Chapter 18: Into the Wild

"Give me back my mittens," I hissed venomously, yanking at the article of clothing.

Ori's lip pulled out petulantly, his eyes narrowing on me as he yanked them right back. "I made them."

"As a gift to me," I snapped, slamming my foot into his shin with enough force to make him whimper before he cut it off.

His eyes flashed a deadly black. "Well, now I'm taking that gift back. You can thank me later for the time that you had with them."

Then his foot connected with enough force to make my hands drop completely from our struggle, pain lancing up my leg to light at the crown of my head like a firecracker going off. I let out a howl, only cutting it off when Dori finally whirled around, his nose already an alarming red from the sharp, mountain air.

"If I hear you two squabble anymore over those blasted mittens-" He yanked them out of Ori's hand, my youngest brother giving an appalled gasp as our Dori tucked them into his satchel. "No more mittens. Your mitten privileges have been revoked."

"HA!" Nori crowed, sounding like a tone-deaf bird of prey seeing a meal.

Ori's mouth gaped, his expression somewhere between horror and betrayal. "You can't-"

"I can," Dori huffed, straightening his belt and puffing out his chest. "And I will."

And with that, he turned right around and continued on after the rest of the party as we made our way away from Rivendell and into the wild beyond.

Ori's eyes immediately snapped back to me, his face mutinous "This is all your fault. Making so much noise-"

I sniffed, fully aware that this meant that now neither of us would have warm hands this entire blasted journey. My nose turned up as I tried to get enough height on him to simultaneously look down on him while also being one step below him on the pathway that curved upward along the side of the mountain that we were currently trying to escape by. "Better him than you."

"I don't think I've ever seen a more intense fight over mittens in my entire life." I turned, trying to look as unfazed by the theft of my favorite gloves by the brother who had cared enough to make them for me as possible. Kili's dark brows were pressed up, his face lined with laughter, his brown eyes twinkling as he stared down at me.

"It was a miscarriage of justice, is what it was," Ori wallowed, tugging up his pack in a huff and turning to catch up with the others, his shoulders slightly slumped in dejection. He disappeared around the curve of the mountain, the others already a decent ways ahead of us.

I rolled my eyes, turning so that I could see around Kili's shoulders. The path that we had used to sneak out of Rivendell wasn't a secret although Gandalf had insisted that it was rarely used since the way was carved from the mountain itself, steep and slanted in a way that could slip a clumsy elf right into the valleys below. Moss and other mountainous foliage had started to eat away at the surrounding surfaces, crooked trees trying desperately to keep their death grip on the steep sides. In the distance, the light seemed to cradle the graceful spires of Rivendell, waterfalls fall at odd intervals all along the surrounding mountain face.

"He won't be long," Kili murmured, a smile softening the mischievous curves of his face. The twinkle in his eyes gentled, softening his eyes to a deep chocolate. His hair was unruly in the harsh mountain winds. It was strange how little Fili and Kili looked to each other. Kili was a few inches taller, dark of hair and eye while Fili was all sunflower strands and cloudless skies. While Fili looked to be able to take down full-grown wargs with a good tackle, Kili seemed to be able to outrun even the swiftest dangers. And yet I could see their blood ties by simply meeting their eyes. They held the same innate kindness, the same bubbling laughter.

"I was looking back at Rivendell," I said automatically, keeping my voice flat.

Kili's brows rose. "The place that you hate?"

"I never said I hated it."

His brows nearly disappeared into his hairline. "Really? So it wasn't you who kicked one of the statues on our way out and then had to catch it before it fell? And then you started to struggle with it so all of your brothers had to hurry over and help you set it back before it crushed you? That wasn't you?"

I blinked, debating. "I don't see what that has to do with my affection for the elf home."

He looked thoroughly unimpressed. "So you kicked one of their most prized statues-"

"Don't be dramatic."

"Because you enjoyed your stay at Rivendell?" He finished the sentence with a patient head tilt.

There was a myriad of reasons that I should have liked Rivendell - all of them having nothing to do with my own personal feelings and everything to do with a setlist of moments that were subjectively good. The elves hadn't been particularly horrible to me past my welcome. But how much could you truly base a whole location on a few good moments?

The sorry truth is that sometimes you just don't like someone or something and you will have a few good reasons for your feelings that have nothing to do with them and everything to do with you .

"I left a few coins behind," I finally grumbled and Kili's low laugh followed the statement. I hadn't actually thought that I had kicked the blasted thing so hard.

"He'll be along shortly," he repeated once more, his smile a secretive curve of a thing.

