**Two weeks later**
"SUCK ON THAT, BITCH!" I called out victoriously as the letters 'K-O' flashed on the screen while Louis' character fell to the ground with blood spewing from his ears.
"Dammit!" he tossed his controller in Danny's lap. "How do you do that?"
I stood up off the couch and did a little dance while simultaneously pointing at him and cackling. "I have skills sucka!"
Gerald peeked around the corner to see what all the ruckus was over "Sit your ass down Pataki! Nobody wants to see that." he rolled his eyes and disappeared once again into his room. For the past week he had been busy working on his term paper for his English class. To say he was a big bore lately would be an understatement.
I plopped back down next to Louis and nudged him with my shoulder. "Rematch? C'mon!"
"No no! It's my turn!" Danny held up a different game and fanned the air with it. "We're tired of playing that stupid boxing game!"
"Suit yourself." I leaned back into the couch and propped my feet up on the coffee table while he set up some stupid racing game.
"Hey guys!" a familiar voice echoed through the room as he came in the front door. "Hey Helga." Arnold tossed his bag on the floor and sat down next to me on the couch.
"Hey Arnold" the two greeted him without taking their eyes away from the TV.
"Hey…" he repeated, his face became dangerously close to mine "how are you?"
Damn it all to hell, things had become awkward again. At least it felt that way for me. My outburst in the shower room a few weeks ago was ridiculously stupid of me. If I could kick my own ass without awkward stares, I certainly would. Arnold had been extra kind to me lately and even more cautious about what he said in my presence. I ruined everything I worked for because of his little white lie. Why the hell did I have to go and act like a big baby about it?
"I'm fine." I muttered lowly. "Why?"
"I was just asking." he stared at me a few moments longer.
"Do you want to play Arnold?" Danny finally looked away from their racing game. "Louis sucks at this. I need a challenge!"
"Hey!" Louis hissed. "I'm right here ya know!"
"No thanks.." he mimicked my actions and slouched into the couch cushions and put his feet up on the table, our shoulders touching as he reclined. "Eugene woke up screaming from a nightmare again this morning at 4am. I am sleepy.."
As he spoke my hands repeatedly balled up into fists in my lap, constricting each time I could feel him shift against me. His nonchalance over our close contact was irritating and thrilling at the same time. If I were a normal friend this would be no big deal. Guys practically molest each other, and they never think twice about it… but I wasn't a guy. Even the slightest contact with Arnold made me wonder things I never should have. Did he mind touching me? Was this supposed to be a subliminal message? Am I supposed to lean into him too?
"Louis, dude! Are you even trying?" Danny threw his head back against his seat. "My granny could play better than this!"
"You know what dude?" his brow furrowed.
"What dude?"
"If you don't shut up I'm gonna kick your freakin-"
"Calm down!" Arnold sat himself up slightly to look at them. "It's a video game for Pete's sake!"
"He started it.." Louis muttered.
"Just stop." Arnold pointed at Danny who was already prepared with a comeback.
"You really are the house mother football head!" I groaned. "I like watching these two get into it! It's cheaper than Wrestlemania and ten times more entertaining."
"Shut up Pataki!" Danny glared at me.
"How about you ALL shut the fuck up? Damn! I feel like I'm in an episode of Jerry Springer!" Gerald stood in the entryway with an irritated expression.
"Shut up!" we all shouted at him in unison.
"What on earth did I just walk into?" another voice interrupted our moment.
"Liz!" Danny shot up from his chair to meet his girlfriend at the front door. "What are you doing here so early?" his demeanor suddenly turned sugary sweet, the total opposite of how we're all used to seeing him.
"I brought you all lunch." she held up a large bag undoubtedly filled with goodies she made herself.
"Aw! Thanks honey. You're so sweet." he leaned in and kissed her cheek "Isn't she sweet you guys?" he slung his arm around her shoulders and glared at us.
"Oh yeah"
"Totally."
