His final words last night: 'I see you' played over and over in my head for hours before I could finally fall asleep. Was he awake when he said it? Was he sleep-talking? UGH. I didn't know what to think. And what exactly did he mean by 'I see you'? He sees me as more than a tomboy? He sees that I'm deathly afraid of showing him how I really feel? Damn it all… for as long as I can remember he's possessed this power to send me into an emotional tailspin at the drop of a pin. Those three words were always going to be echoing in my mind every time I saw him. It wasn't until around 4:30 I was finally able to fall into a restless sleep. But even during sleep my mind was plagued by his words, repeating over and over to the point of irritation. I wasn't sure what time it was, but I felt the sunshine pouring through my window and cutting through the early morning December chill. As much as I didn't want to, I knew I had to wake up and face whatever was about to transpire from the previous night. I groggily lifted an eyelid open and scanned my surroundings, I hadn't moved from my spot on the bed and I was still in the fetal position. I un-balled myself and craned my neck to look at Arnold who was still stretched out, eyes closed and resting peacefully. The alarm clock on my nightstand read 8:02 am… It wouldn't be very long until the other people in my dorm would be waking up and heading out for the day… and also putting Arnold at risk for getting caught leaving my dorm room.
"Football head?" I sat up on my elbows. "Hey." I said a little louder but still got no reaction. Out of instinct I kicked my leg out, connecting my foot to his hip. That caused him to jolt out of his peaceful sleep.
His upper body shot up into an upright position, eyes still closed and arms flailing "Don't move! I'll call 911!" his eyes finally opened when I remained silent. "Oh thank God!" he let out a relieved sigh at the sight of me, dropping back on to the mattress.
"Good morning to you too." I snickered.
"Sure, laugh all you want." he yawned "Eugene wakes me up every morning with some sort of crisis… or Broadway musical soundtrack. I've come to expect it." he sat back up, stretching his back and simultaneously checking the alarm clock. "How long have you been up?"
"A few minutes. I figured I better wake you before you completely drown my pillows with your drool." I playfully jousted him with my foot again. "You were really sawing logs football head!"
"Hey! I do not drool!" despite his declaration his eyes traveled to the pillows.
"I'm just kidding dude!" I rolled off the bed and picked up my math book. "I guess I'll have to finish the last chapter some other time." I turned my back towards him and flipped through the pages of the book, pretending I was actually paying attention to its contents. I honestly didn't know what to say.
"Hey.." he suddenly appeared directly behind me "Sorry I fell asleep like that last night. I promised I'd help you study.."
I glanced over my shoulder at him and managed to give a weak smile "It's fine. I think I can handle one chapter on my own."
"Are you sure you need any help?"
"No!" I said a little too quickly, startling us both. "I mean.. no, I'll be fine. But thanks… I guess." a few awkward seconds passed before I cleared my throat and turned to face him again. "You should probably get going. I'm sure tall hair boy is probably looking for you."
"I somehow doubt that." he chuckled "You know Gerald doesn't like rising any time before 1 on the weekends!"
"Don't you need to check on Eugene? You never know when that walking disaster flick will start a fire." why did I get the feeling he didn't want to leave so quickly?
His eyes widened suddenly "On that note, I should get going." he began gathering up all his books that had scattered along the disaster area also known as my floor. I opened the door and glanced down the hall… So far so good. Nobody was out there yet. "Well, I think that's everything." He joined me in the doorway with his books stacked under his arm. "Look, I know this may have been a little… unorthodox and all… but thanks for letting me crash here last night. I enjoyed the night off from Eugene. There's only so much chaos one person can take on a daily basis." he nudged me playfully.
"No problem football head. And uh… I guess thanks for loaning your brainpower for the evening..." at that point I was ready to shove him out the door. Did he actually enjoy this awkward banter?
