Thank you for all the comments and feedback, its all welcome.
I'm aiming for a chapter a week, but hopefully a few more when I'm off work in August.
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Chapter 2.
I awoke slowly the next morning, bleary eyed and dry mouthed, the effects of the long talk I had with Renee.
As she described to me the events of her life, and of the beginning of mine, one bottle of wine had become two, then three. It was hard for her to open up, but I could see the more she told me, the lighter she became.
Decades of secrets, heartbreak and grief finally released.
Born into a motorcycle gang called The Reapers, Renee had a difficult childhood. She told me about her mother, lost to drugs when she was sixteen years old, about her father who had too many women on the side to care, and their volatile relationship. She described her older brother, James. Once kind, but beaten down by their father, overtaken by drugs and violence.
Somehow, she had survived it all.
One night when she was sixteen, not long after her mother had died, James had a party that had quickly gotten out of hand, as they all did. She'd snuck out before any of his leering friends started knocking on her door.
That was the night she met Charlie.
They were aware of each other, as anyone in rival clubs were aware of what might become a danger to them one day. Perceiving a threat, she turned to run, but he called after her to wait and something in his voice she had said, made her stop. From that moment on, they met in secret as much as they could and when she turned eighteen, she moved in with him. Not long after, her family finally found out about the secret relationship, and she had become pregnant with me. I knew she was holding back the gory details, but I couldn't risk her shutting down by demanding more than she could give.
She told me of the clarity she finally had when she saw two little red lines. That no matter how much Charlie tried, he would never be able to protect them, and she would not have a child raised as she had been raised.
She packed a bag, grabbed the keys to Charlie's car, -she didn't have any money for her own, - and found Esther, knowing she would help. But she kept me a secret.
And then she ran.
That's when the tears started. She begged me not to go, accused me of thinking she wasn't enough and every other trick in the book. In the end, I told her I'd take a few weeks to think about it.
After hearing her story, I needed time to figure it all out.
Before I knew it, I was in an Uber, heading back to my apartment after waving Renee off at the airport. A lump had formed in my throat after saying goodbye, my eyes were constantly blinking back the tears that had been trying to escape for the past twenty-four hours.
My limbs were heavy as I dragged myself up to my third floor apartment, the tears began falling as soon as the door clicked shut.
An empty apartment greeted me. The only connection to this place I had was half-way across the country by now.
When I first moved to New York, my hope was to find a community for myself, to have friends and a family of my own making, but for all the people in this city I only made two real friends. I met Angela and Jessica on the first day of college. They helped me come out of my shell and experience everything college had to offer, but once school was over, they moved back to their hometowns in California, and I was alone again.
We stayed in touch, but it was hard to remain the same outgoing person I had become without them pushing me, so I had quickly fallen back into old habits of shyness and isolation. Growing up without any siblings and a deep sense of independence, - instilled into me by my mother, - hadn't exactly helped my social skills. My best friends as a child came from the pages of a book.
I slumped onto the couch, grabbing the photo album from my bag.
The stories Renee had told me gave me pause. I knew she wasn't exaggerating, and maybe I was too soft for the life she had as a child… but she told me things had been better according to her friend. The hope of having family out there somewhere, having a chance to be part of it, was too much to pass over.
The next week passed slowly. My eye returned to the set of keys I had hung next to my own over and over. I barely left my apartment; working from home was great until you found yourself four nights deep into the same sweatpants, and crumbs from a dinner you made on Monday in your hair.
I was sitting on the floor with my computer on the coffee table on Thursday night, contemplating the last day of classes tomorrow before summer break, and deciding if I should sign up to teach summer school classes last minute, when a video call came through.
"Hey girl!" Jess called, her face appearing seconds before Angela's did.
"What's up guys." I said, smiling for the first time all week.
"Eww, Bella I can smell you through the screen." Jess sniffed. Angela giggled, "Yeah you're looking a little… rough."
I gasped in mock shock, "Excuse me, I have showered."
"When?" They asked in unison.
"This morning." I said, not lying.
"OK, when is the last time you washed your hair then?" Angela asked.
"That's a completely different question." We all laughed. "Fine, Sunday morning."
"What's going on? Is it about your mom leaving?" Jess asked, despite all her sarcasm, she was still the most supportive person I knew.
"Yeah, that." I hesitated. "But something else happened. She finally told me about my dad."
The girls gasped, they knew how much I'd always wanted this information.
I told them all about my revelations with Renee, they asked questions, ones I had wanted to know answers to myself.
"So… what are you waiting for?" Jess said, jumping slightly in her seat. "Get yourself there, get yourself a dad and maybe a hot biker boy toy while you're at it."
"Oh my god." Angela exclaimed. "Hell yes!"
"Can you two be serious" I laughed.
"I am!" Jess cried, "You seriously hate where you are, right? Your job, apartment, life. So change it, this is perfect."
"I agree, Bella. We know you and the only reason you're sitting in your own filth-"
"Am not!" I argued.
"I can see a chip in your hair right now." She continued. "You're scared. And that's fine. But don't be stuck." Angela was always the wise one. I was silent, unable to agree or disagree, unable put into words what I felt; fear of change, fear of nothing changing, fear of rejection, fear of so many unknowns.
"Come on Bella, we know you've got it in you. I've seen you single-handedly take down a six-foot two bouncer with nothing but attitude and flexibility." Jess said.
I laughed, "Yeah but he had it coming." Neither of them said anything, their knowing stares through the laptop screen pierced through me.
I sighed, sometimes all you needed was a friend to tell you it was all going to be OK.
"Fine. I'll do it." They cheered so loudly I was thankful I didn't have headphones on. "I was going to sign onto some high school summer classes but fuck the little brats."
"That's the spirit!" Jess said.
We talked for another hour, Angela updating us on her wedding planning. Jess had just started seeing some finance guy, Mike. By the end of the call, I felt lighter than I had all week.
It had taken me a few days to finish work, sort out my finances and lock up my apartment. I didn't know how long I'd be gone, but I was betting on a few weeks.
The storage facility was still in business, as they'd been taking money from my mother for over two decades, I had little doubt it would be. The men who ran the place had never opened the unit my mother paid for; it was a surprise for them when I passed over the key. A few of them even gathered around to see what was in there like on those cheesy and clearly fixed TV shows where people with too much money and no sense bid on abandoned units.
When the door slid up to reveal a perfectly preserved 1969 Chevrolet El Camino, there was a lot of whistling and head rubbing. I'm not sure who was more shocked, them or me. I had never thought to ask my mom what kind of car it was. It had me thinking about what kind of man Charlie was. To have something so obviously cared for and expensive and not call the police to report it missing? I didn't know what to make of it.
It took a few turns in the ignition, but the car started. I took a moment to acknowledge I was taking a risk, - not the risk of meeting a man who potentially didn't want anything to do with me, - but the risk of driving across the entire country in a car that hadn't seen daylight since I was in diapers.
But my mind was made up.
I started driving.
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Thank you for reading :)