Huan Strongarm: A Bartfort Folktale

by Vergil Creiger

In which a simple delivery to Holfort goes horribly horribly wrong.

20. Qelah of the Muthavi

It's curious, really, how far Huan's legend spread. The Muthavi Merchant clans still operate today out of the Galadian Archipelago, still telling stories of how they nearly fell into civil war. The ruling clan of Muthavi City was threatened with collapse when their leader, Tirasa, refused to continue his lineage following the loss of his daughter.

The tales go that his daughter returned when she was needed most, bringing with her much knowledge that brought the city to even greater heights of wealth and power. Her name was Qelah, and often she told her children of the magical hound that brought her home.

Leon never visited the Galadians and never heard this for himself, but I think it would have made him smile.

Huan Strongarm: A Bartfort Folktale, by Lufas Maphaahl

The gatekeepers weren't even surprised anymore as the giant dog tootled up, dragging an opulent carriage behind him. A new day was dawning, as Leon had once more walked the entire distance between Thasch and Holfort in a single night. As he trundled to a stop the door was flung open, allowing Sir Onemore to step out and courteously help Olivia onto the pavement.

"Urgh," she groaned. The purple mist had fucked her up something fierce, her eyes bleary and her head aching as though she were violently hungover. "Where am I? Are we… Are we back in Holfort?"

"Yep," whined Leon sympathetically. "How are you feeling?"

"Like a leprechaun spiked my drink," she grumbled. Moz recoiled as she glared at him with terrifying, bloodshot eyes.

"Wanna fluff my fur?" Leon offered. "It might help?" Olivia flopped against his side, sighing happily at his scent. Leon smelled of nature, reminding her of the few parts of the Faelands that she had regretted leaving behind.

Then Julius tumbled out of the carriage, immediately getting the attention of the guards. "Your Highness!" They bowed on their knees before him, totally missing how their loud voices upset his headache. "We were told that you would be arriving soon!"

Jilk and Chris staggered out after him: Jilk's hair stuck out wildly in all directions, and for some reason Chris had his glasses on upside down. "Why is everyone shouting?" rasped the blue haired boy, then suffered a violent coughing fit. "And why is my voice so hoarse?"

"Poison mist," explained Leon. "There was another Warmother waiting for us outside the Blood Barrier."

"Poison mist?" Olivia blinked weakly. The gatekeepers overheard this, quickly dissolving into a panic.

"Prince Julius has been poisoned!" someone screamed hysterically. "So have Master Jilk and Master Chris! They need immediate medical attention!"

The boys squawked as the guards whisked them away towards the palace, leaving only Leon, Olivia and Moz with the freezing axe still circling overhead. "Did those assholes just ditch us?" Leon demanded. "While I'm still hooked up to this fucking carriage?"

"On it," said Onemore, and began unfastening him; he took care to avoid disturbing the fairy, who was blissfully ignoring everything around her as she funnelled healing magic into her pounding skull. By the time he was finished she was feeling a little better, pulling her face from his fur so he could shove the carriage onto the side of the road.

"There. Now it's someone else's problem." He turned to Olivia, shrinking absentmindedly to the size of a regular dog. "How do you feel? Need a doctor?"

"I feel okay, actually." Olivia stretched luxuriously; she was still wearing the Blessed Surcoat they had received from Torvel, which enhanced her abilities to make healing herself a cinch. "Should I have healed the others as well?"

"Nah," he snorted. "Their parents would have insisted on rich people medical care anyway. May as well save your magic for someone who needs it." Moz caught the axe out of the air, then transformed into a bracelet with the weapon fastened securely to Leon's ankle. "Thank you."

"Shouldn't we be going?" Olivia yawned. "Unlike the two of you, I need breakfast."

"In a minute," said Leon, sniffing experimentally at the air. "Let me just check… Aha!"

He led Olivia to the docks, which weren't terribly far from their current location. A ship of unusual design was moored there, and its crew were running to and fro as they prepared for departure. At the centre of the chaos was a large man barking orders; much like the bulk of his crew, the man's hair and eyes were utterly bizarre.

Like glittering mercury.

"I've seen people like that before!" Olivia gasped. "Back at the Monastery! She was Brother Eamon's secretary… I don't think I caught her name!"

"Her name was Qelah," explained Leon. "And I promised her a favour. Can you please translate for me?"

"Sure!"

The captain bowed with perfect poise as they approached, though he didn't try to kiss Olivia's hand as a Holfort man would. "I apologise, fair lady, but I have not the time to entertain you. We must return to the Muthavi before the snow comes; we are used to warmer climates, and it would be preferable to drown in cold water than suffer a Holfort winter."

