CHAPTER 75
WHY HAVEN'T YOU ALWAYS BEEN IN MY LIFE?
"Prentiss?" JJ called out for her, as soon as she got back to the office after her coffee date with Ben.
"I took the liberty of checking out a few cases that had been offered to us…" JJ could not help her old ways.
She used to be the one who would choose the cases they'd work on and she could not grow out of that habit. Something about choosing a case, then pursuing it and ultimately putting the bad buy behind bars, was giving JJ the biggest sense of accomplishment ever. And, also, satisfaction, nearly as good as the one Will could give her.
"What do you have for me, ChayChay?" Emily smiled, seemingly in a great mood.
JJ walked her through the information she had on the one specific case she had chosen. It took Emily a second to confirm they would be taking up on it. She trusted JJ immensely.
"Alright then, I guess we're off to Canyonlands National Park on Saturday." JJ stated.
"Utah, cool!" Reid overheard them and he was excited. He didn't dislike Utah, like he disliked other places in the States.
"Well, Hanksville, to be precise. That's where our victim lived." JJ said while waving for everyone to gather up and follow her to the meeting room.
"Wait, victim? Singular?" Rossi questioned as he sat down on his favorite chair.
"Yes, this is not serial and the Hanskville police has contacted us to make sure it wouldn't turn into such." JJ pointed out, right before realizing she was completely taking over Emily's job and maybe overstepping just a little bit. It was always Emily who spoke to the team about a case.
"Go ahead." Emily sensed that, so she was quick to give JJ the word. She did not mind, not even a tiny little bit. In fact, she liked seeing JJ fired out and stepping up. It came natural for JJ to play that role.
"There is only one victim so far, but what makes this a Federal case is the unusual brutality and the religious connotation to her death. I cannot say anything more until we go and see it with our own eyes. I want each one of us to create their own idea about the case." JJ said, clutching onto the case files she had been sent by the local police.
There was a photo and a paper, describing the wounds and an assumption had been made. But JJ knew better than to put unconfirmed information in her colleague's heads. She would rather them figure it out on their own.
"Alright then, wheels up on Saturday morning." Emily was happy to take the second lead.
Since JJ never got the chance to assist her in the previous case, because of the whole being kidnapped thing, it felt good that she was now doing her best to be on top of her game with this new case. Emily did not mind.
"Why not today or tomorrow?" Reid asked. It was still Thursday afternoon.
"The police have asked us for a couple of days before they would officially invite us in on the case. They want to make sure this wasn't just a sick psycho with a one-time offense. You know how upsetting it is when the Feds are called in for nothing. There is nothing I can do until they send in the paperwork." JJ shrugged. "They said the earliest we could go was Saturday, if called, which is surely happening."
"Just in case, guys, keep one hand on the Go Bag. We need to be ready at any time. This is not about to turn into serial murder case." Emily stated, with conviction in her voice.
Rossi almost heard that old Emily style voice - the one who was kick ass, strong, confident and amazing at her job. She was slowly coming back and he could not feel any more proud.
"For you…" JJ handed a cup of coffee to Emily when they were the only two people left in the meeting room. Everyone else had retrieved to the Bullpen as soon as the team briefing had concluded.
"Oh, no thanks." Emily waved her hands, dismissing her favorite drink.
Wow, something must be very wrong with Emily Prentiss if JJ lived to see the day that woman rejected a coffee.
"Trying to cut down the caffeine. I'm having troubles sleeping recently." Emily elaborated, seeing JJ's confused expression.
"Oh, are the nightmares back?" JJ questioned, feeling a bit worried all of a sudden.
A while ago, Emily had confided something in her. Then she had said it was no longer an issue.
Back? JJ had no idea they were never really gone.
"No, no. I just, I don't know…I find it hard to fall asleep. Like, there is something keeping me awake for hours, no matter how tired I am." Emily shrugged, now envying the way JJ was sipping on that extra coffee herself.
"Troubles? Overthinking something?" JJ suggested. She knew Emily well enough.