"Mmhmm."
"Ha!.. right." I stuck a finger in my mouth and gagged, which was met with Arnold's elbow jabbing my ribs.
"Anyway, I brought you guys some homemade cashew chicken and noodles and strawberry shortcakes for afterwards! I hope you like it." she walked over to the kitchen and began unloading her bag.
"I'm allergic to strawberries." I pointed out.
"Really? Oh man... I'm so sorry Helga!" she ran her fingers through her hair a few times. "You know what? That's not a problem! I can bake you some cookies instead! No problem at all!"
Dear GOD.. Liz was a good person, I'll give her that much. But she was the definition of everything I never wanted to be. She practically worships Danny and dotes on him and the frat boys. If anything she was much too good to be stuck with someone like Danny. I never ever wanted to have boys view me the way they view her. She was a pretty auburn haired girl that was basically the textbook definition of the kind of girl you'd want to take home to meet your parents. She was a good cook, kind and courteous, and never had run ins with the law. I was her polar opposite. I didn't even know how to boil water, and I never went out of my way to be nice to anyone. As long as girls like Liz existed, boys will always look down on "girls" like me.
After we ate her stupid delicious food Danny encouraged Liz to stick around for a while, adding another layer of awkwardness to our group dynamic. Our evenings usually consisted of videos games and snide and crude remarks about each other, but with a lady present we were all forced to behave ourselves. Arnold and I sat on one end of the couch while Danny sat on the other with Liz in his lap. This time we intentionally scooted as close to each other as possible to avoid bumping into the lovebirds on the other end, who continually exchanged Eskimo kisses and giggled mindlessly every few seconds. Gerald and Louis both got off easy with spots on the floor in beanbag chairs facing away from the PDA on the couch. During a heated game of Mario Kart we began hearing wet smacking noises and to our horror we discovered them in a passionate kiss, tongues probing and all..
"God DAMN! Gerald turned around in his beanbag. "Go to your room and do that shit!"
Without breaking apart Danny held his hand up, displaying the middle finger. Gerald grabbed the TV remote and tossed it with force at his shin. "OUCH!" he broke away from her and picked up the remote, chucking it back at Gerald. "You asshole!"
"If I wanted to watch cheap ass porno I would be in my room surfing the net! Keep it in your pants, Stockton!" Gerald turned back around, insinuating the conversation was over.
Liz glanced up at the clock before swinging her legs off the couch. "I really should get going anyway. I have homework." she reached for his arm and pulled him up with her. "Walk with me?" he nodded silently and took her hand, leading her to the front door.
"Be back later losers" he called over his shoulder.
I waited several moments after the front door closed before letting out a long gush of air. "Well damn.. That was awkward!"
"Eh." Louis shrugged. "That's typical Danny 'lady' behavior for you."
"So…" I began "Are we still on for poker night next Thursday?"
"Actually.." Arnold finally spoke up after a solid twenty minutes of silence from him. "I was wondering if you all wanted to see a flick. The new Evil Twin movie is coming out this week." it wasn't until that very moment that I realized we were still sitting hip to hip on the couch, I grudgingly moved away now that the couch was free.
"I was actually going to cancel poker night for next week." Gerald paused the game and turned around again. "I have to finish my paper, man. My grade can't take a bigger dive right now."
"That's fine Gerald, do what you have to. Grades are more important than a silly movie franchise anyway... What about you Louis?"
"Can't." he groaned. "My parents are coming to town this week and want to have dinner together."
"What about you Helga?" Arnold said after a moment. "What are you doing Thursday?"
Staring into space? Watching dust bunnies float by? Alphabetizing my books?
"Nothing as of yet..." I shrugged.
"Well… do you want to go with me?" he smiled softly when our eyes met. I tried my hardest not to visibly gulp.
"Y-you… and me? Go to the movies? Together?" we had never done anything just the two of us. Usually it was always a big group of us hanging out.
"That's the general idea." he chuckled. "So what'll it be?"
