Chapter 16
Potions, Firebolts and Mysteries
Note from the Authors: Sorry for being a few days late, but we hope you all had a very Merry Christmas, and that you have an absolutely wonderful New Year! We hope that 2022 brings nothing but happiness to you all.
A few days before Christmas, Lily was summoned in the early morning to the Hospital Wing by Madam Pomfrey. As she walked through the empty corridors, barely paying any attention to the blinking lights and the singing of the portraits, she tried to balance the hope for good news with the expectation of bad.
The Matron smiled at Lily when she walked in. "Thank you for being so prompt, Miss Potter," she said, leading the Gryffindor into her office.
"Have you found something?" Lily asked, sitting down on the offered chair anxiously. Her face broke out in a grin when Madam Pomfrey nodded.
"It's only the first steps, but we've created a potion we call the Masculine Suppressor Potion. It'll stop your male puberty and suppress the production of testosterone. There will be some side effects including mood swings, loss of appetite, infertility, and muscle mass. We're still working on a potion to give you female hormones, but that will take time. This potion, however, will make it easier for any feminising potion we come up with," Madam Pomfrey explained.
Lily nodded, frowning as she took in the information. "Okay, so how long will I need to take the potion for?"
"Every day, with breakfast, until we can find the feminising potion. However, until we find a way to make the change permanent, you'll need to take the feminising potion, once we have it, every morning, indefinitely," Madam Pomfrey said, showing the first potion. "It's not long since breakfast finished today so, if you are ready, take it now."
Lily looked at the small vial, holding the liquid that would help her because who she was meant to be. Taking it with shaking hands, she held it close to her chest for a few moments with a silent plea to the universe before downing it in one go.
"Tastes nice," she said when she was finished, "much better than Skele Grow."
"I'll have the potion sent to you every morning for breakfast. Don't forget, not even a single dose can be missed," Madam Pomfrey said. "And let me know if you begin to have any unusual side effects as soon as possible. You are amongst the first in the wizarding world to be taking such a potion, you know. You're helping shape the treatment for transgendered people."
"Wait, when you say I'm one of the first… does that mean there are more trans wizards out there?" Lily asked, blinking in surprise. "I'm not the only one?"
Madam Pomfrey shook her head. "There are a handful of you all in the UK alone, of all ages. Though, you are the youngest."
Lily swallowed around the sudden lump in her throat, trying to hold back the prickling in her eyes. At the Matron's concerned look, Lily gave a watery, relieved smile. "I… I was scared," she admitted. "I was so scared that me feeling the way that I do was because of Voldemort's attack when I was a baby. I know Hermione said that there are trans people in the muggle world but when nobody said that they heard of it here, and with the comments from the older students…"
"What comments, Miss Potter?"
"That I was damaged that night of the attack. And that's how Voldemort knew about me being Lily before I'd said anything to anyone," Lily giggled, wiping at her eye. "It sounds so silly saying it aloud, but I was petrified. And now, to hear that there are others…" she glanced down at the empty bottle. "This is the best Christmas Present ever!"
"You should listen to us when we say you're not broken, Miss Potter. And speaking of presents, there is something else," Madam Pomfrey said cryptically. She opened one of the drawers on her desk and pulled out a familiar small box. "Professor Flitwick has finished enchanting your necklace. Thanks to his clever spell work, the Vox spell will be automatic, and you won't need to keep casting it. He assures me the spell will last for at least three years or so before it begins to fade."
"Seriously?" Lily's eyes widened as she accepted the box. She removed the spell from herself, before putting the necklace on. "Wow, it feels so much better… and sounds much more natural." She looked at the Patron, a beam over her face. "Thank you, Madam Pomfrey, for everything you're doing. You and the other Professors, that is. This means so much to me."
"Professor Snape is one of the most prolific Potions Masters in the wizarding world. The challenge has been good for him. So if you do have any side effects or experience anything that doesn't seem natural, let him or me know as soon as possible," Madam Pomfrey instructed. "Now go and enjoy your Christmas and don't forget, take your potions as soon as you finish breakfast."
To think that the moody, greasy bat of the dungeons had been key in making the potions for transitioning, Lily pondered in amazement as she made her way back to the Gryffindor common room. Snape had been acting unusual since the news came out about Lily's identity… she had even spotted him conversing somewhat civilly with Sirius over the past few weeks, too.
