CHAPTER 89

EMILY, WE'RE LOSING HER

"Emily, I cannot do that-..."

"It's not a good enough excuse!" She cut him off. She was not having any of it. She was done with negative answers.

She had taken the rest of the afternoon off, so she could go beg someone, for something, before going to get a few things and preparing to host a dinner that JJ had so graciously invited everyone to, at Emily's house, to be precise…and without Emily's knowledge, too.

"It is way beyond my paygrade."

"Ben, keep in mind who you work for! Can't you ask him a favor?" Emily tried to use another tactic.

"Yeah, puppy eyes don't work on me, Prentiss." He laughed. She had been so obvious. "And yes, I can ask him a favor. I do ask him for favors sometimes. Most of those times the favors have to do with terrorism and cybercrime. You know, stuff of that importance."

"Oh, so just because it is my personal request, that makes it less important?" She took offense.

"Look, I get that for whatever reason this is important to you, but this is not the Bureau's top priority - you do realize that, right?"

"Yeah..." Emily had to admit it. Her request was nothing short of a dumb one. Yet, she had to try.

"I have to say, I'm a bit confused as to how you managed to change your mind so quickly after sending it in?"

Emily rolled her eyes. The team had really let her down this time. Ever since they had forged her signature and sent those budget cut proposals in, she was holding a grudge. She would look at them and treat them as if nothing had happened, but she was upset. She was let down. She hadn't expected her team to act that way.

"I sent the wrong proposal, by mistake." She looked at him, hoping she'd be able to convince him this was the truth.

"Well, Emily, you're a grown up. You should have checked twice before hitting that Send button. I'm sorry, but you have to accept the consequences. Nothing can be done now." Ben was firm about it and he needed her to understand that she had to stop trying to find a way to undo what she, presumably, had done.

"Well, Ben, being a grown up sucks." She said, a bit childishly.

Somehow, he saw through her act. She was rebellious and he'd always known that, but this time, it was something else. She wasn't being reckless. She wasn't bribing him. She wasn't rude and she did not lie, at least not to his knowledge. On the contrary – she appeared honest and vulnerable and something about her eyes made him sigh. There was sadness, like she knew she had to accept the consequences, but it was something that upset her greatly.

"Anyway. Thank you for your time and for the coffee. I appreciate you always being real with me, Boss." She smiled, getting up from the bench where they had spent their coffee break sitting on and talking.

"I'm really sorry, Emily…"

"Yeah. Me too." This time she did not look him in the eyes.

She walked off, not wanting to let him see her upset. And that broke his heart a little bit.

Through all the years of this weird friendship, Emily had never asked for anything. Not once. Each time she or her team had been in trouble, she had put her big girl pants on and she had dealt with it on her own. There had been some pretty serious issues going on, with Reid being in jail and other members of her team being on probation. Her whole team was just under a major investigation and yet, she had never dared utter a word, to request a favor from him.

So, why would she ask for something so small and seemingly insignificant now? Why would that be making her so upset?

Why was it so hard for Ben to be okay with himself, after shutting her request down?


After a very unsatisfactory talk with Ben, Emily ultimately found herself at the one and only place that gave her some peace – the Mall. She had a couple of hours to waste and she decided to go around a few shops and treat herself to something new, before going to the lower level, where the supermarket was situated. She was going to order pizza for everyone that evening, but she wanted to make sure she had the good wine and maybe a few appetizers to offer as well.

The first shop Emily hit was for clothes, but she didn't find anything she liked. Then she walked in Heaven, which for her was any shoe shop. Sadly, nothing really spoke to her, so she walked out empty-handed as well. Maybe it just wasn't a good day for shopping.

At some point she decided to drop her desire to waste money and to go get herself a sweet treat instead. There was a pastry bar that she loved going to, but it was French-themed and it would surely remind her of him.

Her feet kept a steady rhythm on their way there as she tried to block the memories of the man who had dumped her. The more she thought about him, the more she hated him and the more she hated him, the more she realized it wasn't hate at all. She could not come up with a good word for how she felt about him, but 'hate' was not cutting it.