"Mhh, not exactly. I mean, I don't know. I really don't know. I try to close my eyes and it's just…not helping."
"Thinking about cases? Maybe one case in specific?" JJ raised an eyebrow.
Emily had yet to come out and speak about what had happened over a month ago. She refused to go to therapy about it and she refused to participate in any conversation where the subject was that case. The entire BAU was walking on eggshells, waiting for the day this would all blow up in Emily's face. It was inevitable. She was bound to freeze, they just prayed that it wouldn't be during a case, God forbid, on the field.
Just to make sure Emily was covered, Rossi had been keeping an eye out on her every move, watching her like a hawk. He was, however, seeing very different non-verbal clues, ones that were not connected to what had happened on that case.
"Have you tried those herbal pills I gave you? Those work magic on me." JJ had been through her fair share of sleepless nights and those herbal based little things had helped her tremendously.
"Yeah. Not working on me." Emily sighed.
"Okay, try to explain what you think of, what you feel, when you can't fall asleep."
"Well, I'm tired…and I go to bed, I do all the things I normally do, you know, nice relaxing shower after a glass of wine, put some body lotion on, go to bed. And then I close my eyes and I can't sleep. At all. For hours. It's annoying!" With each next statement, Emily was getting more and more worked up.
"Did you change the body lotion? Maybe the smell of it is triggering your senses. That's what happened to me when I bought that strong melon-scented lotion. It's super nice, just not for when you go to bed. The smell was nauseatingly sweet and strong. I couldn't sleep either."
"No, I always use the same shower gel, same body lotion, same toothpaste. Same wine, mind you." Emily grinned. She did love her wine.
"Have you noticed anything out of the ordinary lately? Maybe your routine, maybe even the clothes you wear to bed? Remember that cute pajama set Garcia bought last year? She said she couldn't breathe in it and she was having troubles sleeping. Maybe it's the clothes…"
"JJ…" Emily trailed off, raising an eyebrow challengingly. JJ was smart enough to figure out her mistake.
"Oh, oops…my bad." JJ blushed.
Being her closest friend for so many years, she had to know that Emily did not like sleeping with clothes on. It wasn't public knowledge, but JJ definitely knew.
Emily owned one set of nightwear and it was in her Go Bag, because she only ever used it when traveling. And, not even every night, if she had the luxury of having her own hotel room.
"There's that annoying feeling…" Emily spoke, after a long moment of analyzing her night routine and trying to figure out what was so different now.
"Headaches?" JJ asked, but Emily shook her head. It was not that.
"Nausea?" JJ suggested when she saw how Emily subconsciously put her hand on her stomach.
"No, not exactly nausea. I don't know." Emily shrugged. There was no good word she could put to that feeling.
"Pains? Maybe it's from that case a while ago…I mean, the UnSub kicked you in the stomach pretty hard…"
"No, it's not a pain. It's like…tickling. I don't know, okay?" Emily was now beyond frustrated. All those books she had read at Yale before graduating with Honors, and she was unable to think of the right word. What a disappointment.
JJ tilted her head sideways. Something wasn't adding up.
"Tickling, huh?" JJ smirked. "Does it feel like super small contractions on the inside? Like, there is a feather? And when it tickles, it makes you smile?"
"Yeah, yeah, exactly!" Emily sighed with relief this time. Finally, something made sense. Well, apart from the smiling thing. She could not figure out why that discomfort was really making her smile, but it was, just like JJ had suggested.
"Like…there is something…fluttering…?" JJ pushed it, the final straw. She was enjoying the heck out of this conversation.
"Precisely!" Emily was completely oblivious to what she was admitting.
"Well, congratulations." JJ smirked. This was the best conversation she's had with Emily in a long time.
Emily gave her a confused look. This was hardly a nice feeling to have, not to mention its consequences – the lack of sleep being the worst of them all. Why would JJ be so rude?
"Let me guess, it all started after you came back?"
