***TW: Violence.

From the playlist:

Chasing Cars - Sleeping At Last

Nocturne (Interlude) - Laufey

Pyromania - Tommee Profitt

Walk Through The Fire - Zayde Wølf (continues into next chapter)

Chapter 45 - Ashes to Ashes

July 20th

The shifting weight on the mattress caused Emmeline to awake in a panic. She snatched her wand from the nightstand, shot up, and pointed it towards whoever had entered her bedroom in the middle of the night.

Remus, having just arrived home from his trip, held up his hands in defense. His hair had grown out considerably and the skin of his face was dappled with small cuts. Seeing that it was him, Emmeline's heart leapt in her chest - but her wand remained up.

"Fifth year - What book were you reading the day we spoke on the bridge?" she asked, her voice full of gravel from sleep.

Remus smiled wearily. "To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf."

Once she confirmed that it really was him, she threw her wand aside and climbed fervently into his arms, kissing him hard. Ignoring his soreness and reciprocating the kiss, Remus enveloped her in as strong an embrace as he could muster.

Emmeline held his face and kissed him over and over again, moving so quickly from one kiss to another that one might've thought she was gasping for air and Remus's lips were her only source of oxygen. "That was too long," she murmured against his mouth. This marked the end of his most extensive excursion yet.

He lowered Emmeline back down onto the bed and laid beside her just to feel her close. Nothing had ever felt so good. "I wouldn't have stayed so long this time if it hadn't been so productive. Dumbledore was pleased."

"What did you find out?"

Again, he gave her a weak smile. "That's classified," he said apologetically, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. "I cannot adequately express just how much I've missed you." There weren't enough words.

"Missed me?" she parroted sleepily.

Remus let out an exhausted chuckle. Vixen. He supposed he could come up with a few words amid his weariness. "Yearned for you."

"Anything else?"

"…Pined."

"That's a good one."

"Ached."

"That's an even better one."

He brushed her bottom lip with his thumb. "I did…I do…"

"I've spent the last three months in a tizzy wondering every second if you were still alive. I think I've got you beat."

Remus's hand moved to stroke her cheek. She was soft and warm and smelled lovely, and nothing had ever felt so good after three wretched months - which is why he wondered whether or not he should ask. "How's it been here?"

Emmeline blinked rapidly. Her first impulse was to lie and say that things had been fine; to insinuate that some fruits of his labors were finally flowering; that the sacrifices he made were paying off. But it wouldn't have been fair to say something so blatantly false.

"...Pretty dreadful," she admitted, her bottom lip quivering.

"I tried to stay up to date on the paper, I read about Dorcas, I was so-…" He swallowed. "God, and just the way she went was awful…Did you attend the funeral? How's her family?"

"They were too afraid to have a public funeral after what happened, they thought it might be seen as a statement."

"Shit," he sighed.

Emmeline didn't want to have to tell him, but…

"Remus, we lost Edgar and Phoebe, too."

"What?"

"They killed their whole family."

The whites of Remus' eyes grew larger. "N-…You mean-?"

"All of them."

"Merlin have mercy, that's monstrous…" he exhaled, squeezing his eyes shut as he came to a horrible conclusion. "That's nearly a third of the Order, gone…"

Grasping at his t-shirt, Emmeline let out a shuddering breath. "…I don't know if we're going to win this war…I used to be so sure, but now it's all so-...The small victories aren't enough. It feels like everything is falling apart-"

"Hey, hey, hey-"

"If he takes over the Ministry-"

"We're working towards dinner and a movie like normal people, remember?" he encouraged, feigning optimism.

"But if he does-"

"Then we all go underground and try to survive until we can fight again," he said matter-of-factly. "For now, we just have to keep going…"

"...Dinner and a movie…" she whispered, nodding.

"...Someday..."

Emmeline smiled a little, blinking away tears. "I think my outlook on everything suffers tremendously when you're away…"

"I know, I'm sorry."

She felt a twinge in her chest, thinking of Sirius and how she would eventually have to break that news to him. "You have nothing to apologize for. I'm so proud of you for what you're doing. I'm just glad to have you back…"

Remus leaned forward and kissed her deeply, clutching her to himself. His everything suffered when he had to be away for so long, and three months had been torture.

As she often did, Emmeline seemed to read his mind, and started lifting off his shirt. "Are you sore-?"

