Up To Something

That night, they camped outside of town, under the trees behind the castle. The moon alighted the windmill far off in the distance as the three sat around a fire, having a dinner of fire-roasted pilfered crops.

Felicia held up the crumpled tourist map of Duloc, a crude layout of the museum drawn over Farquaad's castle. "Each bathroom has one window," she pointed toward the back of the castle, "and I'm the only one of us who could fit. I broke the lock on the one in the women's room, so I'll sneak in through there, snag the map, slip back out, and then we run. Simple as that!" She took a satisfied bite of corn.

"HEY hey hey–" Farkle stood up indignantly, "so you're just gonna do it all yourself?" Turnip bits flew as he barked at his sister across the campfire.

"You two COULDN'T fit if you tried–" Felicia countered.

"And you'll brag and rub it in our faces til the end of time–" Farkle's eyes rolled back into his skull as he messed his hair.

"No I wouldn't, Fark–" Felicia stood up herself.

"Oh yeah RIGHT Fel–"

"GUYS." Fergus shot up to his feet, his hands held out reflexively in both their directions. "Look… Fel's plan sounds solid–"

"Ha!" Felicia raised her eyebrows victoriously at Farkle. Farkle took a step toward her, filling himself with air to combat her. Fergus took a step in his direction, his arm seemingly the only thing holding Farkle back.

"BUT! But!" Fergus continued, giving Felicia eyes to shut her up as he held off Farkle, "This is our only chance to do this. And this is probably our only chance for the map, at all. So… I think it would be smart if we–" he gestured between Farkle and himself, "helped in some way. We can't blow this."

Felicias' eyes hardened, and she began to open her mouth in protest of Fergus, but he took a step toward her, arm lowered defensively as if calming a tiger. "NOT that I think you would blow it, obviously. Just– we can't let anything slip through the cracks."

Farkle and Felicia stared at the brother between them as he kept them at bay, then raised their eyes to one another for a moment. They then both sighed away, not so subtle expressions of irritation still on their faces.

"Maybe, too… we should give it a few days." Fergus sat back down, avoiding either sibling's face in case they had something to say about his suggestion.

"...Why?" Farkle asked, no ire in his voice, just hesitant confusion.

"I think Sternbluff may have caught on to us." Felicia replied flatly.

"Aye," Fergus exhaled as he sliced a potato with his pocket knife. "I mean, he may not have, but it just felt like–"

"He knew there was a reason we came here for the map, and not Far Far Away. Right." Farkle nodded as he too sat back down.

"And besides," Felicia offered, spearing another onion on her long fire-roasting stick, "what rush are we even in? What's a few more days?"

Farkle's glance darted between either sibling, before he looked at his feet, scratching the back of his head. "I don't know… I just, y'know… wanna go." He couldn't help but chuckle in spite of himself, which the other two mirrored.

"I mean, same," Felicia admitted as she rotated her onions on the open flame, "but this'll be worth it."

"Besides," Fergus bit a crispy slice of potato off the end of his skewer, "we need to gather more crops for when we make a break for it. Who knows how long it'll be before we come across another jackpot like this." He gestured broadly at the vast crops that surrounded Duloc.

"So. It's a plan?" Felicia asked the two, though her eyes fell on Farkle specifically. Fergus nodded.

Farkle, noticing Felicia's targeted stare, gave her a sarcastic little nod with a pursed lip smile.


They kept a low profile over the next few days, their camp within the trees behind Duloc providing easy access to the cornfields. They harvested excess provisions for both their immediate meals, as well as food for the next leg of their journey once the map was acquired. Perhaps, had they embarked on Leaving Day any earlier, they wouldn't have the maturity, the forethought, the experience that they had now, at seventeen.

The evening of the third day finally came upon them. When the sun fully disappeared behind the distant hills, they tied their knapsacks, bursting with crops, up a particularly tall and densely gnarled tree - they didn't need the extra bulk for this mission. They would return after acquiring the map, and hide up the trees until the coast was unquestionably clear. If anyone even attempted to chase them, that is, but they had to anticipate anything. From their camp, they watched the lights of the houses go out one by one, until the entire town was dark, and then waited another couple hours. They extinguished their campfire, hiding any trace of life, and headed toward town.

The siblings rounded the massive stone wall around Duloc, toward the single front entrance. This version of Duloc was most comfortable to them - in the dead of night, sneaking around into their favorite shadowed hiding spots, except this time they had no unassuming citizens to scare the wits out of. Stood in the empty parking lot, they planted their feet in a triangle, and put their heads together, the boys bent over awkwardly to meet Felicia's. They smiled at each other and parted, and headed into Duloc.

