Psych, Mr. Monk!
Every Psych and Monk fans dream crossover now comes true in the form of a fanfiction.
What happens when a woman from Santa Barbra is murdered in San Francisco? The SFPD send in their best detective Adrien Monk and his assistant Natalie Teeger to travel south of the Golden State to investigate, where they come face to face with Santa Barbra's best investigating duo, Shawn Spencer and Burton 'Gus' Guster.
In the city of San Fransico, on a dark and foggy night, a young red-headed woman in a trench coat was making her way through a dark alley and was about to cross the road when all of a sudden… the headlights from a white van lit up, causing the woman stop in her place. Before she could even have a chance to react, the driver of that van hit his accelerator, drove at full speed and drove right into her! Killing instantly upon impact.
Afterwards, two men wearing black clothing and ski-masks jumped out from behind the van, grabbed the woman's body, threw her into the van and continued driving at full speed. Within the next several hours, the location of the murdered woman remained unknown to the San Fransico Police Department. That is until two hikers found the body wrapped up in a sheet at the bottom of a steep hill in a ditch the next morning.
Meanwhile, former homicide detective, Adrien Monk was at home cleaning his apartment for the second time that day. By the time he began dusting the pictures of his late wife Trudy, his assistant Natelie came in with his groceries. And given Mr. Monk's specific needs, all the items came in 10's, including the eggs and the change she was owed (Which was 10c). With that being so, Natelie was prepared to leave when she suddenly received a phone call from Captain Lealand Stottlemyer.
Natelie: That was the Captain. We gotta new case. Let's go.
Monk: Oh, no, no, Natelie. We can't go. We still have to put away the groceries.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, your groceries will still be here by the time we get back. Now let's go.
Monk: But, but… the groceries.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, the new case.
Monk: Natalie… the groceries.
Knowing there'd be no end to this debacle, Natelie stayed to help Monk put away his groceries and then drove over to the crime scene. Which in total took them roughly… an hour and 46 minutes.
Anyway, over at the crime scene, Captain Stottlemyer and Lt Randy Disher stood by on the edge of the steep hill, where a crane was working it's way into getting the discovered body out of the ditch. By the time they finally arrived, Monk and Natelie witnessed the body being hoisted up by the crane. However, the Victim would prove to be difficult to identify, as she was now unrecognizable.
The ME's were only able to confirm that the Victim was a Caucasian female, in her mid-20s, approximately 5'6 and her body was covered in cuts and bruises from being hit by the van. As for the rest, her face was horribly disfigured from hitting the ditch, every inch of her hair was shaved off, all her teeth were missing, her fingertips were burned and her clothes were striped away. Leaving her in the nude.
All this became an issue. Especially for Adrien Monk, as he wasn't comfortable with seeing a naked body. However, he was willing to make an acceptation because it was a murder Victim. Even though kept his eyes closed from the moment he saw the body.
Monk: Oh, god. Why? Why? Why?
Natelie: I know, I can't even imagine what happened to this poor girl either.
Monk: No, I meant why did she have to be found naked? Oh, good god. Why is she naked?
Stottlemyer: Okay, look, Monk I'm sorry the Victim is naked. Believe me, we all are. Which is why we need to find the people who did that to her. So, what do you say, Monk? Do you want to look around and see what we're missing for?
Regardless of his issues with nudity, Captain Stottlemyer knew what always triumphed over Adrien Monk's irrational phobias, was his commitment to solving a murder. And so Monk began doing what he does best; he searched around the area, looking for clues that somehow linked to the young woman's death.
He started with the area around him first instead of the body because he was hoping to save the most discomforting part for last. Using his hands to analyze the situation, he stumbled upon something shining from within a bush next to a tall tree.
It was a golden bangle bracelet with an inscription that said; 'Reporter of the year, A.B.' (Confirming her occupation and the initials of her name) and right next to it was a piece of pink fabric from some clothing. Most likely from a blouse.
Monk: This wasn't a mugging or some kind of assault. She was targeted for a reason.
Stottlemyer: Are you saying this was a professional hit?
Monk: No, these people weren't professionals. They would've known to take the bracelet and the fabric too. Someone wanted her dead and they wanted to make her disappear too. But they were also in a hurry to get rid of the body.
Randy: A hurry? Why? Why dump the body here instead of just burying it?
Monk: I don't know. But for whatever reason, they removed her hair, her teeth, her clothes and even burned her fingerprints because they didn't want us to ID her.…
Stottlemyer: What?