"No problem at all Helga. Whenever you need help all you have to do is ask-"
"Alright alright football head! Enough with this mushy gushy bullshit! You're putting me in a sugar coma! Now get your oddly shaped head out of here!" I shoved him harshly out the door and slammed it in his face without giving him a chance to object. When I heard his footsteps walking away I let out a loud groan. "Why Helga? Why did you have to turn to anger and violence? WHY? Why couldn't I have been nice and accepted his kind offer? But nooooooo! I have to yell at the poor boy after we spent the whole night together actually getting along! UGH!" I kicked the edge of my bed frame, promptly falling to the ground and howling in pain. Why did I let this whole situation get to me? What happened last night was completely innocent, there was nothing unsavory to speak of! So why was it freaking me out so much?
'I see you'
"Dammit!" I hissed. "I need to talk to Phoebe!" I dug through the junk that was scattered on the floor until I found my phone. I pressed her number on the speed dial and waited impatiently for her to answer.
"Hello?" a groggy voice spoke lowly on the other end.
"Phoebs!" pressing my back against the door for support I let out a long sigh "I SLEPT WITH ARNOLD LAST NIGHT!" I blurted out before I could stop myself.
The next thing I heard was a loud thump followed by a muffled 'GOOD GOD' and some kind of a struggle. "Hello? Helga?" her voice sounded panicked.
"I'm still here Phoebs."
"Did you just say what I THINK you did?"
"Yeah… you heard right."
"You two had SEX last night? How? Why? What happened?" her voice kept picking up speed with each word coming from her mouth.
"Whoa whoa WHOA Phoebe! Shift back into neutral here for a second! Let me reiterate, Arnold and I literally slept together… no hanky panky."
"He slept in your bed?" she clarified "With you?"
"Yes… he came over last night to help me study for my math final. At some point he fell asleep and I just… didn't wake him up. So I went to sleep too. I'm just a little wigged out now. Is my psychotic meltdown justifiable Phoebs? Or am I just a loon?"
"So NOTHING happened? No inappropriate contact of any kind?" I heard her shifting in her bed. "You didn't… try anything?" she said a little softer.
"NO! It was strictly platonic! What do you take me for Phoebs? I'm not a creep, crimeny!"
"I'm sorry Helga! I didn't mean it like THAT… I just wanted to make sure you hadn't.. uh… 'made your move' I guess. And as for your question, you're not a LOON. I think the fact you two shared the same bed has you thinking you've somehow blown whatever friendship you've created. I think as long as Arnold was okay with it there should be nothing to fear. If he didn't view it as sexual or inappropriate everything will be alright."
"I really wish you were here Phoebs." I sighed. "You're one of the few people who I count on to bring me down from my psychotic freak outs."
"I was going to be calling you later today about that actually. I'm coming home for winter break to see my parents!"
"REALLY? This is awesome Phoebs! I haven't seen you since my birthday! You know you have to stay with me a few nights right?"
"Certainly Helga! I'm looking forward to it." an awkward silence suddenly overtook us "So…" she paused.
"So.."
"Did….. anything else….. happen while he was there?"
It was almost like Phoebe knew when I had something else to say. I blame her perceptiveness. "Well now that you mention it… I wanted your opinion on something he said."
"What happened?" I could tell she was preparing herself for one of my long winded speeches.
"We ended up having this really weird conversation about me and Jason-"
"He KNOWS about JASON?" she abruptly interrupted, horror etched in her voice.
"Yes Phoebs.. I told him. But he's fine with it! He offered no criticism whatsoever." I waited for some sort of response but instead was left with silence on her end, I took that as my signal to continue my story "Anyway.. We were talking about friends with benefits and sex… he started talking about Trixie and how they weren't really friends at all, and that all they had between them was sex. And then I ended up saying sex was simply an action, that there didn't have to be love involved. Then the bastard got me to admit that I had more than friendly feelings for Jason. I felt like such an idiot for admitting it out loud. Can you believe he managed to wrangle that out of me?" I paused for less than a second, never giving her time to respond. "But in return I got him to talk about one of his darkest moments. It was so weird to know he trusted me enough to tell me. For the first time since I've known him I felt important to him!" I held the phone a little tighter next to my ear, still pondering his last words from that night. "The real kicker in this story is after he fell asleep…. Well, I think he was asleep. I'm not really sure. But the point is… I started rambling to him about how boys don't want me and how they can't see me as anything more than one of the boys… I thought by then he was fast asleep. But a few seconds later he said 'I see you' really drowsily! What did he MEAN by that Phoebs?"
