CHAPTER 84

I CAN'T KEEP SHARING YOU WITH THEM

JJ had gotten back home late, that night. She had spent some time with Henry, since Mickey had already fallen asleep. Before going to bed she had called Emily on the phone, for their occasional 'I love you', but at had lasted only a couple of minutes. They had a way of communicating without saying much out loud.

JJ could not wait for it to be Monday morning, so she could wake up early and prepare the kids' favorite breakfast. Spending time with them in the morning was her favorite part of the day.

Apparently, one of them couldn't wait to spend time with her, either.

"Mommy, mommy, look!" Henry said with happy eyes. "Emmey wrote a poem!"

JJ was tired. No. She was exhausted. After the case they had, all she wanted was to feel the hot water pouring over her, to look at the steaming bathroom mirror in hopes of catching a glimpse of her face, and then to go to bed and have Will hold her for the rest of the night.

"Okay. I'm sure it is beautiful." She didn't even think about Henry's words, otherwise she would have immediately realized something was wrong. Very wrong.

Emily Prentiss? A poem? Yeah, if that poem was about the many ways she could strangle someone with her bare hands. That woman was the furthest anyone could ever imagine when it came to poems and romance.

"I have a few questions about it. I don't understand much..." Henry popped on JJ's bed and she knew he wasn't going to let it go.

Will was making his evening rounds in the house, making sure everything was safe, locked and ready for a night of calm sleep and no worries of anyone breaking in. Mickey was sleeping already and it pained JJ to not be able to talk to him now that she was back. The least she could do was give twice as much attention to Henry now, and he seemed like he needed it.

"Okay. What did you say it was, again?"

"A poem...I think. Then there are also many misspelled words, too." Henry replied cheerfully.

JJ laughed, it downed on her how ridiculous that sounded, now that she actually received Henry's verbal communication properly.

"Hi…I don't know how to do this…" She started reading out loud and, immediately, something sounded way off.

With her eyes she quickly scanned the page. It was written in beautiful handwritten cursive. First clue that Emily could not have produced this piece of art. Secondly, those 'spelling mistakes', as Henry had called them, were actually words and phrases in French. Yeah, Emily was fluent in French, so that was not a far stretch.

Third, and most important...

"OH MY GOD!" JJ could not hold back from gasping when she read who that poem was signed to.

"No, no, no, no, nooo!" Her heart had stopped beating. It was official - Jennifer Jareau's heart was now still and she was not functioning.

"What's wrong, mommy?" Henry's eyes quickly traced the point of the paper where JJ's wide eyes were now fixated on.

"Who is Lauren Reynolds?" He asked innocently.

"Nobody. Lauren Reynolds does not exist..." JJ replied to him before whispering the rest, to herself, in a failed attempt to make her still heart resume its normal functions. "Damn it, didn't I make sure of that!?"

Henry shrugged, unsure how to deal with the situation. His mommy never said bad words around him and Michael, so this was now new to him.

"Where did you find that?"

"In Emmey's apartment while she was in the kitchen, ordering pizza."

"God, would it hurt him to be a bit more specific?" JJ thought to herself, but she didn't want to put her own son through an interrogation, so she just smiled and accepted the fact that she would probably never know where this gem had been hidden.

"I don't think I like poems." Henry frowned.

Now bored, on top of being sleepy, he decided it would be best to go to bed.

Will entered the room and both him and JJ gave Henry a kiss goodnight before he walked to his own room. There had been a time when he would scream if anyone even suggested him sleeping anywhere other than in his parents' bed, but that was behind him now. At some point, for whatever reason, he had decided that he wanted to sleep in the other room. That was right about the time he got himself a baby brother. JJ had been extremely happy with how the Universe had worked in her favor. Good old days. Now it was Mickey who wanted to sleep with her and Will all the time.

"I thought we discussed this..." Will commented as soon as they were alone.

"Leaving work at work?" He nudged her memory when she gave him a confused look.

"Oh. Yeah. It's not work." She came off sincere, but then again, why did she still look so incredibly sad? "That's the problem."

"It's Emily again, isn't it?" Will knew. With a glance in JJ's eyes, he could see a pain and worry that she had reserved exclusively for Emily Prentiss.

"I'll be right back." JJ uttered before going back to the bathroom for the next half an hour.

"I never meant to find myself writing on this piece of paper, at night, while watching you sleep. And God, you look so peaceful and beautiful when you sleep. I can hear your breathing." JJ read to herself, praying that Emily hadn't gotten herself into another Lauren-connected international mess.