They crept silently down the thoroughfare toward the gargantuan castle, their footfalls undetectable to even their own ears - Farkle scanning before them, Felicia their left and right, and Fergus the rear. As they approached the front door to the museum, Felicia split from the group, back around to her prepped bathroom window. Farkle followed after her, and Fergus stood off to the side of the front of the building, keeping watch.

Felicia approached the women's bathroom window, Farkle approaching a few yards behind her. She carefully pulled the window open toward her, and open it did - the hinges swiftly broke off of both the window and pane, disintegrated by the acidic quality of her saliva that she'd lubricated the squeaky hardware with the other day. Her grasp on the pane was thrown off-kilter at the unexpected weight shift, and her eyes widened for fear of it smashing against the ground. She shot her free hand out in a panic to catch it, but another pair of green hands beside her caught the pane, inches from impact.

"Thanks," Felicia mouthed soundlessly, as Farkle placed the window pane safely against the wall. He quickly nodded at her, as if to say "No problem."

Felicia eyed up the now fully open square hole in the wall, the bottom edge at exactly her eye level. She glanced aside at her brother, who took a knee and laced his fingers together. She gripped the bottom of the window, and stepped in his hands, as he slowly stood, adjusting the height of his hands to assist her up and in. Felicia wriggled her torso through the opening, to which Farkle grabbed her ankles to lower her onto her hands. As soon as Felicia was in a stable handstand, she clicked her heels together twice, signaling Farkle to let go, allowing her to tuck-and-roll into the restroom.

She rose to her feet, and the two listened for a moment, both inside and outside. Silence. They nodded at each other, and Farkle made his way back around to the front with Fergus, to await Felicia opening the front door.

She cautiously opened the door that led into the hallway and was met with pitch blackness, which contrasted the moonlit bathroom she stood in. They hadn't factored in the now obvious possibility that, of course, all the candles would be extinguished for the night, which was only worsened by the fact that there were no windows in the entire museum hall. And now she couldn't even tell Farkle so he and Fergus could do… something about that. Not that she knew what either of them could do at this point.

Her foot in the door to keep it from closing, Felicia stretched to reach the large, metal trash can in the corner of the bathroom - she almost began to drag it, but caught herself, picking it up off the ground. She placed it down to prop open the bathroom door, hoping the moonlight would help, however minimal. She stepped out into the hall, and repeated the process with the men's door. It help some, but not much. She stood in the hallway, waiting for her eyes to adjust - certainly better in low light than the average human, but still hindered by the black abyss. Slowly, the text above the three wall displays became clear, and the massive bookshelves emerged from the blackness. She crept into the main room, more shapes coming into view as she moved through the room. She ran her fingers along the bookshelf to guide her, as this was by far the pitchest-black part of the room, her heightened vision almost as useless as a human's.

Her hand finally ran out of wood, and she found herself directly behind Sternbluff's desk chair, almost bumping it, but sidestepped just in time. The large metal handle of the front door slowly came into focus. She strode quickly toward it, and knocked on the great wood door twice - as lightly as she could to not be loud, but loud enough for her brothers to hear. She waited, the darkness so thick she wasn't aware that her nose was mere millimeters from touching the door. Finally, after what was probably five seconds but felt like an eternity, came the required two-knock reply. She exhaled a breath in relief, and lifted the great wooden arm that kept the door locked. She then turned the metal handle and pulled the door open.

The two boys quickly and quietly stepped inside. Fergus sighed, "Took you long en–"

CLANGALANGACLANGALANGACLA–

The three ducked in pain and panic as they covered their ears, the deafening metal alarm bells drilling ceaselessly into their skulls.

"AHH–" "WE GOTTA–" "IS THERE A SHUT–" "COME ON–" "WHERE IS–" "THE KNIGHT DEPARTMENT IS UPSTAIRS WE HAVE TO–" They could barely hear their own voices over the alarm. They looked around wildly, futilely, frenzied and disoriented in the dark, which only panicked them more.

CLANGALANGACLANGALANGACLA–

Fergus felt around the wall frantically, looking for the bell to maybe rip off the wall, or at least damage the metal arm that struck it. His hands found not the bell, however, but something hard and textured, raised from the flat surface of the wall - he squinted as he realized he was looking at words, willing his eyes to adjust to the darkness: SECURITY OVERRIDE. Below it, ten wooden switches numbered 0-9, left to right.

"GUS WE GOTTA GET OUTTA–"

Fergus's frenzied mind raced, staring at the panel.

CLANGALANGACLANGALANGACLA–

What could the code possibly be? How many characters? Was it too late? Would knights be descending on them at any–

Wait. Knights.

Duloc Knight Department.

D. K. D.

Fourth letter. Eleventh. Fourth.