Oh mother of God! Someone pinch me!
"…sure." From the corner of my eye I saw Gerald watching us curiously.
"Awesome!" he grinned. "We can get dinner or something after. It'll be fun." at that point Louis was looking over at us too. I was hoping and praying my face wasn't beet red.
"Yeah… Sounds peachy football head... Now if you'll excuse me for a moment!" I bolted from the couch and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. "Oh my god!" I leaned against the door and let out a shaky breath. Arnold and I were going to be spending a whole evening together… alone… this was everything I had only dreamt of until now. I stood at the mirror in front of the sink and stared at my reflection. "Calm down Helga old girl.. It doesn't mean anything… You two are just friends. JUST friends!"
"Do you realize what you just did?" a soft voice reverberated through the bathroom. I looked around until I noticed where the sound was coming from….the ventilation chap above the toilet. I closed the seat and stood on top of it, pressing my ear against the cool surface.
"What are you talking about?" Arnold muttered.
"You're going to hang out with Helga freakin Pataki… Alone. For a WHOLE night!" That was definitely Gerald's voice.
"So?" he sounded indifferent to the idea
"Well, in the modern world Arnold some people would call that… a DATE" Louis supplied with a mischievous chuckle. My knees buckled suddenly and I nearly fell off the toilet.
"You guys are ridiculous. Helga and I are just going to see a movie. Not renting a motel room for the night."
"If it looks like a date, sounds like a date… my man it IS a-"
"Stop!" Arnold hissed. "Look, she'll be coming back in here any second. You two obviously aren't thinking straight. We're just two friends going to see a movie together. Out of all people I never would have figured you two would call ANYTHING with Helga Pataki a date. You know I wouldn't date her… and she'd never want to date me!"
I had to cover my mouth so I didn't audibly gasp. Even though I knew it wasn't really supposed to be a date it still sort of bugged me that he would say something like that. It only accentuated the fact that I was just another one of the guys to him.. And I should be happy just to be allowed in his inner circle at all. When I jumped off the toilet I flushed it so they could know I was going to be coming back. All three of them were in the same exact positions they were in when I had left. None of them said anything or reacted when I walked back into the room… it was eerie.
"Guys, I'm going to get going.." I walked past the couch and grabbed my coat. "I still have some reading to catch up on, and I also promised Phoebe I'd call her later on."
"Oh.." Arnold stood up and walked over to me. "Did you want me to walk with you?" he stuffed his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels.
"No." I replied flatly. "It's broad daylight.. I'll be fine. Thanks but no thanks football head."
"Okay.." he nodded slowly. "So.. Uh.. About Thursday.. How does 7 sound?"
He still wanted to go?
"Yeah.. That's fine." I reached for the door handle. "See you around I guess."
"Bye Helga."
I rushed out the front door and mentally cursed at myself. How on earth did I always manage to get myself into these stupid situations? When was I ever going to learn?
*Thursday*
"It's not a date… it's not a date… It's NOT a date!" I continually repeated the statement over and over as I paced the floor of my dorm room. I didn't get any sleep the night before and I was pretty sure I was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. I felt like a complete moron for even contemplating my feelings behind this evening. I knew Arnold's intentions were completely platonic and pure, yet my inner nine year old couldn't help but rear its ugly head and start searching for some sort of hidden agenda. We were two good friends who were going to see a movie together… the fact that we have opposite body parts played no part in it.
"Okay Helga old girl.." I continued pacing. "Just be yourself… you're one of the boys. There's no problem!" I stopped in front of my memory board and traced my fingers along the photo of us. "…..Other than the fact I sorta love him- NO NO NO! Stop!" my palm collided with my temple. "I'm better than this silly childhood obsession… his friendship is worth more than a passing attraction." I plucked the picture of us off the board and tossed it in a drawer. "This has to stop."