I stared up at him for a moment longer, unsure if I should give him this victory. Admitting it - I was new at this. And unsure of the rules. I didn't… how do you go about… The truth was that I didn't want to bring other people into a relationship that - that meant so much to me. One that I was starting to want to put more of myself into. The thought of making my potential humiliation so public was terrifying.

"I -" I searched for something to say. But there was nothing - nothing that I could say or wanted to say other than- I met Kili's gaze, the cold air feeling strangely warm against my chilled skin. "I like him." I blushed. "Fili. I - I want-"

"Tori!" Heat seared across my face, scolding me as seafoam eyes trapped mine, the furs lining Fili's collar ruffling in the high winds. My heart constricted to the point of pain, the bare words that were about to spill from me nearly choking me as I swallowed them. His eyes ticked from me to his brother swiftly, the light dimming to a wary azure.

My attention snapped back to Kili as he leaned down, a mischievous smile lighting the beige of his eyes to an amber hue like a crystal struck through with sudden light. "I already knew about that bit before our journey even started. He used to watch all of your sparring matches when we were younger." My breath whooshed from me, something dangerously close to wonder making my insides feel like glass slowly being inflated, hot from a scorching fire. I searched his eyes, trying to find the lie. He winked down at me, brushing past with a quick pat to my head. "Good luck, agnâtnana ."

I felt too dazed to even fully register the term, Fili's face drawn as he made his way agilely up the mountain ridge, his hair a wild mess of gold and ivory, twining together like silk caught in the wind. I felt struck silly, the whole conversation leaving me oddly disoriented, a piece of cloth filled with too much, the material drawn taut.

"What was Kili talking to you about?" He drew to a stop a breath away from me, his eyes ticking to where his brother had disappeared, his mouth tight. Slowly, those eyes dragged back to me, taking in my dazed expression. "Tori - Tori, if he upset you-"

"Did you used to watch me?" I blurted out, hoping that the redness burning across my nose and cheeks could be summed up to the harsh mountain air. He blinked down at me, his eyes flashing a startling blue. "When - when we were younger - you used to watch my sparring matches?"

He had liked me before. My heart leaped, rolling around itself like a dog trying to catch its own tail. I saw a dusting of scarlet tint his eyes, his lips pressing together slightly before he was nodding. "I never knew why I wanted to -" He stopped, gulping and I swallowed along with him. He was so close now, his hair and mine tangling in the wildness of the wind. HIs breath meshed with my own. "I didn't know why but I wanted to see you. I wanted to see you in those moments - right after you had won. You always looked so happy and I wanted you to look like that with-"

I couldn't take it. I didn't know why his words dragged me down, chaining me to him but in that moment I felt like our every breath would be shared, our bodies entwined in a way that spanned back so many years and forward forever. He felt like my forever.

My fingers curled through his hair, tangling in his braids, the beads there cold little pricks against my palms as I dragged him down. His chest dragged along mine, his gasp harsh against my lips as I stopped, unsure even as I vibrated with a need to feel him against me. "Can I - I just want to-"

His lips crash against mine, hands gripping onto my waist and dragging me into him with enough force to jerk whatever breath was left away. I've never felt this close to someone. Like we're alone in a room with no doors or windows, our bodies pressed so tightly together that I can feel the roll of his muscles beneath all the layers of clothes as he shifts us, slamming me back against the rock-face. His thumb drags my chin down and I whimper as his tongue drags along mine.

Growling, looking half-pained, half-starved, he jerks away leaving me panting, head spinning. His eyes are a startling shade of blue - a gem slowly being eaten away by silver. I shivered as it dragged down my face, his breath hot against my lips, his thumb dragging along my swollen bottom lip.

His voice deepened, roughening as I blushed turned my face into his palm, trying to keep my lips on his fingers. " Albathul ." I stilled, blinking up at him as his face darkened, looking down at me in a way that made me feel… sheltered. Oddly safe. His nose nudged mine, the scrape of his beard along my cheek making me shiver. " Men zana'giri tada a'khuf targ ni o'zig jalai'rês hifsul ."

I would do terrible things to keep your eyes on me. Looking into his eyes, I believed him. I believed him because in that moment, with my face pressed to his open palm, his lips warm against my cheek, I thought I would do the same. For him, for the devotion that he had given me, I thought that I would offer him anything.

How terrifying love was.

"Ori!" He didn't break away from me, his body cocooning me, forehead pressed to my temple as if he was trying to memorize this moment. Thorin's voice boomed out just ahead, fading a bit more as the rest of the group continued on. My fingers tightened of their own mind like my body wanted to keep his body pressed to mine. "Master hobbit! Move to the middle of the group! I want - where's Fili?"