Suddenly, it felt like he was right there, next to her. Something reminded her of him, it tickled her senses and she felt like she was starting to sweat. She stopped walking and she looked around – people were walking by, but none of them looked like Richard. She heard men talking, but their voices sounded nothing like Richard's. Then what was it? Why this vivid memory of him?

"Would you like to check out our newest fragrance?" A young girl, standing at the entrance of a perfume and cosmetics shop, invited Emily over.

Without much thinking, she took a few steps towards the girl and there it was – the reason why it felt like Richard was right there.

The girl sprayed on a piece of paper, waving it around a couple of times, to let the scent set, before handing it to Emily.

"It's the new male fragrance – Sauvage, by Dior. It's exclusive to our chain of shops, it hits the world market next week. Maybe you'd like to make a special gift, for that special someone in your life?" The promoter spoke softly, but all Emily could hear was Richard's voice instead.

In her mind, she could swear he was right there, in front of her. That scent, it was his perfume. He had been using it all week long and there was no doubt in Emily's mind that this was the same fragrance. She remembered being hypnotized by the scent, when she was on top of him, with no clothes between them. It had been just her and just him, wearing just their perfumes of choice. She could never be wrong – this was exactly what he smelled like.

And, weirdly, her olfactory senses were pretty satisfied now, standing at the entrance of a shop, with some stranger talking to her, but all she could see and all she could feel was his presence. It was strangely soothing to her. Suddenly, she found herself smiling, bringing the piece of paper closer to her nose and inhaling deeply, closing her eyes and allowing herself a long moment in which she remembered his touch, his smile, his lips. It felt good. She knew she was out of her mind and that it was most definitely not normal to have such a strong reaction to just some perfume, but she could not help it. It felt so damn good.

"Wait, how is this perfume not out yet?" She suddenly remembered what the girl had said.

"It's brand new. This is an exclusive pre-launch, but it won't be sold for the next seven days, anywhere in the world, except in our chain." The promoter told her, strategically pointing at the entrance of the shop.

"But I know someone who had this perfume, like a few weeks ago." Emily countered.

"I'm afraid that's impossible. It had only been sent out to celebrities, magazine editors and politicians, as a complementary pre-launch PR package. So, maybe this person falls in one of those categories…" The promoter explained.

"I shall only hope it's the celebrity category…." Emily bit her bottom lip.

A magazine editor would be the last thing she could picture him as, but if Richard turned out to be a politician it would be an actual deal breaker for her.

Deal breaker? Where had her mind taken her? Why was she even thinking about him? About them? As far as she was concerned, there was no 'them'. She hated him. She despised him. She was mad at him.

And then again – 'hate' was not what she felt for him and the thought of that was driving her absolutely insane.

"So, what if I wanted to buy one of those?" Emily said, against her better judgment.

What the Hell was she going to do with a male fragrance? She was surely not going to gift it to any one of her colleagues, so that she'd be forced to re-live the memories of Richard on a daily basis, when they started using it. That would be just weird. Plus, all the guys on her team had their own favorite perfumes to use and Emily knew that they never changed or experimented. Guys…

"Like I said, it is exclusive to our chain and you can get it right now, if you want to." The smiling promoter said.

Emily wasted no time in grabbing a bottle and she didn't even mind having to wait in line, to pay for it. Strangely, she was not tempted to buy anything for herself. Each time she had been in this shop, she had been forced to command herself to go easy on the make-up and perfumes. But not this time. There was only one thing she wanted and she was holding on to the package for dear life.

She felt a bit awkward, handing it to the cashier to be scanned, realizing her hands had been all sweaty, thus the package was now sweaty as well.

It was quite pricy, but she did not give a damn. She later found herself strutting contently down the hallways of the Mall, holding a bag of sweet memories. Memories of him. Money well spent, as far as she was concerned. What would she do with that product, she had no idea. It was an impulse decision, a desire so strong that she could not deny it to herself. But she knew she wanted it and she knew she had to have it. And she also knew that she could not deny herself the pleasure of being reminded of him, in such a vivid way.

