CHAPTER 109
ANGELA HUNTER BELONGS TO THE BAU !
"How is it already Friday?" Emily spoke to herself when her alarm clock went off and she saw a memo on her screen, of something she had scribbled down last night, making sure she wouldn't wake up, sober up and forget all about it.
"Second date tonight…almost half-way done with this pointless assignment. Finally…" She rolled her eyes, getting out of bed and grabbing the first clean black piece of clothing she had in the wardrobe. She simply did not care. If it was black, it would do.
Her phone started buzzing, but she was in no mood to reply. It was dawning on her that it felt just like yesterday, that the BAU enjoyed a dinner with Angela and Bryan, over at her house.
It had now been four days in which she hadn't seen or heard of this girl.
It felt weird.
"Stop buzzing!" Emily threw a towel over her phone, ignoring the caller ID.
She only grabbed that towel ten minutes later, on her way to the bathroom for her morning shower. Also, a little more sober than last night, she finally realized how wrong the showed had gone, so now she had to wash her hair all over again, this time making it a point to use an actual shampoo.
With the corner of her eye she noticed what was written on the screen.
11 missed calls and two messages from Ben
Her heart sank. How could she be dumb enough not to answer?
"PRENTISS! I needed your urgent reply. The Director is coming back in a few days. I'm in Philly with him now and I found a moment to mention that you requested a meeting. I needed you to confirm that you can make it – next Friday at eleven?"
Emily bit her lips hard, as she read the first message, before she moved to the second one.
"God, Prentiss, why have a phone at all!? You better make it to that meeting, because I just stuck up for you big time and I managed to set it for you. All confirmed. Official business meeting, for the record. This is all I could do for you. Please, don't screw this up! Good luck!"
She exhaled, feeling her heart heavy and light, at the same time.
Seconds later, she was canceling other business meetings and errands for the following Friday, leaving the morning exclusively for this new appointment.
"Thank you so much, Ben! You really are one of the good guys."
She shot him a quick reply before taking a long, relaxing shower.
"Congratulations, Trainees! The few of you that remain have officially made it halfway through the Academy." Dan said, standing on the podium, with all the Trainees now looking at him from their seats in the Auditorium.
"This is no time to slack. If anything – you need to push yourselves even harder. The battle for the badge this year is going to be fierce and many of you won't get there. So, imagine failing…and then figure out ways for you not to fail. Okay? Now, off to Hogan's Alley!" His words made a lot of people happy. Including Angela.
"Oh my God, I've been waiting for this!" She said enthusiastically.
Hogan's Alley was a human-made fake 'town' where all Trainees were taught the latest tactical techniques and got immersed in realistic, stressful scenarios where they are expected to incorporate basic tactics, investigative techniques, firearms skills, and defensive tactics in order to make the right decision.
It was nothing like the trainings they had done so far. Here, they'd have real actors, posing as victims and threats, the situations would look absolutely realistic and the adrenaline would be pumping in their veins.
Until that moment, they had learned their theory. They had done enough exams, trainings, experiments. It was now time to have a taste of the real thing, the action.
"Angela, a word?" Dan asked quietly.
"Yes, of course, Sir." She said politely.
By now, she had learned how to tolerate Dan. She had also seen who he really was – acting tough, but really only ever looking out, wanting the best for his Trainees.
"First of all, please stop calling me Sir. It's week eleven. It's Dan, by now." He said with a smile.
"Well, this is awkward, but okay." She shrugged. Calling her Class Mentor by his shortened first name was not ideal. But, if he insisted, she would do so.
"Secondly, I wanted to talk about your Big-Little Week feedback." He said, now a lot more serious looking.
"Is something wrong with it?" Angie raised an eyebrow.
Egoistically, she had expected to have good feedback from Emily Prentiss.
"No, nothing is wrong. It's actually perfect…" He said slowly. "But that's the problem. Angela, you cannot let this influence your options."
"Oh, trust me, my options have not changed at all." She smirked. If he only knew…
But then again, he was the Class Mentor. Of course he knew.
"See? That's not really an option for you, Angela. That's your wish, a request that simply cannot be satisfied by the Bureau."
His words sent daggers to her heart.
She had known it all along, but nobody dared to say it to her face, so she had figured it was okay…she had more time to live in denial. And yet, the moment of truth was right there.
"And I know you will react badly to those news, when they come out, officially. I just wanted to give you a heads up and maybe some time to change your application forms and to hand them in again."
"I don't need time." She shook her head, clearly still in denial.
"If you go to the supermarket and you only need milk, but there isn't any milk left…would you buy water instead and just call it a day? Or would you still need that milk, once you got home?" She asked, seemingly in no reference to their current topic.
"No, don't be smart with me. Your little mind-games won't work." Dan eyed her up and down.
"Answer my question, Dan!" She challenged him.
"Fine. I will still need the damn milk. Happy? But it won't change the fact that there was no milk available for me to take."
"Not at that supermarket, anyway…" She said smartly.
Dan had once overheard her say something to Bryan. He wasn't sure if it had been a smart ass comment or a real thing, but at this very moment, he realized she had been truthful.
"So, you are willing to go through twenty-one weeks of FBI Academy, just to throw it all away, if you don't get the spot you want?"
"Not the spot I want, Dan…" Angie crossed her arms in front of her chest.
"The spot I deserve!" She corrected him.
"Angela, it is not an option. It is not happening! I'm not saying you're not good enough or that they don't want you. Quite the contrary, actually. But it is just not realistic of you to continue working your ass off for something that you are never going to get."
"Never say never." Angie spoke, with her hands still in defensive mode, in front of her.
Then Dan realized something else.
"Wait, the supermarket metaphor…" He sighed. "You're thinking of joining other Secret Services if you don't get in your Unit of choice here, at the Bureau, aren't you?"
"Mhm." The Mini Prentiss in her replied, the same way Emily Prentiss would have.
"Good God, I don't want to imagine you as a spy." Dan really wanted to laugh. At the very least, nobody would ever doubt her cover, with that smile and the bow in the hair.
"Well, I can't change your mind. I can just tell you that I'd hate to lose my Wild Card. Not because that would mean I would have flopped as a Class Mentor, but because I've actually grown to like you."
"We've come a long way - from you, poisoning me; to you, being protective over me. Eh?" A smug smile creeped on her lips.
"That was just a test and you know it. None of us ever meant to harm you."
"Yeah, with that double doze, maybe. But all the times I was sick? Don't you think that hurt? I could barely keep food down my stomach and I was being pushed extra hard to better my physical fitness performance in between throwing up in buckets, on the side of the training field."
"I'm sorry about that…" Dan felt weirdly guilty. This girl was a pain in the ass, but he felt connected to her, in a way, and he had never enjoyed seeing her hurt and suffering during trainings or just in general.
"Can I read my report now?" She asked curiously.
Dan was holding a folder in his hands while they spoke, so she figured it must contain the thing that Emily Prentiss wrote - her evaluation report.
"No." Dan replied, clutching onto the folder.
So, she was right – it was Emily's report!
Dan could have easily let her read it, but it was the most unconventional report he had ever read, himself. And it would mess with Angela's head, especially after the talk he tried to have with her.
When Angie walked away, he opened the folder and saw one single paper. A white paper, with the BAU logo on it and Emily's signature at the bottom. The rest of it was blank. Nothing was typed or printed on it, as normal text.