"The Muthavi," repeated Olivia. "As in the Galadian…"

"It is the crown of the Galadian Archipelago, yes!" The captain beamed with pleasure, evidently not used to his homeland being recognised. "The Muthavi have sailed to the furthest edge of the world and back!"

"We were asked to find a Muthavi captain by someone called Qelah," said Olivia, trying to remember what Leon had told her. "She needs help getting home. She said that you would know her as the daughter of Tirasa."

The captain's eyes lit up with recognition. "If I filled my ship with gold, it would still not be worth the reward I received for returning Tirasa's daughter. Where is she now?"

"Canaria Monastery."

The man cringed. "That… The Monastery lies within the Blood Barrier. It is protected by countless Orks and the White Dragon of legends. I fear it may be too dangerous to attempt."

"I can do it." The speaker was one of the crew, and had the dark skin and muscular frame of a Xek citizen. "I have a magic item that I found in a dungeon back home." He held up a small, innocuous spyglass. "I can teleport to any location I'm looking at through the lense. I can use this to bypass the Ork Hordes and exfiltrate the lady."

"Honestly: not a bad idea," admitted Leon. "If you use that thing to get to the peak of one of the surrounding mountains then you'll have a straight shot to the Monastery: there are no Orks near the summit and Pietru is out, so it could end up being way easier than it sounds."

Olivia related the information as accurately as she could, which seemed to please the Muthavi crew. "We will not forget this favour," the captain said, his crew member using the enchanted spyglass to zip away to parts unknown. "If you want a share of the reward…"

"That's quite alright," smiled Olivia. "Sister Qelah… Tirasa's daughter helped us out once. We're just returning the favour."

Leon stopped paying attention as they exchanged parting pleasantries, scratching absentmindedly at his chin with his hind leg. When they finally left the docks he felt his ears perk up at an odd noise, not immediately able to identify what it was. "Wait, was that you?"

The fairy's ears burned red. "No!"

"It was, wasn't it?" Leon began to laugh helplessly. "I… I've never heard a stomach growl like that before!"

"I'm hungry!" Olivia protested. "I haven't eaten since we left the Monastery!"

Leon chuckled, but let it go. "C'mon. Let's hit up your dad's place."

Jarl was positively thrilled to see them, wrapping his daughter in a hug and whisking her off her feet. "Livia! You're back! How was Canaria?"

"Dad! Put me down!" She was still giggling when he placed her on her feet; Leon watched from the side, his dark eyes softening as his tail thumped against the pavement. "It was great! We made friends with a dragon, we explored the inside of a sea serpent skeleton and I brought its granddaughter back from the dead!"

Jarl just smiled blankly. "…What?"

"Livia!" Leon's jaw dropped as Jarl's wife emerged from his shop, pulling the fairy into a loving embrace. She was the living definition of a Big, Beautiful Woman, with a large chest, a slight belly and muscular arms and legs. She looked suspiciously like Cattleya from Queen's Blade. "You've gotten so thin! Have you been eating?"

"It's been two days!" Olivia laughed. "Huan pulled the carriage through the night and we just got back!"

The MILF noticed him for the first time. "Oh, hello!" He could tell from how she said it that Jarl had told her his circumstances. "You must be Strongarm. It's nice to meet you."

"Hey," nodded Leon. "Whazzup." He held out his paw cutely, which she shook with a grin.

"Big sis!" A little boy who reminded him pleasantly of Colin ran out of the shop throwing his arms around Olivia's waist. "It's true! You finally escaped from your cave!"

"I like how he compares you to a troll," remarked Leon. Olivia shot him a dirty look as she scooped the boy into a hug.

"You've gotten bigger, Rana." She cuddled him like a teddy bear. Leon reminded himself to introduce her to his little brother when all this was over. "This is a friend of mine. You can call him Huan."

The boy gasped with childlike wonder. "Strongarm?"

"Is there anyone in this house who doesn't know I'm a dog?"

Rana struggled out of his sister's arms, now far more interested in the magical wolfdog. "Can I pet him? Can I pet him?" Leon made mouthy Husky noises.

"Yes," translated Olivia. "But you can't touch his ears."

Leon allowed the child to scratch his neck, his flat expression causing the fairy and her parents to fight back grins. "You're so fluffy!"

"I know."

Eventually they made it inside, where Cattleya (and yes, that was her name) threw together some breakfast for her adopted daughter. She and her husband sat around the table chatting to her while Rana continued to fuss over Leon; once it had been made clear that he didn't need food they had dug him out a large dog bed, which turned out to be shockingly comfortable. Leon rolled around in it for a while before curling up into a ball, while Rana plopped down on the floor and stroked his fur.