Phoebe expelled a long breath before inhaling even deeper. "I…. I-I honestly am a little speechless here Helga."
"That isn't helping me Phoebs! I'm going nuts here! He gave no inkling this morning that he remembered telling me anything." I frantically began pacing around my room.
"You're not going to like my solution, Helga... But you need to just ask him. You may think it risks things between you two, but I think you need to start giving Arnold more credit. He cares about you and respects you, it's obvious because he was willing to bare himself to you in ways he doesn't with just anyone. And you obviously extend that respect to him as well, seeing as you never even told ME you had feelings for Jason. You two aren't 9 anymore and it's time for you to face things head on with respect and dignity."
"A tiger can't change it's stripes Phoebe! I slammed the door in his face this morning!" I groaned. "I can't do this Phoebe! Being open and honest with Arnold will only end with me losing everything! Putting up a front is the safest thing to do."
"Is that why you call me for advice? Because you want to continue with this 'front' you speak of? Helga I've known you since we were three years old. You don't need me or ANYONE telling you what you should be doing. Because deep inside you know what's right. You just need to stop over thinking every thought and emotion so much."
Phoebe was right. Phoebe was always right about these things. She knew me like the back of her hand. She saw through my tough girl façade better than anyone on this planet… but it didn't mean she could change me. For years she has tried getting through to me with her words of wisdom. I hear every word she says and I love her to death for trying… but risking losing Arnold was one risk I refused to take, and she knew it.
"Are you alright Helga?" she squeaked. I knew that Phoebe knew the answer already
"I'll be fine Phoebs… but thanks for listening to me rant about trivial things in the wee hours of the morning. I owe you one."
"Don't mention it." she chuckled. "Call me anytime."
"Talk to you later Phoebe." I snapped my phone shut and tossed it on my bed. For some reason I was failing to feel any better after talking with Phoebe. I felt sick to my stomach and extremely on edge. What was I so on edge about anyway? I had no justifiable reason to be freaked out besides being completely mental. Arnold didn't seem to give last night a second thought, so why should I? "Damn it all!" I huffed, plopping face down on to my bed. The moment my face made contact with the pillows Arnold's scent filled my nose. "Oh sweet merciful mother of all creation." I grabbed the pillow and held it to my nose, inhaling deeply. After a few seconds of gratuitous swooning I pulled the pillow away from my face and tossed it away from me entirely. "I… am so… fucked."
**Two Weeks Later**
I've never really been the center of attention. I prided myself on that. In some twisted way I enjoyed slipping into the background and studying everyone else from afar. Nobody ever knew my business, but I always knew theirs. It was the way I liked things. But as luck would have it, lately it seemed everyone around me was in on something that I wasn't yet aware of. Someone was always whispering and staring… I detested not knowing, especially if it had something to do with me! I grew up being a social leper, I didn't want to fall out of the loop ever again. The question was; who did I have to pimp slap to get the information?
As if on cue, the world's most unholy sound met my ears, "Helga G. Pataki! Just the person I was looking for!" Rhonda slid in across from me in my secluded booth in the back of the campus diner.
"Rhonda Wellington Lloyd, just the person I was avoiding!" I tossed my spoon back into my oatmeal and began sliding out of the booth.
"Oh no you don't!" she grabbed my wrist.
