For as long as I can remember I've been a proverbial 'black sheep', wether it was at home or school I always seemed to be the odd man out… The one that didn't fit in with the others. Being alone was sort of par for the course. Up until college I had Phoebe to keep me company in times of desperation. But in the end her brains managed to get her into a big fancy college 200 miles away from Hillwood. So when the possibility of having to share a dorm room with a random stranger came up, I begged and pleaded with Big Bob for months for him to have a little chitchat with the big cheese in the residency department of Hillwood U (who just so happens to be his best friend). As a father, Big Bob earns a D- at the most. But as a master negotiator? The big oaf gets an A+ from me. Because of him I currently live in one of the few single dorms on campus, the only time I have to deal with people on my floor is when I have to shower in that ungodly washroom. For the most part I welcome my newfound independence from having to share my living space with others. There have been times over the years when I kind of missed knowing there was someone around… even if they never saw me. But the loneliness quickly fades away when I'm surrounded by my idiotic frat boys… and Arnold.

Being welcomed into their little bubble was sort of by chance. During our freshman year at Hillwood U, I was in the library looking for a certain book for my American literature class when I overheard tall hair boy and Arnold conversing in the row across from me. They were discussing an upcoming celebration for the newest frat brothers initiation at Sigma Phi Delta. In Gerald's own words, it was "gonna be the biggest bash EVER!" and he was desperately trying to convince Arnold to join him in the frat boy festivities. Back then Arnold was still very much in his shell, unwilling to break out of his "good boy" mold. He kept muttering how he wanted nothing to do with the frat, I had a feeling it was most likely due to the fact they were stealing his roommate away from him and he was bitter about it. On an impulse I went over to their row and asked where the party was, attempting to be friendly. Both of them gave me an awkward look before finally questioning why a person like me would want to go to a party where there was going to be tons of rowdy guys around, and that maybe one of the sorority parties would be more fun for me. If there was one thing I couldn't stand it was people judging me based on social standards. I told them that despite what's between my legs I could party with the best of them… and that if they didn't invite me I was going to rip their man parts off to match with me. With that, Gerald begrudgingly gave me the address to the frat house. The night of the party I showed up in a pair of ripped jeans and a black t-shirt, refusing to dumb down and dress up for a bunch of Neanderthals with keg hoses hanging out of their mouths. The first person to find me was Gerald who was downright wasted off his ass. He thrust a beer into my hands and welcomed me to 'paradise'. I glanced around the smoky room and wondered if he really considered hanging with drunk numbskulls bashing beer cans on their foreheads a genuine paradise. Either way I took the beer and made my way through the throng of the man-party in search of the one guy I knew all too well. I ended up finding him sitting on a couch unwillingly conversing with an extremely drunk frat brother who was going on and on about his ex dumping him the night before. When we spotted each other from across the room and he desperately mouthed 'help me!' and motioned to the drunk guy. I went over to them and sat on the arm of the couch next to Arnold, he pointed to the now hunched over and sobbing lush and introduced him to me as Louis.

In the midst of his sobbing and babbling I managed to sneak Arnold away and get him back to the real party. Once Arnold had a few beers in him (getting him to drink at all was no easy feat, I must say) he began to loosen up a little and enjoying himself. When Gerald finally made an appearance again he was barely able to stand on two feet, stumbling into everything in his path. Him and his fellow frat brothers were looking for candidates to partake in a game of beer pong. I was one of the first people to volunteer, making everyone else leery about challenging a girl. I stood up on the coffee table and announced that any bitch who was scared to face me shouldn't be called a man at all, and that I'd be waiting at the table for anyone with the balls to challenge me. Surprisingly, one of the guys immediately took me up on my offer. Several rounds and several challengers later I was declared the champion at the Sigma Phi Delta house. It was a stupid title, but I didn't give a damn. There was finally something I was good at… and people liked me for it. The very next weekend Arnold approached me and told me the frat boys BEGGED him to ask me if I was down for another beer pong tournament at the frat house, I was only too happy to oblige. That time I decided to dress a little more nicely, even going as far as putting some makeup on. The night went off without a hitch and everyone seemed to be enjoying my company (even Arnold). After my third win that night Louis slung his arm over my shoulders and pulled me into him before drunkenly slurring that I was 'the MAN!' and how rad I was. Only then did it hit me… they invited me back simply because I was good at beer pong… not for any other reason. I had two choices; get offended and never bother with them again, or embrace the attention. Needless to say I simply brushed off his comment and continued like normal. Soon after that incident the frat brothers continued inviting me to their events as an honorary guest and slowly over time I began caring less and less about them not addressing the fact that I am a female, I was just happy they wanted me around at all.

