Okay , you all have no idea how long I've wanted to get to this chapter .I give my props to HammerTide for initially giving me the idea of the whole broken crown thing in the first place which I do appreciate . It really saves me time then having to come up with my own .
Big thanks to HammerTide himself for beta reading this chapter and providing important feedback and suggestions .
I really hope I was able to capture the emotion and feels in this chapter , it was not easy to do . Since I will admit that getting characters emotions just right is always a difficult thing to do and its always just a gamble when you're playing with characters like Azula . Nonetheless I hope you all have been enjoying her character dev up to this point in time and things are going to be getting very interesting soon .
I'll be honest the whole beginning scene with Azula and Kazumi as a whole were a pain to write cause I was constantly revamping the scene itself and trying to get the right amount of emotion and care in without going overboard and blowing it all in a single chapter but I think it came out okay .
Now one other thing I wanted to make clear to everyone , HammerTide actually pointed out in last chapters review that Kazumi actually broke her vow to only use her bending for self defense but in the last chapter she used it out of anger . This was actually an oversight on my part since I completely forgot about Kazumi saying that stuff . Just wanted to make that perfectly clear .
Now about this chapter , we'll be getting into some very interesting and somewhat heavy stuff for today . Particularly handling the aftermath of last chapter's incident and of course , the newly found clues pertaining to Azula's whereabouts .
I think that's enough chapter teasing for now , so let's just get right into it !
Azula didn't sleep too well last night .
Granted she rarely slept well at night . Her brilliant doctors back at the asylum had once explained her that she hadn't developed a sleep disorder , but rather her lack of peaceful sleep had in fact been a cause of her frequent hallucinations of her mother along with night terrors and her own paranoia that had caused such a problem to occur .
Yeah , Azula wished she could have incinerated that doctor . She could have told him that long ago .
Azula opened her eyes to see the sun had already risen once again . She didn't have another nightmare last night but she still couldn't particularly peacefully , even after being lulled to sleep by Kazumi . Though she vividly remembers crying herself to sleep last night , which did not make her very happy over the fact that she was back to crying herself to unconsciousness . It was almost as bad like when she was still imprisoned in that hellhole of an asylum where the doctors and nurses would frequently drug her to sleep .
It was still morning by her best guess and Kazumi would probably expect to see her . But Azula honestly couldn't even work up the strength to get out of bed to even eat a little .
It was this feeling that reminded her of her early days back at the asylum , how she flat out refused to eat either out of spite or general lack of care for her body , how she used to be tied down to her bed as the nurses forced her to eat that sludge that could barely be called food .
Her stomach growled a little at that , knowing fully that she hadn't eaten since yesterday but she could take it , she had endured far worse .
Azula thought about yesterday , how she had a mix of both an episode and a hallucination packed into one . And lashed out like a dog a rabid dog at Kazumi . It was only because of the woman's innate talent and skill that Azula hadn't turned her to ashes . Then again , she's certain that anybody with presence of a rational mind could beat her since her movements and finesse were equal to that of a rabid dog .
Azula hated that feeling . She hated her episodes . She hated the hallucinations . She hated the ghosts of her mother that just wouldn't leave her alone .
And most of all ...she hated this void feeling in her heart .
This feeling that made her feel worthless , like she was just a tool that could be thrown away as soon as it completed its intended purpose ...Agni knows she was that for her father .
She hated that feeling because it also reminded her of her Agni Kai with Zuko . How she had been utterly beaten and humiliated by both him and that damn waterbender girl . Chained down like an animal lashing out at its betters .
Azula curled in on herself on the bed , hoping that the memories would go away if she just closed her eyes .
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It was not even long after Azula closed her eyes and utterly failed to fall asleep that she heard knocking on her door .
" Azula ? Are you there ? " Kazumi's voice came through the door but Azula couldn't even rustle up the strength to answer " Can I come in ? " At least Kazumi had the decency to ask before entering . Not like she even needed to since it was her house .
Azula couldn't even find her own voice to answer ,but instead curled up on her side and refused to even look at the door as the knocking continued .
It continued for about another minute or two before Kazumi spoke again " Azula ... I'm coming in "
Azula wanted to shout , she wanted to scream at Kazumi to leave her alone ... but she was so exhausted that her own throat couldn't even form the words to say them and they would only come out weak and pathetic if she tried .
She heard the door to the room open and Kazumi walk in , closing the door behind her .
" Azula ... are you okay ? " Kazumi asked quietly again .
No Kazumi , I'm the furthest thing from okay .
