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Chapter 27: Worthy

My head was still spinning by the time Dwalin had come over, guffawing as he hoisted me up.

"I trained her," he said, his chest puffing up with pride, his eyes darting around as the other dwarves crowded me. I stumbled under so many heavy hands landing on my shoulders and back, my braids and beads slapping me in the face as more than one ruffled my hair.

"Oh, don't be such a blowhard, Dwalin." Balin grinned, his dark eyes twinkling with starlight and fire as he patted my cheek. "We all know who she spent most of her time with."

Dwalin had taken his job as my defense tutor very seriously while I had been under his charge, and I could give a lot of my defensive instincts to him alone. I knew where to place my feet because he had repeatedly kicked them out from under me when I was still too small to hold an axe. I knew how to brace for a hit because he had given me so many when I was younger, acquainting me with the sensation of slamming to the dirt only to get up before I had caught my breath.

All of my offensive abilities were purely due to my brother, though.

Instinctively, I sought out Nori, blinking back a sudden urge to cry that tightened my throat. I had held my own against Thorin Oakenshield. A burst of pride and numb shock clogged my throat. He had accepted my courtship. The night sky burning with the embers of our fresh fire blurred around me. I had made him accept my courtship. An irrational giggle burst from my throat.

"Ah, lass." Strong arms folded around me, the familiar scent of brothers surrounding me. I pressed my face into the thick white beard, clutching into my oldest brother's thick overshirt. Dori's lips pressed to my temple. "It's alright."

"I don't know why I'm crying," I blubbered, my heart cracking. It shouldn't have meant so much. It shouldn't have meant so much that Thorin accepted me as a potential mate for Fili but I couldn't help the fall of my own tears, my body shaking as I pressed farther into my brother, trying to hide my own reaction.

Ori pressed in at my side, his hands rubbing along my back as he murmured softly into my shoulder. "It's alright, Tori. It's okay."

I hoped desperately that the other dwarves had moved away. Not that that would allow me too much privacy in this open space but - but I felt a swell of embarrassment at my own emotions.

The truth was that I had never thought that he would accept me. Even if I had beat him. Even if it hadn't ended in a tie. Even if Fili and I were tied together so unmistakably.

"I don't know why I'm crying," I hiccuped, my whole body curling so far into Dori that I could feel his every breath and heartbeat through his clothes. I repeated it over and over again, dumbly.

I could feel the slight shake of Dori's lips on my temple, his cheek pressing to mine as he kept me firmly in his arms. Ori had gone silent against my side, his face shuttered, a look of infinite sadness and anger burning in his glassy eyes as he stared out at the dwarves around us. I couldn't see any of them; my brother's bodies like curtains around me, shielding me from the others. Dori pressed another kiss to my temple, his voice filled with such sadness that I sobbed even harder with the feel of it. "Oh, my poor, beautiful girl. What have we done to you?"

I flinched, embarrassed by the quiet question. It felt like too much of an admission - too bold a statement. I pulled back, choking down another sob, swiping away the tears with my arm.

The truth was that I had never thought I had a chance. Even when I was falling in love with Fili. Even when I had said I would take the challenge of Thorin first. How much did you have to hate yourself to not even have a single hope of being considered to be equal enough to court? Half of my identity was never good enough in the dwarven court. My mother had rejected my entire being upon birth, leaving me for dead. No blood family had ever wanted me. What was I? What did that make me? Dwarf or elf? Worthless in both terms. Not good enough to be just a dwarf and certainly not good enough to be an elf.

I wondered how long I had thought of myself as just that: worthless.

My chest felt ripped open, my ribs cracked, my muscles and tendons torn away so that everyone could see the brands across my insides, wrapped around every intimate part of me. Worthless. Right over my lunges: worthless. Across the curve of my stomach and gut: worthless. Wrapped around the hearty curve of my heart: worthless.

I blinked, dizzy with the knowledge that that was what I had labeled myself - for how long I wasn't sure. Dazed, I swayed, barely registering the worried stares of my companions as my brothers lead me to the very edge of the group, settling me down against a boulder. When I glanced up none of them could meet my gaze, the flames of the fire casting their faces in stark edges. They looked… I couldn't quiet place it. Shame? Pity? I didn't fully know.

Gandalf's brows were furrowed, his lips sealed around the edge of his pipe as he stared down at the limitless flames in our pit. His thoughts were troubled and deep by the stillness in his shoulders, his eyes shadowed. Beside him, Bilbo looked small and lost, his eyes wide as he stared across the space at me in anxious silence.

I felt oddly detached, my own emotional outburst taking everything away from me, including my own shame. In the morning, I would be mortified more than likely, but right now, I slumped into Ori's side, his arms wrapping around my shoulders protectively.

