Chapter 2: Overwhelming Grief
AN: I am sorry for the delay in updating this story. Four days after the first chapter of this story was posted, I lost my girlfriend in a car accident. The grief was overwhelming, and writing fanfiction was the last thing on my mind. I ended up taking a completely different direction than I was originally planning with this story to try to explore Aang's character a little bit, and the grief that he must have faced not only in the Cartoon, but especially now in this story since he witnessed Sozin's Comet.
What you are about to experience now are some things that I personally went through in my process of grief. Aang has really just turned into me for this chapter. I'm sure the writing is absolutely terrible, but I felt like I needed to put this one out there. I'm hoping that writing this and publishing this gives me the motivation to continue working on this story. I want to thank everyone who took the time to favorite, review, and follow this story. I hope this is a worthy second installment. I know I originally said that I was going to respond to reviews starting with this chapter, but I'm going to save it for the next one. It just doesn't feel right doing it now after being gone for so long.
So, enjoy. I hope the writing isn't absolutely terrible, and I look forward to hearing what people think.
Everything was extremely blurry as Aang woke up. Looking around, he noticed that the surrounding environment was entirely unfamiliar to him. Instead of waking up to a gentle breeze and the sight of trees and sky bison, all he could see was ice, formed in the shape of an igloo. Dazed and confused, the young airbender tried to wrap his mind around where he could possibly be, and how he got there. Though the details were still fuzzy to him, he could recognize that he felt absolutely drained, and he could almost feel how puffy his eyes were.
For some reason, his memory was still hazy. It was almost as if he was trying to forget what had previously happened to him. But, Aang was determined, and he desperately was trying to remember how he had possibly ended up in this icy home. He certainly wasn't at the Southern Air Temple anymore.
Then, the memories started to flood his brain. The fireballs flying through the air, the desperate looks on the Elder Monks faces as they recognized that they were being attacked, the burnt corpses of Monk Pasang began to haunt his very thoughts, causing him to shake to his core. "No!" Aang cried out, "That couldn't have been real, it had to have been a dream! It was just a nightmare!"
More flashbacks began to enter his mind. Visions of his friends who all ran into the dormitories as fast as possible, looks of horror and fear in their eyes as they had no idea what was going on. The pure panic that Appa voiced when he and Aang were under attack by a slew of fireballs. The depressed look on Gyatso's face right before he pushed Aang off of the cliff, knowing that it would be their last time seeing each other.
"Gyatso!" Aang helplessly cried out into the icy room. To the airbender, it was no longer the igloo home where he had woken up, but it was the cliffside of the Patola Mountains, and his mentor was within arms reach in front of him. This time Aang was ready. He thought of his tornado defense attack that he could use to stave off the oncoming group of attackers that would ultimately seal his and Gyatso's face. As Aang took out his staff, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning around, he saw the face of his mentor, a grim and sad expression being painted across his face.
"It's over Aang. You can't change the past. You need to let go of it and begin to move on." Gyatso stated in a melancholy tone. Before Aang had even the slightest moment to react, his mentor had pushed him off of the cliffside again, leaving him to his fate as he fell off the cliffside.
"NOOOOOOOO!" Aang screamed as he came back to reality with a large crash. Looking around him, he noticed he was now on the floor next to his bed, a cart full of supplies that were presumably for him toppled over next to him. The airbender was alone. He didn't even realize that he now had a gash from his fall that he had, the only thing he could focus on was the hot tears that were streaming down his face.
His entire life, he had grown to love his family of airbenders that surrounded him at the Southern Air Temple. They relied on each other, and he depended on them in order for him to survive and grow as a person. What was he supposed to do without them? How was he supposed to possibly go on without his mentor? How could he ever apologize to them for him being the one that's alive when they're already dead and gone? Why was he the one that got to live, because he was the Avatar?
Immediately, Aang began to resent himself. Because of this stupid title that he was given in the first place, his life had forever changed. His friends treated him differently, his mentors were harder on him, and now he was given some responsibility to be the "savior" to the world. It was a responsibility and title that he wanted nothing to do with, and now this title just cost him EVERYTHING that he knew and loved.
At last, Aang gave out a cry of pain, and let himself escape into a sobbing mess once again. He didn't care if he looked bad to anyone anymore. Nothing mattered at all. There was nothing to be happy about in his life. Nothing to celebrate. Everyone he ever loved was gone. In some cruel fate, he was the one that was supposed to be left behind to deal with it. To somehow make things right and better.