Azula couldn't even speak her own thoughts , all she could was lay and look pathetic for Kazumi ...
Kazumi looked at the young girl curled up on the bed sadly , she knew that Azula had taken yesterday hard but ... she had hoped that perhaps Azula would have recovered a little .
Then again she has to accept that seeing the ghost of your mother who had wanted you dead before you even were born wasn't exactly something you get over so easily . Agni knows Kazumi didn't move on her grief that quickly .
Kazumi let out a brief sigh as she sat on the bed and gently nudged Azula's arm which made the princess flinch a little at the contact .
" Azula please ... talk to me ..."
" I don't want to talk ...just leave me alone " Azula curled more in on herself .
" Azula plea-"
" I said I don't want to just ..." Azula voice rose a little but it came out broken more than threatening " Leave me alone ... please ..."
Kazumi didn't speak after that , Azula had hoped that she finally managed to get the older woman to leave her alone .
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" I know how it feels you know ..." Kazumi suddenly said out of the blue which made Azula nudge her head back at Kazumi a little .
" I know how it feels like to feel like you have a void of sadness in your heart ... and you want to push everybody out and be by yourself , hoping that the void will go away in time ..." Kazumi gently shook her head " But it never really does ... not like that at least "
" Being alone and pushing people away is not the answer when you're trying to deal with that void and unending sadness in your heart ... " Kazumi spoke with gentleness in her tone " And I know from experience that being with people and talking to them actually helps so ..."
" Please talk to me Azula ..." Kazumi said in practically a begging tone .
Azula didn't answer her , but rather she suddenly found herself sitting up straight and moving to sit next to Kazumi on the bed .
She didn't know why but she found Kazumi's words hitting her hard and true .
It wasn't like she had much else to do .
Kazumi was at first surprised by Azula's actions as well , but was relived that the young girl actually moved a little . Though looking at Azula now , it didn't take a genius to figure out that she hadn't slept particularly well . Her hair was disheveled , eyes red from crying all night and her clothes which were still from yesterday were still a mess .
Azula was fully aware of this too . She didn't have to look in the mirror to figure she looked just as crazy as she did back at the asylum or when she was having her mental breakdown back at the palace .
Neither Kazumi or Azula spoke right away , both of them just letting the silence overtake them for a moment .
" I was never good enough for her you know ..." Azula suddenly spoke out of the blue .
Kazumi looked at Azula surprised , and the young girl quickly elaborated on what she meant .
" I was never good enough for my mother ... she never wanted me ...she only ever wanted a kind , compassionate and just little girl ... and instead she got stuck with a little monster that resembled too much the monster she married " Azula takes a light jab at her father before continuing " She only cared for my brother who was too foolishly naive for his own good ..."
" It didn't matter what I did or tried , she would always scold me and tell me to go away . Even when I tried to impress her , she never cared to notice , all she cared about was comforting my poor brother who would always whine and complain about not being to do what I could ! " Azula shouted , anger starting to build up " She was always there for him but not for , she was never there for the little monster in the family "
" Why !? Why wasn't I enough for her ?! I did everything and she ... she ..." Azula died down as the pain started to get more intense , it almost felt like her heart was about to give up from all the pain and sadness it was forced to endure .
" Was I really that much of a monster ... that she never cared to even try to save me from becoming one ? "Azula asked quietly , trying to keep herself from crying all over again .
" Azula ... you are not a monster " Kazumi says with both firmness and gentleness at the same time .
Azula was a fool for almost wanting to believe that . She knew better than that .
"And if your mother is that closed , then that's her own problem . A mother should never favor a child over the other regardless of circumstance. She is a fool in my eyes " Kazumi says in a calm tone , but there was a layer of anger underneath it .
"Exactly ! You understand me Kazumi ! Finally, someone understands me ... " Azula says out of impulse , a brief feeling of satisfaction of hearing somebody criticize her mother . Before it faded just as quickly into nothing .
" I won't pretend that I fully understand what you've been through Azula ... but I do understand the pain of losing something important to you ..." Kazumi said in a sad tone " I can't say I know what it feels like to have your parent favor your sibling over you ..."
Kazumi didn't have any siblings to speak of . And her mother had always been nothing but kind to her when she was still around .
" Father favored me over my brother ... so maybe it was fitting in a sense ..." Azula said offhandedly .
" From what you've told me Azula , I don't think being 'favored' by your father can be considered a good thing " Kazumi mused and Azula couldn't deny that.
Father had only ever treated her like a tool , plain and simple , and once she had fully exceeded her usefulness he had thrown her away like common trash .
