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Fiona lifted the spoon to her mouth, about to take her first bite of the night's stew, when a far-off, faint orange flash caught her eye from out the front window. She rolled her eyes as she took her bite, then dropped the spoon back in the bowl as she nudged her husband's arm and nodded toward the window.
Shrek turned his head, catching not only the distant orange, but also hearing the chatter that accompanied. He too rolled his eyes, exhaling a small, incredulous scoff. "Another one?" He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, and scooted his chair back.
"I've got this one," Fiona patted his shoulder to stop him, standing from the table herself. "You got last night's." She took out her hair tie and shook her head until her hair was a huge, confusing mess around her face. She smirked at him from within the chaos.
Shrek gave her a thumbs up, and she pecked him on the lips as she headed for the door.
"I'll keep yer bowl warm, Fi."
"Thanks, hon!"
Shrek emptied Fiona's bowl back into the hot cauldron and went back to his portion, dining to the soothing sounds of his wife's guttural roars and the terrified screams of whatever bumpkins had chosen to trespass on their property, accented by the clatter of pitchforks as they fell to the ground.
Angry mobs were on the rare side these days, compared to what it used to be, but they still happened. The last several years, they'd let the kids handle them when they did arise. But two nights in a row? Even in the old days, that was an anomaly.
Hearing his wife's footsteps approaching again, Shrek rose and ladeled fresh, hot stew back into her bowl, setting it at her place, followed by a second helping for himself. The door's hinges groaned as Fiona entered.
"We needed another one of these, didn't we?"
Shrek turned his head at his wife's question, just in time to catch the pitchfork she tossed his way. He gave it a quick look over as he put another spoonful into his mouth, and gave a short hum of approval. "Wish it had four prongs 'n not three, but it'll do."
"The four prong ones they had were in awful shape," Fiona replied disappointedly as she picked her hair tie back up from where she left it on the table, pulling her long hair back into a quick ponytail. "Plus, we got a good four-pronger last night." She glanced across the room at the other pitchfork leaning against the side table by the front door.
"Mm! Forgot about that one. Thanks, Fi." Shrek leaned over to kiss Fiona as she sat back down. She smiled as they parted, and picked up her spoon to dig back into her dinner, and Shrek set the pitchfork lengthwise on the table.
As she brought another spoonful to her lips, she looked at her husband again. "A bit strange, don't you think? Two nights in a row?" She took her bite as she finished her sentence.
Shrek met her eyes as he chewed a particularly griselly chunk of creature, swallowing after a moment. "I dunno, maybe after last night's crew went cryin' back home, this one came to avenge 'em." He chuckled uneventfully.
"Have back-to-back mobs ever happened before?"
"Well… no, but, ya know… first time fer everythin'!"
Humans - especially the genre dumb enough to go after an ogre household, no less - didn't often adhere to the most logical choices, so two consecutive days of incompetent mobs made about as much sense as anything.
Following that momentary interruption, the couple's dinner continued on in a much less eventful tone, followed by a perfectly mundane night's sleep.
The early morning sun's rays shot through the thick canopy of green that enveloped the swamp. Fiona sat on her knees at the edge of the expansive swamp behind their home, waiting for the feeling to pass. Her eyes were closed but her ears were open, attuned to every sound around her, no matter how small… just in case.
She hadn't been sick this morning, she'd only felt sick. The morning sickness had by and large receded in the past weeks, but it always seemed to rear its frustrating head right when she believed it was at last behind her. But maybe, just maybe, because this morning's bout had no result, that meant it was finally, finally over. The nausea was perhaps her least favorite part of pregnancy. Well, that and the fatigue. And the mood swings. And… well, a lot of things, she eventually conceded. To stop herself from fixating on all of that, she forced herself to consider the positives: the fact it had lessened at all at this point was huge, considering how long and how severely sick she'd been with the triplets. It also all but confirmed, along with her current size, that this would indeed be just one baby. She resolved to be grateful for how relatively easy she had it this time - this was nothing, comparatively. Well… almost nothing.
But… was one baby a good thing? Fiona opened her eyes and turned her head to look at the expansive front yard, once a chaotic battlefield of toys and swings and slides to share between three active little ogres, now quite empty, save for an outdoor table and two chairs. Most of those wooden playthings were long gone, repurposed over the years into new toys, furniture, shelves, or even just firewood. Their crib and subsequent beds had gone that way as well. There were, of course, a few select toys she'd insisted on saving, stowed away in a trunk below her side of the bed. Well, a small comfort came in not having to craft three children's worth of toys this time, she thought.