At first we had planned to meet up at the theater before the movie started. But this morning during Spanish class Arnold passed me a note (very junior high of him) that said he would meet up with me at my dorm so we could walk together…. Which leads me to my current mini meltdown. The nicer Arnold is to me the harder it becomes for me to suppress these stupid feelings that always seem to pop up at random times. For years I've been able to control it and keep it to myself, but lately it's been next to impossible to not spazz out when I'm near him. I blame him for having the nerve to place his lips on my face! He triggered this… not me! His boyish good looks and kindness are my kryptonite. As long as I live I don't think I'll ever be able to look at him and not imagine us doing ungodly things in the backseat of a car. But sadly I knew the score with us; we're just good friends. We hung out in the same social circle… and I'm okay with that… most days.
I stood in front of my closet for over 20 minutes examining all my torn and tattered clothing. I made it a point to never own anything new looking. My clothing usually consisted of band t-shirts and ripped jeans. I held up the one skirt I owned and considered wearing it for our.…outing, but immediately dismissed the idea. Dressing nicely implied that this was something special… which it definitely wasn't. After a few moments of contemplation I settled for a pair of jeans with a hole in the knee and my black Ramones shirt. I kind of regretted that I couldn't put forth any effort into my appearance tonight.. He may see me as one of the boys, but it would have been a nice change of pace to get to look different for once… but that was the price I paid to stay close to him.
My cell phone vibrated from across the room and I practically broke my neck to get over to it. I collapsed on to my bed and grabbed the phone from the nightstand. The words: 'new message: Arnold' flashed on the screen. I opened the message and held my breath 'be there in 15' it said with a little smiley face at the end.
"Oh dear God.." I threw the phone at the foot of my bed. "I'm going to die! Plain and simple.. I… am going to die. Why must I do this to myself?" I got up off my bed and stood in front of the small mirror by my door. My hair was still in the same messy ponytail I had thrown it in that morning. I looked like I had literally just rolled out of bed. I found my brush and let my hair loose from the elastic. "One alteration wouldn't hurt anything… right?" I ran a brush through my hair a few times until it wasn't sticking up everywhere. It hung loosely over my shoulders and halfway down my back, the layers in front framing my face. Even I couldn't hardly recognize myself like this. The only times I wore it down is usually after a shower. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea.." I muttered, looking for a black elastic to retie my hair with.
A soft knocking on my door broke my thoughts. "Oh my God.." I gasped into my palm as the soft knocks continued. I took one last look at myself in the mirror and decided to keep my hair the way it was before slowly opening the door. He was leaning against the wall and absentmindedly staring down the hallway with his fist raised, prepared to tap the door again. He had yet to notice the door was open. Just as his fist started moving again I cleared my throat. "Hey.."
"Helga!" he jumped back slightly. "…Hey.." his eyes gave me a subtle once over before meeting my gaze. "You ready to go?"
I continued to stand lamely in the doorway for several seconds with my mouth feeling extremely dry and my palms sweating profusely… He was wearing a navy blue button up shirt and what looked to be a new pair of jeans. Not that I was looking or anything… the point is; he was dressed nicely. I suddenly felt like a dirty bum.
"Helga?… Are you alright?" he waved his hand in my face.
I vigorously shook my head from side to side banishing all weird thoughts from my mind. "I'm fine football head… Let's blow this popsicle stand."
The silence between us as we walked to the movie theater was making us both tense. Usually when we hung out with the guys we had no problem coming up with small talk. Without them here as our buffer we had no boundaries. It was terrifying. Every few moments I would glance at him from the corner of my eye to find him staring back. I wanted to yell at him for looking but stopped myself when I realized he could argue I was doing the same thing… damn awkwardness. Damn everything.
"So…" Arnold began "how was your math exam today?"
I couldn't help but give him an awkward stare. Out of all the things he could have asked me, that's what he chose to talk about? "How did you know I had an exam?" I blurted before I could stop myself.
"I helped you study… remember?" images of us and Gerald in the library flashed in my mind. Was I that spaced out that I didn't even remember studying?