Just like everybody else .
" Perhaps that's true ... but mother never fought for me like she did for my brother , she was never there , she-! "
Azula stopped when she realized that Kazumi's hand had moved over hand and was holding it in a comforting gesture .
Azula didn't immediately move away , but maybe she should have .
" ...Forget it ..." Azula was quite frankly too exhausted and thirsty to rant anymore about her mother .
" If you don't want to talk about your mother Azula then I don't blame you ..." Kazumi spoke in a soft tone " But please at least eat a little ..."
Azula's stomach growled loudly as if betraying her intention of just wanting to rot in her room .
Azula looked into Kazumi's eyes and she knew that the woman wasn't going to leave until she ate a little .
" ...Fine ..." Azula sighed as she got up with Kazumi's help and walked out of the room with her .
Kazumi gave a small smile at that , at least Azula was eating again ...
It was about an hour and two later , and Kazumi decided to take a short walk outside of her house to get some fresh air . She walked to the lake and took a seat by it . Tira and Serenity came around and comforted her a bit with their cute hums .
" There , there ... I'm here ..." Kazumi spoke in a soft tone , but her heart still felt heavy from the events of yesterday .
Breakfast had been a relatively quiet affair , with Azula barely speaking more than a few words at a time . Kazumi was at least glad that she had managed to get the girl to agree to come to lunch and dinner , but beyond that it seems that Azula still wanted some time alone and Kazumi didn't want to force the poor girl to get out of the room unless it was of her own freewill .
She supposes that they won't be practicing swordsmanship for a while ...
Kazumi was at a lost for how to help the poor girl she had taken in 2 months ago ...
Azula didn't seem crazy to Kazumi . In fact , just a few days prior she seemed to be quite sane or at least have a better presence of mind than she did when Kazumi first took her in .
But the girl seemed to be haunted by her past and memories , ghosts and voices of her mother that won't leave her alone ... Azula is being attacked by these ghosts and voices and Kazumi doesn't know what to do to help her .
And the worse part is ... Azula is fully aware that all of her hallucinations and voices aren't real .
But Kazumi knew from experience that knowing and fully believing something are two very different things . And the problem was that Azula believed that whatever ghosts and voices she saw and heard were true .
Kazumi looked at her left hand in deep thought .
Perhaps it would just be easier to erase her -
Kazumi practically slapped herself in the face for even having just a thought .
No . That was a pointless fantasy , an easy way out . And it wouldn't help Azula at all in the long term , at some point or another the ghosts and voices would come back and it would just hit her even harder than how she's feeling right now .
Kazumi thought to herself ... but she was still uncertain over how to help the girl in her care .
Kazumi looked up to the sky as she saw the clouds turn dark and she heard the first booms of thunder indicating that rain was coming soon .
Kazumi quickly stood up and dusted off her dress , patting Serenity and Tira along the way " Come on , you two , get back to your shelter "
The two animals let out sounds that could have equaled to disappointment before wordlessly going to their respective shelter from the rain . Kazumi had built a small shelter for the two of them in the case of rain because she couldn't reasonably let them into the house even if she tried . And she had in fact tried once when she had first taken in both Tira and Serenity .
Kazumi herself quickly got into the house just as the first raindrops started to fall from the sky , Kazumi watch as the rain started to pour over the Forgetful Forest , as if the heavens themselves were weeping for all the souls that had been lost here .
But Kazumi knew that the heavens never weep for those who suffer . They never did for her .
Zuko typically didn't have a lot of free time to himself , with his duties of being the Fire Lord taking up the bulk of most of his days . But one thing that Zuko was still appreciative of was that he was still able to sometimes eat with his family .
Zuko smiled at the scene before him , Kiyi was happily telling mother and Ikem stories about playing with the turtleducks and how fun and cute they were . The two adults just smiling at their daughter's energy Mai was seated right next to him , very quietly just eating her food while nodding along to the conversation before her .
" The turtleducks are so cute mom ! They are so warm and fluffy and and ..." Kiyi was almost out of breath from explaining , which caused Ursa to tell her to slow down a bit . Zuko couldn't help but smile at that , he can't help but think he was just like that when he was Kiyi's age .
" You know , Zuko liked to play with the turtleducks too " Mai suddenly said out of the blue , which caused Zuko to look at his girlfriend in surprise .
" Really ? That's great , you can play with the me and the ducks too ! " Kiyi says excitedly and Zuko can swear that he can see Mai's smirk a little .