With all the stress and struggles of raising three children at once, one thing she took great comfort in - from the moment she knew there would be three, to this very morning as she thought of them on their grand adventure - the fact they would never be alone. It was something about her own childhood - both prior to, as well as during her time away - that she adamantly wished to avoid repeating with her own family: the loneliness. She knew, of course, that the triplets would eventually find their own individual ways in the world, and they would lead their own lives. She wasn't naive. But that was years away, surely, when they were older, maybe even settled down with a mate. When… she and Shrek would have a toddler on their hands.
That was a worry for another time. She took a deep breath in, head tilted back toward the sky - yellow and magenta with sunrise when she exited the house, now giving way to light blue. Shrek was long since awake as well, inside preparing breakfast. Fiona had gently relieved him of his sick-helper duties as it began to reduce in frequency and severity. He would still wake up with her such mornings, though, shifting his outhouse routine earlier and often missing the accompanying daily paper delivery. She would then bring in the paper when she returned, and they would read it over breakfast. A new, not so new, morning ritual of theirs.
Fiona slowly rose to her feet, taking in another deep inhale. She tossed her hair out of her face, and turned to walk toward where she heard the newspaper drop from the sky near the outhouse. She picked it up mid-stride, and pivoted back toward the house. As she looked down to grab the door handle, her eye caught the black-and-white face printed in the center of the front page.
Fergus?
Fiona's vision tunneled. She expanded the trifolded newspaper, revealing the full photo: Farkle to one side of Fergus, Felicia to the other, all behind the bars of the same cell, their stony, defiant faces to the camera. She let the paper drop open, revealing thick black text below the photo:
SAVAGE SIBLINGS SEIZED.
"Shrek…"
"Ye all right?" Shrek asked from inside as he opened the door. "I knew I heard ye comin' up t–" He was met with his wife on the doorstep, paper gripped tightly, her eyes locked on it, which then lifted up to him. She flipped the paper around for him to see.
His eyes darted from the photo, to the bold headline, to the photo's caption:
L to R: Farkle (17), Fergus (17), Felicia (17), jailed at Duloc Knight Department.
"Hey-hey! Would ya lookit that!" Shrek exclaimed excitedly as he whisked the paper from Fiona. His eyes fell to the body of the article below the headline:
September 30 - TOWN CENTER, DULOC - The Duloc Knight Department reports that the Duloc Historical Museum & Library has been the target of a late-night break-in attempt by three ogres. Ironically, they are the offspring of notable ogres Princess Fiona, the almost-bride of former ruler Lord Farquaad, and Shrek, both of whom had direct involvement in removing Farquaad from power.
In the very late hours of the night of September 27, the three beasts (photographed above) illegally entered the Museum through an unsecured restroom window. Their intent for the break-in remains unclear, but it can be assumed they intended to vandalize and/or pillage the Museum and/or Library.
Based on the evidence at hand, their charges include: Breaking & Entering (DMC 4.907.1), Vandalism (DMC 4.089.2), Disturbance Of The Peace (DMC 4.989.8), and Assorted Mischief (DMC 6.129.3). They have thus been sentenced to one month of incarceration under DKD custody. Their actions tarnish what good deeds their parents left Duloc with years ago. A recent poll of Dulocians reveals that popular opinion of ogre goodwill has dropped dramatically over the last 48 hours.
"Guess that explains the mob uptick, heh. But I told ye they'd find somethin' to get up to! Less than a week out 'n already makin' a stink!" Shrek smacked the paper with the back of his fingers and sighed proudly. "I mean, bit of a safe choice if ye ask me, but still a good start, all things consid–"
"Shrek." Fiona said plainly, her empty hands having crossed over her chest while her husband poured over the article.
He lowered the paper and looked at her. She was not smiling along with him. "What?" He quickly processed her body language, the expression set on her face. He exhaled as disarmingly as he could. "Fi, the mobs'll get bored in a few days—"
"It's not that," she said quickly. "Believe me. I–" she sighed, and shook her head. She walked past her husband into the house. She plopped down in her seat at the table, and rubbed her forehead.
"I guess I just… didn't expect that." She gestured at the paper he held.
Shrek raised an eyebrow as he followed her inside, a small, curious smile still present. He let the paper fall closed in his hands. "What, them gettin' tossed in the slammer of some nearby village? That's pretty–"
"That's just it, though," Fiona interjected. "They're at the mercy of some random knights now, what if–"
"Fiona," Shrek soothed, taking his own seat beside her at the table, "They're fine, I promise. We've taught 'em too good for 'em notto be." He set the paper down and took her hands in his.
