I4.6

Chapter 35: Blue and Black

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Adult themes. DO NOT read if you are underage or dislike controversial things.

Author's Note: I didn't get a chance to proofread this as much as I normally would so, please overlook the typos. Thanks.

"What the fuck are you wearing, Dick?"

"You like?" he asks as he does a slow turn so that her eyes can take in the different costume. He thought that it was quite an upgrade compared to the traditional Robin suit with its tacky green pants. When he was younger, he loved it because it was something that Batman had made for him. Over the years, however, he thought that all of those gaudy colors were very childish.

"What the actual fuck, Dick?" she asks again with her mouth wide open. Her eyes are trained on his new mask, which is just as dark as the last one but was designed to be more angular. More masculine. Her lovely violet eyes locks with his mischievous ones and his smile widens. This is the first time that she's really looked at him in days and Richard can't help but to bask in the attention. As she is gazing at him in complete disbelief, he gently places his pointer finger beneath her delicate chin and applies enough pressure to close her mouth. The action is enough to snap her out of her daze, but he stops her before she can continue.

"Come to my room," he says. It sounds less like a demand and more like an open and very suggestive invitation. He watches as her brows furrow at the implications and he is pleased that she's picking up his clues much quicker than she did before. She'd have to be as dense as a doorknob to not notice these things now, especially since her hand has been all over his body yesterday. She is much more sensitive to his presence than she used to be.

"...because it's unsafe here," he continues as he absentmindedly waves to the open area that they're standing in. Workers were bustling around them while pretending to mind their own business. Both Richard and Rachel knew better. This was too tantalizing a moment to not pay attention to and she had mistakenly said his name twice. He watches as realization dawns on her and she presses her two plump lips together in a firm line so that the rest of her angry and confused words don't escape.

He can also tell that she wasn't too keen on being alone in a room with him after yesterday. There is a tenseness in her slender shoulders that he can see through her closed cape so he adds, "If you don't feel comfortable talking about it now, we can do that after the conference."

She glances behind her at the heavy red curtains that are covering the sea of faces that she has no desire to deal with. The barrier does nothing to muffle the excited buzzing of hundreds of conversations centered around them. Around her. Richard knew that she would rather be anywhere but here and he is pleased when she takes an unconscious step closer to him. As strained as their relationship is right now, in this moment, he's her only support. There are no other members of the team present and even if there were, who else could she really turn to? Beastboy has already arrived at his destination which is halfway across the world. Starfire can barely stand to be in the same room with her. Richard made sure that Cyborg would be stationed in the Tower because he's the only other big brother figure that she would run to. All in all, Richard is pretty pleased with himself even though everything about today makes him very nervous.

"...fine," Rachel mumbles before shaking her head and saying with more force. "We need to talk...now."

Richard lets her lead the way back to their dressing rooms. Her strides are brisk as she walks with purpose. Her short violet hair bouncing with every agitated step. He can't help but to wonder if her hair will bounce in the same way as she's riding him. The motions are slightly different, but the effect would probably be the same. Mesmerizing to watch.

The crime fighter is pulled out of his inquisitive thoughts when a staff member gently calls, "Robin! You're on in 10."

He pauses in his steps to respond but Rachel's voice cuts him off with, "Make it 30. This is going to take a minute."

The worker glances between her and him for confirmation. "You want to delay the conference for 30 more minutes? The crowd will not be happy."

"You heard her," Richard says, "The crowd can keep themselves entertained for half an hour, while Raven keeps me entertained."

A light blush crosses over the worker's face as he takes in the suggestive connotation of Richard's remark. He nods his head once before scurrying off to do as he was told. When Richard turns back to Rachel, she is staring daggers at his head. Clearly not liking his behavior but doesn't want to kick up too much of a fuss in an open area. He watches her whip around on her heels and march towards the dressing rooms. She nearly rips the door off of its hinge as she lets herself into his room. Richard takes a few deep breathes before following her in. This can go very good or very, very bad.

When he finally does walk over the threshold, he finds Rachel standing in the middle of the room with her back turned to him. He can tell by her posture and her reflection in the mirror that her arms are crossed and her little booted foot is tapping impatiently on the floor. Before he could think of backing out of the room, the door forcefully swings shut behind him. It rattles in its frame from the power Rachel used to close it. Richard finds himself taking another series of deep breathes before he can decide on what to say. He knew that this won't be easy. Real change hardly ever is. But it has to be done in order for him to take control of his life.