Thorin's face held the same stillness that it usually did like an armor that he had shrugged on - the blankness of a king unwilling to give anyone more hope than they could handle. But when my eyes traveled to meet his, there was shock there, a deep sense of horror raising his shoulders before he tore his eyes away from mine.

And then there was Nori and Fili, both of them deathly still as they stared across the cleared fighting area. Briefly, as if sensing my gaze, Fili's eyes slipped to mine, the planes of his face softening. His eyes communicated so many things to me in that moment, his hands tightening on the pummel of his swords as if he was holding himself back from striding over to me.

And there was only really one reason why he hadn't. I had never seen my brother's face so twisted with rage, his hands shaking on where he grasped the weight of his pike. I had once tried to wield it when we had been cornered in a troll den and found that it was an unbearable weight with a studded metal head that made it intolerably unbalanced.

Behind Fili, Kili's face had gone grave, his eyes locked on my brother - both of them hunched and alert like wolves locked on a nearby predator.

"Take this, Tori," Dori murmured, giving me a dark blend of tea in a dented metal cup, two tabs of sugar still dissolving which were priceless on the road as we were. His attention was firmly locked on Nori and Fili, his quicksilver gaze darting between the two as he took up a seat on my other side. "Drink it, lass, before they start."

I blinked up at him, absently gulping down a scolding mouthful. The air around us crackled with tension, only the sound of a few whispered discussions fluttering through the air along with the crackle of firewood.

"This won't be good," Ori murmured on my other side, taking my hand and gently removing my bracers when I finished chugging the rest. Even though the elves had healed my arm, Ori had kept a firm eye on my skin, poking and prodding until I inevitably snapped at him that I was fine. He tested me now, murmuring soft questions whenever I so much as twitched.

Dori hummed softly, taking out a pipe and beginning the process of packing it that was so familiar to him that he didn't even need to glance down. "He's been boiling for a while now."

As if hearing the words, Nori's voice rang out, tight as a bowstring being drawn and cold as fresh iron. "This is a trial meant to test the strength of the possible unity of my sister, Tori of Durin's line, crosser of the lands of Eraidor, adventurer and slayer of trolls and goblins alike, sister to Dori, Nori, and Ori-" My insides simmered with barely restrained gratitude as my brother's voice boomed through the clearing, his eyes fathomless and filled with hot arrogance like he was listing off his own accomplishments instead of mine. I blushed as a few of the dwarves' gaze slipped to me. I did not miss the open insult that slipped into Nori's voice as he continued. "And her chosen mate, Prince Fili of Durin's line."

Across from my brother, Fili looked anything but insulted, his eyes flashing a dazzling blue as he smiled, all humor and a little bit - I blinked. Was he gloating? His eyes leapt to meet mine, his grin turning downright sinful as his eyes dragged from where my feet were curled beneath me to the very tip of my head. Like he enjoyed that my brother had gone into detail about the things that I had done and he enjoyed that he might get his hands on me later even more. I choked out a breath as that devilish stare met mine and he winked.

Nori didn't seem as entertained by the display. "As her brother, it will be my pleasure to test his bond to her and the potential of a unity between them."

There was no preamble to this match. No hesitation in the way that my brother darted across the close space, his pike held firmly in both of his hands as he swung and nearly took both of Fili's swords with him. A gasp burst from my lips at the sheer sound of metal, the force that my brother had put behind the movement enough to set my teeth on edge.

Fili's body shifted under the blow, his dual swords raised as he took the brunt of the downward swing head-on. I could tell instantly that he regretted it, his teeth baring as he let out a sharp snarl.

My brother was the strongest of us, his years in the mines and then on the road making him a force akin to a herd of stampedeing mountain goats. He had bested me up until this very summer, when I had only been able to get through his defenses because I had abandoned taking his hits.

Nori's beads jangled as he deftly disengaged, using the momentum he gained when he spun away to send a harsh jab into Fili's side that made him roar in pain. I gulped, lurching at the sound.

"He's going too hard on him," I whispered, scrambling to my knees. To do what I hadn't the faintest idea. To stop this would mean an end to our courtship.

"He's testing him," Dori said evenly.

I shook my head, shrugging out from Ori's hold. "He's taking out his anger on him."

"If he isn't able to handle a little anger directed at him, he isn't able to be a proper mate," Dori replied, sending a puff of cloying smoke into the air.

"You're not able to stop this, Tori," Ori said softly, his eyes tracking the swift back and forth between the pair in front of us. "Not unless you want to end your courtship."