What she still had no idea about was the fact that a perfume would not hold off her hunger for him, not for long anyway. It would turn out not to be enough. She'd want more. She'd need more. She'd soon be faced with the challenge of having to deny herself what she really wanted – him. Would she be able to? Or would she cave in? Emily Prentiss was an incredibly stubborn woman, she could keep up appearances and live in denial for years, but there was one thing she could never deny herself and that was her insatiable need for all the things Richard gave her…all the things he did to her.

The next thing on her agenda was the supermarket and she quickly browsed through the isles that interested her, going out with two bags full of everyone's favorite appetizers and bottles of her favorite wine. She stuffed everything in the trunk of her car, but the small bag with the perfume was placed carefully on the passenger's seat. Was she losing her mind? Was this her weird, twisted way of placing Richard there, by her side? Why was she unable to shake him off? Why was he there, each time she closed her eyes? Why was it so hard to fall asleep at night, without having a dream about him? Why was time unable to give her peace and why did she feel a stronger urge to see him again, to kiss him again? What was wrong with her? Was she not going through enough emotional torture, with the aftermath of that one damned case they had recently worked on? Was it not hard enough for her to have certain other memories from her past, haunting her? Why was it impossible to forget him, on top of all that? Why him? Why, after all those years, why did she feel this insane need to be with someone? Not just someone, but him!

Walking back home, she stuffed the perfume in the safety box, knowing that if she didn't put it away instantly she would be tempted to spray it all around her house and that would make for a very uncomfortable conversation with her dinner guests, in just a couple of hours. How could she explain her home smelling like she had just had some company, right before the guests arrived? That would surely be embarrassing. And yet again, she could not wait to bring a piece of Richard inside her home. She'd surely make a run to the safe box, the second her last guest would walk out of the house that evening.

She was losing her mind. Surely. Positively. She was going insane.


"Hey, come in." Emily greeted her first house guest that night.

"Where's JJ?" Reid asked, scanning the living room. Because, really, JJ was always the first person he asked about.

"She's not here yet."

"I find that weirdly suspicious. She is always the first one to arrive. I kind of hate that about her. She beats me to it, every time." He pouted a bit.

"Well, think about it this way – first guest gets to help me set up the table. Do you really want to be that person?" Emily said challengingly. Everyone hated housework, especially if invited to someone else's house.

"Yes!" Reid said with a smile, his reply surprising her.

"I want plates and glasses duty, please. Don't tell him I told you that, but Rossi is going to be late because he's making runs to every shop, trying to find your favorite wine, the expensive one, to surprise you."

"Oh, I guess I should act surprised then." Emily laughed. She would have preferred not knowing about it, so that it would actually be a surprise. But, God bless Reid, she wasn't going to tell him that.

"Go set up and I'll be right back. I'm writing down the order."

"Like you don't remember exactly how each one of us likes our pizza." He challenged her.

"Oh, Reid, you know I do, but I'm getting sides from another restaurant and I want to make sure I have enough for everyone. Although I do have appetizers, so this might be a bit too much, but hey, who cares? Rossi is coming over with Krystal and I guess Matt and Luke are bringing the girls, too. I might end up needing more chairs, now that I think about it."

"And JJ's with Will…" Reid added.

Emily shot him a glance, but said nothing.

The doorbell rang and Emily went to open.

"Oh, speaking of the Devil." She welcomed Luke in, adding the automatic question after that. "Where's Lisa?"

Luke seemed extremely concentrated on unzipping his jacket, so he didn't give her much of a reply. Lisa was obviously not with him.

"Hold up!" Tara called out when Emily was about to close the door to her apartment. Matt and her were just getting out of the elevator at that moment.

Emily excused herself for a moment, placing the call to order everything she wanted. When she joined them back in the living room, she saw that everyone had already arrived.