Emily had recently been gone for seven days and nobody knew her whereabouts. When she came back, she was different, JJ could tell. Like, she was broken, but still standing tall. Like she was doing her best to be Emily Prentiss. Like she was someone else, instead.

"There was this constant reminder that you will be gone. And I didn't know when." JJ was now almost at the middle of the poem, realizing that it did sound like a poem, after all.

Emotions. Raw emotions came out of that piece of paper. It was beautifully written, both because of the cursive and because of the words.

"The one thing I'm sure of is that I refuse to live another day with that overwhelming fear that, if I lose you out of sight for just a second, you might be gone. I hate that thought." JJ read and thought to herself: whoever that person is, that makes two of us!

"I know I'm never going to see your face again. I'm never going to touch you again. I'm never kissing those lips again." JJ shuddered, all of a sudden realizing this was intruding Emily's privacy in the worst of ways. But she could not stop reading. Not if that meant her finding out the reason why Emily was so broken. Yes, that case from a month ago was the main reason, but there was something else. Something that was on that piece of paper, if Emily had felt the need to keep it.

"I'm sorry…I don't want to fall in love with Lauren Reynolds!" She read the very last line of the letter and, by that line, she was already bawling her eyes out.

JJ could never hold her emotions when it came to the people she loved. And she was most definitely not afraid to cry.

She stayed in the bathroom for five more minutes, trying to make sense of it all. Did Emily fall in love…as Lauren? Who was this mystery man? If she was using her old alias, did it mean that she was back, working undercover? Had she been assigned a new case? Was that why she disappeared without a trace? Was she leaving the BAU again? Was she going to die one more time?

A knock on the door made JJ hurry up. She hid the letter underneath her shirt and splashed some water on her face. Walking out of the bathroom, she saw Will, looking at her disapprovingly.

"I can't just ignore-…" She started off, but his lips prevented her from speaking further.

He knew that speech by heart: can't ignore my friends when they are hurt, can't help my emotions, can't pretend like I'm fine when I know they are not. He hated that speech!

"I love you, JJ." He said and she already knew this was not going to end well.

"But I can't keep sharing you with them. It's not normal to share my wife with six other people." It was then that JJ saw him holding the blanket with one hand.

"Will…" She whispered, but he took a few steps backwards.

"No, Will…" She said, this time a bit whinier. It did not help.

"You love your job, I get it. I love mine, too." He said, shaking his head.

"So, where's the problem?"

"The problem is that you also love six people more than you love me and the kids." He said coldly.

"Oh, that is just not fair!" JJ nearly screamed. "How dare you even mention the kids? Whatever problems you think we might have, it's strictly between you and me!"

"Is that so? Do you know Mickey fell asleep on the rug, by the door, waiting for you to come back home tonight, so he could tell you how he won his drawing contest this weekend?"

"I was at work, Will. I can't always be at home and you knew that before we even started dating. Why is it such an issue now?"

"Did you also know that Henry is being bullied at school?"

"What? When did that happen?"

"A month ago."

Will's words left JJ speechless. A month ago? Surely not a coincidence that their last official case had been a month ago, too.

"That's right, Jennifer. He never told you about it, because he didn't want to add to your worries. You were constantly on the phone with Emily and the team, so you never noticed the signs."

"Okay, so I did not. Did you, though?" She said challengingly.

"Yes. I knew right away. Henry only came clean on Friday when the teacher called me to go get him from school."

"The teacher called?" JJ gasped. This was news to her.

"Yes. Oh, wait, weren't you going through old case files at that moment? Yes, I believe you were."

"Stop meddling with my work. It's not the reason why you hate me."

"I never said I hated you. In fact, I said that I love you. Which is why I need to do this…" He turned around, taking a step towards the living room, with the blanket now dragging on the floor, behind him.

"No, this is not over! You don't just get to pour it all out on me and leave. That's not how it works!"

"It doesn't actually work, JJ. Not anymore." He replied, hinting at their relationship instead.

After hearing that, she wasn't sure if she even wanted to fight for him anymore. At that moment she felt tired. Upset. Disappointed. She needed time to cool off and figure out her next move.


Richard and Sasha had made it back to Paris. He was enraged that this entire get-away had been all for nothing and it had not brought him any closer to Zenum. Instead, it revolved around his precious Bella, possibly executing some big name from the criminal world. He'd never let that happen. He knew Bella wouldn't mind, but that was not the point. He had once vowed to protect her and he would do so until the last breath he'd take.

Richard was having a relaxing evening, lounging on the terrace of his home, with a glass of tasty red wine on the side, overlooking Paris at night.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" He heard a small voice, very clearly.

