This was originally supposed to centre around lowkey 117's request about Siegrain being underage and explaining it to the Magic Council when he's offered a drink. If you are reading this, I will write you a proper request. This is...my wild imagination.
Idk what my mind was thinking turning this into a multi-chaptered fic on Jellal and Erza's forced marriage pre-Tower of Heaven arc.
Unfortunately, if it's me, I'll find a way to have them married in any universe.
Promiscuous Polygamous Siegrain
Chapter 1: Gathering of Drunks
A night of fine wine and luxurious dining engenders a celebration with drunks.
With Wizard Saints.
Along with the unreliable fellow councillors. Some of them observe the Wizard Saints in distaste, while the others admire them.
But the worst of them all gathered here today? Crawford.
No, maybe Makarov.
Siegrain cannot tell which sight is worse: Crawford with his three wives or Makarov bringing along Mirajane and Laxus.
Everyone was allowed to bring their plus one to this party, but them?
Plus three and plus two.
Instructions unclear.
They could at least brought Erza—that would make his night much more entertaining.
Ultear notices Siegrain's hard stare and smiles. "Seconds thoughts for the runaway girl? Are you interested in her best friend now?"
Best friend. An interesting word choice for Mirajane Strauss and Erza Scarlet.
Siegrain's eyes narrow at her. "You can do without the commentary, Ultear."
"As you wish, Master Siegrain."
He remains unfazed as Ultear purposely brushes past him, inviting all the Wizard Saints to greet the councillors.
Siegrain cannot tell who has the honour of meeting who. Especially when the wives of the old council members kiss his cheeks senselessly.
Is he being commemorated as a Wizard Saint or councillor? Is he more one role than the other?
Gah, being overaccomplished can be tiring even for someone with a brain like his.
Mirajane smiles when she approaches Siegrain after the commotion with the greeting and offers him a napkin.
"Thank you," he says, taking the material from her hand and dabbing it over his lipstick-stained cheeks.
"It must be hard to be so famous and handsome." She cheerfully says, almost like a complete lunatic would. Unmoving and awfully observant.
Still, he can sense the malice underneath her angelic voice. "You must be Erza Scarlet's friend."
"Oh, so you know the woman that captures all the hearts in Fiore?"
Siegrain laughs. "Surely that's a stretch."
"Oh? She seems to have your attention."
Did Erza ever talk about him…?
"What makes you think that?"
"Makarov seems to have many plans for you. He says when you both met it was love at first sight."
Siegrain glances at Makarov, who is happily chatting away.
Did he just call Erza-pinning-him-down-with-a-sword-and-trying-to-kill-him-while-scribbling-an-apology-letter-that-looks-like-she-wants-to-fight ROMANTIC?
"I'm sure Erza can spare the details of how loving our encounter was."
Mirajane huffs, "She didn't even spare me a whiff. I think she's embarrassed, and that means she's in love. That's why she deliberately took a job to avoid coming here."
"That sounds like she hates me."
"But Erza is confrontational to the people she hates. You just don't understand. I'm the replacement for Erza tonight, or else she was supposed to charm you tonight so that she could gain some sympathy towards our guild so you could show an incentive and–"
"Hold on," Siegrain says, trying to make sense of the situation. "You want me to have an incentive for Fairy Tail?"
"…yes?" Mirajane croaks awkwardly.
"At this rate, the Magic Council will be convinced that I've gone mad. I support Fairy Tail as it is. I have no further need to help a guild on the verge of disbanding."
"That's no way to help your future bride's guild."
Siegrain has half a mind to leave the event. "Future bride? Who thinks I have any affection for that reckless woman?"
"I do." Mirajane nods cheerfully.
"Hey geezer," they hear Laxus say as he points to Mirajane. "Tell her to stop bothering the councilman. We wouldn't want him on our bad side, now would we?"
Makarov sighs, "I suppose your effort to convince him was in vain. Come on Mira, let's bother Yajima."
Good. They were going to bother somebody else.
