Chapter 5

On Sunday night, Jessica's phone rang.

"Hello?"

"It's me." She knew it was Seth. He often greeted her that way on the phone after all. His gruff voice was instantly recognizable, but she felt her stomach tighten, as she was not sure why he was calling.

"Seth."

An uncomfortable pause lingered, but Jessica would not break it. After all, Seth was the one who called her.

Beginning to wonder if the line was still connected, she heard him clear his throat, before he said, "Jess, I wanted to call and tell you that I need some more time."

"Yes, you mentioned that on Friday when you called to cancel."

She was hurt, but she regretted her passive aggressive comment as soon as it left her mouth.

"Ayuh, but now it's been well over two days and well, I suppose I thought it was only right to tell you that even though I still need time, I am…thinking about you and…I miss you."

"Oh, I see. Thank you." She hated being at odds with Seth. Her whole world turned on its side when they were not connected. When he did not respond at first, she realized she could wait for him to be ready. It was not too much for him to need time. "Seth, I will wait for you to be ready to talk. I'm not leaving Cabot Cove anytime soon. I love you and I know we need to talk."

"Ayuh, we do, Jess."

"Just…please don't make me wait too long."

"I'll do my best," he whispered. She heard the click of the phone being replaced on the receiver. She hung up her phone and went to find the tissue to wipe the tears that had again formed.

She would have another long night tossing and turning.

S/J

Seth had spent the weekend working at the hospital when he didn't have to. But he knew if he stayed home, he would be tempted to do nothing but drink all the alcohol in his cabinet and listen to old records.

He only kept one, maybe two bottles on hand to avoid drinking too much. He had learned the hard way after Ruthie died that drinking dulled the pain sometimes but never helped in the long run. He wanted more than anything to talk to Jessica and work things out. So he knew instinctively that he could not drown himself in a bottle all weekend if he hoped to move closer to that goal.

So, he worked all day on Saturday and Sunday, only allowing himself one strong glass of whiskey both nights when he got home.

By Monday, Beverly was not amused. She knew the moment she entered the office that morning that Seth had not resolved anything with Jessica.

She did not say anything, but she did not have to. Her heavy sighs throughout the day said it all. When she opened her mouth at the end of the day, Seth sensed it would be about Jessica and he could not handle that, so he interjected with a firm, "Don't." She knew by that one word and the sternness of his voice that he was serious. She sighed again, but flounced out the door.

Once he heard the door slam none too quietly, Seth threw his pen on the chart he was working on, watching it bounce to the floor. Christ, he had to figure out how to fix this with Jessica.

Who did she sleep with? Why did it bother him so much? She said it had been since before the holidays the last time she was with this mystery man. That would have been three or four months ago. Where was she in November? He could not remember. Damn. Why did it even matter?

He knew whoever the man was, he was jealous of him. That lucky bastard had been in bed with Jessica. Had seen her unclothed and had touched her. And it had happened multiple times from what she said over the years. He bet the man was fit and good looking. How did he never know before now? Was that what bothered him? That she had been with this nameless man for years while Seth was supposed to be her best friend? Did this man satisfy her the way Seth had always wanted to? Did she cry out his name when she climaxed and did he whisper sweet nothings in the shell of her ear as she came down from her high? Presumably, he must have been good in bed if she had continued this relationship as long as she had.

He would drive himself insane with this line of questioning. But he wanted to know badly. Even though he knew that if she answered every single question, it would break his heart. Which may be why she had refused to tell him anything. Maybe she was trying to protect him.

Standing up from his desk, he shrugged off his lab coat, reaching for his winter coat and hat. He would take a walk, get some fresh air. Maybe have a bite to eat at Mara's, so he wasn't tempted to have a liquid dinner of whiskey.

Slamming the door behind him, he decided that a brisk walk in the cold weather was what the doctor ordered. For himself.

S/J

Jessica had spent all day Monday working. After a restless weekend doing household chores and trying not to look out the window, hoping that Seth would show up, she could not avoid her manuscript any longer. She had eaten her breakfast and had her coffee like any other morning, except that this morning, she had known not to set out Seth's mug that he usually used, as she knew he would not stop by. Not after his call last night. Whenever he did stop by to finally talk, she knew it would be at night or on the weekend, when neither had to work. It would not be a talk that could be done quickly.

