CHAPTER 88

I GOT KICKED OUT OF THERAPY

"How was therapy" Bryan asked when Angie came back for the afternoon classes.

"Weird..." She sat down and seemed a bit more quiet than usual. A bit more grown up. "But good. It was good" She added.

"If it helps, I've been to therapy for years now. You know, with SWAT and everything..." He said, trying to comfort her. That morning she had seemed quite upset over the fact that she was being forced to go talk to someone.

"I'm fine. Therapy is part of what I'm signing up for. I know I'd have to talk to strangers about my feelings once I start doing actual work in here. This was just a teaser, a trial of what is to come. And I'm okay with that." She seemed genuine. She also knew that Bryan had issues and they surely were another reason for him to have sought therapy. But she was smart enough not to confront him about that. Not just yet.

"Wow, this really is starting to feel competitive now..." He changed the topic, looking around and noticing how few Trainees were left. It was good to still be there, but a bit nerve-wracking to start week five with about one third of the people, compared to week one.

"Like I once said - we are going to crush this and we are going to graduate and get the jobs we want and we are going to have a home!" The last words just rolled out from Angie's mouth, having to do with her very recent talk to her new therapist.

Bryan also knew Angie had issues and he never allowed himself to ask her anything about her personal life. They had this relationship where they would be super close, yet they remained complete strangers. And it worked. So, why break something that works?


"Hello Emily. How was your morning?" Rossi greeted her with a smile as she walked in.

"I got kicked out of therapy...so there's that." She admitted, feeling like a naughty teenager to say something like that.

"Oh, you went?" It wasn't a question, despite his raised intonation towards the end. It was an affirmation, one that gave him so much satisfaction.

"I tried. It didn't work out. I went to Martha Allen, like you suggested. God, I love that woman. She is so incredibly smart and she's done wonders for me, in the past. But it just wasn't working this time."

"Weird. She's usually able to get under anyone's skin and find the route of their troubles. Then again, you Emily Prentiss are not just anyone." He laughed lightly, placing a hand on her shoulder and guiding her to the reunion room.


"How's it going back at Quantico?" Savannah asked casually while taking the empty plates and glasses off the table.

"Good." Morgan was a man of few words.

"Then why do you look sad, daddy?" A tiny version of Derek ran towards him, giving him a hug.

"I...uh..." He stuttered, which was not something he usually did. He was a strong man. He was a profiler, for God's sake! He always knew the right thing to say.

"Baby, why don't you go play with your new toy truck?" Savannah smiled, knowing that the only way to unglue the kid from his father was to mention the truck.

It worked like magic. He was out of there in two seconds and Morgan had to pout a little, wondering why a truck was more important. But then again, kids!

"Derek, you are losing yourself again." Savannah started a conversation that was long overdue.

They had been back for about two weeks now and each time Morgan came back from the Academy, he seemed upset.

"No I'm no-..." His lies were stopped by her lips. Kissing him was one of the few things that could calm him down.

"I've seen you lost, after that case that changed our lives. Derek, you dropped your life and your job, to move to the other side of the world. And you were still lost. I know you weren't happy. And I know you wanted to be back, but now that you are - you seem even more upset. I can't figure it out."

A long moment of silence was followed by a small confession.

"I'm not really back..."

All she could do was sit by his side and hold him tight. She knew he missed being out on the field. He missed his team. They were the reason he came back. Especially Emily. And yet, he hadn't even told them he was back. So, was he really back?

Savannah never told him how upset it made her to be living in a rental house. Like she knew that Derek was having second thoughts about coming back. Like she knew that at any moment he could call the shots and fly them off to some place new and then they'd start this pretense new life all over again, just to find themselves back at Quantico once more. Because, no matter how hard Morgan tried, Quantico was always going to be endgame for him. When was he going to be happy? Where was he going to be happy?

"I'm sorry for being so impossible to deal with. You, woman, are amazing. You put up with me and I love you for that. I need you to know that I have never taken you for granted." He leaned into her, like Emily had leaned into him just days ago. Willingly. Lovingly. Needily.

"I want you to be happy." She whispered against his shoulder and felt like he shook his head, as if he was telling her he doubted he could ever be happy again, when it came to his job.


"Where did that come from?" Emily asked in shock.

"We just wanted to have another get together." JJ shrugged innocently.

The team had finished their paperwork regarding the case they had just closed and they had then taken the time to chat a bit, still in the reunion room.