"Yeah…" Emily was still not getting it.
"Oh, Ems…" JJ chuckled and gave her a hug.
"Freaking finally!" JJ added, throwing Emily deeper into the pool of confusion.
"I need a new best friend. You're not helping." Emily cringed, breaking the hug. None of this made sense to her.
"I need to get back to my office." Emily added, walking away from a situation she was not enjoying.
JJ kept on grinning like a child. She had only waited for that moment for about ten years, if not more.
"Ah, Emily Prentiss…what have you gotten yourself into during that vacation?" JJ muttered to herself.
Whatever it was, those fluttering butterflies in her stomach were surely not going away any time soon, judging by the way Emily explained them.
"Hey, guys!" Mae said loudly, popping on a chair around the breakfast table in their hotel.
Angie had somehow successfully kicked Clara out of bed that morning, and dragged her to the breakfast lounge in one piece.
"Ugh!" Clara cringed at the loud screeching sound of both the chair and Mae's happy voice.
"She's feeling a bit…under the weather." Angie pointed at a very rough looking Clara, whose hair was a mess, her face clear of any kind of make-up and her head spinning like she was on a Ferris wheel on steroids.
"Under the weather? Or on top of that bottle?" Mae laughed. She knew Clara well enough to know when she was hungover after a night out.
"I should be offended to not have been invited. Then again, I crashed in my clothes, as soon as I entered the hotel room, so…" Mae shrugged.
Mae loved nights out with Clara. That woman was insane! And yet, last night was not a night Mae would have opted to go out at.
"What's up, everyone?" Kevin walked in and made even more noise than Mae, sending Clara into panic.
She simply stood up and walked out to the patio, in need of some fresh air.
Angie followed, with two cups of coffee, one in each hand.
"Here…" She offered with a smile.
"Thanks." Clara's voice was hoarse and it almost made her sound even sexier than usual.
Clara opened her mouth to say something, but Angie was quicker.
"No, I'm not going to tell them about your macho man." She smirked, nudging Clara softly.
"Okay." Clara took a sip of her coffee, impatient for its effect to start working on her.
"Hey, you don't have to be ashamed. Come on now. We're in Cuba. Who wouldn't pick herself a hot local guy to have some lighthearted fun with? I mean, I'm endlessly grateful that you did not decide to bring him back home and kick me out…" Angie rolled her eyes. She had already built a back-up plan last night, in case that happened. She would have gone to Mae's room and she would have begged for her to open the door and let her sleep on the couch.
"Why are you such an awesome kid?" Clara laughed.
"I've been brought up right, I guess." Angie's hand rose up, pushing a strand of hair off of Clara's face in a gesture that was almost…loving.
"Why haven't you always been in my life?" Still feeling half-drunk, Clara poured her heart out.
"Life had different choices for me…I guess." Angie's soft smile turned into a pout.
So many things were running through her mind at that moment. The fact that she ended both of her statements with 'I guess' showed how confused she was about whatever it was that had happened to her in the past.
"Come here, sweetheart." Clara opened her hands and invited Angie in for a hug.
She did not hesitate.
"You are amazing. Never forget that. You are strong and you are going to do great things in life, Angela Hunter." Clara whispered and Angie heard her voice crack three times. If she were looking at her face at that moment, she would have seen the tears, threatening to fall down her precious face. But she felt it, nonetheless.
"Ah, so she knows my name, huh!?" Angie teased, not wanting to let Clara cry. Instead, she made her laugh.
"You cheeky little one." Clara tickled Angie, sending her into a giggling spree.
"Thank you…" Angie whispered when she was able to finally catch her breath. She hated being tickled.
"For what?" Clara knew. Yet, she wanted to feel the pleasure of hearing it straight from Angie's mouth.
"For being there for me…when I needed." This time, it was Angie's voice that cracked a little.
"I'll do anything for you, kid." Clara smiled, a feeling of something unfamiliar creeping into her.
"And thanks for the lip-gloss, too." Angie added before they heard Garrett calling out for them from afar.