Instead. From one side corner to the other, Emily had written her final evaluation, on hand, scribbled down with a loud and obnoxious red highlighter.
Six words. Three exclamation marks.
This was all that Angela deserved as feedback after all of her hard work, that entire week.
Dan laughed to himself, reading Emily's so-called 'evaluation report'.
"ANGELA HUNTER BELONGS TO THE BAU !"
By lunch time, Emily was already thinking to herself: waking up and spending the day with a terrible headache was so not worth the hassle of having to sit through the entire date the previous night - all twenty-four minutes of it. Emily had counted, for the lack of a more entertaining thing to do.
She was now in dire need of a yet another cup of coffee and maybe some Advil. The one positive thing about that day was what Ben had messaged her, earlier that morning. The rest was just a blur. Emily had flashes of herself, walking down the corridors and greeting other Agents around her, making insignificant small talk, then doing some paper work in her office, but that was it. And the day seemed to be long – way too long and way too painful to endure. She really needed a nap.
The only thing that kept her going was the thought of the second date. This was so in the bag, even if she didn't remember all details of having agreed to that date last night. All she remembered was the annoying lights in the elevator and, disturbingly, this was pretty much what she had seen the second time she had died. Hopefully this would not be a complete disaster.
"JJ, can you give me a lift after work?" Emily asked at some point, after spending the entire afternoon in her office, drinking water and hoping for the best, with that Advil she took after lunch.
"Sure, but wait...how did you get here if you don't have your car?" JJ asked.
"Uber. I wasn't in the mood for driving. Nor in the right and legal conditions to do so. Don't ask..." Emily said shyly and JJ just knew what she meant. "Plus, he specifically told me not to take my own car tonight."
"He? Ohhh Emily, is your French boyfriend visiting!?" Heart shaped stars darted out of JJ's eyes.
Emily had been very secretive lately, so maybe things had moved forward with this man she had told JJ about just recently.
"Ugh, can people just stop thinking and talking about that man already!?"
To Emily's outburst, JJ just chuckled. It seemed like the only person to always be thinking and talking about him was Emily, herself. Surely, being the wonderful hungover friend, she'd be grumpy enough to blame her own thoughts and desires on someone else. It was so typical of Emily.
"What now!?" Emily continued being a grumpy delight.
"I literally said nothing. I'm just sitting here in my little corner and I'm smiling..."
"What on Earth are you smiling about!?" Emily raised an eyebrow.
How could JJ bring herself to tell the Boss that she had profiled this sudden and very secret desire of hers - to go on random dates? How could she tell Emily that she was only doing that, in her desperate attempts to make herself stop thinking about the French man - the one man she really wanted.
"Where do you need to be?" JJ asked, confirming that she would be Emily's driver that evening.
She could simply not wait for the day that Emily would open up and tell her about those failed attempts at random dating. Because, as her best friend and as an amazing profiler, JJ already knew that any date would be doomed, if it wasn't with the man that had made Emily Prentiss' heart melt.
"Good evening, neighbor." Emily's date said as soon as he saw her in front of the restaurant that evening.
After dropping her off, JJ had contemplated whether she should stay and spy for a little bit, but she decided against it. She was 'Team France', even if she had never seen the guy, nor did she even know anything about him. Her little shipper heart could not take the sight of her best friend, making nice with someone else.
Emily faked an interested smile, so this guy wouldn't be offended. After that she spent the next hour and five minutes trying to block out the insane embarrassment she felt for having fixed herself a date, drunk, after another date...in the elevator, in the middle of the night. God knows how dumb she must have looked and how easy and desperate he must think she was.
"I didn't feel ashamed with Richard...it was basically the same thing, I mean, I met him buzzed...sure, it was side effects from Garcia's drugs, but still...I mean...yeah, I got buzzed by a glass of wine...and I didn't feel all this pressure when I met him. I was fine. Buzzed, but fine. I was fine...damn, he was fine. Like Hell yeah, he was fine...he was more than fine, in that damn suit and those piercing eyes. God, he was so fine...so damn fine..." Emily thought to herself quietly, while looking blankly at her dinner partner and giving off the impression that she was listening to whatever he was saying.
"Do you like that choice?" He asked after having suggested a dish for her to try out.
"...So. Damn. Fine. Hot daaamn..." Emily muttered quietly, still thinking about Richard.
This time, however, she said it out loud, by mistake.
"Uh, alright...it isn't really a hot dish, not in the sense of spicy hot, but uh...okay." Her date stuttered. Maybe this woman was weirdly connected to food?
Or maybe she was weirdly connected to another man, one that she was silently thinking about while pretending to be present during that date?
Slowly, he managed to get Emily to talk. She lied her ass off, as she always did, telling him she was a meteorologist, because she couldn't think of a dumber and less fun and attractive profession than that. She wanted him to think she was a nerd, someone who'd stay in her laboratory and just stare at a screen. She wanted him to think little of her. For whatever reason, she didn't want him to know anything about her.
"Why am I not feeling guilty? I always lie on dates and I never feel guilty. Then why do I feel like crap for lying to him...No, not to this guy in front of me, I mean…lying to Richard...ugh, damn it, stop thinking about him! I command myself to stop thinking about him!" She continued her silent conversation with her own self while on the outside she just smiled politely.
At some point she managed to partake in the actual conversation and to enjoy a few of the things they were discussing. They had a mutual nerdy interest that was fun to explore for about nine minutes before they ran out of topics again.
Emily suggested discussing music, but they didn't find much common ground there. He then spoke about what he considered 'extensive' travel experience and Emily tried not to laugh. In her days as a spy she had visited all those countries he had mentioned, in just one week. She was easily the most well-traveled person in the room, wherever she was. Not even Clara could beat her and she was working with the International Response Team!
The conversation took a better turn when they started laughing at some video that Garcia had sent Emily. Randomly, at the loss of anything smart to say, Emily had decided to show him the video of a twerking cat. It had worked, in the sense that it had made both of them laugh and they had searched for more utterly useless videos to enjoy.
Half an hour more passed and they were both laughing at some compilation of bloopers from some TV show that he had mentioned and she had lied to have seen. At least the bloopers were funny, so she rolled with it.
"It was nice hanging out with you..." He started off at some point.
It was painfully obvious to him that this woman was not interested in him, at all. And yet, he wasn't the type of rude guy who would make a scene. He really did have fun and the food was nice - it was a win in his books. Whoever this woman had been constantly thinking of during this 'date' was surely a lucky man. Sadly, it wasn't going to be him, but that didn't mean that he had to ruin this new acquaintance. Maybe they could be friends?
"Yeah. It was nice hanging out with...someone..." Emily said lamely.
She meant to say 'with someone who is not an idiot like the dude from last night, but I'm still not interested'. She decided to stay quiet about that addition to her statement.
"We should get going. Come on, my car is right outside." He said while slipping some cash to cover the bill and grabbing his car keys with his free hand.
Emily sighed and walked out willingly. Was she emotionally incapable of connecting to another human being? Why was it so hard to even fake being interested in a date? What if she had really gone out with a woman, like she had joked about doing? Was that the problem? Was she not attracted to guys? Or was she not attracted to any guy, who was not the guy?