Side note: both Jarl and Cattleya gave great scritches.

"Well, that's quite a story." Between mouthfuls of soup and bread, Olivia had filled her family in on their trip to Canaria. She had left out any mention of the Warmothers, which Leon could understand. "Are you going to take it easy for a while?"

"Probably," she nodded. "We'll still need to find Mr Zefnat after I'm done eating, but after that we should be fine for a break. How's the shop doing?"

"Great!" Jarl beamed. "We've gotten famous for making the barricades that held back the UnFae! Business has never been better!"

"Those things were lucky I was visiting my mother," snorted Cattleya scornfully. "If I'd seen them, why, I would have dusted off my Giantslayer and cut that Queen-Mother in half like a watermelon!"

"I would have liked to see that," admitted Leon.

Rana puffed out his chest when Olivia was done translating. "She's the coolest! She used to be an adventurer! Like you!"

Jarl laughed as his wife blushed. "That's how we met, if you can believe it. She saved me from a Minotaur." Leon imagined something similar to Bell Cranel being swept off his feet by Ais Wallenstein. "I tell you, if you don't swoon after being carried bridal style out of a dungeon by a woman like her then you're a liar."

"Please," begged Cattleya, turning scarlet as Rana made teasing sounds of disgust. "Please, stop telling that story."

"We still go adventuring, sometimes," continued Jarl. "It's how we met Olivia.

Leon cocked his head curiously, ignoring Rana as he hugged his neck and nuzzled his fur. "Do tell."

Jarl didn't need Olivia's help to know what he said. "You see, last year we had a friend over and their cat basically shredded all our blankets. I'm not sure why they felt the need to bring their cat, but they're not doing it again."

"Cats are stupid!" Rana declared. "Dogs are way better!"

He tried to touch Leon's ears, only for him to lean away. "Please don't do that."

"It just so happened that a creature famous for its soft feathers had been spotted in the woods. A Grinder. It was like a six-legged gryphon… wait, that's not right. Gryphons have lion legs." He turned to his wife. "Darling, what do you call a gryphon with a horse's hindquarters?"

"A hippogriff, Owen."

"Right," he nodded. "A Grinder has four horse legs with a pair of bird legs at the front, as well as the horns of a buffalo. The feathers are legendarily soft; that dog bed is stuffed with them."

"It is pretty great," admitted Leon. "I may even keep using it after I turn back into a human."

"We faced off with it in the forest where the trees obstructed its movements, and I managed to pull it out of the sky with a net while Cattleya chopped its head off. The net was specially made to drag off the feathers, because of course they would have dissolved with the rest of it if we'd killed it first. Anyway, on the way back we made camp outside Olivia's hidey-hole and we made her laugh with our banter. The rest is history."

Leon gave Rana a curious look, then immediately sneezed in his face when he tried to touch his nose. "Did you really bring the kid all the way out there to see her?"

"He was perfectly safe!" Olivia said smugly. "Our parents can kill anything that breathes!"

They still had one more errand to do before they met up with the dingus squadron; if the sidequest hit all the same beats as in the game then the temple was their next stop, so Leon led the way. Before they said goodbye, Cattleya had pulled the fairy to one side and whispered in her ear.

"Are you okay?" Leon asked eventually. "You've been quiet."

She thought for a moment, not immediately certain how to express what she was feeling. "Huan, I… Does it bother you that I haven't told you why I left the Faelands?"

"No," he said flatly. "When we first met, you said you hoped that you'd never go back. If there's something you left behind that you'd rather forget, then that's your business."

Olivia hunched her shoulders slightly. "So you don't think it's dishonest? Or shady?"

Evidently, this had been bothering her. "Do you know why I never tell anyone why I know the things that I do?"

She blinked. "Uh…"

"Because I just don't want to," he said flatly. "I'm not a hypocrite, and I'm perfectly aware of what an incredibly stupid reason that is. So whatever it is that's keeping you from telling me about this: it's fine, because I guarantee you that your reason is better than mine. So stop looking guilty, you'll make the actual guilty people embarrassed."

A warm feeling bubbled up from Olivia's chest. "You're a good boy."

"That's what people tell me," he acknowledged. He stopped at the next corner. "If you ever change your mind, I'm here to listen. You know that right?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Anytime."

The second sidequest they had received from Eamon's secretaries was to track down Miala's brother; in the original game he was found much later, which was why Leon had told Miala that he didn't know for certain where he was, so the plan was to just cross his paws and hope for the best.