She would try harder in his classes as a way of showing her appreciation, Lily promised herself as she walked through the portrait.
"Hey, Lily! You're looking happy," Neville greeted when he spotted her. He was sat with Seamus, Dean, Hermione and Ron.
"I am," Lily agreed, paraphrasing everything that had happened in the Hospital Wing. "I just… I feel so much better already."
"So, these potions will do what, exactly?" Hermione asked, curiosity shining in her eyes.
"Well, the first will stop me from going through male puberty, and the second that they're still working on will give me a female puberty."
"So, that mean you're gonna grow tits?" Seamus asked.
Ron and Dean roared with laughter as Lily stammered and blushed. Hermione slapped both of them in the back of the head.
"Don't ask such stupid questions. What happens will happen, and Lily doesn't need you two acting like prats," she scolded.
They both look suitably chastised. "Sorry," Ron and Seamus said at the same time.
"It's okay. I'm just… glad I have friends like you guys," Lily said just as an older Gryffindor came downstairs from the dorms. The student shot a glare at Lily and made to leave the common room just as the portrait opened revealing the ever-observant Weasley twins.
"We saw that. What's your problem with Lily?" George demanded, blocking the way out of the common room.
"You don't like how she's saved your life before? And everyone else's?" Fred added. The student looked between them, almost like he was debating if he could beat the duo in a duel, before he turned to Lily's direction.
"Sorry," he said, before pushing past the twins and leaving the common room.
"He will be sorry when he finds his boxers full of itching powder," George grumbled loudly after the retreating student. They gave the near empty common room a cursory glance to make sure nobody else was going to start trouble before they joined the third-year students.
"What's new?" Fred asked, lounging close to the fireplace.
Lily caught them up on her morning and the instructions given to her.
"That's exciting news!" George grinned. "If it's okay with you, I'll let Mom know. She wants to stay updated… and, between you and me, she's been stressing about the Weasley Christmas Jumper."
"What? How so?" Ron asked, frowning.
"Well, Mom wants it to fit Lily but wasn't sure if she should make it in the same style as the other girls or to keep it masculine or even make it neutral."
"That's so sweet of her," Lily commented, feeling her heart warm with love for the Weasley matriarch. "She knows she doesn't have to give me anything, right?"
"You are family, Lily-kins," Fred reached over and ruffled her hair. "We're all here for you. Plus, nobody can stop Mom if she decides that someone else is going to be adopted into her Family circle. I think we must have half of Wizarding Britain, now…"
"No, it's more than that," George interrupted. "Don't forget all of Charlie and Bill's work mates."
"Oh yeah… so that means we should have enough Quasi Weasleys to begin to take over the World now, right?"
When Lily awoke on Christmas morning to find herself alone in the female dorms, she hurriedly donned her new dress that Sirius had gotten for her to celebrate the start of her hormone treatment. It was high neck and Lily had to remind herself that she should soon hopefully grow breasts to help make clothes fit better and after a moment of self-reassurance, made her way to the common room.
She saw her friends and Sirius sat in a haphazard circle, some still in pyjamas while others were dressed in casual clothes.
"Merry Christmas Lily!" Sirius exclaimed when he saw her, a huge smile crossing his face. "Now you're here, we can all open presents!" He indicated to the various piles.
"Before we do, though…" Ron began, clearing his throat awkwardly, "I just wanted to say…. Well…. Happy first Christmas, Lily Potter."
Lily began to laugh as tears filled her eyes. Damned hormones! She walked over to her best friend and squeezed his shoulder in gratitude, as everyone else repeated the sentiment. Sirius waved his wand and some banners materialised, each loudly proclaiming "LILY'S FIRST CHRISTMAS". Even the portraits on the walls clapped politely.
"You guys!" Lily gasped, blushing. "You shouldn't have."
"All Ronald's idea," Hermione pointed out with a pleased grin. "It is, after all, your first Christmas as your true self."
"Can we please open presents?" Ron asked, his flaming red face clashing with his hair. "Before this mushy stuff gets too much?"
Everyone laughed and Christmas tunes began to play from a speaker Sirius had brought with him. He waved his wand again and warm drinks ranging from hot chocolates, milky coffees and cups of tea appeared. Sipping drinks and sorting out the piles into names, Lily saw a long, wrapped present with her name on it. As the rest of her friends began to unwrap their gifts, she reached for it, looking at Sirius with shining eyes.
