***See disclaimer about Wolfsbane before Ch. 4

From the playlist:

Make Your Own Kind Of Music - Cass Elliot (continued)

novembre - November Ultra

What If I Love You - Gatlin

Aneurysm - Nirvana

Ch. 8 - The Miscalculation

"Remus. Remus."

His eyelids peeled open.

"Come on Moony, wakey-wakey," Sirius jolted him.

Remus awoke in a haze and lurched up to sit, unsure whether he was still drunk or not. "How...how long have I been out?" he rasped wearily.

"Moony, listen." Sirius sat down and put his hands on Remus's shoulders, looking ill at ease. "I didn't realize it earlier - the full moon's tonight."

"...No. No, that's impossible. It's not until the fourth," Remus assured him, shaking his throbbing head.

"Mate, today is the fourth."

His head snapped up, and he frantically scanned the room for a clock. How could he have been so thick and lost track of the days?

"You haven't taken your potion yet today."

"What time is it?" He staggered as he stood up, recalling that he was wearing his watch.

It was nearly six, and the sun had set.

"I have to go," he muttered, panicked.

"You okay to disapparate-?"

"I don't know," he snapped, putting his palms over his eyes and trying to get them to focus.

Sirius strode to the fireplace and threw a fistful of Floo powder in for him. "Go."

…

Emmeline hadn't been able to get through more than thirty pages of her book all day. She was too distracted to distract herself with another distraction. Nearly every time she finished a paragraph, she realized that she hadn't paid attention to any of the words she'd just read, and had to go back and read it all over again; sometimes twice or three times. Lord, if a book couldn't soothe her…

She considered getting dressed and getting out of the flat, but the thought alone exhausted her. It was too cold and she was in no right mind. Noticing that the sun had set outside, she gave up on her book and was made aware of her growling stomach. Sluggishly, she arose from the sofa and traipsed to the kitchen in search of something to quell her appetite. As she passed it, she stared longingly at the spot Remus had disapparated from the previous evening.

"Perhaps I should just go talk to him," she thought to herself. They hadn't exactly left things the way she hoped they might've. Leaving to speak with Remus would only further provoke Tiberius, however. He would be home from the ministry shortly, which meant they would have to talk about last night, and she was dreading that conversation, too. It would be wiser just to send Remus a letter. She approached the window sill where Orpheus, her barn owl, was resting, and gently stroked his neck feathers with her index finger.

No, a letter would not be enough, and Remus deserved to hear everything from her own mouth rather than the mouth of an owl. She owed him that.

She continued on into the kitchen and perused the cupboard. Deciding that she didn't have enough patience to cook, she settled for a plain slice of bread and dug in at once. As soon as she'd made it back to the sofa, there came a knock at the door.

Emmeline's heart leapt. She swallowed the rest of the slice in one big bite and wiped the crumbs from her mouth before vaulting over the sofa to the entryway.

It's not that she wasn't pleased to see Marlene, but she'd sort of been hoping it was someone else.

"Marley," she acknowledged her, surprised by her friend's presence in her doorway. "…What's the matter?"

Marlene threw herself into Emmeline's embrace before she responded. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, sorry."

"...Remus told you, didn't he?"

She felt Marlene nod against her.

Emmeline hadn't the energy to be upset about this, and had half expected it. Now that the wedding was over, she'd been planning to tell Marlene and Lily anyway. Grateful for her friend and the loving touch of a hug, she squeezed her back, closing the door.

Pushing herself out of the Emmeline's arms and looking her in the eye, Marlene then said something that shocked Emmeline to her core:

"You are so brave."

Whatever she had expected Marlene to say, it wasn't that.

Emmeline's jaw swung open. "...I'm not," she disagreed, shaking her head. "I ran away, it wasn't brave at all. The opposite, actually."

Marlene pushed her bangs out of her face exasperatedly. "You Gryffindor types can be so thick sometimes," she muttered, dragging Emmeline to the couch and sitting her down, a bit like Remus had.

"I trust you didn't mean to say that out loud," Emmeline grumbled, unsure if she was more offended by the compliment or the insult.

"I don't know. Listen to me. You are brave. You left your entire life behind to protect your bairn. What about that doesn't sound brave to you?"

Emmeline supposed she had never thought about it that way, but disagreed nonetheless. "I didn't even think, Marlene. I didn't think about you, or Lily, and I especially didn't think about Remus. I didn't think at all. I just got up and left without a goodbye. It was the epitome of cowardice and self preservation."