"I'm always sore," he reminded her, pulling the shirt all the way over his head before tugging her on top of himself with a sense of urgency. "I really need this, this would be very welcomed right now."

She unbuckled his belt and trousers as she leaned down to whisper in his ear. "I only want to know you and this bed. Make me forget everything else."

"Yes ma'am."

The world outside might've been bursting into flames, but at least they had this. At least they had right now. If they burned up in it tomorrow, so be it.

…

The morning sunlight shining through the window found Emmeline and Remus in each other's arms. Excited to finally have him home again, Emmeline woke up uncharacteristically early and quietly untangled herself from his embrace. Remus was so exhausted that he hardly stirred.

When she rose from the bed, Emmeline took a moment to appreciate the sight of the tired lycan sprawled out on the mattress, nearly face down and snoring with one half of his still-naked frame hanging outside the duvet. She came around the other side of the bed and covered the rest of him, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. His poor body was probably in so much pain after three whole months off the Wolfsbane, and she'd likely made it worse, even if they had gone slow. What small comfort could she offer him to soften the blow of waking up to the soreness?

And then it came to her: "Fresh pastries," she thought. It had been forever since the two of them splurged on treats from the bakery down the road. A day like today called for pastries, not whatever sad excuse for breakfast (or lack thereof) she'd been settling for lately. She slipped on a loose dress and located her satchel before commandeering a pair of Remus's loafers. Thank God it was a Monday. She wouldn't have to contend with a shift at Flourish and Blotts, and could instead relax the day away with him.

She wished that a danish could alleviate some small portion of the hurt he'd feel when she told him about Sirius, but Emmeline knew his words would crush Remus. They could talk about it later.

She tip-toed down the stairs and raised her wand towards the front door before setting off.

"Finite."

The atmosphere shifted as the protective spells surrounding the house dissolved. The shop was only five minutes down the road, hardly far enough to require that she re-cast them before she returned.

The walk was pleasant enough, though the direct July sunlight felt foreign on Emmeline's skin. Patrols with the Order had practically turned her nocturnal. She relished the mundane-ness of the morning: taking a casual stroll, wearing a dress she hadn't put on in ages. It made her feel normal. She felt like a regular twenty-one-year-old for the first time in a long time.

The owner of the bakery smiled as she unlocked the front door of the shop for Emmeline. "Early bird catches the worm I suppose," she chirped, welcoming her inside then piddling back behind the counter. "The croissants are fresh this morning, if that sparks your interest."

"I'll take two of everything."

The owner's lips turned upward, impressed. "Two of everything it is."

…

"Should we expect Sirius for breakfast?" Lorna McKinnon asked from her place at the table. She'd always been wary that her daughter chose to hang around the Black family turncoat; but after spending a bit more time with him recently, she was coming around to the idea of him.

"I think he'll probably eat at James's again before he comes back," Marlene responded from the kitchen as she poured hot water for tea. Her parents had been letting him come over to sleep during the day before he went back over to the Potters' at night.

Clyde McKinnon, dressed in his Ministry cloak, lowered his copy of The Daily Prophet. "Is James the strapping fellow? Or the portly one?"

"The first one. Peter's the portly one. Honestly Da, you can name all the players on the Canons, shouldn't you be able to remember my friends' names?"

"Do your friends play Quidditch?" asked Angus, his mouth full of toast.

"Not anymore."

"Then he's probably not gonnae remember their names."

Marlene rolled her eyes, and turned to stare out the kitchen window while her tea steeped.

All of the sudden, she heard the unexpected sound of an apparition.

…

Emmeline paid for her box of goodies with muggle money. She didn't get to use it often, and was always a bit excited to pay in pounds. It made her think of her father.

She helped herself to one of the warm croissants as she walked back home. She might as well enjoy it while it was fresh, since they'd inevitably be cold by the time Remus woke up. When she'd gobbled it all up, she had to wipe the flakes from her mouth and dress to hide the evidence. She heard a squawk overhead and looked up to find Orpheus following her. "You'd better not tell on me."

But the rest of the pastries went to waste anyway. She dropped the box on the ground when she turned the corner to find the house being searched high and low by Death Eaters.

She scampered back around the nearest building, kicking the box out of view and drawing her wand, her heart pounding. Peeking back towards the townhouse, she spotted Mulciber standing outside giving orders to others. The front door had been blasted apart, and a few adjacent neighbors were being threatened to go back into their homes. There were far too many of them for Emmeline to take on alone, and Remus-

Emmeline felt as though all the blood had gone out of her body.