JJ had hit Emily with the news that the team had unanimously decided to have a get together at her house.

"At my house?" Emily was suspicious. The team would usually gather at Rossi's.

"Yeah, you have a...great view...of the..." JJ stuttered.

"It's because of your mad cooking skills. JJ is just in denial about it." Reid said, all cute, knowing that his little joke would take the heat off of JJ. He was willing to help her out, even after the way she treated him earlier that day.

"Oh, you guys are having pizza and you're all going to pretend to be fine with that!" Emily stated. There was no way she would cook for an army of seven.

"Fine, we can all go to your place after work then." JJ shivered. Emily noticed that.

"Tonight? I haven't even made my bed..." She felt weird to be confessing that. Her kitchen was also a mess and she had thrown two pairs of pants on her living room sofa. Her house was an accurate representation of her life at that moment - a mess.

"Emily, none of us is interested in your bed." Tara pointed out.

"Speak for yourself! If Morgan was here, you'd be singing a whole different song." Garcia pointed out, as usual, in a very 'out there' manner.

"What? I cannot be the only one to have had those thoughts..." Garcia continued when she saw everyone giving her disapproving looks.

Back in the days, especially when Emily started at the BAU, everyone had their doubts about her relationship with Morgan. They had gotten so close so fast, it just seemed suspicious.

"Fine, I'll see you tonight then." Emily muttered.

"Where are you going?" Reid's curiosity was raising as he saw her grab her jacket and bag.

"I have to go beg someone to do something for me. And then I have to go tidy up at home." With that excuse, Emily left.


"Congratulations!" Victor said cheerfully, approaching Richard with a glass of champagne in his hand.

"I wouldn't have done it without you." Richard replied modestly.

"Without all of you, guys. Thank you for everything. You go out there, day after day, and you keep giving your absolute best. I couldn't have asked for a better team, for a better job. Thank you, really…" Richard turned his reply to Victor into a spontaneous little speech, for everyone to hear.

His home was invaded by a few dozen people from work. Richard loved hosting, it made him feel a little less alone in that apartment. There wasn't this much echo anymore, when people were around. There wasn't this silence that was killing him. Instead, there was laughter, occasionally someone would go smoke a cigarette on the terrace and someone from the youngsters would mess with the playlist, but it was okay – Richard loved their company.

Sometimes, just like that night, he'd gather people in his house, to celebrate a case closed, a job well done.

"We're lucky both guys decided to talk and to testify in court. Well plaid, Boss. Plus, you managed to get that poor elder woman out of there, alive and unharmed. That's a double win…and a double shot of tequila for me, yay!" Sasha congratulated him in her own feisty way.

"Consuelo? Yeah, she's such a sweet woman. I can't believe those idiots would kidnap someone, to have them cook for them. Amateurs!" Richard commented, thinking of the case.

Everything had gotten resolved and this get-together celebrated the end of this chapter. The two kidnappers had been kept at a secret location, by Richard's organization, and they had been…well, forced to cooperate, if they wanted to keep all five fingers per hand. At the end, their bosses and all the others from their gang had been apprehended and given long enough sentences. Some had fallen victims to police fire, but it had hardly been a loss too big. Those criminals had been running the streets, doing illegal swaps of questionable drugs with other gangs, and basically making sure that the entire city was not safe. Well, that was no longer the case. With them in jail now, the other gangs had calmed down and backed off a little bit, afraid they might get caught as well. Things were slowly going back to normal, back on the streets.

While Richard's colleagues enjoyed some fine champagne, wine or shots, combined with the top catering that Richard had provided, he observed silently, smiling to himself. So many things were going through his mind.

He saw Sasha with her husband by her side. Sasha was enjoying the shots while he stuck to just a glass of wine, making sure he'd be in good shape, to drive her back home later. That was how Richard knew she was in good hands. He admired their marriage, they were young, but so in love. He saw the way this guy looked at Sasha and it reminded him of the days he was their age – young and crazy in love with the woman he would later on marry.

Finally peeling his eyes off of Sasha and her husband, he noticed another one of his colleagues – the guy who had helped Richard out of his bounds, when Consuelo and him had gotten rescued. A beautiful woman was now giggling, standing right next to him and stealing an occasional kiss. Richard was close enough to them to overhear this woman's accent. They spoke in English and she had an eastern European accent. It wasn't rare, in his line of work, to see mixed couples. They often worked with foreigners, spoke in different languages, went to events abroad. Richard himself had fallen for a foreigner…

Lauren…

He gulped, realizing that even at a party, surrounded by so many people, he still wanted her. Only her.