"Oh.."
"Helga, are you sure everything is alright? You seem a little… spaced out." he subconsciously took a step closer as we walked. "What's up?"
"Nothing is wrong football head." I suppressed the urge to lean into him… just mere inches away from me. "It's been a long day is all."
"I know how you feel." he chuckled. "Eugene got his hand stuck in the toaster this morning in the common room. He came running into our dorm screaming at the top of his lungs that his hand was being barbequed. And me being the good roommate I am, dialed 911. They knew who I was when I called…" he shook his head in a amusement, his hair flopping over with the movement. "It's a sad day when the dispatchers for 911 know you by name."
It took every ounce of strength to not burst into a fit of laughter. I loved hearing his twisted stories about Eugene's bodily harm. It made my dorm life seem like a cakewalk. "Do I even want to know how he got his hand in the toaster?"
"He was cleaning the crumbs.."
"What idiot sticks their hand into a plugged toaster?" I snickered.
"My roommate." he covered his face with his hand. "Can we trade?" he said after a moment, playfully nudging my shoulder.
"The day I willingly trade my awesome room for one with Eugene is the day I become Mother Teresa." I nudged him back.
When we got to the theater we headed over to the window to get our tickets, Arnold got to the window before me and asked for two tickets to the new Evil Twin flick. When I reached for my wallet he insisted that it was his treat and motioned for me to put my wallet away. Friends do this stuff all the time, right? The same incident happened when I tried to pay for my half of the popcorn. He insisted that he was treating because he was the one who invited me. Who was I to argue with that logic?
An hour and a half and 20 dead bodies later, the movie was over. Despite the violence and gore being played out on screen I had trouble concentrating during the movie. Several times I would reach over for some popcorn and find Arnold's hand already in the bucket. We would both mutter an apology and he would awkwardly lean the bucket in my direction. And despite the cliché, our arms never fought over the armrest. I was almost grateful to be out of the darkness of the theater when we left. Too many thoughts were stewing in my mind when we sat there side by side… too many X-rated old Helga thoughts that I was trying to hard to suppress.
"Are you hungry?" Arnold pressed the button at the crosswalk and turned to face me.
"Sure. I could go for some food."
"There's a really good pizza joint down the street I think you'd like. Me and Gerald always get their pizza when we study at the frat house."
Like they ever study at the frat house…
"Sounds great." I jokingly pat my stomach. "Let's go."
The place was called 'Papa Gino's'. I had seen some students carrying pizza boxes with their logo in my dorm before but I had never actually been here until now. Inside the restaurant people were eating peanuts and tossing the shells on the dirt floor. Any guy taking a girl on a date would definitely not choose a place like this for dinner. There was dust in the air and rowdy college boys everywhere. It doesn't exactly scream romantic… but luckily this wasn't a date..
"Come on! I got us a table in the back." his hand suddenly grabbed my wrist and began tugging me through the crowd. "Isn't this place cool?" he sat on the opposite side of the table and grinned at me.
"Let me take a wild guess here… The frat boys introduced you to this place?" I grabbed the beer list from the holder in the middle of the table.
"Yeah." he chuckled. "But I think it's actually really interesting in here. It's an experience in itself!"
"You're easily amused." I teased. "So what kind of pizza should we get?"
He took the menu and looked it over. "You like pepperoni and olives right?"
When I didn't respond right away he gave me an odd look. "How'd you know that?" my voice showed way too much intrigue for my liking.
He peeked over the top of the menu, eyebrow quirked "I pay attention."
"To the kind of pizza I like?" I was desperately trying to hide the smile tugging at my lips.
"Helga.." he set the menu down. "We hang out all the time. We've eaten pizza together countless times… do you think I wouldn't notice you always order pepperoni and olives?"
Damn..
"Touché." I nodded. "So mister all knowing.. What kind of beer do I want?"