Trying to push thoughts of Seth and the friction in their relationship away, she took her replenished coffee cup into her office and sat down to work. Despite getting little accomplished that day, she recognized that part of the battle had been staying put. When the words did not flow or there were distractions, it was easy to justify not working sometimes. But too many days like that added to more stress in the long run when her deadlines loomed. No, getting a few hundred words written and working through some plot holes was at least something.

By five o'clock, she decided she had done enough, realizing as her stomach growled that she had not eaten lunch. She decided that she could not bear to sit at home alone for one more meal. Standing, she went to find her coat and scarf. It was too windy to bike to Mara's, but if she bundled up, she could walk. It would do her good.

When Jessica arrived at the diner, she was chilled to the bone, which was the only reason she did not turn around and walk back out. Of course, Seth would be sitting at the counter with a bowl of chowder in front of him. Why had she not considered the risk that she might run into him here? She could sit down at a table, but felt that would only make it worse when he inevitably turned around to leave before she finished. Instead, she stiffened her spine and made her way over to the counter. She considered not sitting in the seat right next to him, but knew that would only cause a stir in the diner. People would notice and questions would be asked. No, the only thing to do would be to sit next to him as though everything between them was normal.

But nothing was normal.

The diner was busy for a Monday night, yet there were several vacant tables. Seth was the only person currently sitting at the counter. Normally, they got a booth when they came together, rarely sitting anywhere in the open, preferring to have as much privacy as possible. There would be no privacy at the counter. She prayed that would help.

As she approached, she sidled up next to Seth, but was careful not to touch him, as she asked softly, "Is this seat taken?"

He jolted in surprise at the sound of her voice, wiping his mouth with his napkin, before he looked her up and down.

"Jess. Sit down. You look frozen, woman. Your nose is red." Turning to one of the waitresses behind the counter, he motioned for coffee for both of them.

Smiling her thanks, Jessica pulled off her gloves and wrapped her cold hands around the mug, grateful for the warm drink. The waitress asked what she wanted to eat, and nodding at Seth's chowder bowl, she asked for the same. It would be warm and filling. All Jessica could think about right now was how awkward running into Seth was and how in the world were they going to survive the next half hour trying to appear normal in public?

When the waitress walked away, Jessica whispered, "I'm sorry. I didn't think about the fact you might be here tonight."

"No need to apologize, woman. It's a public place. You have every right to be here like me." Looking her up and down again, he said, "You're skipping meals."

She shrugged, "I forgot lunch is all. I had breakfast." She would not admit to the little she ate over the weekend. Besides, the way he sized her up just now even in winter clothes, it was obvious he knew.

"But you walked here and it's freezing, Jess. Why didn't you call for Dimitri?"

"I needed the exercise. I will call him to take me home…unless you drove by chance?" The question was tentative and uncertain, as though she was not sure if she had the right to ask him for a ride as she had always done normally.

"I walked, Jess. I needed to think for a bit. But you should call Dimitri. Your nose is still red. I don't want you catching a cold."

Sitting side by side, they were not making eye contact much but they were turned ever so slightly towards each other. They were nervous and unsure, but as they were both soft spoken, even with Seth's rumbly voice, they were able to avoid the attention of others in the diner. But when Seth voiced concern over Jessica catching cold, she lifted her eyes to meet his own, searching for something. The corners of her mouth turned up gently, as she looked back down at her hands around her coffee mug.

"Thank you for caring about me," she whispered.

Before Seth could respond, Mara bustled up to the counter with Jessica's chowder and some bread, setting the bowl in front of her and the bread plate between them both to share.

"What are you two up to tonight? You don't normally come in on Monday nights."

Seth spoke for them both, sensing that Jessica was at a loss for how to respond, when he said, "Oh, just a busy Monday, Mara. Needed something warm and filling and neither of us wanted to cook."

Smiling at them both, she appeared a little suspicious, but evidently deciding to let it pass, she told them both to enjoy their chowder, before turning back to the kitchen.

Seth watched Jessica blow on her soup, as she raised the spoon to her mouth, before taking a steaming bite. She could feel his eyes on her, but she could not turn back towards him just yet. She felt too vulnerable.

