Chapter 59: Yes
The newly formed Da'at hovered in the air above the three units struggling to even find their place among the flames. It was careful not to harm the NERV headquarters but everything around it was threatened to be eradicated by its advance. Asuka, Kensuke, and Shinji all knew this was the case but they could not muster an immediate plan to face such a creature.
Kensuke took several breaths before announcing, "Hang on tight, I'll get this thing ready for us!"
Shinji heard the tension in Kensuke's voice, and he prepared for a charge while asking, "Are you even able to do anything?"
Kensuke locked Unit-04 into a sprint as he answered, "I got one left in the tank, it's gonna have to be enough!"
Unit-04 made a dash through the flames while preparing its drills for an attack. Kensuke saw Da'at high above him while noting the building ball of energy in its chest. Another attack was imminent and he would be one possible casualty.
Taking aim at the Angel, Unit-04 leapt into the air before thrusting its drills forward and into an AT Field. The energy shot was held back as Da'at saw what was threatening it while maintaining its focus and waiting for an opportunity to strike again. Unit-04 remained in the air as its drills continued to dig through the field.
Kensuke found himself hopeful for a second as soon as the drills broke through the field and sent his unit flying towards the Angel again. His hopes of dealing any more damage were denied and felt his stomach sink the moment he realized his attack did not achieve the effect he was hoping for. Another AT Field was keeping him from coming any closer to the Angel. It was not a situation he expected to handle with any issue but was forced to remember one thing that kept him from achieving his intended goal.
He looked to his right and saw both of his drills reduced to 0% power just as soon as his unit collided with the field. It was a brief collision that sent him plummeting to the ground as his unit was forced to recover itself. Kensuke shook himself to avoid falling victim to the Angel but realized he had a brief window as the energy shot reappeared above him. Another beam descended to the ground but felt his unit tugged and carried by another away from the destruction.
He heard Shinji ask him, "Kensuke! Are you okay?"
Kensuke shook his head before groaning, "That thing has more than one AT Field. We're in trouble aren't we?"
Shinji looked across the continued blaze across the field before accepting, "We are."
The tensity of the situation had commanded his attention so much that Kensuke looked to his right only to notice another haunting reminder. The umbilical cord to his unit had been cut and he was running low on power. The five minute countdown would determine how much longer he would be fighting against the Angel.
Asuka was assured Kensuke and Shinji were able to handle themselves as she made a rush towards Da'at with her blade swinging. She managed to make a direct blow but was met with an AT Field that protected it from contact. This resistance made her make a mighty thrust into the field to penetrate it but was still a great distance away from even touching the Angel.
It was the least Asuka hoped for however as Unit-02 made its way through the field and towards Da'at. Her hopes of approaching her target were denied as soon as she found herself stepping right into another field. Unit-02 was taken off guard by the collision as it fell backwards and was thrust back by the force of another field manifesting.
Asuka leaned as far back in her seat as she could to endure the push before looking up to see Da'at prepare another shot of its energy. Even in a mighty dash towards the Angel she could not find the window she needed to make a rush towards it. She was thankful Unit-02 recognized this by rolling to its right before leaping over the span of the shot.
All three Eva units were forced on the defensive as they tried to find an opportunity to damage Da'at. For all of the effort his friends made to get him to this point he found himself fearing it was all for a lost cause. That all of humanity was about to face its final judgment from the wrath of its enemy.
Kensuke felt these feelings as he asked, "What the Hell am I supposed to be good for now?!"
Unit-04 recognized this danger it was in as it took control away from Kensuke and leapt out of the grasp of Unit-01. He felt himself subject to another flip in the air as the energy blasts came his way but found himself fortunate not to have taken a direct hit. The flames that surrounded him however continued to leave him in a state of uncertainty at where he was being taken.
Shinji realized what happened to Unit-04 before asking, "Kensuke? What are you doing?"
He was still able to perceive the area around him but Kensuke struggled to comprehend what he was going through. Unit-04 was determined to defend itself with the remaining five minutes of power it had. Unknown to Kensuke, it was also looking for the one chance it had to have a fighting chance against its target.
Looking down at the target his unit had discovered, Kensuke caught his breath before answering, "It looks like our Evas learned something."