And then, as soon as she mentally recalled every curve of Richard's body, she realized she was most certainly not attracted to 'guys'. She was attracted to a guy, the guy - him, Richard. There had been a connection, there had been the fun banter, the energy, the vibe, the feeling between them. There had been a bit of competition when they went to the gym, there had been the shared love for traveling, there had been a moment where Emily may or may not have threatened to take his life if he dared to grab the last snack from the bag of goodies during their trip to the Chateau. There had been everything...he had been everything she had ever imagined a perfect connection with another human being would feel like.
She let this man, her neighbor, walk out first. To her surprise, at least he was gentleman enough to hold the door for her, unlike Thomas from the previous night. And yet, it was still not enough for her. He wasn't quite Richard, so she wasn't quite impressed.
"I'm sorry if my car looks a little rough. A certain wild one broke my window just recently and the guy who repaired it did a crappy job, so now it looks just...out of place." He said cheerfully, walking Emily to a red car, parked outside the restaurant.
As soon as she laid eyes on the car, she gasped. In her mind she had this vivid recollection of herself, smashing the window of a random red car in the parking lot in front of her building, just a few weeks ago. The make and model were the same...this could only mean one thing…
"You knew it was me all along!?" She turned around with a pout.
Of course he knew all along. He had been nearby when Emily had broken the window, in a moment of complete rage. At that moment, he had been way too scared for his life to even approach this woman and yell at her. Once again – Emily Prentiss and her Bad Ass Boss vibes had prevented yet another human connection to be established. This guy had already had his eyes on her for a while before he witnessed her outburst at the parking lot of their building. And yet, he had been way too intimidated by her, until he had taken his chances the previous night, catching her drunk and feeling like she was a bit less scary this way.
The truth about that event was that Emily had gone to the parking lot, already pissed off. She had noticed red paint on the side of her car, along with a nasty scratch. And then she had scanned for red cars and as soon as she had laid eyes on his car, she had blamed it for that scratch. So, she had busted his window, as payback. However, what had had actually happened beforehand was that one of their neighbors' kids had just received a new bicycle, one which he was still unable to ride very steadily, so he had crashed against Emily's car and scratched it unintentionally. He had also fallen and scratched his knee right after that and he had cried salty tears – not because of the knee, but because the beautiful red paint of his brand new bike had gotten ruined by that accident.
Emily knew none of this. All she remembered was smashing the window of a red car, without even trying to look for damage on that car, too, hence not knowing if it was the right red vehicle that had ruined the paint on her car.
"Yeah. And before this gets awkward I should mention that I don't care. It was funny to see you fire out and take it out on my poor window." He continued speaking cheerfully, but seconds later he could tell that Emily was distressed.
In her mind she kept asking herself how come men always lied to her? Ian Doyle had lied about everything...but then again - so had she. Then Mark - this guy she dated while in London; had ended up lying to her about his job. She had to find out one day that he had been asking and trying out for a position in Spain, for the majority of their relationship. Emily had no idea he was trying to move his entire life, to another country. Not to mention - he didn't seem to have any intention of telling her or bringing her along with him. That had made her feel useless. Used. Not good enough.
And then there was Richard. He had lied, but barely. It had been Emily who had begged him to not tell her everything. It had been Emily who had lied and acted as Lauren. It had been Emily who had every intention of ending the week and going back to Quantico on a Sunday…or did she? And all along, it had been Richard who had kept on telling her that he wanted to tell her the truth. How was she supposed to handle that? She wasn't used to people being honest with her. She barely ever let anyone in, let them get to know her and, God forbid, let them hold her like he had - with those strong, manly hands, bringing her close to his body and making her feel safe, even if she was most certainly kick ass enough to be her own savior.
Richard - the only man in her life who had downright begged her to let him tell her who he was. And she had refused, terrified of what the truth might entail, what it might lead to. What if the truth would ruin her fairy tale? He had been honest about it and he had told her that his truth was rough and hard to swallow. God bless this man, he had been honest in the most amazing, genuine way.
"Hey, I didn't mean to offend you. It was supposed to be a little prank. I mean, the part with the car. The rest I actually wanted. I've wanted to ask you out for a while now." Her neighbor spoke up after a moment when Emily was quiet and in her own little world.
"It's fine. I can take a prank." She smiled at him, as she really did not give a damn about that.
"I can also take the truth..." She muttered to herself, addressing the whole 'Richard situation'.
Why had she been so terrified of his truth? Had she really been this dumb, to prevent the only guy who ever wanted to be honest with her, from speaking his truth?
"Uh, look, if there is someone else in your life, I don't want to...you know, interfere..." The neighbor said honestly.
Truth to be told, he was quite a nice guy. He had a stable and somewhat boring job, he had a steady income and a home, a car with a crooked window - thanks to Emily herself. He also smiled a lot and it was kind of nice to laugh with him, watching those dumb videos on Emily's phone.
But this was not what she wanted. She needed someone to fire her up, to compete with her, to complete her, to argue with her until she'd feel fumes coming out of her ears…and to then make love to her like he only had one night to show her how much he loved her.
She needed Richard. Period.
She wanted Richard.
She could not stop thinking about Richard.
No matter how hard she had tried recently, she could never fool herself into believing that she did not want him. It was just not happening.
"You know what? There just might be..." She replied to her neighbor with a smile.
The Hell with denial. He knew nothing about her, so who cares if she admitted her inner thoughts to him? He wouldn't judge her and even if he did, Emily Prentiss would react with one of her famous one liners - 'screw you'. She would not give a damn. He was not who she was obsessing over.
"For what it's worth, I find you to be a great woman. I might not even fix that window, as it would remind me of you." He added.
"What? It being all crooked, sideways and lookin' like a mess?" Emily felt confident enough to let her sarcasm show, but sadly, he did not get her joke.
Richard always got her jokes. He always laughed. He always joked back. He even understood those borderline geeky ones that made no sense no anyone else. But he got them. He got her.
And now she wanted to get him. Richard! Not a random date. Not her neighbor. Not some hot dude she had been flirting with. No. She wanted one man and one man only.
She could also not help but notice his choice of an adjective. Great. Her neighbor found her to be a 'great' woman.
Richard, in turn, had always called her 'exceptional' and she had always felt like he was searching for an even more powerful word, to replace that one with. She had felt like no matter how much he said, he could never fully express how he truly felt for her, not with words anyway. And it wasn't because of some language barrier, as she could tell he was fluent in English. It was purely based on the fact that such a word, like the one he needed, did not exist. 'Exceptional' was the closest he could get to expressing his admiration for everything she was.
So, hearing how 'great' she was now, coming from someone who thought she was a nerdy meteorologist, was nothing short of an insult.
The neighbor drove them both back to their building and Emily seemed quite smiley in the car.
Two completely failed dates…this is all it took for her to finally have some clarity. She wasn't even halfway done with Martha's little assignment, but she found herself laughing as she walked back home that evening, ironizing the way her therapist had gotten her. And Martha got her real good – she had made Emily see things and come to her own conclusions. It was what Morgan had attempted to do, that night when she had cried in his arms, confiding in him all the intimate details about this Richard guy. JJ, at first, had tried to tell Emily what she thought of this situation, but Emily wanted to hear none of it, so JJ had decided to let her figure it out on her own terms, as well. Damn, those people knew her well, if they were able to play with her mind like that, to show her things that she was trying to deny for so long.