His peace never lasts for long, though.
"You know," a voice started fall too close to Siegrain's ear. "I wouldn't mind a second husband."
I'm going to kill all of Crawford's wives.
"I'm not looking for a wife." Siegrain says, backing away carefully.
The oldest of Crawford's wives, Siegrain notes, clasps her hands together. "That's no way for a man to reject a woman. Does the idea of Crawford as my husband make you jealous?"
Siegrain smiles as politely as he can. "I assure you I am not jealous. Please, keep him for yourself."
Ultear comes back to Siegrain's side and puts a hand on the wife's muscular shoulder. "Let me introduce you to more experienced men. I heard that Fairy Tail member is quite the charmer."
The wife gleefully follows Ultear, and Siegrain has to wonder what point is Ultear trying to make about him by pointing out that Laxus is a womanizer.
A delusional guild master with a barmaid and womanizer.
How wonderful.
The last person who approaches Siegrain is Crawford himself before everyone is seated down for dinner.
"I see my wives are well-acquainted with you," Crawford starts, with a seemingly evil chuckle.
"Yes, they certainly are a handful."
Crawford chuckles again. It is outright evil. Siegrain may be a cult leader, but he knows when to stop and cue the evil laughter.
"If there is a joke, I fail to see it. Would you enlighten me?"
"Oh Siegrain, my boy. I only laugh because no matter how handsome and popular you may be, you are unsuccessful in life."
Unsuccessful by means of not reviving Zeref, sure. Though, Crawford does not know that.
Crawford continues after heinously studying Siegrain's unmoving countenance. "You see, success as a human being is defined as reproductive success. As long as more of my offspring survive, you will have a lower fitness, and therefore, you will be less successful than me."
"So you got married to three women to have as many children as possible?"
Crawford nods, as though he is proud of it. As though Siegrain will be brimming with jealousy and rage at the thought of not having as many children as Crawford.
"Congratulations, Chairman Crawford. Dare I say you accomplished absolutely nothing."
"I see. You don't value the evolutionary definition of success, do you, Siegrain?"
"Not at all. I do think it is time for dinner, chairman. Think of success as your ability to hold out this long in waiting to eat. Off you go."
With a very harsh but friendly looking slap to Crawford's shoulders, Siegrain sends him away to make the announcement and takes a seat at the dining table, where to his left is Makarov, to his right is Belno, and in front of him in Jura Neekis.
Jura is the only space of sanity surrounding him, as Makarov has gotten himself drunk before the dinner.
Well, Belno is not too bad, either.
"Siegrain ma boy…" Makarov slurs, banging the bottle of wine on the table. "Have some wine, will ya?"
Siegrain crosses his arms, as though the suggestion is very serious. "I am nineteen, and therefore, underage. What kind of councillor would I be if I didn't abide by such simple laws?"
Everyone's ears pique at the news. Belno drops her glass upon hearing Siegrain, and nothing is louder than the sound of the glass shattering on the floor.
"I don't feel so well. Yer nineteen?" Makarov says, holding a hand to his mouth. His face turns green, and Siegrain simply puts a napkin in front of Makarov.
Jura sighs, "You became a councillor when exactly?"
"I was sixteen." Siegrain affirms, causing more gasps to erupt the room.
"Way back when, you were a councillor when I had hair!" Jura exclaims. "How nice it must have felt when I used to have hair back in the day."
Siegrain raises an eyebrow. "I thought you were rather young too, Jura."
"Oh nonsense, I'm twenty-three. I started balding at the tender age of seventeen."
Siegrain would like to say that premature balding was a sign for concern.
But does anyone care about themselves at this point?
The young man manages to capture the attention of the four non-human Wizard Saints.
"God Serena did not hear that right. Nobody can be more talented than I." He dances to his own words, causing almost everyone to roll their eyes.
Draculo Hyberion's comment isn't any better. "Interesting, I heard that vampire blood has anti-aging effects. I assumed you were of old age but merely consumed blood to stop the effects of aging."