Before he can open his mouth, Rachel swings around and faces him before hissing, "What the fuck?"

That's the third time she's said that since she saw him and Richard couldn't help but to ask, "I hope that's not the words you're going to use during this conference?"

"I'm being serious, Robin," she says. Her deep, gravel like voice and aggressive demeanor are simultaneously attractive and terror inducing. Richard wasn't sure how to feel.

"You can speak openly, but not loudly here. I've already checked the room for bugs," he says. It's best if they have a candid conversation so that they can be on the same page when they get on stage.

"Why?" she asks while shaking her head as though she doesn't believe what she's seeing, "Just why?"

Richard cocks his head to the side in thought before asking, "Why to what, exactly? Why to what happened yesterday? Why to this present moment? Or why to what we will be doing in...27 minutes?"

Rachel throws back the opening of her cape and brings both of her delicate hands up to massage her temples. She seems completely perplex because she doesn't understand where all of this is coming from. Richard couldn't blame her. All of this would seem like it was coming out of left field if he was in her shoes too. Eventually, the young woman, clad in her skintight leotard, says "All of it."

Richard decides to take some pity on his beloved and says "It'll take longer than the time we've got to talk about yesterday and you already know the answer to what I'm wearing…"

"I'm an empath, not a mind reader, Dick," she cuts him off while waving to his new costume, "I have no idea what this is."

Her eyes rake themselves across the dark blue bird stretched across his muscular chest. A blue that is suspiciously similar to the color of her cape. Richard allows her a moment to truly appraise his work of art. He had spent many years refining the details of this suit. Keeping the aspects of the Robin suit that were functional and that he was accustomed to while upgrading the parts that needed fine tuning and getting rid of things that just didn't make sense. Like that god awful half cape. Richard is a full body fighter. He uses all parts of himself for defense and offense. The number of times that cape had gotten in the way of a roll or somersault was too damn high. He also prefers the darker color that will more readily hide dirt and blood. It'll be easier for him to blend in with the shadows. He also feels more manly in this suit because he designed it himself for himself. The sketch had been sitting in his closet for two and a half years before he finally decided to commission it on an impulse. He's thankful that he did.

"You've seen me sketching it before," he says when Rachel has had her fill of analyzing his physique. "Don't you remember? At the aquarium?"

Richard watches Rachel's lovely eyes shift to the left as she tries to remember what he's talking about. She frowns a little before she mutters "the pamphlet?" under her breathe.

"I brought chicken," she says as she hands him a sandwich that is wrapped in white wax paper with a sticker on it. "I thought that tuna would be kinda inappropriate."

He chuckles a little under his breath as he accepts the offered food and water bottle. He balances the pamphlet and pencil that had been the center of his attention on his right thigh as Rachel takes a seat next to him on the bench. She has her own food in hand. Together, they both sit in silence as they watch the exotic fish swimming lazy circle within their large tanks. There was a cluster of smaller, silver fish floating deeper in the water. Both of the young birds watch as they dart out of the way as a medium sized lemon shark lazily swims across their path. While it doesn't look as formidable as other sharks out there, Richard knew that it shouldn't be messed with. These creatures evolved over millennia to becoming the efficient hunting machines that we know them to be. However, for as powerful as they are, they could never outsmart man and his opposable thumbs.

"Penny for your thoughts?" she asks as her eyes continue to track the shark as it swims in and out of the tank's greenery. "Your mood is...neutral?"

Neutral makes sense. There are no strong, defining emotions whirling within him at this moment. "I'm thinking about evolution. Nothing ever stays the same for every long. Take sharks for example."

Richard points to the tank and glances to his left to see Rachel nibbling at her sandwich. He's noticed that the way she eats in public is very different than when they are in the privacy of their own home. When she's at the Tower, she'll take bigger, messier bites of her food. Allow her eyes to flutter close as she enjoys the taste and texture of what she's consuming. He's caught her toes curling once or twice. Rachel at ease is one of the most endearing sights he's ever seen. It's like when a kitten lets you rub its belly for the first time. However, public Rachel is as guarded as ever. The bites are measured and controlled with hardly any mess. She doesn't appear to have any feelings about what she's eating, regardless of taste. However, he always admires how poised she can look while doing the simplest, most mundane things while out in public.

He hadn't realized that his speech had faltered while he was taking in her demeanor until she says, "What about sharks?"

Richard clears his throat once before saying "400. There are over 400 different species of sharks out there living their life in the oceans. And here we have this one, lonely lemon shark swimming laps around a tank."