That was basically what cemented my college social life. I've spent the last three years hanging out and being 'one of the boys'. I never thought in a million years I would hang out with, yet alone get along with frat boys. I think a big reason why I stuck it out for so long was because of Arnold. For the first time in my life he didn't mind me being around him and interacting in his world on such a personal level. I admit that after all these years I still find him… appealing. But as far as pursuing any type of romantic relationship… we've never even tried. I don't have a shrine anymore of his likeness and my poem books and Arnold locket are safely stored in my storage unit downtown. My pink bow is tied to my memory board next to a photo of me and Arnold holding up mugs of green beer last Saint Patrick's day. It was one of my favorite photos of us, he had willingly wrapped an arm around me and held me close for the photo. It was trivial but what can I say? I'm still a sap when it comes to him. Even if it meant losing all femininity I once had, I was going to milk being part of his 'inner circle' for all it was worth.

I finally had what I always dreamed of..

His attention.

I woke up the next morning to the nauseating smell of cigar smoke that was still clinging to my hair from last night. Once I got back to my dorm I forced myself to read for my English class until I passed out around 3am at the foot my bed. I was planning on waking up at 6 and taking a shower before my 7:30 Spanish class with Arnold.. But as luck would have it I forgot to set my alarm last night. I woke up around 9 partially hung over and extremely cranky that I had missed my class. My next class wasn't until 11 but I still didn't have time for a shower. I had to find Arnold so I could get the lecture notes from him so I wouldn't fall any further behind than I already was. He had his psychology class at 10 so it gave me enough time to change into fresh clothes and throw my hair in a messy ponytail and put a baseball cap on over it so I didn't look completely trashy.

"Good morning Helga!" one of the bubbly second year girls greeted me as I rushed by her in the hallway.

"Yeah yeah.." I pushed past her and walked even faster towards the stairwell.

"Have nice day!" she called out just as I started down the stairwell.

"I'm surrounded by Lila's." I muttered.

When I got outside I literally sprinted across campus to get to Arnold's class which was starting in 15 minutes. I made it to the lecture hall with five minutes to spare. The room was full of students in stadium style seats, most of them typing on their laptops or reading their books. It only took me a minute to find Arnold among the dozens of people, he was towards the back of the class and slouched in his seat with his head resting in his palm. As I got closer to him I noticed he was fast asleep and snoring softly. He looked so darn adorable with his face partly stretched on his hand as he weighed heavily against it. I almost felt guilty for waking him up…. almost.

My palm collided with his forearm, causing his hand to disconnect from his head and dropping it to the small desk with a loud thump. His head shot up in panic before he glared up at me. "What the heck Helga?" he groaned. "Ouch!"

I took a seat next to him and put my feet on the chair in front of me. "Long night football head?"

He sunk back down into his chair and continued to rub the now tender spot on his forehead. "Something like that… But at least I managed to wake up." he smirked. "Where were you this morning?"

"I had a steamy encounter with my pillow last night." I mock-gushed. "What do you think dummy? I forgot to set my alarm before I started studying."

"You're going to get in trouble one of these days." he sighed, grabbing his notebook from his bag and handing it to me. I could always count on Arnold to pick up my slack when I overslept. It was one of the things I lo-… liked about him.

"So.." I put his notebook away in my bag. "Why were you napping in class of all places? That goes against your whole 'Mr. Perfect' routine!"

He rolled his eyes at the 'Mr. Perfect' comment. "I just… didn't have a pleasant morning." his expression turned sour. "I was woken up this morning by the 'Rats' soundtrack"

After Gerald ditched him for the frat house, Arnold was assigned a new roommate. Out of everyone in our whole school system he ended up with Eugene Horowitz. Trust me, nobody laughed harder than I did when we found out who he was getting stuck with. Needless to say their dorm gets weekly visits from the fire department. I relished the fact that I was free from roommate drama, and I loved teasing him about his.

"Eugene does love his musicals" I repeatedly poked his arm, attempting to get a rouse out of him. He didn't even crack a smile. "So…" I awkwardly cleared my throat "what time did you get back to your dorm last night?"

"Midnight or so.." he shrugged. "But I didn't really sleep well last night." he accentuated his statement by drawing out a yawn.

"Did Eugene bring over his… special friend again?" I held back a smirk.

"No." he gave me a harsh glare. "I just… had a lot on my mind last night…"

"Like?"

"I don't know.." he looked away suddenly. "I was just wondering something…"

I leaned closer to him and raised my eyebrows. "I'm listening."

"Last night." he finished, finally meeting my gaze. I instantly felt my heartbeat pick up a little bit. I was pretty sure I knew what he was talking about.

"What about it?" I decided to play dumb.