"You got me a new broom?" Lily asked, grinning as she began to unwrap it. She didn't notice Sirius's frown. "A Firebolt? Uncle Sirius, this…"
"Wasn't from me," Sirius said softly, looking suspiciously at it. "Is there a note?"
"No… no note," Lily searched the package. "Just the broom."
"A Firebolt… that's not something cheap. There aren't many people who would be able to afford this, especially as it was just released," Sirius said.
"It's a Firebolt! A real Firebolt! Can I try it?" Ron yelled when he saw the new, sleek broom in Lily's lap.
"No!" Hermione cried out. She had been observing from her seat next to Lily. "I… Sirius, what if Remus Lupin brought it for Lily? There is no name, and everyone knows that Lily is the youngest seeker in a century…"
"Remus? I… yes, he could have…" Sirius's voice trailed off as he took the broom. He waved his wand over it, but nothing happened. "I'm going to take this, have it stripped down and checked. Lily, I don't want you to ride this unless we know it's safe."
"Strip it down? Are you mad?" Ron sounded indignant. "It's a Firebolt! It's not like Lupin could have walked into Quality Quidditch Supplies and ordered it! He's a wanted criminal."
"Ron, I think Uncle Sirius is right. As much as I want to fly on it, I don't want any of us to get hurt," Lily said, her voice sounding pained as her fingers itched to hold the new broom again.
Ron sighed. "I guess you're right…"
"I'll send it away after we've finished opening our presents," Sirius said as he placed the broom behind him, just out of sight. "Let's not let this ruin the day. So, hurry up guys! You're all so slow!"
Later that night, stuffed with delicious food and feeling blessed at the wonderful day, Lily found herself wondering about the Firebolt, and if it was from Remus Lupin. He was supposed to be another one of her godfathers, like family, but he betrayed her parents. Why would he be sending her the latest broom model unless there was some sort of nefarious reason behind it?
She hoped, perhaps selfishly, that the broom would be curse free. Nobody would beat the Gryffindor Quidditch team if she could use that in matches! Lily giggled quietly to herself as she imagined Wood's face, not wanting to wake Hermione who had gone to bed an hour before.
Lily hated going to bed at the same time as her dorm mates, both when she was in the male dormitory and now in the female. She felt so self-conscious changing in front of the others… and showering was another challenge all together. Hogwarts accepted her as, well, her, and that should have eased any anxieties but Lily still worried that if any of her female friends saw her masculine body then she would be turned against.
She believed herself to be stupid for worrying so much… but now, on the potions, it shouldn't be too long until she felt more comfortable in her body and felt like she was allowed to bathe and change in front of her friends.
Despite the early morning and the late night, Lily couldn't fall asleep. She got out the Maurader's Map and began to study it. Each time she opened the older parchment, she discovered something new and different about Hogwarts. It was easier to read with less students wandering around and –
Wait.
Lily frowned.
A name kept appearing and disappearing, moving rapidly along one of the nearby corridors. But how? Peter Pettigrew was murdered by Lupin. A ghost? But she hadn't heard of any ghosts returning 13 years later…
Lily quickly stood up and shrugged on a dressing gown. She grabbed her wand and lit it up with Lumos as she snuck out of the common room, map clutched in her free hand. As she reached the corridor where the map last showed the name of the dead man, she frowned at nobody being there. Raising her wand above her head, she saw a flash of orange fur and heard a terrified squeak. Moments later, Hermione's cat came into view chasing the form of a familiar rat. Lily froze Crookshanks, and knelt as Scabbers ran to her, rapidly climbing up her dressing gown sleeve and hiding in the hood.
"It's okay, Scabbers, I'll get you back to Ron," Lily promised the frightened pet softly, "and tell Hermione to keep a closer eye on Crookshanks…". She unfroze the large cat, who gave her the filthiest look imaginable before stalking away, but aside from herself and the hiding rat, the corridor was empty. The map did not show the name of Peter Pettigrew anywhere in the nearby vicinity, but it did show a new name walking towards her; Severus Snape.
Lily quickly wiped the map, seconds before Snape reached her. "Potter. What are you doing, walking around this late past curfew? Decided to go for a late-night stroll?" Snape scoffed; an eyebrow raised at her.
