were willing to risk your life for, even though you hadn't known her very long either. Maybe you have a type? But her death—March's—would truly annihilate you, dreaming and waking. She wasn't just your partner at Penacony, but everywhere before, and after. Firefly wasn't accompanying you to the next planet. March was.
She was the one the stars truly set course for you. You took a respite from one another in the Land of Dreams, but that was the thing about dreams… you had to wake up from them eventually, and March was the one you went back home to. Maybe in the moment, dreams were loud and flashy. They were enticing and enchanting. But they were not reality. Your true feelings ran much deeper, and were much more steadfast. They didn't flicker and burn with the intensity and impermanence of fire, rather, they endured and preserved across Amber Eras like a mighty glacier.
Your feelings for March had grown slowly, over time. It wasn't even really until Penacony, when your feelings first suddenly veered towards Firefly, that you began to question where they came from. And only upon waking up did more of the answer slowly become clear to you. It was the cold splash of reality you needed to wake from that warm, dark dream…
ooo
"Ow! Hey! No fair! That's cheating! You can't use my own weapons against me!" March pouts and crosses her arms as she is dusted in a layer of snow from head to toe. Your bat had just decided to acquaint itself with one of her "bunny bombs" and—
"GRAND SLAM FOR THE GALACTIC BASEBALLER!" you bellow, striking a pose with your bat, thunder and lightning crackling around you.
"Pfft." Dan Heng crosses his arms, standing in the doorway of his Express compartment. "At least Pom-Pom will have no trouble discerning guilt."
"Oh, please!" You toss your head back and laugh. "Maybe Himeko can help! With fire powers like hers, it won't take but a second to clean all of this up!" You gesture to the snow-and-ice-covered hall. "Or Welt with his black holes?" you add, grinning.
"H-hold on now, you're not deep frying or sending me to the void, ok?!" March raises her hands and backs away from you and Dan Heng.
"Oh, don't worry," you wink, "I still need my Galactic Pitcher alive, in one piece, and not burnt to a crisp!"
"Galactic Pitcher?!" her shriek drowns out Dan Heng's quiet scoff, his arms still crossed.
"Throw me another one!" you laugh and nod, unusually playful today, spinning your bat as you close in on March.
"I'm warning you!" An icy shield pops up around her legs, revolving around her like planet about a star.
Dan Heng finally starts to intercede, uncrossing his arms to reach out warningly, and you feel a gust of wind rush past you. "Be careful!" he instructs lowly. He sighs to himself. Are these really my companions…?
There are moments when you catch his quiet, inquisitive, pensive eye, but when you act even more foolish than March… Well, maybe it exasperates him the way a big brother might feel, but you and March know that behind it all, he does love you both, deeply. After all, twice now he came to your aid when he thought you were in danger, even despite his reservations about the planets you and March so daringly traverse. Dan Heng understood all too well that the path of a Trailblazer was oft a lonely one. But it didn't always have to be.
Firefly flickered in and out of your life, but the Astral Express was still there, from beginning to end. Maybe someday or night, your paths and stars would cross again with Firefly, and this time in the waking world, with your own feelings, not something manufactured by a clock (or compass). You always wanted more than just "love at first sight". You wanted consistency and companionship… And now, you had that. Not through Firefly, but Pom-Pom, Welt, Himeko, Dan Heng, and…
An infamous old question echoes up from the depths of your memories. Why does life slumber?
You lock eyes with her in the reflection of the window as the train veers around another star. Because someday, we will awake from our dreams.
And when you do, whose eyes are the first you see each morning? It's not the girl who made you smile, but the girl who makes you laugh.
Ah, and there it is, the single differentiation to explain it all. Firefly was a wonderful woman in her own way, but she wasn't March, nor all that March symbolized to you: the Astral Express, your true found family.
AN: No offense Firefly fans, but the blatant ship-tease between her and the Trailblazer irked me so much that it slingshotted me into March/Trailblazer (and Dan Heng/Trailblazer) LOL! So now I headcanon that the Trailblazer only fell in love so fast because of something something Penacony dream power, IDK, LOL!
Also genuinely can't wait for March 7th's alt, so I had to throw a reference in, LOL!