Monk: They striped away her very identity because they didn't know where else to bury her. They didn't know their way around here. These people weren't from San Francisco.
Lt Disher: How do you know they weren't from San Francisco?
Monk: Think about it. It was foggy last night and it got thicker after midnight. If the killers were born and raised here, then they would've known the best route to take in order to get rid of the body even with all the fog in the air.
Lt Disher: How do you know they didn't intend to bury the body right here?
Stottlemyer: Or maybe, she was supposed to be dumped someplace else, they got lost because of the fog, wasted a lot of time, so they came up here, stripped away every trace of possible DNA and then dumped the body.
Monk: Exactly. Which also means she wasn't killed very far from here. Maybe, 5 or 10 blocks away.
Lt Disher: I'll call in a team to canvas the area. See if there are any links.
Then came the part Monk truly dreaded; examining the Victim's body. It took a lot of effort, but after closely analyzing the body, Monk confirmed what he already knew. Someone wanted to make it difficult for the police to identify her. However, Monk noticed something else on the body.
Monk: She was married. There's a tan line on her left ring finger.
Lt Disher: You're right. There is. Someone must've taken the ring.
Monk: I don't think so. Notice how the color from the line is fading into her natural skin? No, I think she was married at some point but then wasn't roughly… a year and a half ago.
Stottlemyer: That's good. Anything else?
Monk: She had red hair that had been dyed. You can see a tiny bit of hair on the sheet she was wrapped in. And all these injuries look like they were associated from being hit by a large vehicle. I'm thinking, a van. There's a set of tire tracks over there. And they're too wide to be from a regular car, but so much to be from something as large as a truck or a bus. So, I'm thinking a van
Stottlemyer: Randy, look into local auto shops in area and see you if can find any van that was brought in for any unusual dents or even for some mysterious "red stains." In the meantime, we better start packing everything up and bring it back to the lab.
Soon enough, it was time to bring the body and the rest of the collected evidence back to police headquarters. Hoping they'd have better luck identifying the Victim.
Eventually, she was brought back to the lab and the police began searching for any reporter with the initials A.B., in her mid-20s, was previously married and hopefully been reported as missing within the state of California.
Luckily, they were able to find someone who matched that description. It was tricky at first because she hadn't been reported missing yet. Luckily, she was actually a famous reporter, which helped the police with their search. In addition, the ME's were able to able confirm her identification.
Her name was Amanda Blue, 26 years old, divorced a year and a half earlier and worked as a reporter for a major news agency in Santa Barbra. Once informed of the situation, the group gathered in the captain's office to discuss theories as to why Amada Blue was in San Francisco in the first place.
Natalie: Santa Barbra? What was she doing all the way out here?
Stottlemyer: Well, whatever the reason, it was worth killing for. Randy, do you have theory?
Lt Disher: What, really? You want to hear one of my theories? Wow. Okay. Okay, here's what I think… Give me a minute.
Stottlemyer: Monk?
Monk: Did she have any friends or family here?
Stottlemyer: Nope. I already contacted her family and ex-husband. She didn't know anyone in the city, nor did she have any business here. I just got off the phone with her agent. He has no idea why she was here either.
Monk: What about the van that ran her over. Did you find anything on that?
Stottlemyer: Yes. A couple of uniformed officers found it abandoned in an ally three blocks away from the body was dumped. They found the victim's blood on the dented bumper. It was a white van with a stolen license plate. We have a team looking into the traffic cams to see when it was used to kill Amanda Blue and who was driving it.
Monk: Except, you won't. If they were smart enough, they probably stole the van first, killed Amanda Blue and then abandoned it after dumping her body.
Lt Disher: Okay, so where does that leave us with the case?
Natalie: Wait, hold on. You guys said she was from Santa Barbra, right? Maybe there's something over there that could tell us what Amanda was doing here before she was killed.
Monk: That's possible. And we already know the killers didn't know where to bury her, so they must've followed her out here from Santa Barbra too.
Stottlemyer: Which means we need to head over to Santa Barbra.
Lt Disher: Yeah, except, we can't. We don't have jurisdiction down there, sir.
Stottlemyer: You're right, Randy, we don't. Luckily for us, we have a consultant who does have jurisdiction.
Monk: Uh… Sorry, what?
Stottlemyer: Monk, you and Natalie better go home and pack your bags, because you're going to Santa Barbra.
Monk: Yeah… here's the thing…
Stottlemyer: You're going to Santa Barbra, Monk.
