Chapter 13: I'm trying to crawl up and burn just right
Ladybug's entire world crumbled down around her in a way that had nothing to do with the collapsing Eiffel Tower.
She stood frozen as her partner hurtled toward the river, just a small speck of black among masses of metal waste.
He fell so slow, it was torture to watch. So fast, she'd never reach him in time. So close, she could see his hands desperately flailing. So far away, her yo-yo couldn't swing him to safety.
Her nerves fractured like ice as she watched him soundlessly hit the surface and sink under the currents.
"KITTY!" The scream tore from her throat, and her limbs broke into a sprint before her brain could even give them the command, stumbling over the scattered debris in her desperate haste to get to him.
She took a deep breath and dove into the Seine headfirst, cutting through the waves like a bullet. Her eyes frantically scanned the water, hazy with distortion and tinted orange from the fires above.
Everything was quiet down here. So calm and peaceful. Fragments of the ruined monument floated lazily around. Even Chat — with his eyes closed, and his arms languidly spread out in front of him, as if they were reaching for her — looked like he was in a tranquil slumber.
Chat.
Heart thudding against her held breath, she swam towards him like he was the provider of oxygen, battling against the heavy body of water that dared to slow her down.
Releasing a grunt in the form of bubbles instead of sound, she shoved away the twisted scrap of metal that was pushing down on him, and grabbed him around the waist with both hands, holding him securely against her. With her arms indisposed, she kicked her way towards the surface, the remaining dregs of her breath spilling out of her in another tumble of bubbles that reached the top long before she did.
Her lungs screamed as she tried to refrain from sucking in the horrid liquid. Because for all their suit's incredible powers, breathing underwater was not one of them. And the terror sweeping through her wasn't only for herself.
Ladybug broke the surface with a deep inhale, welcoming the frigid air against her damp face and within the fissures of her empty lungs. Her ears popped and the madness flooded into her senses once more: crackling fire, rumbling thunder, and strikes of lightning.
Arm still around Chat's waist, she pulled at him until his cat-ears sprung up beside her, void of motion. His limp head fell onto her shoulder, and she briefly leaned her cheek against his sodden blond hair (if only to assure herself that she had him), before casting her free arm forward and using it to slowly propel them both toward the nearest riverbank.
She spared a quick glance over her shoulder, and the frantic panic in the pits of her stomach only spun faster. The color of glowing magnum was spreading like wildfire across the river, turning soothing water into vicious lava that hissed and spat as it leered towards them.
If she didn't hurry up, drowning would be the least of their worries.
Ladybug pushed herself harder. She fought against Chat's dead weight and her own exhaustion, keeping the momentum of her kicking legs going to ensure neither of their heads slipped back under the surface. Fatigue snared through her muscles like fire, lactic acid building up until she almost felt compelled to give up and succumb to the elements.
(But even if she gave up on the whole world, she knew she'd never give up on him.)
She lunged forward with one last burst of energy and her fingers finally managed to grab onto the edge of the Seine's neighboring concrete like a grappling hook.
Straining with effort, she hoisted the upper half of herself out of the water until she could swing a leg onto solid land. Chat's body, still clamped to her side, followed directly after hers and they both collapsed onto the platform, weighed down by the water that clung to them inside and out.
The lava sloshed harmlessly against the side of the river they'd occupied only seconds ago, bubbles of red, orange and yellow simmering in rampancy.
Ladybug leaned on her elbows, coughing up the residual water in her lungs and panting against the burn in her chest. She watched water drip from her hair and pool into a puddle beneath her, the reflection of her own blue eyes staring back up at her: wild and desperate and scared.
No longer in immediate danger of death, her brain snapped back to her current dilemma, and she whipped her head around to look at Chat. He was splayed out on the ground beside her, eyes still closed and limbs still static, completely unbothered by the havoc surrounding them.
So still, she could almost convince herself he was—
"C-Chat!" She scrambled across the ground on her hands and knees until she was leaning over him, gripping his shoulders and shaking his limp form. "Wake up! Please, kitty, answer me..."
Neither her shaking nor her yelling were enough to stir him, and he remained motionless under her gaze. The swirling panic in her gut only clenched harder.