"Listen princess, it's way too early in the morning for me to spar with you to my fullest capabilities. Now if you don't mind, the coffee machine in my dorms common room is calling my name." I shook my arm to break her grasp but she wouldn't budge. "Do not test me when there are knives present."
"For someone who scored the ultimate prize you're pretty crabby." she released my wrist and leaned back into the booth.
"Ultimate prize?" my eyes narrowed. "What the fuck are you smoking?"
"Oh puh-leez!" she scoffed. "I'm surprised you aren't shouting from the rooftops and prancing through fields of daisies."
"If you don't tell me what the hell you're talking about I will strangle you with my bare hands!" I leaned across the table, menacingly getting in her face.
Unlike most people, Rhonda didn't fear me. She didn't even bat an eyelash with my threat. If anything she looked amused by my irritation. "I have to admit, I figured you had no idea what you were doing. I even pitied you! But wow Helga… just… WOW. I take my metaphorical hat off to you." I continued to stare at her in extreme irritation, waiting for her to come to her conclusion. "I never believed in a million years Arnold would ever hop in the sack with a lifelong tomboy with a bad attitude!" my jaw fell open "You are giving hope for millions of freaks and losers out there! I-"
"Hold the freakin' phone!" I choked on whatever air was in my lungs. "Where on earth did this information come from?" I was a dead woman. No doubt about it… my world was over. O.V.E.R. Was this why people were looking at me funny? Good lord!
"It wasn't that hard to figure out." she smirked. "A little birdie told me they saw Arnold sneaking out of your dorm room one morning a few weeks ago."
"And that means we were screwing around?" I rolled my eyes in an attempt to seem nonchalant over the whole thing. Inside I wanted to crawl in a hole and die…
"Your little declaration inside your dorm that morning isn't doing you any favors Pataki. Half the people on your floor heard!"
Note to self: whisper everything from now on.
"What do you know princess? You weren't there! Don't you think the situation has obviously been misconstrued?" I began sliding out of the booth again, I refused to feed into Rhonda's mind games.
"Well… Arnold didn't say they were wrong." she crossed her arms in front of her when I flinched as if someone stabbed me, she was satisfied that she finally hit the right nerve.
"Y-… You talked to Arnold?" I sunk back into my previous position.
"I went to him for confirmation because obviously I didn't buy the story at first." she examined her manicured nails before giving me a once over. "And now I'm here to congratulate you on a job well done."
She had to have been screwing with me. It had to be a test of some sort… most likely a rouse to get me to admit to something she wanted to hear. There was no way Arnold would go along with something like that at my expense… she had to be full of it. "And what did he say exactly?"
"I told him I knew his little secret. He gave me this weird look and asked if I had talked to you. I told him no, that I had gone to him first… and then I asked him if you were as controlling in bed as you are when you're not naked."
"Son of a-!" I hissed.
"ANYWAY." she was taking great pleasure in holding all the cards in this situation "I told him what I told you… and then he started giving me this whole speech about how what you two do or don't do together is your business. And quite frankly darling, anyone who's anybody has heard about it by now. Who wouldn't be interested in hearing how the semi-quasi lesbian of Hillwood U actually bagged a hottie like Arnold?"
"… Does the frat know?" it took every ounce of my strength to not burst into tears in front of a scorpion like Rhonda. She would get nothing but joy out of my pain.
She flicked her wrist dismissively at me "Those wieners are too busy doing keg stands and humping each other like dogs to keep up in the social game."
"How about you do me a favor Princess?" I finally slid out of the booth and leaned against the table, blocking her only exit. "Stay out of my personal life! What does it MATTER who I do or don't sleep with?" my voice was getting exponentially louder, causing some people to start staring at us "I can bone every guy from here to kingdom come! IT'S MY BUSINESS!" I slammed my fist against the table. "If Arnold just so happens to be on that list, WHO CARES? It's my vagina, my business! CRIMENY!" an abrupt silence fell across the diner at the conclusion of my rant. I let Rhonda win again… I got upset.