"Mmm-hmmm," she hums in agreement as she glances towards his lap. "Did you learn that from the pamphlet?"

"I did," he admits as he waves it in one hand while holding his sandwich in the other, "but it made me start thinking about evolution and changes. You know. Sharks share a common ancestry...like many animals do. But can you imagine that all those species can trace a lineage back to which ever was the first? They're so similar, but also very different. A lot of animals and people are like this too. Nature really does some amazing things."

Richard's nonsensical rant is cut short by Rachel's stifled giggle. She smiles softly as she says "I'm sure Beastboy would appreciate this conversation. It was his idea that we come here, after all."

He doesn't quite understand why he feels annoyed by Rachel bringing up their green teammate at a time like this. It is just the two of them right now, so couldn't she just focus on him for a minute without bringing up someone else. The rest of their team are ransacking the gift shop at the entrance of the aquarium, but Richard wasn't in the mood to go shopping. He's been starting to feel restless and just wanted a moment of quiet. Apparently, so did Rachel. He doesn't mind her presence because it doesn't wear him down quite like the others. It's nice to sit in silence or enjoy short bursts of conversation with someone who feels the same.

"Sometimes, he does have good ideas," she continues. Richard grunts in response as he takes a large bite of his chicken sandwich. She watches him as he chews. He knows that she's taking in his unfamiliar profile. Neither she, nor the team, has gotten used to seeing his bare face yet. When they were newly formed, he was committed to wearing the mask, even going so far as to sleep with it on in case an emergency were to happen. Now, he's much more comfortable around them, but more importantly, they've proven their loyalty.

"What's this?" she asks as she quickly snatches the pamphlet out of his loose grip which caused the pencil he was using to fall on the floor. Rachel's quick violet eyes scan the little sketch that he made on the back page of the leaflet. It was a rough outline for a battle suit. There was no cape, it appears to be a one piece and the boots were taller than the ones the current Robin suit has. "Are you thinking about upgrading your costume?"

"Um," he starts as he thinks about how much to tell her, "It's more of an overhaul than an actual upgrade."

"Oh? I thought you love being Robin?" she asks with genuine curiosity in her voice, "Do you not want to be him anymore?"

"It's not that I don't want to be him anymore...it's more like I don't want to stay him forever," Richard quietly says to the space between them. "Do you know what I mean?"

Rachel is silent as she processes his words. They both continue to watch the fish swimming in the tank. Lost in their own thoughts. Eventually, Rachel breaks the silence with "Is that why you've been talking about evolution?"

"Yea. Kinda," he says with his eyes slightly glazed over from watching fish swim back and forth. "Batman has two bat boys right now. Me and Jason, yet we're two very different people. We're evolving in different ways. Jason has already broken away from him and I'm…" still very much under his thumb.

How does he explain to her what he can barely understand himself? For as long as he has known Batman, he has always wanted to be like him. Willing to do just about anything to please him, including wearing the Robin suit. When Bruce says jump, he asks how high because he so desperately wants positive affirmations from the emotionally closed off man. Jason was the exact opposite. He's always had a problem with authority figures and broke away from the Dark Knight when he was beaten to death by the Joker. Bruce had been torn up by the death of his other adoptive son but was even more devastated when Jason turned his back on him. He went on to create the Red Hood. An entity completely independent from Batman. More crime fighters started taking him seriously when he went solo. Richard envied that. He is doing what the "good son" should do. He kept wearing the yoke of Robin, took charge of a team he wasn't entirely sure he wanted just to impress his mentor and kept himself as unproblematic as he could. Sure, there were hiccups here and there with plenty of miscommunication between the mentor and mentee, but nothing nearly as wild as what Jason was doing. As complex as his feelings are towards Bruce, he never wants to see that man so broken up again.

"Maybe I'll be selfish enough to do it one day," Richard mumbles under his breath. Completely forgetting that Rachel was sitting right by his side. The sound of her voice made him jump a little.

"I don't think that growth is selfish," she says. "It's normal. You don't want to be trapped under the weight of your father figure any more than I do. Than any child does."

She hands the impromptu sketch back to him and says, "Evolve how you feel you need to. I trust your judgment. Besides, even if you did become a villain...there's a whole Titan team here who are ready and willing to kick your butt."

"Thanks Rachel," he says as he tucks the pamphlet into his back pocket. "I appreciate your support."

"Are you still going to keep those gaudy colors?" she asks. Referring to the black, red, and green of the Robin suit.