Monk: Yes, Captain, but here's the thing…
Stottlemyer: But nothing, Monk. You're going to Santa Barbra and that's final.
Monk: Captain, I cannot go to Santa Barbra.
Stottlemyer: Why not?
Monk: Because… I can't go to Santa Barbra.
Stottlemyer: Monk, a woman was murdered in my city and then dumped in a ditch like a piece of trash. Now, are you really gonna let your own issues prevent you from finding her killers?
Monk: …No, sir. …But here's the thing… Even if I did decide to go to Santa Barbra, where would even start? I've never even been to Santa Barbra. I don't even know anybody there.
Stottlemyer: Well, don't you worry, Monk, because I just happen to know the Chief of the local Santa Barbra police department and and she just happens to owe me a favor. As soon as she's on board, you two head out first thing tomorrow morning. Randy and I will stay here and see if we can find out why Amanda Blue and her killers were here in the first place.
With his decision finalized, Captain Stottlemyer picked up the phone and called the Chief of the SBPD. However, even though this was a very promising lead in order to track down Amanda's killer, this surprise trip to Santa Barbra would unleash one of Monk's top 30 phobias; traveling.
Meanwhile, over in Santa Barbra at the local police precinct, the head Chief, Karen Vick was now on the phone with Captain Stottlemyer. Discussing the terms of letting Monk and Natalie drive over and assist with the case.
When Chief Vick first received the call from her old friend, saying he was sending in his very best consultant to work the case, she was more than intrigued to not only repay her debit to Stottlemyer, but to also see if his detective was just as bright and brilliant as her own consultants. Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster.
Speaking of, during her continued phone conversation, Shawn and Gus were standing outside the Chief's office, awaiting their most recent paycheck.
Shawn: What did I tell you, Gus? By working together, we've solved yet another case, got into an epic car chase and without any property damage.
Gus: Tell that to massive dent on my car door, Shawn.
Shawn: Buddy, I told you to go left.
Gus: No you didn't, Shawn. And it wasn't really a car chase because we only drove like three blocks until we all got caught in a traffic jam. And that dent happened because you thought it would be cool to kick your side of the door open and it hit the car right next to us.
Shawn: I remember the experience quite differently.
Gus: No you don't.
Shawn: Agree to disagree.
Gus: It's a company car, Shawn!
While Shawn and Gus were busy arguing amongst themselves, Chief Vick finally stepped out of her office and made an announcement for the entire department to hear.
Chief Vick: Attention, everyone. Attention. I have an announcement to make. Now, I don't know if any of you heard yet, but a woman from Santa Barbra was murdered in San Francisco late last night. They've identify her as Amanda Blue from the channel 23 news.
Gus: Amanda Blue?! Oh, no, not Amanda Blue. She was the greatest TV reporter in TV history.
Shawn: You say that because after every report she did, she'd wink at the screen and you always thought it was meant for you.
Gus: It was. I could always see it in her eyes.
Shawn: Dude, she didn't even know you existed.
Gus: Suck it, Shawn.
Chief Vick: Anyway…! Given the circumstances, this has now become a joint investigation between us and the San Francisco Police Department. They'll be sending in their very best consultant to help us with the investigation starting tomorrow.
The moment she said the word 'best,' Shawn and the precinct's head detective Carlton Lassiter stood in shock, because in the minds, nobody else could possibly be better a detective than they are. Wanting answers, Shawn and Lassiter (along with their respective partners Gus and Juliet O'Hara) rushed into the Chief's office right after she finished her announcement.
Shawn: Chief!
Lassie: Chief!
Shawn: Chief!
Lassie: Chief!
Shawn: Chief!
Chief Vick: Yes, gentlemen, how may I help you?
Shawn: Sorry to bother you, Chief but, uhh… couldn't help but overhear you say… San Francisco is sending in their "best consultant" to help "us" with the case.
Chief Vick: Yes, Mr. Spencer, they are. He and his assistant will be arriving tomorrow with a copy of the case file. And when they arrive, I want you all on your best behavior.
Shawn: Yeah, but do we really need another consultant on this case? I mean, why use a random guy from another city when you already have… a psychic detective right here.
Lassie: For once… I agree with Spencer.
Shawn: Wow, I never thought I'd say this but… thanks, Lassie.
Lassie: Shut up. Look, chief, we already have two loose cannons who are always here to taint our investigations. Now, do we really need to add another one and risk the good reputation of this department?
Shawn: Come on, son.