Fili gave a sharp hiss, one of his swords skidding across the stone as my brother drove his pike into the vulnerable joint at his wrist. Not one to take such a loss lying down, Fili delivered a sharp punch to the side of Nori's head before driving a knee into his side before my brother could disengage from him. I bit down on my tongue as my brother wheeze, stumbling back. The Durin family with royal blood coursing through their veins seemed to have an impressive ability to take pain and bite through it like a pack of rabid dogs. A hit to the wrist hard enough to disarm you would cause enough pain to make anyone pause for more than a second - which was the bit of time my brother would have needed to get away after getting so up close and personal to take Fili's blade. A risk that hadn't paid off.

Fili was just as deadly with one blade as two, the clean, deadly iron flashing in the firelight as Fili advanced on my brother.

"He's a quick learner," Ori observed as the pair clashed again.

The fight was brutal. A few moments later, blood dribbled from Fili's mouth, a dozen hits concealed beneath his thick leathers but that I knew would be as swollen and purple as the one on his jaw. My brother looked just as bad, blood dribbling from open wounds along his arms and thighs - each shallow enough to not cause any real damage but deep enough to get across the warning.

Occasionally, the others would call out suggestions or jeers but more often than not, there was only silence and the harsh exhales of the pair of dwarves as they circled each other. This was different than my own match with Thorin. This was filled with an undertone of loathing that I had never seen from my brother - his teeth bared every time he had to accept a hit from Fili.

My stomach turned sickly as they locked up again, their bodies shaking with the strain of a match gone on too long. And worse was the silent movement of my brother's lips as he drew close enough to Fili that no one else would hear their words. And the way Fili's eyes would always shift to me, pain and shame so apparent in their sky-blue depth. Fili would always pale, his lips tightening without saying a single word in return, the fight dragging them apart once more.

Whatever my brother was whispering to him - it wasn't pleasant.

"He won't end it," I breathed, wincing as my brother let out a grunt of pain as Fili slammed his boot into his knee, sending him down to the hard ground.

"No," Dori murmured, looking sad. "He won't."

These tests of unity didn't need to always end in victory. Sometimes - most of the time - it was all about how a partner matched up, the impression that one could make on the family. As long as the family accepted the offer, there was no reason to continue. I had initially thought that this automatically put me at a disadvantage - Fili was a prince, afterall. Who wouldn't want to accept a prince into their family?

I hadn't taken into account…

"Oof," Ori breathed, wincing as Nori went crashing to the ground. "That was a hard one."

"This has gone on for far too long," I muttered, wanting to shield my eyes as Nori swept Fili's feet from beneath him, all of the air rushing out of him on a gasp. His dagger went skittering away from him, clattering with his dual swords near the fire.

Both of them were without weapons now, Fili rolling as my brother tried to drag him into a headlock.

"You thought that ten minutes into the match," Dori pointed out.

"By the end of this, we'll be down two," Dwalin sighed across the pit, running a hand along his scalp.

Thorin and Kili had remained gravely silent the whole time, taking in the fight with a solemn sort of indifference. It was the royal way, I guessed - to see your kin smashed into stone repeatedly.

"It's been an hour-" I started.

"I PROMISE!" Every jerked at the sudden, rabid roar, Fili's face contorted on the most lethal snarl I had ever seen cross his beautiful face. Nori loomed above him, his hand cocked in the midst of delivering another punch, Fili's fist balled into the material of his shirt. Every muscle in Fili's body shook with barely restrained hostility, blood coating his teeth in a brutal cast.

They were just close enough that when Fili lowered his voice once more, I could catch bits and pieces of his words. "I prom… will keep her… I will never…her. Never."

Nori's teeth bared at the words, his hand trembling as he forced himself not to follow through with the blow. He darted closer, sneering down. "You think…good enough…for her? After ever…? You…protect…?"

Fili's eyes darted to me again, and all at once, I knew exactly what my brother had been saying to him. From the shame that darkened his eyes and the way, he looked like someone was tearing out his very organs. I had forgotten that my brothers had been there when no one in the Blue Mountains wanted me. How they had been there on the days when I hadn't even wanted to be called a dwarf, when I hadn't felt like I was even worthy of that. I had forgotten how much they loved me - how they had sat with me and held my tears like they were their own.

Fili answered without looking away from me. "No. I'm not." His eyes slipped back to Nori's. "But I'd sooner drown…than… I'll spend…of our lives…trying…for her."

For a moment, Nori didn't move, his whole body tightening with his own conflict. One moment slipped to the next, the clearing deathly quiet. Beside me, my brothers watched in silence, their faces decidedly blank.

"Nori," Dori finally called over, my older brother's eyes flicking up from Fili's to meet his. Unspoken words slipped between them, some decision being made as Nori snarled, his finger jabbing into Fili's chest before he hissed down at him:

"You better. Or else I'll…" I didn't hear the rest but I could only imagine the threat that pored from him. Nori got to his feet, stalking over to pick up his pike before raising his voice. "We accept Fili's courtship. For now."