Unit-04 fulfilled its goal by breaking its mouth open before planting its face into the half bitten Angel core beneath it. Kensuke was baffled to find himself accomplishing the same feat both Unit-01 and Unit-02 did but the sight renewed his spirits. Looking to his right and his left he not only saw the five minute timer disappear but the power levels of his drills shooting back up to 100%.
Unit-04 finished replenishing itself and raised its drills at the ready while bellowing a howl just as Unit-01 and Unit-02 did. Both of its drills activated as it made a mighty dash towards Da'at while Unit-02 followed alongside it. To complete the attack, Unit-01 followed in tandem with its sonic glaive prepared.
Shinji found himself panting again as he realized the Eva units were once again going on the offensive and asked, "Can we do it this time?"
Asuka answered this by warning, "If we can't pull it off, we aren't worth saving!"
Realizing he would not have much to protest in the matter either, Kensuke announced, "I'm moving in! Start wailing on him now!"
Unit-04 leapt into the air and thrust its drills forward. Just as before it came into contact with an AT Field but was prepared this time. The drills made their way through before landing into another only to break through it. One more field was in its way but it then broke and left Da'at exposed to an attack.
The Angel recognized the danger it was in by thrusting one of its wings towards Unit-04 and sweeping it to the left to avoid being penetrated by the lunge. This deflection defended Da'at but left it open for another attack as Unit-02 followed behind on the ground before leaping into the air to claim an opening. Da'at thrust itself up into the air to avoid contact but still gave Unit-02 time to cleave its lower right wing off.
Unit-01 prepared to make another attack as it prepared its sonic glaive for a thrust but was denied the chance as Da'at regained its focus. It took hold of the tip of the glaive with its arm appendage and snapped it while jerking Unit-01 downwards. This defensive play caused Unit-01 to roll forward before making a dash under Da'at where it could see Unit-02 and Unit-04 in the ground.
Trying to get a feel for where he was now, Shinji asked, "Kensuke! Asuka! Are you okay?"
Asuka was shaken by the vertigo that came with the defense but steeled her resolve by tightening hold of her controls while commanding, "Worry about that thing! Not how we are!"
Kensuke voiced similar desperation telling him, "It might sound cruel but we really are having a hard time here!"
Turning his attention to see Da'at looking for its targets, Shinji could tell what sort of challenge was leaving his friends intimidated. All three of them had given their best efforts but they were facing one of the most imposing Angels they could have imagined. Everything he fought for and came to value was now for him to demonstrate but was weighed down by the fear it might not be enough.
He knew he would not even be able to influence Unit-01 to run away in this instant and was left to question, "How can I? How do I even beat that thing?"
The exchange of gunfire in the halls was the only thing Satsuki expected to see change now that she had secured her location. Eventually she would be the one to assist Rei Ayanami to find the commander in bringing them both to Terminal Dogma. The opposition that managed to establish itself was an obstacle but she remained confident it would only be a matter of time before she would be asked to fulfill her duty.
Remaining isolated in the room with Rei kept Satsuki from seeing the advance Misato was struggling to make. Every time she managed to take down one target under the control of Legion there seemed to be another ready to take their place just as she was warned. She realized how many magazines of bullets she had gone through however as she loaded the last one she had into her pistol.
Looking down the corridor and over the mounds of bodies that littered the floor, Misato turned to her mother asking, "You hear what the others are saying about our rear?"
Ikuko looked behind her, answering, "We should be clear there. Why?"
Just as soon as she turned back, Ikuko saw Misato rushing down the hall towards the personnel that were shooting towards them. She recoiled back to take cover from another shot that came her way while a soldier near her fell to the ground from being shot. The hall she remained next to was still filled with death as the number of bodies on the floor continued to grow with her relentless attack.
Recognizing this danger made Ikuko shout, "Misato!"
The cry of her mother did not slow Misato down as she faced every shot that came her way while focusing on the personnel in her path. Every fiber of her being focused on the first individual that came into view and remained determined to establish new ground to defend herself. Every shot she made caused another target to fall to the ground while she wove away from a shot coming her way before rushing up to the only one still standing.
Thrusting her knee into his chest, Misato shot her gun into his head before reaching for one of the pistols that was on the floor. She looked further down the halls to see more personnel coming her way. Despite the advance she made, Misato knew she would have to stand her ground as more came to take back the area she claimed.