They joined the team for an abundant breakfast, during which Clara made sure she re-filled her coffee cup three times and that she had enough sugar into her system now, to last her a week. After that, she was ready to work…and a little bit less hungover.
A bottle of water was Clara's best friend for the rest of the day, never leaving her side. The team worked on a few possible ways this UnSub might be operating, and they narrowed it down to two motives. Half the team was convinced about one of those, while the other half was defending their own idea that the second motive was what has driven the UnSub to kill.
Being divided in their assumptions made it hard for them to work together. Garrett did not like his team working on two theories contemporarily, so he gave everyone an hour, in order to gain sustainable evidence and to convince the others that their theory was the right one.
Clara and Angie were on the same page, while Mae and Kevin stuck with the other option. Both duos went in different ways, hurrying to prove their point.
An hour later, they presented their case to Garrett and he just listened, without commenting.
Mae and Kevin spoke first and their opponents could not deny the validity of their arguments. However, they were looking at it the wrong way.
"…and I'm fairly confident in my theory. I'm a profiler, after all." Angie ended off her part of the presentation, earning herself a scoff from Jack.
"I mean, I will be…when I graduate the Academy. If I do. Which, I will. So, yeah. Okay…" She said lamely, trying to sound a bit more humble this time.
"Well, now that you've explained it further…" Mae had to admit it, everything they said made more sense than her own theory.
"Great, so we're going with Agent Seger's theory." Garrett quickly put an end to their disagreement, making sure the rest of the day would go on smoothly.
As soon as Garrett was out of sight, Angie jumped at her chance to whine.
"Agent Seger's theory…blah!"
"Oh, is someone jealous?" Clara was surprised. Angela was not the type to whine.
"I mean, a little credit, no? I came up with, like, most of the theory! I built the profile. And it's your name out there, getting praised."
"Come on. He's just doing that to shake you up a little bit. Don't fall for it. Just do you, show him what you're capable of. I'm sure you'll get the praise you deserve, when this is all over. I'm not going to lie, both Garrett and I have been asked to submit a report on your and Kevin's performance during this case, when we drop you back off at the Academy. So, let's make sure there's less whining, more working, so that both of your evaluations would be as amazing as I know they should be. Okay?" Clara spoke softly and Angie could not deny that everything that woman just said, was very much valid points.
"Yeah. I'm just…"
"Not used to working with other people?" Clara smirked. She knew what Angie's problem was. "Listen, you'll have to learn to adapt to team work, if you want to be part of the FBI. And you need to prepare for years of people, stepping all over you, on their way up. You won't get the praise you deserve for a long time and that would help build your character. And then, one day, you'll realize that all of your hard work has finally paid off and they make you the Unit Chief." Clara had gone on a little rant.
"Huh?" Angie looked at her with confusion.
"Sorry, I might have mixed my motivational speech to you with some personal experience with that one really good friend of mine who would always doubt herself and then she made it to Unit Chief and she's thriving, even under the constant pressure people are still putting her through. And I have no doubt you would be just like her – fierce, consistent, brave and, God bless you, but you two are equally as stubborn." Clara's last few words sent her into a laughing spree.
Angie pining for that profiling job reminded Clara of the past, when Emily Prentiss had invited her for drinks late one night and had told her, out of the blue, that she was going to be a profiler. It had come out of nowhere, but years down the road, that woman was making history and Clara could not be any more proud of her friend.
"Hello, Agent Seger. I realize this is very unprofessional of me, but I really wanted to get in touch with Angela and I found your phone number on the papers you gave us during your first class, so I though I'd give this a try. Hope this does not come off creepy. We just miss our friend and we wanted to send her some happy vibes to help her do…whatever it is that you guys are doing. Good luck to everyone. Bryan."
Clara laughed out loud when she received an incoming message notification and that is what it read.
It was way past midnight now and the IRS has had a long day at work, visiting different locations and talking to a lot of people. Everyone was exhausted. Angie was currently taking a shower and Clara was sitting on the edge of her bed, waiting in line for a shower.