"Any other hypotheses?" Siegrain offers, finding the entire ordeal nothing short of amusing.
The first Wizard Saint scoffs. "You must be one of those child properties."
"Progenies," the fourth Wizard Saint, Warrod, corrects with humour. He seems to be having the time of his life watching the chaos unravel.
Siegrain expects nothing less from one of the founders of Fairy Tail. Madness must run in that guild's blood.
"Crawford," the oldest wife of the chairman caws. "Does that mean I was flirting with an underaged child?"
"Well…he's not underaged in that regard. He is over eighteen." He pauses. There is a very pregnant pause. "YOU DID WHAT?"
Crawford looks at Siegrain accusingly. The young man can only respond, "She was the perpetrator."
"You…so you are jealous that I have more wives than you? I should have known you would have tried to steal them, scoundrel!"
Before Siegrain can respond, Makarov slurs, "Quit your yapping, old timer. Sieg is going to marry our little Erza." The guild master hiccups. "Mirajane, where's the ring?"
"Right here." Mirajane casually brings it out from her gown's pocket.
A high-pitched scream pierces the air.
Crawford's youngest wife.
"You cannot marry her! I refuse to let you marry her!"
Siegrain wants to bang his head on the table. "Oh trust me, I would rather marry Erza than any of you."
"So does that mean you'll do it?" Mirajane asked, holding the velvet ring box out.
"…"
Laxus crosses his arms, occupied with Siegrain's age. "Big deal. I would've been a Wizard Saint at sixteen, easy."
The Magic Council members blinks at him. Yajima simply hums, "Maybe if you didn't have anger issues, you would become one. Not at sixteen, though. You seemed like a punk kid at the time."
Clearly someone thinks too highly of himself.
"Laxus, shut up." Makarov says, banging his fist on the table several times. "Didn't I tell you that we are in the honourary Sieg's presence? We must give him all the due respect."
That is exactly what Makarov does not do in the next moment as he covers a hand over his mouth before removing it and spluttering all the mush of alcohol and bile onto Siegrain.
Siegrain sits there for a long moment, not knowing what to do. But he starts with a, "How dare you–"
"Wonderful!" Crawford beams. He gestures his wives to look at Siegrain. "Do you now want such a sullen man? Who is dirtied by the stench of alcohol?"
Why is an old man who can technically qualify as his father—grandfather, even—having this one-sided competition with Siegrain over women?
The whole ordeal sits terribly with him.
Makarov awakens from his drowsiness and screeches at the mess he witnesses. "Who threw up on this incredible man!?"
Siegrain narrows his eyes. He coughs politely. "Pardon me, but you did."
Makarov gets out of his chair and gets on his knees in front of Siegrain. "I'm so sorry!"
He then proceeds to continuously bang his head on the white marble floor, squishing his nose constantly in the process.
He sighs; Siegrain simply wants napkins, not an apology.
Ultear approaches Siegrain after laughing at Makarov's actions and uses her Arc of Time on his suit.
Mirajane helps her guild master up, slightly bowing her head. "Oh dear, I suppose we should not further our proposition. Unless of course we dig up some secrets about you that we can use to our advantage."
"I have none." Siegrain reassures, causing Mirajane to study him more skeptically.
"Master Siegrain, are these Fairy Tail mages bothering you?" Ultear asks with a teasing smile.
"Rival of Erza's, are you?" Mirajane asks with a lilt in her voice.
Siegrain glances at Ultear. She is definitely older than him, but by how much, he does not know.
Ultear smirks. "Oh, what makes you think that? I adore that little star of yours. They call her Titania, right? A shame she could not make it."
"Just being skeptical. It's not every day you see two kids that have the Magic Council at their beck and call. You seem suspiciously close to Siegrain."
He's my pawn, Ultear thinks to herself, laughing.
Siegrain hears it through his telepathy and cannot help a chuckle. In the end, she will be manipulated for the sake of reviving Zeref.