"How about you do yourself a favor?" she nudged me out of the way and slid out of the booth and stood up, bringing us face to face. "Take a Midol. Public breakdowns are so not kosher. Not to mention terrible for your complexion." she flicked a strand of her long raven locks over her shoulder before grabbing her stuff and walking towards the exit.
"You are such a mother fu-!" I turned in the direction she was leaving and standing by the cash register I made eye contact with one of the last people I wanted to see.
"Danny." I said just above a whisper. His eyes were wide in shock, mouth agape. As long as I've known the frat brothers they've never seen me in any real emotional distress. I kept those feelings very hidden for obvious reasons. Only drama queens act like I just did… and he was here to witness it. Without a word Danny slowly backed away towards the door, exiting in a hurry and leaving me in a crowded diner full of spectators witnessing the chaos Rhonda just created. I scanned the room before tossing my hands in their air "Show's over bitches! You may now continue stuffing your faces." I grabbed my bag off the table and stormed out of the diner, practically leaving with my tail between my legs. I wanted to kill Arnold for not correcting Rhonda in the first place... And I wanted to punch myself for not correcting her either. What the hell was wrong with me? What was so hard about saying 'you're way off base! We never slept together. EVER!'… why did I have to beat around the bush? Now I would inevitably be paying for it, especially since Danny witnessed my semi-breakdown in a public setting. And now he was probably wondering if I really did sleep with Arnold. And he was probably barely realizing I possessed a vagina after years of me seeing him peeing into potted plants when he was wasted.
The shrill ring of my cell phone erupted from my bag as I blindly dug around for it. On the screen it said 'One new message: Douche bag' or also known as Danny… I let out an audible gulp before opening the message. 'your dirty lil secret's safe w/me Pataki. Who knew u had it in ya?' followed by a smiley face…
I mentally reread the message several times before shakily pounding out 'stfu Douche bag!' If Arnold wasn't going to rectify the situation, then neither was I.
Two can play that game.
It was way too early in the morning for me to be operating heavy machinery. But I was given the duty of picking Phoebe up at the train station that morning….. 7am to be exact. For the first time in several weeks I was forced to take my junky Honda out of it's covered parking space and drive it through the icy streets of Hillwood. The train station was practically deserted at this hour, I was the only person waiting. When her train pulled up I sprung off the bench and waited anxiously as a handful of people exited the train. A small Asian girl appeared behind everyone else, struggling to hold up a large duffle bag.
"Phoebs!" I rushed up to her and threw my arms around her tiny waist, lifting her and the duffle bag up in one swift motion and twirling in a circle.
"Goodness!" she chuckled. "Hello to you too Helga!"
"I haven't seen you in nine months!" I lowered her back on to the floor, taking her bag and tossing the strap over my shoulder. "Now lets get the heck out of here. There's a bum outside wearing a trench coat who offered to give me a private viewing."
"Oh dear.." she followed closely behind me as we walked back to my car, making it a point not to make eye contact with the creepy flashing bum. I really can't blame her for not wanting to see some tweaked out guys junk.
Since I woke up early to get her, Phoebe offered to buy me breakfast and 'catch up'. Who was I to say no to free food? For some reason though, I had a feeling Phoebe was luring me with food because she wanted to discuss the incident with Rhonda a few days ago. I told her the gist of it but I really didn't want to get into it again. Arnold had been inconspicuously MIA the past few days which was only adding to my frustration and curiosity. Knowing Arnold didn't correct Rhonda disturbed me in a way. He wasn't that type of guy…
"You seem distracted Helga." Phoebe pushed around the fruit in her yogurt, giving me her all knowing 'spill it' look.
"I'm fine. Just sleepy I guess.." I feigned a yawn, averting my gaze from hers. By the time our eyes met again she was full on glaring at me. "Okay! Crimeny Phoebs… I'm just a little freaked out lately. Can you blame me? I'm on edge all the time about the guys finding out about that stupid rumor and finding myself all alone every Saturday night playing solitaire for the rest of my college experience!"