Don't you dare disappear on me, don't you dare, don't you dare—
Her trembling hand fell to his chest, checking for his heartbeat. Relief tore through her when she felt it listlessly thrumming against her palm, weak and sporadic. Barely there and fading fast, like a tumbleweed abandoned by the wind.
But barring the dying heartbeat, his chest was unnervingly still beneath her hand.
"God, please, no..." she croaked, her relief extinguishing itself fast. "Come on, Chat, don't do this." She pushed the drenched locks of hair away from his eyes and leaned forward until her cheek hovered above his parted lips.
Ladybug waited for his breath to warm her skin; waited for any indication that he was going to be fine, and she could allow the taut knot in her chest to untie itself. But as the seconds ticked by, her face remained as cool as the frost in her bones, and her own breath was wrung out of her in one shuddering exhale.
Anguish flooded through her system as the urge to scream erupted in her chest. It pounded against the base of her throat, begging to be let out. Too bad it couldn't get past the mound of grit that she was currently choking on.
This couldn't be how she lost him. Not after everything she'd done to save him. She couldn't let this happen, she'd promised she'd never give up on him—
Get it together, Marinette.
Forcing a gasp of air back into her constricted lungs, she pinched his nose shut and crashed her mouth down onto his, pushing her entire breath into his lungs instead of her own.
She felt his chest inflate beneath her hand, and hoped like hell that meant she was doing it right. She pulled back to draw in another deep breath and then blew it straight through his airway once again. And again. And again.
It almost felt cruel.
For months, she'd envisioned countless fantasies of her lips touching his. Vivid dreams of moonlight and twinkling stars, smiles and contagious laughter, eyes wide open and bright, arms wrapped around each other and breaths mingling, kisses soft and chaste; dancing with electricity.
But absolutely none of them had played out under these dire circumstances. There was never any raging fire, or a ruined and broken Paris involved. Never any tears dripping out her eyes and landing on his skin. Never an unbreathing Chat Noir lying in her arms, completely unresponsive, his eyes coated in black where sparkling green was supposed to be.
"Come on, Chat," she gasped, coming up for air once more. Her heart sped up for every beat that his slowed down. "I need you to breathe..."
Ladybug lent him her oxygen again and again, but he didn't so much as twitch. He wouldn't take over for himself, and her own breaths were becoming thinner and thinner.
She carried on, until hyperventilation finally won out and her fast-paced breathing was no longer of any use to him. She let her forehead drop down onto his chest, squeezing her eyes shut against the fresh slew of tears. She clung to his shoulders, digging the pads of her fingers into his supposedly indestructible suit.
"Please," she begged, sobs battering through her like fierce waves, "Please don't leave me..."
After what felt like an eternity, his chest suddenly seized beneath her skin. Her head shot up, a vice-like tension locking itself over her heart as she watched him.
Please, please, please...
Then his eyes flew open and he coughed out the water in his lungs, and nothing could compare to the elation of pure happiness that burst through her veins in a supernova.
"Kitty?" Her voice came out too breathless to be heard above the cacophony.
"Nngh," he replied, arm draping across his own torso to protect the injuries he'd sustained there.
"Hey, it's okay, y-you're okay..." Her hands reached up to gently cup his face, stroking her thumbs across his cheeks as he looked up at her with damp eyes. She could feel his jaw clench beneath her palms; proof that he was breathing, conscious, alive.
His mouth opened again, eyes desperate, indicating that he had something to tell her.
"Ladybug," he rasped, and she leaned in closer to hear him, "That train... would've fucking killed you."
Despite everything, a bark of laughter escaped her throat, melding with her sobs. "No doubt, huh?"
"Dead as a doorknob," he confirmed, voice slurred. His mouth twitched upwards in his own attempt at a smile before it fell, his green eyes fluttering shut.
They didn't open again.
"Chat?" The elation coursing through her veins momentarily stuttered, and she shook his shoulder. "Hey!"
But upon closer inspection, she realized he was still breathing; his chest rising and falling in a slow, steady rhythm. And that was the most important thing.
"Goddammit, kitty." She ran a hand across his hair (now crisp dry thanks to the lava's radiating heat) to smooth it down. "What do I do now?"
The city still needed saving.
Clouds continued to flounce in unnaturalistic shapes, people continued to scream, lava continued to boil, and Paris continued to burn. All of these were problems she was supposed to be dealing with.