"Don't hurt me for asking this… but…" he prepared himself for my wrath "were you… flirting with me? Because it kinda felt like it and I-"

"Oh crimeny football head!" I snorted. "Deflate your ego a little would ya? Last night was nothing but us acting like dorks." I was praying that he wouldn't notice me furiously wiping my sweaty palms on to my jeans or the way my breath hitched when he used the word 'flirt'. The last thing I wanted was for things to start getting awkward between us… again. "We're just friends. Amigos. Confidants. Cohorts… Buddies." I stared blankly at the projection screen in the front of the room. "Friends." I repeated.

After several moments of silence he shifted in his seat "Oh.." was his only response.

"Yeah… I gotta get going. Thanks for the notes Arnold." I grabbed my bag and left without another word. If this didn't create some sort of awkward tension I didn't know what else would. We both spent a lot of time and energy in high school trying to forget about my unhealthy obsession with him. He made it very clear from the start that he wasn't interested in me that way, and in the end we were both able to move on from it scar free (as much as one possibly can). When college started it was sort of a new beginning for us. Thanks to the frat brothers we kind of had a buffer between us so things could never get awkward again… that was until last night.

"Stupid stupid stupid stupid STUPID!" I chanted angrily to myself as I walked through campus to my class. "You just had to act like a big freaking IDIOT last night! Way to go Pataki… Way to piss away three years!"

"You know Helga, when people start talking to themselves its usually a sign of psychosis." I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around to see Rhonda smirking at me.

"Princess" I hissed. "What the hell are you doing sneaking up on me? For cripes sake!"

"I wasn't sneaking." she gave me a predatory glare. "So… three years huh? This wouldn't happen to be about… Arnold?"

I felt my shoulders visibly tense under her accusatory gaze "Ya know Rhonda…" I stepped closer to her, fists clenched. "the things I do or don't say when I'm drunk are never to be repeated! Are we on the same wavelength here?"

Despite my threat she didn't even bat an eyelash "Hey, don't get me wrong Helga! I think it's cute you're still madly in lo-"

"SHUT UP!" I growled. "It's not like that anymore… we're just friends." She gave me a 'get real' look and scoffed. "We are friends! Get it through your microscopic brain."

She circled around me and studied me for a moment, further delaying my hasty exit from her stupid assumptions. "First you team up with his little frat pack-"

"Stop." I warned

"And now?… now you're close enough to make a move after three long years of the friend zone." she put her hand on my shoulder and sighed. "You're a mad genius Pataki."

Never in my life had I regretted drinking as much as I did right then. Last New Years Eve during a big joint fraternity and sorority bash I had gotten so intoxicated that I ended up blabbing to Rhonda and her minions about how I still sorta had a thing for that stupid little football head. Ever since that night Rhonda is always giving me a hard time… yet there was nothing I could do about it. If I ripped her face off Arnold would want to know why… and if I didn't play along with her she would probably tell Arnold. Either way I was freaking screwed.

"Look princess, I hang out with the 'frat pack' because they're the only ones who don't treat me like I'm different." I shrugged her hand off my shoulder and stepped away. "Now if you'll excuse me I have class."

"You know someday you're going to forget what it's like to be a girl Helga!" she called out as I walked away, thinking her words would actually matter to me.

I forgot a long time ago.

After I was finished with my afternoon classes I went downtown to Rider's, the local college hangout where people usually gathered to escape the stuffy university atmosphere. It was in a seedy part of town but that didn't stop any of us from venturing there… not to mention they offered discounts to college students in the area. I ordered my usual double cheeseburger and fries and sat in the back corner hoping nobody else would sit near me. Despite the noisy jukebox blasting and the patrons chattering, Rider's was one of my favorite places to get my studying done. The chaos kind of reminded me of being home..

"Hey Pataki!"

Oh dammit.

Louis maneuvered through the room and began waving frantically to get my attention. "Louis." I greeted him as he grabbed a chair and spun it backwards for him to straddle. "Meeting someone here?" I asked hopefully.

"Nope." he shook his head back and forth, knocking some of his jet black hair over his eyes. "I just came by to pick up some grub before I head back to the house. Speaking of which.." he reached across the table and grabbed a fry and popped it in his mouth. "Why did you wuss out on us last night?"

"I told you.. I had to study." I said through clenched teeth as he reached for more fries.

"You never study." he smirked. "You always get Arnold to save your ass when you fall behind." I intercepted his hand as he reached for my milkshake, that's where I drew the line. "You were acting weird last night… and Arnold started pulling the same deal when we were hanging out after you-"

"Arnold came back there last night?" my eyes widened.

"Yeah, we played video games for a few hours. Why?" he shrugged.

That little LIAR! I'm gonna kill him.