She was fortunate not to be on her own however as she heard footsteps coming from behind her. Misato let out a sigh of relief knowing she would be assisted but continued to unload every bullet she had towards the incoming NERV personnel. Without a second to reload her first pistol, Misato switched to the one she picked up to fire into the incoming advance.
Her mission continued to prove favorable as she heard one of the soldiers announce, "This is the First Child's room! We can secure her now!"
Preparing to take charge of the mission, Misato ordered, "Get it open! Make sure she's still in there!"
Satsuki heard the exchange outside as she prepared her pistol. Misato Katsuragi, the woman she considered to be a friend at one point, was prepared to undo everything she worked for up to now. Having lost so many friends already, she was not prepared to let their efforts be for nothing but she also knew the odds might not be in her favor.
She saw the door that secured her and Rei open slowly while one of the soldiers watched it slowly open. The small crack was all Satsuki needed to take aim and fire on him. It was only one casualty but would be among countless more as she held her position.
Misato turned behind her to see the act at hand but was caught off guard by seeing Ikuko make her way up to her proclaiming, "Misato!"
Before she was able to say anything in response, a gunshot caused Ikuko to fall on her side and to the ground making her exclaim, "Mom!"
Losing focus of what was in front of her, Misato was only determined to achieve retribution by shooting her pistol into the open space. She could not bring herself to care what the state of her mother was or if she was accidentally shooting Rei in the other room, Misato only wanted any individual still in the room to pay for such an action. Another few seconds passed before the door to the room opened and gave her a view of who was holding resistance against her.
Misato stepped inside to see bodies on the floor but could not tell how long they had been there. She was fortunate to see Rei remaining seated on her bed waiting for what was happening while a few soldier made their way in to secure the area. They achieved one objective but Misato found herself struggling with the harsh reality of the multiple casualties around her.
Hoping to comprehend what she walked into, Misato realized Ritsuko and Aoi were the first on the ground she recognized before turning to Rei asking, "Were they both keeping you here?"
Rei turned to Misato before pointing further away, answering, "She was the only one who remained."
Looking further into the room, Misato saw Satsuki leaning against the wall with multiple gunshot wounds. She breathed rapidly trying to keep herself alive while blood leaked out of her body. It was a desperate attempt to keep breathing but she realized her fate was sealed as Misato walked towards her.
Satsuki looked up, managing the best sneer her weakening face could muster before asking, "So... To the... end... then?"
Misato raised her pistol before shooting Satsuki in the head, making her slide to the ground as soon as she died. It was not an act she was proud of in the slightest but Misato had accepted what sort of fighting grounds she was in now. Satsuki desired to achieve a future she did not want to see. It did not make the loss of someone she considered a friend any easier.
While the room was more secured, Misato took the opportunity to answer Satsuki's last question while bringing her hand to her stomach, "Without people like you who have given up."
She heard Makoto make his way over to her announcing, "We have more of them coming this way! We're running low on ammo out here!"
Letting go of her stomach and seeing the others make their way inside to establish their footing, Misato prepared herself for the inevitable onslaught by taking hold of her gun. She still didn't know the fate of her mother or if Ritsuko could be saved. All she knew was that she was still standing and she needed to make a final stand for her own survival.
Preparing her pistol for whatever was coming her way, Misato prepared for the people coming towards her, answering, "Some of us have a reason to keep going. The people who keep fighting, they're the ones we need to stick with right now."
Unit-01 would not accept defeat even when Da'at continued to be such an intimidating threat. All three of the units managed to deal some sort of damage but their Angel target refused to permit them a chance to regain their footing. Energy built within it again before sending down another blast that reignited what flames began to die down.
The attack made Shinji wince at what he was forced to endure while Unit-01 tried to find its next opportunity to attack. It refused to be destroyed in such a demanding moment, but its pilot was not so prepared. He was tired, stressed, and afraid all at once. His limit was rapidly approaching and there was no sign of an end.
Knowing Misato was in danger was just one thing he was forced to consider and his friends were dedicated but just as vulnerable as he was. No one he cared for was safe under the view of Da'at. None of them had an immediate solution for how it could end.