"I thought Danny said he wouldn't tell-"
"Why is Arnold nowhere to be found?" I pushed my plate away from me. "We usually see each other all the time around campus."
"So this is more about Arnold than about the frat."
Oh damn me and my big mouth.
"Quit psychoanalyzing me, dammit Phoebs!" after everything I've had to deal with lately I really just wanted to curl into a ball and disappear. Why couldn't everyone just forget Arnold slept in my room? Why couldn't everything go back to a few months ago before Arnold kissed my cheek and triggered all this ridiculously unnecessary sexual tension?
Phoebe's hand reached across the table and covered mine, giving it a light squeeze and offered a sympathetic smile. "It's winter vacation Helga… people visit their families. Have you ever considered that maybe Arnold is staying with his grandparents for a few days?"
Like I said, Phoebe always has a way of looking at things from a different perspective. It never even crossed my mind that he was visiting his family. Now I felt like a total dumbass for worrying and losing sleep over nothing. "The guys never called and cancelled poker night… it is tonight.." I trailed off.
"Then I'm sure it's still on!" she smiled brightly. "My parents are planning on taking me out for sushi tonight or else I'd come with you to see Arnold… and Gerald." her cheeks reddened slightly at the mention of Gerald's name. As far as carrying torches go Phoebe is right behind me in the contest for the world's longest crush. Now that I've gotten to know the 'guy' side of Gerald I'm relieved they never got together. She's way too good for him and his tricks.
"Phoebe, I hope you understand that every time you're in town he puts on his church boy routine for you. He's not the same guy we knew in junior high… hell, high school for that matter!"
"Gerald is just misunderstood is all. You only see the negative in him because you're a concerned friend. He's actually very sweet to me."
"Crimeny Phoebs! You have a vagina… a vagina! A VAGINA! One that he will do or say anything to get his dick inside of! His sugary sweet attitude is a little thing the guys I hang out with like to call 'artificial sweetener'. You've been force fed bullshit!" As if on cue several sets of eyes fell on me. This was becoming far too familiar of a scenario. "Yeah that's right, I said VAGINA! What now?" I shouted at everyone watching us. Phoebe sank as low as she possibly could into her seat, completely mortified and red faced. "I lost my dignity a long time ago Phoebs… what do I care?" I muttered lowly.
"You're way too stressed out Helga. Do you really think it's wise to go to the card game tonight?"
"What?" I let out an indignant huff. "Why wouldn't I go? I always go!"
"Do you think you'll be able to control your temper for the evening without screaming out clinical names for the female anatomy?"
"I'm just not having a good week, alright? As soon as I'm with them everything will be fine. Their idiotic banter is my escape from reality! I appreciate the concern Phoebs, but it isn't necessary."
I knew I was in denial about this whole thing. I may be mental, but I'm not an idiot. Things were inevitably going to change between me and the guys after everything that happened… or at least a portion of that group (Arnold, Danny..) because they knew and saw far too much of the real me for my liking. It was always going to be a dark cloud hanging over me. It's not like I could wipe my slate clean and start fresh… not in this world. I got upgraded from (in the words of Rhonda) a "semi-quasi lesbian" to an unstable tomboy who supposedly hopped in the sack with someone considerably out of my league. Everything that happens from this point on will always have me wondering if there's some sort of underlying subliminal messages hidden in our banter… Maybe Phoebe was right. Maybe I shouldn't go to play cards tonight. I really did need time to recharge and regroup… Psh! When did I listen to Phoebe anyway?
Me and Phoebe had spent the whole day together and it was nearing 7 o'clock. Phoebe kept repeatedly bringing up the fact I hadn't outwardly said whether I was going or not. I know she was just concerned about me, but if anything her persistence was only pushing me to face my fear instead of avoid it.