"Anything but Heineken." he said without any hesitation whatsoever. "Ever since Louis barfed Heineken in your lap you haven't touched the stuff…" my jaw practically became unhinged. How on earth did he even remember that incident? He finally looked up from the menu and saw my complete and utter fascination with his answer. "What?" he shifted awkwardly in his chair. "I'm observant. You see and hear a lot of things when you're on the sidelines.."
"I think it's funny." I said after a moment. "You spend so much time observing such trivial things like what kind of pizza toppings people like.. Or what kind of beer they don't like. But you really don't know me."
"…I know you." he muttered so low I almost missed it.
"No you don't!" I snorted loudly. "You know bits and pieces of information.. But you don't have all the puzzle pieces bucko."
Before he could answer our waiter came to the table and took our order; a large pepperoni and olive pizza and a pitcher of some foreign beer I had never heard of. When the waiter left things fell silent between us again. I could tell he was contemplating what I had said. He was the kind of person that had to understand you. It drove him nuts.
"Let's go play darts until our food is ready." I stood up and motioned to the dart board in the arcade.
Without a word he stood up and followed me into the arcade. I could tell he was thinking of a way to ask me his prying 'get to know you' questions the whole time we were playing. He had a concerned look on his face and couldn't really concentrate on the game, which is why I was currently whooping his ass. As he was pulling the darts from the board he suddenly got a huge grin on his face. "How about we make this interesting?" he raised his eyebrow mischievously.
"Oh? How so?"
"Let's have a little competition." he handed me the darts. "Person who gets closest to the bullseye gets to ask the loser any question they want."
With the way he had been playing so far, I knew I was pretty safe from his questions. "Okay.." I leaned closer to him "I hope you're ready to spill your guts football head."
"Go for it." he motioned to the board.
I made a show of taking aim before finally tossing the dart, landing a few inches away from the center. "I'll try and think of an easy question to start you off with." I hovered over him as he prepared to throw his dart. "Don't miss don't miss!"
And with perfect ease he threw the dart directly into the bulls eye. He turned to face me, a triumphant grin etched on his face. "Now about that question.."
I could tell he was taking great pleasure in my shock. "You… You tricked me?" I stared at him incredulously.
"Trick is such a mean word.." he snickered. "I'd like to call it tactful negotiating with a false front."
"Yeah, enough with the semantics football head. You tricked me ya little sneak!"
"I didn't cheat or anything! It's not my fault Gerald and I play darts in the frat basement all the time." he held his hands up defensively. "So I technically can ask you anything I want to.. It was our deal."
"Fine… one question. But if you cross a line I'll murder your ass." I held my fist close to his face.
The smile on his face slowly faded into a more serious expression. His hand reached up, removing my fist from his vision. "Why are you so intent on keeping everyone out with these walls you build?"
Good GOD.. How long had he been thinking about this?
"I… I uh.." I focused my gaze on anywhere but him. "I think our food is ready." I finished lamely, pointing at our table.
Just when things seemed to be somewhat normal between us, one of us always had to screw it up. At least this time it was Arnold who had created the awkwardness with his ridiculously personal question. I was thankful our dinner had arrived because it gave me an excuse to avoid the question. Because honestly I didn't have a valid answer to give him… not one that he wanted to hear anyway. If I told the truth he would probably run in the opposite direction. I can picture that conversation now: 'hey Arnold, I'm still sorta in love with you after all these years. I try and hide it with every fiber of my being… its not weird now is it?' and then he would say: 'Not at all Helga! You're in love with me.. It's all good. Now lets go get drunk and play poker like we always do!'
Yeah… that'll happen.
"Helga? Helga Pataki?" a hand cupped my shoulder. "Wow! Small world!"
Arnold looked at the person standing over my shoulder with an odd expression that basically said 'what the hell?'. I turned around until I could see the other person "Jason?" I gasped, sputtering on whatever air was in my lungs. "Holy shit.." I wheezed.
