I have to give big thanks to HammerTide to giving me the unfinished chapter 5 , it really saved me a lot of time . In fact , its only the stuff near the end that was my own writing .

Though I will say that I did add more than a few changes to this chapter that I am very happy with .

Now enough rambling , let's get this chapter started !

Zuko went up to his mother, the older woman gazing around the gardens while Kiyi has the time of her life with the turtle ducks. Watching his mother's smile, her golden eyes carefully watching her daughter as if she is so afraid that she might get away from her line of vision.

Zuko stopped by her side, a bit free now of his duties as the meeting with his generals and lieutenants was adjourned. Though finally done for the day, his responsibilities as a Fire Lord were far from over. He always appreciates the time where he gets to have for himself, and he makes sure that what little time he gets, it would be to spent with his family and loved ones .

"You look very happy today mother." Zuko said to her, standing tall as he watched Kiyi getting swarmed on by turtle ducks, the little girl's laugh igniting his spirit inside of him. It reminded him back then, when was just a young boy himself, just at the age of Kiyi, where he played with his young sister Azula. The golden eyed toddler laughing along always made the big brother Zuko happy. "Kiyi is really coming around to the palace, does she still have problems with your new face yet ? "

Ursa chuckled and shakes her head. Her appearance no longer scaring the little girl anymore, at first she did not recognize her, but now she had come along quite well, basically back to where they were.

"She recognizes me, we're back to where we were. I'm just so happy how she is now, she's growing up to be a very kind girl." She says, the joy in her eyes was undeniable. Though as much as she had always appreciate to see her children being happy together, that joy is never complete no matter what. Unless her first daughter returns and she would get to say the things she needs to say to her; to ask forgiveness, and to tell her that she loved her with all her heart.

Ursa turned to his son, his golden eyes staring at his younger sister. She's glad that Zuko is here for Kiyi. "Zuko, can you watch Kiyi for me please ? I just need to tend to something."

Zuko calmly replies. "Of course, Mom. Do what you need, I'll play with Kiyi." He says as he walks towards his younger sister, the little girl giggling and laughing excitedly knowing her brother is there to get to play with her.

She smiled at the sight of it, but then after a few moments on she went inside the palace. Calmly walking in the corridors of the palace , Ursa sets her eyes a bit around the palace walls. Sometimes the dark memory of this place haunts her, but she was able to move on.

Even after all these years since she had fled the palace and never looked back , she still remembers exactly where to go .

In all fairness , the palace hadn't really undergone any major reconstruction since she had left but it still unnerved her how she instinctively knew exactly where to go and where to turn .

Which is why it led her to the door of Azula's room .

With Zuko's coronation as a Fire Lord, the rooms around the palace had to change, Zuko and Mai taking the quarters of the Fire Lord while Ursa and Ikem would get to occupy the guest room. Zuko had once offered Azula's room as Kiyi's new bedroom ...

She declined almost immediately .

She's certain that Zuko didn't mean anything by it , as he quickly apologized for even offering Azula's room as he realized the implication of giving away Azula's room to Kiyi would mean .

She wouldn't ... couldn't do that to Azula , if Kiyi occupies the room, it would only prove what Azula said to be true.

Replaced ...

Tell me mother, did you have to have a new daughter because your last one turned out to be a monster ?

The voice of her first daughter haunted her thoughts and she couldn't help but reply .

No Azula, you were never a monster to me. I have always loved you, I always wanted what is best for you.

Ursa reminded herself, the door to Azula's room in front of her. Her eyes were narrowed as the memories that had gone by in an instant. How she wished that if she opens the door, she would see a light skinned golden eyed girl sleeping inside peacefully.

And when she did, the reality that sets in to her always hurt no matter how much it repeats. Just an empty room with an empty bed, the servants not even giving the time to put a pillow and cushion on the furniture because they know none will occupy it.

Closing the door behind her, she remembers the little girl years ago , before Kiyi was even born, her first born daughter. Golden eyes, light skinned and very beautiful. A girl that would always be out there aiming to prove herself, but now nothing remained of that little girl. Only the one she encountered back at her house in Hira'a.