The guard led them in without argument: apparently word had spread that the Destroyer of UnFae had transformed into a dog and the guy was a fan. Beyond the gate were gorgeous, carefully tended gardens that gave way to a wide open courtyard, where two elderly men in clerical clothing were deep in discussion.

"See that guy on the left?" Leon nodded. "They call him Jerve the Elder; his job is to manage the initiates, like Elodach. The dude next to him is Tyraon the Wise; he works as an envoy between the temple and the palace."

Olivia nodded. "Are we going to ask them for help?"

"Nah. I was just making conversation." Leon nodded at a man in full armour as he walked past. "That's Sir Ammund, Lord of Osaan. He's one of the strongest knights in the kingdom, and he answers directly to the Hierophant. All of the other big name knights work for Roland, so he has a really high standing in… in…"

Leon's nose twitched as he caught a familiar scent. He led Olivia into the cathedral, following the trail into a side door and up a twisting staircase to a balcony overlooking the city. A man wearing the same robes as Zefnat and Elodach was sitting on a bench and reading a book; although he was shaved and tattooed just like they were, he was noticeably younger and better looking.

It took him a moment to notice them watching. "Can I help you?"

Leon had filled the fairy in on the way over. "Amas?" Olivia asked, just to be sure. "Amas the Theologian?"

"That's me, yes." He frowned and looked between them, then did a massive double take when he recognised the wolfdog. "Wait, are you…"

"It's so good to meet you!" Olivia gushed. "We just came from Canaria Monastery, and-"

"You may have heard Canaria is the centre of learning in Holfort, but do not believe a word of it," the Theologian interrupted. "The monks meddle in the affairs of gods, and all that comes of it are heretics!"

The fairy blinked, having been caught a little off guard. "That's… Okay, well…"

"I am so sorry!" Amas blushed. "That was so rude, I… what were you saying?"

The disconnect between his sudden rudeness and boyish embarrassment made her giggle; he reminded her in that moment of a bald, bipedal Leon. "Do you have a sister named Miala?"

The priest blinked, caught unprepared by the question. "How do you know… My sister Miala is dead. How is it you know her name?"

"We met her just yesterday! She is a monk of Canaria!"

Amas went mute, his jaw working soundlessly. "Canaria? She was abandoned in the woods where the monsters… Did that dickbag Elodach put you up to this?"

"God no!" Olivia blurted. "I wouldn't be caught dead with him! He's tried to assault me three times already!"

"Then how else could you… Wait, three times?"

"Once in person and twice by proxy."

Amas cocked his head, which was another tic that reminded her of Leon. "Actually, that sounds like the sort of thing he would do. But why would you know about Miala?"

Olivia looked to her companion for confirmation, getting a nod in return. "Tell him."

The Theologian listened carefully as Olivia related Miala's tale, of how they escaped the palace of Aaduk and fled to Sirune before their capture by pirates. "This story is true," he finally acknowledged. "These things happened as you described them, but I cannot go to Canaria."

Olivia's smile vanished as the temperature plummeted, causing Amas and the wolfdog to back away in primal fear. "You bigoted self-absorbed asshole," she breathed. "How dare-"

"Not because of that!" Amas said shrilly. "I am a priest of the temple!" He coughed and deepened his voice to normal levels. "I can no sooner go to Canaria than she can leave the Monastery. Priests like myself may never step foot on their shores."

Olivia frowned, but was no longer exuding menace and dread. "Well why not?"

"The monks of Canaria fear our priesthood. The Order will not allow us to visit, even as friends or brothers. They are afraid we will try to silence them as we have silenced other heresies. They, uh, might have a point." He had the good grace to cringe guiltily. "If you return to the Monastery, however, there is something you could do for me."

He reached into a pouch at his waist, reverently pulling out a necklace of beads. Each one was made of a different stone, polished to gorgeous perfection. Leon recognised it from the game: the Iomani Necklace had been the only heirloom the siblings had kept hidden from the pirates, and was immeasurably valuable.

Amas paused, feeling the weight of the necklace before he pressed it into Olivia's hands. "Give this to Miala. It once belonged to our mother, who was a counsellor to Prince Aaduk. She will remember it. Tell her… Please, tell her I'm sorry that I can't… t-that I can't…" His voice thickened as he trailed off, his eyes shimmering with emotion. "P-Please excuse me."

He hurried away, rubbing at his eyes as he choked back his sobs. Olivia clutched her hands to her chest as her heart went out to him. "That's so sad," she croaked, tears building at the corners of her eyes. "Do you think they'll ever see each other again?"