Dori rolled his eyes, getting up and meeting my brother halfway as a cheer went through the space. Fili heaved a breath, his body wilting back into the stone as all of the fight slipped from him. Thorin and Kili slipped over to him, murmuring softly to him as they checked him over.

"That was ass," Nori grumbled, not meeting my eyes as he came over to us. Ori quickly went to work, checking that none of the cuts needed stitches.

A swell of emotion clogged my throat.

"You would know," Dori muttered, taking his pike from him.

I leapt forward, wrapping him up in a hug so fierce that he let out a groan. Tentatively, he patted at my back, seemingly unbearably put off by the public show of affection. "This is weird," he muttered into my hair.

"I love you," I blurted out, feeling the discomfort in his body as he let out another pained groan. I pulled back to glare up at him. "I can protect myself."

He rolled his eyes. "Obviously. That doesn't mean he shouldn't try." He stared down at me for a moment, his eyes running over my face slowly, his eyes softening. His fingers skimmed along my cheek gently. "I still remember when we first found you. It feels like just yesterday that you were wailing on and on."

"Babies usually do that." Even through the snark, my voice wavered, my heart feeling too big, too confined in my own chest.

"Mm," he agreed, his eyes going glassy for a moment before he shook his head and stepped to the side, staring resolutely down at our feet as he gestured stiffly to where Fili stood with his family. "Go on."

I hesitated, watching him turn away abruptly and head toward the stream. He seemed… He seemed like he needed someone right now. A hand clapped down on my shoulder before I could move to follow him.

"I'll go talk to him," Dori said, striding after our brother.

Ori gave me a wane smile, pushing me gently toward Fili. "We have this. You go on."

I watched them go, feeling a swell of emotions that were achingly bittersweet.

I felt him at my back before I saw his shadow slowly encompass my own. My mate looked like he had just gone through a beating with a bear, his jaw spidered with a fresh bruise, his lips still wet with blood. I could see by the way that he was limping and favoring his right side that my brother had concentrated his efforts rather diligently.

"Amrul," he crooned, his voice gravelly from the recent fight.

"Prince," I couldn't help the soft smile that curled my lips, his lips already tipped up in that expression that seemed to be all for me. I turned fully toward him, reaching up to run a finger over his cheek and then the bridge of his nose. "I'm glad he didn't break your nose. I rather like it the way it is."

A surprised guffaw burst from his lips, his brows rising. His hands curled into my belt, tugging me closer into the heat of his body. He loomed over me, taking up my world in more than one way. "I'm glad my uncle only left a little knot on your forehead. I thought he had split that pretty face open when you first decided to slam your head into his."

I grinned up at him. "You're awful."

He ducked down to take my lips in a quick kiss, sending a flutter of hot little butterflies into flight in my stomach. His voice dipped, slipping into the silkiness that made me want to commit all sorts of sinful things.

"Yes," he agreed, kissing me once more. "Awful enough to keep you." He pressed a kiss to my cheek, his lips warm against my skin. "Awful enough to make you love me as much as I love you." He leaned down, arms wrapping around my waist and dragging me to his chest. "Awful enough to never let you go."

I pushed the wild mass of his hair away from his brow, a goofy smile tearing my face in two as he lifted me so that our faces were level, his cornflower eyes sparkling. I brushed the hair from his brow, drifting over the beads there. I toyed with the idea of asking him what my brother had said, asking him if he was alright. But something about that moment… felt like it wasn't for me. It felt… too new, too raw to touch just yet.

"You'll sleep with me from now on," he finally said, his voice gruff. His brows furrowed with seriousness as he delivered the information to me.

My hands ran soft circles along the strong column of his throat and cheeks, my brows rising. "Are you asking me?"

He hesitated, his eyes shuddering as he took in my neutral expression. "I can't sleep when I don't know if you're safe."


My lips curled. "And sleeping beside me would make sure I was safe? How very pompous of you, Fili."

His eyes sharpened, boring into mine. "I plan on wrapping myself around you so tightly that I'll know by your heartbeat if you're so much as having a nightmare." My heart skittered at the promise in his voice. "So yes. You're safest with me, Tori."

I didn't know what to say to that.

I stared up at him dumbly as he set me back on my feet, pressing a lingering kiss to my lips before pulling back only slightly. "Kili will take you to my pack. Your brothers will sleep near us as well. Get ready while I go and clean away the blood."

My whole body caught fire at the commanding tone in his voice, his eyes blazing down at me as I stood there staring up at him like a complete buffoon. He kissed me once more, before briskly walking off, shucking away his coat as he went.


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