"Nothing…" I muttered, pushing my food in his direction. I suddenly didn't feel very hungry anymore…

He picked up the cheeseburger and took a large bite. "So why did you really leave?" he mumbled through the large amount of hamburger filling his mouth.

"Does it matter?" I scoffed.

"Kinda."

"Well, sorry to disappoint you but I have no news to speak of. I had to study last night. Arnold is a weirdo... I don't care what he told you." I grabbed my bag and stood up. "I have to go.."

"What? Why? You don't want to hang out?"

"Not this time." I reached over and playfully ruffled his hair "There's a football out there I need to punt."

Arnold would most likely be at his dorm or the library. It was nearing 5 and his last class had gotten out an hour earlier. Since his dorm was closer I decided to try there first. He lived on the fourth floor of Jordan Hall. It was notorious for housing the campus party animals. The halls were always littered with leftover plastic cups and several of the doors usually had a sock tied around the knobs. It was basically Arnold's worst nightmare. I pounded furiously on Arnold's door until I heard someone on the other side. To my disdain it wasn't the person I was looking for.

"Helga? Why gosh! This is a nice surprise!" Eugene gushed. "What can I do for you?"

"Where's Arnold?" I grumbled.

"Well, he was here about fifteen minutes ago but he grabbed his shower stuff and-"

"Shower. Got it…" I walked away, leaving him standing in the doorway. When I found the floors washroom I peeked inside to find nobody standing around so I went inside. The room was filled by a heavy steam coming from the last shower which I assumed was Arnold. The sound of his cheery humming could be heard over the sound of the running water. If I hadn't been irritated with him I would have found it adorable that he likes to sing in the shower. I quietly set my stuff on the floor and hopped up on the counter to wait for him to finish. After a few minutes the water turned off and I could hear him messing around with his stuff behind the curtain, I silently began preparing myself for his upcoming beat down. He finally pulled the curtain back and stepped out. I had to mentally slap myself at the sight of him. He was wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, luckily he had his head down because he was toweling off his hair and he couldn't see my embarrassing hormonal reaction. I loudly cleared my throat to let my presence be known.

His head snapped up and he let out a gasp "Helga? What are you doing in here?" he covered his nipples with his hands. "Get out!"

I stared at him for a few seconds before responding "Are you seriously covering your man boobs right now?"

He glanced down at his hands and realized what he was doing, promptly removing them. "What are you doing here?… in our shower room?"

"I was hoping to see some naked guys, ya know…. The usual."

"Helga…" he sighed.

"Okay okay. I came here because… I wanted to know why you're a no good lying asshole."

"Excuse me?" his jaw hung open slightly.

"You heard me bucko." I hopped off the counter and stood in front of him. "You lied to me…" from the look on his face I could tell he still had no clue what I was talking about. "You told me you got back to your dorm at midnight… but Louis said you were with him playing video games. Explain that one to me? Why lie about it? Huh?" during my little tirade I had stepped even closer, our chests were nearly touching.

"You came all the way over here to ask me that? This couldn't wait until I wasn't half naked?" he gulped.

"At least I didn't get in the shower to yell at you football head! Now answer the question!" I jammed my index finger into his chest. "Why did you lie to me?"

"I don't know!" he finally took a step away from me. "I was just…. Having a weird night and I needed someone to talk to. I didn't mean to lie Helga… but there's just some things we can't talk about-"

"Are you pulling the gender card on me?" I hissed, knowing full on that I was about to get hysterical if all my hard work these past three years had gotten me absolutely nowhere.

"I… I…. uh…" he stuttered.

"Do you think these-" I grabbed my chest "do you think these make me any different than you?"

He focused his attention very intently on my hands for several seconds before meeting my gaze. "No… that's not what I think at all."

"I thought we were friends.." I whispered. In the back of my mind I knew this was well beyond the 'one of the boys' boundaries I had created for myself. I sounded like a clingy girlfriend right now.

"We are friends Helga. I just didn't know how to talk to you I guess. What happened between us last night was-"

"We went over this already!" I huffed. "Nothing happened last night!"

"I know! I know that now anyway…. And I'm sorry if I wasn't more forthcoming about it. From now on I'll just say what's on my mind. Okay?" he extended his hand.

"... Deal" I grasped his hand and shook.

"So.." he studied me as I backed away. "Did you want to hang out? We can go see what Gerald's up to.."

"Nah." I bent down to pick my bag up off the floor. "I still have to copy your lecture notes. And I've got a ton of prep questions."

"Oh… well.. Next time then." he smiled.

"Sure.." I glanced downward and felt myself grinning like an idiot. "Arnold?"

"Hm?"

"…. your towel is coming open."