The value of everyone he wanted to save weighed on him to the point of making him crack. His own weapon was lost and he had nothing but his own strength. Even the combined might of the other two units with him would only be enough to break the AT Fields if he was fortunate.
All of the odds stacked against him were finally enough to make Shinji let out a scream in defiance to such a situation while Unit-01 did the same. The mighty howl from the unit could be heard by all who were near it but none could comprehend what sort of effect it had. In outer space, on the surface of the moon, a weapon that was used before was beckoned back to the hands of man.
The Lance of Longinus came soaring across the void before piercing the atmosphere of Earth where it was tasked to answer its call. Da'at was unprepared for such a sudden attack but it was given its first demonstration of what the weapon was capable of. Undeterred by the AT Fields or the flesh of the Angel, it crashed with a mighty roar at the feet of Unit-01.
Seeing the weapon appear in front of him had become the greatest hope Shinji could have asked for as he saw the hand of Unit-01 take hold of it. Da'at was injured by the penetration and its opponents now had the opportunity to bring about its downfall. It was a chance that both pilots of the Eva units knew they could not allow to go to waste.
Kensuke tried to make sense of the appearance of the weapon by asking, "Where did that come from?"
Asuka was less concerned with the appearance answering, "Somebody just wants us to win after all! Let's not disappoint!"
Unit-01 seized the lance while Unit-02 and Unit-04 ran up to its location. The three Eva units charged in unison with their weapons at the ready before Unit-01 leapt into the air and charged towards the body of Da'at. The lance pierced and shattered the AT Fields with ease before erupting a new hole in the center of the body of the Angel.
Asuka charged Unit-02 close behind as the fields were destroyed, leaping into the air with its blades ready. The other two wings on the side of Da'at were severed and forced the Angel to come crashing to the ground, no longer able to support itself in the air. It was not given a chance to breathe as it realized another unit was making its way towards it.
Unit-04 prepared both of its drills while Da'at thrust its right arm appendage to stop it. The collision gave way to a mighty splatter of flesh that flew everywhere while Unit-04 charged further into the Angel. This display of carnage sent Da'at staggering backwards as it emitted a beam of light in multiple directions. Desperation had now taken hold of the Angel as it was left to defend itself against odds that suddenly turned against it.
Asuka took advantage of Da'at falling to the ground as she made Unit-02 chop at its left ankle. The sweep was so great it immediately sent the Angel falling as its foot was served. Unit-04 took advantage of the fall as it ran towards the general area hoping to hit a viral area that kept the Angel alive. As its back came crashing to the ground however, it took what opportunity it had by thrusting its drills upwards and through the body to drill a new hole it leaped to the top of.
Shinji saw what Kensuke and Asuka were achieving and saw his opportunity to end the one challenge to humanity's survival. Unit-01 recognized this as well as it prepared to use the Lance of Longinus one more time. Pulling its arm back, Unit-01 took aim and threw the lance to the ground where Da'at was landing but struck right through the three cores that were lined along as its replacement head. Any sign of struggle Da'at had left was gone as its remaining appendage attempted to reach up to its killer but was ultimately denied the chance as any sign of life it once had was drained.
Unit-01 hovered in the air from the accomplishment for a moment before it began to fall down to the ground. Whatever rush Shinji might have felt from the knowledge he was about to make contact with the ground below was lost as he made his way down. Just the knowledge that Da'at was finally defeated against such incredible odds was enough to fill him with a sense of relief he only felt a few times before.
Whatever sense of reality he might have felt before was for the moment was removed from his shoulders, but he was forced to remember it was just a fleeting accomplishment as well. This reminder shook his senses as he felt Unit-01 crash to the ground on its back with both of its arms stretched. Being left at an angle made one thing clear to him: he did not fall on the ground, and he should have been thankful he didn't land with a harder force.
Unit-01 had one final action as it ejected its entry plug from its back and into the area of NERV headquarters. Unable to control anything in such a quick series of motions, Shinji realized he was going to be released into NERV against his own plan. He now understood he had to keep himself prepared as he was sent out into the organization he knew was still in conflict with itself.
Shinji saw LCL flow out of his cockpit as the entry plug opened and exposed him to the room he was in. Unit-01 did indeed crash into NERV before discovering it brought him to one place he did not anticipate. Commander Gendo Ikari's room was intimidating from the darkness in prior visits but Shinji did not have that feeling as he saw the outside air contrast with the darkness.