"What's going on?" he smiled down at me cheerfully. "I haven't heard from you in forever. I thought you fell off the face of the earth or something!"
I subconsciously glanced over at Arnold who was still thoroughly confused with this mystery person. "No.. I'm still around." I chuckled nervously. "I've been busy, that's all."
"Who's this?" Arnold set down his slice of pizza, giving me a hard stare.
"Arnold, this is Jason… my friend. Jason, this is Arnold." Arnold stood up and shook his hand.
"Nice to meet you." Jason flashed a pearly white smile.
"Same." he sat back down and pretended to be extremely interested in his slice of pizza.
"You know Helga.." his hand cupped my shoulder again, giving it a squeeze. "You should give me a call sometime! I miss hanging out."
"We'll see…" I felt the heat rising in my face.
"I guess I'll see you around?"
"Mmhmm.." I took a long sip of my beer. "Bye Jason."
"See you Helga." he leaned down and kissed my cheek, causing Arnold to choke mid-swig.
"Breathe Arnoldo!" I reached across the table and patted his hand.
"Who was that?" he coughed a few more times.
"The dart game is over football head.. No more questions." I picked up my slice of pizza and took a large bite.
"Did you two… date?"
"Not even!" I cackled. "Jason isn't the dating type.."
"Wait… why did he?-"
"Look." I leaned against the table and gave him a hard stare "There are some things you just… can't handle about me football head. This is one of them."
"Just tell me." he mimicked my actions, leaning on the table. "No judgments, I promise."
"Jason is just a friend." I took another bite of my pizza.
"Come on.." his eyes narrowed. "I'm not that blind."
"We really are friends Arnold… Just not the kind of friends you're used to having." his brow furrowed as he shrugged indifferently, urging me to continue. "Me and Jason were… special friends." I drew out the word 'special'.
"Oh… OH!" his eyes widened. "Oh…"
"Is that all you have to say?" I laughed.
"So you two… do… that?" he ducked his head down, trying to keep this conversation away from neighboring tables.
"Did" I corrected. "You seem extremely surprised." I traced my finger around the outer rim of my cup.
"How did it happen exactly?" he set his chin on the fist he was making. Surprisingly he didn't look disgusted at this new development.
"Sophomore year. We met at the coffee shop on campus. He invited me to a house party that weekend. Since he was the only person at the party I knew, I hung around him for the most part. After several glasses of liquid courage, we were discussing how college is the time in your life where you're supposed to experience new things.. And that's how friends with benefits came up." Arnold was still listening to me intently, waiting for the conclusion of the story. "So anyway… I lamented that I hadn't 'done it' yet… and Jason offered to alleviate the problem for me-"
"You lost your virginity to him?" his eyes widened even more.
"Would you let me finish the story?" I hissed. "Yes… I lost it to him. After that we made a deal that we'd be there for each other whenever the need came up. Basically it went on like that for about 6 months… but when he got a girlfriend last semester we ended it. We haven't spoken much since then."
"Is he still with the girl?"
"Nope. They broke up after a month or so.." I shrugged.
"Wow." he leaned back in his seat and continued to watch me. "I never imagined you'd have a friend with benefits.." when my eyes narrowed he held his hand up "I'm not judging!" he corrected. "It's your life, and if you want to have those kinds of… relations… then it's your choice. I hang around with a bunch of sex crazed frat brothers, I have no right to judge."
"…what about you?" I looked up at him from underneath my eyelashes.
"What about me?" he laughed.
"Who was your first?"
"You don't want to hear about me." he waved his index finger back and forth.
"Is this the incident Gerald and the guys were talking about?" I perked up slightly.
"NO!" his face turned ghostly white. "I don't speak of… that… ever!"
"Then tell me about your first time! Throw me a bone here football head! I shared with you didn't I?"
He fiddled with a napkin for a few moments before finally looking at me. "It's not an interesting story…" he concluded.
"Spill." I commanded.