" Your brother is very busy most days Kiyi ..." Ursa says gently trying to let her daughter down gently . She knew full well how important the duties of the Fire Lord were , especially during a time like this .
"Awww ... but I wanted to play with Zuzu ..." Kiyi says disappointedly .
Zuko could practically feel Mai tense up next to him . It was similar to his own reaction when he had first hear Kiyi call him that .
The same nickname that Azula used to call him .
" ...Yes , she calls me that too " Zuko said , Mai not even having to speak to understand her feelings . You don't become Mai's boyfriend without learning how to read her silent expressions well .
" I have to admit it sounds a lot nicer coming from her than Azula " Mai says offhandedly , practically stabbing her fork into a piece of meat .
Zuko looked downcast at that . He had said the same thing when Kiyi first called him that , but he didn't want to do that to either Kiyi or Azula .
He didn't want to to compare the two in any way .
Zuko tried to think of what to say next " Mai , I-"
" Fire Lord Zuko ! You have an urgent message ! " All of a sudden the door to the dining room bursts open and runs in a servant who looked quite frantic . This sudden intrusion made almost everybody jump , including Ty Lee and Suki who were also in the room . Mai almost looked to have thrown her knife at the man before Zuko stopped her .
Zuko stood up and glowered at the man " What is the meaning of this intrusion ? Can you not see that I am having a meal with my family ? "
The servant instinctively bowed as low as he could towards Zuko " My sincerest apologies Fire Lord Zuko , I am sorry to have interrupted your meal but ..." The man stammered looking nervous about what he was about to say .
" But what ? " Zuko asked , his patience wearing thin .
" We have received word from the team sent to retrieve Princess Azula ..."
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For what was probably a minute but what felt like hours , the entire room was silent . Kiyi was looking at everyone , confused by the sudden silence .
Zuko coughed into his hand , to try and dispel some of the tension " Perhaps we should have this discussion somewhere more private ..."
" Agreed " Mai nodded , getting up from the table . Gesturing to Suki and Ty Lee to follow .
" I'll come to " Ursa said getting up from the table .
" Mother , you don't have to-" Zuko was about to argue but his mother threw him a look that made him understand that she had to come .
" Excuse us ..." Zuko respectfully bowed before leaving the room with the others to follow the servant .
The small group wordlessly followed the servant to Zuko's office , where Zuko saw that one of his captains , Rei , if he recalls her name was waiting .
" Captain Rei , you sent for me ? " Zuko spoke as he and the rest came into the office .
" Yes , my liege , we have received a messenger hawk from the team dispatched to find Princess Azula ..." Captain Rei calmly said as she took out a scroll and handed it to Zuko " And they sent this "
Zuko unrolled the scroll as he began to read its contents , Mai , his mother and the others leaning in to see the message as well . The message was short and not very long , but it got its point across .
Fire Lord Zuko , my ruler .
After searching the Forgetful Valley for the past two months and finding no trace of the whereabouts of Princess Azula , we believe that we have finally found a clue to her whereabouts or at least her current status . And we have good reason to believe that she is still alive , as we have found some traces of her personal affects during our lengthy search .
I have attached our most recent clue to this message , because I believe that it should be in your possession again my Lord . We found it deep in the Forest , so we believe that the Princess is still alive if nothing else .
Rest assured , that we will not fail in our task to locate Princess Azula .
Captain Shin .
The message ends there and Zuko could not help but feel a tinge of happiness that there has finally been some progress in the search for his lost sister .
" That is not all my lord , this was also sent here via the messenger hawk " Captain Rei then handed him something that had been wrapped in a white cloth . Seemingly to help preserve the evidence .
Zuko took it carefully and unfurled it ... and looked in shock at what it was .
A broken crown . Snapped in two .
" This is ... "
" Azula's crown ..." Ursa said in shock " I gave it to her for her seventh birthday ..."
" Mother ..." Zuko handed his mother the broken crown and Ursa looked at the broken gift in sadness .
" This proves that Azula is still alive ... if they found that thing that far into the forest that she's gotta be " Mai mused " That is not good ..."
Zuko looked at his girlfriend in shock .
" I mean , that she's still running around unsupervised " Mai corrected " I don't like the idea of Azula running around free to do whatever she wants without any of us knowing what she could be doing . She's dangerous , she needs to be locked up "
" I agree " Suki nodded .
" Mai ..." Zuko gave his girlfriend a look .
" What ? You know I'm right Zuko , she needs to be-"
" Do we need to have this conversation in front of my mother ? " Zuko cut her off , looking at his mother who was still looking at the broken crown in sadness.
