From the playlist:

Vienna - Billy Joel

Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi

Ch. 22 - Better

"I've done it! I've actually done it!" Marlene shouted, celebrating the white lynx that had just made its first appearance as her corporeal Patronus.

Alastor patted her shoulder. "Well done, McKinnon. Now, see if you can achieve the same thing without the incantation. Off you go."

As it was a Saturday, the Patronus lesson was held in the morning rather than the evening, and everyone was now practicing their ability to conjure the charm non-verbally. Lily was able to do so by the third class, and now by the fourth class, her doe was prancing around James's corporeal stag. In class two, Alice discovered her corporeal Patronus was a mare. Sirius and Frank succeeded in conjuring their non-verbal incorporeal Patronuses, as Remus had the day before. At this point in the lessons, most everyone was able to produce some manner of Patronus at least once.

Everyone except for Peter, Mundungus, and Emmeline.

Since Remus was well on his way, he spent this class trying to help Emmeline, who was growing frustrated. They stood detached from the rest of the group.

"I think, perhaps, you're not keeping your wrist in line."

"Sturgis is over there flapping his wrist about, and he figured this out two classes ago."

"Don't look at Sturgis, or any of them. The only spell you need to focus on is your own."

"I am focusing. It's rather difficult not to look at everyone else when you're one of the only people who hasn't figured it out!"

"I'm trying to help, why are you getting angry with me? "

"I'm not getting angry with you!"

"Vance, how's it going?" Alastor asked, intervening.

Emmeline massaged the inside of her hand. "I just don't know what I'm doing wrong." That was mostly true.

"Show me," Alastor bade her.

"It's not going to be any better than when I showed you last class…" she grumbled.

"Emmeline," Remus warned.

"On day one, I figured it was because I haven't practiced advanced magic consistently for a while, but now I'm starting to think I just can't produce a Patronus at all, and that all this effort isn't going to help anything…" She bit down on her tongue to keep from crying.

Alastor sighed and got very close to her face. "If you're wantin' to give up and leave, by all means do so. I won't stop you. But if you want to figure this out, you're gonnae have to have to suck it up and show me the spell."

Emmeline nodded bleakly, then adjusted her posture as Alastor backed up to observe her. Remus held his breath as Emmeline closed her eyes and raised her wand. "Expecto Patronum."

Nothing.

She grit her teeth and stuffed her wand away. "I don't think I can do this anymore today."

"Hold on a minute. Your form is fine. You're so focused on what's happening with your body that you're not focusing on what's happening with your mind, and that's the more important task." Alastor approached her again. "What memory are you picturing?"

"...Arriving back in England last month. Walking through Diagon Alley." That was mostly true.

"What did it smell like?"

"What?"

"You heard me. What did the air smell like?"

"I dunno...like...I dunno!"

"Then you didnae pick a good enough memory."

Emmeline swallowed. Her grip around her wand tightened.

"Just leave me alone and go help someone else."

"Emmeline-"

"Your mental work is lazy," Alastor decided. "You need details-"

"I'm trying!" she shouted.

As soon as she did, Remus pulled her back away from him. "Stop it! What's gotten into you?"

The others were beginning to stare.

Deciding that his time was better spent elsewhere, Alastor turned on his heel and shouted over his shoulder. "Go home Vance, and when you come back tomorrow, you'd better have left the attitude there."

Searing tears of humiliation began to stream down Emmeline's cheeks. As she stormed out of the clearing, her friends exchanged concerned looks, wondering whether it would be better to send someone after her or let her go.

Remus tried to catch up to her. "Emmeline, wait-"

"I didn't dismiss you Lupin! You don't get to leave just because Vance does," Alastor reprimanded him. "She's a big girl, she can get home on her own. You have work to do."

Remus felt his heart tug in two directions as he watched Emmeline disappear into the tree line.

…

An hour or so later, Remus apparated back home. He crept up the stairs, both wanting to see Emmeline and not wanting to face her. He found her in bed with a new book, looking a bit too calm and collected.

A timid "...Hello," was all he dared to say.

"I'm not going back to lessons," she replied in a stale voice, not looking up from her page.

Remus sighed and sat at the foot of the bed, making sure to give her space. "I really think that would be a mistake."

She slammed the book shut with an audible thud and looked at him acidly.

"I can't stand one more day of failing at that stupid spell. I'm staying home."

"It's a difficult charm, Emmeline. Give yourself another week"

"Clearly it's more difficult for me than it is for the rest of the Order." She tossed her book onto the nightstand and got out of bed to sulk by the window.

"Not everyone has gotten the hang of it yet."

"The only people who haven't 'gotten the hang of it' are Peter, Mundungus, and me. Mundungus is...well, Mundungus. Peter is a gifted animagus, but he was never anything special in the Charms department."

"You don't have to be cruel."

"You know I've always been good at spells," she continued. "I wasn't far behind you or Lily in Charms. I've never had this much trouble with magic in my life, and it's exasperating; not to mention the fact that, if it's going to be how the Order communicates, it puts me at a huge disadvantage, and that makes me a liability to everyone."