When she didn't even know she was her own daughter. Ever since the return of her memories, she wondered what she could have done differently, what could she have done ?

And the voice in her head gladly tells, as if a void that finally had waited to talk to the former Fire Lady .

Tell her that you loved her everyday.

I did !

Ursa shouts in her mind , not even sure if she's trying to convince the voice or herself .

No , you did not, you thought you told her, but you didn't. You never once said those words to her, you disciplined her, telling what she needs to do in order to be a good girl, but you never said those precious words to her at any point in her life.

Ursa sat down on her daughter's bed, trying to find something deep inside her memory that the voice was wrong, that she did tell her daughter that she loved her. Maybe not as frequent as she would tell her son, but at least it is there that she expresses her love to her verbally. Putting her hands on her head, Ursa dug and dug inside her consciousness for anything , anything at all !

But she finds nothing ...

She couldn't find a single memory of her telling her daughter that she loved her.

Appreciated the way she is.

But I did appreciate her, I loved my daughter !

No , you did not. Whenever Azula wanted to impress you, you always went to Zuko as your precious son cries that he cannot do what she can. Instead of appreciating your daughter's talent, you left her out and doted your son further. We know what it is Ursa, the reality of it all. Ironic, you call Ozai a monster, but you willingly let Azula fall into the hands of said monster.

She covered her face with her hands, had she ever told her daughter that her bending is beautiful ? That she would be a great woman when she would be grown ? She remembered simple praises here and there, complimenting her dress or that she did a nice job on composing herself, but never remembered ever telling her that she is proud and appreciate how talented she is .

Be careful with your words.

But I -

And as always Ursa, you're in denial. You were very careful with Zuko, always praising him, and always making sure you say the right words to the young boy to make sure his feelings were never hurt.

But to your second born on the other hand ? The gloves were off, you didn't even know how talented she could be. She remembered every word you had said to her, all the important lessons and details she must know, she had heard. You always told her that she is in the wrong, and that what she is doing is never good, never how a girl would act, you never praised her. You only criticized her.

And what was it that you had said to that old care taker ?

"I'm a horrible mother Lo-"

You are.

"Sometimes I had wished that I ended my pregnancy of Azula-"

Disgusting. You didn't even realize that the little girl was behind the door, hearing everything you said when she came wanting to know your opinion on whether or not dancing could be incorporated to her talent as a bender. You so wished that you had ended the life of your own daughter before she was even born, just so that you can spite Ozai.

"You never loved me! I heard it from you, you said I was a monster and you told Lo that you wished you ended your pregnancy when you were pregnant with me-"

SLAP !

The sound of her own hand connecting with her daughter's cheek still rings throughout her mind .

And especially the most important thing, you raised your hand on her. When those golden eyes teared up from the blow of your hand, that changed the girl. And she remembered it .These are the moments where you went wrong, Ursa. The truth is, you did not see Azula as Azula, but rather you saw your own daughter as another Ozai.

You didn't even assured her in that moment when she went crying to her room when all she wanted was to protect her brother from the Fire Lord's threats.

Ursa covered her face with her hands, ashamed of herself, the tears on her eyes had now wet her hands.

You're even worse than Ozai Ursa , he at least didn't pretend to be the benevolent parent to his children .

The voice in her head had disappeared but it claimed victory. It was right, no wonder Azula became what she is. She considers Ozai a monster, but he would have never stooped as low as she had reached when she was heard by Azula wishing that she had never existed. Ursa could only sob, forever wishing that she would get to hold Azula again and ask forgiveness.

She changed her stance, her hands fluidly moving from one side to the other. Her legs raised as if she was going a kick, but she changed stances again. Though the rain poured heavily on her as her feet dug to the ground, it didn't stop her.

This time imitating what Kazumi had did just earlier, ever since the older woman had redirected her attack, Azula felt upstaged to the point that it hurt. She wanted to replicate what she did, that she is still the best firebender in the world. With her father no longer being a bender, she wants to show that no one is better at her, that her blue flames are second to none.