No, everyone here will also be fooled by a supposed child.
Crawford clinks his glass with a spoon, drawing everyone's attention. "I think along with gathering you all here, we should be making some amendments to the laws existing in our magical world. We never expected such young mages to be part of our Magic Council."
Siegrain wants to ask why exactly Crawford is only pointing at him and not Ultear. Does he know Ultear is older than him?
"Handsome men cannot be allowed on the Magic Council!"
Org raises an eyebrow. "That's rather discriminatory, no?"
"I don't care." Crawford states. "I can't stand watching the kid ogle my wives."
Siegrain crosses his arms. Talking some sense into him clearly is not working. So, what else can he do but take the insult?
Mirajane smiles at him. "Our proposition to marry Erza is always open."
"No."
"A beggar can't really choose."
"I do not recall begging for a wife."
"Suit yourself." Mirajane shrugs. "Too bad Laxus doesn't have this luck with the ladies."
"I wouldn't want such luck, anyway." Laxus retorts, staring in disgust as Crawford's wives pull at each other's hair. "How the hell are they all in a polygamous relationship?"
"Beats me." Belno comments. "Ignore it. Our chairman is full of surprises."
"They are obviously in it for the money." Ultear says.
"Young lady, I'd rather not say that in their presence."
Ultear watches as they continue arguing over Siegrain. One of them has taken an interest to Laxus, still she joins the fight for Siegrain.
"This. Must. Stop!" Crawford roars, sending the room into a spiraling silence. "From now onwards, I forbid Siegrain from getting married to anyone! He may not engage in a relationship with any man, woman…animal, child."
Siegrain sighs loudly. Animal? Child?
Seriously?
Mirajane chimes in. "Is this to prevent Siegrain from engaging in polygamous relationships?"
"Exactly right, young lady!"
"Then in that case, I have a proposition." She stands up and sashays toward Crawford, giving Siegrain a mischievous smirk.
She is up to no good.
She takes her time, whispering into his ear carefully and crafting a lengthy proposition. Crawford hums in agreement occasionally, eyes widening each time she builds off her proposal.
"Young lady, you are a genius!" he exclaims, squeezing Mirajane's arms. "Council, may I have your attention?"
Makarov sinks his head down, obstructing his face from view using his hand. "I swear if she's made a fool out of us…"
Crawford waits for everyone to settle in their seats before continuing. "It has come to my attention that the only way to combat Siegrain's promiscuous behaviour is by forcing him into a monogamous marriage!"
"You…" Siegrain starts, mouth agape. "You cannot force me to get married."
"I can make a new law in order to punish promiscuous people. I call it, the Forced Marriage Program!"
Only Crawford's wives and Mirajane are seen applauding. Makarov groans, glancing at Mirajane. "This was your idea?"
"Just you wait, it gets better." Mirajane replies with a smile.
Crawford grins widely at Siegrain. "After careful consideration, the perfect candidate for Siegrain is Ezra Scarlet!"
"Erza," Mirajane corrects with a polite cough.
"Even better. Erza Scarlet!"
Siegrain stares at Crawford in horror. "No."
Makarov jumps out of his seat, pulling Siegrain into an embrace. Kissing each side of his cheek two times. "My son-in-law! Splendid choice, Chairman Crawford. Time to prepare for a wedding!"
"Makarov, this is ridiculous."
"It isn't if it's Erza. I know you two have had bad blood in the past, but you can just kiss and make up. Sound good?"
"No. Why do I not have a say in this?"
"Because it is the Forced Marriage Program." Mirajane explains.
All the Wizard Saints and councillors tentatively clink their glasses.
Crawford smirks, "Cheers to a newfound marriage! The first in the Forced Marriage Program."
Without a contract.
Without a ring.
He is supposedly married to Erza.
Just.
Wonderful.
In my Existential Crisis fic, it was implied that Crawford is polygamous, lol. If you caught onto that then props to you! It was literally one word buried in the meat of the fic. :P