He reached out to touch her forearm lightly, "Jess, I need to say something in response to what you said before Mara walked over. I love you and I am going to love you and care about you forever. No matter what. This isn't the time or place to talk about what we need to talk about, but I don't want you to ever doubt how I feel about you. Alright?"

She nodded, keeping her eyes on her soup bowl. He watched her for a moment and realized that she was struggling not to cry. Dear lord, he would cry if she did. They were a mess. He had not intended to talk to her for several more days yet. He had felt like his own emotions were too volatile and he did not want to hurt her more by saying something foolish. But seeing her hurting, he could not make her wait any longer. It was hurting them both and he needed to let go whatever was holding him back. It was time.

"Jess, please eat a bit more and then I think we need to go home and talk. If you would be agreeable, that is?"

Nodding, she began eating again. She was slow, as though she had not eaten enough over the last few days and had to convince herself that she still needed to. Knowing her the way he did, his earlier supposition that she was skipping meals held true.

When she finished, he handed her a slice of bread that he had buttered, encouraging her to eat that as well. She hesitated, but thinking better of refusing, she nibbled on it while he asked for the check. Paying for them both again, he asked Mara to ring for Dimitri to pick them up. She walked over to place the call for him and he stood to put on his coat. Jessica had finished the slice of bread and wiped her mouth, taking one last sip of coffee, before she stood up beside him. He helped her on with her coat and scarf, and putting their gloves on, they were ready when Dimitri pulled up.

By the time they arrived at Candlewood Lane a few minutes later, they hurried inside. Taking off their coats by the backdoor, they were alone, mere inches away from each other for the first time since their disastrous evening the Thursday before. Jessica could feel Seth staring at her, as she unbuttoned her coat and pulled her scarf and gloves off, trying to look in the mirror to check her hair. She had intended on walking past him to turn the coffee pot on, so they could sit in the kitchen to talk, but before she could walk past him, he reached for her, his hand touching her cheek, their skin cold to the touch that had been exposed to the elements, her nose still red. Tilting her face upwards, he sought her eyes with his own. What he saw made his chest expand, as he was thrilled to see that her eyes softened with love, desire, and need. Moving closer, he grazed her lips lightly with his own, but when he felt her body shift closer and her mouth soften and open against his, he groaned, pulling her flush against his body. The kiss felt like a fire had been ignited between them. He felt her hands wrap around his neck, before she threaded her fingers in his hair. His tongue had entered her mouth and she had received it eagerly, using her own to engage.

When they parted to breathe, he moved down her cheek, planting kisses along her neck, behind her ear, feeling the softness and warmth of her skin, inhaling her lavender scent. Boldly, he moved his hands down her arms and to her sides, skimming the sides of her breasts. He heard her moan and he thought he might lose his mind. She was so responsive. Could he take her to bed now?

Before he had time to think further if this was the most irresponsible thing he had ever contemplated doing before, Jessica whispered in his ear, "Seth, please, darling. Let's go upstairs."

He pulled away to look at her intently, grasping both of her hands in his. He wanted her more than anything. But he did not want to hurt her. There was a lot of hurt between them right now. But when he saw her eyes, he knew somehow that it would be alright. Even so, he said, "Are you sure, Jess? We haven't had our talk yet. And I know I hurt you the other night."

She gave him a soft smile, before saying, "I hurt you, too, by hiding a part of myself from you. But I think we need to show each other right now just how much we feel for each other, so that we calm some of our anxiety. And tomorrow, we will talk it out. But for now, Seth Hazlitt, I want to make clear that I am yours and you are mine. I love you with my whole heart, and I trust you not to purposely hurt me."

"Jess, I love you. So much."

Pulling his hand now, she led him upstairs to her bedroom. She turned the small lamp on beside the door and then moved to close the window blinds before joining him in the middle of the room.

Walking him to her bed, she moved his hand to the buttons on her blouse, encouraging him to undo them, even as she began to help him. Once they had reached her bedroom, Seth had slowed a bit at the enormity of what they were doing and what he was feeling. He was terrified of screwing this up. But her eyes were wide and trusting, full of love. He would never hurt her if he could help it. Following her lead with her buttons, she divested him of his own clothing with no such timidity on her part, trailing hot kisses down his chest while doing so. He wondered briefly if she was so bold because of her prior lover and while he could easily wallow in the jealousy and ruin this beautiful moment, he reined in his emotions and thanked the gods that if that was the case, he was reaping the benefit now.