"You drunk again or something?" Angie questioned, walking out of the bathroom and finding Clara, chuckling in the dark.
With one hand, she gestured for Angie to go sit next to her before she showed her the message and the photo attached to it.
"Awwh!" Angie squealed like a newborn puppy.
She could not take Bryan's cuteness. The photo was of him, Amanda, Jack and even Dan, giving her two thumbs up, grinning at the camera. It warmed that tiny little Devil heart of hers.
"That guy is sooooo into you." Clara commented.
"Pff, I get it now." Angie rolled her eyes, disregarding Clara's statement.
"Get what?"
"Why you're single." Angie smirked, holding onto her towel. "You clearly know nothing about love."
"Touché…" Clara confirmed.
She figured she'd just own up to her bad luck. She wasn't the only one, actually. That was another reason why she loved hanging out with Emily Prentiss so much – they would often joke that they were both under some damning spell to never find love, as it seemed.
"Tea? Really? Since when?" Victor raised an eyebrow.
Richard had been a coffee kind of guy, ever since Victor had met him. The more caffeine, the better.
"Green tea. It has been proven to contain healthy bioactive compounds. It increases fat burning and the antioxidants may lower the risk of some cancers. Also, it may improve brain function; may protect the brain from aging; may help prevent type 2 diabetes and even cardiovascular disease." Richard stated.
"Dude, you are such a nerd!" Victor rolled his eyes.
Sometimes Richard would come out with little nerdy outbursts like this one, making him sound like a human Wikipedia.
"Alright, what's going on?" Victor asked, in serious tone this time.
"Nothing. Green tea helps you relax and sleep better. Or sleep at all…" Richard said with a shrug.
They were now in a restaurant during their lunch break. Both had ordered and enjoyed their favorite food on the menu before they decided to indulge in some desert and a drink to keep them going for the rest of the day. They had an important decision to make at work and they had to be on top of their game.
"Ha, like you have any troubles sleeping! Come on, man. You're knocked out, as soon as your head hits the pillow." Victor knew him well.
With all the pressure Richard faced on a daily basis, on the job, it was safe to say he never had troubles falling asleep.
"Not the case lately…" Richard admitted shyly.
"Oh?" Victor suddenly realized something. "I bet I can put a name to the source of that discomfort…"
"Don't be smug about it, alright?" Richard felt a bit uncomfortable.
"I'm not being smug, man. Just trying to understand why you, out of all people, would be having troubles sleeping."
"There's this stupid feeling in my stomach…I just can't shake it. I can't close my eyes for hours." Richard almost whispered, as if he didn't want anyone to hear him say something like that.
"The butterflies?" Victor smirked, letting out a laugh.
"Shut up!" Richard scoffed. It wasn't funny.
"Oh man, she got you good this time." Victor kept on smirking and it annoyed Richard beyond belief.
"It will go away, okay? It's just a phase…"
"Yeah? Did you Google that?" Victor was enjoying this. He loved pushing Richard's buttons.
"As a matter of fact, I did! It said it's temporary!" Richard said defensively. He wasn't one to Google symptoms, but he liked what he had read.
"Yeah, it only lasts for as long as you live and breathe. Don't worry, after that it won't even matter." Victor leaned against the table, not afraid of Richard at that moment.
At any other given time, Richard would have either punched him jokingly, or thrown whatever object he had near him, at Victor. But when he was in public, he was the definition of calm and peaceful. He was an incredibly well-mannered man. In public, that is.
"Dude, stalk her ass and contact her!" Victor urged him. It was the only thing that made sense.
"No, Vic. After what I did to her, I don't have the right to do that. She has a life, a job, her friends. I owe it to her to give her the time and space to make her own decisions, when it comes to me. Or to the version of me that she thinks I am, anyway…And then things are going to get even more complicated…"
"Hey, hey? Don't be quick to jump to conclusions, okay? She's an incredibly smart woman. If she ever reaches out, she is surely going to give you a chance to explain everything. She won't throw her life away, her pride away, only to then shoot you down. Lauren doesn't back down to a challenge, you know how she is…" Victor spoke calmly and he was making a lot of sense.