"Where's JJ?" She had to ask, because it was not normal that JJ would be last one to arrive, without a warning.

"I tried calling her, but she didn't reply." Reid shrugged.

Rossi started talking about something and everyone's attention shifted to his story.

Half an hour later, JJ finally arrived.

"Hey, sorry I'm late." She said weakly, standing as far away from Emily as possible.

Emily moved closer, watching JJ take two steps back. Something was off.

"JJ!?" Emily gasped when she realized why JJ was keeping the distance. "Don't tell me you drove like this!"

"N-no…" JJ smiled forcefully. "I sat in your parking lot for a while…"

"And what, you drank a bottle of vodka on your own?" Emily raised an eyebrow. JJ reeked of alcohol.

"Gin. God, I hate gin." JJ could feel her tongue burning. She disliked the taste, so much.

"Oh, ChayChay." Emily put her hand around JJ's shoulder, guiding her in and straight to the bathroom.

"I'm sorry…" JJ said, looking at the tiles, unable to look Emily in the eyes.

"What is going on with you?"

"I just needed something to make me forget the latest case." She shrugged, but Emily was not buying it. JJ had suffered way worse and she was a trooper. Being kidnapped for an hour was not going to make her drink her feelings away.

"Aha, the case. Sure." Emily cleared her throat in a very intimidating way. JJ knew she was busted, from the moment Emily laid eyes on her. "And Will's not here, because of the case, too?"

JJ closed her eyes and sighed.

Emily shook her head. When will JJ learn to lie? She was great at lying, just not to Emily.

"Here, wash your face. Put some make-up on. Come on, it's going to be okay…"

That hand, rubbing JJ's back as she leaned over the sink and splashed cold water on her face – it was so warm and comforting.

"I'm driving you home tonight." Emily stated once JJ was done applying make-up.

She looked much more fresh now, with some blush on her cheeks and a hint of color on her lips, too.

She also did not tell Emily she had no desire to go home that night. The kids would be sound asleep by then and she'd only just have to face Will, if he even decided to go back to sleeping in their bedroom anyway.

They walked out of the bathroom, joining an ongoing conversation about Matt's time in the IRS, traveling around the world, solving crime. He sounded so genuine and happy, when talking about his old team – their Unit Chief Jack Garrett, their own Garcia named Monty, their version of Emily – Clara Seger and the Garcia partner to Matt's inner Derek – Mae Jarvis. He told stories from the Academy, where he and Mae had met and where their friendship had started.

"Wait, so you interned for the IRS and then got a placement with them?" Tara knew a lot about her two close friends – Matt and Luke, but this was new information.

"Yes, the IRS was just short out of a team member, so they offered me the internship and then Mae joined as an intern two weeks later. They needed more people on the team and her field of study was extremely valuable for them. So yeah, I got to work with my best friend and it was awesome." Matt replied with a huge smile. Mae was like a sister to him and he missed her so much. With the IRS always traveling, he never got to spend time with her anymore, as she barely ever showed up at Quantico for more than a few days at a time.

"Did you guys know that Emily knows Clara Seger?" Reid added to the story.

"Oh?" Tara exclaimed.

"Yeah, we both interned for the UN, back in the days. We lost touch for a while, but then rekindled our friendship once we both ended up in the FBI." Emily explained shortly. A little too quickly. Maybe there were things she was withholding.

"It's weird how we all have lives, outside of work. And yet, everything in those lives has to deal with us again and then when something new comes up, like if someone meets a new person, a friend or a boyfriend, we're all like: No waaayyy!" Luke commented while watching Rossi open the first bottle of wine.

"Yeah, it's like, in a way, we are a family." Rossi smiled, finally managing to open the damn thing. Everyone was impatient to taste it.

"We are a family!" Emily stated. There was no doubt in her mind that the BAU was her family. It was her home and those people were her family.

"I love my family…" JJ slurred a bit. Her statement was not in regards to the family that everyone was now discussing. In her drunken state she was thinking about her own little family, of how broken it felt at that moment.