Someone came rushing into the room where he was sobbing, but he didn't notice. The airbender was in a daze, delirious from his grief and depression. It wasn't until he felt a pair of arms wrap around him that he recognized that he was no longer the only one in the room. "Hey," the airbender heard a soft empathetic female voice call out to him. "It's going to be okay, you're safe now."
Aang was able to glance up, his blurry vision heavily clouding the person who looked ever so familiar to him. Wiping away some of the tears from his eyes, he recognized the young girl with bright blue eyes and chocolate brown hair that had helped him the previous night. "Thank you," the airbender was able to stammer out in a weak voice through his tears. The girl only nodded with a sad, empathetic smile as she placed a soft hand on his shoulder. "Where am I?" Aang carefully asked.
The girl looked bewildered as she stared back at the airbender. The South Pole wasn't usually just a place that you "ended up" in by chance, it was very much a journey that travelers had to go out of their way to make. "You're in the South Pole. Specifically the Southern Water Tribe." She calmly answered with empathy. She recognized that Aang was still in distress, and she had to get some answers from him regarding the claims he had made the night before.
Aang gratefully gazed back into the girl's eyes. She still had him in her protective embrace, and he was making no move to get out of it. For some reason, he felt strangely comfortable and grounded when he was being held by her. With how his last couple days have gone, stability was all he truly wanted. Wiping tears away from his eyes, he let out a soft sniffle. "Thank you, by the way. You've been extremely kind to me this entire time. What's your name?"
The young woman's eyes sparkled as she let out a soft smile in response. "My name is Katara. I'm a master waterbender here in the Southern Water Tribe, and also the daughter of the Chief. There's no need to thank me either, all I have done is just provided you a place to sleep and provided a little comfort, that's all." She looked down towards the ground, clearly a little shy, before perking up again. "What's your name?"
"My name's Aang. I'm from the Southern Air Temple, and I'm a master airbender." The airbender was short with his response, and the waterbender was able to recognize that talking about his people was a bit of a touchy subject for him. She was still curious however about his behavior, and she wanted to get answers.
Noticing that Aang was starting to calm down a little bit, she shifted slightly so he could have the back of his head against her arm. She didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable at all. "So, Aang. You caused quite the stir last night," she tried to gently probe. "Would you mind telling me what made you so upset?"
The airbender surprised her by immediately jumping out of her embrace, quickly turning on her. "How could you ask me such a question?" He shouted, fire filling his eyes. "They're all dead, Katara! The Fire Nation came and raided our Temple and they're gone! Now I'm supposed to be the one who has to go around telling everybody about it? That's NOT happening!" Aang angrily stomped on the ground, a gust of wind spiraling out from underneath him and going straight into the wall.
Unfortunately for Aang, Katara had a short temper, and with her being a master waterbender, she was not afraid to protect herself. Stamping her foot down, she quickly placed her hands on her hips. "What is WRONG with you Aang! You were the one who came into our tribe in the middle of the night! I think it is fair of us-"
"FAIR?" Aang angrily shouted back. "I'm sorry, but life hasn't been fair at all! You think I asked to come here into the Southern Water Tribe last night? No! I was forced to! Because the Fire Nation came into my Temple and murdered everyone! I had to watch my friends die, Katara! The people who taught me everyone I know, dead! The one person that I thought of as a father pushed me off a cliff to save my LIFE! Life hasn't been FAIR!"
The waterbender froze in place, fear and compassion filling her soul. On one hand, if what this boy was saying was true, then this means that this was about to be the start of a war, and she needed to tell her father immediately. Also, if what Aang was claiming was true, then he truly was the last airbender from his Temple, and he had just witnessed an overwhelming amount of trauma, and she couldn't even imagine the pain he was going through. "Aang . . ." her voice immediately softened, "I had no idea, I'm so sorry."
"Sorry?!" The airbender exclaimed. "How is that going to fix things? I shouldn't even be here right now! I should be back at the Southern Air Temple seeing if there are any survivors and potentially helping them! Yet I'm here in the Southern Water Tribe crying my eyes out like a baby!" Aang angrily kicked at the bed that he had been sleeping in, before his voice dropped to a low whisper. "I'm so angry with them right now." He confessed.
Katara was almost overwhelmed with the amount of information that was being given to her at the moment, but she knew that she had to be strong. She was particularly confused by his closing comment though. Tilting her head, she calmly asked, "why are you mad at the people who lived at the Temple with you?"
