Is there really any way to make a AN that properly expresses how sorry I am for leaving this story behind for so long? Or that even properly expresses how honored and thankful I am to the people who kept reviewing and kept follow and favoriting even though I was absent for so long? No. I don't think there is.
All I can really say is that you guys are the reason that I'm coming back to Tori and Fili. Thank you for yanking me back and putting me in my place with your lovely reviews and just your overall support. I am so thankful for each one of you.
Chapter Nine: Confirmations and Confessions
"He likes flowers, you know." I blinked over at Kili from my spot just at the edge of the treeline. The forest around the hutch that we had decided to settle in for the night was dense and tangled. Even though the sun was just setting, the canopy of leaves made the forest beyond seem like a different time zone entirely.
Nori and I had traveled through areas like this one before - usually with the odd stream or cave system hidden just beyond the common sight. That was usually the cause of the darkness - that dip in the earth that made for more shade. Still… with the departure of Gandalf after a particularly heated conversation between Thorin and himself and the growing dusk… It was safe to say that I wasn't entirely overjoyed to have pulled the first watch along with Fili and Kili.
The ladder of which was currently looking at me with a sort of conspiratorial warmth. His brown eyes, reminding me of a dog who had just seen you pick up a stick, almost glowed in the dusk-light, deep and chocolate. "Thorin," he continued, catching my blank stare.
I didn't know how to reply. Currently, my king would, I was sure, rather push me off of the nearest cliff than accept a bouquet of flowers from me. And if I were being honest with myself my loyalty could only lead me so far and if I was forced to get him anything it would be an evening out of my presence. A win-win.
Kili's smile was almost blindingly hopeful though. I winced. "Um...that's a good character trait?" I floundered. He was looking at me like he wanted me to say more. "Very… romantic... of him?"
A sharp snap drew my attention to where the horses were corralled in, munching happily on some oats as they tugged absently at where their leads were tied off to the trees. Fili stepped around a tree, his eyes sparkling with his usual mirth as he made his way nimbly toward us. When had he gotten so light of foot? The dwarf I remembered trampled over flowers, stepping clumsily into rocky areas with a crass temperament that led to the clatter of half the boulders coming down after him.
"You know, if you guys had babies they would have really cute strawberry blonde hair - have you thought about that?" I whipped around, embarrassment making my throat close up and my face go hot enough to burn. Smiling impishly, Kili gave a cheeky shrug.
Deep within the forest, one of the horses gave a short nay, drawing Fili's attention for a moment long enough that I was able to yank Kili behind a nearby tree. "You - you can't say things like that."
He blinked, frowning. "Why?"
Because Thorin would rip out my insides and use them as a new set of reigns for his horse? A dribble of sweat rolled down my spine. Valar, this conversation was making me sweat.
"Because - because Fili and I - that - what you just said - is so far removed from reality that it's - it's-" My head spun, a croaked laugh forcing it's way out as Kili continued to smile up at me, seeming to relish in my discomfort. "It's not going to happen. Ever. Never ever."
Kili looked unfazed. "You happened," he said matter-of-factly, nodding at me like I was the prime example of unbelievable things. "And everyone said that an elf and a dwarf getting-" His smile turned evil as my face scrunched up in what I assumed to be a mixture of revulsion and embarrassment. "Intimate was impossible. I'm sure you and Fili could overcome whatever is stopping the two of you."
"Kili! Tori!" Fili's voice so close made me jump. I couldn't even imagine what his input into this conversation would be. Obviously, the two brothers were completely daft so I could only imagine.
Kili smirked, thumping me on the shoulder hard enough to send me stumbling into the tree we were hiding behind. "That's our cue," he said merrily, turning to leave. He paused, changed his mind and turned back to me. "If any of that wasn't clear, I'm completely on board with you and my brother-" There was that evil little smile again. "Getting intimate." And with a wink, he was slipping away from our hiding place, giving a hoot to his brother.
"What were you doing behind there?" I heard Fili questioned as I tried to draw my reeling mind back to sanity. What kind of conversation did I just have? It felt almost like my mind was floating above my body, tethered by a thin, whisp of a string. I couldn't have just had that discussion. I had to have been dreaming.
Shaking my head, I moved free from the shadow of the tree to where Fili and Kili were talking quietly to each other. Fili's striking gaze immediately flicked up to mine.