Stepping out of the cockpit and looking around at his location, Shinji saw the one individual he knew he could have anticipated. His father sat in the center of the room but paid no heed to his entry as though the crash of Unit-01 did not even happen. It was once an intimidating sight but Shinji knew he would have his attention the moment he made his way up to him.
There was no avoiding confrontation with him. Not only did Kaworu's reveal from before fuel his will to face him but everything that came before. The concept of Instrumentality, the manipulation of everyone under his command, and here he was in the center of the room waiting for his first opportunity to achieve his ends.
Shinji tightened his right hand into a fist accusing, "Father... You're the cause of all this..."
As though his son had just entered through the main door, Gendo remained seated in the center of the room confirming, "A reductive observation. I am where I need to be."
Hearing him with such a sense of indifference made Shinji take another few steps towards him declaring, "Everything I did was to earn your praise. I wanted to believe you were good."
The trembling in the voice of his son did not move Gendo but earned a reminder, "If you can comprehend the achievement of Third Impact, you will never want for anything again."
It was the best defense his father had for what he had done up to this point. He accepted the death and constant vying for power in NERV if it meant his vision of transforming humanity could be achieved. As long as Unit-01 and Rei Ayanami were under his care, he would not be held to the authority of anyone.
The best counter Shinji could consider to everything his father was aspiring to was by asking, "Is it what mother wanted?"
This earned a silence from Gendo for a short time before he answered, "No."
Being given this answer made Shinji feel vindicated for all of the ill feelings he had for his father at that moment. Every action he took was a selfish one. He could not even claim he was accomplishing anything out of honoring her.
Believing he had everything he needed to hear from his father made Shinji walk past him with what he intended to be his parting words, "I should have known."
What he hoped was the end of the discussion gave Gendo the basis to argue, "But you would want to see her again."
Shinji could not give an immediate denial when it came to this statement. He wanted the approval of everyone around him even if they were not alive anymore. The chance to be with his mother being one such desire.
He was stuck in place and unable to progress to the door while denying his father's greater plan, "Not the way you want it."
Gendo realized he had an opportunity to stop his son from foiling his plan by warning, "If you stop it here, you will never have the chance again."
There would be no other possible way for him to see her. Shinji remembered every conversation he had with his father and what the ultimate result of his plan would be. A place in time where there would be no more opportunity for pain and suffering but humanity would never go anywhere as a species. He told himself before it was a haunting idea but could remember every time he was downtrodden enough to see the appeal in such a state of existence.
He tried to keep himself from considering such a possibility by determining, "At the cost of everyone else. Everyone out there deserves to live. I had to learn that the hard way."
It was all the confession Gendo needed to realize, "So it is true. You built that attachment to Misato after all."
Any reason for keeping such a secret was lost long ago as Shinji confirmed his father's discovery, "...I did."
"And you're making the claim right now that it was with everything you went through? Everything you went through was worth enduring?"
Shinji could not manage an immediate answer. Even looking back on the best of times and his bond with Misato, even in times where things seemed so much simpler, he was forced to recall another side of it. The times where he was forced to take charge in a desperate attempt to keep her from leaving him or forced himself to muster the strength to consider rebuilding what brought them together. Both good and bad times were there for him to deal with. Neither of them being strong enough to outweigh the effect of the other.
Gendo deduced this was the case from the hesitation of his son before adding, "You saw the potential of Instrumentality before. She can be with you and you won't even face the condemnation of anyone once it is done. In a state without change and a state without challenge."
Shinji once again felt the temptation of what sort of fate Third Impact would achieve while countering with what he could immediately think of, "And without everyone else. Without... my son..."
What he hoped would be the one thing that could make his father second-guess his intentions instead became the basis for arguing, "That would be the highest mercy you could grant him. Not forcing him to be born into this world."
Keeping himself from falling to the ground in despair became more of a struggle for Shinji as he was forced to hear this while arguing, "But that's... so cruel..."
Gendo remained as unshaken as he had been before while asking, "Would anyone be any kinder? Would facing that reality be worth the challenge you'd be asked to face?"