Chief Vick: Detective Lassiter, I can assure you, he came highly recommend by his captain, he's a former homicide detective and he's solved many difficult cases that were deemed unsolvable. They say he's brilliant.
Lassie: Oh, really? And who is this so called, "brilliant Detective?" who came "so highly recommended?"
Chief Vick: His name is Adrien Monk.
Lassie: Adrien Monk?
Jules: Wait, Adrien Monk? As in 'the Adrien Monk?'
Chief Vick: Yep. That Adrien Monk.
Gus: Who is Adrien Monk?
Jules: Gus, he's only like one of the greatest Detectives of all time. Every cop in the country has heard of him. The man is a legend. He's like a modern-day Sherlock Homes or even Colombo. He's supposed to be an absolute genius.
Lassie: Yeah, until he went off the rails and got discharged from the force 8 years ago. Which means, he'll fit right in with you two miscreants.
Shawn: Miscreants? Oh, come on, Lassie, you come up with a better insult than that.
Chief Vick: Need I remind you all, that this a joint investigation? Which means, we are going to be working alongside Mr. Monk and once he and his assistant arrive here tomorrow, I want everyone to be fully cooperative. Am I making myself clear?
Reluctantly, the group had no choice but to agree with the Chief. However, when they finally exited from her office, they expressed their true feelings regarding the joint investigation. Mainly Lassie.
Lassie: There is no way in hell I am working a high-profile case with a mentally ill ex-cop.
Jules: He's not mentally ill, Carton.
Lassie: O'Hara the man has a history of psychotic breaks and excessive phobias. He's afraid of germs, the dark, needles, heights, crowds, and even milk. Milk. Now, is that really the kind of man you can rely on to solve a homicide?
Shawn: I don't know, Lassie. I mean, speaking for myself, I can relate to that whole fear of needles thing.
Gus: Really, that's all you heard? What about the man's fear of milk?
Shawn: Okay, even I'll admit that does sound a little crazy.
Lassie: You see, O'Hara? Even Spencer agrees that Adrien Monk is crazy.
Jules: Carlton I'm well aware of Mr. Monk having… "Struggles" in the past but he's still proven to be the best there is. Haven't you guys ever heard of him solving that big astronaut case last year? It was all over the news and I hear they're making a movie about it.
Shawn: Sorry, Jules, I must've missed that. Probably too busy out there solving even bigger cases.
Gus: Bigger than taking down a murderous astronaut?
Shawn: Suck it, Gus.
Lassie: Look, O'Hara, I am also well aware Mr. Monk's accomplishments as a private consultant for his old department. But it still doesn't change the fact that he's a disabled nut-bag who can't even be trusted to wear a badge or carry a gun anymore. Now, what does that say about him?
Shawn: Well, I don't know about him, but your statement shows that you show a lack of trust.
Gus: Oh, come on, Lassie. You've never even met the guy and you're already assuming he's incapable of helping us with the case.
Lassie: I'm not assuming, Guster, I know. Which is why I have a special job for you two.
Gus: Which is?
Lassie: From the moment Adrien Monk arrives in Santa Barbra, I want you to keep him out of the way, so the real detectives can do their jobs. Okay? I'm sure even you two can't screw that up. Let's go, O'Hara.
With the last word spoken, Lassie and Jules walked away. As for Shawn and Gus, they stood appalled by Lassie's statement about Mr. Monk, so much so, they made a decision.
Gus: Wow. That was harsh, even by Lassie's standards.
Shawn: I agree, Gus. Which is why we should let Adrien Monk help us with the case.
Gus: How do we do that?
Shawn: Well, you heard what Lassie said. He wants us to keep him out of the way and that's exactly what we'll do.
Gus: Okay, but what about the things Lassie and Jules said about him? About his fears and "struggles…"
Shawn: Oh, come on, Gus. The chief said he came highly recommended by his old captain; Jules kept droning on and on about what a genius he is, and, best of all… if we work this case and succeed with Adrien Monk by our side, then we have the perfect opportunity to stick it to Lassie.
Gus: That does sound intriguing.
Shawn: You know it does, Buddy. Besides, so the guy has some personal issues, big whoop. How bad could they really be?
The two then gave a subtle fist bump before finally leaving the precinct (with their paycheck). In addition, it was now official; Santa Barara's best investigating duo were going to be solving a high-profile case with San Fransico's best detective as soon he arrived the next day.
The only question that remained was, could a former homicide detective with obsessive compulsive disorder and a man-child who pretends to be psychic really solve a high-profile case together without driving the other person crazy?
Let's find out.