That stupid smirk was still on Kili's face. "We thought we saw something moving around so we went over to see. It was nothing."
"Hm." Fili didn't look even slightly convinced. The look on his face was more than just unconvinced. It bordered on agitation, his eyes flicking between in the two of us like he was trying to solve a problem them he didn't particularly want to.
"Tori!" I blinked, turning at the sound of someone particularly heavy-footed clattering their way through the brush. Dwarves weren' particularly known for our lightness of foot. Stealth wasn't something that we prided ourselves on in the least. In fact, it was are inclination towards heaviness that made us deadly fighters. Our defenses were hard to get through, our swings powerful enough to chop through tendons and sometimes bones.
My brother's sharp mass of auburn hair bobbed through a particularly dense area of brush before he burst through, Nori's dark gaze running over the three of us quickly. "Dori's asking for your help with the dinner."
I blinked. Dori never asked me for help in the kitchen. In fact, on more than one occasion he had asked me specifically to not help him. "Um…"
For a moment, neither of us said anything, both Nori and I playing a silent tug of war without eyes only. My mouth thinned. "He asked you to help didn't he?"
Fili and Kili stared openly at us, their expressions similar to prisoners that were being forced to watch their executioners play a game of dice.
His lips tugged down into a frown. "Yes. And as your older brother, I am delegating the task to you." He gave me a charming smile. "I love you?"
My eyes narrowed. He always did this to me. Always. I crossed my arms, not moving as he gave me an encouraging nod towards the camp. "That might have worked when I was a baby."
"You're still a baby," he answered immediately. I kept my mouth shut. He would crack in 1… 2… "Fine. I'll sharpen your axes for a week."
"Wow. Weird. Remember the last time that you cooked dinner with Dori? If I remember correctly, he shoved your hand into the fireplace after-"
"A month!" he exclaimed, his face paling at the mention. I pursed my lips. "AND I'll get you a new coat-"
"Outfit," I bargained, grinning. I gave a small pout as Kili whistled, Fili laughing softly. "Mine got all dirty and ripped from that troll cave we raided last month."
"You little brat," Nori grumbled in Khuzdul but he was smiling. "Fine. A whole new outfit. Just hurry up or else, he'll come looking for me and then the whole bargains' off."
I wagged a finger at him, stepping lightly over a dense splay of roots. "Don't forget."
"You wouldn't let me with your big mouth," he muttered, swatting at me as I went to yank at his braids. Fili's eyes followed me as I picked my way through the brushes. Nori stayed behind, turning his attention to the two brothers with a keenness that made me pick up my step. The "The stew's almost done. I'll have the hobbit bring you two down some bowls."
"I think Fili would much prefer T-" I heard Kili start as I ducked beneath a low hanging branch before it was cut off by a thump and a loud hacking sound.
"Oh Valar." Nori's voice was growing distant, the night and trees swaddling it. "Now you listen here-"
The camp was only a short walk from where we had set the ponies up to graze, settled snuggly against the last solid path that we had forced our mounts up. From where we had stopped the path became less clear and more of an uphill battle, with the rocky face of a mountain just a mile or so beyond. Personally, I dreaded the prospect, the feeling of teetering along on top of an unsteady pony a daunting one.
As I broke free from the treeline, I caught sight of the flickering campfire that had been built beneath the nearly collapsing eaves of a house. The whole place gave me an unsettling tingle at my nape, a squeeze in my stomach. The feeling only seemed to intensify when Gandalf had taken one look at the shack and left after exchanging a few heated words with Thorin.
"Ah, Tori my darling," Dori called happily as he took the kettle off of the fire and poured a few cups. Bofur sat just beside him, pouring rosemary and salt into the pot as they were dumped beside him by the other dwarves. It seemed that everyone had been assigned their tasks and only my brother had shirked his. I rolled my eyes. Typical. "Where's Nori? I sent him off to find some herbs and he hasn't returned yet."
I resisted the urge to gasp out in outrage, biting down on my initial instinct in a grim smile. The little rodent had lied to me! I should have guessed. The lazy sod hated finding herbs, said it hurt his back to be crouching and searching around in the mud.