Without raising suspicion, Richard walked to his office room, at home. It was a big space, with shelves, holding some of the books he had read. On the walls, there were a bunch of achievement plaques, University diplomas, appraisals from the Mayor of Paris and the list went on. He was proud of everything he had achieved and, looking around, he realized it was quite a lot, actually.

Yet, something was missing…

He unblocked his phone and searched for a photo, which he then glued his eyes to, for what seemed like an eternity.

A beach, in the background; a moon in the sky; him, taking the photo with one hand, while the other hand held what felt like the most precious thing to his heart – her. And then, her lips, pressing against his cheek ever so softly; her eyes squinted, as if she was giggling, just like the youngsters he had just left to entertain themselves in his living room. Her hair, a bit messy from the breeze, but it was perfect. To him, she was perfect. This photo was perfect. Their memories were perfect.

The fact that she was not making contact at all – a little less perfect…

He swirled what was left of his champagne, in the flute, eyeing the bubbles it made. He needed a distraction, he needed to take his eyes off of her, because the more he looked at her, the more it was becoming clear that he would never see her again. And Richard loved living in his world of denial. Years ago he had taught the mastery of denial to someone young and now he needed to remind himself all the tricks and hacks of suppressing painful thoughts to the point where he could not only fool everyone else that he was fine, but he could fool his biggest critic as well - himself.

There were people talking loudly now, in the living room, the music had been turned up a bit and there was a faint smell of cigarette smoke all around the house as the terrace doors were left open and the smoke inevitably went inside as well. But through it all, he could only hear silence…the silence that had been driving him mad lately. He could only see emptiness, like there was nobody else in this home, apart from him. Yes, there were people, physically in the house at that moment, but there was nobody home. It didn't feel like a home.

"I knew I could find you here." Victor said, startling him as he walked in his office room. "Thinking about Lauren?"

"Oui." Richard replied shortly, merely stating the obvious.

Victor walked over to Richard's work desk, picking up a framed photo and examining it.

"I'm a damn good photographer!" Victor laughed, to brighten up the situation.

"She's a damn good model." Richard said with a smile, catching a glimpse of the photo.

It was of him, years ago, with Bella, at the age of eleven. They were all dressed up for some formal event at the US Embassy, one that Bella had begged him to take her to, and Victor had snapped this photo. Both were smiling, with Bella standing tall, acting all grown up and serious, even with a smile. Her hair had been curled in the ends, she had a headband with rhinestones on and she had begged Richard to allow her to wear the tiniest bit of make-up, too. Combined with her designer dress and small heels, she looked fifteen. Bella had always been stunningly beautiful and he remembered every curve on her face- her lips, her tiny dimples, the shape of her nose and those eyes of hers that used to look at him with approval.

"You know, in a perfect world, the three of you would be the picture perfect family." Victor said with a sigh, thinking of Richard and Lauren, with Bella running around. And then he remembered that Bella was not eleven anymore. She was a grown up and it was now her time to make a life for herself, with someone else.

Richard did not reply. He didn't have to. He already knew exactly how he felt about Lauren and exactly how much he wanted Bella back in his life. In a perfect world they really would be the family he's always wanted.


AUTHOR'S NOTE:

"rmpcmfan" Yup, Dr. Allen has been with the Bureau for years, she's older than Emily which makes Emily trust and respect her even more. If anyone can get through to Emily, it might be her...but we'll see how this works out. At this point Dr. Allen thinks Emily is wasting her own time, as she clearly does not want to come out and say what is troubling her, so it is doubtful she would ever allow "Emily Prentiss" to get assigned to another therapy session with her. Guess Em will have to get creative :P Yes, Angie considers herself "abandoned" by someone, twice, and it's a huge part of this new story arc that just started. Angie's flashbacks did not show the abandonment moment, but they did show the person responsible for her pain. Oh yeah, it will be revealed, but it's too big of a puzzle piece, so it will take some time. Also, hmm, you may be on to something there, Sherlock...I can confirm that yes, the person in Emily's past is "Jess", the name that Clara let slip out in a heated moment. But how does Clara fit in and why do the three of them know (of) each other? *wink*

"sweetkid45" Ehehe, the Mexico talk reminds me of those times when Reid was in a Mexican jail! He surely would have been fed Mexican beans, too :)