Rossi, on the other hand, had been playing a silent game for a while now. Emily was completely oblivious to it, but one day it would hit her. One day she would know just how much 'Papa Rossi' knew, from the beginning. She liked to think of herself as a devious mastermind, skilled in mind games, but really…Rossi had to be given way more credit, as he was truly the Master of it all. He wouldn't need words, he wouldn't even need to be looking at Emily, while communicating something important to her, while making her see and feel things that she was trying to block out. If Emily was an evil genius, then Rossi was the 'good genius' in their little BAU family tree. And he did his best work, just lurking in the shadows, observing, saying nothing at all…just watching.
She wasn't drunk, but in her state of slightly buzzed slumber, the night of that failed date - the second one out of five, Emily's mind would allow itself to take her places.
Somehow, she knew that this was not Failed Date Number Two, but rather – Failed Date Number Infinity, also, the very last one of this kind. She didn't need three more embarrassing events to be added to that list, so she would open her eyes to what she really wanted in life.
Weirdly, as everything else in Emily Prentiss' life, in order to open her eyes, she literally had to close them now. Relaxing her head against the pillow, she inhaled that scent that she really liked – the scent of him, and before she knew it, she had dozed off.
Soon enough, a barely audible mixture of a gasp and a moan escaped her lips.
As always, memories of him invaded her dreams, but with each day that came, those actual memories were being pushed away by new little things they did together, things that hadn't even happened yet.
At first Emily's dreams had been very accurate, depicting only the things that had happened – she dreamt of the first time they met by the fountain, of the boat ride along the river Seine, of the first time they kissed. And then she realized her dreams were becoming things she did not have any recollection of – they were attending a formal party together, they were out for drinks with the BAU team, Richard was gossiping with Angela in a corner of the Bullpen before JJ shot them a glance, letting them know that Emily was walking in their direction. They would then shut up and look at each other awkwardly, as if they had been discussing Emily, or something connected to her, something that she did not need to hear. A surprise, maybe? And when Emily would walk by and be on her merry way to her office, she would hear them chuckle in the background, like two kids, scheming about something and happy they hadn't been caught.
Emily shifted in her sleep, wondering when did those dreams go from pleasant memories, to nightmares over him, breaking her heart…to scenes that would never be real. How did Richard know everyone? How was he so friendly with JJ and so incredibly close to Angela, if in reality they had never even met? Why was her conscious showing her scenes with this man, interacting with her best friend and with the girl that Emily herself felt strangely connected to? Was her mind playing tricks on her? Or was it maybe fate that was trying to communicate something? Was this a clever way of getting through to Emily, of showing her that Richard fit in her world perfectly? What the Hell was this and why was she dreaming about him still?
"Mmmh…" This time her moan was a bit deeper, as she saw a scene from the last night they had spent together.
She hated that night and then again – she didn't regret it at all.
"Please?" She whispered a plea, remembering how incredibly teasing he had been with a certain little game they played before things got real.
Things were real? Were they? Slightly buzzed, sleeping and confused, Emily Prentiss had no idea what was currently going on anymore. Her dream sequences jumped around quickly and before she could focus on something, another thing was happening.
She could not help but whimper when the scene with Richard, naked, on top of her, got replaced by a scene of him wearing a smart suit and looking at her with nothing but pure love in his eyes. It was a nice scene, but there was way too much fabric covering all of his muscular perfection and quite frankly - she would rather see him naked once again.
Suddenly, the angles changed and she was still there, in front of him in that suit, but she was no longer looking at him. If this were a movie, the camera had just turned around, showing Emily instead.
"Oh my God!" She gasped in her sleep, as soon as she laid eyes on what she looked like.
A bouquet of fresh flowers in her hands, a rhinestone tiara in her hair, freshly manicured nails, that burgundy non-transfer and non-stick lipstick that Richard liked so much, a pair of earrings that looked like diamonds and she looked down at her left hand, realizing Richard was slowly picking it in his hand and raising it upwards, still looking at her like she was his entire world and like nothing else existed.
Another realization hit her when she saw white tulle, all around her. Looking more intently at herself, she saw a beautiful white gown on her body, with a décolleté that Richard would surely have been a huge fan of, but it might have possibly made Rossi blush and cringe a little bit.
A tug on her hand made her look down and she realized why her right hand was feeling so warm, even a bit sweaty. In it there was a small hand, clutching onto Emily for dear life. The other hand of what was a beautiful toddler was holding Richard's free hand, linking the three of them together as they stood still, like time had stopped completely.
It was a girl – Emily had always known that if one day she'd have a child, it would definitely be a girl. Her hair had been curled and she had cute little white pins in her hair, to secure that tiara that she had insisted on wearing, matching her mommy's one. As the little one looked up, she smiled at Emily, showing off those cute dimples. Her entire face scrunched up a bit – this was how wide her smile was, this was how much happiness she felt.
Her skin complexion was just perfect – she was a mix of her mother's olive skin and her father's more tan one. But, no matter how beautiful this little nugget was on the outside, the true beauty Emily found in her was purely based on the fact that she was there, she was real, she was hers and she was happy and most importantly – healthy.
For a moment Emily tried to rationalize this situation, in her sleep. Was this girl a vision of Angela, as a child? She surely looked like her, with the hair length and color and that wide smile, but the eyes were different.
"Angela?" Emily murmured in her sleep, looking at the child, waiting for some sort of a confirmation.
"Oui, Mama?" Angie's voice replied instantly.
What startled Emily was that the child did not even part her lips, when she heard that reply. And the voice that replied was surely not a child's one.
Emily then turned around, only to see who had replied. It was Angela, but she was not the toddler. She was standing right next to Emily, Richard and the child, with a smile that matched her little sister's.
Sister? Emily shifted in her sleep, coming to that realization. When did this happen? What was going on and why was this dream so vivid, yet so far from the reality?
"Always here for me…" Emily, the bride, muttered to herself, as her eyes got locked with Angie's. And God, that 23 year old girl looked damn good in her bridesmaid dress and that same matching tiara in her hair.
"Always and Forever!" Angie whispered back to her before urging her to pay attention to the ceremony, which had reached the moment where the young one was impatiently tapping her foot against the floor, waiting for Richard to pay her attention and to finally get those two rings from the small cushion that she was now magically holding in her hands.
With the intake of a sharp breath, Emily woke up. Her hand instantly flew to her heart, only to confirm what she already knew – it was beating faster than it ever had before.
And then she smiled. Right after that she gave herself a well-deserved slap on the cheek. What was she even thinking? Why was she allowing her mind to show her these things, even if they were just dreams? Were they dreams or nightmares? She could argue insanity or she could make peace with the fact that a human cannot control their conscious and that the mind would show her whatever it wanted, while she was asleep.
Why on Earth would she be smiling? Why did she feel this tingling feeling in her stomach, each time she thought about this man? Was she an idiot? What woman in their right mind would ever be so obsessed with a man who had broken her heart in such a savage way? Years ago Emily had made a promise to herself to never let a man make her feel bad. Yet, Richard had done just that and she had cried salty tears for him.
And then again, she found herself going to bed and waking up with the thought of him.
Every. Single. Day.