But none of it mattered if she didn't have Chat by her side. It never had. And maybe that made her selfish.
But that didn't make it any less true.
Perhaps if she performed a miraculous Ladybug...
No. That would heal everything, and sap out all her remaining energy to boot. She'd have no stamina left to face the actual threat. And the villain could just wreak all this damage right back on Paris in the blink of an eye. All those dead people she revived would only be killed again and again, like some gruesome time-loop.
Ladybug couldn't do that to everyone. Not to mention Chat would never forgive her.
Which meant, despite the fear that consumed her, she had to face this alone.
Her spiraling thoughts were cut off when a prickle crept up the back of her neck like a sixth sense, filling her with newfound trepidation. She turned her head, slowly, as if adamant to prolong the reveal of what was behind her for as long as she could.
Her eyes eventually locked on his icy blue ones and the trepidation rammed itself into her chest, contorting and squeezing.
The villain — the one responsible for everything that had happened tonight — levitated across the burning Seine, a horde of butterflies encasing him and keeping him afloat. Bolts of lightning crackled out from behind his costume, reflections of fire bouncing off its glossy material.
Ladybug stared at him as he approached, a stampede of terror crashing through her. Not once in her entire life, supersuit or not, had she ever felt more vulnerable than she did right now.
His lips stretched into a poisonous smirk and the last of her resolve shattered.
Hoisting Chat's unconscious body up into her arms, Ladybug leapt to her feet and turned on her heel. She bolted into the fiery streets of Paris, driven by nothing but a panicked incentive to put as much distance between her and that man as possible.
Chat's limp head thudded against her shoulder with every step, his dangling arm swaying side to side from the momentum. Her feet slammed into the broken concrete one after the other as she ran through the blazing arrondissements. Hybrid masses of destruction caved in on her from all sides, smoke burning her eyes and infiltrating her lungs. Adrenaline pulsed through her limbs and blood pounded in her head, but she couldn't bring herself to stop.
She turned corners at random with no idea where she was going, zipping past desecrated thrift shops and clothing stores. Running away was a pointless endeavor. She knew that.
But she'd be damned if she didn't delay Ladybug and Chat Noir's defeat for as long as possible.
She'd be damned if she had to look her partner in the eyes and tell him that everything they'd worked for had been in vain.
The familiar screech of butterflies rang through her ears right before a flock of them descended upon her trajectory, accompanied by a thick brume of purple mist, creating a blockade.
Ladybug skidded to a halt before she could collide with them, her grip on Chat tightening. Turning to her left, she took off down a narrow alleyway, sweat clinging to her skin underneath her suit.
Her heart thudded in her chest like a mantra, chanting the same frantic statement over and over again.
I don't want to do this, I don't want to do this, I don't want to do this, I don't—
As she exited the alleyway in a flurry of flailing limbs and panting breaths, another drove of butterflies crashed across her pathway, the shockwave knocking into her, broadside. Her footing faltered but she quickly caught her balance, sprinting away once more.
The butterflies crashed down in front of her again and she stumbled backward. She turned away from them and ran. The insects blocked her exit again. And again.
Ladybug's sprinting ceased as she swiveled in a circle, trying to keep an eye on every direction at once. But there was no longer an escape route.
Everywhere she looked, raucous butterflies swarmed in hails of smoke, closing in on her from all sides until they resembled a hurricane; too thick for her to run through and too tall for her to jump out of.
She couldn't even pull out her weapon to fight back. Not without letting go of Chat. All she could do was tense up on herself, bury her face in Chat's hair, and hope it was all over soon.
But then, like a theatrical ombromanie, the butterflies parted to create a small gap. The silhouette of a figure appeared from within, and her heart seized.
The villain's shadow dripped away as he stepped through the veil of insects, walking toward her with the confidence of someone who knew they had nothing to lose and nothing to fear. He came to a stop and leaned on his scepter, expression torn somewhere between smugness and fury as he stared at her.
Ladybug tried to say something. Maybe an insult, or a threat. Anything to make her appear less pathetic than she felt. But her mouth was a dried-up wellspring, leaving nothing but dust and smoke on her tongue.
Shouting profanities at villains had always been Chat's area of expertise, after all. Not hers.