"Oh god! No," he chuckles. "I was thinking about cutting it down to only two colors like black and red."

"Sounds menacing," she comments as she breaks the seal on her water bottle. He watches as she lifts the bottle to her full lips and takes polite sips of water to quench her thirst. Richard can feel the pupils of his eyes dilating as the water droplets glisten in the aquarium lights. He unconsciously licks his own lips as though the moisture is there.

"Then...maybe not red," he says as he forces his eyes to drop to her shirt...which wasn't much better. It was a warm day and Rachel was wearing a simple black tank top underneath a sheer navy over piece. It was long sleeve and covered almost half of her palms, but it did nothing to hide the shape of her breasts in the tight top underneath. On closer inspection, Richard can see that there was a slight shimmer to the shirt. Without much thought, he reaches out and gently grasps the material of her sheer shirt between his thumb and forefinger. He rolls the material within his touch as he mumbles "Maybe blue."

Richard asks more loudly, "Isn't blue your favorite color?"

Rachel looks a bit confused by the question and says "Yes, but…"

Her next words are cut off when he states, "Blue is my favorite color, too."

"Wouldn't have guessed that by looking at your wardrobe," Rachel says while rolling her eyes.

"Nope, not in the wardrobe...in my collection of boxers," he retorts with the grin of a fool on his face.

"Ugh..I know too much...too much," she groans which just made his smile wider.

"But in all seriousness. If I were to ever make a suit like this, I'd like it to be blue and black."

"I can't believe you actually did it. That was years ago, Dick!" Rachel exclaims as she looks at him with disbelief in her eyes.

"You said you'd support me because you trust my judgment," Richard pushes back. "Does that not stand anymore?"

Rachel is kneading the space between her brows with her eyes closed in an attempt to keep the building headache at bay. Richard is taking a moment to appreciate her figure and the enticing way her leotard cuts along her hips. Now that he thinks about it, he has always been mindful of her proportions but never allowed himself to openly admit his attraction. Until now. There was no need to hold back anymore. No need to be the good son or the perfect leader who can juggle business and pleasure.

He has given himself permission to be selfish.

"Of course, I…" there was a slight pause before she finished her sentence with "trust you."

"That didn't sound very convincing, Rachel," he says with a darker tone in his voice. When she finally opens her eyes, Richard is standing much closer to her than before. She seems startled and he is sure that she is replaying yesterday in her mind. Just like he had been reminiscing about their alone time at the aquarium. A younger Rachel hadn't realized what she was doing at the time, but she had given him the permission that he needed to start shaping his own future. A destiny made by him, for him.

When he had first came to terms with that realization, he had been annoyed. What about her made him want to seek her approval? He should be working on being more independent and self-reliant. Over time, he came to realize something about himself which was simultaneously restricting and empowering. He needs at least one person in his corner to help him push through and stay strong. When his parents died, it was Bruce that he turned to. When his mentor could no longer fill the void, he attempted to shift that responsibility to Starfire but when she proved unworthy, he had unexpectedly found a kindred spirit in Rachel. The need to have her look at him with eyes full of trust and a face full of warmth has kept him from fleeing the Titans for years. It's a look that she hasn't shown anyone else for fear that they might hurt her with it. There have been moments where he wanted to cradle her round face between his two hands and gently run his thumbs over her soft cheeks. Not being able to act on his impulses, no matter how much he may want to, feels like a restrictive chain around his throat. But, on the other hand, having her in his life has shown him that he is capable of so much more than people give him credit for. He would move mountains if it meant keeping her. He has, literally, been to hell and back for her. Neither one of them should be surprised that his feels run this deep, but that doesn't stop the intensity of it all from knocking the wind out of him in unsuspecting moments.

Rachel pulls Richard out of his own thoughts by saying "I...I...I don't know how to read you anymore. What you're doing doesn't make sense."

"Are you saying that you don't trust me?" he asks with a bite in his voice. He has to remind himself that lovers' quarrels are normal and necessary.

"I'm saying that these choices don't make sense. What are you hoping to gain from this?" she asks while waving at his suit, again. Richard pauses to take a deep breath because she is attempting to dodge his question.

"Listen to me, Rachel. I'm trying to kill two birds with one stone…" he begins but she cuts him off.

"Yea. Those two birds are us," she huffs out as she crosses her arms under her chest.