Fiona looked at him, her brow still knit. "So… we shouldn't go visit them? Or help them?"
Shrek's eyes widened briefly in disbelief, before he again chuckled it off. "Nah. A'course not! They got themselves into this, they can figure it out. Plus, I don't think they'd very much appreciate their parents showin' up after their first wee hiccup. That goes against Leavin' anyway–"
"Honey, they're in jail–"
"Oh aye, I read the article!" Shrek replied, the light tone in his voice thinning. "That's on them fer gettin' caught! And it's only fer a month. In Duloc of all places," he sneered, "that place's got no teeth with their new–"
"Shrek, I–" Fiona started again, before stopping herself. She rose from the table and paced toward the center of the house's main room. "…What if this gets to Far Far Away?"
Shrek looked at her a moment; that was certainly the last thing he expected her to say. "And when has that ever mattered?"
"Now. It matters now, that they're independently operating out in the world, they're still–"
"Fi, I hate to break it to ye, but–"
"–still royalty! And the papers love to–"
"–the gossip rags haven't paid us mind for years, I don't think they're gonna start–"
"–They have a public image, they can't just go around acting like–"
"Like what, Fiona?" Shrek rose and fully faced her, remaining by his chair.
Fiona set her eyes defiantly onto her husband's. "Like criminals, is what I was going to say. We didn't raise them like that!"
"Oh, come ON, Fi!" Shrek groaned. "Like what?! No one was hurt, no one died, this kinda thing is exactly what they're s'posed to be doin' out there!"
"Have YOU ever been jailed?"
"Well– no!" he replied defensively. "Almost yah, coupl'a times, and even then not since I was younger than them. But they're already at a disadvantage goin' out–"
"A 'disadvantage'?" Fiona inquired of his word choice, but her flat tone of voice was not at all curious.
Shrek closed his eyes, before firmly setting them on her again. "Yah. A disadvantage. They weren't ready fer the traditional Leaving Day when they were younger–"
Fiona rolled her eyes and turned away from him. "This again– Shrek, WE weren't ready for Leaving Day when they were younger! Us. Me AND you."
"I know!" he blurted. He kept his eyes on hers a moment, before looking away. He exhaled as he gripped the back of his dining chair, his eyes firmly on the cauldron. "I know. And I don't… regret that. Ye know I don't. But they still have to go out 'n be ogres, learn how to fend fer themselves–"
"So 'fending for themselves' means random, stupid acts of vandalism?"
"The world already hates 'em, so why not? So long as no one's–"
"The world you grew up in isn't the one they're growing up in, it's much more–"
"IS it? The article called 'em beasts. The world also won't kiss their asses like they haveto in Far Far Away, Fiona! 'N then deride 'em the second they turn their back!"
Fiona was silent, having paced herself back to the opposite end of the table from her husband. She stared into him hard, until she had to look away.
Shrek sighed, desperate to reach a truce but still agitated at his wife's needless concerns. "And why're ye suddenly so worried about it gettin' to Far Far Away? Of all the malarkey they've gotten up to as teenagers–"
"I just don't want a headache for Mom, or Artie! A news story to squash, awkward questions," Fiona listed. "And I regret that! The level the kids are tied to the kingdom. I'd do a lot of things differently if we could–"
"Oh NOW ye regret paradin' 'em around–" Shrek roughly wiped his face as he scoffed in exasperation. "Well guess what, Princess, we don't have to imagine goin' back in time - we're gettin' a brand-new chance at it comin' right up!" His sharp words didn't convey genuine anticipation.
"Well how about we keep THIS one hidden away FOREVER," Fiona snapped, gesturing quickly to her middle, "and raised like a REAL ogre, more to YOUR standards."
"We shouldn't BE raisin' another one in the first place!"
"YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT?!" Fiona's open palm slammed the table, her other hand clasped over her mouth.
Shrek exhaled all of his steam, stepping away from the stalemate at the table. He leant over the sink basin and stared out the window for a long moment before speaking. "You were the one who said it was destiny, and that ye wanted t' go fer it."
"I know. I know I was." Fiona held the two posts of the dining chair she stood behind. "That was before it all really… sunk in."
Shrek's eyes glanced aside toward the direction her voice came from, but his head still faced the window. He couldn't suppress a defiant snort. "Oh. Nice. Good t'know an adult life free of more kids was actually an option." His eyes returned forward, intently watching the tall grass swaying.
"Hey." Fiona's voice was pointed, but not angry. "You only brought it up once."
Shrek turned his body to face her, a hand still on the basin's edge. "Would ye've actually heard me out had I pushed it?"