"Emmeline." Marlene sat down beside her and took her hands again. "That not-thinking-just-doing instinct you felt was a motherly instinct. Was it wrong to abandon Remus without a goodbye? Yes. Horrid, actually. I won't defend you there. Should you have let us know what was going on? Absolutely. But I know why you did it, and it wasn't self-preservation. It was self-sacrifice. I think self-sacrifice is just about the bravest thing there is."

Emmeline felt her temper starting to flare up, but was not mindful enough to realize that this was triggered more by her own shame than by Marlene's attempt to reason with her. "I didn't even come back after I'd lost the baby."

"I'm not going to fault you for whatever you needed to do to recover from that, because I don't think I could possibly understand how difficult that must have been."

"Really Marlene, you're giving me far too much credit, and you shouldn't."

"Think about it, Emmeline. Do you love me?"

"Of course I do."

"And Lily? Sirius?"

"Yes."

"You love your friends, and even though you knew it would hurt us, you had to get yourself somewhere else. Which is why I know that leaving must've been a hard, mature, brave thing to do. Because I know you, and I should have known that you would never hurt the people you love without good reason."

"That can't possibly be the case, because I love Remus, and all I seem to do is hurt him-"

She gasped. Marlene didn't look the least bit surprised; in fact, she smiled knowingly.

Emmeline covered her mouth with the side of her palm and jumped up off the couch, wondering if she'd sabotaged her life all over again. "...Oh my God."

Marlene stood too. "...Em."

"What?"

"Go."

"Go…go where?"

"You have to tell him."

"No," she protested, beginning to walk away - though she wasn't exactly sure where she was going.

"You have to!"

"I can't."

Marlene pursued her. "Why not?"

"Because...he just ought to find someone else. Someone better."

Marlene had caught up, and ran around to block her way. "For the love of Rowena, stop being so dramatic! Your complete and utter lack of a filter may have just saved your life. You're really going to resign yourself to being McLaggen's housewife when you've just said you still love Remus? Are you mad?"

"Tiberius-"

"-is a wanker Emmeline. Honestly, I don't know what you were thinking." Marlene looked as if she'd been waiting to say this, and frankly, Emmeline didn't think to disagree.

"He'll be home any minute now."

"So?"

"So he's going to have a fit if he finds out! He's already pissed about last night!"

"Then break it off with him and be done with it!"

This was too much to reckon with all at once. Emmeline put her hand over her eyes.

Marlene considered it again and changed her mind. "…That's going to be a logistical nightmare, isn't it-?"

"All my things are here, I have nowhere to go, and as I've learned, it wouldn't be fair to leave without a goodbye."

"…Well he's a bit of a different story, isn't he-?"

"Marley!"

"Look, Remus is on the bottle, and he's a wreck. You have to talk to him. It can't wait." Marlene tapped her forehead, scheming. "I'll distract Tiberius."

"Wh-…You'll distract him?"

"Yeah. I'll tell him Sirius and I had a row, I came here to cool off, and you went over to reason with him. It'll buy you some time."

"I don't know…"

"C'mon, I'm a smashing actress. Just let me handle him. You have other, more pressing, more suitable things to worry about."

Emmeline was grasping for straws. "I can't. I don't know where Remus lives now."

"He moved a few blocks over from the old flat. I cannae remember the name of the road off the top of my head, but if you turn right at the end of Church Street-"

"Marlene," Emmeline stopped her, her voice coming out much quieter. "I can't."

"You have to," she repeated, holding her hand against Emmeline's stomach. "I know this is heinous advice coming from me, but don't think, just do. What are your instincts telling you to do?"

…

Emmeline apparated to the chapel of St. Jerome's as she had for the wedding, then set out to look for Remus. Don't think, just do. It was an unusually chilled evening, even colder than normal for November weather, and her "instincts" had failed once again to mention that she should bring her coat. She walked briskly to keep her teeth from chattering.

Marlene would handle Tiberius, somehow. Emmeline hoped that he would buy her story, otherwise tonight would be strike two in a row.

No, come to think of it:

At this point, if she struck out, so be it.

Being back around people who cared about her enough to tell her when she was wrong was making Emmeline realize a great many things. Over the course of the last twenty-four hours, it dawned on her that she had allowed her standards to rust and corrode. It was also dawning on her that, in her absence, she'd forgotten how exceedingly good of a friend Marlene was.

She hadn't been walking for very long when Emmeline reached the painfully familiar flat on Church Street. As she stared contemplatively up at the first floor of the two-story building, memories of Welsh crepe breakfasts, black and white reruns, and sleepless nights danced behind her eyes.

Some other couple was having dinner in there now.