His eyes locked with mine. "Just a bit back to keep an eye on anything that might be following," I heard Kili call back, voice suspiciously merry.

"We need to get back," he whispered, the words forming against my cheek as he moved to press a lingering kiss there. And then another along my temple. And another at the tip of my nose. He didn't move away and I couldn't force myself to either.

"I don't want to," I whispered back, blushing at the vulnerability in my voice. Suddenly, I missed the quiet of Rivendell. Missed that there we would be able to find moments with only each other. Going forward, it would be all open road.

His lips pressed softly to mine, fingers smoothing from my jaw to the curve of my pointed ear. "I know." With a sigh, he pulled back, his face darkening for a moment with open hunger as he ran a thumb along my swollen lips. "When we get to Erebor, we'll have more time."

Erebor was a very long way away. And - my stomach twisted - thinking of all the danger we had already faced. My fingers loosened, untangling from the tresses of his hair, toying with the heavy iron beads carved with dwarven runes. In our culture, beads were given as gifts only to immediate family - iron crafted to give luck or safety or as a reminder of a memory. Or courtship.

"Does this-" I fumbled, thinking back to our first kiss. He had said - but - I muddled through a series of mental arguments, flushing. "Are we-"

"Your hair would look good in a braid," he murmured and I blinked up at him, unsure. His eyes darkened to a stormy blue, dragging a hand through my curls. "Let me braid it when we set up for the night."

My breath stopped, wonder making me light-headed. Braiding was a sign of - I stuttered out a few incoherent syllables before snapping my mouth shut. He was trying to court me. Officially. Heat scolded my body, setting me on fire.

"Y-y-yes," I squeaked out, trying to look anywhere but at him. The mountains around us wavered, growing unfocused as I stared at them. He was -

"Take these," he said, gently moving away from me a step to dig through his packs. He pulled out a pair of mittens a startling variety of blues. It was something that Dori would have made for us, the colors so clearly flamboyant that it created a clear sign of ownership. I gulped. Everyone would know who they had been. He pressed them into my hands, his smile a small, mischievous thing, his eyes glittering. "You look cold."

I swallowed, staring down at the thick gloves before sliding them on slowly. This - this all looked like courtship. Gifts - a constant stream of handmade iron and small trinkets - were a ritual of courtships. Along with - I gulped again, mouth suddenly dry - daring a glance up at Fili. Only people in an intimate relationship were allowed to braid each others' hair. "You know - you have to know what I think this mea-"

His eyes cut into me. "That I want you." Shivers danced up my spine as a hand came up to cup my face. "I want to court you, Tori."

"I-" I couldn't think. All of the wishful, fanciful, beautiful things I had dreamed of when we were little came rushing back with a clarity that struck me dumb. "I-"

A distant shout brought both of us crashing back to the present, the intensity in Fili's eyes sharpening as he glanced toward the bend in the mountain ledge. His hand fell away from my face.

"Think about it, Tori," he breathed, taking a step back. His hand pressed into the small of my back, nudging me forward. Silence pressed into us and after a brief pass a small smile ticked up his lips. "We need to get back to them."

I startled, realize that I had been standing with my fingers clenched around his mittens while staring blankly up at him. Right. Yes. The quest. I gulped, nodding, taking off at a quick trot over the tiny pathway that curved along the mountain's edge.

They weren't far ahead and we caught up with them in no time, Kili's eyes darting to meet ours with a secretive wink. I blushed, avoiding him. Up ahead, I saw that Bilbo and Ori had been placed in the middle of the group, Balin at the head. He was a mapsman by trade and had made his money as a tracker before old age had brought him into a less stressful line of employment. In a way, a lot of the dwarves here were like that. Many had taken up common jobs after being pushed from the Lonely Mountains. In a way, the Battle of Azinulbizar had forced them to reevaluate their earlier days, the carnage of that war forcing some deeper into their own solitude.

"Fili!" Thorin's voice boomed, clapping across the space like a force of nature. His eyes narrowed on me for a moment before he forced his gaze to just behind me. It felt - eyes like his always felt like he knew all of the secrets that we didn't want to tell. I felt the blood drain from my face as his lips thinned, his eyes narrowing. I couldn't breathe for a moment as I felt the silent debate wage inside of him, my insides twisting painfully. Did he know? Finally, his eyes ticked to Fili. "You'll take the first shift at the back first with Kili. Then Tori and Nori. Keep up." His eyes flashed as they settled on me. "We don't want a pack of wargs deciding on us as a good evening meal."