Soon, their first order arrived. It was the sides and Emily had calculated them for about fifty people. They could only eat the sides and call it a huge dinner. Then, pizza arrived, ten minutes later. She didn't even have to open the appetizers, so she decided to just bring them to the office the next day, so everyone can nibble on their favorite snacks at work instead.

"JJ?" Reid tried to get her attention, but JJ's eyes were wandering around. Seemingly, she was present. But her mind was elsewhere.

"Give her some space tonight, man." Luke suggested, intentionally making himself the receiver of whatever theory Reid was about to start ranting about.

When they were done with the food, the usual little groups started to form.

Tara and Matt were on the couch and Luke was still listening to Reid's rants, joined by Garcia at that point, while Rossi helped Emily take the dishes back to the kitchen and load the dishwasher.

"Don't." Emily said, with her back to him. Even when she wasn't looking at him, she knew exactly how to read him.

"She's never reckless with her drinking." Rossi pointed out.

Emily could not help but feel guilty, because that's exactly what she was. She knew that JJ's been through Hell recently, and it was all because of her.

"Which is why we need to tread lightly, now that she is being reckless." Emily did have a point.

"Emily, we're losing her..."

"We're never going to let that happen!"

He sighed. As much as he wanted to believe those words, he just was not convinced. He had seen too many Agents lose themselves and he knew what the job could do to someone. He was now watching JJ get sucked into the hole where a lot of his friends through the years had ended up falling in.

Meanwhile, Matt found a moment to drag Luke outside, so they could talk.

"So, things still strained?" Matt asked vaguely.

"I don't know. Haven't seen Lisa all week." Luke took a sip of his wine, appearing calm and collected.

"She moved out?"

"No. I don't think so. Her stuff is still everywhere." Luke cleared his throat before his voice would let out that this was upsetting him.

"I'm sorry, man." Matt frowned, taking a sip as well.

He thought about his own life and realized how good he had it. A stable job. Amazing friends. A family - healthy, happy, big family. There was nothing bothering him, so he vowed to do whatever he could, to help Luke out.

"Hey, why don't we have a night out, like old times. We can hit the bars, go dancing..."

"No offence, bro, but I don't think I'll find the right woman at a bar."

"Who said anything about women?" Matt smirked, but Luke's quizzical look made him change his facial expression quickly. "Okay fine. But would it be such a bad thing to go out and meet new people? Weren't you the one who always said: the more, the merrier? What was it - acquiring experience? Fun times?" He said with air quotes.

"Yeah, that's how I saw life years ago. Guess I'm not that person anymore. Plus, I'm not going to start meeting other women if I'm not officially done with this one." Luke remembered something he had promised Emily at the last gathering they had, at Rossi's house. Maybe back in the days he wouldn't have worried about dating two or more girls simultaneously, but somehow that idea did not appeal to him anymore.

"Are you? Done with her, I mean." Matt asked.

"Been done with her for a while." Luke tried to grab his wine glass again, but Matt stopped him.

"Nah, bro. Don't ruin yourself for someone who doesn't deserve you. Put the glass down, stand up straight and keep your head up!" He almost commanded. "You're an amazing dude and you deserve someone equally as amazing, by your side."

"Thanks, man." Luke said weakly. He could go on and deny it, but this break up that hadn't even happened yet, officially, was affecting him in so many ways. Matt had spent enough time with him, to know that.

"Guys, I hate to do this, but I'm kicking you all out." Emily announced at some point, when everyone was in the living room.

"Yeah, we should go. We have the meeting tomorrow at nine and I still need to go over the papers again." Rossi commented, gathering his things.

"I'm taking JJ home. You guys go ahead. I need to hold someone hostage to help me clean up this mess." Emily laughed, masking up for the fact that her house was now clean, after Rossi helped her get rid of dishes, glasses and leftover food. She just needed an excuse to have JJ stay behind.

Everyone went to the parking lot together and drove off in different directions.

"What's that?" JJ asked, rhetorically, when Emily handed her something.