Hours.
Days.
Weeks.
It had now been over a month since Richard had been forced to walk out of Lauren's life. He had tried really hard to think of a time in his past, when he had to do something more difficult and more painful than writing that note, for the woman sleeping naked, in the bed next to him. And he could simply not think of a single event that had been more traumatic to him, than what he had to do that night…the night that he still had vivid dreams about. Walking out on Lauren, just as soon as he had finally walked into her life…this was pure insanity.
Each night he knew that he would see one of two things in his dreams – it was either a dream about Bella or a dream about Lauren. Nothing else, for days, weeks, months even.
In his dreams about Bella he recalled the things that he had done with her. In a way, he got to re-live those precious moments with her, he got to see her smile, to hear her funny giggles one more time. The dreams of her were light, but the pain was still there, as he knew this little girl was no longer his little girl…and she wasn't even a little girl anymore.
He usually started off with dreams about her, which slowly progressed to dreams about Lauren, but not the way she had met her just recently. It was all weird and he could not explain it to himself. The scenes made little sense. Lauren was the same, but she felt so different.
That night was no exception. As he got back home from work, he took a nice long shower and he jumped in bed, holding a piece of fabric close to his chest before he dozed off.
"Can I come to work with you today, after school?" He heard Bella's young voice ask him, as his first dream sequence started.
"Bella, you have your extracurricular activity today. It's Monday." He remembered trying to tell her.
"Yeah, but those are dumb. The teacher gave me a list to choose from and it's all stupid stuff like sports and arts. I don't want to waste my time. I already hate going to school and that's, sadly, quite obligatory for someone my age. Please don't make me waste my youth by signing up for something that would make me feel even more miserable, right after school!" She had begged him, with those cute puppy eyes of hers.
"Are you?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "Miserable. Are you miserable?" He then elaborated.
"That came out wrong. I mean, yes, I am very miserable at school, but I am the happiest when I'm with you. I didn't mean to be disrespectful towards everything you've ever done for me. I'm sorry if it came out this way." Little Bella had reassured him.
"I've been thinking about your school situation. We're leaving for Brussels in a week and then we're spending the next month in Malta before we go to Spain. You're clearly finishing school online, unless you'd want me to enroll you in local schools there. I've already made a list of all the international schools in the cities we'll stay at. Tell me what you want."
"Of course you made a list." Bella sighed dramatically. "I don't know what I want. I don't want to be around kids, but I do realize that's the best way for me to learn Flemish and Maltese and I can sadly not do that if I study online. Also, I'm sure I could pull the 'Sorry, no understand, I foreign girl, no speak your language' card with all my teachers, so they go easy on me, especially in math class. Not that I have any problems with my academic performance. You see, it's just the kids that I don't like. And the teachers who treat me like a kid, too. So, basically – I despise school. Then again, I really want to learn all the new languages I possibly can. So I don't know what I want. Although, I surely don't need social interaction in Spain, as I'm already fluent in Spanish, so I'd rather do my school work from home, at least in Spain. And oh, also – for an extracurricular I want to go to work with you, as I believe this is the best way for me to learn things that I will actually use in life…but judging by the look on your face right about now I'd say I'm still unable to fully convince you to let me do that…" She trailed off after the huge speech.
"You are not even nine yet. Of course people will treat you like a child. And no, you're way too far from being able to convince me to let you anywhere near my job. Try again in about ten years. Or twenty. Or never." He smirked, both in his sleep and in his dream sequence.
"But…you don't treat me like a child." She pointed out, not seeing any good reason why other people felt the need to treat her like that.
"No, I do not. And you know exactly why. And you also know that nobody else in the world could ever know why. Right?"
"I know." She pouted.
"Shouldn't you be at Aubrey's house right now, for the project you both got assigned to do together?" He asked, remembering which day it was.
"Yes, but I'm not going. I don't care about the project. I did my part and it turned out great. She can do hers." Bella folded her arms and looked away.
"Uh-oh. What's the tea? What did Aubrey do? I thought you liked her. Plus, it's a group project, the whole point is to do it with someone else. I bet the teacher knows you are a smart kid and that you can do your part well, but she probably needs to see how well you can work within a group, or in this case – with a partner."
"Well, she will be disappointed, because I don't work for no one and I don't work with no one." Bella stated like the true Diva that she was.
Richard noticed how she was avoiding his other question.
"And what if Aubrey needs help with her part of the project?"
"Then she can ask her perfect mommy and her perfect daddy for help." Bella stated, spitting venom as she spoke, before storming off the room, leaving Richard deep in thought.
For the longest time, Richard had known that Bella wanted one thing – a family. She barely ever made friends at school and it was never those kids who came from a seemingly stable family. Bella was not the jealous type, but he knew why she avoided those kids – they constantly reminded her of what she did not have. She never spoke to Richard about it and she made sure she'd always let him know how much she appreciated everything he was doing for her, but he knew she was overcompensating. He knew she was happy with him, but she wasn't fully as happy as a nine year old girl should be.
"Let's make a deal. If you call Aubrey and re-schedule your project for later today, I'll drive you there and when I pick you up later we're going to the Dior Kids boutique on rue Royale and you can get any dress you want…" He started off with his bribe.
"No shoes?" She asked grumpily.
"Fine, you can get whatever you want. And you can also come to my workplace tomorrow after school and I'll show you something cool." He added, making it seem like the best deal ever.
He was desperate for her to go out and interact with other kids and he would do whatever it takes, in order to bribe her.
"Can I go see the Red room?" She asked, with stars in her eyes.
All she seemed to care about was his job. She never asked about anything else and yes, she liked buying cute new things, but she didn't care about anything materialistic. She just wanted Richard to let her go to work with him, so she could snoop around and meet more of his awesome colleagues. And maybe…just maybe, one day she would be allowed to see the Red Room.
"Well, no. But you can ask me again about it in ten years. Or twenty. Or never." He once again replied with his usual words when something was not suitable for a child.
"You bet I will. And alright, we have a deal. But just so we're clear - you don't need to buy me expensive things. I have everything I need." She shrugged casually.
"But you really do need new official shoes for that Gala at the US Embassy next week, before we leave Paris." He pointed out and with that statement she could not argue.
"I meant that I have you, you silly bum-bum." Bella said, blushing a little bit.
She was not an affectionate child. She would keep everyone at a safe distance from her and she wouldn't even talk to those whom she considered untrustworthy. Richard was most definitely not used to seeing or hearing her express affection, not even to him, so this came out of nowhere. And it was so cute.
"Oh…" He whispered, both in his sleep and in the dream sequence.
Bella's next reaction had been to give him a tight hug. She really did appreciate him, even if deep down inside she needed something more out of life. Her little fantasy was not complete, if there wasn't one more person in their household. And Richard was in no rush to find such a person, so soon after having lost his wife.
As he held her in his arms, he inhaled her scent. She smelled like a very light and pleasant girly perfume and like that horrible pink bubble gum that she had been obsessed with for some time now.
Looking down at her tiny frame, with her small hands wrapped around him and her head only reaching the level of his abs, he smiled. Yes, she was a child. And no, she really was not. Not anymore, at least…
"Hey Bella?" He remembered calling out for her and waiting for her head to tilt upwards, so her amazingly beautiful eyes could get locked with his, before he would continue speaking.
