THE COOKIE INCIDENT
Commander Shepard was hungry. He wanted a cookie. He went to the kitchen and made himself a batch of his favorite type of cookies: oatmeal raisin. He sat down to eat them. Jacob smelled the cookies and came over to investigate.
"Oo, cookies! Shepard, can I have one?"
"No, Jacob. These are raisin cookies. I know you hate raisin cookies, and besides, these are MINE. Make your own." Jacob walked away pouting.
Jack also smelled the cookies. She decided that she would like a cookie and walked over. She demanded that Shepard give her a cookie. She was not very nice about it.
"Shepard, gimme a cookie," she said.
"What do we say, Jack?"
"NOW."
"How about ple-YOWCH!" He was abruptly cut off by Jack punching him in the face. He dropped the cookies. Jack snatched one up. She dangled her prize in front of his face, giving him the raspberry. Then she took a bite. Her smug expression changed into one of pure rage.
"RAISIN COOKIES?!" she roared. "I HATE RAISIN COOKIES!" She slammed him into the floor.
Downstairs, Grunt heard the noise and looked up just in time to see a Shepard-shaped impression appear in the ceiling. He chuckled and went upstairs. He got off the elevator to see a furious Jack being restrained by Zaeed and Samara. Tali and Garrus watched silently. Shepard staggered out of the med bay, followed by Dr. Chakwas.
"How is he, Doctor?" Tali anxiously asked.
"He'll live," Chakwas replied, "But Jack gave him a minor concussion, along with several cracked ribs."
The next day, Shepard looked somewhat better. The first thing that he did, before even getting dressed, was to punish Jack. For the next few weeks, Mess Sergeant Gardener ceased complaining about the toilets. However, the Shepard-shaped dent in the floor was not repaired for quite some time.
THE END