There are some benders that had bested her in combat, she has enough humbleness to understand that. Her uncle had done so, but it is more of him knowing how she fights than actually being stronger, he always struggled against others while she on the other hand made her battles easy.

And to Zuko ? It wasn't a debate, she had bested him at every encounter. Their last Agni Kai wasn't even something the history books would call an Agni Kai, she was going to best her brother until the damned waterbender ruined the show. Knowing that she is the best firebender in history is something to take pride on, but somehow that is even in question when the older woman effortlessly demonstrated her Uncle's technique. And she didn't even show a fraction of what her abilities could be. To think that her title as the best could be even questioned.

Azula looked at the sky, her stance was perfect and her arm was extended to the sky, exactly as what Kazumi had shown. Her eyes focused at the dark sky, waiting for that lightning that she expected to come. Her teeth grit in anticipation, the seconds turned to minutes, and then the minutes turned to an hour. Azula was patient but frustration took over, her composure wavering as the sky roared with its thunder, but the lightning never came.

Azula curled her fist to the point that her nails slightly tore some parts of her palm and in frustration yelled out in frustration. Her arms flailing, her blue flames all around her, trying to quell the anger that swelled up inside the Fire Nation princess. "STRIKE ME DOWN !"

Azula yelled, but the skies refused and its refusal made the younger princess even more frustrated to the point that she went unto her knees, sobbing.

"I should be the greatest firebender...no one else !" She cried. She might not have anyone else, the the love of anyone but at least she would have the title of being the greatest, the first of Agni's blue flamed warriors. But even that could be questioned when she had found out about this woman.

Some random woman that had saved her life was stronger than her and it hurt .

Perhaps she likely is still stronger but the thought of her abilities as the greatest being questioned takes toll on what pride she had left for herself.

Kazumi looked at Azula in the distance , her eyes looking at her with pity. She quickly went to go grab a towel and came back and approached Azula, the young teenager unaware that Kazumi approached her.

It was only when Kazumi laid her hand on her shoulder that Azula flinched away from her. "Don't touch me..." she says, putting her right hand on her left shoulder as if shielding herself from Kazumi. "It makes me uncomfortable..."

But it didn't deter Kazumi as she offered her hand. "But you're going to get sick, Azula. It will not do good for you to remain here." Kazumi said as she offered her hand. Azula stared at her offered hand before she look back at the beautiful woman, her golden eyes staring right at her gray ones.

The confusion on Azula's face is really shown, the woman could be so doting, her voice soft, the way her eyes looked at her, it made her small and vulnerable. But yet her presence is overwhelming at the same time ...

For a few moments she paused but eventually Azula took her hand as Kazumi gently led her back to her to the house , putting the towel she had brought to help dry Azula off . The warm candles already prepared, freshened up for them to be warmed from the rain.

Azula felt small, whatever power she felt like she had was gone completely. Her mental health was deteriorating even further, her night sleep was non-existent, it was just her memories of failure and her experience at the asylum that dominated her thoughts. And now, even the title of being the greatest firebender to have ever been born is questionable.

She felt like her whole life is a lie, and reality was there to spit the truth in her face .

Kazumi sets up the table and cushion to try and make things a bit more comfortable , but when she looked back at Azula, she saw her just slumped against the wall, devoid of any spirit .

The older woman sighs in sadness , when Azula first spoke to her, to her spirit still had at least some hope , though a bit broken, the fire within her was still there. Just waiting to be ignited once again, but day after day that spirit becomes weaker and weaker until in the end it might have puffed out.

She should have known, knowing she had been in that same slump herself so many years ago .

When she had committed the greatest sin a mother could have done, letting her moment of weakness take hold of her and that costed her the one thing that she had held more precious to her than life itself .

The older woman dressed herself up first and then approached the younger princess. "Azula, why were you outside under the rain ?" Kazumi asked, her voice was doting, like as if a mother consoling her own child, and to her it felt like it. Something that she wanted to have so much.