Dori paused as he went to rifle through his pack for a space tea bag, his eyes glinting in the firelight. I could out him right now… But I wanted that outfit. And my axes did need to be sharpened. After that scuffle in the Waste with all those humans, they had looked a little dim.
I smiled brightly. "He - um - he sent me. To give them to you… Because he had to talk to Fili about something."
A horrible lie. Uncertainty gnawed at my insides as Dori's eyes narrowed, running over me with the kind of expertise that only a brother who had to act as a father would ever have. "Then where are they?"
I blinked. "What?"
His mouth curved down as Bofur gave a snort by the fire, very clearly not fooled by my feeble lie. "The herbs, Tori. The herbs that he gave to you because he had to talk to Fili about… something."
I winced. "Oh." I winced again, miming surprise as I brought up my empty hands to the firelight. "Would you look at that. Silly me." I forced a laugh, the sound coming out harsh and piercing.
For a moment, the only sound was the fire crackling as Dori pinched the bridge of his nose, looking like he was trying to find a single ounce of calm in the middle of a storm. Finally, he opened his eyes. "Okay, listen, I don't rightly care who gets me herbs as long as I have them in 30 seconds."
I gulped, thoroughly hating Nori. "30 seconds isn't much time," I whittled.
He clicked out his pocket watch with an effectiveness that made me jump. "27… 26…"
Yelping, I scrambled through the fallen rubble of the house, darting quickly around the back and towards the deepest part of brush that I could see. There was no way that I was going to be able to find anything in that amount of time. But I would rather take the risk of being late than the certainty that Dor would have thrown that kettle at my head in less than that amount of time if I didn't leave.
I scuttled up a cropping of rocks, making towards where I saw a hint of red. If I could find a raspberry plant then I could forage the leaves for our stew. In summer, it was the easiest and most discernable herb around.
"-Can't ostracize the girl for no reason, Thorin!" I stopped, my heart slamming into my throat as I crouched on the rock. Just a few paces away, out of sight, I could hear agitated pacing, gravel being pushed around and the swish of heavy leathers. Why did I stop? I willed myself to move, to keep going, quietly and quickly towards the raspberry plant.
"Who are her parents?" I flinched, my shoulder pressing into the cool expanse of the rocks that surrounded me, hiding me. Thorin and Balin, I thought, a feeling of insecurity and fear making me stayed rooted to where I was. They were most certainly talking about me.
"What does her lineage matter?" Balin hissed and I could almost see him raising himself up to his full sight. Was he - I blinked, taken aback - was he defending me? "We've had her since she was a babe-"
A scoff broke off those words, derisive and sharp enough that I felt the familiar burn of embarrassment rolling over me. "As I remember, Nori and her went off on a grand adventure not so long ago."
I… My heart sank, the all too familiar feeling of shame crashing down on me. Uncomfortable awareness made my insides crawl, the stone against my side feeling chilling and foreign. I hadn't thought about whether it would look suspicious if I left or not. The dwarves had always been so closed towards me… I had just assumed that it would have been better if I had left.
A scornful laugh cut through the air. "So now you distrust Nori as well?"
Stillness filled the air. "I - you know that's not what I meant."
There was a long pregnant silence that followed, each seemingly holding back a barrage of words that they wanted to say but couldn't.
"You know why I don't trust elves," Thorin finally said, his voice raw with old pain. I gulped, my stomach turning as I remembered as well. In a way, the history of the elves and my people were carried with me like a cloak that had been sewn into my skin.
I shut my eyes, trying to force away all the images that I had created. After so many times that it was told to me, it had become harder and harder to discern what I had made up in my own mind and the actual truth. Was that what history was in general? A mixture of the fictions that are created from generation to generation along with the undeniable truths?
In some ways, I hated them too. I hated the elves because they had sewn the hatred and distrust that I had grown in.
"I know why you don't trust elves," Balin whispered and I flinched against the confirmation. "But Tori is the farthest thing from the elves that you have grown to hate."
It was like a slap and a breath of fresh air all at once. I waited, gasping, still curled in the alcove that I had slipped into in the rocks. Tears pricked my eyes, hot and unforgiving. How could something so small means so much to me?
As always, please follow and favorite. And if you really love me and want me to know that I haven't completely lost all of you, then drop a review by. It would make my night. XOXO -Mylovelylions