Remus was asleep inside.

She peeked out again, her eyes searching wildly for him as three more Death Eaters emerged from the house to report their findings to Mulciber. Emmeline was too far away to catch everything, but she definitely heard something about "Malfoy," "we can't find her," and "Travers [something] the other one."

But she was distinctly able to hear Mulciber deliver this instruction:

"Burn it down!"

…

Marlene cried out as she took a second blow to the face, dropping to her hands and knees on the floor of the kitchen.

"MARLEY!" Angus yelped.

"STOP IT! STOP IT!" her mother begged.

The Death Eater restraining Lorna only pulled her hair harder. "Be quiet, or you're next to go!"

Clyde McKinnon already lay motionless on the floor.

Travers rubbed his knuckles, preparing to deliver another punch. "How we doing, cupcake?"

"FUCK OFF!" Marlene spat, quaking with fury as she whipped back around to face him.

A bone-chilling smile crawled across Travers' lips. "I'm just getting started."

Lorna kept whispering "please, please, please," over and over through her tears. Angus was fighting hard to free himself from his captor.

With blood now dripping from her nose and mouth, Marlene swiveled her head towards her family, trying to choke back sobs when she got another look at her father. "They have nothing to do with this, let them go-"

"Shh. You're asking for the wrong things," Travers tutted.

"...Oh Merlin no," she moaned, realizing.

"See, if I were you, and I would've figured out by now that nobody's getting out of this-"

"Please forgive me," Marlene whimpered.

Lorna wailed.

"-and what I'd want to know before I drew my last breath is who'd been behind this."

Marlene seethed, refusing to play into his game.

"…No? Well I'll tell you anyway, because I want to see your face." He crouched down to her eye level. "You've got a rat in your ranks."

If she was going to die, at least she wouldn't give him the gratification of watching her crumble under the weight of this information as if she weren't aware. She already knew that-

…Except…that word he used…

In the span of dwindling time, Marlene's mind raced to retrace its steps; as well as the steps of someone who so often hung back in the shadows. He'd been making a home for himself in the shadows of those who were bolder since the day she met him. It seemed that he'd grown used to shadows; so used to them perhaps, that the darkness the rest of them were fighting so hard to keep at bay had started to look like a safe haven to him.

Marlene kept her expression tempered. She'd deprive Travers of the satisfaction of her wide eyes or slack jaw.

"…Who?" she growled, only to confirm her theory.

Travers glanced at his associates. "Wish I knew; but we haven't been introduced. All I know is he's one of your own."

Travers didn't even know the identity of the traitor. He had no concept of the revelation he's just led Marlene to with that one, careless word.

Such a shame to be so brilliant, and yet so utterly fucked.

She should've checked the shadows.

Marlene roared with rage, starting to rise. "THAT BASTARD-"

But Travers's fist was quicker. She fell back to the ground again, the screams of her mother and brother enveloping her like a strange embrace.

It was then that Marlene realized none of her friends were safe.

She thought of Sirius, and of how losing so many people must have been exhausting.

…

Emmeline had to cover her mouth to stifle her sobs, watching helplessly as the Death Eaters set the house on fire. They laughed as they hurled flames up onto the roof, and onto those of the surrounding homes as well. When they were satisfied with their work, they disapparated.

After they had all gone, she rushed out from her hiding spot towards the blaze, her wand in hand. Some neighbors tried to grab her as she sprinted straight past them into the burning building.

"REMUS!" she screamed, coughing and choking on the smoke filling the air. Pointing her wand at the flaming curtains in the living room, she shouted: "Aguamenti!"

But the spell was no match for the hastening magnitude of the house fire. She gave up and sped to the stairs, snatching up a stationary box from the coffee table on her way. The photos were her only possessions she would have been devastated to lose.

Accidentally grabbing the doorknob to the bedroom, she scorched her hand on the metal and let out a wail; but ignored the burn.

"Bombarda!"

When the door blew down, she could see that the entire bedroom was already engulfed in flames. The mattress had gone up in an inferno, and through the smoke she could not make out whether or not Remus's body was on it.

If it was, he was gone.

She roared, and had half a mind to jump onto the bed with him.

But the smoke overwhelmed her.