Kili stopped, his face pulled into an amiable smile as he let me pass. "Interesting conversation?"

I blushed, discreetly tugging on the mittens, giving him a halfheartedly glare as I hurried to catch up with where Nori had fallen back, the order rearranging immediately.

"Kili," Fili growled from behind me and I heard both of them bickering softly ending with Kili giving a sharp hoot of glee at whatever Fili said.

I barely noticed, my head spinning. Beneath my feet, the road went on and on but my mind was still stuck back against that ridge with Fili's body pressed to mine. I stayed there as we crested the edge of the mountain and as the forest at the top became grasslands. I stayed there when the lush green of fresh grass and leaves became the wheaty yellow of plane lands, the grass brittle beneath my boots.

In front of me, I saw Nori glance back more times than was necessary, his face tight with mounting worry.

" Osjir shamrur! " Thorin's voice boomed from up ahead, breaking me from whatever spell that I had been under.

Whatever softness had left our path, leaving behind the rock and rubble of new mountains, snow frosting their tops in the distance. I glanced around at the steep dip that the path made, the road narrow and slippery from loose rock. Nori stopped just in front of me, face drawn as we waited for Fili and Kili to catch up.

Like a pack of animals, we kept out weaker fighters to the middle, cocooned within the strong lead and the stronger rear guards. The fact that Thorin had made Fili and Kili the first shift when we were in more danger of being ridden down by elves was all I really needed to know if I had ever doubted if either of them were strong. My eyes drifted to where the dwarves in question were currently approaching, their hair blowing in erratic waves around them. The winds here were harsh and by the looks of the sky, it would only get worse.

"Flip a coin?" Nori mused, his eyes running over me quickly. We were pretty evenly matched when it came to combat. And because we had spent so many years in those troll holes, we fought very similarly.

I wrinkled my nose, shaking my head. "I'll take the back. We aren't in very much danger now that we're out of elven lands."

"I would rather take a known than an unknown," he murmured.

The sound of sliding rocks drew both of our attention, the brothers coming over the hill finally. Now that we were farther away from Rivendell, Nori and I wouldn't have to stay so far behind. Usually, the back guards were expected to linger far enough behind that any attack would be dealt with before it reached the main group.

"Switching already?" Kili chirped, clapping Nori on his back as he passed. His hair looked like it had just been ran through a natural disaster, chocolate locks tangled together into a nest of hair.

In comparison, Fili looked to be relatively put together, his golden locks only a bit worse for wear, cheeks rosy from the wind. His eyes immediately fell on me, the lines of tension there softening as he drew closer.

"Tori," he breathed, his fingers smoothing back my wild mess of curls, a gentle smile curving his lips. Slowly, he moved away, going to catch up with his brother up ahead.

Nori's voice was hard, laced with steel. "We'll be talking when we find shelter."

Fili stopped, his eyes darting back to meet my brother's, face unreadable. Haltingly, he tipped his head in a blank nod, his eyes gleaming like water caught in a day's dying light. "Of course."

There was no other way to take it. I gulped, watching him leave with one final glance in my direction. My brothers knew - of course, they knew. There would be no peace now that my relationship with Fili was put out in the open. I wanted desperately to protest. How would it look for a prince to choose a half-breed to court? The question shivered through me, vile and bitter. What would Thorin do?

My eyes darted to the ebony-haired dwarf ahead, his eyes as cold and sharp as ever as he spoke quietly with Dwalin.

"Please-" I stopped, trying to find the words. Nori's head tipped to the side, his face oddly bare. I struggled to find words. "Please don't take him from me-"

That wasn't what I had meant to say. I bit down on my lip so hard that I felt the pop of my outer flesh give away to the blunt ridges of my teeth.

"Ah, Tori," Nori sighed, stepping forward to tuck an errant curl behind my ear. His eyes were gentle as I stared up at him, dangerously close to something that felt like tears. "This has always been your biggest flaw - and Mahal knows that Dori and I would have given anything to take this mistrust away from ya. Taken ya away from the dwarf scum who did this to ya." His eyes shone the color of fallen leaves tinges with gold, brow pinched in pain. "We should have left the moment ya came in crying about that name-callin'. Maybe if we had…" He face dropped, a small barely lifting his lips before he continued. "I only want what's best for ya."

Words pressed against my throat, choking me. I fought for something to say, something that would encompass the emotions warming my belly.

He patted my head roughly, turning away. "That's why Dori and I will talk with your prince tonight."


Almost didn't get this chapter out this week lol. Drop a review if you want the next chapter!

Khuzdul:

agnâtnana: sister in law

Osjir shamrur!: Switch guards