"Yes."
Shrek scoffed.
"Well– maybe!"
He looked at her, unconvinced. "And… it's too late now, I'm assumin'."
She looked at him a fraction of a second before replying. "Well… yeah. It is."
Shrek nodded, his eyes drawn to the place settings in front of his and Fiona's seats. "So… what're ye sayin'? Ye wish I'da convinced ye harder?"
"No, I–" Fiona began, before stopping, releasing her held breath. She folded her arms across her, holding her elbows. "I just… don't feel how I thoughtI would about another baby. How I just assumed I would feel. And now that I don't, I feel so… guilty. If this was maybe ten, fifteen years ago… I'd feel different."
She looked across the room at her husband. He looked back at her, an eyebrow slightly cocked, clearly not endorsing her statement. They both let their gazes fall away from the other's, and fell into silence.
Fiona exhaled a self-aware snort, her gaze still fixed on the cauldron beside the table. "I know you don't exactly agree. And that's okay. This is just, you know…" She trailed off.
"A lot." Shrek finished her thought after a beat. Their eyes met again, and they both let out a short exhale.
"Yeah. A lot." Fiona pinched the bridge of her nose and smirked in spite of herself. Shrek watched her from the sink basin, the urge to smile not quite striking him.
Fiona moved toward the cauldron, picking up her plate from the table along the way. "Do you remember, years ago, how I wanted four children? How that was my dream?" She picked up the ladle from the great pot and gave herself a heaping helping.
"Aye."
"I couldn't tell you the last time that thought crossed my mind. It just, kind of… wasn't important after awhile. I had everything that I needed right in front of me. And that was true - is true, is still true." She looked back at him, before settling in her seat.
"I know it is." Shrek finally moved away from the basin, shuffling toward the table to grab his own dish from his place setting.
"Now," Fiona swallowed before continuing, "that may have had at least a little to do with how insane it was raising those three."
"Oh yah. No one'd argue with that." His flat expression gave way to a small smile, despite himself, as he let the ladle clink against the cast iron cauldron, taking his seat beside her.
"Imagine: those three just out of diapers, and a new baby."
Shrek paused, his fork halfway to his face. "…Aye."
"Right. So… in an odd way, if this hadto happen, it's happening at the most convenient time it could."
"Dunno if I'd use the word 'convenient,' Fi…" He let out an amused snort, and met her eye.
Fiona tried to keep a stern look on her face, but couldn't. "Fine. Touché. Also… we weren't ready whatsoever the last time it happened. At least now, we're… not any less prepared than we were."
"Yer not wrong," Shrek chuckled gently. He let the silence linger a moment as he thought. "I hafta admit," he finally sighed, "ye've got quite a way with words. I think… ye may've convinced me."
"I think I may have successfully convinced myself, too." Fiona turned over her food with her utensil a moment, a self-aware grin on her face as she looked down. "It's not exactly what I thought the future would look like, but you and I aren't exactly strangers to altering expectations."
"S'what we do best." Shrek exhaled with a small smile as he considered his wife's words. As a younger ogre, before the kids or Fiona or even Donkey came into his life, Shrek hadn't given much thought at all to his future. He was far more concerned with the here and now, what the next day held for him. Whatever happened would happen, was his general philosophy, not that he ever thought of it in such concrete terms. Sometimes, even now, he'd catch a glimpse of himself in Fiona's vanity mirror, suddenly reminded that time had indeed been passing. So even now, now that he'd had more a wild and unreal future than his younger self could have ever imagined, the thought about the future that was still to come was still just as vague as it was all those years ago. Whatever destiny had in store for him, as his wife liked to refer to, he was up for, as long as it included her. He had to be up for it.
"We're really doing this again, huh?" Fiona's tone was more a statement than a question as she lifted her head to look at her husband, the smile still there.
Shrek returned her glance, and expression. "Looks t'be the case." He leaned in to kiss his wife, which she reciprocated. "And hey," Shrek added as he parted, "the kids'll be fine. Yah? Heh… knowin' those three, they probably broke out before the paper went to print!"
She searched his eyes half a moment, before her last remaining hesitance dissipated. "You're right. I don't know why I'm worried about them - they learned from the best, after all." She placed a hand on his face and thumbed over the stubble at the corner of his mouth, where a couple whiskers had gone gray.
"That they did! They learned a thing 'r two from me, too."
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
We've got a chapter checking back in on the parents! Let's see how they're–
Oh. Uh. Wow. Adult problems!
Big thanks as always to hanny spoon.
Thanks for reading! Leave a review if you like. :)