"Thank you for letting me in, for allowing me to be there for you and to take care of you." He remembered those words perfectly. This had been a turning point in his relationship with little Bella, as she had let him hold her, she had showed affection for the first time.
"Thank you for wanting me, despite knowing the truth about me…" Bella had then struck him with those words and to this day he had no idea if she really meant what he suspected she might have.
As this dream sequence finished, Richard turned to the side and clutched onto that piece of fabric that he always kept under his pillow.
"Ce n'est pas mon nom, appelle moi Lauren…" His dreams had taken him back to the moment when he had seen Lauren, by the fountain. The moment she had met him.
He relaxed his head against the pillow, figuring out this would be a dream with cute scenes from their first moments together.
Wrong.
So wrong…
Right after hearing her voice, the scenes started to jump around and to change quickly.
Suddenly, he was seeing flashes of the last night they spent together and before he could suck in a breath, because what he saw her do to him was too much for him to handle, the scene had changed.
Lauren and him were now having a picnic in the beautiful gardens of a Chateau, just outside Paris – a place that he had taken Bella to, many times before. He saw her smile as she looked inside the improvised picnic basket he had put together for her, in the last moment before they had left for yet another field trip.
The next scene was of them, by a body of water. It didn't seem like it was the sea, but rather a river. There were lights and music, people everywhere. Groups of young people were dancing by the water and he was sitting on a bench, with his jacket covering both of them, holding Lauren in his arms and kissing her, whenever he felt like doing so. It felt normal, like it had been a thing he had done for a while. Looking at them from a far, in his dream sequence, he saw how happy they both looked. Her chin rested on his shoulder and she was telling him something about herself, but he couldn't make out the words. It was too loud. He needed to hear her words, but there was noise all around them. He was pretty sure he saw himself speak to her, but he had called her another name. He didn't say 'Lauren'. It was some other name that just rolled off his tongue, like he had been saying it all along. The Hell with the noise, he really needed to hear what she was saying back.
He then held her hand and they started walking.
"Excuse moi!" A young child's voice startled him and he looked down, only to figure out a little girl had run right into Lauren, on her way to catch up with the other kids.
He then watched Lauren kneel down and level out with this little girl.
For a second there, he allowed himself to look for similarities between the girl and the two of them – himself and Lauren. It was a dream of something that had never really happened, so his conscious might have been giving him signals for something…maybe a certain something he had always wanted to have.
And yet, her face, her nose, her lips, her hair, her eyes…none of them resembled either Lauren or him.
As he paid more attention to the scene, he found out how easily Lauren had connected to this little girl. Seconds later, he saw Lauren walk this girl to her mommy and daddy who were now looking for her, as she had run off with the kids and never came back to them.
He also noticed how hesitant Lauren was when she had to let go of this little girl's hand. It almost felt like she wanted to keep her, like she was unable to let go. And, in a moment of complete insanity, he allowed himself to wish that they would never have had to let go of this girl.
She could have been theirs. It could have been perfect. They could have been happy.
But she was someone else's child…
Why couldn't she have been theirs?
Why couldn't he have the perfect life, even if just in a damned dream sequence?
He shifted uncomfortably, feeling upset and hoping the scene would change.
Seconds later, the background faded and his mind focused on the façade of a building. He was driving a car towards it and after he parked, a private elevator took him right to the middle of his living room, on the sixth floor.
Walking in, he was welcomed by the perfect vision of his most sacred desire.
"Heeeeyyyyy, you're back. You're back. Yay, you're back early. Oh my God, you're back early! Yes, yes, yes, you're back!" Bella's voice and theatric ways welcomed him home.
He laughed, looking upwards and silently thanking God for blessing him with his little girl – so full of life, so expressive, so grateful to have him in her life, as well.
He saw her run towards him, but when she hugged him, he realized something – she was no longer twelve years old. Her nose no longer only reached the level of his abs. She was now almost as tall as him, standing tall next to someone of his ranking, with her chin up and her head held high. God bless her, she had always been his favorite little drama performer.
They were now equals. She was grown up, but it didn't matter her height, her wisdom, her way of filling the room with authority, wherever she walked in…she was still his little girl. She always will be.
"Oh God, no! You're back early!" Another female voice came in his direction.
He didn't need to look, to know who had spoken. There was only one female on the entire Planet who could smuggle so much sarcasm and irony into one short sentence.
As he turned around, he saw a very distraught Lauren, with a very dirty apron hanging around her waist, looking at him in a very panicked way, waving a pan in the air.
"No, no, no. I can still fix this. Rossi said…" Lauren paced left and right as she recalled a certain frantic phone call she had just placed to someone named Rossi, asking him for cooking advice. Again.
"What was it…" Lauren stopped for a moment before quoting Rossi in her best Italian accent. "If you no drink the wine, you no cook with the wine."
"Hey?" Richard tried to catch her attention.
"I wanted to surprise you…" Lauren said, biting her bottom lip in that sexy way that he had not yet learned how to resist.
"Well, I am surprised…" He suppressed a chuckle, eyeing her up and down, as she looked like a complete mess. He wouldn't even want to go check out what their kitchen looked like.
"Hey, ma chérie…come here." He pulled her close and kissed her cheek, weirdly being able to taste flour on it. What on Earth had exploded in that kitchen?
"I'll eat whatever it is that you're preparing. Also, and most importantly - happy anniversary." He said, handing her a small jewelry box.
While Lauren was busy opening it, someone else came into Richard's dream.
"Daddy! Mon beau papa!" A five year old exact replica of Lauren ran right into his arms, giving him soggy kisses on the face and neck.
"Daddy, welcome back home. Tu m'as manqué! I have a present for you!" She added, saying how she had missed him and handing him a framed drawing.
Because yes, he knew that if one day someone would call him 'daddy', it would be a girl. And it would be Lauren's child. There was no question about it. It was a fact. Sleeping or not, Richard wanted Lauren's child, or even better – children; to call him 'daddy' and that was it.
And yes, their child would most definitely be bilingual, too.
"Oh, wow…" He gasped, realizing what the drawing really represented.
He sat down at the couch, placing the little one on his lap, with Bella curiously looking over their shoulders. She was a sucker for all the details of everything possible. She just had to know it all. Lauren did the same, as they quietly watched daddy and daughter converse.
"This is mommy…" The child pointed at a very unsuccessful attempt of drawing a woman in a white dress. At least she got the dark hair right, even if it looked like there was a mop on Lauren's head.
"She is wearing white, because you are wedding her." She stated happily.
"Marrying her. Daddy was getting married to mommy in this drawing." He corrected her, because he'd be damned if he let his child go on using the wrong term.
"Okay, daddy." She agreed instantly, in that cute, high-pitched childish voice of hers, before pointing at a very tall and round shape, right next to Lauren's white skinny frame with a dark mop on her head.
"This is you, daddy."
"Baby, je t'aime, but are you trying to tell me I'm getting fat?" He laughed genuinely, comparing his round figure in the drawing, to Lauren's two horizontal lines that represented her small figure.
"No, daddy. Not a chance. With mommy's cooking…pff…" The little girl rolled her eyes – a perfect one and a half eye roll, before she flipped her hair in the most Diva-like manner. God, she reminded him of Bella when she had been little.