Once they were undressed, Jessica moved the quilt back and pulled Seth on top of her body. She kissed him softly, but as she deepened the kiss it became fierce. When she pulled away, she stared into his eyes as though she could see his soul. Her body was warm and soft and so very feminine, as he moved his hands up and down feeling her tremble beneath him. He suddenly felt like a young lad frozen by the beauty of the woman before him with no idea how to begin.

"Darling, won't you make love to me? I don't bite. Unless you want me to?" she teased, which caused him to involuntarily jerk as he groaned loudly in her ear as he could not believe what he was hearing. God, she was sexy. But her comment woke him up and as he began to move, they focused on one other. Boldly, looking each other in the eyes as he touched her everywhere, learning her body's responses and hearing the noises of pleasure she made while doing so, committing them to memory, hoping to never forget this moment.

Never believing that this would happen between them, Seth was determined to take his time. He tried not to worry that he was enough for her or even if he was a skilled enough lover. Hell, he was a doctor. He knew the human body in and out. He knew what to do to hopefully make her purr and so he fought every urge he had to get his own needs met, instead taking a long while becoming familiar with her breasts and the way the nipples hardened at his touch, listening to her voice as she panted, occasionally letting out a moan or a hiss of pleasure. When he settled between her legs, moving them a part before bringing them over his shoulders, she looked down at him, her face showing an emotion he was not sure of yet, but as he began to taste her, he knew that what he had seen was anticipation combined with pure lust. He did not let her finish quickly, but toyed with her a bit as he sought to worship her body, wanting to build her up several times before pushing her over the finish line. When she finally did cross it, he felt her legs spasm before giving way into the mattress as he heard her say his name in a whimper. He thought he had reached his own nirvana already, knowing he would crave her taste for the rest of his life, but that was before she coaxed him up the length of her body, wrapping her legs around his waist to guide him inside her. Just before they were connected for the first time, he tried to ask, "Don't you want-"

"No, you better be the last man I ever sleep with and I don't want anything between us."

At her words, he let himself settle into her completely, clinging to each other tightly. He stayed still at first, allowing her body to accommodate his own. Before long, she had adjusted to the sensation of him, dictating the speed and pattern, as she moved her hips against his. They took their time, their hands caressing, words soothing, and mouths constantly seeking lips, necks, and shoulders. When the intensity increased to the breaking point for Seth, Jessica held him to her chest, as she whispered in his ear, "Claim me, Seth. I am yours." Hearing her soft voice say those words was all it took to push him over the edge.

Their bodies were exhausted with a sheen of sweat covering them, but they stayed with their arms wrapped around each other for a long while. When they finally pulled away to look at each other, Jessica stroked his face, as he stared at her.

"Did that really happen, Jess?"

"Hmm, it did, Seth."

"You are incredible."

She smiled, "I feel the same about you, darling."

He felt his chest puff up. Maybe he would be able to meet her needs. He placed a soft kiss on her collarbone before he said, "I want to make you happy, my dear."

"You do, Seth. Just be you and it will all be okay."

"But I can be old-fashioned and hard-headed and chauvinistic."

"Well…maybe. But you are also kind and loving. And with me, you are protective and selfless."

He chuckled, "You are hard-headed, too." She gave him a warning look, before he added, "But you are also the most confident, kind and intelligent woman I have ever met. Not to mention beautiful and sexy as hell."

She laughed. Sobering a bit though, she met his eyes, before she asked him, "Will you stay tonight?"

He nodded, before she kissed him one more time, snuggling into his side.

He held her, overwhelmed with love for her. Kissing the crown of her head, he said, "I love you, sweetheart." She kissed his arm that was within her reach, "I love you, darling. Sweet dreams."

Seth was awake long into the night. He could have fallen asleep, but he wanted to stay awake. He needed to. Because for the first time in years, he was holding the woman of his dreams and she was naked in his arms. He savored this brand new beginning, as he focused on her breathing, the rise and fall of her chest against him, and the smell of her that all combined made his eyes wet with tears. He vowed to himself to never take her for granted.