"Definitely," grunted Leon. He already knew how this ended, so he was more or less unmoved. It helped that the man had acted like he didn't exist, which had hurt his feelings a little. "Moz?"

The Comet General returned to his natural form, the freezing axe in his left hand. Olivia yelped in surprise. "Madam?" It took her a moment before she got what he meant, passing him the Iomani Necklace so he could stash it in the gem on his chest. "Thank you."

"I'll run that back to the Monastery after we've talked to Zefnat," said Leon, holding up his paw as Onemore turned back into a bracelet. "I'll be way quicker without the carriage." He butted his shoulder against her leg, allowing her to run her fingers through his fur. "Don't worry. I'll make sure they get their happy ending."

By the time they arrived at the palace, the three dunderheads had already tracked the scholar down; he was wearing a straitjacket and strapped to a chair in the same room as before, vindicating all of Leon's concerns about prioritising his cure. Roland and Mylene stood off to the side: the Queen was pinching the bridge of her nose, while the King was laughing like the asshole he was.

"What did he do this time?" Leon demanded.

"He hallucinated that you turned back into a human and ran off," explained Jilk, not bothering to wait as Olivia translated. "They found him trying to eat his own hands."

The wolfdog huffed in annoyance. "Goddamn drama queen!"

"Is this normal?" Chris asked nervously. "D-Does he do this a lot?"

"Why haven't you given him the book?" Olivia was looking at Julius as she said this. "It was in your pack!"

The Prince's face went blank until the penny dropped. "Oh yeah!" Everyone rolled their eyes as he fumbled for the Volume, especially his mother. "Here! Here it is!"

Zefnat's eyes lit up when he saw it. Leon just sighed tiredly. "Is that Volume 67 you have there? Can you please give it to me?"

"Sure, I…" Julius suddenly remembered that he was still in the straitjacket. "Should we untie him?"

"No," said Mylene firmly. "We have no idea what he'll- WILL YOU STOP LAUGHING!"

"I can't," wheezed Roland, doubled over with hilarity. "I think I just broke my funny bone!"

"Not since the Eighth Synod of Tolana has there been a complete set of this work!" Zefnat continued. Leon didn't know what a Synod was and didn't care enough to ask. "I had almost given up-"

Everyone went silent as Leon growled, instinctively backing away at the low, threatening sound. "If he doesn't tell me about this mystery cure right now…"

"Okay!" Zefnat squeaked. "It was in an ancient tome about Nature Spirits! They… They claim to be capable of the same kinds of magic as fairies!"

"So?" Leon barked.

"Nature Spirits are more common than fairies: they're natives of our world! They embody the elements, the primal forces of the universe! And I have discovered during my research that one such Spirit was married to one of the Five Adventurers!"

They all froze. They remembered the catacombs, and the secrets they had learned within. "What?"

"Specifically, she married the progenitor of the Arclight family," continued the scholar. "She was apparently descended from sirens, nereids and sea serpents, and may still be alive!" He grinned, clearly assuming that they were shocked and awed. "For you see, I have learned the ultimate secret of Canaria Monastery: that buried deep within their catacombs is none other than-"

Leon tore off before he could finish, crashing through the walls at top speed. They could see the massive dust cloud kicked up behind him, allowing them to accurately track his progress as he raced away and out through the castle gates.

"Tell us everything," said Roland. "I require ammunition with which to adequately mock him."

Side Quest: Qelah of the Muthavi

Summary: Qelah and Miala both have very simple quests to complete, essentially being 'go here and talk to that person' in nature. Qelah's is mildly harder, as the Muthavi Captain only shows up after the catacombs are cleared, but aside from that they are virtually identical. The main point of these quests is to flesh out the unseen parts of the world, which I love to this day.

The Spyglass is a Summoner in-joke: you find it lying around on the docks later in the game. It has no use and you can't sell it; presumably it was involved with a quest that got cut. Its abilities were inspired by a signature spell of Arc, protagonist of Skeleton Knight in Another World.

And yes, Cattleya is Olivia's adopted mother. If Leon ever makes her cry then she will FUCK HIM UP! For some reason my spellcheck insists that MILF is spelled with all caps; it's cool to know the inclinations of the guys who work on Google Docs. It is now my personal headcanon that Leon worked at Google in his past life.

While Jerve the Elder's job was to give you Elodach's sidequest, Tyraon and Ammund existed only to flesh out Summoner's setting. I don't know if they'll ever be important, but at least they exist just in case.