"Maybe you just need more time and you're selling yourself short."

"Or maybe I'm the only witch in the Order who can't produce a Patronus. Alastor said some people would never produce one at all. I think it's going to be easier on my sanity if I just come to terms with the fact that my Patronus is not in the cards, and stop making a bloody fool out of myself. Maybe I'm just wasting everybody's time, and the Order is better off without me after all." She turned away from the window and strode past him, grumbling: "I need a cup of tea," as she went.

It made sense now, why Emmeline had been so hesitant to rejoin the Order: she was afraid of letting her colleagues down.

It frustrated Remus that she was giving up on herself so easily because of her pride. He stood up and followed her down the stairs. "You know, perhaps if you were less concerned with having your ego bruised, you could put more of your effort into figuring out a good memory to use rather than throwing a tantrum."

Emmeline spun around, fuming. "It's maddening attending those training sessions and having everyone ogle at my flaws when they know that my inadequacy could jeopardize their lives. It makes me feel utterly useless!"

"Merlin's beard Emmeline, then practice at home when you're away from all of them. Let me help you instead of getting defensive. Alastor is right, pouting is not getting you any closer to mastering the charm!"

"You have no idea what it's like, not being able to do this. You figured it out ten minutes into the first class! Don't treat me like I'm being ridiculous, because you can't possibly fathom how this feels!"

Remus thought he might've felt his blood pressure increase.

"...You think I 'can't possibly fathom' what it's like, not to be able to do something?" he rumbled, each word more deliberate than the last.

Realizing the massive error of her statement, Emmeline immediately backed down. Stupid, stupid non-existent filter. She put her hands on his chest, but he brushed them off.

"I didn't mean-"

"Don't you dare preach to me about inadequacy-"

"I'm- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I just got angry-"

"-or what it's like to feel like a liability."

"I didn't think before I spoke-"

"You have no idea how this feels-"

"Remus-"

"-and unfortunately Emmeline, unlike you, I can't just make my problems disappear by giving up and abandoning ship."

He regretted it as soon as he said it. He regretted it as soon as he saw how his words plunged into her gut like a saber.

He backed up and covered his mouth.

Emmeline wiped tears before they even had a chance to touch her cheeks as she walked past him to get back up the stairs. Remus could not move, nor could he compel himself to speak, lest some other abominable thing come out of his mouth.

"Emmeline...Emmeline wait," he called, finally snapping out of his stupor and running after her. He caught her arm in the doorway of the bedroom, but she jerked it away. "I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me. I don't know why I said that."

"I think we both know why you said it," she muttered, hauling her suitcase out of the closet.

Remus froze. "W-...What are you doing?"

She began to remove her clothes from the wardrobe. "It was a mistake to move in here so quickly."

"...Hang on, let's think about this for a moment," he pleaded, approaching her. She stepped back away from him.

"It was foolish to think that after all this time apart and everything that's happened, we could just pick up right where we left off. I think I should sleep somewhere else. We just need more time."

"I don't need any time-"

"You said you forgave me."

"I have! I-"

"It's evident that you haven't, whether you realize it or not, and I don't think I've really forgiven myself either, so I just think it will be for the best-"

"Emmeline-" He reached towards her, but she dodged his arm again and walked briskly to the bathroom to collect her things. "Where will you go?" he asked, more desperation seeping into his voice.

"I don't know; I'll ask Marlene if I can stay at her parents' house while I figure something out." She snatched up her toothbrush and comb.

Remus started to tremble.

Though he had not watched her pack when she left before, he had imagined what it might've looked like so often that it became real to him. He had a vivid, placebo memory of Emmeline gathering her belongings and walking out the front door of their old flat. His imagination had crafted it so convincingly that the sight of her packing now was giving him shell-shock.

But it didn't matter; because after every blessed thing she told him two nights ago, Remus had taken her faithful words, turned around, and thrown them back in her face.

And Emmeline didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve any of it.

He nodded, unable to take his eyes off the suitcase. "…Alright…It's okay. I understand." He could feel his voice wavering. "This…this is better. This will be better for you."

The shift in his demeanor made Emmeline stop what she was doing to look up at him. Even through her own glassy eyes, it was not hard to see that Remus was on the verge of tears. The damage his words had done minutes ago did not hurt nearly as much as the way he was looking at her suitcase now.

"…Remus, I'm not-…I'm not saying I want to break up," she clarified, wiping her face.

"Maybe that's something you should think about-"

"No, it's-...I just think we should live separately until we can fix whatever needs to be fixed between us."

"…No, that's good. That will help you to see that there are other options."

"I don't want other options, why are you-...?" She stood up taller. "It isn't fair for you to say these things to me-"

"I'm sorry, Emmeline. I'm sorry for all of it."

"You did this the other night, too. I was sad, and you took that, and you let it make you feel guilty-"

"I know-"

"-instead of just letting me be sad without turning it into something that had to be your fault-"

"I just want what's best for you-"

"It's like you want me to leave again-"

Their dispute was interrupted by the appearance of the silver phoenix.