Azula looked at Kazumi, her golden eyes scanning the older woman's face. Perhaps her pride doesn't belong in the world anymore. She had grown up to be the perfect soldier. The perfect princess that she is meant to be. The fire sages were in awe of her power when she had demonstrated her blue flames, thinking that the world would kneel before her in a few years time.

But here she is now, a broken girl with nothing to turn to. Though her family's betrayal hurt, never experiencing love, or loyalty, she could have accepted that. At least she would have kept the title of being the greatest firebender in history, something to take pride on, but even that was denied when she had met the woman in front of her.

"I wanted to do what you did..." Azula answered .

"Why would you practice under the pouring rain then?" Kazumi asked.

Azula chuckled. "Isn't it obvious ? It's me being delusional thinking lightning will come down from sky and strike me. I know you're not willing to bend for me." She said, standing up. "It might be trivial to you, but to me learning it is very important to me...my talents as a bender are all I have left . When all that I know had left me." She say, threatening to leave the conversation as she opened the door, the crib in the room greeting her once again.

Kazumi sighs. "Whatever it is-"

Azula then interrupts "Don't lecture me ! I know what I want ! And I-" Azula stopped herself, she wanted to take it back, she wanted to go back. "I just want to forget..."

" Forget what Azula ? " Kazumi pressed .

" E-Everything ... I just want to forget everything ! " Azula shouts as tears started to fall from her eyes and onto the floor " Mother ... my family ... my friends ... I just want to forget everything ! "

Azula couldn't take it anymore . The nightmares . The memories . The betrayal . The humiliation . The pain . They were all too much to bear .

She just wanted to forget everything ... even herself .

Kazumi looked at the girl with sympathy , she knows how Azula is feeling , how she wishes to just forget everything including her pain ... she had once wished the same thing as well .

Because she knows just how painful it is to remember all the pain ...

Kazumi moves closer and gently places her hand on Azula's shoulder , making the young girl look up at her in surprise .

" I understand how you feel Azula ... I know your pain-"

" You don't know me ! You can't possibly understand what I've been through ! " Azula shouts back , but it comes off as more broken than angry . With tears falling down her face .

"... You're right . I don't know what you've been through ... at least not exactly the same " Kazumi started slowly " But I do know how it feels like Azula ... to lose everything that was important to you and you once held close ..."

" Everything that truly mattered at least , correct ? "

Kazumi's words struck a cord in Azula and she was starting to shake at the woman's words .

" Y-You don't-" Azula tried to say but was cut off .

" I understand how it feels like ... to lose everything you cared about and it hurts so badly that you just want to forget all the pain you feel ... " Kazumi says as she moves closer to the girl .

" But I know from experience that forgetting doesn't help , it doesn't heal your pain or change what happened in the past . It will always be there ... somehow ... somewhere hiding in the darkness ... just waiting to pounce and tear you apart ..." Kazumi said , Azula on the brink of full blown crying at this point " But how we choose to handle that pain decides whether we are ready when that pain comes back to haunt us ... and whether we can overcome it "

Azula was shaking at this point , tears started to fall freely from her eyes .

Azula tried to cover her face with her hands to try and stop the tears from falling , she was not going to have a breakdown in front Kazumi !

She wasn't ! She-

She couldn't stop the tears from falling .

Kazumi could not just stand by and watch Azula sob quietly " Come here Azula ..."

Without another thought Kazumi pulled Azula into a hug , similar to the one she gave her the night before .

Azula didn't bother to try and fight it , if anything she latched onto Kazumi , holding onto her like a lifeline .

" Its going to be okay Azula ... its okay to be going okay ..." Kazumi whispered into Azula's ear as she sobbed over Kazumi's shoulder .

Azula wasn't sure whether that was true . But at the moment she really didn't care .

She just really needed let out all her pain at the moment .

Okay , now a quick note before I fully end this chapter . I should let you all know that I will be updating this fic at irregular times , since I have just started college and I already have another fic in the works right now .

I'll try to update this story as often as possible , but I can make no promises .

Angel Out .