"Yeah, she's fierce. There's nothing Lauren can't overcome. She fights for what she wants and she defends what she believes in. Guess that's part of what made me…" He trailed off. No way was he going to finish that sentence.
"Made you what?" Victor tried to get those words out of Richard's mouth.
"You know what."
"Oh, come on. Give me the satisfaction of hearing you say it!" Victor frowned.
Richard was way too headstrong. He would never admit it out loud.
"Eat your financiers." Richard pointed at the tiny French almond cakes that accompanied Victor's order of a double espresso.
"You sound like such a dad." Victor laughed. He remembered a time when Richard had been stern like that, with someone else.
"Don't even try to make me feel even worse by hinting at…that." Richard sighed in annoyance. He was regretting his decision to get out of the office for lunch break. He could have been peacefully surrounded by millions of e-mails and papers to sign, right about now and he would have preferred it that way.
"Okay then, back to Lauren. How long do you think you should wait for her before you move on?" Victor's change of topic was not for the better, but at least it wasn't making Richard think of something else from his past.
"I'll never move on. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm always going to be in love with that woman." Richard concluded and that was all that Victor wanted to hear him say.
Admitting it was the first step. Victor had known all along, but he needed Richard to hear himself say those words out loud. It was therapeutic. Maybe the relief from speaking the truth would give him some peace of mind that night, maybe he would actually be able to fall asleep now.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
"Natasha36" Yes, Ben is the Assistant Director, so pretty high up on the ladder. Angie can make anyone have a good time, lol, she sure loves to party! Kind of like Clara, actually, they're similar in this. And what you said makes perfect sense: they do work together, both professionally and personally.
"rmpcmfan" Yes, there's a weird "understanding" between Angie and Clara. Definitely NOT the way Angie would act around other Agents! Hehe Clara adores Emily, I love seeing such a strong female friendship, so I'm building on it, in my story!
Don't you dare forget Ben, hehe, he will appear throughout the story, with his words of wisdom for Ems. And the part where the BAU voted anonymously for Emily is MY personal spin on what happened on the show. I kind of always imagined it would be cool if they ALL wanted HER! Yes, the BAU are amazing, I love seeing a team that works as well as they do, both on the job and as friends in their personal lives. The show did a great job showcasing just that, which is what caught my attention as a viewer...and also the fact that I'm very interested in Criminology :)
I feel for Richard too. I really wanna give him a hug..or a kiss, or five. LOL! Now, remember right now all he's supposed to know is that her name is Lauren, with no idea how to contact her. Also, he literally dumped her ass lol, so he knows he has no right to reach out, even if he had her contacts. It is entirely up to Emily to make the move and he respects that, while sulking in his misery. Maybe, just maybe, *wink* it will be worth the wait and definitely, oh definitely it would have been a good decision to wait!
"zhangxinna" Hehe, nope, someone else needs to step forward and talk to Emily about Richard/her moodiness lately. And GOOD it's good that you're thinking/analyzing things! Don't stop! I want this story to be a "detective" kind of a piece, where I give clues (and I've given many!) as to what the heck is going on, who is who, and the readers try to figure it all out. As a reader, that's what I'm drawn to, so as a "writer" that's what naturally comes out in all of my stories. That's also why I greatly appreciate this two-way feedback with my readers! It is so fun to hear what you guys think and I am super grateful to those ones who drop me a line after reading a chapter :)! And hmm, you may have caught a good clue, detective...Why was Angie so pissed at that comment? Hmm...Maybe Clara brushed on a touchy topic, for Angie. Maybe there is more. You'll find out, there are more clues to come! And OMG Richard, uhhh, poor little French pastry of mine, I really like the guy and I fully understand he is a made up character hahaha!