The sight of it seemed to shut Mai up.
" Its okay ... I'll go ..." Ursa said before she started walking to the exit .
" Mother wait -" Zuko wanted to stop her , but she was already out the door taking the broken crown with her .
Zuko gestured to Ty Lee to follow her , which the acrobat nodded and quickly followed after his mother .
Silence plagued the room as Captain Rei stood there awkwardly looking between her lord and his girlfriend .
" You may be dismissed captain " Zuko quietly said , realizing how awkward the situation must be for her .
Captain Rei bowed before leaving the room quickly .
" ... You know Mai's right Zuko ..." Suki said after a while "Azula was dangerous enough when she was sane . Now she's more of a loose canon that's impossible to predict what she's going to do next . She could be out there rounding up supporters to overthrow you for all we know "
" Suki ..." Zuko gave the Kyoshi Warrior a look .
Suki gave him a sympathetic look at least , she let out a sigh " I know that she's your sister Zuko ... but she's done terrible things ... she locked me and my sisters in prison for spirits sake , she needs to be put away "
Zuko could see the slight tension in Mai , as he tried to reach out to her " Mai ..."
" I'm going back Zuko , see you later " Mai said before she left the room without another word .
Suki look at the disappearing Mai and then back Zuko , maybe it really hadn't been a good idea to bring this up now .
" ... Just give it some thought , okay Zuko ? " Suki gave him a pat on the shoulder , before leaving the room too .
Zuko was left alone to his own thoughts , eventually he sat down in his chair .
Honestly he wasn't sure whether his sister being alive could be considered good news to anyone but himself and his mother .
Zuko let out a sigh , he needed to find his mother first .
Ursa had fled to one of the more isolated sections of the palace , carrying the last piece of her daughter with her .
The last thing she had ever given to her .
Ursa sat on her knees in the middle of a quiet room , it was one of the private indoor dueling/training rooms that Ozai had installed in the palace so that he could still train even while it was raining .
But she also knew that Azula used to use this room as well .
Though she can't even remember a single memory of it , she had never payed attention to her daughter whenever she was training or trying to impress , always more focused on taking care of Zuko than caring for her younger daughter .
She was never there for her . Never there like she was for Zuko .
" ...Are you okay ? " A quiet familiar voice spoke up and Ursa turned to see Ty Lee standing next to her , looking down at her with sympathy .
Ursa knew there was no point in lying , it wasn't her specialty " ...No " She said after a moment .
" Do you ... mind if I sit with you ? " Ty Lee gently asked " Zuko asked me to follow you and-"
" Its okay , you can ..." Ursa nodded and Ty Lee sat down next to her .
Ty Lee was a childhood of Azula . Ursa wasn't unfamiliar with the girl . She had at least learned the acrobatic girl's name back when she was still living at the palace and still somewhat remembered her after she regained her memories . The enthusiastic girl had grown into a fine young woman if Ursa could say so.
" She kept it you know ..." Ty Lee suddenly said out of the blue .
" Huh ? " Ursa looked at the acrobat in surprise .
" She still held onto that crown that you gave her even after you left , I noticed it when I saw her again ..." Ty Lee smiled sadly " She still held onto that gift you gave her through the years ..."
Out of some scarce love she may have still had for me ...
Ursa thought pathetically to try and comfort herself ...
And its broken now ...
And not just broken ...
Ursa had noticed it when she first took it from Zuko ... the faint scorch marks of fire on the broken crown ...
Azula had broken it in two .
And any love she may have still had for me was gone with it .
Tears started to well up in Ursa's eyess as she started to sob over the fragmented relationship she had- no , never had with her daughter .
" Mother ! " She heard Zuko's voice come from behind her , but she didn't even turn , she just kept on crying .
She didn't even register right away until he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a hug as she continued to cry .
She may have her relationship with Kiyi ... but whatever relationship she still could have had with with her first daughter may well be lost .
And that is the end of the chapter , oh my god , you all have no idea how hard it was to write this chapter . It was very difficult to get the emotions of the character and I just wanted to make them all feel realistic if you all catch my meaning . Probably didn't fully capture that with Azula , but I hope this chapter was enjoyable to you all if nothing else .
Now I don't have much else to say , but I will tease that the next chapter may or may not focus exclusively on the Royal Fire Nation family and we probably won't be seeing Azula and Kazumi next chapter . But there will be some very important stuff and foreshadowing happening in the next chapter , so stay tuned to see it !
With that said , that's all from me .
Angel Out .