"I was… looking for Ron's rat, Scabbers, Professor. He escaped and I wanted to catch him before he was hurt," Lily said, indicating to the quivering lump in her dressing gown hood. "He hasn't been well."
"That doesn't mean you get to flout the rules, Potter," Snape said, his nose scrunching at the sight of the rat, who cowered further into the fleece of the gown's hood. "What's that you're holding?"
"Parchment. I was doing some homework and had it in my pocket when I noticed Scabbers had left the common room," Lily replied, with a shrug.
"Homework at this time of night? On Christmas?" Snape clearly didn't believe her but when Lily opened her mouth, mind scrambling for another excuse, he cut her off. "Why do you think you can be out at this hour, Potter? You are aware that the rules exist for a reason."
Before Lily could respond, another voice came through the darkness.
"For the first time in my life, I actually agree with Severus," Sirius said from a little further down the corridor. He did not look impressed.
"Black," Snape stated, a forced neutrality in his tone.
"Snape," Sirius greeted back. "I'll take over from here, if you don't mind."
"Very well," Snape agreed, nodding once before stalking away. Sirius took Lily's hand, firmly leading her to an empty classroom. As the door closed shut behind the two, Sirius turned to his goddaughter with his face still unusually irritated.
"What the hell do you think you're doing, walking around the castle at night, alone? What if Lupin got into the castle?"
"Uncle Sirius, I…" Lily froze up as she tried to think of what to say. "I was…"
"Looking at a map of Hogwarts?" Sirius pried the map from Lily's clenched hands, smoothing it out with a wave of his wand.
"Wait, what? You… you know about the map?"
"Yes, I know exactly what this is, Lily. I'm disappointed you didn't tell me about this, especially given how dangerous it could be if you lost it. If Remus Lupin had found it, then it would be a direct path to you. Did you not think of that?" Sirius demanded. "I know for a fact that this map was locked up ages ago, so how you managed to get your hands on it…"
Lily looked at the ground, ashamed.
"I'm sorry, Uncle Sirius," she said softly. "I didn't… I just… I was given it to protect myself, to make sure no one could sneak up on me."
"And if it wasn't for the fact that Lupin is exceptionally dangerous and sneaky, I might agree. But given how dangerous he is, I'm disappointed in you Lily. Your parents would be too," Sirius told her as he put the map in his pocket. "They died for you. Don't throw that away. Map or no map, Lupin escaped from Azkaban. Even if he did show up on it and gave you enough warning to hide, you'd still be in grave danger."
"I'm sorry. You're totally right. I won't be so foolish again. I just… I don't think it always works," Lily admitted, blinking back the sting of tears. "I came out because I saw a name flickering on and off the map, and it was a name of someone I know is dead…"
Sirius's eyes narrowed. "Who?"
"Peter Pettigrew, but you told me he's dead."
"That… that's not possible," Sirius whispered, pulling the map out again and activating it without Lily even telling him the phrase to make it work. She saw his eyes rapidly scan the parchment.
"The name kept flickering on and off, so I wanted to see what was happening," Lily explained after a few moments of tense silence. "I couldn't find anything, or see anyone though… well, other than Crookshanks chasing Scabbers." She looked from the map to her uncle, curiosity gnawing at her. "How do you know about the map? Do you know who wrote it?"
"I do," Sirius confirmed, but said nothing else. He finally looked up at her. "Go back to bed, Lily, and go straight there. If you don't, I'll know, and I won't be happy. Keep your wand at the ready and don't go anywhere else alone."
As she strode quickly through the corridors back to the safety of Gryffindor Tower, her mind whirled with questions. When the Fat Lady came into view, looking down at Lily with a disapproving expression, she felt Scabbers scramble to her shoulder. Lily reached up and moved the rat to her chest, holding the bony rodent as he looked around with wide eyes.
"You're safe, boy," she said gently. "Not fond of adults, are you?" The rat pushed his way into the folds of Lily's dressing gown. "You'll have to sleep with me tonight, but I'll give you back to Ron first thing in the morning. Crookshanks barely stays in the dorm, so you'll be okay."
When the Fat Lady opened, Lily went straight to her bed. Despite the late hour, and the busy day, sleep did not come easily.