"Right now, the attention is on us...as a potential couple. If I show up in a different suit, then the focus will shift to me and what I'm wearing and off of 'us.' I don't mind the masses. I've maneuvered them many times before. I'm thinking about you because I know that you're new to this and you don't want to be the center of attention in all of this," Richard explains.

"Uh-huh," Rachel responds with her arms still crossed, "Do you think I'm blind or dumb? Maybe both. I've been knocked down a couple of times, but I haven't completely lost my mind. Did you think that I can't see the matching colors here, Dick? Do you think they won't see matching colors? The blue on your chest is the same blue on my cape. My leotard is black and the rest of your suit is black. This just makes us look even more like a couple!"

"It doesn't matter what they say or think! You were with me when I was putting together the initial design. We were together on that bench when I told you that the colors that I would use are blue and black…" Richard responds in exasperation.

"Then why now? Huh?" she demands.

"Why not now?" he counters.

"What? Do you even hear yourself? The team's in the middle of a crisis. One of our members is halfway across the world and the other two who are here have a problem with either you and/or me! And now is the time when you want to rock the boat? Are you trying to destroy us?" she asks. The last question was said with a tear in her eye. Richard knew she was afraid that the only family that she's ever known will be pulled apart and that there was nothing she could do to stop it. Even with her magical abilities, she couldn't force them to stay together without breaking every ethical boundary she has.

Richard slowly approaches his emotionally worked up beloved. He knows that he needs to tread carefully because it could be dangerous if he pushes too hard and she loses control. She doesn't back away from him as he gets closer. She's too busy swiping angrily at her eyes. She's been trained from birth to disregard her emotions and conceal her vulnerabilities, least someone take advantage of them. Someone worse than him. He wasn't after world domination or destruction. He just wanted her to stop being so damn independent and lean on him more.

She flinches as he gently grasps her by the elbows and pulls her a step closer to him. He doesn't try to outright embrace her because he knew she would rebel, so he gives her a little shake instead.

"Listen to me, Rachel," he calmly says, "The team is going through changes. Growing pains. Evolving. Whatever you want to call it. It's neither good or bad. It just is. You've known for a while that I've grown tired of being Robin. That hero no longer reflects who I am as a person. Or the things that I used to be willing to do to keep it."

As he speaks, he's slowly pulling her in closer to him, "I can't tell you how many awkward and alarming conversations that I've had with Batman. We've been disagreeing more than usual. I don't want to be under his thumb anymore. I don't want to be linked with him anymore. I need to be my own person so that I can fully make my own choices. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

By this point he has fully pulled her into his arms and her head is resting on his chest. While he couldn't clearly see her face, he is sure that her eyes are squeezed shut. Richard knows that this would be the one talking point that she could identify with and not question too much. She didn't want to lose the closest thing that she has to a family, but she also knows what it's like having her choices dictated to her by the monks and by Trigon.

Richard feels her arms wrap around his torso as she mumbles a question into his chest. He nudges her a little so that she can look at him and when she does, he says, "I didn't hear you."

He watches her lick her dry lips before asking "Does this mean that you're leaving the Titans?"

Richard gently brings his right hand up to cradle to back of her head as he begins to lightly sway their bodies together. "No. I'm not leaving you." Because I'm taking you with me.

He gently runs his fingertips through her hair while he says, "Rachel. I know you're worked up right now, but someone is going to come get us so that we can start the conference. The sooner we start, the sooner it'll all be over. I know that you'd rather not talk to the public so leave all the hard questions to me. You just need to stick to the script."

He feels her nodding against his chest before she quietly says, "I don't like this, Dick. There's too much happening to fast and to soon. Not everything makes sense to me."

"I know," he says, "But I'll explain as much as I can, to the best of my ability when the conference is over."

Before Rachel can respond, there's a knock on the door and a timid "You're on in 5!"

Richard reluctantly lets her step out of his embrace. He watches as she walks over to the full-length mirror in the corner of his dressing room and gently dabs at her eyes before finger combing her hair. She stands up straight and gently allows the folds of her cape to fall forward and envelope her body in a dark cocoon of safety. As she walks to the door, she pauses next to him to say, "I hope you know what you're doing, Dick, because I sure don't."

With those words, the door flew open in the same way that it flew shut earlier. Rachel strides outside with all of the confidence that she can muster. For those that don't know her, she looks like the pinnacle of poise, grace and self-control, but to Richard, she looks like a woman tittering on the edge. Just where he needs her to be for this to work.

They will be on stage in the next chapter, I promise. But look at our dear Dick being a master manipulator. Do you think it's working?