Aang looked at her with pleading eyes, the torture evident on his face while he was reliving his memories. "Because they were supposed to be with me for my entire life! I was supposed to go on traveling adventures with my friends! My mentors were going to take me on diplomatic missions! Gyats told me he wouldn't LEAVE ME! Now they're all GONE! This is my fault! I should have died with them! Why am I ALIVE when they all had to DIE?" The airbender grew louder and more distraught as he continued on his tirade, tears filling back into his eyes as he collapsed back onto the bed.
The waterbender immediately rushed forward and took Aang into her arms. She didn't know what to say. Katara couldn't tell if the airbender was telling the truth or not, but she was very much inclined to believe him as he was extremely distraught. Aang buried his face into her neck and began to sob almost immediately. Katara just closed her eyes and held him tightly against her, rubbing small circles on his back to try to bring him any sort of relief, but she couldn't even imagine how he could possibly be soothed with the trauma he had just experienced.
A short amount of time passed, and Aang exhausted himself. Soon, Katara could hear the airbender's soft breathing, and when she lifted Aang's head, she found the airbender asleep in her arms. Trying to be as gentle and quiet as possible, she laid the airbender back on the bed so he could get some much needed rest. Backing away from Aang, she felt her heart tear into two for him. There was something about him that drew her to him, and she felt much more empathy for him than she would any other stranger that happened to enter the Tribe. At last, some common sense entered her mind, and she began to back away towards the door.
"I need to tell Dad about this," she muttered to herself before leaving the room.
Aang slowly opened his eyes to find out that he was in a different environment again. But, this wasn't an unfamiliar environment to him. Around him, lemurs flew around with sky bison, he heard the ringing laughter of the novices as they played airball in the corner, and he could hear the gentle breeze ringing through the landscape as he looked out to the Patola Mountain Range. He was back home!
The airbender took a moment to walk through the Southern Air Temple. It was so surreal to him! The buildings were in pristine condition and no longer on fire, and everyone was flocking around as if nothing ever happened. Aang so badly wanted to join in on the game of airball that was going on, but there was only one person that he wanted to see. Gyatso. He wanted to run up to him and give him a hug and never let go.
Jumping around the temple, Aang began to climb up the mountain range, desperately looking for his mentor. Finally reaching his statue, he stopped for a quick moment, a sense of longing in his eyes. Should he tell Gyatso about the nightmare dream he had? Or would he worry Gyatso and the other Elder Monks by doing so? Taking a deep breath, Aang decided that the most important thing that he had to do was find his mentor first. He took off towards the chamber where the Council of Elders sat in, hoping that his reunion would come at last.
Aang's mind was racing a million miles a minute as he jumped across the Patola Mountain tops, making his way to the Council of Elders chamber as fast as he could. What would Gyatso say when they reunited? How are all of these people alive? Did Aang just have a bad dream? Most importantly, would Gyatso and the rest of them forgive him for disappearing? Finally, Aang landed at the entrance of the chamber. He took a moment to collect himself, taking a deep breath as he slowly closed his eyes. With his mind and body calm, Aang decided he was going to take the final step to reunite with his mentor.
Appearing at the entryway of the chamber, Aang peered around to attempt to locate his mentor. The Elders were having a meeting, and Aang knew that during this time they were not to be disturbed in case of an emergency. Then, Aang found him. His Mentor was sitting cross legged, a ghostly smile etched across his features as he intently listened in on what the other Elders were saying, playing his role as an Elder perfectly.
Nothing but joy filled the young airbender's heart, Gyatso was ALIVE! "Gyatso!" Aang shouted out with glee as he sprinted forward into the room and right to his mentor. He didn't even take the time to look up to see any of the reactions from the rest of the room for them being disturbed, nor his own mentor's face. The young airbender immediately implanted himself into his mentor's embrace, wrapping his arms tightly around Gyatso as he buried his face into his chest. Tears streamed down his eyes as he could feel the breath inflate his mentor's chest as he looked down upon him.
"Pupil Aang," Gyatso warmly spoke out to him after a few moments. "Why are you here? Don't you know that there's a meeting going on?" Aang then lifted his face out from his mentor's chest, looking around the room where every single Elder was staring at him, an annoyed expression plastered across their faces. However, that's not what Aang cared about. They were all there! They were all alive! Monk Tashi, Monk Tolen, Monk Pasang, they were all there!