Emmeline disapparated to the wooden thicket behind the houses across the road, and letting the box drop from her grasp, vomited up the croissant at the base of a tree. Stumbling a few feet away, she collapsed on all fours, clenching the earth underneath her burned palm to stabilize herself as she quaked with sobs.

Remus was gone.

She could feel herself unraveling. In her thoughts, she begged God to take her too; and swore to him that, if he did not, she'd spill the blood of everyone that had contrived to reduce her heart to ashes.

A nearby crack startled her, and she shot up on her knees, her wand wavering in her trembling hand.

"EMMELINE!" Remus screeched, running through the trees. He'd tied the stupid, lumpy green scarf around his neck.

Relief surged through her. "REMUS!" She flung herself into him as he skidded to the ground and seized her in his arms so hard that it knocked the breath out of both their lungs.

"Thank God-!"

"I thought they killed you," she bawled into his shoulder, squeezing him tighter than she ever had before. "I thought you were in the fi-fire!"

"Orpheus woke me up, I saw them coming. I didn't know where you were, I was so worried!"

"The house-"

"I don't care about the house, I thought they took you-!"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I should have never lowered the enchantments!"

"Why did they come?" He grasped her soot-dusted face in his hands. "Were they searching for you!?"

"Marlene and I-..."

Emmeline had a sudden, horrible epiphany:

Something that one of the Death Eaters said before had become clear:

Travers is taking care of the other one.

Malfoy. Travers. The other one.

She pushed herself up and began to panic again. "They're going after Marlene!"

…

When they apparated to the McKinnons, the house had already been ignited. The column of thick, black smoke over the flames made a canvas for a monstrous dark mark.

"NO!"

Emmeline headed straight for the inferno; but Remus flung his arms around her waist and held her back.

"EMMELINE-"

"LET ME GO!" she screeched, writhing in his grasp. "MARLENE! SIRIUS!"

Not only was it possible that Marlene was in there; it had just occurred to Remus that Sirius also might be trapped in the fire. His momentary stupor allowed Emmeline a split second to break free of him and race towards the house.

"EMMELINE, STOP!" he cried, running after her as fast as his feet would take him.

There was no possible point of entry - the flames had already engulfed every doorway and window. Emmeline searched the perimeter of the house desperately, but could not find a way in, lest she apparate into the blaze.

"MARLENE!" she called again through a broken window, cupping her hands around her mouth. "SIRIUS!"

Remus caught up and attempted to pull her away again, but she shook him off and drew her wand. "Aguamenti!" Now that her voice wasn't hindered by smoke, a larger gush of water flew out of her wand towards the house.

He reached for her arm again. "Emmeline, you can't-"

"Help me!" With her wand still pointed at the flames, she spun around to face him. "HELP ME!"

Feeling utterly powerless, Remus gazed up at the flames. They towered so high that they were kissing the feet of the smoky dark mark.

"Aguamenti!"

Even together, their streams of water had little effect on the raging pyre. Remus knew it too; but he glanced over at Emmeline, the heat evaporating the tears from her cheeks. She was completely concentrated on getting to her friends - dead or alive. He realized she would spend all day trying to put this fire out if she had to, and this gave Remus the will to do the same.

From up above their heads, they heard a faint rumbling. Remus glanced up at the sky where Sirius's motorbike was beginning its descent towards the ground.

"They made it out," he rejoiced. "Emmeline! They made it out!" Halting their water spells, they ran out to meet the motorcycle.

But when the bike landed, Remus's heart plummeted.

Sirius had seen the fire from the sky and practically jumped off in midair. "Where are they?!" he hollered.

He'd been the only one on board.

Remus searched for the words. He couldn't ever remember seeing so much panic in Sirius's eyes. "She's not with you?"

"They must have gotten out, where are they? They can't..." He repeated his question, but trailed off when he spotted the dark mark amid the smoke from a lower angle.

"Sirius…" Emmeline grizzled, beginning to cry again.

But Sirius was no longer listening. There was a peculiar ringing in his ears.

"N-...No...no-"

"We don't know-"

"Marley- MARLENE!" he shrieked suddenly, bolting towards the house.

"Padfoot, STOP-!"

"GET OFF ME!" He shoved Remus aside as he was trying to grab his shoulders. He continued sprinting towards the blaze until the roof collapsed inward with a splintering crash. Sirius staggered back, swayed unsteadily, then fell to his knees, howling.