Shinji ran out of answers that would deny his father's mindset. There was no reasoning with him or making him see the error of his ways. There was only either accepting his ambitions or going against them.
He was only left with the hope someone would absolve him of making a decision as he reminded, "People are out there fighting. I won't even have a choice."
Hearing Gendo counter his desperate plea was the only instant where he changed the tone of his voice, making him reason, "We can if we choose to move out there now. We can secure Rei, we can allow the death of everyone to pave the path for us."
Determined to let nothing else stop him, Shinji stepped towards the door declaring, "I'm not going to let anyone else die for this. This needs to end now."
Shinji made his way up to the door but heard a soft click far away from him. It was not the first time he heard it and he knew what he had placed himself into. The sound was a reminder that he had a choice that did not simply involve the question of earning his father's approval. The course of humanity was now in question.
Gendo reminded him of what was at stake, "You can deny it as much as you want. There is a choice in front of you now. Towards suffering or the end."
It was a perfect summary of Gendo's view on what life was. How since the loss of Yui he did not let himself appreciate the company of others. How he believed the world as it was could not be salvaged into one worth living.
Gendo broke the silence by reminding Shinji of his most personal questions, "Is it all going to be worth it? Is the life you prepared yourself to live one that you want to endure?"
Being asked to make the choice for who was right in this situation made Shinji linger in front of the door. All of the happiness he thought he discovered was for him to determine the value of his actions. If he thought subjecting others to the same fate as him was right if it gave way to someone's idea of a better existence. If he would want to live with the judgment of others for the rest of his life. If he thought new life deserved to be made possible in a world as bleak as the one he lived in.
He needed to make a choice while the conflict of what he would pick continued to weigh on him. Remaining in front of the door for as long as he did would only eventually remove himself from the plan entirely. With such he felt all of the arguments that built within him since the night of Kaji's death rush through him and make him determine how he would answer such a dilemma.
His left hand was in a tightened grip as he struggled to keep himself from trembling to the ground but moved his right to the panel that would open the door. Even as he prepared to open his way into the exchange of gunfire, he could not say he made a decision up to this point. Not since he found himself substituting for Rei's place did he feel as though he was headed for a daunting choice that would change his life altogether.
What hesitation he had left in him was reaching the end of its limit as soon as Shinji felt his hand make contact with the panel. Everything he ever asked himself was now his to face and needed to determine if the life he had was worthwhile. With the press of the button, he finally felt the conflict within him resolve itself as he shouted his answer.
A/N: Pretty sure I made this one a significant event. I tried to juggle development on three ends, make them seem important to the story and bringing to life another scene that I always had in my head. One of Shinji confronting his father about Instrumentality and trying to determine if it really was a worthwhile thing to achieve or not.
I also tried to maintain a sense of ambiguity about Shinji's intentions as well. Sure he decided to pick this reality but he hasn't given a firm answer about whether or not he thinks it's worth the state of individuality he had for so long. At least if you don't take the chapter title into account anyway.
Anyway speaking of, here's the big warning for everybody: If you read up to now and for whatever reason still anticipated a harsh ending for the characters considering all that's brought them to this point, now is the time to stop. Just assume Shinji decided to help Gendo with Instrumentality or something because this is where any and all remains of desperation and hopelessness are being tossed out the window. You probably remember that big aspiration I had in Chapter 1, I'm about to go full speed ahead on how I envisioned a story like this ending.
I also know this is probably where many who made it to this point are going to have high expectations about what I'm planning to portray as well especially if you were going in open minded about the direction. Whether or not I create a worthwhile bookend to all the events that came before or if it comes off as rushed, disappointing, or just in general divergent from the tone of the previous material in all the wrong ways, I guess that's just a judgment I have to leave up to you and everybody else reading. I really did write this whole thing intended for myself to finally get a lot of these long lasting images off my mind, now I'm just hoping the vision I present is one that everyone considers to be worthy of what everyone stuck with up to now.
So yeah a big part of it is wondering how well everyone will receive the ending when it comes, I guess I'm also just amazed that we're actually here near the end now. It took a super long time to get here but now I look forward to seeing if this can be the worthwhile conclusion everyone is hoping for. That won't be something to judge however until the next chapter comes out and I sure hope to see you all then.