"Are you sure about this Helga?" Phoebe stood behind me as I messed with my hair in the mirror.
"YES Phoebs.. I'll be okay. If at any point I feel like I'm going to snap I'll just leave." our gazes met in the reflection in the mirror. "And you say I worry too much!" I playfully stuck my tongue out. Instead of playing along Phoebe looked down at her feet and shook her head. "Aw come on Phoebe!" I turned around and gently shook her shoulders. "I'm a big girl. I know what I'm doing."
"I just hate seeing you get hurt Helga. You're my best friend and I love y-OOF!" I pulled her against me into a tight hug. Hearing someone say 'I love you' elicited odd feelings from me. In my life I had only heard that phrase said to me a total of three times. And one time was from Arnold's demented cousin Arnie, which totally didn't count.
"I know Phoebs.." I ruffled her hair. "Come on… lets get you to your parents house."
"You can do this. You CAN do this…" I repeated to myself over and over as I made my way down the familiar cobblestone path. When I reached the front door I took a deep breath and hung my head for several seconds to collect myself before lifting my head high and knocking harshly on the wooden door. "I can do this."
It took several minutes before I could finally hear someone coming towards the door. Louis cracked the door open, failing to unlock the chain, and partially poked his head out to give me a once over. "Pataki? What are you doing here?" his eyebrow raised skeptically.
"It's poker night ya dip! Now move!" I took a step towards the door and pushed on it, but it didn't budge under his weight. "Unlock the door and let me in!"
"There's no game tonight… Uh….didn't… you…um… hear?" he looked around nervously.
"Very funny Louis. Now let me in!" I hit the door a little harsher.
"We're not having a game tonight! I swear!" just as he finished his sentence I could hear a faint laughter coming from the other room along with the sound of poker chips hitting the wooden table. "umm.."
"You swear huh?" I leaned against the doorframe. "Wanna know a secret?" I signaled him to lean closer. When he was less than a few inches away I reached my hand inside the crack of the door and grasped him by his shirt, forcefully pulling his head into the much too small space and stretching his face against it with a loud thump. "You're the level headed one here Louis." I whispered and pulled him in again, stretching his face even further and making him groan. "I'm giving you one chance to settle the score. I will spare you bodily harm… now SPILL!"
"If you stop trying to stretch my face like silly putty I'll tell you!" I released him with a light shove. After rubbing his face for a few seconds he leaned closer to the crack in the door and looked me dead in the eyes. "They aren't telling me much… but the guys pulled me aside earlier and said Arnold isn't comfortable around you anymore and that poker night would be awkward with you here. So they told me to get rid of you by telling you poker night was cancelled and on an indefinite hiatus."
"Arnold agreed to this?" I felt tears threatening to form in my eyes.
He glanced over his shoulder to makes sure nobody had listened in on our conversation. "Look… I wasn't supposed to tell you any of this! I really need to go.." his hand reach through and grabbed my arm. "I'm really sorry…"
I looked him in the eyes and nodded solemnly "… me too."
It was a long and lonely walk back to my dorm room that December night. I had officially been given the 'kiss of death' from Arnold and the frat. I haven't felt this alone since I was a kid! Everything I worked so hard to create was diminishing right before my eyes. I couldn't figure out why the big guy upstairs was so hell-bent on making my life miserable. What did I do to deserve it?
Exist.
When I got back inside my dorm room I plopped down in my computer chair and stared at the ceiling. During this whole debacle there was one thing I couldn't figure out….. why was Arnold pushing me away all of the sudden? Wasn't he the one who practically gift wrapped me as a midmorning snack for Rhonda? He sold me down the river to further his own stupid reputation! Who did he think he was anyway? I opened the top drawer of my desk and pulled out the photo of me and Arnold from last St. Patrick's day and examined it. I stood up and hung it back up on my memory board, getting a pushpin and sticking it directly through his eye.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
"The mask is off football head."