"Ouch!" Lauren hissed from behind the couch.
She had learned to do a few dishes very well, but whenever she improvised with something new, she was a complete disaster. This always resulted in a phone call, placing a large pizza order. And in the cases when Richard and her were on their own at the house, they would partake in a game of 'let's make another lil' one of those Divas' while waiting for the pizza to arrive.
"I guess we are all lucky that mommy married a French guy who knows how to cook." Richard smirked at his own statement.
"Oh, praise the Lord!" Bella commented in her own Diva way, earning herself a slap on the shoulder, from Lauren herself.
Richard noticed how well Bella and Lauren interacted. Their relationship was so pure, it didn't seem forced and it was obvious how close they were. Like a real family.
"C'est ma sœur, this is my sister." The child continued rambling about her drawing, as the grown up irony was lost on her and she was getting bored.
What entertained her was to say something in one language and then to repeat the same statement, in the other language, too. Bella had also been teaching her Spanish since she had been born, so she was borderline trilingual now and yet, she was curious to learn more. And she loved to learn new words in different languages, but the best way to learn them was with her sister. If it was up to her, she would glue herself to Bella's side and she would never let go.
She had put in a lot of effort, drawing Bella. To her, her elder sister was her world. She would always stay by her side and do whatever she did. Bella, in turn, found out that she loved being someone's role model and she took her 'big sister' role very seriously, spoiling that kid rotten and bending over backwards, trying to fulfill all of her wishes. There wasn't anything in the world – legal or not, that Bella would not do for her little Princess.
"Should I guess who that is?" Richard pointed at a smaller figure, standing between himself and Lauren, as they were all at the Altar.
"C'est moi! That's me, daddy!" The child stated proudly.
"But, sweetheart, you weren't even born when daddy and mommy got married. In fact, you weren't even conceived yet…" He countered.
"Arguably…" Lauren smirked, remembering how weird and complicated the timeline of their relationship had been at the beginning.
It was weird – Richard was dreaming of this made up scene, but in his dream he was able to figure out what everyone was thinking and feeling, as the scene unraveled. He was grateful for it. It was nice. It felt like watching a movie with a narrator behind the scenes, but it was also like reading a book, where the author would set the scene and let him imagine it all, giving all the different points of views, of all the characters involved. Those were Richard's favorite kind of dreams.
"Why do I get a present?" He asked the child.
"Because I wanted to thank you for wedding mommy and making us a family." The child replied, before she quickly corrected herself. "Marrying. I thank you for marrying mommy."
"Wow, is that how I used to sound, with all of my damn emotional speeches?" Bella asked rhetorically, thinking of a time in her past when she used to play this mind game with a certain someone, making them guess the hidden meaning of her each and every word and driving them completely insane in the process.
Richard then heard Lauren call Bella with another name, but sadly he was unable to hear the name well. It was not 'Bella'. And then Bella did not call Lauren with that name, either. This was the part of his dream that made no sense. It confused him and he tried to focus back to what he could figure out on his own.
"What are those black things on our thighs?" He pointed at the drawing once again.
"That's our guns, daddy."
"Well, I get it why mommy, daddy and your sister have them, but you…why?" He was once again confused.
"Because we are a tough family and nobody messes with us. And I am small, but I can defend myself. Bella taught me how to kick and punch and she said that if this doesn't work, I should bite anything I see. And then she told me exactly where to kick boys and she told me to scream at the top of my lungs if I thought I was in danger. And also – to run, in case any of the above fails to help me. Also, she said when I am 23 I can join the Academy, but she also said I can start training way earlier."
"Bella!" Richard gasped, giving his elder daughter a disapproving look.
"Hey, don't judge me! You brought me up that way. I was just a little older than this nugget when you taught me all these things and more, so shut up and accept that this is Karma." Bella smirked and she was just as stubborn as he remembered her.
Richard shifted in his sleep, trying to fit a few puzzle pieces together. What he was seeing was the picture perfect family, but was that little girl just a memory of Bella, when she was young? Or was she an actual person, herself? Was she really the product of Richard and Lauren? Were there two girls that he would get to proudly call his 'daughters', or was it always just Bella, multiplied, because dreams did not have to make all the sense in the world? And why were they calling each other different names, but his name never changed in any of those interactions?
"Now, I just want to make this clear – we are taking my sister to Disney Land for the weekend. We are leaving right after lunch now and we won't be back until Monday evening, around eight o'clock. So, you know where I'm going with this…" Bella stated, extending her hand to hold her sister's as she eyed Lauren and Richard with the most knowing look in her eyes.
"You are welcome." She added. "Oh and it better be a girl again."
"Oh, no! You two are enough." Lauren murmured ironically.
"Do I get a say in this?" Richard smirked, wanting to make a funny comment, but the look Lauren gave him showed how little say he had in anything, really.
"Fine, I'm already outnumbered by all of you, Boss Ladies anyway, so…" He added with a shrug, faking a pout.
He'd let them think they had won. He'd do anything, to see his wife and daughters smile victoriously, to show them that they were powerful females who did not need to bow down to what a man had to say. He'd raise his daughters to be fierce, with a mind of their own and just as powerful as they mother's.
The girls then went to Bella's room where she surely would be giving her little sister a make-over before lunch would be ready.
"We?" Richard asked, in reference to what Bella had said – that 'they' were taking the kid to Disney Land.
Both in his dream and as he dreamt of it, the idea of Bella taking a trip with someone else…and he sensed that it was a guy; was way too huge for him to grasp and deal with.
"My love, please don't go back to the overbearing, overly protective father figure." Lauren teased him.
"When have I ever-…"
Before he could continue his useless question, Lauren showered him with a few of all the possible answers.
"When you learned they were dating. When you put this poor guy through all sorts of tests, both physically and emotionally draining. When you commanded him not to get Bella pregnant and you then told him exactly what you would do to him – in great details, if he ever failed that promise. When Bella had to sneak out in the middle of the night and text me beforehand, so I can keep you…well, entertained, in our room, so she could go hang out with him. When you held a gun against his forehead and told him a few 'fatherly' things, as you then called them in your defense, which did not work, by the way, as him and I had a really good laugh about it with a glass of wine, afterwards. When you told him that if he ever hurt our Bella, he wouldn't want to know what was coming for him and that he would be begging for a quick and painless death. When you freaked out the day you learned who Bella had fallen for-…"
He decided to silence his wife with a quick kiss, as these facts were killing him, mostly because they were all so true. He may have gone a little overboard, but this was his little girl and he would be damned if he didn't make sure she was extra protected. He had been protecting her most of her life and he knew he would keep doing so until the last breath he'd take. And then he would do it all over again, for his other little girl.
"So, a long weekend without the kids at home. And they do want a sister…" Richard moved closer to Lauren, letting his hand caress her cheek as he tried to change the subject.
"Don't even think about it! Are you insane? I'm not exactly twenty-five anymore. May I remind you I already had a risky pregnancy five years ago. It's a miracle that I even conceived at forty-five."
"My love, she turned out just fine." Richard smiled, looking at the drawing once again, thinking of his second little girl.
"Yes and thank God for that. I spent nine months wondering if she would be healthy and if she would even make it…" Lauren bit her bottom lip, thinking of something from her past.