Instinctively, he turned around, but nobody was there.

"I've never seen a city, as beautiful as this one. And you know I'm very well-traveled." The voice came up once again and Richard still did not see a single soul nearby.

Was he losing his mind?

He stared at the bottle, wondering exactly how much he had drank already. He only remembered pouring himself one glass and he wasn't even halfway done with it.

"You wanna know about my day?" The young voice asked cheerfully.

He decided to not even fight this, whatever it was. A hallucination? His imagination? Memories, flying back? Whatever it was, he enjoyed it. Those words, that small voice…he remembered it all, but he wasn't opposed to being reminded, yet one more time.

"Of course you want to know! You always ask me about my day. Okay, so I flanked the stupid math test at school, but before you yell at me, just bear in mind that it is not realistic to expect a child to be good at everything! And you can't deny I'm great with languages and other subjects."

The voice kept on speaking and he just relaxed against the soft, extra cushioned garden-like bed, allowing himself to enjoy whatever his subconscious would chose to remind him of.

"My teacher asked for a parent or a guardian to finally go visit the school. There's this orientation day where the teachers are supposed to tell you what they think would be the best future career path for me, based on my performance."

Those words made him wince.

"Yeah, I know you can't show your face publicly, as yourself. I told some dumb lie, so the teacher would drop it. Plus, do we really need her to tell me about my future career? Come on, we both know what that would be!"

The young girl said innocently, but then Richard heard a new voice. It was his voice.

"I really don't want you to go down this dark career path, mon cœur." He heard himself say to the girl that he always called 'my heart', in French.

"Too late now." He could swear that, along with hearing her cute voice, he could also see her smirk in his face, now that his eyes were closed and everything seemed like a movie.

"Don't be like that, come on. You've always known exactly who I am and exactly what my life will be like. You know, you should consider yourself lucky. Not many kids have a carefully thought-out life plan for themselves, by the age of ten." She continued speaking and it felt like she was right there, next to him.

He smiled, but it pained him. He missed her presence.

"Plus, I know I'll always have you, to save me from any danger. I'm not scared. I can't wait!" She added.

"My sweet little baby, please wait a little longer before making such plans for yourself. Those are big decisions and you are just a child…" Richard heard his voice once again and he remembered having the same exact conversation, using the same words and same intonation with this girl, many years ago.

"Let me repeat this, because I don't think I made myself clear the first time – you knew everything about me and you signed up for it. Now zip it and drink your wine and let me enjoy my book in silence. Oh and, je t'aime tellement! Now, can I have some wine, please?" She loved telling him how much she loved him. It was their little thing. They'd call each other nicknames and they had the best inner jokes in the world. They were a duo that nobody could mess with and if they dared to try – they surely would never win against them.

Also, that girl was a master manipulator. She had worked her magic with her sweet talk before she asked for wine.

"No! You already had a few sips with the dinner. That's enough for tonight." Richard heard himself reply. "Did you pack your suitcases for Lisbon? Remember, it's going to be at least two weeks this time, so make sure you grab anything you might need."

He had never been stern with her. He'd let her sip on wine if she wanted to, making sure she didn't feel restrained when it came to drinking, smoking, or doing other stupid things. In his mind, if she wasn't prohibited to do them, she wouldn't even find them fun to do. Which, years later, had proven to be a damn good way to go.

"I only packed one suitcase. I figured I could go shopping once we get there. What? Oh, don't give me that look! You don't want me to go around, looking like a French tourist, do you? I have to blend in, thus, I have to go buy clothes at the local shops. Duh! You boys know nothing about girls, I swear!" She folded her hands and looked away from him. "Now, when we get there, can I try Ginjinha?"

"If that's a fizzy drink, then yes, you can." He replied. "And fine, shopping it is. Jesus, I'll go bankrupt with you around." He laughed, but the truth was there was nothing he loved doing more than to watch her drool over clothes.

She wasn't big on spending a lot of money, but occasionally she'd want to go shopping. She hated doing that with the kids from her school, because they acted all childish and she was annoyed. All they wanted was fast food and the brand new sneakers from whatever brand. She, however, had an eye for luxury looking items. She owned one too many dresses and she even got away with wearing the tiniest heels, to some events where Richard could take her along with him.

"Ehm, well, it's infused ginja berries…and those are sour cherries by the way." She had told him.

"Infused in what?" Richard was a smart man, he knew this girl had an agenda. She always did.