Silence took over the room as everyone was awaiting an answer from the young airbender. Aang knew he would most likely be punished for interrupting the meeting of the Council of Elders for no reason, but he wouldn't care. They were here, that's what mattered. He quickly tried to recount everything that happened, never stopping to take a breath as he ranted his story to the Council.
"Well I must have had a dream because I was dreaming that the Fire Nation came and attacked us. It was on the night of the Great Comet so they had a lot of power and Fire Lord Sozin was there and they all started attacking us and we were completely overwhelmed. I saw Monk Tolen and Monk Pasang die right in front of me but now you are clearly alive which is amazing and then Gyatso pushed me off the Mountain to Appa where I was able to escape so then I thought Gyatso was dead too and then I woke up in this weird snowy place and there was this really nice girl and-"
"Aang." His mentor raised his hand slightly to signify that it was enough, and the young airbender looked up to see a look of sadness take over his mentor's eyes. Looking around the room, the rest of the Council of Elders was looking at the newly discovered Avatar like he was clinically insane. Gyatso then turned to the rest of them, and slightly bowed. "Would you all mind giving my pupil and I a moment to have a conversation please?" Gyatso's tone was serious, which rarely ever came out, and the other Elders knew that when his tone was serious, that he meant business. They reluctantly shuffled out of the chamber, until it was just the mentor and his pupil.
Aang was slightly confused why he wanted to talk to him one on one, but he didn't mind. He figured that Gyatso was the only one who would believe that he had this story anyway. His face absolutely lit up as he watched his mentor's eyes land on him, but then he became confused as Gyatso let out a deep sigh.
"You need to wake up Aang," his mentor barely whispered out to him, pain and grief straining his voice. The young airbender was immediately confused as he took a step away from his mentor, the smile quickly fading away from his face.
"What? I don't know what you mean, Gyatso." Aang quickly stated, trying to make sense of all this. Gyatso never acted this cold towards him. The young airbender knew that he wasn't supposed to interrupt the Council of Elders meeting, but he didn't think that Gyatso would be that upset with him.
A frown crossed over his mentor's face, and Gyatso reached out his hand to place it on the young airbender's shoulder. "Aang," Gyatso repeated firmly. "You have to wake up, you can't keep running away from what happened, you have responsibilities now."
Aang was beginning to grow frustrated. He knew that Gyatso was extremely wise and he could sometimes be cryptic with his wisdom, but usually Aang had somewhat of a clue on what he was talking about. This time, Aang was clueless. "What do you mean, "wake up," Gyatso? I am awake! Look right here!" The young airbender pointed to his clearly open eyes on his face, dumbfounded by his mentor at the moment. Gyatso had to be pulling his leg.
Pain once again formed on his mentor's face, and with another deep sigh, Gyatso spoke in a deep grave voice. "You're dreaming right now, Aang. Everything that you just described to me and the rest of the Elders did happen. I can't let you continue to create this fantasy for yourself that I'm alive."
A look of horror took over the young airbender's face as he stared at his mentor, stumbling a couple of steps back to try and gather himself. "No," he stated firmly. "No. It can't be. You're lying. You're standing right here in front of me. I reached out and hugged you Gyatso. Don't lie to me!" Aang's voice slowly grew as he began to panic, this false reality of his slowly fading away.
Gyatso could only form a sympathetic smile in return, trying to take a couple of steps towards the airbender, but Aang matched his steps, keeping the distance between them apart. "Aang, I'm sorry. I wish I could be there for you right now. But fate has a funny way of working out sometimes. Just know that I'm always with you in-"
"STOP IT!" Aang quickly shouted, anger and frustration in his face. "You have no right to apologize to me! You PUSHED me off the mountain, Gyatso! I should have been with you! I'm trained enough! I'm a master airbender! I could have changed the tide!"
Hurt immediately crossed his mentor's face. Aang had been angry a lot of times, he had expressed a lot of frustration outwardly towards Gyatso, but it had never been directed at Gyatso before. "Aang," his voice grew soft and compassionate as he tried to talk sense into his Pupil. "I did what I had to do for the sake of the world, you're the Avatar and the world is going to need you. We're entering a very tumultuous time period, and they are going to need you to lead the way."
Aang didn't want to hear any of it from his mentor. "I don't care what the world thinks. I NEED YOU!" Tears formed in his eyes as Aang slowly knelt down to the floor, feeling nauseous, the strength and resolve flowing away from his body. "How am I supposed to possibly do any of this without you, Gyatso? You didn't even give me a choice!"