She veered right like Marlene instructed and began checking the names scribbled onto mailbox cards of the surrounding residences. Lupin...Lupin...Lupin…

She hadn't the faintest idea what to say to Remus if and when he opened the door; she hadn't planned that far ahead. Don't think, just do. Coming right out with it and telling him she still loved him would be far too overwhelming, she thought. She needed to explain herself. People in their right mind who are still in love with someone don't usually try to tether themselves to that person's antithesis, so that would certainly require a bit of an explanation; at worst, some groveling.

"I should have come after you," Remus's voice echoed in her memory.

She just needed him to know, regardless of whether or not it changed anything.

Her pace slowed when she noticed a townhouse on the other side of the street with its door ajar. Eyeballing the entrance to the home momentarily, she waited for its forgetful resident to come shut their door. But nobody came, and there appeared to be no lights on inside. Then again, she couldn't really tell, since it was so bright outside-

She jerked her head up to look at the sky.

Full moon.

Her mind started racing.

It couldn't have been his house. He told her the potion allowed him to undergo the transformation at home, and he would never be so careless as to leave the door open.

Unless…

…something had gone wrong.

Marlene mentioned he'd been drinking, and that never mixed well with the transformation.

It might not be his house…but best to check.

With her wand drawn and at the ready, she approached the door.

It wasn't just ajar; it was off its hinges.

She broke into a jog.

"Remus?" she called out, shuffling around the door and letting herself in.

Eerie silence was the only thing that greeted her.

"Lumos."

The sight was disturbing to say the least. Torn fabric and wooden debris littered the floor, with evidence of Remus's transformation on every piece of splintering furniture downstairs. Proceeding into the kitchen, she nearly stepped in a puddle of deep blue liquid dappled with shattered glass. She was sure it must have been the Wolfsbane. What happened?

Best to seek the help of an expert.

…

As soon as she apparated, she saw crisps fly through the air then felt a wand at her neck.

Her hands shot up in surrender. "It's me, it's Emmie!"

Sirius lowered his wand, grumbling as he rubbed his face. "What the hell, Emmeline-!"

"I'm sorry-!"

"I nearly petrified you."

"I didn't mean to startle you, but Sirius I-!"

"You know, you and Moony are quite the pair. Between the two of you, I think I've developed an aneurysm-"

"I think Remus missed his potion!" she blurted.

Sirius stilled. "What?"

"I can't find him anywhere, I don't know what happened-"

"Slow down. Where's Marley?"

"She's still in the City, she's er-...helping me with something."

"Why-..." Sirius shook his head to skip to the more pressing question, bending down to scribble something on a napkin. "How do you know Remus missed the potion?"

"His door was broken, the house is destroyed-"

Before she'd finished her sentence, he grabbed her hand and disapparated.

The pair of them touched down in Remus's kitchen, but Sirius's foot landed on a chunk of wood from the dining table and he nearly fell over. If Emmeline hadn't caught him around the waist in time, he would've completely lost his balance.

"Putain," he swore in French, alarmed by the state of the house.

"Is there somewhere he usually goes when this happens?" Emmeline asked as she tore through cabinets in search of more Wolfsbane.

Sirius spun around to survey the living room and assessed the puddle the same way Emmeline had. "If he takes the potion for a week before the moon, he's able to stay home. He hasn't missed it once since he started on it this year." He wasn't one to panic; but this was definitely bad.

There was a collection of filled bottles like the one broken on the floor in the last cupboard Emmeline checked, and she plucked out the one nearest her. "Can you find him some clothes? Or a coat? Wait, make that two coats."

Sirius turned to her and raised his eyebrows."...You're not seriously thinking of going after him."

"Don't think, just do."

"…What?"

"Nevermind, just- the coats, Sirius!"

But Sirius only bent down to lace up his combat boots tighter. "I'll go find him, and you'll stay put."

"Like hell I will. You'll need someone with a wand - and opposable thumbs."

"He'll throttle me if he finds out I took you."

"That'll be the least of your concerns if he's hurt himself, or hurt someone else."

"Em-"

"We don't have time to argue about this." She was about to search for some sort of receptacle for the bottle, but Sirius took hold of her shoulders.

"Emmeline, listen to me carefully," he instructed. "He's been drinking, and it's been so long since he went without the potion that he might be severely aggressive. When we find him, do not try to reason with him, and do not assume that he recognizes you. If you do, he could bite you or kill you. Do you understand?"

She nodded, trying to conceal her anxiety.

"I need to hear you say it."

"I understand."

"Good." He moved towards the entryway closet, opened it, then tossed her a coat and a satchel. "We'll start in the woods."