Her silence only seemed to amuse the man even more. He glanced down at the boy in her arms, no doubt eyeing the magical ring on his finger.
The ring that Chat had absolutely no way of protecting right now. She clutched him tighter to her chest, veins burning with sudden rage.
"Don't touch him!" she hissed, stepping backward, despite the towering shoal of butterflies that left her with nowhere to go. She was trapped within their perfectly sculpted cylinder whether she liked it or not.
Undeterred, the villain merely took another step forward. And she realized she was out of options.
Ignoring the way her instincts screamed in protest, she sank to her knees and let Chat's body drop to the floor as gently as she could. Then she stepped over him and took out her yo-yo, spinning it into a shield as she assumed a battle stance.
She locked eyes with the villain again, matching the iciness in his stare with her own. She wouldn't let him hurt her partner. She'd throw everything she had at this man first. And if that wasn't enough, then she'd die trying.
Releasing a roar she'd ripped from the deepest recesses of her soul, Ladybug charged at him, swinging her weapon with enough force to slice through flesh.
His scepter sprung up almost instantaneously as he moved to block her attack, the string coiling around its thin sheath. With the effort of someone reeling in an empty fishing hook, he tugged his weapon toward himself, and her tangled yo-yo followed straight after.
Still connected to the string, she was yanked clean off her feet, letting out a cry of surprise as she tumbled unceremoniously to the ground, traitorous yo-yo dropping down beside her.
Her brain changed its tune very quickly after that; her new mantra perfectly summarizing her feelings.
What the actual fuck?
Had her super-strength somehow failed her? How on earth had this megalomaniac managed to overpower her so easily? It made no sense. Akumatized villains could be strong, yes, but their power could never outweigh a true wielder. Suddenly everything she'd ever been taught about the miraculous was being pulled into question.
The miraculous...
Tremors attacking every one of her appendages, Ladybug slowly pulled herself to her knees and looked up at the man as he came closer. As his shadow fell over her, she couldn't help but feel like he was the epitome of darkness.
And suddenly, she could see it in his calculated eyes. Pure evil, void of any magical possession.
She probably should've figured it out a lot sooner.
"You're..." She swallowed, throat on fire, "You're not an akumatized victim, are you?"
The villain— no... Hawk Moth glared down at her, unimpressed and apathetic, like she was just a stain on his carpet.
"I never wanted to hurt you," he said, the glint in his eyes drastically juxtaposing his words. "You're just children. But if this is what it takes to fix everything, then so be it!"
He lunged, his scepter carving through the air in her direction. Ladybug took that moment to remember her reflexes and rolled out of the way just in time, his weapon crashing into the ground with an explosion of rubble.
Ladybug leapt back to her feet, running on nothing but fumes; on her unprecedented hatred for the man that had been derailing her life for months.
"You call this fixing everything?!" She wrinkled her nose in disgust, like the hubris that radiated off him was an actual scent she could smell.
She finally had a real person to blame for all her sleepless nights and canceled plans and failed exams. A person to loathe with her entire being, one that truly deserved every single iota of her anger.
It was clear from his expression that he couldn't care less about the hell he'd put her through. And the bitterness curdling in her gut only boiled hotter as a result.
She waited, muscles tense, but he didn't try to attack her again. And it made sense, too. Why should he exert himself when he had all the power, and she had zero trump cards?
"It doesn't have to end like this." His voice held an assuaging tone, as if she was the one who needed to be reasoned with. "If you willingly hand over your miraculous, then I have no more quarrel with you. I will leave you alone. You have my word."
Ladybug's frown deepened. She'd much rather dive back into the lava-infested Seine than believe a single thing this man said.
"I mean it," he insisted, accepting her expression as a reply. "All I want is to make a Wish and bring my wife back — give her a chance to live the life she never got."
Ladybug recoiled, shrapnel crawling through her veins. "Are you seriously trying to get me to sympathize with your fucking sob story?"
He smirked. And she doubted it was because he'd found her remark humorous.
"I know you better than you realize, Ladybug. You might've triumphed against all my akumas. But through their eyes, I've been watching you for months. I know exactly how you think, how you feel, how you work." He cocked his head, almost intrigued. "And we're not so different from each other. You of all people should surely be able to understand my reasoning for doing this."