"It was Trixie.." his hand ran through his hair. "Which isn't too shocking since she was my girlfriend."
"And how did this miracle occur?" I couldn't help but throw in an insult for old times sake.
"The same way it happens for most people." he glared at me. "It's not an interesting story like yours."
"Let me guess… was it the most beautiful 2 minutes of your life?"
"Funny." he deadpanned. "It was actually… not what I expected. People always say that sex is supposed to be something special… With Trixie it wasn't what I imagined."
"It was that bad?"
"No… not bad. It just wasn't what I was expecting. If anything it made us grow apart afterwards."
Where were the two shy and awkward people that came into this pizza place just mere hours ago? Somewhere along the course of the evening we became comfortable enough to discuss something as private as our sex lives without any inhibitions. Arnold now knew one of my biggest secrets, and he didn't seem phased by it or disgusted. It also made me realize that maybe I didn't give Arnold enough credit. He took my past and handled it like a true gentleman… maybe I could tell him things if I only gave him the chance.
After we finished dinner Arnold offered to walk me back to my dorm since it was getting pretty late. Unlike when the evening first started, we chatted the whole way back to my dorm. I still couldn't believe that this was really us. The same people who used to get in trouble in elementary school for fighting in the middle of class. The same people who used to be sworn enemies.
"Well.. This is me." we stopped at the bottom of the stairs in front of Brennan Hall. This situation was becoming all too familiar.
"Thanks for coming tonight Helga. I had a nice time."
"Anytime football head."
Before I could leave he grabbed my arm "There's something I forgot."
"Yes?" I felt my eyes widen.
"… you never answered my question after I beat you at darts." his smug grin returned.
"Oh." I instantly felt ridiculous for thinking he meant something else.
"Why do you put walls up?" he asked once again.
I could either give an indirect answer, or completely ignore it. This was one thing I didn't feel comfortable discussing with him. "Sometimes we need walls, Arnold. Sometimes it's safer that way.."
"You don't have to hide all the time Helga." he reached out and squeezed my shoulder. "Remember that.."
"I'll try." my eyes rolled.
"So did you want me to walk you up to your room? The freaks tend to come out at night you know." he chuckled.
"Whatever floats your boat." I shrugged.
When we got to my floor we stood awkwardly at my door, realizing we had finally run out of things to say. Were we supposed to shake hands and part ways? Fist bump? High five?
"It's been a real slice football head." I decided to break the ice with my usual attitude. "The guys really missed out."
"They did!" his gaze traveled downward. "They were even making jokes about this." he fidgeted with the sleeve of his shirt.
"Jokes?" I decided to play dumb.
"Yeah.." he cringed "they were calling this a… a… date" he said the last part quietly.
"A DATE?" I let out an obnoxious howl. "You and me? On a date?"
"That's exactly what I told them!" his infectious smile returned.
"I'll always be your personal bully." I took a step towards him and playfully poked the muscles in his chest. "No matter how old we get… we'll never change."
"Yeah." his eyes met mine "things will always be the same."
I flexed my fingers over his right pec and laughed softly. "Yep.." I knew I should take my hand off of him, but at that moment my hand had a mind of its own... And it did not want to move.
"Helga?" he said just above a whisper.
"Yes?" I said just as softly before leaning in a little further until our noses were almost touching and our breath mingling.
His eyes opened suddenly and he quickly leaned back out. "I should… go." he removed my hand from his chest.
"Wha?-" I wobbled slightly from the loss of contact. "What happened?"
"Nothing!" he looked completely panicked "Nothing at all!"
"Huh?" I cupped the side of my head in confusion.
"Good night Helga.. Thanks again." he grabbed my hand and patted it before taking off down the hall like a bat out of hell.
I leaned against my door and let out a frustrated groan. What the HELL just happened between us? Did the thought of kissing me creep him out that much?… or maybe it was the thought of kissing 'one of the boys'?
"Way to go Pataki… way… to… go."