"I didn't give you a choice because you would have DIED Aang, and I would have never been able to live with myself!" Gyatso hotly fired back, shocking his Pupil. Gyatso was the most patient soul out there, and he never, EVER lost his cool with Aang. His mentor took a breath to collect himself. "What good would there be for the world if the Avatar died along with the rest of us? The Fire Nation would be able to completely take over the world!"
"I don't care about the rest of the world, Gyatso! I care about YOU! I care about the Southern Air Temple, the rest of the airbenders who died! Now I'm the only person left from this Temple!" Aang hotly shouted back. Silence took over the room as both Mentor and Pupil realized that they had never talked this way to each other before. The young airbender closed his eyes, tears slowly escaping his eyelids and making their way down his cheeks as he sighed. "I can't do this without you Gyatso." Aang weakly whispered out, his voice cracking as well.
Finally, his Mentor smiled. Gyatso took a few steps towards Aang, closing the distance between them. He then kneeled down in front of his Pupil, taking a finger under Aang's chin and lifting it up so they could make eye contact. Using his left hand, he placed it on Aang's left shoulder, and he placed his right hand under the young airbender's heart. "That's where you're wrong, Aang. You don't have to do this without me. I, and the rest of the airbenders, will be right here." Gyatso emphasized by patting Aang's heart. "I promise you, I will never leave your heart, Aang. I could never abandon my pupil."
Aang immediately became overwhelmed, wrapping his arms around Gyatso, before finally getting the relief of his mentor wrapping his arms back around him. There were so many questions that Aang wanted to ask, so many more answers that he needed, but, Aang didn't get the time. The world around him slowly started to fade away, and light seemed to pour into his eyes as his mentor slowly disappeared in front of him.
The young airbender's eyes slowly fluttered open, and when he looked around, he realized he was back in the South Pole. Letting out a deep sigh, he just flopped his head back onto the pillow. He wasn't going to do anything today. He didn't feel like doing anything, and there were no expectations today, so he was just going to lie around and maybe get some more sleep. Maybe if he had more sleep he could have more dreams like the one that he just had.
Then, a squeeze on his hand stole his attention away, immediately flinching, he turned over to his left to see the Water Tribe girl sitting there and holding his hand, and he immediately sat up in reaction, causing her to let go of his hand. "What are you doing here?" He exclaimed as he tried to catch his breath, still overwhelmed by the surprise.
Katara looked down sheepishly at her lap, and Aang could have sworn that there was the slightest tint of red that was forming on her cheeks. "While you were sleeping you were moving around a lot and you looked really uncomfortable, so I thought that maybe if I held your hand that it would help you sleep better?" She offered sheepishly.
Aang took a long look at her, studying her face up and down, before determining that she was harmless. It's not like it mattered that much anyways, she was probably just trying to get him out of here as quickly as she could so she could move on with her own life. "Whatever," he flatly stated as he lay back on his pillow, staring up at the ceiling.
A small sigh escaped from the waterbender as she stood up, gently walking over to the foot of his bed. "Do you need anything, are you hungry at all?" She asked in a warm and empathetic tone.
"No, I'm not hungry." Aang stated flatly. He wasn't trying to be rude to her at all, he just didn't have the energy or the emotions to be able to deal with her.
The girl hummed, moving her fingers under her chin to think before her eyes lit up with an idea. "What if we went for a walk! It would be good to stretch your legs and I think I make a pretty good listener," Katara offered with a smile.
Aang once again shook his head. "Thank you but no thank you. I just want to lie here all day." He voiced with sadness. Nothing sounded appealing to him right now except just staying where he was at. He didn't have the energy or the reason to try to move.
Thankfully, Katara seemed to understand. She walked back over to Aang, placing her right hand on his shoulder, causing him to look up at her and meet her ocean blue eyes. "I can't even imagine what you've gone through, Aang." Katara soberly stated, her face falling. "Just know that if you need anything, or want to talk to anyone, I will gladly be there for you."
For the first time since Katara had seen him at the South Pole, there seemed to be some sort of glimmer that appeared in Aang's eyes. It appeared for the slightest second as the two stared into each other's eyes, before a cough came from the doorway causing both of them to jump. Standing there stood a teenage boy from the Water Tribe, his hair slicked back into a ponytail and he was wearing warrior's armor.
"Sokka!" Katara shouted out, clearly annoyed. "What are you doing-"
"We need both of you at the Chieftain's chamber in five minutes." The teenage boy clearly stated, looking Aang up and down with a look of distrust. "The Tribe has a lot of questions for you."