CLANGALANGACLANGALANGACLA–

Fergus removed a hand from an ear, flinching again at the awful sound.

Switch 4, flip once.

Switch 1, flip once, flip twice.

Switch 4, flip once.

CLANGALA–

…then nothing.

Silence.

The ringing of the horrible bells still rattled around their skulls. But around them… silence.

The ogres collectively let their panic escape their mouths, their knees weakening and then instantly rigid, the split-second relief immediately metabolizing into adrenaline, rage, or both.

"WHAT THE F–" Felicia lunged at her brothers.

"FEL C'MON we have to get–" Farkle started down the bookshelf aisle, the task at hand more important than her tantrum.

"I TOLD YOU I should've done it myself!" Felicia raged, pointing in Fergus's face.

"STOP–" Fergus spat back, and smacked her hand out of his face, "We gotta–" He turned to follow Farkle, but Felicia grabbed his offending hand and wrenched his arm behind his back. "AUGH!"

"WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO–" Farkle bellowed at her, halfway down the bookshelf, neither realizing nor caring how loud they were still being.

"NONE of this would've HAPPENED if–" Felicia shoved Fergus away hard with both hands. As his arm flailed and his feet tripped over themselves, he fell against the bookshelf.

"Whoa–!" Farkle scrambled the rest of the way through the aisle toward the exhibit as the shelf teetered with a great groan. Fergus and Felicia stumbled away from the impending disaster on the other end, too shocked to attempt to stop it. The shelf finally gave in to gravity, dominoing into its neighboring bookshelf, volumes spilling from it. That bookshelf then dominoed into the next one, and the next one, until the entire collection had avalanched around the dark hall with a terrible, deafening crash.

Farkle looked at Felicia and Fergus over the tops of the felled shelving, completely separated, both parties stunned. Fergus gave Felicia an urgent look, before he started to climb over the mountain of shelves and books, to get to the exhibit on the other side.

"Fel, come on!" Farkle called from across the vast room.

Felicia's eyes darted between Farkle, then to Fergus, and then to the hallway that led back to the open window in the women's room.

She turned and sprinted down the corridor toward the restroom.

"FREEZE!"

Further down the hall as the corner turned, the clank of armor finally made itself known, delayed to Felicia's perception from the adrenaline ringing in her ears. The shink of the knights' swords unsheathing, however, came through loud and clear to her.

She considered turning and running the other direction, and she considered powering through to the bathroom door that was mere yards from her, but also mere yards from the knights. She didn't have much experience with armed opponents, however; she was mostly versed in hand-to-hand combat, and mostly with her brothers, and the odd peer that may have crossed her. So, Felicia made the best decision she had that night, and put her hands up, ears low, squinting from the knights' bright torch light.

One of the knights pulled her wrists down forcefully, cuffing them behind her back. He turned her around roughly and walked her back down the hall, toward the main exhibit room, followed by the rest of his squadron.

Fergus and Farkle stood in the center of the exhibit, their attention turned to the hallway that the shadow of their sister just sped down.

Farkle scoffed bitterly. "What a bi–"

His condemnation was cut short as a mechanical clunk of a pulled lever sounded. The brothers looked up in time to see a massive rope net fall from the ceiling, formidable weights around its edges speeding its descent. Any exclamation of shock they might have uttered was lost as the net pinned them to the floor, face-first.

Felicia, flanked by her law enforcement escorts, emerged from the hallway to see her brothers struggle to their feet against the thick rope atop them. More knights emerged from the hallway, running past Felicia's detainers to neutralize their two new captives.

Hands up in surrender as they stood hunched under the net, the boys shot daggers at their sister. She met their glares briefly, before averting her eyes.

"Do you think they spotted us?" Farkle muttered sardonically to his brother.

"Yeah, Fark," Fergus grunted back, his eyes falling to the swords now pointed at them, "I think they have."

"We're about to get… DKD'd down, then," Farkle concluded.

Felicia sighed. "Shut UP."


"What do you think they're doing right now?" Fiona asked, looking at the ceiling as she lay in bed, her candle glowing beside her in the otherwise dark room.

"I'd hope right now they'd be asleep," Shrek sighed, laying beside her. "But knowin' them, I'm sure they're already chompin' at the bit to get up to somethin'. It's what they do best."

Fiona exhaled lightly with a small, tired smile. "You're right."

"G'night, Fi."

"Goodnight, honey." They turned into each other to share another quick kiss, before settling in to sleep.


AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Oopsie! Journey cut short by youthful folly!

Let's see how the kids navigate this one.

Big thanks as always to hanny spoon.

Thanks for reading! Please review if you feel so inclined. :)