"Well, in order for it to turn into a liquor, typical for Lisbon, they're infused in alcohol…" She bit her lip. "But it's sour cherry! See? It's practically fruit…but to drink…"

"No! You are ten years old! You already get away with way too much wine."

"But it's France! Come on, it's Paris! You don't want me to grow up and turn into a sloppy drunk, making a fool out of myself in my teens, when hanging out with my friends!"

"That does not worry me one tiny bit. What preoccupies me is that you refuse to make friends your own age and, instead, you make friends with my friends! You need to have extra activities, you know, some fun after school." Richard had tried his best to argue with her, on many occasions, but she always refused to participate in anything that involved children.

"Your friends are awesome and they teach me all the coolest stuff! And I do have things to do after school, I go to dance class, remember? Which reminds me – how am I going to finish my dance semester if I move to Lisbon now?"

"I've already searched for dance schools over there, don't worry. And since it's a quick move, you won't be going to a local school. I've enrolled you in the international school, you'll be speaking in English."

"I don't like English." She said with a grimace. "I'd rather learn Portuguese and go to a normal school, not for privileged rich foreigners, as usual. Please?"

"In two months? It's not even worth trying. And it's fairly impossible." Richard had no doubt in his mind she would try, anyway.

"Yes, I don't mind. Watch me! I just want to go to a normal school. Please?"

"Alright, I'll make the arrangements tomorrow. Now come give me a hug and enjoy your book, sweetheart." He told her, handing her a peach juice and some snack bar. He had previously grabbed them from the kitchen, knowing that she'd join him right after her evening shower. She always did that. no matter how tired she was, she'd always bring her book or her school assignments, and she'd sit where he was, and study silently. Sometimes he'd find her curled into a ball, sound asleep, with her head resting over her textbook. But she would always refuse to go to bed before him and she would wait for as long as she needed to, whenever he had a work call to finish, e-mails to reply or whatever new project to work on.

"Thank you for putting up with me, even though you technically are not obliged to." She whispered in his ear while making sure her tiny hands would cover as much of him as possible, as she hugged him.

"I do it because I love you, my koala bear. You are the best kid one could ever dream of having."

After that, Richard heard silence. He tried hard to keep the memory going, but that was all he was able to hear and remember of that day, many years ago.


AUTHOR'S NOTE:

IMPORTANT: THE LAST PART IS ENTIRELY A FLASHBACK FROM RICHARD'S PAST! It starts in the present when he's drinking wine on the terrace, and everything else is a Flashback!

"rmpcmfan" Richard won't ever give Bella up! And yes, in their line of work (which, for Richard is still undefined officially lol), it is extremely hard to get a new life and forget about things you've seen or done. His protective instincts kick wild, when it comes to Bella's well-being and "new life". You will hear more about Bella in the story, maybe you'll see her in flashbacks, too ;) As for Emily, that super secret case that nobody talks about really screwed her up. Rossi keeps telling her she needs help about it, but there's only this much denial Emily could muster before she breaks. Question is: will she break and hurt herself or someone else...or will she break (emotionally) and go search for help? Will Emily Prentiss, for once, do the right thing? LOL!

"Nichole" There are a few questions that I won't ever give a Yes/No answer to and yours was one of them :) A lot of people are rooting for it to be true, so it won't be fair if I spoiled anything big, for the ones who don't want to know before things get revealed in the story :) But I can tell you this much: Emily was pregnant at 15, now add Angie's 23 years of age to the mix and you can see the math doesn't really add up :P Also, Emily turned into Lauren only about 10 years ago, so... :) But...anything is possible, maybe there will be twists and turns! And one thing I can say with absolute certainty: Angie and Reid are NEVER happening (as a couple! Because they might become friends and hang out, but never romantically!)!

Guys/Girls, my idea is not the craziest, most insane and unbelievable thing in the world. It's just a story that I like to write in my free time and I share with people online and it would obviously not be everyone's cup of tea. Everyone chooses to read the stories they enjoy, this is our passtime and we should all be happy, spending time on this website :)

Sadly, I can admit that Angie is not Rossi's identical twin brother, who changed his gender and has undergone insane new high-tech revitalizing treatments, so he now looks 23 and is out there to fool everyone and destroy the world with his telekinetic superpowers, as a girl nonetheless. That would have been super original, but it isn't what I'm writing about lol.

I'm just a sweet, bubbly gal who likes detective mysteries/suspense and is writing in a language that is not native to her. I sometimes write on my commute to work, or while waiting in a line somewhere. It makes me feel good and it's just an ordinary little thing I do. I'm not a writer or a genius, sadly hehehe!