"A towel, JJ. People use it after they take a shower. It usually serves to dry someone's skin." Emily replied wittily.

"I don't need a shower." JJ was slurring a little less now.

All evening, Emily had only poured water in her glass, making sure she'd sober up quickly. It hadn't done wonders, but it had helped, maybe a little bit.

"For God's sake, JJ, don't make me come in there with you!" Emily pointed at the bathroom door, insistently.

"Can you stop? You're not my mother!" A sober JJ was polite, sweet, always thinking of Emily's feelings first.

A drunk JJ, however, was sloppy and could never hold her tongue.

Emily bit her bottom lip so hard that she could almost feel the taste of blood already. This was an incredibly bad low blow. Sober JJ would have never hit Emily with those words, reminding her of that pain. It was nearly impossible not to shout something equally as hurtful back to JJ.

Instead, her hand kept lingering in the air, until JJ realized it was her best option to go for a shower. At least she'd be locked inside the bathroom. Alone, which is what she needed at that moment.

Emily then tried to do something nice for JJ, not expecting the outcome her gesture would have. She took JJ's phone and dialed Will.

"JJ? Damn it, I've been calling you for an hour!" Will picked up the phone, soon about to realize it wasn't JJ on the line.

"Hello, Will. This is Emily."

"Yeah, of course she's with you!" Will snapped a bit and Emily was taken aback. She had a wonderful relationship with him. Why was he being so rude?

"For the record, I failed to let my team know the invitation for dinner was also extended to their family members. I would have loved to see you and the kids tonight. I'm sorry, JJ must have thought I was only inviting her." Emily lied, because this was what she did best. In reality, she had been very specific about people bringing a plus one.

Will groaned and it annoyed Emily. What was his problem?

"Look, I need someone to help me clean up. JJ and Garcia are staying. At this point, it would be too late for them to go home, so I suggested them staying over tonight. Is that cool with you?" At least she tried to ask permission. She tried to do the right thing. Will didn't need to know his wife was broken, drunk and not willing to go home, to him. A night off from her normal routine would only benefit JJ.

"Cool with me?" He snapped again. "Yes, Emily, it is cool with me that my own wife always puts you first. It is cool that she thinks about six other people, before she thinks about her family. It is cool that she never replied my calls tonight. It's very cool." With those words, Will hung up, leaving Emily speechless.


AUTHOR'S NOTE:

"rmpcmfan" I'll be real with you, lol - I have plans for Morgan, but for now I don't need him in the scenes, so there might not be much of him right now, especially not with the BAU. :P But I miss him on the team, sooo I guess that should be some consolation and source of hope? :) | Richard does feel lonely, only after HER. He loved his life and loves Paris, his job, everything. We'll just see how it all unfolds. I love how you assumed "Bella" is in the US *winky winky face*. As for the Embassy party - you (and user zhangxinna) gave me an idea and I wrote a flashback that I hope makes all of ya'll cry your hearts out hehe. But it will spoil too much right now, so I will post it when the time is right, later on. Basically, the readers will know exactly what happened that night, at the Embassy, in Paris. :P

"zhangxinna" If the previous chapter pained you, I guess this current one was too much to handle? :P Poor Ems, she will be showering in that perfume from now on, lol! Don't worry, Richard is a VERY patient man, he's quietly waiting for her, in his little corner. You'd be surprised how patient he can be, when it comes to HER! Your comment about the framed photo from the Embassy (along with rmpcmfan's review) gave me an amazing idea! Read the reply I just wrote to that user, just above your reply here, for some more info about my idea. When the time to post it comes, I will credit you two for the idea and I really hope you like it (and cry like babies, because it's just...emotional, yaikes!) PS: JJ won't intervene...she will allow Emily to come to terms with her feelings, on her own, with no pressure. Because JJ is a sweetheart :)!

"sweetkid45" I was at the supermarket today and I saw a can of Mexican beans on the discount shelf. Totally unrelated to the story, but it made me laugh hehehe :)!