A tidal wave of repulsion swept through her at the mere thought, bile burning her chest. "I am nothing like you!"
"If you were in my position, wouldn't you do the same thing for him?" Hawk Moth pointed at the vicinity behind her. "If you lost him, wouldn't you try to save him by any means necessary?"
Survival instincts momentarily forgotten, Ladybug turned, throat sealing shut like a vault. Her chest swelled with emotion as she stared at Chat's limp form, exactly how she'd left him: lying on the ground, oblivious to the swirling aggregation of butterflies and the presence of his arch nemesis.
Of course I would, her heart said immediately.
On the surface, it wasn't even a question. She loved him so much, that the lengths she'd go to in order to protect him were immeasurable. Because if he ever ceased to exist, then her world would stop turning. All her joy that was spinning in orbit would come crashing to the ground like a meteor shower, and she'd be left with nothing but lifeless, empty rubble.
Surely, she'd prevent that from happening at any cost, no matter how great. Surely, her love for him was worth it.
Her mind knew otherwise, though. In her time spent as Ladybug, she'd learned exactly what 'by any means necessary' truly entailed. She thought about all the pain, loss, violence, bloodshed and heartbreak that had ravaged her city.
It was the furthest thing from love she'd ever seen.
She snapped back around to face Hawk Moth, the fervent emotion falling out of her as quickly as it had come.
"You think I would abuse magic?" She gritted her teeth so hard, her jaw throbbed. "You think I'd hurt innocent people day after day? He would never want me to do that! That's why I love him. He's good. And kind. And he sees the best in everyone." Unlike her. "He's one thousand times a better person than you will ever be!"
Hawk Moth scoffed. "Then you clearly don't love him as much as I thought you did."
Her pounding heart burst open in a flurry of shattered glass and Ladybug saw red. Her yo-yo tightened in her hand, and she charged at him once more.
"No matter what excuse you use to try and justify yourself with," she spat, weapon lashing out at him again and again as he parried each attack with his own, "It doesn't make you any less of a monster!"
Through her blind rage, one of her swings completely missed its target, leaving an opening for Hawk Moth's scepter to catch her around the head. It struck her just above the ear, hard enough for the thunderous clang to ripple across her skull, her vision tilting sideways and collapsing in on itself like a sinkhole.
Ladybug fell to the ground once more, head throbbing with a force that felt strong enough to rip her bones apart. A blur of purple immediately descended upon her, and she winced as he stepped down on her wrist, pinning her to the spot. Panic cascaded through her chest as he leaned towards her.
This can't be happening.
Her free arm flailed around in search of her fallen weapon, but he simply caught hold of it in his grasp. His other hand reached for the red and black jewels that pulsed against her ears, and all Ladybug could do was cower away from him, eyes squeezed shut.
To try and bask in the pretension that this was all a terrible nightmare; that she'd wake up and remember she wasn't really the worst miraculous wielder to ever exist. She hadn't really left her city vulnerable to the threat she swore to protect it from.
She hadn't really failed her partner in every sense of the word.
"So this is the great Ladybug, beloved hero of Paris," Hawk Moth sneered, tone saturated with mockery. "You're just a scared little girl, aren't you."
He ripped off both of her earrings in quick succession, leaving her with the same feeling she'd get if someone yanked off her coat on a cold Winter day, and a blizzard of pink glitter swept across her body. From the moment she felt her connection to Tikki's comforting thrum of magic snap, Marinette knew she'd lost.
The pressure on her limbs ceased as Hawk Moth stood back up, no longer inclined to focus on anything except the glowing miraculous in his palm.
Despite the slurry of cement that pressed down on her, she stumbled to her feet and grabbed hold of his wrist, wrestling to take her earrings back from him.
Because knowing she was the only line of defense between him and Chat was enough motivation to fight until her last breath.
"TIKKI!" she screamed, hoping the tiny god could manifest into existence and help, despite knowing damn well that the poor kwami had been sucked into her jewels. "Give her back! Give her back right now, you monster—!"
If Ladybug barely stood a chance, then Marinette was a flame amidst an ocean.
In less than a second, Hawk Moth had grabbed her by the sweater and thrown her through the air.
With barely any time to gasp, she crashed through the hail of purple butterflies. Her head slammed into a brick wall on the other side, and her world blipped into oblivion.