It had been more than a miracle. Life was unpredictable. At fifteen, life had other plans for her, so her pregnancy hadn't gone the way she had planned, even if technically she never really planned on it at all. At forty-five – an age at which most people have already given up trying, Lauren had managed to be given a second chance at getting what she had always wanted – to give birth to a happy, healthy little girl. For her, Bella was enough. But deep down inside, it was important that she'd give birth. It made her feel complete. It made her feel like she had finally done it, the right way, with the right person. It was a do-over for that one darkest moment of her life when she had been too young, too afraid and way too alone to even know what to do with herself.
He knew that she hated thinking about the pregnancy. It had terrified her. She had been in pain, both physical and emotional. But in the end, it had all been worth it. They were now a family – a complete family, a real family.
"You know that I would have been okay even if we only had Bella, right?" He whispered.
"I know. But I also know we both wanted this…we needed this. And I know that in our eyes, Bella and her are equals. They will always be." Lauren replied before giving him that long awaited passionate kiss that he had been craving for.
"Happy anniversary, my love." She whispered against his lips and then he felt her putting something in his hands.
A present? With a huge smile, Richard looked down, curious to find out what it was. Lauren seemed quite eager to finally give it to him, so this must have been something great.
Suddenly, the dream sequence ended.
"No…damn it!" Richard mumbled in his sleep.
This was so not fair. If this was the closest he would ever get to having the family he wanted – just dreams of it; then he wanted to see more of them. He wanted to know who Bella's boyfriend was and if his younger daughter grew up to join the Academy, like she had stated she'd want to do. He wanted to know if Lauren and him ever had another baby, even if it would be risky and crazy for them to do it all over again, at their age. Maybe they adopted another child? He was desperate to know if Bella and the little girl were the same person or not. He had so many questions, but sadly, all he saw was darkness, as he continued sleeping.
It got annoying, to the point where he shifted in bed, trying to adjust his pillow and the covers, but nothing seemed to be working. The nice dream was done and a new scene did not start.
Now grumpy and annoyed, he woke up, in the middle of the night. With one hand he grabbed the small calendar that he kept on the night stand and he went two months back, checking out a date that he had circled in red. It had been the day he had spoken to Lauren, by the fountain. I had been the day he had started his attempts of getting close to her. It had been seven days before the day – circled in black on the same calendar; that he had been forced to break her heart, without being able to give her any explanation. And then, it had been nearly two months since, during which time he had constantly thought and dreamt about her, wishing that one day his phone would ring and it would be one more day, circled in red on his calendar. One more beginning. A clean slate for them. Again. And he knew that this time, if he got to circle one more day in red, he would never allow any force in the world to then make him circle a day in black again. No more endings. No more pain. No more disappointing her. It would be a beginning…and it would be a good life. With her. And if it would be in God's will – maybe with a precious little Princess, to keep Bella company, too.
The very next morning after Emily's own dream of what the future might have been, even if it was a Saturday, was a work day for the BAU. They were supposed to meet up at nine and discuss new budget-related strategies. And then they were all going to have a nice, relaxing Saturday lunch outside, maybe some little restaurant under the sun, as the day was beautiful and they could all use some fresh air.
At least that was the plan until they all showed up for work that morning. All, but one…
"Prentiss did what?" Rossi raised an eyebrow.
JJ repeated her previous statement.
He was still not convinced.
"Read it yourself." JJ handed him a piece of paper.
"Wow…" Rossi sighed. This was unexpected.
"It's only a few days…" JJ calmed him down. "And this time we know she's coming back."
"Yeah, but why now?" Rossi asked out loud.
"Why now what?" It wouldn't be Reid if he didn't butt in a conversation.
"Prentiss just filed to use a few days off her annual vacation leave." Rossi said, tossing the paper over to Reid, as proof.
"Oh, okay. Good." Reid seemed unmoved by this.
"Good? It's Emily Prentiss. She basically lives in her office. She never takes days off." Rossi was still a bit obsessed with finding out the true reason behind Emily's sudden need for a vacation.
"Maybe she just wants to go wild this weekend. Hey? Can't blame her for wanting to let loose." Luke smirked, walking by his colleagues and also butting into their conversation.
"Oh…" JJ suddenly realized something.
"That's my girl!" JJ smirked, muttering that addition to herself and feeling oddly proud of Emily for finally having the courage to do something good for herself.
REVIEW REPLIES:
"zhangxinna" Girl, get your pop-corn and your Kleenex ready for the next chapter, because we all know October 12th is Emily's birthday and she deserves a lil' somethin' sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet :P :P :P !
"Ducksdragonfly" Hey :)! Angie using Emily's official paper is a HUGE deal, when it comes to "breaking up" with 'Monkey' and letting them know that 'Emily Prentiss' is now taking over. I'm happy this chapter was so well received! I had fun writing it, even if I most definitely did push a bit about Emily's "naughty" past and the things Clara was saying about it, lol. I guess I might need to change some chapter's ratings, because of innuendos and little comments like those, lol. I found out I quite enjoy writing those and that is exactly how I see Emily Prentiss behaving, outside of work. Hope you also enjoyed this chapter (109), and I don't think you're ready for the next one :)!
"sweetkid45" Hi :)! Emily and JJ are always going to be work wives hehe. I adore their close friendship. Same with Emily/Clara. As for who Emily ends up with...it would surely be an amazing man who will treat her right, but who won't mind getting a lil' rough, only when she asks for it. LOL.
"rmpcmfan" Hello :)! Yes, indeed, chapter 108 had a LOT of important lil' mentions. I figured out that I love Emily being a lil' naughty, so that may result into a rating change of some future chapters, lol. NO EXPLICIT STUFF will be mentioned directly, but still jokes and innuendos and mentions of her favorite pastime with whoever she will end up dating next, hehe! (Also, because of mentions of case-related details, guns, blood, etc.)
Yeah, Martha definitely handled the situation very well. Emily HATES being told how she feels, so she would not have listened. JJ knows it, Morgan knew it when she cried in his hands that night and he refused to tell her that he was absolutely sure that this 'Richard' man was crazy about her and that this was not a goodbye letter, but a love letter instead; now Martha also figured it out and gave Emily the option to figure it out on her own...while humiliating herself as a drunk cuckoo in the process, lol!
If Emily was ever to be with anyone, that person would find out where her priorities lay. And the readers will find out what her future plans are: FBI? A new job? A new city/country? A new beginning? Would THAT make Emily Prentiss happy? Or is it something else that she wants? We shall see...
Now let's dive into those theories of yours that I cannot confirm nor deny (so to avoid big spoilers) :P Hehe. However, I love your thinking and your deduction! I can see how it might all fit together and make sense.
The initials are a huge clue and the key to deciphering their meaning is in the show. There was a scene in earlier episodes that ties to it, but you'd have to be a complete show buff to remember that, lol! I'll later explain it all, in the story :)!
I can confirm that someone gave up a 'role', indeed. As in - someone is no longer the person they used to be, if they were ever really that person. (Promise this statement will make all the sense in the world when you learn more about the truth).
I'm sure this current chapter (109) shed some light about Richard's little girl, named 'Bella'. Now sit back and relax, because next Monday is October 12 - Emily Prentiss' birthdaaayyyyy! And that only means I gotta give her a nice present, after torturing her for months, lol! Right? :)
